How Didn't I Know About My DID?

[@kylapereles-strickler2038]

If TLC can make a show about people not knowing they are pregnant then a person can not know they have DID

[@kellyslittleonesnursey]

Kyla Pereles-Strickler that's a great idea wonder if there's away to contact TLC about that

[@colleendoucette124]

Kyla Pereles-Strickler that’s also the point of DID. The system is supposed to hide it from you, because it’s your method of survival. So if they don’t want you to know you won’t

[@bittersweet9030]

I have DID and I didnt know until I was 29, I was diagnosed with other conditions like PTSD and anxiety and depression. It's very true once I finally saw a therapist that figured it out it all made sense and I could see it, where I couldn't before.

[@melaniequai1504]

Nah tlc would find a way to dramaticize it and ruin it w misinfo

[@Shadow-nlr]

@@colleendoucette124 There are other symptoms that are red flags. You may not know the name of the diagnosis, but you and those closest to you, know something is not right.

[@sleepyselkiesiren]

This is basically how I didn't know I have anxiety and sensory processing disorder; if you don't know any other way of living, you just assume everyone else feels the same

[@lightworthy]

same here with my chronic illnesses, if everyone around you tells you the pain from your joints dislocating is normal, you don't realize it's not. I'm 20 and STILL realizing things that aren't normal that I thought were

[@nochu9753]

yeah i thought derealization and depersonalization was a normal thing but i found out is not just like ocd

[@ember2441]

Lol. Same here with me and my Autism 😂😬

[@roxaslover1693]

Whoa I have Sensory Processing Disorder too? Like, since Its a tactile Issue for me, I could never fathom how people were Jeans and I couldn't, but my parents never told me that Disliking them was weird?? Like I grew up just thinking that normal people also got stressed out by their clothing?

[@SjofnBM1989]

Yes! I'm 30 and I JUST found out I had CPTSD for pretty much my whole life. Everytime when I was young my family members would just say "Oh she's just really shy." So I just internalized it and was like....yeah I'm just shy that's why I'm like this.....turns out....just trauma.

[@A6by]

The fact that DID caused me to not have any knowledge of my entire childhood did not even seem odd to me. I figured memories didn't form when you're that young. You don't remember being born, after all. So it's not weird to not remember middle school. I also figured that you can only have a certain amount of memories at a time, so it makes sense that you can't store them all, and only remember half of the time even when you're an adult. I had all of these assumptions about how the brain normally works, and none of them were accurate whatsoever, lol. In the end, I think it was a therapist who first told me that I should probably, you know, have memories. It's amazing what we tell ourselves when there's no point of comparison.

[@aspen_knitter]

Okay no but same, I used to think I would forget things or not remember because I had reached memory capacity with stem related things so other memories didn’t matter 😂 took me meeting some of my current friends to realize I’m meant to remember things and psych classes to teach memory not “filling up” 💀

[@toothmuze]

wait... it isn't normal not to remember life up until sophomore year of high school??? i was looking at this video to better write a character i'm working on (i do a lot of storytelling & roleplaying and i like to branch out and use it as an excuse to look into disorders and such i find fascinating). reading your comment made me realize that i don't remember like... anything. do people really remember their childhood n stuff???

[@A6by]

@toothmuze Yeah, most people remember at least the "formative" memories from things like high school really well. Stuff like that is literally why nostalgia and the idea of "peaking in high school" exists. I, and a lot of people with various traumas, don't at all.

[@toothmuze]

@ no stoppp that so odd 😭 that explains why my mom often gets so irritated when she asks about a past situation and I have to tell her I don’t remember it 😭

[@themoonlit-wolf3773]

I was extremely puzzled that my grandma now can remember things from when she was before 10. I assumed people talking about stories from that far back were just stitching together testimonies from their parents and people that told them what happened later.

[@mirimiriela480]

Another random phrase people say that can be a DID experience is "I was beside myself."

[@TheEntropySystem]

Oh, that’s a good one

[@delphinidin]

On the subject of not recognizing people who know you... So my dad got assigned a lab mate on the first day of school in tenth grade. His lab mate's name was George, I believe. They got to know each other in science class. Later that same day, Dad saw George going toward the end of the line at lunch. Dad pulled George into line with him. George said, "Thanks! Who are you?" George was not a system, however: he was an identical twin. :P

[@thisisauniquename]

As a twin, this is WAY too relateable 😂

[@melaniequai1504]

god I feel like if u were an identical twin it might b even harder to recognize u have did tho

[@yordvandamme]

@@melaniequai1504 was just about to say the exact same thing

[@savannam.7048]

My mom had no idea she had DID for a long time. Not until almost her mid-twenties. She knew she was losing time and she was told her personality sometimes drastically changed, but she figured it was all of the drinking and partying. So she stopped doing those things and not surprisingly, her time loss and "mood swings" (as described by others,) continued. It wasn't until someone she didn't know came up to her on the street, called her by another name (the most prominent alter still besides my mother herself) and was alluding to... Intimate activities my mother had no recollection of. Being as that she was completely sober, she started piecing some of it together, realized her brain friends were real, got in with therapists, and now lives in general harmony with her alters. That's obviously simplifying and paraphrasing A LOT, but it's the overall gist of things. When all you've ever known is one existence, you don't have anything to compare it to, in order to think It's not the usual way of things. Boundaries were established and everyone is more or less happy now!

[@cuddlypunks]

My mother also has DID, I’d love to talk privately about your experiences being the child of someone with DID, is this something we could do? Maybe exchange emails?

[@savannam.7048]

Emilie Hepburn, do you have Instagram? I rarely use it, but I like it as a point of contact with other people, since it has a private messaging system, and I could send you my email address that way (I'd rather not post my email here in the comments.) My IG name is prancingllamamama, and my Twitter is SavannaMllama, so either way you could send me a DM, and we could go from there. 😊

[@cuddlypunks]

Savanna The Aqua Llama I followed you on Twitter, my Twitter is cuddlypunks.

[@KittenKit1]

thats amazing!!! what is having heaps of different parents like?!

