What Happens When Your Loved One Dies on Hospice

[@LibrasReact]

Two days ago 12/6/2024 at exactly 4:00am my grandma took her final breath as my mom and I held her. Many months ago before we even knew my grandma was sick I had found your videos and watched many of them mainly out of pure curiosity. Little did I know you fully prepared me for what was to come with my grandma. My mom and I took care of her and in her final days and hours I used what I had learned from your videos to educate my mom who was scared of what was happening. I was able to ease her fear and although it was horrible seeing my grandma actively dying what you taught me helped so much. I was able to see the act of caring for and witnessing the death of someone in this world who I love so much as an extremely powerful experience. Also the nurse from hospice who came to certify the death was very kind and also the woman from the cremation place who came was amazing as well. What you are doing is SO important. Thank you!

[@baxtercol]

May your mother rest in peace and may you and all of her loved ones and Friends find peace my prayers and thoughts are with you. Death and grief are hard, please be good to yourself.

[@BobSebring]

I took full advantage of the bereavement services that Hospice had offered. Both group and private meetings. It was a Godsend. I had nobody too talk too about my mom's death. My siblings didn't want too, even though they started to work on the house everyday with me to put it up on the market. They had no clue what it was like to be the only caretaker in the family, and the toll it took out of me. Even worse, my brother wanted to throw me out in the street because I was living at home taking care of mom, even though I was broke and had no job except to take care of my mom. My brother didn't want me there because we were trying to sell the place. No heat, no hot water, and little electricity. Ate the fruit from the trees on the property for food. One of the lowest points in my life. Thank God for Hospice and thier helping me get though it all.

[@mariaco8854]

@@BobSebring I feel so sorry for you what you went through it usually happens. I’m taking care of my mother-in-law her kids leaving New York. Her daughter only came to see her once and now she’s trying to sue me because I don’t supposedly let let her talk to her mom because she’s always sleeping. She’s an end of life. She’s very conniving mean person and I’m the one that has been taking care of my mother-in-law by myself for nine years one year in hospice they never offer any help and now criticizing so I know what you went through. Don’t listen to them. Just know that you did a wonderful job. God will reward you 10 times more it will come with where is your lease suspected believe that because I’m a true example of it God has been blessing me so much so hang in there that your family do whatever they want but just know that you did a wonderful job and don’t regret it with me. The same thing is taking. I told him my mental health physical health because I can’t even sleep there and God bless you.

[@hospicenursejulie]

I'm so so so happy you utilized it!! Sending you love and thanks for sharing your story

[@silvergrizzly316]

BobSebring. My wife has been a Caregiver for years now and I know exactly what you're saying my friend. She sees it every single day, when it comes to money, the immediate family and others will damn near kill each other for it. I've never seen the like of inhumane people in all my life! She's had instances where family members will try to tell her how to "put them down" quicker just so there's more money in the end. It's unbelievable how people go through life never really loving their mother or father and other family members just so they can get their money at the end of their life. Totally crazy to me.

[@jonettesummers9390]

😢😢😢​@@silvergrizzly316

[@deanhockenberry9268]

When my mother passed in hospice I remained with her and helped the mortuary person place her body on the gurney for transport. There was as much thoughtful care in the process as there was while she was alive. It became a memory of comfort for me ever since.

[@Lisa_688]

Hi Julie. I just wanted to thank you from the bottom of my heart for these educational videos, which have been a lifeline for me as I cared for my 82 year old Dad in his final days. My precious Dad, Paul, just passed away last Wednesday on December 4, 2024. He has had a very difficult year battling cancer and dementia and has been dying for the last few months, and after treatment no longer could help him, we did everything we could to keep him comfortable. As he transitioned to hospice and we neared the end, thanks to your videos, I knew what to expect and was able to make appropriate arrangements ahead of time so that when the time came that he actually died, I was able to be with him and focus on the moment with love and without stress. Your videos took the fear and uncertainty out of the process, which allowed us to focus on a loving and peaceful end of life. Thank you, Julie.❤

[@marilyngleason8574]

My dad passed away in february. No one ever said anything about the bereavement services that hospice provides. I was devastated when my dad passed away. And to this day this hasn't gotten any better. I struggle every single day. My mom passed away 10 years ago and the services weren't mentioned to me then, as well. It sure would be nice to have someone to talk to.

