How can I support my addicted loved one when I'm filled with Anger Hurt and Resentment?

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Dealing With Manipulative Behavior: kzbin.info/www/bejne/bnXXppiZbseqa9k

[@amberd8153]

I am so angry right now. I would describe it as enraged. He relapsed again after the longest stretch hes had of sobriety and on top of that he lied. A lot. I threw something at him. I just lost it completely. Im exhausted I dont recognize myself anymore. I was so happy. I know I can be codependent but I was just so comfortable. I could finally relax and he just took it all away again. On top of everything else hes done. Im sick of him.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

I know where you're coming from Amber. Seeing someone have recovery and then loose it is terrible 💔

[@lilianabreceda3730]

But don’t give up hope. Know they can recover. It will happen and can happen.

[@amberd8153]

Update hes been in sober living for 3 months now. Completed rehab in February. Hes 100 miles away and I am in therapy once a week. I am doing better and better and so is he. We are no longer together but that doesnt matter, im just grateful I dont have to worry.

[@charmee4045]

@@amberd8153 Life with an alcoholic is not worth it. Choose someone else, its alot easier. They have their path you have yours. So glad my mother left my father and didn't put us through the hell of living with a drinker. She saved us and I will be forever grateful. Think of what you are doing to your kids.

[@amberd8153]

@@charmee4045if you see my last comment, it says we are not together. I left him over a year ago. Kids doing great!

[@robwilkinson8547]

Amber, your genuine, low-tone, straightforward, country accent is all anyone needs. You don't know how many videos I reject because of music in the background. DITCH THE NOISE! It's distracting and annoying. Much Love, A Loyal Listener

[@emilybartoni9033]

I’m trying to change how I interact- but after 15 years of dealing with this it’s so hard to change. Watching these videos helps to remind and encourage me. I’ve been turned into a mean nasty angry person- highly anxious with a very very low stress tolerance.

[@user-gl7zk8id5o]

I needed to hear this. Thank you Amber

[@Quartzone6145]

I've honestly never been through anything so painful. Loving my husband to be so much but feeling so hurt and let down at times when he's using. But understanding addiction is very important too.

[@theresan8880]

Hi Amber, Such a relevant topic many of us on this channel deal with, thank you! The most helpful point for me that you made was about not replaying those hurtful things in your head. I struggle with ruminating over past issues and do exactly that. But when you said, “I don’t deserve to be re injuring myself with this and playing it over and over again; I have some control over that,” that shifted the focus from him, to me, and my well being and mental health. Haven’t really thought of it that way. It is such a mental workout to change the way we think and take control of our thoughts. We have to be intentional.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

You may have already seen this one, Theresa, but it's specifically about the trauma of living with someone who has an addiction: kzbin.info/www/bejne/lXqsepiYo9qgpsk

[@saskiaguy1940]

Thanks Amber. Such great advice. I used to get sucked in so badly until I read somewhere that the alcoholic needs to keep you angry and anxious so they can keep on being enabled by you. It was a light bulb moment for me! 💡 I’ve also learned a great acronym called, ‘QTIP’. It’s saved me from many-a-despairing spiralling into the ruminating. Not always easy, but I’d rather keep my peace and try to apply it. I just can’t do the emotional rollercoaster anymore! It hurts me too much and I won’t put myself through that anymore. I especially valued what you said that when we stay in our own lane and stop our own crazy behaviour, it doesn’t send a message we’re ok with their behaviors. They KNOW we’re not ok with it. I needed to hear that because sometimes my pride gets in the way and I just want to make sure he knows that I know what’s going on. My defect of character and my responsibility to deal with. You are the best, Amber! And I’m thrilled your channel is growing so nicely because you are such a beautiful, humble and generous person who is kind enough to share your incredible wisdom from which we are privileged to glean! 🙏🏼☺️

[@saskiaguy1940]

QTIP = Quit Taking It Personally (for those that don’t know it) 😉

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Never heard of QTIP before! Love it!

[@lilianabreceda3730]

Ty I QTIP sent it to myself!