[@Sheryl777]

@@KittenKit1 My sister had DID, but wasn't made aware of it until her 30s by a therapist she had gone to who happened to speak with one of her alters. She had two children who had grown up with her having DID (without anyone's knowledge) and so I'm pretty sure it was just something they were fairly used to. They did wake up in the middle of the night occasionally seeing their mom sitting in the middle of their bedrooms playing with their toys when they were kids, so they had to have known something was up, but being kids, I'm sure they didn't know what was really going on though. (No one knew at that time).

[@aliceplays5092]

the real question is.... which one of your headmates likes kfc??

[@brentpieczynski]

Is that so you can trigger this individual, then enjoy a greasy time? As preparation for a details oriented mind, explore details until the morning after finding the correct, joined with the body personality, to persuade into being comforted.

[@georgerobins4110]

brent pieczynski What are you talking about, it was clearly a joke. Also it has since been discovered that Michelle is the one who likes KFC

[@kathrin9674]

@@georgerobins4110 no it wasn't. it was hard to understand but what he was asking is what we call "positive trigger" to let one of us switch or come forward. So George, the answer to your question is: yes. That said it depends on the alter you call forward. Sometimes it is helpfull, sometimes it might cause troubles. I have an alter who LOVES liquorize (wrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggg................ I hate it). I can ask her to cofront or to front by bying her most loved liquorize. Might cause problems as she isn't really into beeing nice, but... well

[@georgerobins4110]

Kathrin P. Not gonna lie, I’m super confused rn I’m part of a system so I do indeed know how positive triggers work. We can trigger out Alex with cute pictures of dogs. I’m not sure who that comment was directed at? I also just woke up so that may be a contributing factor to my confusion

[@wonderlandisalanguage9646]

I believe it was Michelle but I may be wrong.

[@river7487]

I thought all my alters were “imaginary friends” until this year. When I disassociated I thought I was just zoning out. And when I switched I thought that it was like normal to go on autopilot” bc a lot of people said “oh, yk those times when your brain just goes on autopilot?” And I was like “Yeah!”

[@NarwhalAcademy]

I needed to read this. Thank you for sharing. I thought I just had really really elaborate maladaptive daydreaming (also wonder how many people with maladaptive daydreaming are really systems)… a friend was telling me about a system this weekend… and then they also told me I’d been adamant I WASNT a system but I have no memory of that. But I remembered almost everything else from that night. And then it was just like a wall shattered and I got a couple “oh thank god they figured it out” but then I was wondering if I was falling because when someone else was fronting I was still aware of what they were doing I just didn’t really feel in control of my body

[@tj3771]

I definitely didn't realize I had DID but looking back it's like I've been dropping hints to myself my entire life. The skewed view of DID in the media also contributed to this. I honestly thought that everyone had a chorus of voices in their head and I was just bad at managing mine.

[@marqsward]

Right?! Like that's just your inner monologue and when you're torn on a decision or don't know what to do, the voice (s) in your head just chime in with forgotten bits of knowledge and different perspectives to help you decide.

[@tj3771]

YES! It's amazing because thinking back now I know who was fronting when and remember being helped out by "imaginary friends" when I really needed it.

[@haileymueller6153]

I don't have DID, but many of these things seem "normal." A lot of the "symptoms" seem just like what everyone else has, but no one says the extent to which they go. For example, "voices in your head" sound normal because many people's brains will just throw out some info that you didn't purposly think of, but with DID people are actually speaking. I'm sure it can be incredibly confusing.

[@fatinaezreen52]

I don't think I have DID, but sometimes i heard voices in my heard and talked to myself and got embarrassed when someone caught me lmao maybe it just me xD

[@crg1292]

of course its completely different, but i can at least say that i relate with the "not knowing what you dont know". i spent the mayority of my teen years just thinking everyone really wanted to die from time to time, and that everyone just planned how to succesfully kill themselves before i was diagnosed with depression. also, my little sister has boold pressure issues, and only two years ago we found out, so she spent almost to this point believing everyone felt like passing out after taking showers or just getting out of the bed, and that everyone just couldnt feel their fingers after doing the minimun of physical effort. its so very weird to realise something in your body/mind doesnt work they way most other people do. you really have to re-think what is "normal"

[@georgerobins4110]

I have anemia and blood pressure issues and I was the exact same way growing up

[@summahthevegan3796]

Normal is a setting on an appliance and nothing more. For what society claims to be "normal" cannot be proved to be so.

[@rosequill7925]

I know this is an old comment but the shower part of what you said kinda hit my brain and now i think that might be what's wrong with me because like getting up or showering or temperature changes make me feel faint and dizzy. So... Thanks for bringing that up and now I have to ask my doctor about it at my next appointment

[@tasm829]

Sometimes I do pass out in showers. It's so scary. That's a blood pressure thing?

[@Sam-rn9di]

My friend didn't know she had strabismus until she went to get her learner's permit. She literally saw double all the time and just thought that was how everyone lived. Most people get corrective surgery for it in elementary school and she had it done her sophomore year of high school

[@georgerobins4110]

With the "suddenly loving food that I've hated" thing, I noticed that, depending on who is fronting, we either love or despise peanut butter. It's the weirdest thing.

[@willow612]

George Robins omg I know this is old, but same here with the peanut butter. These past few weeks I have been doing so much research and realizing how much it all makes sense now.

[@Em_Elizabeth]

Or a change in appetite. Not sure if I'm really a system but under the influence of one mindset, I have no desire to eat at all and on another, get upset I didn't get food. Or maybe that's normal?

[@Es-Flowers]

This is INCREDIBLY OLD But I just want to say that this exact same food applies to us as well? I absolutely love peanut butter, but W(just three of us that I know of)hates it, and it makes them sick

[@vinegar_mince8746]

Man I was just thinking this qbout peanutbutter, creamy and dairy products too at time even though I just found I was lactose intolerant and despise milk.

[@sea7790]

A phrase that I struggled w/ a lot as a system was having “second thoughts” about something bc my protectors would constantly squabble over what was best for me lol but I thought it was normal bc other people would talk about having second thoughts or talking to themselves when they needed help making a decision

[@ZweiZombies]

0:08 D.I.D. is life *altering* ... I'm probably the thousandths person making that one

[@georgerobins4110]

Lol I thought that too

[@cassiapalladium2921]

I relate really hard to the food point. My headmate really likes sour candy and mint and foods with way too much onion. People at work keep asking me if I don't like sour gummy worms, why do I keep eating them? and like yeah no I wasn't the one who bought them 😭

[@Jalbesbe]

Woah woah woah. You're telling me that having music blaring in my head so loud that its hard to understand what people are saying is not a normal occurrence that everyone just has?!