[@Monica-gj2yx]

Marilyn, please call the hospice that your father used. There should be no time limit.

[@hospicenursejulie]

I'm so sorry- the services are offered up to year- please reach out to them if possible. I'm so sorry you're struggling

[@Elk300]

Philippians 4:6-9 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Meditate on These Things Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy-meditate on these things. The things which you learned and received and heard and saw in me, these do, and the God of peace will be with you.

[@mircat28]

Even if he never needed hospice he was still going to die. Didn’t you know that was going to happen? Was that something you were never expecting?

[@sterlinghenderson4777]

@@mircat28 Your response doesn’t reflect your understanding of what the person is experiencing. Reread the original post. Knowing a loved one is dying doesn’t negate the grieving.

[@johnduffy6546]

Nurse Julie, you will never know how helpful your videos are. You have help us endure the recent passing of my father in law...My wife doesn't handle these things very well. Your love and devotion helped to make it manageable

[@NormanChester882]

Thank you Julie for what you do, help people to understand what's going on at the end of life, God bless you sweetheart

[@hospicenursejulie]

Thank you Norman 💕💕💕. Thank you for always supporting me and channel. I appreciate you being here

[@NormanChester882]

@hospicenursejulie blessings young lady

[@Pamanasuejo]

My mom passed Nov 17 in hospice. I was holding her hand when she took her last breath. She was in a hospice, not at home. The nurses and staff and volunteers were all wonderful. I’m hoping my Dad takes advantage of their bereavement services.

[@jordyngabriele330]

Thank you for this nurse Julie! My mother in law passed yesterday on hospice and they were so sweet and helpful, but i didn't know about the bereavement services! Ill definitely be asking. I also had to ask them about the meds on my own. Our nurse just helped us destroy the liquid medication and told us we could keep the rest. I was shocked! But we're going to be taking them to a disposal box. I needed to hear all of this. All your knowledge has been so helpful on my family and I's journey ❤

[@BrianHornak]

Thank you for all you do... Love and Prayers to All Who have lost a loved one

[@annfoster5190]

When my mom passed in 2010, the funeral home was so caring. The medical supply company had delivered and set up her hospital bed in the living room in mom's house just a couple weeks prior to her passing. When the funeral home personnel lifted her from her bed and onto the gurney, they gently covered her with a beautiful quilt. Our family were so impressed because many mortuaries cover the deceased with a white sheet or a tarp. Once our mom was transported to the funeral home the room was so quiet, especially after her oxygen machine was turned off. But it was peaceful. The next day our family contacted the medical supply company and her bed, Porta potty and bath/shower chair were removed and picked up. Hospice in our local area were amazing. ❤

[@jeanh4837]

This is so sad, made me cry. I'm so sorry. I wish I had the same experience, my experience was terrible since it was during COVID.

[@Kansas-gmj]

​@jeanh4837 My mom passed during covid like yours. It was sad and I miss her so very much. I was very gifted though. She asked me if I would be there in the morning (thinking I was a nurse and not understanding I was her daughter). I told her yes of course I will be there in the morning. She said..."I just really want you to meet my daughter. She's precious and takes good care of me. You'll love her." 🥲🥲❣️ .....and then she passsed.....that same hour. Wow. What a blessing. GRATEFUL

[@luckylinda63]

Thank you, Nurse Julie!

[@hospicenursejulie]

You are so welcome!

[@moniquechristiansen5276]

Thank you Nurse Julie. This is a very helpful video; lots of education. Again, thank you.

[@hospicenursejulie]

Glad it was helpful!

