Often I am on the receiving end of my alcoholic sibling “just saying the truth” when they are drinking. They bringup all my faults and faults of others. In a righteous way. Like they are perfect. When in intoxicated state are they saying what they truly feel about me? It is very very hurtful and difficult not to lash out. Why argue with them when they aren’t going to remember it tomorrow and/or what I may say would end our relationship with a huge argument. I like my sibling so much better before he starts drinking. He is kinder before he starts drinking.

How ??? My son is falling … he was a marine , got hurt , came home with a drinking problem . Help me … before I drown . He is my only child

Yes bring more of this ❤

I try really hard to chill on the need for reassurance. It's hard.

Back up plan...sock drawer 🧦 Funny but not funny. 😊 Great skits!

I went through this too when my so. Was younger and the one person I went to church with and worked with I spilled my guts out and they prayed and they had a sin a year older. My son is still an addict and hers is much better I think? But he was smoking pot, too at the same time and she didn't have to tell me, but I was mad because I felt all alone.. Like I'm the only one going through it. Then almost all people have had to live through a loved one that is addicted or sadly lost them

Sometimes advice is good and trustworthy, but unless they have really been thru it, it is so hard for them to understand. Ive had trauma and it can erupt at tines.. it is aweful.

My ex is an engineer, been drinking since 16 and now 55 years!!.. loves and believes the excuse "functional "..😢.. i don't know how he hasn't suffered serious medical problems

Thank you

People need to accept the changed behavior as real and give up keeping them in the old behavior.

You’re a total lightweight🤣

really great video, the way you approached the topic is refreshing. but i can’t help but think that sometimes we focus too much on the individual’s journey and not enough on societal factors that contribute to addiction. it feels like both aspects deserve equal attention, don’t you think?

Great talk. Addiction blinded a person's rational decision making ability like a most experienced counsellor.

Is it advisable to express your feelings to the person you are romantically obsessed with?

My addicted ex was caught on tinder messaging other women, then blamed me straight away saying hes not attracted to me anymore and its my fault because we haven't been physical for awhile, he had no choice

When I was married to my second husband. I was pregnant with my third child. My husband tried to strangle me in front of my kids.

I just found this video. I wish I saw it in August before I made myself the bad guy. (Still the bad guy in November).

I just kicked out my gambling/drug addict husband after 9 years---time to heal now!!!

Actions always speak louder than words!

We have parent-stepparent dynamic here.

Quit..ahhh beautiful sleep , never a hangover, really enjoy simple things you thought you enjoyed and pondering why it took so long to figure this out?

Please take the music out. It's very distracting to the story.

What books on addiction would you recommend? I’m going to work on a video post on addiction in relation with ADHD, so I want to do some reading on both topics.

I tried not caring for a long time... just let her do what she wants... but she wanted more, she wanted me to be engaged, she'd always reel me back in... things would be good and peaceful... but then the pattern would continue. I became an emotional wreck, blow up in anger, she'd hit me, and now the marriage is over... and I'm the bad guy... the psycho. Sometimes I think it would've been easier to just keep not caring 😢

This just happened My husband was cutting me down when I was going through a hard time (helping my mom with dementia) and saying I was not a team player Because we’re also dealing with a son struggling with alcohol and drugs I was so hurt I texted him that he cheated on me for our entire 34 year marriage which proved he was not on my team so how dare he say I’m not a team player when I’m struggling caring for my mom and not doing anything wrong we’ve never dealt with his continuous cheating and I’m still very hurt from it but if I mention it he attacks me more. He responded to my text with foul language calling me a c’nt and b’tch and attacking my character and said he is done we are done goodbye Just because I told him the truth of what he did which proves he’s not a team player Zero contact for days A few days later he apologized Saying he was drunk on vodka But those words are forever there 😞

Brilliant as always Angel Amber.

🖐🏼

Awesome video thank you

Amber you are so beautiful

Thanks for that Video. All my love is with you

THANK YOU!!! I need this so much because my partner is like this because of his past. I cannot get through to him because all he hears is “you are a bad person.”

On that last thing you said about how to understand a person's addiction through that person's frame, I think what you're saying is how to put yourself in that person's shoes and understand what they're going through from every angle that would include what their belief is about it, how their addiction makes them feel how they perceive what others think about them in regards to their addiction, and if they even care about that and if they don't care not allowing yourself to be offended or taking that personally but just letting it be this one time just where they are and letting them be where they are without judging them and allowing this person to say what they need to say without any fear of harsh criticism or accusations or shocked facial expressions or bursting out with laughter or for Tears or getting a silent treatment or being excommunicated. Bottom line this has to be approached from both sides or both people with agreeing goals and outcomes at least relationship and communication goals between those two people okay I'm going to stop here and say normally I would go back over this and proofread it and edit it and reword it and take away and add whatever I'm just going to step out in faith actually I really just don't feel like doing what I normally would do because it is very time-consuming sometimes and the other things I want to do but I'm listening to your video and you're hitting home in so many areas and ways that I can't even communicate quick enough what goes through my mind when I hear certain things being brought up that I relate to and have not had opportunity to process with anyone in a way that is helpful or that brings about positive change or even give me any clue the change will ever happen or that I will be able to make any of those changes myself because I and everyone else I believe really need someone to be able to process things with that can be neutral well at the same time personally knowing that person and caring deeply for that person in vice versa. Whew! That was mentally challenging and exhausting enough so I am for sure not going to go back over this so if you need me to explain something I I hope you're able to get a message to me that I will not miss so I can do that. Because it is very important to me to be clear and clearly understood when I'm communicating something that feels like such a big deal that if it were to be fixed it would clear up a whole lot of problems and heal a lot of lives in repair a lot of relationships. I truly believe the bottom line is to honor and respect intentionally and allowing another person to express their thoughts no matter what they are the good the bad the ugly and everything above below and in between. I think some people just need to forget what they think they know about someone else anything they've ever heard about that person through someone else and just simply drop all expectations drop all judgments drop all preconceived beliefs about that person listen tell you what their experiencing. You sure they can lie ensure they can exaggerated and sure they can sugarcoat and sure they can Dodge but if you listen to here and not to reply you're probably recognize those when they happen and you'll be in the perfect situation to ask that person personally to explain. It does really take time to work through things and get to know somebody possibly for the very first time. Hesitating not knowing if I should press the arrow or not like I said I was going to do and not go back over this first. But I do know one thing I'm going to do and that's copy and paste it into a note on my phone so in case it doesn't go through because I've made it too long or too wordy like I do with everything it seems like I'll be able to have it to rework it and resubmitted somewhere maybe not here. Maybe in a private message to Amber. I just hope I'm not confusing or distracting anyone with this and I hope I have said at least one thing that is beneficial are helpful for at least one person.