[@tatijai6913]

You always post exactly what i need when i need it. Sometimes i’m so sad and hopeless but with your help i’ve been able to avoid confrontation and fights and jus be safer ❤️

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Happy to help! 😁😁

[@TheLoonAttic]

I was in the “trough” for 2 years! This week I started feeling this way. Thank God, that peace is here. Ty

[@marydabbadie1175]

Thank you Amber for your amazing Chanel. My son will be coming home from rehab end of this month.Your advice on staying calm, during the storm's, is absolutely the key..When I stopped fighting, every little aspect of his addiction,he was willing, and accepting.to embraced these last 6months,although they where very difficult. at times. I believe we on a new walk..xxx x

[@PutTheShovelDown]

That's wonderful, Mary. Thank you for sharing that with me. You've made my day! 💟

[@lilianabreceda3730]

Yes! I feel those that get sober create a path for more to follow ❤

[@heavyjoechipman3594]

New intro is fantastic!👍 BTW: Hearing your best buddy barking in the background is an awesome, authentic, added, quality. ☺💜👍

[@PutTheShovelDown]

😂That crazy dog! 🐶🐶🐶

[@yessicapeters9104]

After I had to place charges for physical abuse and have a no contact order. I felt safe. I'm sad and scared. My reactions to the situation are hostile. I'm so emotional. I just wanted peace. We have three kids and have been together for 10 years. I am so broken.

[@juliewagner5417]

It’s very hard not to revert back to the negative reactions to the behavior and choices of my addicted loved one. I suppose I’m motivated to learn to act better toward them to maintain my own inner peace/ the guilt after reacting poorly toward them is much more heartbreaking than how their addiction is breaking my heart. I’m TRYING!!!

[@whiteybopbop9232]

Me too😔

[@sunflowerzelda45]

Is this some sort of Karma payback? I have been dealing with my only son since he was a teen. He is now 47 and in jail again. Wants to come home to parole. OMG, he caught me off guard and I agreed. Now I must tell him No. I have been sick as a dog for months I am starting to think it is the thought of him coming home yet again. Not to mention my brother passed away about the time he asked. Give me the words to back out of this. I believe I have the right to change my mind. Know it is gonna be a hard conversation. Lord help me.

[@karilines357]

When i start feeling sorry for myself or angry and like " this is ridiculous , this abandonment on the weekend while he drinks and doesnt even care ..." etc , i listen to this and im calm and hopeful and centered again .. i spend time amd stay sober for my family and work .the biggest thing i feel is like im being counted as an idiot , embarrassed.feelings of im being disrespected.

[@lydiamilanovic439]

Thank you Amber! I've being making big improvements lately, but today i fell back into my old patterns of thinking. You just turned all that around. You rock!!💖💝

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Right back at ya, Lydia!

[@amandareed7443]

Whew I needed this today!! I found this channel three weeks ago and was listening consistently. I’m new to finding out my son’s addiction . I found Amber’s videos the very next day about three weeks ago. I was watching consistently and doing well in my stress, anxiety, sadness, anger, guilt, frustration etc. But I haven’t tuned in the last 4 or 5 days. Then today, I resorted back to my old self towards my son over something so simple. That I started! Geesh! And sadness, worry etc set in almost immediately. So I’m turning in today and this pops up. A powerful message! I need to watch all of her videos!! I got some work to do on me!! Thank you Amber, you’re heaven sent.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Hi Amanda, I’m so glad these videos are helping! I definitely takes time to retrain our reactions. It’s completely unnatural to stay calm:strategic when dealing with addiction😕

[@amandareed7443]

@@PutTheShovelDown thank you for responding Amber. I also appreciate the gentle reminder. It feels unnatural. Wonder if my kid is scratching his head at some of my new found techniques, reactions and behaviors. 😊

[@adevotedbeliever]

I want to do this for myself! But in turn once I start to learn and do better on thinking and behaving (my reactions) I really would like to help others that I may run across in life. I want so much not to react but separate my self like you said. Thank you so much!

[@laurabeigh283]

Three years ago I started going out with a guy. Turns out, he’s a porn addict. This is the most awful thing I’ve ever been through. He refuses to do the work. Three years of giving him every kind of resource that tells him he needs to do the work he can’t just white knuckle it. Three years of him not being porn free. Three years of lies and betrayal. I don’t get it. This is absurdity. He knows I’m getting ready to leave him and even that doesn’t stop him. At this point, I hate him. I long for the day that turns into indifference.

[@user-vb7hv2dl6c]

Hi Amber, I love your channel! I wish my ex-husband would listen to this. Our 21-year-old daughter has been addicted to fetinol for four years and she has type one diabetes so you can imagine the amount of life-threatening situation’s she has been in. I have done so much work on myself through all of this. I’ve really dove deep into energy healing to help me along with your videos this has been the best thing I could do for myself. I found if I don’t clear out all of those heavy emotions, then they just came pouring out the more I got triggered.