[@perceive8159]

My mother died while living in Mexico (Lapaz (Baja side), but I wasn't able to get any of her possessions, not even her ashes back up here where my family lives ( northern Canada). Basically, I sat around our kitchen table with family and reminisced about her and said a prayer. Think of her often!😢

[@hospicenursejulie]

Sending you love 💕💕💕💕💕

[@georgemcdowell8302]

I'd recommend anyone who's had no experience with in home hospice care to watch this. As a former funeral director, I've been around the dead- not a loved one who is actively dying & there's a huge difference being in a situation of this sort. My wife's hospice nurse was exceptional. It takes a special person who can repeatedly encounter families who must witness an emotional event as a death of a loved one.

[@PattiNail]

Nurse Julie Thank You again for your knowledge and sharing it with us?

[@irmapena9319]

Your info is so realistic & useful. Gracias dear Julie

[@clarencejacksonjr.]

When my mother passed away in 2011 in the hospital, I called the funeral home and they told me that they were on the way. They also told me when they arrived, if I wasn't ready to have them take her they would wait. My mother wasn't on hospice care. But, the hospital gave me some information on a grief support group through hospice offered at the local library. I went and it was the best thing for me.

[@TerryPayne-e6m]

My mom passed away on hospice in February of 2024. We called the hospice nurse. My mom passed about 12:30 am. The hospice nurse didn’t get there until around 5 am. She declared her deceased then even though she passed about 4 1/2 hours earlier so her time of death wasn’t correct. I don’t remember much about that night. I don’t know if I blocked it out but I did help clean her up

[@TerryPayne-e6m]

My mom passed away on hospice in February of 2024. We called the hospice nurse. My mom passed about 12:30 am. The hospice nurse didn’t get there until around 5 am. She declared her deceased then even though she passed about 4 1/2 hours earlier so her time of death wasn’t correct. I don’t remember much about that night. I don’t know if I blocked it out but I did help clean her up

[@dawncarpenter489]

When my Dad passed away almost 13 years ago, I was a mess. Were it not for grief counseling I don’t think I would’ve survived. In fact, I still keep in touch with the woman provided through hospice. She helped me when I needed it, despite my Dad not being on hospice. Fast forward to present: my Mom is now going through dementia and is in a nursing facility. Julie, your videos have helped me prepare for the inevitable, although I dread that day with every ounce of my being. My Mom and I are so close. I don’t know how I will do life without her. I will be reaching out for counseling asap. I guess I took the “ long way” of saying, take advantage of grief counseling. It does help!

[@Kansas-gmj]

Julie I appreciate you so very much. 💖

[@nelwynreid2658]

God Bless You 🙏💖

[@DosFloresitas]

Hospice was amazing during and after my mom passed away. They call to check on my dad and us the son and daughters. I will not think it twice to use their service if I ever needed it again.

[@JoeFromDetroit]

I paused @7:57, ah back in 2010 when my Father died, the Hospice nurse flushed the morphine down the toilet. I don't remember if there were any pills. The one thing that really meant he had passed was when the nurse shut off the oxygen concentrator. The background noise we had heard from a couple of years was gone.

[@GreggBB]

great information! thank you so much

[@MagnoliaPantherWoman]

This is so helpful. Thank you for sharing your experience and expertise.

[@Dawn-x8t]

Love your videos Julie. You provide excellent information. I wish I knew about you before my father died in June of 2023. He kept raising his hands in the air toward the ceiling and I couldn’t understand why he kept doing this before he died. Now I have a good understanding thanks to your videos. The hospice nurse told me that the reaching up was normal.

[@marathoner43]