[@kayaissimo]

Usually it’s when im trying to sleep, and it’s the same song verses repeated over and over. Although i think it’s an ADHD thing instead of anything else.

[@AlixHallow]

I have watched so many videos on people's DID experiences, and this comes closest to mine. I cannot put into words how comforting this is.

[@user-uk1tl4ct9y]

Lmao, I don't have DID but I can totally relate with the mind trying to explain things away, but like.. In a different way. I'm on the trans spectrum and bisexual, so there's a loooot I did and said in my childhood that I didn't realize were pretty queer until I figured myself out, including "every girl really really wants to be a boy sometimes. It's totally normal that I'm dressing up as one and forcing my friends to call me another name" or "see, [friend] also said [crush] is pretty. That probably means she wants to marry her too." Hdjsksksk, the delusion

[@TheEntropySystem]

As a bisexual I totally hear you 😂 my big one was “all best friends get butterflies around each other. That’s how you know you’re best friends!” -Wyn

[@this_is_diamond_rot]

You have a natural rhythm in your voice and I really appreciate that. It's comforting on a weird subconscious level.

[@TheEntropySystem]

Well thank you 😊

[@this_is_diamond_rot]

@@TheEntropySystem thank YOU for being there to guide me on my journey through this with the channel

[@sammy431]

Lol the childhood friends things was a big thing for me. I almost never remembered going over to their houses or what we did, and I only remember a few names. And I just figured 'I guess we were having so much fun it all just blurred together' or something. Whenever my mother asked what we did, I genuinely could not answer. Just "stuff" or vague like "played at the park" but beyond that? Not a clue. The big groups thing also happened with us, when I was younger Jess would front when I had to be charismatic and I would just me like 'well I'm nervous so I guess I'm overcompensating?' But no, it was Jess.

[@georgerobins4110]

sammy431 _ You mean you’re supposed to actually remember what you did at your friend’s house? Lmao what a mood tho

[@honeysplashh6427]

Me: I don't have DID, I'm just being delusional and trying to explain my stupidity and horrible memory! Also me: omg I relate to almost everything in this video wth I have DID Me again: what is wrong with you

[@ccre88trixx]

honestly, same

[@solstyxe]

Lmao I found an old comment from a separate account, I had no idea how long ago I found out about DID

[@crackers3978]

Same

[@undeserving_of_wifi]

Same

[@jellii]

@@solstyxe damn, lmao this comment sums up me so well though lol, except slightly different I was like “I don’t have DID but I want to watch this video” then “damn, I feel like I relate to most of the things in this video” and “wtf dumbass, of course you don’t have

[@taylorfoulkrod_art]

I totally understand this feeling that you're describing! I feel like this is the same feeling that I had when I realized my sexuality and then I looked back on everything and it all just made sense. It's kind of like once you see it you can't unsee it and you're looking back at the things you did and the ways you felt going "ohhh.. I get it now".

[@笑-s3x]

it's amazing how much of my life makes sense if i look at it through a DID perspective. i always had that thing with songs too, one time when i was little i'm sure i even hallucinated to hear an entire song which i heard just once the same day. i actually didn't realize this wasn't normal at all since months ago ?? this and the fact that even if i don't usually hear voices, sometimes some of my alters keep repeating phrases or concepts in my head when i'm repressing them. for one of them is even funny to do. the thing with the ghost girl, i found out people with DID "feel" their alters' presence near them just a few days ago, and i had this for entire years with one of the protectors. i was afraid i was going insane because i "felt" and "saw" him everywhere, i even turned around when walking through empty streets because i was sure he was behind me. it wasn't creepy at all, i just felt his presence so much i didn't know how to even explain it. then the severe episodes of derealization when i was little and all the missing pieces and memories and the changes in calligraphy and "mood" all throughout the years which i don't even know how to fill yet ?? everything seemed just so linear and normal to me. it's scary how every single thing or episode can be connected to my alters in some way. and i'm not even diagnosed yet. this is so frustrating

[@toscatattertail9813]

I was aware of "parts of me" since i was 10(1964), my mother explained it as me being psychic and i could sense the spirits around me, but still punished me when she caught me talking to them out loud. DID didn't come into the picture until 6 years ago, originally in the form of CPTSD , unreasonable Panic Attacks. I had already been diagnosed with clinical depression, several personality disorders, 2 kinds of anxiety disorders and bi-polar disorder. 4 years ago i was forced to retire because the hostile work environment i had been in just became too overwhelming and 70% of the time i ended up leaving work (thank heavens for FMLA). 2 years ago i got very sick and ran a high fever, ended up in the hospital, had a night terror where one of the littles came through and asked the Nurses to make it stop. That was how i found out that there was more than just "parts", there was a small village hiding inside.

[@CaptainMattnight]

Wow! I totally have had the food thing. It took me decades to realize what is actually was.

[@byrnehermanson6052]

I am in awe of those, like you, who have found the bravery and vulnerability to share about your experience. I KNOW as an ally, how much misunderstanding and loneliness those with dissociative disorders experience. Thank you!

[@kj-sf4md]

Yes. Yes! I was recently dx. All my life I knew something was different but never knew what it was. One day my T said ' you've been doing this for a very very long time." Again looked at her like she was nuts. But as I educate more. And look back...yes it ecplained all my 'quirks' but this knowledge really through me for a loop. Suddenly I began to self doubt, and wonder who I really was. which Part was the real me. After more education. It's all me. Which was another hard concept. Sometimes it's just all so overwhelming. Thank you. your videos has helped and encouraged.

[@Slipping_thru_the_Seams]

thanks for sharing. i was making system maps three years ago and still only just found out that's what it was a couple days ago 😅 i thought i was like mapping spiritual/cosmological concepts/energies. maybe it was a mix of both tbh

[@andirogynous5406]

Omg that song thing used to happen to me too, and when you mentioned it my headmate LoLi piped up saying "oh yeah, I used to play music in my room all the time." He actually still does, tbh 😂 but usually when he plays music and/or sings, it's when we're all together. He really likes throwing "headspace parties" for us.

[@CHPetMom]

Headspace parties - he sounds cool - blessings to you all!

