How Do We Discipline Without Spanking?

How Do We Discipline Without Spanking?
Send John your questions. Leave a voicemail at 844-693-3291 or email www.johndelony.... We want to talk to YOU!
Learn how to change your thoughts, change your behaviors, and change your life. Subscribe to the Dr. John Delony’s show!
www.youtube.co...
As heard on this episode:
- BetterHelp - bit.ly/3seoBCe
- DreamCloud - dreamcloudslee...
- Churchill Mortgage - www.churchillm...
Get John’s new book, Own Your Past, Change Your Future here: bit.ly/3Lmf076
Want a plan for your money? Find out where to start: bit.ly/3cEP4n6
Twitter (@johndelony)
Instagram (@johndelony)
Facebook ( JohnDelony/).
The Dr. John Delony Show is a caller-driven show that offers real people a chance to be heard as they struggle with relationship issues and mental health challenges. John will give you practical advice on how to connect with people, how to take the next right step when you feel paralyzed, and how to cut through the depression and anxiety that can feel so overwhelming. You are not alone in this battle. You are worth being well-and it starts by focusing on what you can control. Let us know what’s going on by leaving a voicemail at 844.693.3291 or visiting johndelony.com/show. We want to talk to YOU!
These platforms contain content, including information provided by guests, that is intended for informational and entertainment purposes only. The content is not intended to replace or substitute for any professional medical, counseling, therapeutic, financial, legal, or other advice. The Lampo Group, LLC d/b/a Ramsey Solutions as well as its affiliates and subsidiaries (including their respective employees, agents and representatives) make no representations or warranties concerning the content and expressly disclaim any and all liability concerning the content including any treatment or action taken by any person following the information offered or provided within or through this show.
If you have specific concerns or a situation in which you require professional advice, you should consult with an appropriately trained and qualified professional expert and specialist. If you are having a health or mental health emergency, please call 9-1-1 immediately.
Watch and subscribe to all The Ramsey Network shows here: www.youtube.co...

[@ItsMikky]

I have been working so hard on not spanking anymore and having my husband follow in my footsteps. I have to say, it’s crazy how deep that anger runs when you grew up with parents that hit you. It’s almost an automatic response to do it to your kids and that is terrifying. So retraining your brain, having the self discipline to not react with hitting like your parents did, is hard. But damn, is it worth it. I feel absolutely disgusted with my past self for ever putting hands on my kids as a means to discipline them. Hands are for loving, not for hitting.

[@ameliemileva6459]

Yes be ashamed. You admitting to assault

[@MessagesFromAurora]

good job on recognizing you can and will do better. your kids will benefit for life ❤

[@scottcoder5060]

@@ameliemileva6459unhelpful and a ridiculous statement

[@360_tours]

​Do be so dramatic. Why is it that children that are never disciplined turn out horribly. John Delony is a kook. Hes written about 3 books and then goes on book tours and never sees his kids. He promotes weird vitamins and probably never uses them. He is always taking the woman's side. This guy was probably a huge player before getting married. I wouldn't let him 5 feet of my wife. Who says being fearful of being hit is a bad thing. I don't walk down dark alleys or approach weird people because Ive got experience.

[@73odus]

@@MessagesFromAuroraAfter reading all the responses to this comment, I must say...what a mature, understanding, compassionate, loving response. ❤️

[@benwhitnell]

This was a great question and a great call. I think the strongest argument against spanking kids is to look at an adult that can think of no other way to discipline than violence. That was imprinted on your brain at a very young age and has stuck with you forever. Good on these parents for recognizing that and working to make the change.

[@lizaw.7313]

Please don't call spanking violence...

[@benwhitnell]

@@lizaw.7313 if somebody hits another person what would you call it?

[@jims9205]

@@benwhitnell Violence is not always a bad thing.

[@benwhitnell]

@@jims9205 yes it is. Especially when we are talking about violence against children. On the rare occasion that you have been brought to a point where violence is your only recourse (when violence is being inflicted upon you and there are no other options but to respond in kind) it may be justified but that doesn’t make it any less bad.

