I Resent Being a Stepmom (This Isn’t What I Signed Up For!)

I Resent Being a Stepmom (This Isn’t What I Signed Up For!)
Send John your questions. Leave a voicemail at 844-693-3291 or email www.johndelony.com/show. We want to talk to YOU!
As heard on this episode:
- BetterHelp - bit.ly/3seoBCe
- DreamCloud - dreamcloudsleep.com/delony
Get John’s new book, Own Your Past, Change Your Future here: bit.ly/3Lmf076
Get a money plan for real life! Start your free trial of Ramsey+: bit.ly/2JcSe6H
Learn how to change your thoughts, change your behaviors, and change your life. Subscribe to the Dr. John Delony’s show!
kzbin.info?...
Twitter (@johndelony)
Instagram (@johndelony)
Facebook ( JohnDelony/).
These platforms contain content, including information provided by guests, that is intended for informational and entertainment purposes only. The content is not intended to replace or substitute for any professional medical, counseling, therapeutic, financial, legal, or other advice. The Lampo Group, LLC d/b/a Ramsey Solutions as well as its affiliates and subsidiaries (including their respective employees, agents and representatives) make no representations or warranties concerning the content and expressly disclaim any and all liability concerning the content including any treatment or action taken by any person following the information offered or provided within or through this show.
If you have specific concerns or a situation in which you require professional advice, you should consult with an appropriately trained and qualified professional expert and specialist. If you are having a health or mental health emergency, please call 9-1-1 immediately.
Ramsey Network (Subscribe Now!)
• The Ramsey Show (Highlights):
kzbin.info...
• The Ramsey Show (Full Episodes): kzbin.info...
• The Dr. John Delony Show: kzbin.info?...
• The Rachel Cruze Show: kzbin.info...
• The Ken Coleman Show: kzbin.info...
• EntreLeadership: kzbin.info...

[@getzT]

John is not listening to what this young lady is saying instead he is minimising her problem trying to sell to her how her life can be if she accept this situation. But to be honest a 24 year old with no kids experience expected 2 months after her marriage to raise a 10 year and another kid full time it's a lot.

[@la_baby_khalil7703]

👍😉 YOU ARE SO RIGHT, IT's NOT FUNNY 😔...GOD FORBID SHE LOSES IT ONE DAY, AND THE UNEXPECTED HAPPENS...SHE NEEDS TO GET OUT PERIODT 🏃 🏃 🏃HER HEALTH, and SANITY BEFORE ANYONE'S STUPID FEELINGS...SHE's MISSING HER FREEDOM...SCREW THAT, SHE NEEDS HER LIFE BACK, and IT's OKAY, WHY NOT👏🙌👍👌💪LIFE/FREEDOM IS BEAUTIFUL WHEN YOUR SINGLE WITH NO KIDS 😉...🙏😇🙏

[@ea7109]

So true!!!! Jumping into motherhood without really ever WANTING to be a mother in the first place. This is INCREDIBLY UNFAIR to her. Seems like everyone is somewhat checked out and she's left holding the bag. I feel so sorry for her. She feels trapped. 😔

[@pearlosibu]

Sometimes he’s dismissive and overbearing with the advice.

[@l-train7876]

What do you want him to say? He asked her if she’s done with the marriage, she says no. So that means she has to figure out how to make this work. You want him to spend more time on the cal feeling sorry for her? How is that helpful?

[@l-train7876]

@@ea7109 calling this unfair is inaccurate. She was fully aware that he had 2 kids. She very naively miscalculated what she committed herself to, and now she’s dealing with the consequences.

[@DivinePearl]

That man played her. He wanted a nanny.

[@GoKU-xx2vg]

Link?

[@DivinePearl]

@@GoKU-xx2vg Kakarot?

[@vsand9798]

I don’t think so. She’s a grown woman. She has agency. She should have thought about this scenario

[@DivinePearl]

@@vsand9798 Yeah she's an adult which can consent. But her spouse is much older than her, has two kids, and basically checked out shortly after they moved in with them. And presumably they moved in because mom was on drugs. That man knew the mom was using. He knew those kids would be placed in his custody so he decided to check out when he couldn't take responsibility and left his kids on a 24 year old. That man used her. He got what he wanted and then checked out. He knew mom was a drug addict. To pretend he didn't is niave. Those kids aren't hers, nor her responsibility. So she can leave that adult manchild to care for his own kids and she can live on her own and gain some more adult experience.

[@fehyndana7725]

@@vsand9798unfortunately most young women aren't aware of typical make behavior and strategy when it comes to raising children. Men with kids always get remarried quickly to have a free live in nanny, they are not like single mothers who do it all by themselves

[@amydecker6207]

Why is Dani responsible for taking rhe children to their appointments, achool, etc? They aren't her children. Their DAD should be doing this.

[@FilthyMcNasty69]

Men shouldn't help single moms with anything

[@SweetEssie]

​@@FilthyMcNasty69Who's the single mom? She's married. Did you listen to the call?

[@FilthyMcNasty69]

@SweetEssie she's saying the woman shouldn't do anything to help because they're not her kids. Yet when a man is dating a single mom he's expected to step up and act like they're his lmao nah, we ain't messing with yall single moms anymore.

[@SweetEssie]

@@FilthyMcNasty69 What does that have to do with this call, Filthy? Are you saying she should leave him?

[@chefjamesmacinnis]

i think you missed the part where she said there are married.

[@solojrc]

As a stepfather living a nightmare for the last 10 years. Please run away and don't look back!!! You have so much to lose and very, very little to gain. Divorce him now before you have kids because if you have kids with your husband, it will be 100 times harder to leave, and your kid doesn't deserve that.

[@kellyhou9594]

I think you are so right! Most likely, they would choose to not have any more kids… taking care if 2 is already plenty. I know many people do that and in the end, step children choose their biological mothers in the end and not the step mother. It is the hard truth.

[@B.johnson36]

Going through the situation now with eleven year old stepdaughter and one child with my wife, it's very difficult

[@MoonCrow35]

Agreed. Run .

[@bassist230]

Why is nobody talking about the responsibility of her husband in this? He should have made sure he was marrying a woman who was willing to 100% accept his kids. He should have had those conversations with her to make sure they were on the same page. I guess my point is the root of this seems to be a major communication problem between the two of them.

[@intuitivehousewifery]

Why is nobody talking about the husband's responsibility? Misogyny. Anything to do with children and people reflexively heap superhuman expectations on the nearest female.

[@sugardaddy9992001]

If thats not obvious i dont know what is. What brings 2 people together in matrimony is wayyyyyyyyy beyond me especially without clear upfront communication!

[@dancechica]

Yeah and it sounds like he has dumped all the childcare responsibilities on her. No wonder she's resentful

[@tylertyler6418]

Because she knew darn well when she married him that he had two kids. And I’m sure he made that clear. It’s not his job to get inside her head and make sure she’s all on board. It’s her job to make sure she’s ok with it and then relay that to him. When she married him, she accepted the title of stepmom right there. Now the responsibility is here. It’s time to get to work and yes your life just changed but she indeed signed up for this when she married him, and that’s what Deloney pretty much said too!