[@mollyryan5381]

Andi Rogynous can you experience that and not have DID?

[@georgerobins4110]

Lol he sounds great XD

[@shizuko_zx8770]

Oh yeah oh my gosh I actually have a alter like that too! He loved and I mean loves music he’s practically the systems dj and is always there at the parties either in the center of attention or he’s the party’s dj it’s crazy how similar it is huh? Also edit his name is skyline how bout yours? What’s your alters name?

[@plagueofmoths]

That sounds really fun! I wish I had an alter like that. My most extroverted alter is Tar, who is extroverted in the sense that he's homicidal and a little crazy.

[@beatrixkerr2542]

I have BPD, and my mom had DID. For me, it's really difficult to tell whether I have DID or OSDD-1b, or if it's just my BPD + trauma + anything I internalized / subconsciously learned from my mom.

[@phil1522]

DID is difficult for me in that I'll go through periods, like right now, where I'm relatively stable over a longer period of time. During that time I start to think I was making everything up. Then one day it's like I pop back in and then I realize that nothing was being made up, it's real. It always feels like a "coming to" or a "waking up" moment. Regardless tho, the periods where I am stable, or I suppose you could say one person is in the front seat for a significant period of time is very nice cuz I manage to remain consistent and accomplish a lot.

[@DAFlint]

I immediately feel calm just from watching this.

[@CRYSTALNOODLES]

exactly " i just thought my experiences were NORMAL "

[@serenityfinley2933]

I feel like that ending statement fits well with so many mental illness experiences. My depression was present since I was REEEEALLY young, and in elementary school all my teachers would just say I was more mature and understanding when in reality I was having existential crises at the age of 6 and probably should've been getting help lmao, but it really contributes to a lack of childhood 😖same with my depersonalization. It was so strong in middle school but I didn't know anything was wrong until I literally saw myself in third person and my friend was like "wtf serenity no". Anyways, I find it completely understandable that if you have something growing up, you're not going to know something is wrong until someone describes it to you as being abnormal

[@tiffanieb2504]

How do I even bring this up to my doctor? It felt like you were telling me my own life story..

[@mckenzievynn]

Ohhhhh myyyyy godddddddd I totally did the music thing too and would hum constantly cuz an alter would comfort me but she’s a fictiv similar to princesses who are always singing 👀🥺

[@malenamariephillips6574]

I feel this so much!!! I haven’t had a DID or DDNOS diagnoses yet but I’ve known about my alters for about 6 years but only realized they were even alters maybe only 6 months ago. (I also have schizoaffevtive so I guess my therapist thought the “voices” were a part of that.) Anyway... when I look back on my life too, I can see who was who and in what situation or part of my life. My sexuality and gender identity has changed so much in the last couple of years as well! Thank you for this video!

[@mmtruooao8377]

This reminds me a lot of when my friend came out as trans, realizing so many different thing. Her mom had claimed so many times that she was supportive and she never wanted to hurt her and she always let her children play with whatever they wanted. But this wasn't a little boy that wanted to play with dolls, it was a little girl who wanted to play with spaceships. It was a girl who was constantly being told "you're allowed to express yourself" while simultaneously "the boys section is that way" "don't hold your cup like that, it's too girly" "you don't really want to wear a purse? Isn't that a bit weird?" "you are not wearing a dress to prom" "I think if it was true I would have more memories that lined up with it"

[@Em_Elizabeth]

My brother used to steal our dolls and play with them but he was the only boy with five sisters so our mom didn't care.

[@katesuze8418]

I was kinda always aware of the others, but like you, didn't know what I didn't know. Thought other folx lived the same type of experience. Got diagnosed in my early 40s, and now at 52, we're all pretty co-conscious and work together well. Sometimes more "together," sometimes more "apart" (depending on the stress level and ability to cope at that moment). I remember people I know telling me that they'd say "hi" to me, but that I'd stare right through them, and act like I didn't know them.

[@Lilacil]

While I don't lose time (That I know of), I've never retained any memories, & can't reach the handful I do have consistently. I have a short-term memory but I'm only ever semi-present. I don't think it's quite the same thing to be half aware/control all of the time, but I still related so much to this video. I really appreciate you making it, it really gives me something to think about.

[@theNoctifloralParacosm]

i didnt realize i had OSDD (1b) because the trauma i had gone through a lot as child was over and relatively calm for the rest of my childhood, until that very same kind of trauma happened around 1-2 years ago, but worse in tenfold, my alters poked their heads around the corners and somehow i just knew they'd been there all along, and some were new. we're safe now and doing better but i dont know what i would've done had they not been there

[@xavierquinn5215]

This was such a good informational video. We had a lot of the same experiences you mentioned. The food thing is a good example. And it's really not like how some people would think about having preferences at different times. Food hatred can get to the level of phobia. It really doesn't make sense to be literally scared of a food one minute and craving it the next in a normal person. And the sexuality example is really accurate. It's not the same as the typical " bi-cycle" at all. There's a difference between preferring one over the other sometimes, and absolutely hating one and being confused as to why you ever thought you liked it. Only for the next day to come and you are thinking entirely the opposite. Only for a little bit later to realize you are asexual and completely uninterested in anyone...and no matter how many times you think you've finally nailed down your identity...it continues changing drastically in the same cycles...for years. Eventually you start to figure something is up. The language really is a big reason I think so many people took so long to figure out what was going on with themselves. I always knew there was something " wrong " or different about me though. But I just called myself "weird" for the longest time and left it at that. It's pretty easy to live a somewhat " normal" life with DID for a long time and to explain away a lot of the strange things that happen to you like you mentioned with your old friend, as upsetting as it feels to you at the time at least you " look" normal on the outside to other people. My excuse was always that I was tired. I must just be tired today. Oh you know how I get when I"m tired...and I would use it to explain away everything from depression, to my happy hyper-active alters, to littles, to weird accents. After a while as I got older people would tell me " tired doesn't make people act like you do." :/ It's particularly true what you said about not being able to find something you aren't looking for. Even when I found out about my DID the same people who constantly criticized me and called me weird and judged me for being so " two faced" and " ditzy" and " forgetful" and " fake" are the same people who said "you've never shown any signs of DID" when I tried to be open with them about it. So how was I meant to see it when the people around me refused to believe it when it was slapping them in the face? I thought they would be relieved to find out why I was so "weird" tbh. I know I was at least. I only realized the truth when the weirdness crossed the line into actually hearing their voices and what used to be cooperation in the body turned into what felt like demon possession of it and a barrage of psychosomatic symptoms... And even then it took me a few months to figure out what the hell was going on. The strangest things was though...looking back over my old journals and finding old online communities (eg asking for help on psyche forums) , and finding that other parts had already figured out about the DID. Or at least if they didn't know entirely, were much more aware than I had been years earlier. Some even used terms like " multiple personalities" so casually almost like a joke in old journals. I was so shocked to see that because I never remembered writing anything or even thinking anything like that before in my life. It was almost as if someone else had been writing in my journals. Which they were of course, but there goes the language again.