[@theresazolyak2614]

Thankyou amber!

[@crobinson9165]

Im doing it because I don't want to be part of the problem. Im embarrassed and guilty of a type of counter abuse. With or without an addicted love one I want to be a better person and I want to do my part to help humanity, and to healing myself, and my own emotions not only makes me happier but it makes me more productive overall

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Very insightful!

[@lisaschorr1902]

You are the best! Thanks so much. ❤️

[@mrs.c9356]

I'm doing this to stop contributing to the pain inflicted on my addicted husband, to improve our interactions for the whole family. I am also doing this because I no longer like the person I am, and wish to get back into alignment with my values.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Love it!

[@SchlyterMia]

Thank you for your videos! They have been very helpful to me as a spouse. I have tried leaving before, when I was resentful and hurt, and it was very nasty. I have always gone back hoping for a change. This time a approached leaving inspired by your videos instead, and the separation became a lot more amicable. By not confonting him on any of his bad behaviours or and not blaming the separation on his drinking (even though it's totally because hos drinking) his mood was fairly stable and he could agree on us "being very different people" as a reason for separating. (It's not not true!) Stepping back, as hard as it was, also made it clear to me that there was nothing more I could do to make the situation better. When I stepped back, he did not step forward. I realised that the best I could hope for, if I kept fighting, was to keep our noses just above the waterline. I hope he will beat his addiction before he dies. Maybe if I knew about your method 3-4 years ago things could have worked out differntly for us. But even in this late stage as a spouse, I have benefited greatly from it.

[@lillianliepa1465]

I love your new intro. I have forgiven my adult son after all the hurt and abuse we all went through but it's very hard to forget and trust him again. Sometimes l feel like l forgave him just to see my grandchildren..

[@lilianabreceda3730]

Compassion ❤

[@margaretk5783]

I love it!

[@PutTheShovelDown]

😁😁😁

[@tabithameeks1146]

Thank you for the advice this really help and hit home for me! Keep encouraging and giving people knowledge and awareness about this disease.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Thank you for your kind words and support, Tabitha!

[@terrimoore258]

I’m doing this for myself. I can’t stay angry all the time. It as made my health. I also doing this also for my AH in hoping he will change. Even if he doesn’t our house is more peaceful. I still get upset but I try and remember I’m dealing with an addict and let it go. Thank you so much Amber for these.

[@trishhuerta4577]

So it happened, it was crazy awful and just as everything in life I have to learn how to let go of the negative awful feelings I have, see the positive in my newness and move on, wow things I knew but had a really hard time putting into place now that we are slowly repairing our marriage. Ty ty ty!

[@sunflowerzelda45]

Amber took your boundary quiz. I got A+. Yes, I know I fall back into the same old pattern of Helping. Mom is in the hot seat again. Gonna have to change my mind about him taking parole here. 1. Promised myself would never buy him another car. I live far from town. Already told him he won't be driving my car. So that means I will have to drive him? Good grief he caught me off guard again. I should get a tattoo that says 'Let me think about that.'

[@LW-lj4iz]

I want to come to a place of consistently reacting with love to my addicted loved one. I want to do this because it will bring me happiness, whether or not the love is returned at the time, in the future, or not at all.

[@gailtabone995]

Great new intro! Thanks for all of your knowledge and help!

[@leslieleslie5849]

You are reading my mind! Wow what help you are giving me. You are organizing my scattered feelings by your wise words❤️

[@kcarver0614]

How could I have handled this better? My SO “slipped” and let me know he had alcohol hidden in my garden shed. I reiterated that I respect his right to drink, and the rule at my house is no consuming alcohol where I live because I can’t leave if he becomes unpleasant to be around. (I am a caregiver and while I can have him over, I can’t leave, or leave him alone at the house.) He grabbed the liquor out of the shed, like he was glad not to hide it, and said he was glad I respected his right to choose to drink, ignoring the rest. Then he took a swig. I felt so angry at that blatant challenge to my boundary! But I told him I would give him a pass on that swig because we are expecting major tropical storms this weekend, and he is nursing a sick cat….otherwise he would be camping in his car and exposed to the elements. He was offended (or something) and packed up his things and his cat and left. To his credit he managed his emotions, not berating me like he has in the past, but left without discussion or saying goodbye. I said “I’m sorry you aren’t choosing to stay safe and dry here with me,” but I don’t know if he heard me. He is a little deaf. (We are in our 60’s). I feel awful. He doesn’t respect my boundaries nor do I think he understands them. I hate this roller coaster! We’ve been together 15+ years. He has so many wonderful qualities, but when he gets even a little drunk he gets mean. It’s getting worse. He would never want to hurt me when he’s sober, but I don’t think he remembers what happens when he is drunk anymore. Is there anything I can do better to express/enforce my boundaries?