[@mindingmybusiness6309]

That is true

[@salvatorecampbell698]

She's 24, rushed into a relationship headfirst without thinking it through and now got basically called on it by life, she doesnt sound like a bad person, she just made a bad choice committing so early without knowing herself or thinking the situation through

[@antoinelyons5323]

That true

[@ellie448]

I agree

[@troyspears6470]

True but kids werent apart of the equation when she got married, the kids lived 1000 miles away and the dad had no custody

[@genxx2724]

@@troyspears6470 He knew the mom was an addict and custody proceedings were under way.

[@Globewanderer000]

@@troyspears6470 the kids were ALWAYS part of the equation and will be until he dies. Her, on the other hand, sounds like a temporary problem.

[@continuousself-improvement1879]

HE KNEW. The husband knew that he will eventually have to take full custody of his kids, because his ex's spouse already died from overdose. He knew that his ex was also using and it's gonna get worse with little likelihood of getting better. He knew and that was why he wanted someone young and childless and painted her a picture of how the kids will be with their mother. He knew that he will dump the childrearing responsibilities on her while he deals with his PTSD. HE KNEW. This girl did not think through the consequences of her choice. She was an adult when she made that decision, and now she regrets it. Those are still her husband's kids, not hers! He should step up to be primary caregiver and if he isn't, she should walk away ASAP.

[@LSSYLondon]

Yup I agree. He manipulated her so he wouldn't have to be responsible.

[@Whimsey6]

This comment should be higher up.

[@StarMoonGaze8724]

Exactly! It was a methodical plan on the husband's behalf. These older men love to prey on younger women. Also, he should've had his PTSD in check BEFORE DATING.

[@whatliesbeneaththeweave3518]

I AGREE 100%. He knew he would eventually have to take on full custody. He quickly married this childless woman, so he’d have a live-in nanny!

[@DodgaOfficial]

​@@StarMoonGaze8724while I agree with everything else everyone is saying, he's like 6 years older than her, not exactly an "older man."

[@jenniferadams3215]

Don’t marry someone with kids if you don’t want or can’t accept them. It’s a package deal!!

[@sabias3932]

The 31 year old husband had no business marrying a 24 year old who didn’t want kids when he had 2. He thought he could have his fun wife while his ex raised his kids and now he has saddled the fun wife with his kids. Either way he wins. It’s disgusting.

[@blantz14]

Exactly. Did she really think the kids would not interfere in her life? Smh

[@CyeOutsider]

​@@blantz14Husband isn't blameless though. Pursues a 24 year old who doesn't want kids then dumps kids on her?

[@BirdDogey1]

Amen

[@Riona146]

@@sabias3932what? It sounds like this wife failed to communicate properly that she had ZERO interest in being a parental figure and essentially wanted to be an emotional deadbeat in these children’s lives. SHE should stay far away from anyone with children for the sake of the children. How fucking selfish is she that she’s not excited to watch any child grow and develop in something they like? How selfish can you be to complain about having to be there for children YOU agreed to be a stepparent to? Regardless of her delusional ideas of children, all parental figures plays a role and they don’t get to choose what they should or shouldn’t do. There are good role models and bad role models. She shouldn’t even be in a child’s perception as a possible outcome for a human 🙄🙄

[@JessiDawnShelton]

Don't judge until you've lived it. Just because she thought she could handle it, doesn't mean it's not overwhelming now. She's reaching out for guidance not hateful people saying she's awful because reality was different than what you expected.

[@VonSolo5]

Yes. It's great that she is aware this soon in the marriage, that she is in over her head, and is actively seeking help. Shows maturity. I think people are angry that it's only been six months and she is already looking to possibly divorce. People show more commitment to pets and I think people get frustrated with people who don't take marriage vows seriously because it really affects society as a whole.

[@sarannak]

Thank you!!! I resonate with this so deeply. People are so quick to jump into a place of judgement as if this is not a huge life change that she has to process and function in unexpectedly and on the fly.

[@V-AmpD]

Yeap. Same happened to me. Now if the guys kids are not grown, I just can’t.

[@AM-mw2wu]

People calling her selfish, saying she should stick with it, not get divorced and criticising her for not understanding what being a parent is like, should be ashamed of themselves! These are NOT her kids and she owes them nothing! These kids have parents who need to step up! What is the father doing?! This girl is unhappy and I don't blame her. She may have thought she'd be happy, only see the kids occasionally but now she finds herself parenting kids that aren't hers. If she's unhappy she should leave. She doesn't deserve to be treated this way. And the people crying What about the kids? Oh those poor kids! This girl is NOT their mother! The kids have a mother who is a mess. That's not the step mothers problem. It's the father's! I repeat! The kids have two living parents who must step up and parent their kids. This girl owes them nothing including the kids. They are NOT her kids! People are outraged and seem to forget the kids have bio parents! Where are they and why aren't they looking after their own kids? Shame on THEM for expecting this poor girl to parent their kids. And people saying she shouldn't deserve, she exchanged vows so blah blah! She CAN and should divorce! I repeat! These are NOT her kids and she owes them nothing! She doesn't deserve to be so unhappy. I hope she's left this marriage. If not, she should. The parents are around so need to step up. Drug problems or not! They ARE the bio parents of these kids and their child rearing responsibility is theirs! End of story!

[@la_baby_khalil7703]

🙏😇🙏 I've been listening to: Alecia Renece The Artist...I 👀 look@LIFE DIFFERENT, NOT DIFFICULT withOUT apologizing...I'd 🏃 🏃 🏃 like Forest Gump so quick. Sorry, Vet or NO Vet...I'd punch-out/clock-out big ⏰ time. A PIECE OF MIND, IS BETTER THAN A PIECE OF ASS - Mr. David White...SHE MUST PROTECT HER SANITY@ALL COSTS POOR YOUNG WOMAN SHE SOUNDS HEARTBROKEN 😔. SHE LITERALLY HAS 3 KIDS, SADly. GET A DIVORCE STAT...ASAP...IT's NOT FOR HER, SHE WANTS THE BOYFRIEND LIFESTYLE, and IT's OKAY...TOO MUCH HEADACHE...LEAVE, and DON'T LOOK BACK...BE SELF-FULL LIKE IYANLA VANZANT SAYS, and HER CUP RUNNETH OVER W/THESE KIDS, and PROBABLY USELESS HUSBAND...SORRY, NOT SORRY...BE DONE...✔ CHECK-OUT...GOD BLESS HER...PEACE!!! 🙏😇🙏

[@mirabella2154]

I can't help but feel incredibly sorry for these kids. Biological parents divorced, so their father is not available all the time. Stepdad overdosed. Mum got addicted and is not able to take care of them. And new stepmom resents them. Life is unfair.

[@drama-addictic6462]

Some parents out there would have kids just for any govt available and dump the kids. Trust me there are parents like that.