[@leedraconis5793]

I’m a vegetarian and one of my head mates really likes meat. Yeah that’s a battle lmao

[@shaulahernandez2954]

fucking same!!!! I never understood this no meat yes meat we have compromised to no red meats for the love of our health chicken will forever be in Adhara's diet at we stopped chicken nuggets lol

[@vykkye]

I'm the same too. Lifetime veggie, well what I remember but in times of real stress I find myself eating meat. I had a suicide attempt in 2018 I remember locking myself in the toilets at work.... Don't know how much time passed but the next thing I know I'm sitting in a local BK eating fucking chicken nuggets while crying with my hood up. 😂

[@katrinasharp3512]

I don’t have DID or OSDD, but what you said about the singing/music in your head… Well, I get that… and up until now, I thought it was normal.

[@twinstarssystem2857]

could just be normal earworms

[@zoejensen1605]

Growing up I had awful OCD and I thought everybody counted and touched things that much, they just didn't talk about it. 1000 mental breakdowns later, finally figured it out after reading a J-14 article about OCD. I would have never gotten help or treatment if it wasn't for that

[@no.scrvbs]

My psychiatrist thinks i might have did and this is really really helpful thank you

[@JuiceMade3603]

Hey Wyn... so a little while ago on a few videos ago I made a comment on your video that may or may not have offended you. I never meant to be rude. I don’t want you to think that I think you are weak in the way you would be hurt by comments, or weak at all for that matter. but I do know what I said wasn’t right. It was on the video when your alters were doing a Q&A, and I made an insensitive comment about your bisexuality, and then I continued to argue about it. Someone helped me see how what I said was wrong and offensive. So I don’t think you are hurt by this, but I just wanted to say I am very sorry about what I said and I have learned it is wrong. I love your videos and would never want to make you have to read more insensitive stuff than you already do. So I am very sorry, and I appreciate your channel spreading DID awareness, pro LGBT, and pro Wiccan things, which we could always use more of. Again, I apologize from the bottom of my heart. -TJ

[@SpiritualThoughts]

Natsuki Senpai one of the greatest gifts we posses as humans is the gift of change. We can always change our minds and realize when we are wrong. It’s beautiful that you realized and apologized, it shows that you have a good heart

[@worms8222]

Natsuki Senpai This just made my whole morning! I’m lgbt+ and I’ve never seen someone actually listen and admit they’re wrong PLUS apologize. I know they’re out there but this was a very refreshing experience. I’m not sure what you did but we’re all humans capable of making mistakes and capable of admitting our mistakes and changing. Thank you for sharing this Eliza! Have a nice day!

[@JuiceMade3603]

Ravenclaw pride thank you! I am also LGBT, but that doesn’t mean I understand and know everything about how it works, and it doesn’t mean I can’t learn.

[@worms8222]

Natsuki Senpai Yes exactly! We’re all learning and evolving!

[@JuiceMade3603]

Ravenclaw pride also I’m also ravenclaw. •3•

[@practicepositiveprogress5396]

Thanks so much for this video! ❤️ Occasionally I'll diagnose myself with something with just the tiniest evidence and get hooked on that for a while, even tho it's clearly not true. This video sorta reenforces what I've been trying to convince the part of me that thinks I have DID that I don't actually have it. I do think of my mind using IFS (internal family systems) so I think of my mind in parts, but each part is less of an individual, and more of just a part of my whole. ❤️

[@jordangregoire2822]

omg when you mentioned the fact that when you're angry your voice has an accent, for YEARS I been told I yell with an "irish" accent and I always just thought it was cause I was trying to talk so fast that I messed my voice up etc

[@chesspiece4257]

I have OSDD-1b so it was really hard to see that my inner dialogue was in fact not a normal quirky thing

[@Lackaday.]

Recently I was thinking back to times in high school where I'd find myself in "fancy mode", and I just made the connection that "Oh. Oh that was. That was Ospina. Ah. I see."

[@cloudberries]

Amelia Huff Ospina is such a pretty name!

[@authorshanntajiah]

Hi Wyn! I've been lurking around your channel for a long while now, and I love everything that you share. I think you have the best way of describing what it is like to experience DID. I received my official diagnosis last summer, to my knowledge I have been multiple since I was three. I completely get what you are saying about how easy it is for us to miss that there is anything different about our reality from someone else's experience. It was earth shattering to me when I realized as a teen that not everyone had a crowd of people chattering in the brain. Thanks again for being so brave in sharing your lives with us - I appreciate you all so much :)

[@sthorsdottir1541]

this speaks to me on a spiritual level. your channel is so empowering and validating for me, and i hope y'all keep it up for a long time!

[@The_Sentai_System]

When I was a kid there were these Caramel Apple suckers. the first time I had one I hated them, the second time I loved them, the third time I hated them again. I never understood why but maybe one of my alters really liked those suckers. Also one of my alters is Southern and I can slip into the accent easily.

[@curlyprivat22]

I would feel embarassed going to a therapist saying I might have DID and then not have it. I am so scared of seeming scared.

[@Robin-sl3sr]

"It's like there is a war inside my head" is so true.

[@justsomedude9931]

My favorite one is when you know you don’t know the words to a song & someone comes through, just to body that song & pop back in

[@GutsAndGall]

Wyn, I'd love to hear more about how DID evolved. You mentioned Daniel was more two-dimensional initially and then that evolved. I think it'd be helpful to understand how DID manifests in earlier stages. Maybe people who don't yet know if they have it can identify with that.