[@jims9205]

@@benwhitnell We will have to agree to disagree. As a veteran and the son of a police officers I have seen violence save lives and free people. Violence is a tool, when diplomacy and sanction doesnt work. All kids are different some you can just talk to and shame other kids genuinely dont care about these type of measures. Every kid doesnt need spankings but some kids do. Parenting and discipline is not a one size fit all. I respect your view but I think its a one dimensional view. Great Covo though!

[@anthonystruck666]

I think John should have a seminar on this topic. I could use more info John. 😁✌️

[@emrose1717]

Yes!

[@pattyajones]

Natasha...YOU ARE A QUEEN and have my most HEARTFELT RESPECT, what an amazing plan. YOU and YOURS are in my prayers. But John's right, the child saying: Ok, no dessert for me then...is way too flipping funny - yet it also shows leadership qualities on his precious 7-year old part. Poor mom. LOL

[@bethanyroberts4744]

Future Queen of the prison visitation. Paging inmate prince to visitation.

[@xutr1]

@@bethanyroberts4744 why are cursing this mother and boy? Blessing and cursing ought not proceed from the same mouth.

[@bethanyroberts4744]

@@xutr1 I'm wasn't. I was pointing out what's going to happen due to this "mother" thinking that giving a little time out is going to teach her child anything.

[@xutr1]

@@bethanyroberts4744 again why are you putting a curse on someone simply because you do not agree with her? By saying that her son will end up in prison and she will be visiting her son on visitation in prison; is a curse that I’d encourage you to renounce.

[@bethanyroberts4744]

@@xutr1 I don't believe in witch craft.

[@quintinnunn1392]

I see kids that don't get spanked and I gotta tell you. You know instantly

[@confusedwhynot]

In what way??

[@confusedwhynot]

@@quintinnunn1392 Seriously! Spanking is unnecessary to get a desired outcome. Get to know your child and find a way to discipline without spanking or beating your child. Spanking says a lot about you as a parent and a person. Can you control your temper? Do you react quickly or seek answers to the situation. My husband spank our young daughter for crying in the middle of the night and waking him up. She has never forgotten it. She feels insecure around him in many ways. I could tell you horror stories about my husband being spanked/beat as a child. Are you the type of parent to spank/hit your child for hitting someone else?

[@jborrego2406]

Really kids that get spank just learn how to hide there miss deeds better. Also if u ask ppl in jail I bet majority of them were spanked lol

[@MessagesFromAurora]

true makes sense they will have no trust for the parent. making them more likely to lie/hide/keep secrets

[@laurenj432]

It always disgusts me how someone can look at somebody they *chose* to love, and inflict violence towards them. Whether it’s to their spouse, their child, their pet, etc. It’s just one of the saddest things in the world to me. At least an adult is capable of leaving the relationship, a child has zero choice but to stay.

[@zeal4god402]

Yep VERY DISGUSTING

[@deb9806]

There is a lot of mental illness out there, many kids are hit by alcoholics and other people fighting anger issues and stress and have issues that they haven't addressed. Having a kid doesn't change that. Many "parents" for lack of a better word are in the news for killing or hurting their children. That bond is not present for all at birth. I don't mean the parents who give their give a soft swat to get their attention, but parents who hit with belts, cords and whatever they can get and the child grows up to be angry and hurt and usually will hurt others. My heart hurts for the children who are never taught respect without pain.

[@paulastarkey9973]

Very well written.

[@Gentner2008]

It’s biblical so we will do it

[@AudraT]

Oh, please. Millions of children have been spanked and grew up to be perfectly functioning adults. You can't just pretend like those millions and millions of healthy functioning people don't exist.