[@loveandfrenchwater]

Wow. ❤

[@marystele1197]

Hi Amber Bit of a mess up with my comment and reply. Didn't get sent. This is an incredibly difficult issue to address. As you say , if you have children it is even more complex and heartbreaking. But as you say, there is always Hope for Families and your support is amazing. Mainly because you see real change and healing inprovement l am still reeling from the abuse, damage and hurt my ex caused me. I have been reading a lot about trauma bonding, and co depedent and attachment behaviour in relationships with Addicts which has been helpful. And recommended healing strategies (re Patrick Carnes, Diane Heller and others). Hope this information could be useful to other people. Best Wishes Xxx

[@joanweeks7296]

I do like your new intro, it is everything that you say it is and it's all positive. Great looking intro Amber. 👍

[@backyardphilosopher]

I love the new introduction. I makes me feel accepted and understood what I am going through with my addicted loved ones.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Thanks Charlene!

[@All_too_well.swiftie]

This is a very difficult issue for me. I have an addicted family member and there's no way I wanted to stay in the relationship. Guess what, I'm allowed to make that choice. I matter as much as the other person. I have no regrets about exiting because by the time I did it there was really nothing else to do. They are seeking treatment now, finally, and we'll see how it goes, but I have no intention of forgetting the past and making myself vulnerable again by reentering the relationship. That would take a lot of trust building and sobriety and we are nowhere near that at this point. You matter too, and if leaving is what's necessary for your own mental health, do it and don't feel guilty.

[@tsilsby888]

Amen!

[@silvermaple-n6n]

In the trough here. Thanks for the video.

[@tsilsby888]

Thanks Amber!

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Thanks for watching, Teri and for taking time to leave a comment. 😁

[@danimarut]

You’re so right!

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Thanks Daniele!

[@joanengel9460]

thanks so much for all of your helpful and supportive talks over these many months. you have really helped me. you and your staff are top notch. I think your new intro is good but for me, it was a bit long: i kept thinking ok so lets get into it. your old intro caught my attention and i started watching more of your videos because yours’ wasn’t like others’ that try to sugarcoat, or give just a few generalized ideas. even your title “put the shovel down” said to me, oh here is something real. you convey your understanding while showing you recognize individuals and the uniqueness of their lives. you are interested in what people say. your old and new intros caught me because they are honest, down to earth, real, and recognize how hard addiction is for everyone involved, and you yourself, a real expert, are humble and respectful. bravo. i am thankful you are out there.

[@sunflowerzelda45]

Have you ever seen a mother make herself physically ill over years and years of all these mixed emotions? How do I make myself feel better? Or will I just be sick and tired literally to my dying day?

[@impactwithdonandlinda5924]

I love your new intro!!!!

[@backyardphilosopher]

My hand up in the air for my craziness being used against me. If I watch what I am thinking, and how I start to go crazy it is because I am justifying why I am right and he is a screwing up. So many things you are talking about are hitting home. Thanks.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

👋🏻👋🏻👋🏻

[@got2bjennifer]

👍New intro! Definitely have been able to improve communication with my partner who relapsed a few months ago and is still in active addiction. We just email each other. My motivation to stay supportive regardless of salvaging our romantic partnership of 5 years is our friendship. I still love him even if I'm not sure about the future-- I don't know if I could ever trust enough to live together again. He's experiencing drug-induced psychosis that is persisting, which it never did from prior stimulant use. Would like to see a video from you on drug-induced psychosis.. long term effects etc.

[@laurieriek6444]

Love this topic!! Came just when I need it. I’m doing this because I can’t be on the same path, it’s ruining everything else, it’s the right thing to do. And I also feel better.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Good for you, Laurie

[@cuddlemuff6632]

I like the new intro. I'm letting the resentment and hurt go for me because I don't want to fee like that. That relationship had to end but we remain friends, although any blip of expression of past anger and resentment on my part can ignite a bad situation. I also had to do it for the kids I work with because I want to show up as someone with integrity for them. Love you, Amber. Thanks!👋

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Love it!

