How do siblings shape our character? | DW Documentary

We learn and hone our emotional, moral and social skills with siblings. Our personalities take shape within the family unit in the early stages of our lives with brothers and sisters. Which influences wield the greatest impact during this time?
In his role as therapist, the Swiss psychologist and sibling researcher Jürg Frick sees the many diverse roles that brothers and sisters can play in our lives. The most influential factors are gender and age difference, but upbringing also plays a major role.
As part of early research into sibling relationships in the 1920s, the Austrian psychologist Alfred Adler focused initially on sibling constellations. The assumption was: firstborn children are more responsible, middle children are more cooperative and the babies of the family are more willing to take risks. But is that really true?
Personality psychologist Julia Rohrer from the University of Leipzig has analyzed large data sets from long-term studies for the first time. Her research shows: the position within the sibling constellation has less influence on someone’s character than previously thought. One aspect stands out, however: studies show that women who grew up with younger brothers earn less than those with younger sisters. It’s hoped that further research can shed more light on the reasons for this.
Current medical research even enables babies to be born in order to save their sibling’s life. Take Jamie Whitaker from the UK, for example: A test-tube baby, he was created to be a perfect tissue match to help his brother Charlie, who had been born with a rare blood disorder. Jamie’s embryo was a 98 per cent genetic match with his brother Charlie, so Jamie could donate the stem cells needed for a life-saving transplant. They’re both healthy adults now. But what impact does selecting suitable embryos to create savior siblings have on the sibling relationship? To date, this practice is ethically contested and even banned in many nations.
Studies with identical twins are also producing increasingly significant results. The hope is that we’ll be able to answer the urgent medical questions of our era: What influences the incidence of obesity, cardiovascular disease and Long COVID? Are genetic factors decisive - or are external factors more important?
#documentary #dwdocumentary #siblings
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[@Sonzoul1]

Parents play a huge role on the dynamic of the children

[@honeybunch5765]

So agree. My mother played us off against each other. She created disrespect and distrust between each other. She was especially abusive towards me and made it normal for my siblings to pick on me. I became more successful than any of them because of my determination, and they could not handle it. The best was to break away from them. They are way too toxic.

[@taurus_beauty11-11]

Agreed!

[@ergin3d]

I really love all of my siblings. Life got in the way; they got married, and we drifted apart. I have unconditional love for all of them and have never seen any of them as a rival at any point in my life. In this unforgiving life, we are surrounded by monstrous animals; those are our rivals, not our siblings. ❤❤❤

[@lcmazza]

The lack of love is not an issue most of the time, but there are many other issues which the doc did present in a serious and real coverage.

[@dmrenterprizes4101]

I wish my relationship with my siblings was like yours. My siblings, except one, are violent and abusive. I avoid them.

[@lim8581]

Sibling relationships are a fascinating and complex web of influences that shape our lives. The research presented in this documentary offers valuable insights into the dynamics between brothers and sisters. Thank you for shedding light on this intriguing aspect of human development.

[@dlewis8405]

I have identical twin brothers in law who are about ten years younger than I am. I have known them since they graduated from high school. They are quite competitive with each other in sports and grades. I think this might be because their father fostered the competition. It seems to have served them well because they are both quite successful. They are now in their mid thirties.

[@TheAaronJP]

It is a common fallacy to imagine that children of the same family are formed in the same environment. Of course there is much which is the same for all in the same home, but the psychic situation of each child is individual and differs from that of others, because of the order of their succession - Adler 1964.

[@PholosoATshabaesele]

I don't really talk to mine anymore, too much gas lighting and manipulation.

[@PholosoATshabaesele]

@@DG-ie5ip your right to some degree, but if it drains you mentally sometimes relating from a far is best, am 25 middle child with no kids, I do wish to spend more time with my nephew though. 🥲

[@samanthab1923]

Shame 😢

[@maccoretti51]

Same here. Shut the door, move onwards and upwards.

[@maccoretti51]

​@DG-ie5ip Easy to say, hard to do - especially when you were conditioned this way from birth...

[@samanthab1923]

@@KeithStew Was it always strained? Or did it become that way as adults.