[@mirabella2154]

@@michaelpalumbo4880 It became the woman's "problem" the minute she decided to marry a man who has children. Our decisions have consequences. It would probably be the best decision to severe ties, but the damage is done. Now she will be another adult who abandoned them. Everyone failed these children and they will have to deal with grave abandonment issues their whole lives. Unfortunately.

[@bradleymaravalli2851]

@@canecorsomom2023 I agree with you. And I'd take it a step further... God is giving Danny the opportunity to do something wonderful in her life. To accept the responsibility of being a wife and a mother figure. Will she run away from it, half-heartedly take it on, or truly embrace it & have fun with it!

[@chukuemekaoje1015]

@@michaelpalumbo4880 Nope. She didn't sign up for part-time parenthood (like she thought). When you date or marry someone with kids, you have to be willing to love them like their own and be willing to take care of the kids... full time even... like their own. You just have to accept that as a possibility... or it won't work and EVERYONE will suffer (especially the children, who will know that their stepmom doesn't enjoy raising them). If you don't want the possibility of becoming a full time parent, why on earth would you marry a person with kids? You have to be REALLY naive to think like this. As a lot of people are saying, at best she's naive. At worst, she's selfish. I think she's naive, didn't fully understand what marrying a single dad would entail, and is now feeling trapped. Agreed that her best option is to get out now because she'll never love the kids enough to be a good parent to them.

[@andrew8168]

Divorce was never supposed to exist. You stand in front of your friends, family, pastor, and GOD and take an unbreakable oath and pledge your life to the other person. These divroced people are oathbreakers...

[@Dr_Nutrition]

Run, don’t let men gaslight you into a life you do not want!!! You only have 1 life, these are not your bio kids & it’s not what you want!!

[@RHathemoment]

Well. said.

[@blantz14]

She can blame herself. Did she really think the kids would never affect her life. He made the mistake of marrying her.

[@OzWiingsLLC]

​@@blantz14she made the mistake of marrying him. He has baggage she dosent. 😂😂 she will win eaither way

[@blantz14]

@@OzWiingsLLC icould care less if they stay together, but don't blame him for having kids which she knew BEFORE she got married. The kids win if she leaves because they deserve someone in their life who actually cares about them.

[@OzWiingsLLC]

@@blantz14 Actually the kids lose...like they currently are. Did she know the kids were going to live with him full time? Idiots with kids think people without kids want to jump into their cespool of baggage asap. Thats why they babystep them into your life by trying to make it seem like the kids wont dampen things "Oh dont worry. I just have them on the weekend" "Oh dont worry I can afford them on my own" lies.... Thats why single parents should date eachother you're since used to disappointment 😆

[@shanandananscoo]

She was married for TWO months, John. And this man clearly knew there was a good chance his kids would have to live with him instead of the druggie mom, and despite the new woman not wanting to have kids, he trapped her.

[@sunshinemoon7075]

A lot of men do this , especially divorced men sharing 50/50, marry someone to parent their kid (s).

[@greent16]

He was so biased and ridiculous. It’s just 2 months and she’s 24. She can find a single guy and live her life

[@farmhouseonthemountain]

I mean, when I didn't want children, I declined going out with dads. If you don't want kids, don't even date people with kids.

[@theurbanfarmlife7311]

How did he trap her ? He had kids , no way should would not be involved in the childrens life. Ridiculous, I know that I don't want to have any more children and I meet men all the time who want to have more children or have very young children. I know that if I marry somebody that has a child I am going to become their self parent and I will have more children. The best thing to do is to not get with someone who has children or eventually may want children to try to trick them into being with you. I let men know right away I do not want any more children and my child is grown if their children are not my child's age I don't even date him.

[@blantz14]

Don't marry a guy with kids if you dont want kids. Smh

[@girlonlaptop]

Now you are a Nanny working for free. Congratulations!

[@JakeStewart1343]

*Paying to be a nanny

[@justapettymess]

She needs to run now.

[@elainenilsson5472]

@@JakeStewart1343 she is paying

[@MH-et4bo]

Such an adventure!

[@alisonklein105]

My question is how much has her husband dumped on her? She went from care free newlywed to here are 2 traumatized kids and oh you will be responsible for them 75% because their parents are trash. Husband should be doing 75% and she helps for 25%. They are his!

[@AB-jl1un]

That's why fathers get remarried, to have the second wife raise their kids for them.

[@RoZaly-lm8ge]

SHE SIGNED UP FOR THIS!! She knew he had kids. PERIOD. That was a stupid thing for her to have done, to have married someone with kids, when she didn't want to be a mom/stepmom. That happened to my granddaughter and it sucks for her because of the stupid decisions of her now stepmom who resents her. Don't even get me started on her idiot father. He married someone who knew didn't want to be a mom; then he did everything in his power to get the daughter and mom to allow the daughter to live with them. It's been a traumatic year.

[@DivinePearl]

@@RoZaly-lm8ge what a toxic response "she signed up for this." No mam/sir, she didn't sign up to take care of his kids, they have two parents. It's the kids' parents responsibility. Periodt

[@chefjamesmacinnis]

if you marry someone with kids you have to be prepared for the chance that they could be dropped off at your door steep at any time. If you can not accept that. you have no business marring someone with kids.

[@DivinePearl]

@@chefjamesmacinnis more like you should not marry someone who refuses to care for their own kids.

[@anjejg777]

She misses her peace...her downtime. She resents the fact that their "mother" whom she probably doesn't care much for, decided to do what she wanted to do when she wants to do it "drugs & get hooked" then abandon her responsibilities as their mother and now that hubby's new responsible wife is there, it gets put on her plate. She resents it...that's the truth of it.

[@tessajones9393]

Yeah, but I am not surprised. It sounds like their mother did everything before if this woman and the guy could have so many adventures together. What kind of a parent was he?

[@laurajomcnaughton853]

She's not very responsible is she?? She married a man with kids not thinking of anything happening in the future that could cause the kids to live with them. She would of known his ex was a drug addict and who in their right mind would let kids live with drug addicts. Sorry she has a cheek to complain. She should of used her brain cells. Now she's crying cos her useless part time dad husband needs to man up and take care of his kids

[@greeneyedmonster7806]

A couple of my friend's from high school both married guys with a kid from a prior relationship. Both were an ugly situation where the kids got hurt the most.

[@jessicushlarush]

Yup

[@oterawatson8128]

As she should!

[@skartimusprime4779]

How is he asking what she's missing out on? Time to herself, period. She's gone from having a life to having a job at home that she didn't apply for. Having kids should be a huge decision, not something you just got dumped on you. She's young as hell for that situation.

[@shanandananscoo]

I agree that was a lame question

[@fehyndana7725]

Completely agree. The host is acting as if those are her kids! They are not, she has no parental rights and no responsibility. She made a mistake, that was marrying an older men with children and a deadbeat ex. But she shouldn't have to pay her whole life for this one mistake!