[@lilianabreceda3730]

Before I made the decision to get a restrain order on my son. I was practicing changing the behavior and my sons interaction changed but he had so much anger in him he would get triggered with the simplest of responses. This is great advice. TY ❤

[@karenherrera287]

I gotta do this for myself

[@ericdotson769]

Absolutely love the new intro!!

[@JJ-hm3js]

Love the new intro and your videos!

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Yay! Thank you!

[@brizi7131]

I like the old one it was very brief and empowering 😊😊

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Thanks Brizi

[@gina116]

Thanks!

[@MD-uk4iw]

Intro graphics are ok, but the music feels too much, makes it feel commercial... it almost takes away from the seriousness of the issue and you are legit! ...just my humble opinion.

[@jenniferandrews8449]

I havta say I tend to agree with you on that one (sorry Amber 😬) I liked the original piece where it was short but kinda in your face. This almost felt like it was an opening to a workout video. I'm wicked sorry to be blunt, because I do NOT want my comment to reflect or take away, how great your videos are!!! Maybe it's just something new and we'll get used to. I'm still a huge supporter of your videos, no matter what the intro music sounds like 😊

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Thanks Jennifer, I appreciate the feedback! I'll work on it a little more!

[@jenniferandrews8449]

@@PutTheShovelDown i hope I didn't offend you or sound like a smartass 😃

[@carolinemayer6100]

You and Your content is Amazingly Helpful. The intro is Adorable just like you are a Beautiful Person. Put your favorite relaxing music that is highly feminine like yourself. You are maternal to all of us. The only background that would do you Justice in Particular is you being outside in your most glorious spot in nature for your intro because Love, You are an Angel to all of us. Soft colors help. Femme Colors for Your Maternal vibe. But whatever you decide is Awesome to me because you're so Astonishingly encouraging to me. I'm from Columbus, Georgia and found you through the Johnny Depp trial. I am thankful I found you, Beautiful Angel. God Bless You‼️‼️‼️♥️♥️♥️ ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️💋

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Wow! Thank you Caroline. I looked it up and Columbus GA is about 4 hours away from Greenville.

[@carolinemayer6100]

@@PutTheShovelDown Thank You ‼️‼️‼️ You must be in South Carolina. Oh I Love the Beaches there‼️🏖️♥️♥️♥️

[@letitialoughmiller1802]

I love the new intro,all my favorite blue colors

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Thanks Letitia!

[@crobinson9165]

I like both entos.

[@frankiesmith9186]

👍 love it

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Thanks Frankie!

[@tracyhiltbrand8381]

I like the intro! I think it should say “addicted loved one” instead of “addictive loved one”? Although, the loved one, themselves, are in fact addictive to us!

[@rosarioquiroga8300]

I do this because I love her want to get Better and be next to her every step of the way . 😢🕊

[@amydeguzman7843]

Love your intro!

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Thank you!!

[@meganlarsen3797]

My father, brother, ex husband and ex partner have all relied on substances. I'm beyond heartbroken. Have so many people tell me to move on. I'm tired of cutting off people who I love dearly and asked a friend today if I was an a horrible person for wanting these loved ones to be healthy. I've got my own trauma and have been in therapy so long. I've only recently felt hopeless some days.

[@DrVictoriaMelhuish]

Liked the new intro ;-)

[@whatwhy7857]

Love the new intro.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Thanks! 😁

[@amydeguzman7843]

Ok, my loved one was an addict of crack and things would get escalated in our relationship. He got in trouble with the law for what he did to me. He then was put into a 2 year program for addiction, rehab (90 days), and counseling through the Veterans court. He is honoring the 90 day program which is inpatient. While he has been in there I have had to move on my own because we got evicted, look for a job, find a new place to live, my car was repossessed, I got diagnosed with having precancerous cells which has caused me to have more testing. In between all of this I’m dealing with my 80 year old mom, my boyfriends truck that needed minor repairs. I really didn’t have time to process my feelings, especially after I found out he cheated on me while he was cracked out with some crack whore. Now I have been holding it together up until this last week. It’s like everything is pissing me off, people are annoying, drivers are dumb, and I cannot deal with any level of stress. I have zero toleration for ignorance. It’s like I’m living in a vacuum and I cannot breathe. This is NOT my life’s story as it is only 4 years condensed, and all that I told you just happened in the last 70 days that he has been gone. If you knew the rest of my life you would be wondering why I have not turned to drugs or tried to kill myself. Believe me I’m fed up. I don’t know how to not be angry at this point in my life. I wish I could disappear. But he is working seriously hard on himself and this is what we wanted. A better life, a somewhat normal existence and to feel alive again.