[@ga6589]

Good advice from John and I commend this mother for being willing to forge another path. I think we should call "spanking" exactly what it is- hitting your child. (The "spare the rod" scripture some fall back on refers to guidance and direction, as in a shepherd's staff that directs the flock, not hitting.) IMO, if you resort to spanking, it's out of desperation and anger and your child knows that. "Parenting With Love and Logic" by Jim Fay is a great resource.

[@MostBoringNameEver]

Absolutely! I've spanked before and it's ALWAYS out of anger or frustration. And afterwards I feel like absolute crap. It's a dangerous path.

[@greghacker4555]

Right on

[@jdj2022]

@@MostBoringNameEverI have spanked my son and it’s never in anger. Some people do it too much in a non controlled manner. It should be used sparingly but I do believe there is a proper way to use each tool and spanking is one of them.

[@deb9806]

Many wont read the scripture correctly or understand shepherds didn't hit the sheep. They guided them. Teaching your children violence is teaching them violence.

[@meesh1002]

@@jdj2022my parents didn’t either. They created rules and boundaries with it… and it worked.

[@chocolatte8301]

I needed this, me and my husband are also trying to transition to gentle parenting

[@ameliemileva6459]

TRYING TO TRANSITION??? You know that assault is a crime right??

[@chocolatte8301]

@@ameliemileva6459 who said anything about assault?? Please tell me where in my comment I mentioned assault of any kind.

[@ameliemileva6459]

@@chocolatte8301 You said you needed this and that you "also try to transition" under a video about hitting kids. You said you hit your kids in the past. That's assault.

[@ameliemileva6459]

@@BattleMage52 So you are not only pro child assault, you also seem racist. You get prison for hitting a child in my country (Germany) as you would for hitting an adult. Crazy double standards you have there

[@SlaughteredLambMinistry]

So insightful John, I can’t even imagine a five minute hug or a goal to become closer, my ACEs score is high, I would like to hear more on that reconciliation

[@kaylaa2466]

We don’t spank our kids & they are wonderful boys. They listen, but they don’t flinch when we come near them. They have rules but they don’t fear us in that sense. I was spanked & as a 30 year old I still flinch at someone coming toward me & cover my ears if I drop or break something. We do not yell. We do not spank. Our boys are wonderful.

[@jessicaroberts5437]

Neither do we and my kids are great too. So caring, empathetic. It's totally unnecessary

[@kaylaa2466]

@@lovely1641 Actually I have ALL of the information. I was a psych major & dropped out to be an in home nurse for a family member. Studies show increased anxiety in children, increased impulsivity, a high likelihood to be in a domestic violence situation, SHRINKAGE of the brain in children who have been physically hit, lower cognitive ability, & 70% chance they will use or abuse drugs. Those are all facts.

[@kaylaa2466]

@@lovely1641 If you hit your kids, just say you do & call it a day, baby. Don’t come for my education or personal knowledge on the topic because I can assure you, I’m well equipped to enter this conversation.

[@kaylaa2466]

@@jessicaroberts5437 So happy for your family, Jessica. A home that doesn’t hit just feels different. Also at my son’s PTC, his teacher said “He’s never hit. He never even attempts to. Which is amazing. A lot of toddlers are impulsive like that, but not him”

[@kaylaa2466]

@@lovely1641 I was spanked. And again, the studies, the psychological evidence, the actual scans of brains say that it is detrimental to the wellbeing of children & who they turn out to be as adults. That’s just facts.

[@dbrown3929]

The distractions from John are the best part of the show! Whoever is telling you to stay focused needs to turn you loose.

[@litenmighty]

Where I live spanking is illegal because it is classified as child abuse - so for me this is kind of an insane discussion. Spanking is hitting so for me crystal clear, you don’t hit another human being and especially not a child

[@ashleysmashley444]

Where is this at?

[@ameliemileva6459]

​@@ashleysmashley444anywhere in the civilized world? Imagine doing that to another grown human. It would get you jail time. Now why would it be ok to do that to a child in your care?