[@SweetEssie]

But she did apply for it

[@noorzanayasmin7806]

24 is too young to take care of 2 children? My mom had about 8 kids by that age. It is very normal for 24 to have 2 or more kids. What is the fetish of American people to keep adult people like teenager? 24-25 is the prime time to have baby or kids. Your life doesnt stop once you have kids. Your advanture changes around the kids. Oh no, I cant do personal things because I have to do take care of two kids, what could be worse.

[@noorzanayasmin7806]

@@fehyndana7725 You are talking like her life is ending. Having kids doesnt mean your life ends. Chill. They are just kids, not atomic bomb. You are acting like she is going to a prison

[@Tristum1970]

Bio mom and step mom here. I agree with John - she’s done. And the kids are better off not having a resentful maternal figure. Just go.

[@susiex9547]

Agreed. She married a man with two kids. Anything could have happened to the other parent and did. The children are his first priority, they are minors. She's just mad she isnt his first priority anymore. When you marry someone with kids, you will never be first priority. And thats the way it should be.

[@husher5142]

@@susiex9547 say it again, i think people need to hear it again. I cant believe how naive people are when they marry

[@susiex9547]

@@husher5142 For real. I would never get involved with a man with young children, if I didnt like children or want to be a step parent. Anything can happen to the other parent and then where would the kids live? This woman's expectations are just ridiculous and reek of self absorption.

[@elainenilsson5472]

@@susiex9547 If his children ie; family was his first priority, why did he divorce that family?

[@elainenilsson5472]

Bio mom should be raising her own kids. Or He can raise the kids. Hire a nanny. Don't marry a nanny.

[@catspajamas2961]

People don't go straight from middle or working class, competent mom to incapacitated opioid addict with an overdosed deceased spouse. I bet this husband knew his soon-to-be ex was a disaster waiting to happen and it's probably why they divorced. I also bet it's the real reason why he moved a thousand miles away. He wanted to get away both from his ex and from anyone who knew his ex so he could find someone willing to marry him. He also wanted a naive 24 year old instead of a 30 year old who might be savvy enough to question his 1000 mile move away from his kids and ex. He probably knew this situation was coming because he knew what his ex was like. He lied to this woman about it as evidenced by her believing his ex was "awesome," and this was in large part so he could have an automatic, low cost live-in nanny with benefits.

[@ineedhoez]

Hell yeah.

[@lisaoatman6244]

When a woman does not want kids ……….. they don’t want kids. She will never see them as a blessing. Move on lady and get the life you want.

[@sunshinemoon7075]

The father needs to parent like she’s not there. How would the situation look if new wife was not in the picture? Would family help? Will father have to change work schedule? Etc

[@coureenlawrence4915]

And that's fine, but you don't get married to someone with kids that are minors.

[@liesascott5414]

Wrong. She may just be way to responsible and have much higher expectations in regard to how children should grow up and what kind of parent she wants to be. It is way different to have your own child and have all rights and obligations in parenting than it is to have stepchildren. If the second parent of the child is in the picture there is commonly a lot of drama going on and it feels quickly like an unrewarding threesome.

[@naediggs4816]

​@@sunshinemoon7075 I agree. The odds are stacked against her because she is a woman, and women are expected to act as the primary domestic/custodial care givers. Studies already show 90%of household labor and child rearing falls on women. Women can become resentful of this when dealing with their _own_ children, of course they would become resentful dealing with other children. Men often re-marry/partner up so they can have another woman assume the role of mother for them, if the primary woman isn't available

[@lisaoatman6244]

@@liesascott5414 you’re wrong and a little hard of hearing, she said she doesn’t want kids . I have no other choice than to believe what she said. Where are you getting this information from???

[@terricox3559]

'Precious little life' was a bit condescending. A life without children is still a respectful life.

[@k.popper2620]

Not a little condescending it was outright condescending... It was wrong of him to say.

[@terricox3559]

@@k.popper2620 very

[@natashah9056]

I hear this girl. 24 is so young to be a mama of school aged children, especially when you didn't expect it. You desperately need an experienced mama friend to walk through this with you. When we give birth, our entire lives change, but we get the benefit of cuddling and bonding with an adorable baby. You've been thrown into smelly feet and big attitudes and busy schedules without the years of sweet bonding. I wish you luck.

[@janelleg597]

The kids were part of the package...how could she not have expected it..she married the guy

[@TheLuxeTraveler702]

Yes natasha this is so true. She probably has a hard time fully connecting with them, being thrown into the role of 'mama' in such a short amount of time.

[@scotte8629]

@@janelleg597 do you understand that the BIO_MOM had custody and not bio-dad? So she should not have expected that to change. it's one thing to have on holidays and even summers, but 24/7 isn't something someone would expect. Sorry you are just wrong here.

[@susiex9547]

@@scotte8629 Even if the bio mom had custody, when you marry someone with kids, anything can happen to the other parent and did. She could have gotten sick and died. A myriad of things can happen. You must realize that when you marry someone with kids if anything happens with the other parent, they will come live with YOU. Hello?

[@janebaker4912]

Exactly! You can fast forward to aged 7 and 10 and expect love. Respect will do

[@HangNguyen-ih8rf]

She married a divorced vet with PTSD with 2 kids …YES she did sign up for this. It’s ok to admit that you regret your decision but don’t say you “didn’t sign up for this

[@elainenilsson5472]

No, she married a man with some slight problems. Not a lot of problems and 2 kids that have been raised by a drug dependent mom and ripped away from their mom.

[@shaquillegoring3825]

When you are subscribed to the notion of the good life problems like what she is experiencing arise ; there is a legitimate reason why calamity and hardship exist within the human experience and reason is that it builds humanistic attributes such as resilience, temperance , patience and other virtues. Love is not as pretty and beautiful as people think it is hence why Jesus sacrifice himself on the cross . Chances she might go and leave me and find a worse situation .

[@scotte8629]

She didn't sign up to be a mom as she her self stated she didn't think she'd have kids. marrying someone who had 2 kids that doesn't live with them isn't the same as signing up for a full-time parent role.

[@elainenilsson5472]

@@scotte8629 Exactly. I'd like to know who plans to compensate her for this new role.

[@littleripper312]

She didn't sign up for living with the kids though. That's a very different arrangement and needs to be talked about. He's dumping a lot on her that wasn't there when they got married.

[@mhmaggiehanley1]

He is NOT listening to her.

[@shoshanaeri8035]

Agreed, I feel like he was encouraging her to get divorced. After 6 months of marriage. She does say she loves the kids, and does her best to care for them really well... it sounds like her heart is in the right place but she needs to grieve her life being suddenly so different. And thoughts of wanting to leave make sense in such an extreme situation. It is really hard to like someone else's kids, even if it's your spouse. They need to figure out how to still have a romantic, connected marriage outside of the kids. Like any couple when they have (biological) children. But this is a lot more complicated...it's great that they are in therapy and need to figure out how to juggle this huge new part of life in a way that gives their relationship time to flourish.

[@CyeOutsider]

​@shoshanaeri8035 She's only 24. She clearly didn't think this through properly and maybe just didn't have the life experience yet to know what she was getting into. But her husband did. Now she trapped. She either gets with the program and gives up her previous life entirely. Or she can admit her mistake, admit she's in over her head, didn't think this through and leave.