This advice is unnatural for me. I believe I will have to take notes. ❤ Looking forward to next week.

I understand the logic of how these techniques can work, but I’m having trouble with them ethically. It makes sense why we would normalize having an addiction, but isn’t it wrong to normalize the unacceptable behavior from it? Such as them being mean, gaslighting, blame shifting, accusing? I feel like these are similar tactics on how to negotiate with a hostage terrorist: use it for the purpose to get an end result. But, at some point we must speak the truth, right? Tip toe, walk on eggshells, don’t step on the land mines, put duct tape over your mouth, don’t upset this person who is basically mistreating you. What’s wrong with speaking the truth in love, and letting go of the outcome of how they receive it? I’m guessing you’ll say, “because that won’t work, that’s not effective.” But, why does “what work” feel so wrong then? It’s sort of like “the end justifies the means.” But does it - I wonder. Why does it leave us feeling like doormats? I’m all about being kind, don’t scream and yell, and show up as the person you want to be. But pampering their delicate ego, not speaking truth, and not recognizing that MAYBE their conscience needs some healthy conviction when they are behaving badly seems like it’s enabling the bad behavior. I know you’ll say the statistics and evidence prove me wrong. I appreciate all your videos and how you communicate. I have learned so much here.

Thank you for sharing. Helped me stay debt free for one more day. Thank you❤

Okay excellent

First thing limit alchol at home. Then later you find those 0places don't do it 4 you anymore nor those people

I tried this several times and it didn't work for me, I think my person is just absolutely addled with shame and guilt, or they will need more time to come around. I think he might actually be one of the people who do need to hit bottom. Literally nothing I've tried had worked so far and it's been over a year, employing your methods for 4 months now and not getting anywhere. He withdraws even more when I show humility.

People on the outside have no idea what it’s like. And yes they think you’re too much specially w the addict badmouthing after setting your boundaries. Add a narcissistic enabling parent to the addicted sibling and now we have another person/issue to deal with.

🥷🏻See more of Weston's American Ninja Warrior training 👉🏻kzbin.infovSb5p1n8DYY?si=yErrz2XmBNTR2UPn

Weston is the next American Ninja Warrior, so cool!

We are programmed as children to give our self up During the imprint period All taylor swifties (codependent)

My bro has finally been evicted by the court from my mothers house, she passed 4 years ago and I can deal with her estate, which I’m directing professionals from another country. The administrator wanted his phone number so she could give him an advance from the estate to help him rehome. So I had to sift thru a load of old numbers before I found one he might be on. After a few numbers I got a ringtone and spoke to him. It broke my heart, he sounded like him, he was crying and saying he’s addicted to everything and can’t function like normal people. I gave him some practical advice like applying to council for emergency temp accommodation, counselling, therapy,gp, and found myself repeating myself from years ago. He’s now sitting in his car in his lockup and it’s snowing. Next day I got pics from the house before house clearance and it made me cry, the state of it. But I can’t do the therapy for him, I had some years ago for myself. I hope that he can get a room with the advance but fear he’ll just go out on the gear and die. I stopped contact years ago because I feared for my safety. Now I fear for his.

I spent so much of my life trying to be the perfect son, friend, boyfriend, employee, etc. that it took a toll on me. I felt used and became resentful because it wasn't being reciprocated by others. I'm still a good person, but now I have boundaries.

Here's the first thing you do. Ask them if they want to stop drinking. If the answer is NO - stop wasting your time. I am so sick an tired of counsellors not getting that. If they dont want to stop drinking DO NOT WASTE a treatment bed that someone who really wants to get help needs. They know they have a problem. They either chose to keep the problem or deal with the problem. The choice is theirs, the responsibility is theirs. Period. Stop enabling. Stop making excuses. call a spade a spade.

The near gaslighting about the found empties.😂 Been there. Done that. On the non drinking end. Should sell t-shirts.

That dog teleported 😄

SLIPPERS NEWCOMERS As Bill sees It TRAVELLING OVER THANKSGIVING where everyone drinks. As Bill Sees It. How to Stay Sober!! kzbin.info/www/bejne/goG6lnh3aJh_rJY

Yep, recognize the gaslighting and projecting blame. My mom hid everywhere like that. Husband only a few places, but I know. I don't say a word. Just monitor amount. It's deadly!😢

Tried the 12 steps with a sponsor and i think it's full of shit. I was being gaslighted and manipulated. I got pissed off and when i get pissed it "can" creates triggers. I am NOT powerless over alcohol because if i was, I'd be holding and chugging a 40 ounce Mickey's beer while at meetings. I am sober and for that I DO HAVE POWER OVER ALCOHOL. i came into agreement that i had a serious addiction and I MADE THE DECISION TO BE SOBER AND STAY SOBER.