[@MessagesFromAurora]

amazing advice. i especially loved the tailoring the consequence to the child, the hug thing 😂

[@phyllisdevonish859]

Parent’s Anonymous helped me break the Cycle of Violence

[@PartScavenger]

The only rule of parenting is that undesired behavior can't be worth it. "Worth it", behavior and the consequences all change but the rule doesn't. You need to be clear about the behavior and clear about what consequences. This goes for good behavior too. You acted "this way" and the consequences are "kid, I see that and I'm proud of you."

[@mightymouse9001]

“Draw a picture of how great mommy is” Yes mommy dearest. My goodness

[@terashaking4119]

I love the format of this show! Great ideas, Dr. Delony.

[@iPervy]

I'll say spanking is a tool, but is also a tool that doesn't need to used on every child. I know for me I definitely needed it at times having only brothers that fought CONSTANTLY everywhere we go whether at home, restaurant, church, literally we horseplay and fight incessantly. Often times we don't settle down unless something snaps us out of it no matter how much yelling or coddling is done. One of us will prod and instantly another play fight goes on. A quick spank or threat of spank in just the right serious tone fixes the issue so that all the brothers unanimously decides not to jab at another to erupt another. In a house with maybe more calm girls or boys spanking wont even be needed. Haha though having been spanked alot - even in school with the good'ol wooden paddle many a time I've grown to be one the calmest quiet guys you'll find now. Brothers on the other hand are far more outgoing and are all doing well in terms of character and occupations. Though its important to note that my parents spanked only when it was understandably necessary when we crossed the line to far or to long and we knew we deserved it (unless its a situation where we sabotoged each other haha). TLDR: Not ever child nor every family will need to use spanking. There may be times only once in a childs life that you'd need to as well in a life turning moment. Then there are some where its a regular tool to be used sparingly to when it is deserved.

[@kaylaa2466]

Spanking is never needed & is always linked to problems later down the road. Every child can be disciplined without hitting them, call it what it is. You are hitting your child. Your parents hit you, period. It’s terrible.

[@iPervy]

@@kaylaa2466 I've learned that those who speaks in absolutes like saying "never" or "always" are absolutely never actually right since they use absolutes in place of actual experience.

[@kaylaa2466]

@@iPervy spanking isn’t a tool. It’s abuse of the body in the mind. You were hit. Not disciplined. Or, you hit your kids. That’s gross. Whatever it is, dig into the research because it’s a HUGE problem.

[@kaylaa2466]

@@iPervy and I’ve learned those who hit their kids don’t care about who they turn out to be. They’re also quite stupid & ignorant because the literature screams not to hit your kids. lol there are literal books about it.

[@iPervy]

​@@kaylaa2466 :( Pretty mean to judge without knowing them or me. I was taught not to judge or assume they must do x bc they look some way.

[@zeal4god402]

IF MAMA YELLS, NO ICECREAM FOR MAMA 😆

[@TheSouthernLights]

Thank you for asking about how to handle the other younger child James!!!

[@erskinehawkins3419]

Mountain home Idaho!!!! I was born there :-)

[@jjcarver80]

I needed this. Thanks JOhn.

[@ameliemileva6459]

How crazy is this conversation?? It is literally illegal to hit your kid. I don't understand how this man makes such a stink about any other kind of violence against kids and is so chill about this

[@jims9205]

Spankings are a tool in the tool box of parenting. There are levels to discipline. Sometimes sanctions are needed but other times you may need to send in troops. If spankings are the only recourse thats an issue. All discipline and all actions must come from love.

[@bigad23]

Amen!!

[@bethanyroberts4744]

Yes. Exactly.

[@SarahR2D2]

Very balanced response

[@loveubye2288]

Spanking is never necessary in the tool box because there are so many other methods that are actually proven to work on behavior but also build better character and resilience, if none of those methods work then it is even more inappropriate to spank because those children need professional help, they could be autistic or have ADHD, hearing impaired, learning disability etc.. or be acting out due to chaos and trauma (ex. divorce, bullied at schoo etc). Even criminals in prison and prisoners of war don't get hit or spanked as punishment (in the US) but we do it to kids just for acting developmentally appropriate for their age, because they can't regulate or express their emotions properly (tantrums), because they are small and can't defend themselves.