[@VLS1998t]

She married a guy with 2 young kids when she never wanted to take care of kids… I think he heard her loud and clear 😅

[@MsGear001]

He's listening while, at the same time, exploring if she might be open to a life different from what she'd initially imagined whereas the responsibility of children is concerned. He's trying to help her see that this change doesn't have to be a catastrophe.

[@miminotbovered2857]

Girl GET OUT!! It's not gonna get any better! Trust me!! These are the lies men tell young girls, dating a single father is not gonna be an adventure, being constantly put second, having your children together put second, having to be a fulltime mom to kids who will never see you as their real mom. Having to make sacrifices for them. It's not worth it.

[@stayroxy]

this is why I have never dated a man with kids, because this is what I imagine it's like.

[@jeffreyo5331]

So you would also agree that single men with no children should NEVER date a single mom right?

[@miminotbovered2857]

@@jeffreyo5331 RIGHT! People with kids should only date other people with kids.

[@akc783]

@@jeffreyo5331I agree with that. The step-parent setup is just problems waiting to happen.

[@Matt-cr4vv]

I am amazed at just how shallow this is. Hey I get it that this change going how it did was insane and this occurring out of nowhere at 24 would be wild to adapt to. Struggling with that is entirely reasonable and she needs to own that and be able to actually openly discuss the shallow issues of the care free college love that she planned on having that suddenly made her no longer lover her husband on a whim. Her plan was to moonlight as substitute mom on the rare occasions that he had his kids and I get that but she obviously didn’t communicate that openly to her husband and entered a relationship that she didn’t fully accept the responsibilities of entering and did a disservice to both of them. When he brings up the new adventure he’s pointing out how if she embraced the marriage she entered and gave it a true full chance with the love she committed she had for him. It wouldn’t be the care free young relationship she fantasized there would be but it could absolutely be fulfilling with the right love for her husband and by extension two people that he loves immensely. But clearly that isn’t in her heart and for the most part that would be fair if she didn’t enter a marriage with a man who had two children. And now there isn’t a chance that it ever gets better for her because she’s never loved him that way and her struggle is entirely because she feels guilty that her disdain is genuinely selfish in nature and that the love she said she had for him wasn’t true because a lifetime commitment through sickness and health doesn’t vanish like this. And she is being forced to accept that she was in love with the fantasy of what she thought it could be and not her husband but she’s having a tough time openly owning it. But the idea of a ranking system and the like here and making it a competition with his children is the most childish and emotionally barren thing I have ever read honestly because that isn’t love at all. And I hope at some point she stops trying to live in a duty of denial and just owns it. I may disagree with the top comment but I commend someone for just being real with what they expect even if it seems so shallow.

[@WILDANDPEACEFUL23]

Run Girl! Just admit you don’t feel like being a caretaker at the age of 24. The expert you’re talking to is not a caretaker and will never be his wife does most of the caretaking. He’s trying to talk her into it! Nobody deserves a stepmother who doesn’t truly want to be one. That is the worst situation of them all

[@ranip7644]

People abandon their kids all the time through divorce. What people need to do is start honoring their vows.

[@AM-mw2wu]

These are NOT her kids!!! She owes them nothing! The kids have both parents who need to set up! She must divorce this man without fail!

[@mademoisellemsc]

Exactly!

[@thecramptons]

Agree…she should get out now b4 it’s too late And she is too engrained

[@DC-bp8sx]

You’re exactly right, he hasn’t lived this and has no idea what it’s about. Being a parent is completely different to being a step parent

[@LaMaiStyle]

I got the best advice from a stepmom who married my mom’s 3rd ex husband. She had helped raise my little brother and I was an adult so she was more a like a friend. She told me to run not walk from dating guys who are single dads.

[@maryfields877]

Agreed. I met one with 4, 2 from 2 different moms. I was 24, he was 38 or 39, I can't remember. He was still reeling from the last relationship and complained to me once how she wanted to go to school to get a business certificate through the company she worked for. Mind you, I was a college student myself. After a few months, I pretty much said no thank you, not for me. Anyway, a few years later he calls me out of the blue. I was already married and he started complaining about his ex again and their kids! Then he says, well if you need any relationship advice you can call me; yeah, okay. I deleted his number right there and then.

[@Guildmanpro]

Same thing to single moms! Run. Run fast.

[@jeffreyo5331]

Not bad advice. I would add if your a single man without kids never date a single mom. Run not walk. I would never even think about seriously dating a woman who has kids. For recreational use only.

[@V.E.R.O.]

This may be an unpopular opinion but I think anyone who has kids should just remain single till the kids are grown, they are the first priority.

[@mademoisellemsc]

Recreational use only? Rude. Just leave them alone.

[@elaine8417]

There is a big difference between weekends and holidays to full time

[@alanmccarthy4004]

I feel like Dr John didn't really show compassion for the lady. Almost seemed like he couldn't see past his values as a family-first dad, and was offended that she would find the situation to be bad. His general advice was spot on... But I really felt he was judging her negatively.

[@usulman8834]

I agree. He's unfortunately negatively biased against stepparents. Which I undestand. Nobody gets it unless they've experienced it. Stepparents need therapists who specialize in issues stepparents face.

[@TheMinimalistTherapist]

I agree. I actually thought he was laughing at her to be honest. Big lack of compassion/empathy.

[@greendiamondglow]

What was he supposed to say? She's in the situation and she doesn't want out. They're having a 20 minute conversation, and she already said she doesn't want to leave the marriage. Her only other option is to deal with the situation. Unless you wanted him to suggest that she should convince her husband to send the kids back to their struggling mom? Send them into foster care? If she needs more help than a podcast host can provide, then maybe she should call a therapist next time.

[@thatsthejobbb8587]

I mean they're her husbands children - they're not going anywhere! She either finds the silver linings or leaves - it's that simple!

[@arohanui922]

I thought he gave very sound advice given she's halfway out the door. Two very traumatized children are never to blame for their situation. She is a grown adult. He said go in for 30 days, be honest, write all the stories you tell yourself. If she can't commit to that small task, perhaps it's her and she has no idea what she signed up for when she married. She literally married a man who had a life and small children before her. I mean surely, she's not very smart. Consequences suck. Children's wellbeing must come first.

[@gessrinky9129]

She became insta-mom at 24. You’re not gonna win here, girl. Sounds like she didn’t think this entirely through or just didn’t account for the fact the situation could change in a heartbeat. If you don’t want these children, leave.

[@husher5142]

In truth she should give it 6 months. She absolutely needs burn in time to get used it and if 6 months pass and shes still in crisis then leave. Anyone dumped with a massive load will struggle for a few months. Think of it like getting a new job, takes awhile to settle in.

[@Anonyme67]

Unless you have experience with kids we all think that loving the husband will be enough. I feel sorry for her and the kids

[@elizabethallen4353]

Amen. I feel really bad for her.