[@sweetheartxox727]

Your videos have been such an eye opener, and I wanted to thank you for the amazing quality of your content. I've been able to share this content with my loved ones and they've found a new understanding of D.I.D. . Keep on doing what you're doing! 😀

[@lorainisrael]

When I started this journey a few weeks ago, I thought I had no amnesia, however, the more I dig in, the more alters I meet, the more memories they show, the more I become less convinced. There are more and more examples of me not remembering things. So it just never happen to me that I would wake up somewhere not knowing where I am, but it seems I still managed to forget a lot of things. I guess the amnesia can also be disguised. Which actually makes sense as you’re supposed to feel normal.

[@poppysquids]

so I have some of these experiences but I still can't get past the idea of like "I'm not experiencing this I just want to have a system"

[@mil0.sc0ut]

GOD biggest mood on the food thing though. the level of pickiness is so so varying between us, like i (the host) am kind of a picky eater, but then we have an alter who Loves greasy food and then another one who'll just eat anything. for me, it's really the most glaringly obvious symptom, because i'll be co-fronting with someone and i'll just be thinking "why am i eating this? i don't like this food, why am i enjoying this"

[@gracegotthis3704]

I thought I had moods. But couldn’t understand my memory loss was about and handwriting was sooo different. God bless all who have battled this.

[@sad_doggo2504]

It was weird, I was even in a community that had a ton of overlap with multiplicity, but I still didn't think that could describe me. And I was always lamenting the fact that I wasn't a "consistent" person; all the constant changing left me feeling like I didn't even know who I was. But I was most frustrated by the fact that I just wanted to be like everyone else, so I guess every time it happened, I crossed my fingers and hoped against hope that THAT was the real me, that something I'd done had worked and I was emerging like a butterfly from a cocoon. Of course, after 12 years of rabid searching for clues and answers (I have animal alters, so you can bet I was freaking out), I'm relieved, but there are definitely as many challenges as there are joys...

[@soccerandtrack10]

I played the blood of the dead for the 1st time,a door was open/i didnt open it(i thought its new/so its open),i opened the door near the electric cherry perk alot now.i got on christmas/only time the door opened/i dont know how(i didnt see the points so i dont know to figure it out.)

[@autisticedgelords1384]

btw, for people in the comments who dont know much about dissociative disorders - they are meant to be covert. the purpose is to hide the trauma from the host

[@samiloulalee]

This is very fascinating and now makes me wonder how much of my "normal" behaviors as a kid weren't actually that normal! I've not been diagnosed with anything (at least yet) but I think I've got OSDD. But it took me years to even realize what's been happening with me. The first alter I remember gaining, came when I was 14. I discovered DID at either 15 or 16, but still didn't realize what was going on because I thought that my experience was too different to be DID. I didn't realize at the time that it's a bit of a spectrum and had thought that it was exactly one way and only one way. So before I realized what was going on, I thought I had stuff like Schizophrenia or Psychosis, despite not really having hallucinations, or Bipolar disorder. It wasn't until one of my alters made it very obvious that I was like "wait a minute..." It took me 6 years to even consider DID or OSDD despite knowing about it for 4 or 5 years...

[@AndreaRuizCa]

As always very informative! Also you look amazing with that makeup!!!

[@catholicflower2018]

It helps me feel better looking at history and seeing the human brain naturally has always found a reason for things that didn't make sense. Looking back in our own lifes, we can feel silly we were so oblivious to how these events are connected, but we did our best to understand with what we have. Most peoples only definition of living as a system is from tv and movies - that are usually very dramatic or at least misinformed. It's not easy to recognize DID in everyday life.

[@starsfae]

i relate to this a lot! thank you guys for sharing :)❤ your channel is helping me to discover more about DiD and understand myself more and more

[@danniellenelson9446]

So right on. I could say so so much! You hit it all on point for us. Thank you for just sharing your experience. It mirrors ours very much. Especially teenage years. Normalizing the "strange occurrences" in our lives, the changing themes, the changing voices, the changing clothes. My kids classmates as I come to pick to my son up (whispering throughout the room) Hey, is that your mom or your dad? yeah, that happened...

[@jazzygarbo4828]

I have no reciliation of a someone I was apparently real good friends with for a year but everyone swears we were friends and my sister remembers a lot of stuff I don't remember and sometimes it feels like I'm sharing my head with anther presence... I feel like I should see someone about this (also I've been exercised a whole bunch of times by my church and family)

[@hollygordonphotography4805]

I share many of the same experiences that you’ve had - like not remembering people who I’ve evidently met several times, losing time and losing so many memories (Swiss cheese memory.) You are brilliant. The way you describe your did experiences is so clear and understandable. And you are so knowledgeable about did. I am going to send you a list of all the good books I have on did and trauma. Thank you for all of your hard work! Namaste.

[@nbee4628]

I just had a breakthrough last night. Never knew I had multiples. I'm still a little freaked but so much of my life makes sense now. ❤

[@mksparrow5398]

I only found out 4 yrs ago, I have DID...I am in my 50's now....I thought I was normal, and my kids and family called me "quirky"....I figured memory loss, confusion, intense frustration, talking to myself, impulsiveness and wild mood swings...was just me! I had huge blocks of amnesia throughout my life....now they are answered..I may not be able to recall certain memories, but one of my girls can...they have their memories and lifestyle and I have mine...they have their file cabinets, and I have mine....

[@adrianblue5723]

Me: thinks I have osdd and is looking for proof Sees this: it all makes sense now

[@donaldstewart1634]

I have recently discovered having a group of individual voices internally respond to questions in my head is not normal. I mean, I’m not surprised. After multiple near-death experiences, death threats, discrimination, and traveling the world; not much surprises me...us?

[@thesocialtaco]

This video showed up in my recommended and I’m like nervously laughing at how much I relate. Especially the food thing and random people coming up and hugging me like we were best friends. Not remembering someone but them saying we hung out all the time. Maybe I should find a therapist? But I don’t think I have DID. Surely there would have been more signs? I’m 24.

[@puppytopartnertraining]

I feel like this, when I look back I can find so many times “others” had been there with me, and also went thru what I thought were phases but don’t remember that time anymore. And I was different then I am now but thought it was just a phase. But I always felt things were normal, but now I know they were not at all. Thank you for making these videos they are so helpful💕

[@anabellascott5054]

I can kinda relate. I have a friend named Samantha and I don’t even remember how we became friends. I don’t know if I have D.I.D or any other dissociative disorder but I’ve definitely felt like I’m not me at times.