[@SarahR2D2]

@@loveubye2288 🙄🙄🙄

[@spcvonhamm8857]

Any negative physical contact between a parent and a child is sickening to me. If you are hitting your own child in any way, you have lost control, and your child has no way to escape because they rely on you for everything in order to survive. The damage will be irreversible for both parent and child. Don’t use physical/verbal/psychological abuse on children

[@kaliki76]

Best thing I ever did as a young mother is decide not to spank while also not being permissive

[@ameliemileva6459]

Decide not to spank. Are you out of your mind? Spaking is assault. How do you have to decide not to assault someone. Criminal

[@Bambam12340]

It's not but ok

[@CoachCommerce]

Parents...Comment below with alternative ideas for discipline (besides spanking). Lets so how many different ideas we can get!

[@ameliemileva6459]

Maybe anything that does not make you a criminal? Wtf

[@yesorno1768]

Spanking is necessary. It reminds a defiant child that they are not in control. And that’s a wonderful thing to be reminded of. This is the reason so many children are cutting themselves. They are so big in their own heads, and that’s a very heavy burden to carry.

[@dariaharruff7025]

no its abuse its not right

[@yesorno1768]

It is abuse to not protect your children from their own self when you still have Authority over them. Spanking done correctly comes from a place on love, teaching, and protection, not anger and irritation.

[@kaylaa2466]

It’s abuse. This is not the reason they are cutting themselves. The reason is media. The reason is tiktok telling them they’re ugly & fat & unworthy. The reason is parents no longer wanting to connect & letting a phone raise them. Spanking is never necessary. A “defiant” child is simply a child crying out for attention so you just meet the need. Studies show bad behavior in children is linked to multiple factors “not feeling in control” ain’t one. Toddlers need to feel in control, yes. So you give them choices. You don’t put your hands on them. Ever

[@bronxmade352]

Did you really just say “ cutting themselves” ?

[@ameliemileva6459]

I bet this is trolling because you can not possibly advocate for assault

[@calebhayes7691]

I am deeply interested in the topic, and am not sure where I will end up on it... Growing up, spanking was the default punishment, and if the "crime" was severe enough, spanking AND grounding. But spanking was always involved... My current philosophy is that spanking is only acceptable as a form of discipline if my kids are engaging in something that would result in more harm. You can't play with the furnace because it could irreparably harm you. If you ignore my verbal instructions to stay away from the furnace, then you will get a small dose of temporary pain to teach you to avoid the permanent kind. I don't know if that is right or if it would be better to put in the effort and work to place barriers between them and all potential harm. I feel like if I shield them from all potential harm, they will be ill equipped to protect themselves when I'm gone, but I still don't like the idea of spanking. I just don't know what is the best balance...

[@lisamccall4960]

I remind my children (10, 12) that we are in relationship together... so when they lie, deceive, or act in a manner that is opposite to the expectation for our family... it causes little fractures in our relationship. We focus on maintaining a healthy relationship. Do we have spankings? Yes... but it is normally because my children thought what they did was so severe it warranted a spanking. I ask the question: "what do you feel an appropriate punishment would be?" And then we adjust from there and institute said punishment: writing lines (old school, I know), no electronics for X time, loss of social outing privileges, spanking, etc.

[@gabro4069]

but would they pick it?

[@jessicaroberts5437]

Kids don't need to be punished to learn. Look up gentle parenting

[@Sara-on3th]

You taught them they deserve to be hit.

[@ilovecokeslurpees]

​@jessicaroberts5437 comments like this are why we are such a terrible generation.