[@maryk446]

@@husher5142 Husher, I think you gave the best advice of anyone here. One month is not long enough. Six months is more realistic. In fact, I think she should give it a year. Who knows? She could grow to truly love the children. She already says here that she loves them. The fact that she and her husband are going to counseling is a good sign. Also, people are forgetting the fact that if she divorces, she be alone. It's not like she can divorce the kids and keep her husband - they're a package deal. How much fun will life be when she's all alone?

[@sparklesp9304]

@@maryk446 A person who never wanted kids of her own is very likely not going to do that...

[@Netokrate]

I see two things here. First - she loved not the man but the lifestyle. Second - she faced a systemic issue of all emotional labor and work related to kids being put on females in a marriage. In her situation, she received all the problems of motherhood without its benefits. But if her husband hadn't left all the work on her, it might have worked out better.

[@Justrelaxx101]

you hit it on the nail. At the end of the day, she picked him.

[@pearlosibu]

Exactly.

[@positiveattitudemake]

Perfectly said.

[@vsand9798]

The “systemic” issue of all emotional labor of kids being put on the woman?What systems are in place to force women into this role? What past decade are you living in? 😂Women now have even more choices than when I was young. Gender roles aren’t even clearly defined anymore. What really bothers me about my fellow women today is you have more choices than ever and complain more than ever. She chose a man with children, she walked right into this situation. She chooses to care for his kids. That “emotional labor” is all on her. If he were with another man and is the main income in the household, that role would still fall on the other party. And I’ve taken kids into my home. There are benefits to raising children that are not yours. You can bond with them. She is just too immature to do it. Nothing wrong with that, just leave before they depend on you and live your best 20 something life. I have 2 adult children, but I also have a 2 year old. My husband is a very traditional man, yet the work of raising our two year old, and the emotional labor do not fall on me alone. My oldest son has two kids as well. He is also a traditional man, his wife stays at home. She happily chooses this. When he gets home from a very physically hard job, he cares for the children so she can have time to herself. Things have changed, dear.

[@justynadzt7728]

This is a woman who made a conscious decision not to have children and her husband knew it. Now she had a responsibility she didn't sign up for. She has every right to leave, a woman who did not want children is forced to raise children, devote her time and attention to them. It wasn't her choice.

[@CCBBAA1]

Being with a vet with PTSD is already hard work. It's a lot of emotional management...yours and theirs. I can't imagine suddenly having 2 new kids on top of all that. Especially when your husband KNEW you didn't want kids. Everyone is saying she signed up for this. Well HE signed up for a wife that didn't want kids. If I were her, I would leave. This is going to ruin her life (that is subjective and she decides what ruining means for her...and she's there). Those kids deserve a good stepmom too. Kids know when you feel like she does about them. This situation sucks all around.

[@katamadordelvalle7972]

Leave. They aren't your kids. They'll be better off abandoned than having a stepmom who resents them. You put yourself first. Those kids will never accept you as their mom. Their dad could leave you for another woman in 10 years after you helped him raise his kids. It's NOT worth it.

[@ek5384]

He was low key judging her and implying her needs are shallow as opposed to raising a family. I don't appreciate that. Her whole life has been turned upside down. She went from living her young life to being a full time mother to two abandoned traumatized children. Give her a break, she's completely freaked out.

[@alannaalbritton381]

Totally agree with you on that.

[@AlexPerazaTV]

She is being super selfish. If she married someone with kids, they are her kids now legally. She deserves to accept full responsibility for her behavior. I highly doubt you would have any remose if a man wanted to ditch a single mother because he doesn't want to raise her kids. (helps you see the reality of this situation).

[@ek5384]

@@AlexPerazaTV I wouldn’t think poorly of a man who wasn’t ready for children. It is entirely possible to love your partner very deeply but not be ready to become a parent. And people can get stuck between these conflicting needs. I’m just saying it’s too complicated of a situation for us to judge. I do appreciate the comment about gender bias though, it got me questioning my judgement, so thank you.

[@morningcoffee2471]

She chose him knowing he has kids, so those children are also her responsibility. It’s not like someone forced her to marry him

[@cptfreeman8966]

@@ek5384 nothing wrong with not being ready to raise someone’s kids. But marrying someone with kids shows said person lacks foresight and they should take responsibility/accountability for that

[@astoldbynadia6310]

She really made a mess of her life. I wouldn't want to be 24 with a 10 and 6 year old.

[@kgormankmhb]

The age gap between this young lady and the 10 year old child is less than the age gap between 2 of my own children (theyre 15 years apart). I can’t even I amazing my 23 year old son being in this situation and I would never ever think it was a good idea. The poor girl had no idea what she was getting herself into. She’s just a baby herself. Sad situation for all involved.

[@funicon3689]

@@creature57an adult with common sense shouldve known this was a possibility

[@CindyR4]

The way he said “you don’t like what they’ve done to your precious little life,” I found so demeaning towards her. It left a bad taste in my mouth.

[@pippy52]

That comment bothered me, too.

[@karlaa5977]

Yes, that was pretty crappy.

[@rebeccashields9626]

But she PICKED this life. You can’t marry someone with two kids and then get mad when the kids are your responsibility. Either divorce today or be all in. Letting the kids suffer in this place where they feel every second that they’re not wanted is just awful. You don’t get to pick something and then be mad when you get exactly what you picked!

[@greent16]

He’s a man. They think all women should be thrilled to take care of their kids

[@katemiller7874]

I loved it. It’s true. She knew what she was getting into.

[@user-nq7pf1gx9z]

Actual step-mom here so I can speak to this! This is a double standard. She needs to see them as "her kids" BUT if their bio mom was in their life, she would be seen as "evil step-mom" and they would not give her the respect she deserves. Imagine her accepting all these new tasks...... really trying to be a mother figure THEN bio mom suddenly gets clean, the kids real quick will go to mom and forget that this lady gave up her life to raise these kids and won't give her the credit. That's the issue. My stepdaughter and I have a great relationship and I CHOSE to marry her dad, yes, and now we have an "ours" baby. She loves her brother and I and her dad but lets be real, the house is burning, she will let her mom know first and leave me (us) hanging..... Mom will always comes first and stepmom will always come 10th. Even though I am the one who taught her how to do her hair, brush her teeth, buy her clothes, cook for her, do her laundry, by her what ever she wants while her mother doesn't go above and beyond like I do........ So in society you "need to love them like they are your own" but then don't get the respect of being the "mom" especially if mom is in the child's life. My stepdaughter celebrates her moms bday and forgets about mine all the time. She sends her mom amazing Mother Day messages while me nothing..... She calls mom daily but never wants to talk to me while I am an active parent in her life and we actually get alone GREAT.... You get shitted on daily so how can any stepmom excel and feel amazing about being a stepmom??? Step dads are seen as heros but stepmoms are seen as trouble makers and the "extra" woman whom their dad abandoned mom for. Its so hard. Legally step parents do not have to financially support step kids (because duh those aren't their kids!) but are seen as awful if they don't. Its a huge double standard.