[@LifeIsBeautiful1610]

I often wonder if I have something like this. I experienced sexual abuse as a child and there are times that I seem to “space out” so to speak. I’m often asked by my husband and friends if I’ve ever been diagnosed bipolar because one second I’m normal and the next I’m so angry I throw shit. It’s so weird. I’ve been to many doctors about these daily headaches that don’t get better with medicine and optometrists because the pain stems from my eyes. I tend to notice frequent attitude changes in myself throughout the day but because I notice them I don’t think DID could be it. But I notice I’m either my normal self, very soft spoken and motherly, extremely angry, hyperactive, or just hate the world and want to be left alone. Lol could be normal human emotions but it’s always one of the 5

[@panscentralexpresspresents4733]

Im begining to get concerned. I'm 21 and ive struggled with mental health issues since i was 12 or 13. I suffered sexual abused between the ages of 2 and 5 that i cannot really remember. My mother abused me physically and mentally and neglected me when she had me but at age five i was kid napped by her by my grand mother and baby sitter and they went to court, and deemed her an unfit mother for 3 years and at age 8 i moved back in with her.Ive been diagnosed with a handfull of issues, I spent a total of 3 years in hospitals. I have several very different handwritings which come out usually in pages or paragraphs apart from eachother. Ive kept a journal and written poetry since i was a about 10 and there has been more hand writings come in over the years . I think there is about 5 but i usually only see 2 and occasionally a third. I have a very momentary memory, in which everything i do is sort of a fog, and i have a general idea of where i have been and whats gone on, most of the time, nothing detailed usually, except for moments of clarity. Whats really made me realize how little i remember, is that i got married, i spent a week in tennesse in a beautiful cabin me husband and i picked out together with family, and i know i did a good job, but i cant fucking remember anything Its like from the time i stepped into the cabin, to the time i got back in my car as far as i can remember i was told about it and saw pictures. This happens in other instances, like when i can speak in public settings such as grocery stores or resturants. Also people I do not know at all, keep talking to my friends about me and how cool i am and that we hung out in highschool, and i didnt have any friends in highschool. I was in hospitals so much it was hard to make friends! and I got my Ged when I was 16 by some miracle as i had choose not to do anything after 4th grade for some odd reason i just failed purposely not trying on anything except that which interested me. Sometimes i cant bring myself to do anything, other times i am a fucking wonder woman. Sometimes i can write extremely impressing essays about the human mind, other times i cant think about anything except sex. I also feel like, Each one of my eyes has its own mind, I can feel the left eye and see its perspective and vision as well as the right eye and they are two different minds, and there is a third perspective that comes in when i close my eyes. which is different from both my right and left eye. and I feel like my sexual abuse is running on replay somewhere in my mind that I cant reach. I cant see it but i hear like, crying and i feel scared and childish. I sometimes accidently talk like a child and it always happens in the same circumstances. I can usually turn it off but sometimes it just gushes out. Usually when im making a silly joke or inneracting with my husband. Its not like im choosing to do it though, its like the instances brings out another voice that i dont relate to and feelings and playfullness comes out thats not me. Ive been thinking of seeing a therapist, but as i said, i spent 3 years in hospitals and after i turned 16 The last time i was released from hospitals, I threw all my medications out as they helped nothing, I still struggled with impulsive self harm and suicidal thoughts, rage and delusions voices and visuals. I swore never to take medication again. i met and moved in with my now husband. I keep myself in a safe zone, or try to. I dont have to work because my husband takes care of the bills. I am mostly able to fullfill my duties as a hows wife, as well as take care of myself although i struggle sometimes. I struggle mentally with conflicting thoughts contradicting ideas and moral values. There is always at least two streams of thought going and they always have opposite opinions about what i need to do, and they argueing can become a blown out fight for power. I have a handle on what ever is wrong with the functioning of my mind, But its tiring and lonely. And i want some one who understands... Not some one that wants to fix me. Not some one that wants to cure me. Not some one that wants to chemically change me. I want some one who is going to help me gain a better understanding of myself so that i can be more peaceful. Because even when im apathetic and suicidal im still over all satisfied with life, im just tired of the struggle thats going on with in my mind. While there is alot of good that comes from some of the voices "spirits" and hallucinations i do have, the older i get, the more negative manifestations innerjections and compulsive split and forced thinking seems to set in around the beauty of my imaginative child hood. My imaginary friend has returned though, and i think im really glad to see him.

[@pytl9]

I am not an expert and I usually don't comment on videos, but I felt compelled to reply to your comment. You say that you don't want to go to therapy because you don't want to take medications. You can still get talk therapy without medications. The trick is in finding the right therapist. When you interview a therapist for the first time, tell them what you said here: "And i want some one who understands... Not some one that wants to fix me. Not some one that wants to cure me. Not some one that wants to chemically change me. I want some one who is going to help me gain a better understanding of myself so that i can be more peaceful." Their reaction will tell you if they're the right therapist or not.

[@beatrizxa]

Jesus loves you :)

[@icecreamlove84]

After watching and learning DID from different channels, I just thought it will be so interesting to have DID people as friends. Instead of having one friend, it is like having 6 friends with one person.

[@the_nightfall_system1963]

oh man you just reminded me of the first time chris started forming in middle school. MY friends use to tell me "sometimes your katy and sometimes you tell us to call you chris and your a dude" I always say that i honestly thought this was normal because it IS my normal. Constantine says he has been around since before we moved here and that was when i was 4..... so ive literally grown up with him and everyone else along the way and it never dawned on me that it wasnt like this for everyone else even after we were diagnosed. I remember in middle school (probally right around when our therapist started mentioning DID. we had a weekly therapist and i remember she would refer to us differently like shed say "how is Angel doing" or "did chris ever soft this out" and i was so confused because these were people i had yet to meet but they had ben open with her) Rayven expalained everything to me at lunch one day and i still didnt want to understand until years later when i stumbled upon M&M and this channel and jers and it was a huge relief to say "ah ok so even if this isnt the norm it is for other people" and it really helped me want to come to terms with it

[@josephbelisle5792]

It's so true. I always knew I was different but having had this since I was an infant I too had no reference point. Looking back I can now see so much that happened that shows that I have DID. I'm still learning who they are but I am at peace with it. And it is kind of fun. We are a family of sorts. As you have Daniel, I have Chloe. She is great.