[@angelicadelashmette803]

Spanking for a 10 and 12 year old? I’m sorry that’s just flat out weird and bizarre

[@EmilyAnn634571]

On the 2-3 year old thing, I have a newly 3 year old and a 20 month old. If I sit on the 3 year old the 1 year old runs. What do you do with multiples and split attention? I’m really trying here, but I feel like I’m running out of options and the kids gonna have to fall in line he broke the skin on me and I have an obligation to protect the people he interacts with by civilizing him at least slightly.

[@ameliemileva6459]

1. Assault is a crime. If you assault a child you should go to jail. How can you even think about that? 2. If you did that your child mimics it

[@Bambam12340]

Your statement is stupid

[@liamlynch2115]

You feel awful after spanking. Parenting young kids is difficult. I learned I just cannot expect to relax. When I make that mistake I find myself getting more mad and explosive. I think time outs and taking away things they like the most (IPad) is probably all we can do, while telling them we love them and want them to enjoy themselves etc. Also, and it takes energy, redirecting their focus. Kids are fighting, direct their focus to a craft or a walk outside. I was a difficult child and the teenager that often found trouble. My dad’s superpower was not being a perfect parent, but simply sticking with it. He never gave up on me. It wasn’t pretty but I ended up a good man with a good career, great wife, three healthy children etc.

[@ameliemileva6459]

Boohoo YOU feel awful after spanking? You know that assaulting people is a crime right? Go to jail

[@meesh1002]

All kids are different . Spanking (with healthy rules and boundaries) works for some but not all.

[@ameliemileva6459]

Yeah killing also sometimes solves your problems. Are you fucking crazy? Assault is a crime. Get a grip

[@lyndalamb3221]

When our toddler would touch an electric cord, I would pick her up and move her away. My husband popped her hand one time and she never touched a cord again. Spanking young children when they disobey in a way that is dangerous teaches them that that behavior results in physical pain(that is much less than the physical pain that could be caused by the behavior.

[@KaylaA725]

Show me research on that then.

[@dougprentice1363]

As a kid, I was jealous of my friends that got spanked. I got talked to, then set in corner. I would have rather been spanked.

[@priusa8113]

Why ???????

[@collinrosendall8369]

Doug, I’m gonna tell you right now, you really don’t mean that. Trust me.

[@geneedavis3911]

You sound like our son did! Lol we'd have discussions, talk about why x,y,z happened......he'd want to get whatever punishment over with ASAP and said, "I think I'd rather you take up spanking!" LOL Fast forward, in boot camp one of his instructors asked him how we got him to listen and do what we wanted......he told him this story! Lol Moral of the story: he honestly wasn't the type of child that needed corporal punishment. He knew the consequences of his choices. When he was older, we actually told him you knew if you made this choice, this consequence would happen. He actually would say a couple of times....yeah, I know, but its worth it.

[@kaylaa2466]

Yeah, no you don’t. It’s a terrible feeling. You shouldn’t have been set in the corner as isolation also has its impact on a child’s brain & life down the road but some of us were spanked & are paying for it now

[@sarayoung9395]

I would sit in the corner all day if it meant not being spanked. It was horrible.

[@BlackMan12331]

Dawctor jawn deelawny

[@zeal4god402]

😆 🤣

[@funicon3689]

"black love"

[@Old_Toby]

And if the child doesn't follow the rules and the consequences have no effect. What do you do? Not advocating spanking. It's a lagit qustion. Anyone have an answer. I see alot of kids where this strategy doesn't work.

[@deb9806]

I knew kids hit with a belt over and over and obviously never worked. They hated it but it meant nothing but my parents are bullies and I'll avoid it when I could. The reason is lost on them.

[@Old_Toby]

@deb9806 I understand what you are saying. That doesn't answer the question I was asking. How do you discipline a kid without spanking when grounding and taking privileges away doesn't work?