[@robr268]

She never once said it was a struggle in that department. She spoke on the world being centered around the kids and not her now. You going into something different.

[@denfolo5224]

Thanks for sharing your experience. I am sorry to hear that.

[@zojairam]

You are absolutely right. I had a stepmom who took care of me even better than my mom, never gave her the recognition. She passed when I was 15. And isn’t until now that I’m an adult that I had realized how amazing she was. So sad, too late.

[@katemiller7874]

I’m a step mom also for 15 years. Get over yourself so what if your 10 th on the list. They need as much support as you can give. You won’t get accolades at all if that’s what your expecting lol

[@ifc1035]

I have never known any stepdads who were seen as heroes or even appreciated at all.

[@karenmassey8354]

Delony gaslit this woman telling her that she wasn’t living the child-free life that she actually was. It’s ok to acknowledge that the child-free life is one of freedom and agency. The gaslighting was unnecessary. At 24 she’s young enough to leave, start over, get remarried, and carry on with her life as she would like to live it. She’s not abandoning them - their drug addicted mother abandoned them. She should also leave before her husband “accidentally” gets her pregnant because that’s his next idea. I want her to be smarter.

[@1981lashlarue]

She was living the child-free life up until she married someone with kids. Even she acknowledges that she didn't think this through. She never anticipated the status quo would change. When you marry someone with kids, even if they don't have full custody at the time or the kids live far away at the time, that could always change. If she wasn't willing to take on that risk, then she shouldn't have married him.

[@karenmassey8354]

@@1981lashlarue I agree.

[@Celestriona]

Freedom and agency is always a gamble, child free or not.

[@jhonilocran6077]

Thank you!

[@shanandananscoo]

"She’s not abandoning them - their drug addicted mother abandoned them. " THANK YOU

[@susanfudge1737]

I never got into serious relationships with divorced dads. People judged me for that but I didn't want to marry a guy with an ex -wife and children and child support and weekend and holiday visits. I wanted my children to have a traditional nuclear family where all their siblings had the same mom and dad, no steps, halves, etc. So I'm 20 years married with 2 kids. Worked out way easier than that alternative, blended family would have.

[@melmel7011]

Im happy u got what you wished for. Sometimes you can want this but have your partner walk out on you or die. I guess in such a case you would have remained single if it dare happen after u had just one child

[@trenicejohnson15]

Agreed, nuclear family is what I wanted.

[@leabeauty837]

You are not apart of a blended family, so you don’t know what the alternative is. This is one example, loads would of course think their situations (both ways).. are perfect. Each to their own.

[@vsand9798]

@@melmel7011not necessarily. You can have a kid and marry someone without kids. I did.

[@vsand9798]

I can’t blame you. That’s what I wanted, except the father of my kids decided to cheat on me when I was pregnant. I found out after my 2nd child was born. So I tried and tried to work it out but the damage was done. We split after 17 years. I refused to date a man with kids. So I found a man without kids. We eventually had 1 of our own. My older boys love him to pieces. But it only worked because my husband is very drama free, my boys are family oriented and much older. I wouldn’t be offended if a guy saw I had kids and didn’t want to date me. I totally get it. Kids complicate things.

[@moralesska0131]

I don’t blame her..being a parent is hard af and I can’t imagine doing it at 24 😩 I’m 37 with a 3 yr old and some days I feel like I’m drowning so I get her. Just be honest girl and keep it moving

[@ihateallyall]

the more I read how parents struggle with their kids, and to hear that you’re drowning, that kids make parents want to bang their head against the wall, or scream. the lack of sleep, the demanding attention, regulating their emotions, controlling them in public… it seems like a lot. obviously we need to have kids to not go extinct, but I just don’t think I want to contribute. I have general anxiety in day to life, I hardly want another dog after mine passes, let alone a whole human being. your comment is like the nail in the coffin of my decision to not have kids

[@stringerchick3650]

Absolutely I'm 37 with a 2 ywat old and damn it's fricken rough

[@vsand9798]

@@ihateallyall I think if you don’t wanna have kids you shouldn’t. But I hear the complaining from parents and I think wow how selfish our culture has become. I am the mother of three boys, well two are men now and one is a toddler. They all were very active. Raising kids to become productive adults is going to have its challenges. I think millennials and Gen Z think life should be easy and always fair. That’s not life. That’s never been life. As someone who is Gen X and raised to GenZ men, I’m pretty grossed out with how my generation has parented.

[@vsand9798]

@@stringerchick3650I don’t get it at all, the complaining about how hard it is to have kids. I’m 46. My older boys are 22 & 25, my youngest is 2. I was a stay at home mom for 8 years with the first two. Part time working with my last. My kids have all been very energetic, very curious which can present challenges. But hard? Compared to what? Having a dog? Life is hard.

[@vsand9798]

At 24 I was the mother of 2 very active boys. I was helping their dad start a business while helping my dad run his. We had just bought a house. At 37 I had two teenagers I was raising in a dangerous city. I had to watch them all the time. Now at 46, I’m the mom of another toddler. You know what helps? Realize that not every little thing is a big deal. What makes us drown as parents are our expectations of how things should be going that don’t align with reality. Instead of trying to swim with rocks in your pockets(expectations), just take a breath lay back and go with the flow. You will makes mistakes, and that’s ok. It won’t be the end of the world. Then there will be this moment when you realize you can’t remember the last time you held your daughter. She will be big that fast.

[@LSSYLondon]

"Better to admit you walked through the wrong door than to spend your life in the wrong room. "

[@sarannak]

She signed up to be married to a man with PART TIME involvement with his children. She didn’t sign up to replace FULL TIME maternal duties. It’s unfair to flippantly say “she signed up for this” the arrangement when she married was COMPLETELY different. The time investment, emotional and cognitive lift is MASSIVE

[@ineedhoez]

Exactly. This is a material change in the agreement. One not fully contemplated by the parties at the time of signing.

[@Sh33rAwwsumniss]

Marrying for better or worse comes with the unexpected. Its apart of life

[@elaynemacbride7232]

If you are marrying someone with children, you should know there’s a chance that anything could happen and they might become you and your husband’s responsibility.

[@PinkieJoJo]

Bull. You marry anyone with kids regardless of the initial involvement you better be prepared to be able to do it full time. As he stated here they screwed up her pretty little life. I don’t at all feel sorry for her. I feel sorry for the kids alone. They are the ones that truly didn’t sign up for it. She did. She needs to get over herself.

[@Raminakai]

Amen! Said every step mom whose "deal" reality was very different from the one she was "presented" with . This is really tough. But, it will shape your character, humble you and like refiners fire, turn you into gold. Give it time. In five years, this is going to look totally different and feel incredible to have gone through this.

[@candyluna2929]

DO NOT ADOPT THEM, do yourself a favor.