Thank you for posting this video Julie. It is very similar here in Massachusetts to what you described. This was pretty much exactly what happened with my Mom and Dad, both of whom died on hospice at home. I called the hospice company and they required that a nurse come out. We had two different hospice companies, 1 for Mom and 1 for Dad. Both of the nurses did the test Julie said about the heartbeat and respirations. One of the hospice companies had the nurse call an on call doctor with the hospice and it was that doctor whose name appeared on the death certificate. The other company was affiliated with Mom's primary care doctor's group, so his name appeared on her death certificate. In both cases, we knew who the funeral home was going to be. The nurse called the funeral home, and they came out within an hour each time to get the body. In both cases, the nurse had to destroy any leftover medications. In our case, the nurse put all the meds in a Ziploc bag and then roll them in flour and dish soap. In Dads case, the medical equipment had arrived yet, so there was no pickup for that. In Mom's case the equipment was picked up the next day. Fortunately, in my case, Mom and Dad had funeral directives as part of their end of life documents. Because of that, we knew exactly what they wanted. Additionally, we worked with an absolutely wonderful funeral home who made sure we got what we needed, nothing we didn't need, and helped us arrange for burial in the local cemetery. As for the bereavement services, both hospice companies offered them, but I didn't take advantage, so I don't know how good or bad they were.

[@larryulery3729]

Thanks I had to say goodbye to my sister. The hospital staff was great. They let us say goodbye I held my sister hand it was therapeutic. The saying she was surrounded by family and friends. Touching her was closure.

[@BrianHornak]

May you enjoy the holiday season Julie❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@carolb9557]

My hospice bereavement consists of one guy with a BS in social work, he sends out a form letter each quarter, does not have the experience or training to hold group sessions but you can call him when you are "having a bad day." What a joke. He said it meets Medicare requirements. I wish I had checked out the bereavement services before hiring this agency.

[@hospicenursejulie]

🙈🙈🙈

[@melissahall7009]

thank you for these videos!

[@nansea9691]

Excellent video Julie!!!💖💖💖

[@clairebears2013]

You're are awesome

[@rickowen4410]

Hospice was excellent when my parents died.

[@mygreenfroggy]

I was blessed to have help from siblings and children while caring for my mother, but hospice got me through the final week with her. Without explanations about things by Julie and another hospice channel I would have had no clue what was going on or what to do. Her hospice company and the mortuary where great helps too. The mortuary was actually just around the corner and it did take some time for them to pick mom up, but it was just a matter of getting someone there so not long. Watching the nurse help me to destroy the meds was interesting and all it took was some kitty litter which I actually had, lol.

[@susanchigaros1375]

This video was so informative. Thanks, Julie❤

[@hospicenursejulie]

Glad it was helpful!

[@chrismcdaniel7174]

My hubby and I did preneed funeral plans. In California our Mortuary will come, no 911, Veterans will be removed with American flag over body. Then this flag is used for the military setvice. Our Mortuary was wonderful explaining thjngs❤

[@robertglennienz]

Thanks for another very interesting video Julie. We might do things a bit differently in N.Z., but my mother used to work in a rest home for the elderly so she definitely has experience dealing with the immediate end of life issues that you are addressing here. It will be interesting to see how your experience and hers stacks up.

[@martybragg7897]

My father passed away at 1:00am on September 13 after a 14-year battle with Alzheimer’s. We utilized an excellent hospice agency. I was alone with him at the time and, after taking about 15 minutes to say goodbye, I contacted hospice. Understandably, it took the hospice nurse about an hour to arrive. I was left trying to decide if I should pull the sheets over his head or just leave him. On television and movies the head is always covered but I did not know what was proper in real life. As he began to lose color in his face, I decided to cover him for what I consider respect. I haven’t heard anyone address this issue but I assume it’s just a matter of personal preference.

[@betsybabf748]

I wish I knew about the bereavement services. My mother died on hospice shortly after my husband's sudden death, where I woke at 41 yrs old and found him dead. Those back-to-back huge losses, having 5 children also grieving and in shock, was the most difficult time of my life. I seriously didn't think I would survive it, and if I didn't have children counting on me, I wouldn't have wanted to survive it.

[@MarcoGallia]

Thank you very much for your content. I would like to know what happens if you're homeless, and also if there is no contact with your loved ones? The two are not necessarily related. Keep up the good work.

[@pamwyatt9787]

I lived through this for Mom. And it simply SUCKS!! She had Alzheimer'. Mom died a year ago Nov.

[@nighthawk_predator1877]

In Florida, they (hospice) asked if we had a funeral home etc that we had made arangements with. We told them that we had and they took the name and phone # to contact them for us.