[@deb9806]

@@Old_Toby I think that is when you get help because all kids don’t like privileges taken away or other things and if hitting them is the only way they will listen, there is just something wrong with that. I also pretended as a kid that I didn’t care if my mom said, I couldn’t go somewhere because I didn’t wanna give her the satisfaction, but that doesn’t mean it did bother me. I have never seen a kid hit as I said growing up that wasn’t hit more than once, and if hitting worked, It wouldn’t happen as often as it does in some families, whether it’s a swat or repeatedly hitting, which reminds me of how people treated slaves and criminals in the past. I’ve hit hands when they were going toward an outlet and they kept doing it because they didn’t understand and they knew because it was so infrequent that this was something big and maybe there was something else I could’ve done at the time but I was frightened. Little kids don’t understand why you were frightened My son was very hyper active and I used to almost feed him on the run, sometimes at 18 months, but the first time I raised my voice, he was about the same age and he jumped, and I realized I hadn’t done it before, and his reaction startled me. It also frightened him. Luckily, I didn’t have to do it too often and being Italian that was hard, but less is best with most things. I learned from my great pediatrician that certain ages can’t comprehend most punishments, or words and cause-and-effect, and as they grew, they did.

[@Old_Toby]

@@deb9806 Interesting.

[@anthill1510]

@@veemon9280 You should be within reach when you are out and about with a toddler. You can just hold their arm when they are trying to run into traffic. They also can`t run very fast. If your child still doesn`t stop when you call out to not run into the street when they are older they either have a serious neurological illness or you are a terrible parent because your children don`t even trust you to protect their life.

[@ZacharyandMeghanEntz]

”Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.“ ‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭13‬:‭24‬ ‭ESV‬‬…..I do look for other avenues when possible but the human heart is deceitful above all things and I don’t want my child to let his/her heart to cut their life short. ”Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you strike him with a rod, he will not die.“ ‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭23‬:‭13‬

[@calleythompson2781]

The words translated as rod are shepherds' tools used to guide, block, and prod (not beat or hit) sheep. The Bible does not endorse or even condone child abuse like spanking, belting, or switching. All hitting children does is teach them that authority is maintained through violence instead of love, trust, and respect. It reduces a child's faith in their parents and was a major reason I lost faith in God for a long time. It also taught me that the way to lead and control my younger siblings and schoolmates was to hit them, and who knows what damage I (and ultimately my parents) caused with that. The temporary benefits of control (through terror and/or pain) is never worth the long term damage you do when you abuse a child in the name of God. True parental discipline is not violent, it is guiding, blocking, and prodding. If you haven't found the avenue that works the way you want, keep looking, but just about anything is better than assaulting a child.

[@user-rg7ds1bi3t]

I’ve heard the rod is more of a guide like the rod used to steal pigs not like for hitting

[@ZacharyandMeghanEntz]

@@user-rg7ds1bi3t Whoever told you that didn’t read the passage or completely blacked out the portion they didn’t like. It literally says “if you strike him with the rod he will not die”. It sounds a little harsh, it’s basically saying, a spanking won’t kill the kid, but an undisciplined life will. Some kids could probably be okay without a spanking, theoretically, but others are so rebellious they really do need something to counteract their rebellion.

[@jerevandewalle220]

There’s a big problem with parents hitting their kids out of anger towards them. That is not ok. But spanking as a punishment with explaining why they are being spanked and giving them closer has the affect of teaching the child that what they did was wrong but now the relationship can be healed. If you ground your kid or take something away from them or do something long term the relationship can’t be built back up until after the punishment is over. A spanking is quick and then you can rebuild the relationship after.

[@lori2182]

Y’all totally discount what God says.

[@loveubye2288]

John i think you are not an expert on this topic and there are many other methods you do not discuss, pls have an expert on respectful parenting or behaviorist on your show, hand the microphone to an expert on this topic, it is so needed! You could do a whole 1hr segment on this topic there is so much to learn !