[@CCP_yb]

I’ve known siblings where the older one literally tried to kill the younger one in early childhood (deliberately pushed her down the stairs when she was just a toddler, and told the parents she did it because she wanted to be an only child), and then others where they’re the best of friends, and then plenty others (like me and my older siblings) where we sit somewhere in-between; and I’ve known weird and selfish and miserable only-children, but then wonderful only-children. Whatever the studies find, they are at the end of the day only samples of society, not hard rules. I don’t think siblings really determine how people will be. It will always be a mix of influence from parents, socializing within society and peers, whatever their own nature is, and any big events that have an impact in-between. Patterns may happen in similar circumstances/influences, but that doesn’t mean it will happen that way every time. Individualism and pure luck are big things lol

[@mohammedsaysrashid3587]

It was a great documentary shared by an amazing ( DW) documentary channel. Thank you for sharing

[@DWDocumentary]

Thanks for watching and for the feedback!

[@fleurissime]

Does anyone know the name of this narrator? He’s done so many documentaries and his voice is so soothing!

[@mingfei1622]

My brother always avoids me, I tried asking why and he said “I don’t avoid you, what are talking about?” Which just left me confused and honestly I am tired of being the only one who puts an effort on our relationship

[@krystinaland4137]

That's called gaslighting. It may be a good idea to keep the distance. Once he feels you have something to offer him...only then will he'll come around you😮 hope I'm wrong tho

[@honeybunch5765]

I trust my siblings as far as I can spit, and I can hardly spit.

[@etaokha4164]

I cut ties with mine because he abused me when i was pregnant and i put restrictions on him. Both my kids are from different dads but i raise them equally and they love each other and 3 years apart . Parents play a urge part on how siblings get along. I grew up with a narcissistic mother and the name of the game was divide and favourism in my mothers eyes. I walked away when my younger brother abused me and ive gone no contact ever since with my sibling and whole family. Am a single mom playing both roles in my kids life.

[@SVTX.AP0L0_]

You have inherited narcissistic traits from your family, most probably... Unless you have worked on it will stay with you, being conscious of it or not. The fact that your kids come from different dads and that despite the age gap between them both are growing up with no father says a lot of the dynamics in your relationships... If they don't have a positive masculine figure to look up to, to learn how to conduct themselves in the world they are at risk of experiencing problems of self assertiveness and integration at some point in their life. Some women take pride on being single moms, multiple times, what they don't realize or accept is the unwise way in which they choose intimate partners one after another, (that actually applies for both sex's, being the mothers who keep the children most of the times).

[@hereigoagain5050]

Thanks DW! The spot on "Rescue Children" was fascinating. What are the ethical concerns? Genetic screening instead of randomization during fertilization? Destroying zygotes? Using stem cells? Growing a "donor child" to harvest organs for the older child? The latter would be a difficult ethical question: the first three not so much.

[@Gina-yo7te]

Hello DW, could you please upload the documentary 97% Owned? It explains very well and critisises the financial sector!

[@tarikmehmedika2754]

A quite signifficant portion influencing the sibling relationship in early life plays how parents encourage sibling relationship. Not making difference between them in treatment.

[@rahul28ish]

My elder brother by 5 years is very insensitive. In childhood he used to yell fight with me. He behaves with everyone insensitivly. With our parents, his wife now. I could never have relationship of love with him. I would have tried but he yells anytime without much reason.

[@lookaroundyou8108]

When you are the scapegoat of the family and been traumatized all your life by siblings and parents, it messes up with the your mental health and I reached a point of just thinking of ending it all.. siblings are not that of a great experience.. the mind games, physical and mental abuse that was done to me for years has gone unpunished because simply none of the parents gave a crap or couldnt be bothered, not only that, parents would ask me serve other siblings even if am the youngest, I would still make food and tea for the oldest and go get groceries.. it sucks.. they destroyed my life, future, mental health and any potential opportunity of a career.. now am left with depression and anxiety.. For any parents out there have mercy and observe your damn kid's behaviour with each other.. and dont be a fool when you see one sibling manipulating truths even to the parent to destroy the other sibling!!!...

[@bettykambetsis896]

I am 71 yrs old, born the youngest of four - two older brothers and an older sister. We were all very close growing up and I am very grateful to have had that life. Now in my older years I am closer than before to them - just like the researchers said happens. One funny story - my maiden name is Page. I can remember in second grade the teacher, Mrs. KIttrell, castigating me in class by saying "Just because you are a Page doesn't mean you can't learn arithmetic!" Apparently she had taught my older brothers and sister and was frustrated at having another Page who was poor at adding and subtracting! Her comment didn't bother me. I took it as another example of how we were all conneced. We were all born within 10 years. My mother said she planned our births that way so she never had more than one in diapers at a time.