[@crazydiamond4565]

I called for bereavement services after my Mom passed Aug 2, but no one returned my call. Twice. Very disappointing.

[@annkirtland1637]

I was kicked out of the bereavement services because I had anger. Also, in In Indiana, meds are taken by Hospice.

[@betsysingh-anand3228]

I'm in Ohio. Hospice here destroys not only the controlled substances prescribed by hospice, but they want ALL of the Rx medication! I have another family member who uses some of the same cardiac medication as Mom took - I made sure to put it in a completely different room so that it didn't get destroyed along with everything else. I understand about the controlled substances. But nitroglycerin and imdur? No. We still have a use for those.

[@elizabethmojica8995]

When my mom died two years ago, I signed up for hospice's bereavement. The man showed up one time and then was a no call, no show the second time. It sent me in such a downhill spiral that I never bothered to contact them again and asked them to stop sending me letters every 3 months. :( It wasn't a good experience.

[@jenniferfreytag7632]

My mother was on hospice for approximately one month while in a nursing home . I was never allowed to be involved due to a guardianship. Her nurse called once but never returned my call. I was made to feel I could never ask any question or be involved in her care. Even to the point, I was never to know she passed. Her guardian did override that. I never use the beavrement services. They called but I never ever returned the calls. There was no point because I was a monster. They would never been any help.

[@carolpauleyrogers3902]

My husband was on hospice, only a few days. He passed very quickly. I respect Hospice but the nurse that came to my home the night he passed needed a lot of training. My husband passed at 10 pm. She arrived at midnight. Didn't introduce herself. Didn't say anything to me except ask what his illness was. The funeral home and my son and I had to wait on her. She was the worst person associated with hospice that I have ever encountered.

[@hospicenursejulie]

Omg- wow- that is awful- I am so so sorry. 💕💕💕💕💕

[@carolpauleyrogers3902]

@hospicenursejulie there needs to be more people like you. Thank you for being kind and understanding. Love you from West Virginia ♥️♥️♥️

[@UserHunca]

Interesting. When my husband died on Memorial Day of this year, the hospice nurse asked me for all the medication (some was in the fridge). The nurse then proceeded to do all the destruction of the drugs. I live in California.

[@karryschenk8619]

Maybe I have responded before. I’m Canadian. 🇨🇦We have MAID. Medically assisted in dieing. You do have to meet the criteria. My husband was diagnosed with colorectal cancer. 2 independent physicians interviewed both of us , I’m guessing 3 months prior to his death. The only way to pass away. And no fee. Yes, Universal healthcare here in Canada.

[@RuthParsil]

In AZ you can empty into a plastic bag and take to the police station.

[@Monica-gj2yx]

Ruth, same here in New York.

[@hospicenursejulie]

Can the nurse do this? Or just family?

[@RuthParsil]

@@hospicenursejulie My family did this. I am not sure if the nurse can do it or not. My mom died quickly in the hospital and my Dad was on a trip. My sister took the meds to the police station. The police station will only take pills. Sprays, ointments and powders are thrown in the yrash.

[@melissazykan1476]

Humm I’ll have to check if you can do this in California. My mom has lots of meds my dad was on in their house still. He is on Hospice but he is now in a nursing home since my mom can no longer be his primary caregiver due to her own health. I live out of state so I’m not much help. 😔

[@CheriItaliano-fj2lu]

It’s the same in Missouri. After my Dad passed my Mom took leftover morphine to our local police station.

[@9983sp]

You don't clean them, the CNA or HHA does, while you do paperwork.

[@tonybennett638]

Hey nurse 👍 my daughter is working at an old age home in Australia and mostly picking up the call at dementia based Wards with you know the ends ...if it wasn't for you and her where would we be.

[@hospicenursejulie]

💕💕💕💕

[@basingstoke63]

This is a million miles from what happens in the UK .

[@lizherbst7393]

@@basingstoke63 what is different

[@jillberkey6160]

Isn’t the hospice nurse responsible for checking the meds and disposing of them?