[@kaylaa2466]

Just say you hit your kids & call it a day. Gross. Don’t try to slam DR. JOHN. He’s studied this. As I have. I can assure you the studies say it’s a trash method of discipline. Common in low income families. Studies also show low income families have the highest arrest rate. So HUH. Let’s do the math

[@bethanyroberts4744]

You can't.

[@Cheerleader644860]

igot discviplined withoiut it mostly

[@charles17508]

That lady sounds evil you wonder why hes leaving 🤔 lol

[@jonathanblount6437]

Sawft

[@Cheerleader644860]

that doesnt make a parent or child soft and what abt the female children minus the bad ones ur saying i should b soft bcz im a femalde

[@2023Red]

I bet Natasha or her estranged husband is in the Air Force nearby. Lots of pressure with the world events these days. Lots of opportunity for family disuptions. I think there is nothing wrong with spanking as a tool to behavior modification. Sort of increasing pain for recurring bad behavior where the first is a time out, the second is loss of privilege, and the third is paddling with a ping pong paddle starting with one spank and increasing as bad behaviors recur. In essense, one gets what one deserves. I am NOT of the opinion we must not hurt his precious self esteem.

[@bethanyroberts4744]

10th comment

[@JoeL-mk5ty]

Spanking is not about bigger muscles, it’s about showing that a path of defiance will lead to a lifetime of pain. Pain is a good reminder of something you shouldn’t do. No wonder kids are so soft today, we have made out that spanking is “hitting” your kid. That’s a downright gross misinterpretation of what’s happening if it’s done responsibly.

[@kaylaa2466]

That’s exactly what it is. Hahah it is hitting a human being & expecting them to turn out okay. Expecting them not to hit. Kids are a mess for MANY other factors that have been studied.

[@vkatelyn09]

You don't need to hit your kid to teach them that lesson. You're just teaching them that it's ok for people close to them to physically violated them. You're teaching them that hitting someone else is an effective way to get what you want. The only thing spanking teaches you is that your parents will hit you when you don't do what they want. It's a low effort low IQ way to parent.

[@deb9806]

I didn't hit my kids or my siblings and they are fine respectful adults. I don't understand how hitting makes a kid good. It teaches them to hit others for sure. My son never understood bullies until we met the parents. Many times their lives at home is not good.

[@angryox3102]

@@deb9806I honestly think some people just enjoy hitting children, they seem obsessed with it.

[@jordo613]

That’s precisely what it is.

[@furryplantsandcoins9070]

Unrealistic for a single parent. Yes when you have 2 children and 1 acts up .. unfortunately it was unfair I had to "punish" both of them because of actions of one. Especially low income so didn't have the money for a babysitter for a ADHD child.

[@pattyajones]

Um...NO. It's not your kid's fault you didn't use birth control or abstain. It's not their fault you are low income. YOU CHOSE to get pregnant. it's YOUR responsibility to make sure those innocent babies feel safe, loved, and grow. You are NOT the victim here....those kids are.

[@bethanyroberts4744]

@@pattyajones 😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣

[@Cheerleader644860]

@anonymoususer887 ikr she just said she hit both for 1s actions????

[@Cheerleader644860]

@@pattyajones i know most of wat u sed is true but that first statement tho. correct me if wrong but im assuming u meant this she got pregnant b4 marrying and she didnt use protection. heres my correction for this but just my truth f the matter no need 2 go off she probably WAS married at first and had a husband and he died we don't know this 2b true and u just assumed she failed at taking care of her body. the thing abt single parents thers always gonna be some IF EVERYONE DOES TRHEIR BODY RIGHT AND DONT GIVE STRANGERS TRHE RIGHT TO THEIR MOST VAUABLE POSSESSION THEIR PURITY. because you have men who come from wars healthy down to dead as a doornail and their families are struck with the pandemic of not having a father around but youre correct for the majority of ur statement just you assumed she wasnt married if its not ehat yo meant then you canc orrect me.

[@funicon3689]

you abused your mentally disabled child htfh

[@paulkersey7458]

Sooo, mom is getting divorced and will now parent through guilt.