[@debrasmith8860]

Like the new intro!!!!

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Thanks Debra!

[@karenferguson8697]

How do you deal with all the verbal abuse and stay positive

[@tracyhiltbrand8381]

That’s a very good question!

[@theresareynolds3834]

Like the new one

[@mirandalmonaghan]

I agree the music is so in opposition to what you are saying. The graphics aren't excellent but the music is bad.

[@caroleparslow7481]

I’m doing this for my granddaughter (the addicts daughter)

[@kiryukhinens]

I like the older intro better because it's shorter

[@laurieriek6444]

Like the new version of intro

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Thanks, Laurie!

[@TheLoonAttic]

🖐 I’ve had it used against me, as a weapon lol.

[@kb01999]

Do alcoholics typically pull the “I don’t want to be with you” “I don’t love you” card? I feel like this is where a lot of my resentment seems to come from. I’ve stopped arguing about it and don’t even give in, but still feel that fear and resentment.

[@tonibissett4570]

love the intro

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Thanks Toni!

[@Silvia-sy5qk]

🙋🏼‍♀️

[@theresasmith343]

Choose different music.

[@megannelson7883]

✋

[@trueself520]

I try to redirect my sadness by trying to model those behaviors that I wish to see from my daughter; to become a role model. How affective can I be in offering support and guidance if I am breaking down crying and sounding helpless and hopeless (plus making her feel sad and guilty)? To put it in perspective if I had a motivation coach that acted like that, I would NOT feel driven to move forward!

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Love this! So true 💯

[@michelleharless6699]

You mention that many people eventually get better on their own. I need to hold on to some hope, but I am having a hard time finding it. Is it possible for someone who has struggled for 10 years to just quit on their own?

[@kschiltroth9918]

Into is good. Audio sounds echo ie on the intro

[@mistergarrett8175]

👍

[@DrVictoriaMelhuish]

Hand in the air

[@aydea1530]

I really really need help figuring out how to move on when I don't have a full disclosure or answers to what I've seen my my addicted loved one. And also how do I react when all they want is for me to get over it and be OK when I don't have the truth and I see clearly they're not OK!!!

[@lionwaxman2782]

Same same same!!!

[@karencondon2003]

Thank you so much 🙏🏼💜

[@PutTheShovelDown]

You are so welcome

[@sunflowerzelda45]

🖐🖐🖐🖐🖐🖐🖐🖐

[@tiffanysteffy8661]

I agree the intro is great but the music is too much. Light classical music or maybe just something slower and quieter. The loudnes and hype beat takes away the seriousness and steals the attention from you and your message

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Thanks Tiffany. I'll tinker with it some more!

[@karencondon2003]

Love it 🥰 👍

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Thank you 🤗

[@marystele1197]

Just seen your new intro. Too busy, too fast, possibly migraine inducing. A graphic designer on speed? Seriously Amber, bring back the old one. 🌀⚡🎉🎇

[@selinahernandez9887]

I think many of us are holding all of this trauma/fight-or-flight in our hands and wondering what to do with it. I understand and totally believe that changing my behavior can result in changed behavior for my spouse (the "what"). I believe it's worth it and is also the best choice for myself (the "why"). Sometimes it just feels like I have to stuff the trauma/emotions and plaster a smile (behavior change) on while inside is necrotic. I know what to do. I can even white-knuckle it. But what are some ways to process this trauma and pursue healing (the "how?")? The pursuit of wholeness regardless of my spouse's choices, hopefully internal change that more easily facilitates this behavior modification.

[@selinahernandez9887]

Or is it simply choosing, I'm not going to be triggered anymore? Gosh, what a journey this is. I did find a therapist trained in EMDR and also have a strong faith, just trying to journey well..

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Hi Selina, Have you seen this video. It's specifically about the trauma caused by living with someone who has addiction" kzbin.info/www/bejne/lXqsepiYo9qgpsk

[@selinahernandez9887]

@@PutTheShovelDown Thank you. I will check it out ❤️

[@cherylsmith6953]

You do nit need the music

[@irmasuarez3707]

Too long too much no need

[@cherylsmith6953]

Old one is better

[@marystele1197]

Bring back the old intro and qdvert, it was much more original and definitely PTSD. New one sounds bland and like a ton of others on KZbin channels.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Thanks Mary, I'll work on this some more!

[@irmasuarez3707]

👎