[@RuthParsil]

@@jillberkey6160 Julie said Hospice is not allowed to in her video. It is up to the family.

[@jillberkey6160]

@ I guess every state is different. Where I live, it is the law.

[@hospicenursejulie]

Ohhh so interesting- so in your state- the nurse disposes of the meds in the home? We can do that too but family has to witness

[@jillberkey6160]

@ yes the family has to witness. Thank you Nurse Julie for all of your videos. They are very informative and Hospice nurses are extremely special people. You are very sweet and your patients and their caregivers are so lucky to have you.

[@ronaldhartfordjr8299]

In Ohio the hospice nurse with the family I. The room destroys the meds. Then they put in a locked container and it goes to a medical waste company to be incinerated. It’s so important to never ever let controlled drugs get in the wrong hands. I work in inpatient pharmacy and I see hospice nurses everyday disposing medications at the inpatient pharmacy.

[@kripptonite7457]

Don't know if it's law or not in VA, but when mom died in 2013, the hospice nurse took the morphine drops & atropine. With my husband's step mother,

[@kripptonite7457]

The hospice nurse took all the meds, dumped pills in a baggie, put coffee grounds in them, tiny bit of water, & took the baggie with her.

[@mariaco8854]

Question there’s got you are here to answer some questions together when someone is in the life my mother-in-law is an end of life. She hasn’t seen her kids in a while. Chris🧸 son came and visit her today and she got really excited, but I get irritated for the rest of the day. She became extremely irritated all the way to the night. Did I have to give you a half a sat next to relax? Is it a visit from a relative can interfere with her getting uncomfortable I’m very confused if you can give me an advice I would appreciate it. Thank you.

[@guardiansanimalrescuestate7289]

If u have a funeral home involved a family can keep their loved one in their home for longer times.

[@mariaco8854]

Can you tell me the name of the service that you’re talking about after somebody passes? I cannot understand you. I would like to write it down so I could talk to my hospice people. I have my mother-in-law who who is 86 innocent in the life the information I didn’t know I will be appreciated. Thank you.😊❤

[@michellelandahl]

Most hospices will call them "bereavement services." :)

[@hospicenursejulie]

Thank you 🥰

[@lnewbury1]

I took all my persons meds and added it to wet coffee grounds. It was then all put into a plastic baggie and discarded.

[@frankrault3190]

In Holland it needs a med.doctor to achieve a declaration of death.

[@barbarasolomon7749]

I was told to ask for 10 copies of the death certificate. Each bank account, other financials, and even some regular or routine services such as tax assessors want a copy. Get as many as you can upfront bc you'll have to pay to get them from the county later.

[@phaedruscj3330]

Some of the banks etc wont need a certified copy so be sure to ask.

[@paulaisaac8082]

I believe notarised copies are acceptable.

[@BobJudyClark-wq6pz]

Funeral homes where I live usually provide 20 copies or more free of charge. Believe me, you'll need them for all sorts of things.

[@margaretkur8161]

Regarding death certificates: I live in Florida. There is a long form and a short form. Different institutions or businesses require one or the other. The funeral home owner was very helpful explaining how many I might need. Foreign agencies often need the long form.

[@phaedruscj3330]

Wait So morphine can kept in the home of the dying? Our only experience has been with hospice in a nursing facility.

[@jillberkey6160]

@@phaedruscj3330 My oldest brother is in hospice care currently. He has liquid morphine at his house. I don’t agree with that, but it is not my decision. Unfortunately, this is not my first time with hospice, but extremely fortunate to have hospice supportive services. Hospice nurses are wonderful human beings…very special.

[@BobJudyClark-wq6pz]

Yes, at least in certain states. My husband has COPD and liquid morphine is kept in the house to ease pain and help with opening up airways in the lungs. I administer it to him when he has flare-ups and hospice provides it as part of his ongoing treatment.

[@tammycox9789]

The law where I live is the nurse takes all the meds and destroy them. when they leave.

[@tlouise77]

Why does your body get heavier when you die?