[@santiagogonzalezbenjumea9880]

I have an older sibling, we used to almost hate each other when we were teens, but now that we are both in our 30's we are closer than ever.

[@GHAWBBA]

LIONS CUBS ALSO HAVE RIVALRIES WHICH ARE NATURAL & KINDA GOOD PRACTICE FOR GROWN LIFE

[@Simpaulme]

Sometimes it seems the most science can tell us is that what we thought we knew is wrong.

[@SVTX.AP0L0_]

Seeing on the comments how many people don't get along well with their siblings reminds me of the Caín and Abel's story, at the Genesis on the bible...📖 It illustrates pretty well the archetypal instinctive nature of relationships among human beings, brotherhood being a clear example of it, at many times. Overcoming differences and building mutual understanding between each other is the only way to coexist in a healthy way... But sometimes when lack of understanding and rivalry have gone too far for too long, being able to leave is the very last act of true love remaining, and acting on it a sign of wisdom and honor. I guess...

[@larsthorwald3338]

I thought we'd finally dismissed birth order theories as just more products of the psychologist's speculative pseudo-science. Apparently, it's harder than I thought for people to accept the obvious fact that human beings are individuals, and that the complexity of human interaction defies reduction to simplistic formulae whose only practical function is to sell books.

[@skeetrix5577]

my brother hates me and I'm not too particularly fond of him. and I'm fine with that

[@Simpaulme]

At least you're not indifferent 😉

[@ninjanerdstudent6937]

From the famous words of Vin Diesel, "I don't have friends, I got family."

[@mgithaiga1]

I have 3 siblings and I'm the 3rd born

[@enckidoofalling2883]

He stole my inheritance. I don’t even have indoor plumbing or power and I work he doesn’t. I hate his guts

[@monicaperez2843]

Please explore toxic sibling rivalry.

[@norahassan2372]

It's frustrating I have twin and her character completely different from mine It's just she don't talk to me I mean in a month we don't have just two words not too much to speak but I don't think this is healthy The older one and the little one just feels sometimes they manipulate me and stope from improving myself It's not always It's sometimes so it's confusing to me They all hurt me with words at least twice in thoer lives And I have a not stable mentally older brother he is the one I can't blame him for anything he says Also i find it difficult cause I'm a girl with 3 others in family so it's like we all demanding to behave the same and do the same and follow one path it's frustrating But I must say sometimes in order to survive in big family you gotta be selfish and not sensitive.

[@Nikki-ks6wi]

Is your two identical or fraternal?

[@norahassan2372]

@@Nikki-ks6wi fraternal

[@krystinaland4137]

But you sound very sensitive.

[@norahassan2372]

@@krystinaland4137 no I'm not that even my sisters say your heart so cold you don't care about anything .

[@DonReichSdeDios]

My younger brother and I have the same name, Don de Dios. Many people are Misinform Catastrophically in the Digital Wolrd

[@askittenlove13]

Only child here = 😢 & 😊 = 🤔

[@dbsk06]

Same and so grateful and proud hahah

[@ADUAquascaping]

You're the oldest and youngest! Lucky

[@Nikki-ks6wi]

It’s good if you marry someone with siblings or even just enjoy starting your own family

[@kokuz0512]

Patchwork families. Really. Well, welcome to America where 42% of families are “Patchwork”. Jeez

[@JonasFilberg]

Bruh

[@RedIria]

All I want to know is how many better qualified sibling researchers were omitted from this documentary because of their gender, so that you could fill the documentary with dramatic action shots of female researchers as you fed your woke bias and we lost out on hearing real answers

[@rir9418]

I have a younger brother, he is a piece of sh£t but I love him to bits and I would do anything to protect him and make sure he is okay. He struggles with mental health therefore I am now on caring duty indefinitely. It's difficult but no matter what he is my little brother.

[@SPS0501US]

something i'll never understand as i grew up being only child.

[@somerandomfella]

If they don't treat you like family, they're not your family..

[@Simpaulme]

But can we be clear what is 'like family', without idealising?

[@jubileepup6877]

I love my siblings

[@Nerinav1985]

We live in a world where everyone wants to be seen as a victim. Everyone wants sympathy and empathy from public. And what better way than to blame family members and elder siblings for all the " childhood Trauma" ❗ Blame game is so simple: just tell the public only your side of the story. And public loves another emotional melodrama. ( I am not referring to Prince Harry)

[@unknown51899]