[@Nobody13138]

This helped me so much ^_^ I recently got diagnosed with DID and been struggling to accept it ( mainly because it paniced me with the sense of losing control of my time and identity) but I know it's reality. A lot your experiences remind me of my own. Especially with ghost girl. This made me smile and cry happy tears. :))

[@lishumallow]

Why....why is that I can relate to almost everything....

[@marriahdawn7413]

I'm 27 and just finding out that I have DID. It's scary as hell. Thank you for sharing your life.

[@femmedracula]

Your KFC hate and love is extremely relatable, although I'm the reverse. I like it most of the time, but sometimes I feel like even looking at it is a mistake.

[@jaidebeck]

I thought I had it but nope.ppl talked at first now nothing.I don’t want to keep trying .. no therapist and don’t need them.

[@p3rs3_m]

I've been through 26 major traumas from the ages of 3 and 20 I would talk to myself as a kid. My family always said that I was so good at acting but I never felt that I was acting. I have many different versions of myself. These versions I switched to During certain situations or certain emotions. When I was around 10 I had this really messed up situation where my friend and her sister said that we can go into our brain into this imaginary world and interact. We never interacted with one another in that world. The sister later told me that it was a game and that if I seriously talk to people and have a world in my head I need to see a therapist and I never did. At about 20 years old I had a really bad relationship and tried to mentally go into this world and commit suicide a all of light came down as I was impaled and said that I didn't have to do it alone and that it was okay and I didn't have to be scared the sword was removed from my stomach no blood and no wound the ball of light and I fused into one it was a tear jerking experience I closed this door and locked it at 32 my 26-year-old brother died suddenly it felt like black smoke leaking out the Cracks around the door then started the different version of me who was very angry in these moments I was told I was completely different and the next day I wouldn't remember much just bits and pieces of what had happened I was a shameful tired and exhausted just getting to an extreme level of anger and not remembering bits and pieces or not remembering any of the argument / conversation has been happening ever since when I'm pushed beyond my means when I hit my Breaking Point over the last 3 years I've been told that I should talk to a therapist that there's a possibility that I might have did within this year I hadn't slept through the night fully for 5 months I may be slept through the night a handful of times I ended up opening up the door and slept through the night ever since I'm told I'm very indecisive I'm always changing my mind or 1 minute I like something and then another minute I don't and then I'm very confusing that's why I mean what you say and say what you mean is always been hard for me I have therapy appointment this Friday

[@trainfanatic2456]

My experiences started when I was 5 ... That's when Eric came about and it just went from there. I didn't like some foods and now I eat just about anything and Everything.... They would sing also... It would be loud... Haha much love from us over here ... Your amazing at giving advice ... Thank you so much your a big inspiration to us .. To push three the bad!!!!!!

[@the_mushroom_system]

I don't remember my childhood but I remember talking to the people in my head and them talking back one of my imaginary friends was afraid to go home she was also poor and I never saw my imaginary friends just heard them

[@phil1522]

Bit off topic, and this video is 6 years old now, but those books on your book shelf... they look like the Horus Heresy from Warhammer? Yes? That's AWESOME.

[@ccre88trixx]

I do the food thing with beef. It normally makes me feel sick, but once in a while I'll just crave it and think beef tacos or burgers are like the best thing I've ever eaten. And friends all the time too. I can't even count the amount of times I'll have what I think is an acquaintance (like I barely remember them) only to find out they know way more about me than any acquaintance should and we've apparently hung out multiple times despite me only remembering being around them once and not even that closely... I also distinctly remember my best friend Katie from when I was like 3 or 4. I remember she had blonde hair, her name obviously, and that she had a sand box. I know that I went to her house a lot but can't remember actually being there. It's so weird. Like I have memories of being in her sandbox and looking at her face and I *know* that I went there a lot, but I don't have any memories of anything else we did or being inside her actual house or even any adults being there (I think something may have happened there because anytime I think about her I get a really uneasy feeling in my stomach). And everyone talking to you in school!! In high school I felt like *everyone* knew me. And my school was pretty big, my graduating class was 300 students. People would call me by name all the time that I absolutely did not know. I always wondered how they knew my name and figured it must be because I was in color guard with the marching band, but tbh that makes zero sense because it's not like our names were ever announced lmao.

[@jade747]

That music thing used to happen to me too!! In first grade, a song would play in my head every morning when I was walking into class and my friends would ask why I was bobbing my head in silence.

[@cadencesteward3593]

Are these not experiences everyone has? The one where people you don’t recognize say hi to you hit me so hard, as well as the one where you talk about someone singing to you.

[@Lila7495375]

My accent also changes when I am angry. I don't have DID. I bet plenty of people have this

[@shantibants3949]

I worry sometimes I have DID but made excuses for a long time. Ive used my smoking cannabis to excuse my memory and time loss. People used to come up and know me and I'd have no idea who they were, that stopped when I started travelling. I don't know how to tell if my identity and personality changes are a survival mechanism and just feeling like a different person. The food preferences hits hard. But there's other symptoms that might be delusional (like when I was younger thinking I had a giant black man inside me that would come out and protect me). I haven't had good experiences with therapists, opening up and trusting people is not something I'm capable of doing even at almost 40

[@meganlovzcookies]

Your getting the advantage of makeup, it looks gorgeous 😱❤️ usually my alter does my makeup 😅

[@bwennadaba801]

Megan Cloud SSSAAAAMMMEEE

[@JuiceMade3603]

Megan Cloud ikr! Its so beautiful!!! •3•

[@UniDocs_Mahapushpa_Cyavana]

Maybe, if the host alter only came into existence/fused later on, their memories would be fresh formed at that point and thus they cannot remember clear evidence 📑 from earlier. Easily, at least.

[@salma_the_love_system]

It would be amazing if people with DID could have an online platform to communicate directly with each other and share challenging experiences to one another... some of these people are really isolated and misunderstood by people around them ... it would be such a relief for them to meet and communicate with others who can deeply understand them; a genuine, deep understanding and empathy coming from personal experiences of this condition...