[@kcjones9828]

Bingo

[@karencristobal4999]

Do them that favor

[@janofokc]

I have had 3 step children for 42 years. Two girls and one boy. He was the youngest. I stuck it out. It has NEVER gotten any better. They were 2, 4, and 5 at the time of our marriage. My husband is five years older than me. Every fight and argument has been because of or by the kids, or the ex wife, or ex mother in law, or sister in law. they ruin your peaceful life. They cannot stand for the step mother (me) to be happy. I personally would tell her. "Run as fast as you can." I speak from 42 years of experience. After the kids grow up, they get married and have kids, and the cycle starts all over again. I did not think my life would be like this either. It was not what I signed up for. Dani, I was 24 when I married a man with 3 kids, and they never lived with us. They caused as much trouble as they could. The children cause more trouble than you will ever imagine. All this happened to me without the kids in the same household. It was horrible when we had them for weekends or camping trips or vacation. They ruined everything !!! This has been my experience.

[@sabrinaoliveira3654]

Wow, so sorry for your experience. I know you're talking about the experience of a lifetime, but would you mind sharing some of the things that bothered you the most in your marriage? I'm dating a guy who has one sweet kid but obviously if I wasn't considering my options I wouldn't be watching this video.

[@ScurvyRascal]

@@sabrinaoliveira3654 Accept you're #2 and ALWAYS will be. It's his child that's the way he should be for him. If it isn't, that's how he'll treat your kids! Don't be naive about it. His ex will more than likely cause trouble at varying degree...using the child even! You can never EVER complain/criticize about something the child will do. NEVER EVER! They- grandparents, uncles, aunties, his friends, etc..., fully expect you to resent the child in some way. They do not trust you! You'll just be feeding into their idea that you are the jealous step mom. If his family has a respectful relationship with his ex for the kid's sake, she comes before you....because that's the kid's best interest. If you're ever going through a major situation and need your bf by your side, he'll be there up until his fatherly duties call. Remember, you're not #1. And that before you even have kids with him!

[@janisemills1]

@@ScurvyRascal All of this is very true

[@janisemills1]

@@ScurvyRascal Add on that you have all the responsibility for that child but no authority. Meaning you will eventually cook, buy things, babysit and clean up after the child. But when it comes to activities, family stuff or anything beneficial to the child and parent you will not be involved.

[@myopiniongoodyouropinionbad]

I have been married for 2 years and am a step father. The little girl is wonderful and I have a good relationship with her, but her father weirds me out. He also emotionally abuses the crap out of my wife (his ex) in any attempt at coparenting. More gaslighting than 19th century London. Intimacy has dried up between my wife and I, I do most of the house work, make more money and help with the childrearing but I feel like I'm in 3rd place at best and my needs mean absolutely nothing. I would say the same thing to anyone else. When we got married circumstances were different, but things change. And you will never be their biological parent, you will ALWAYS be 3rd place.

[@kitkakitteh]

Stop minimizing her horror at her WHOLE life and marriage changing at 24. She is not ready for this. The relationship wasn’t firm enough for this level of change. He sounds lime he’s advocating for the children, not HER.

[@happycook6737]

If you are single and childless DON'T marry anyone divorced with kids. You will be a simp and end up paying emotionally, financially, and in every other excruciating way. Rarely does it ever work out. I'm sure now people will say my advice is wrong but I've lived long enough to see this devastating pattern ruin so many different peoples' lives.

[@chillchill1711]

I’m single and childless and considering marrying a man with one kid. But now maybe, nah.. I’m too tired for that. Thank you for this advice

[@dr.jenniferma3914]

I've never seen a stepmother situation that works great. There's usually A LOT of tension.

[@easyenglishwithrachael1931]

Rolls eyes. My husband always wanted a child. It didn’t happen for him. He’s happily a stepfather to my daughter.

[@snopure]

Not true. My dad already had a kid when he married my mom. My sister was a product of his first marriage. Although there was some tension, they worked it out by way of establishing boundaries and prioritizing responsibility. My parents have been married for decades.

[@msbeecee1]

@easyenglishwithrachael1931 it's way easier to be a stepfather than a stepmother. Especially to older kids who will not see u as mom. Ur just the Maid.

[@Diana734]

This is why people with children need to date eachother. She wants child free fun and relaxation. She does not want the stress and responsibility of child rearing.

[@shelbysycamore637]

Say it louder for the people in the back please? As long as she is paying taxes, who am I to tell her what she needs to do?

[@tatl6244]

That is why child-free people should date each other.

[@Coastpsych_fi99]

Preach. It’s the safest bet tbh

[@bibsp3556]

Yep. Kids will ruin your life

[@c.edales740]

She needs to leave and go take care of herself. She too young and not ready for this. It’s a lot and a long road.

[@anglophils645]

Twenty-four is very young to be married. And his being 31 IS a lot older, at that age, Dr. John has just forgotten. Seven years' age difference is not a lot, between thirties and forties, but it IS a lot, between twenties and thirties. She was only fourteen when his first child was born. I think what she's saying, is her husband is also part of the problem, or issue. She was already his caretaker, with his PTSD, and adding troubled children to her plate, is just too much for her, at 24 years old.

[@DD-sp9lu]

She didn’t sing up for this. She signed up for a part time role. She clearly said she never wanted to have kids. And that’s why she chose him. Her feelings are fully justified.

[@robr268]

Grow the F up. Your husband has custody of his children now and you all have to raise them. Marriage is for adults. If he gets sick will she say, "I didn't see this coming, I'm out"? And she saw it coming because he had children and you NEVER know what life will throw at you.

[@yasminogbu8929]

Agreed,

[@shanchan8247]

She should have never dated him as soon as she found out he had kids. If you don't want kids, don't get with a person with children, no matter what the circumstances are.

[@Rebecca-ci3zc]

I guess you’re young because life is full of changes and surprises. You sign up and take what life throws your way. If she never wanted kids don’t marry a man with them because you never know, she found out.

[@christinebutler7630]

Then, she should never have gotten involved with a parent.

[@redcomic619]

I understand Christian values teach differently, but this young woman is a great example of why I feel people should NOT rush into marriage, especially under the age of 25.

[@landonlowe4029]

The problem is marrying someone with kids here lol if it were her own kids it'd be totally different and it's 2 kids not 1 kid lol so even worse... she shouldn't have married someone with 2 kids already at her age given her stage in life

[@landonlowe4029]

She should have found a guy nearer to her own age but it is what it is

[@genxx2724]

I would think a Christian woman would be gratified to become the mother of the household, not a DINK with appendages.

[@landonlowe4029]

@@genxx2724 once again motherhood of your own children =/= motherhood of someone else's children especially at that stage of life when she didn't already have or want her own kids

[@Ka_Gg]

I know several kids that will go to church every Sunday. It seems like before they even had their life started they were trying to get married and have kids. I never understood the rush

[@Alex-qx4qw]

I don't like how John has a heavy bias on this case. He wants her to stay in this marriage and be the awesome step mom. She's already feeling guilty enough with a situation that was beyond her control as is. Why pressure her more.

[@Bella_Noche337]

She said she didn’t know if she wanted to leave……

[@ceciliaramos2280]

Because there’s this thing it’s called a commitment. For better or for worse. This is the worse. She better grow up.

[@joannwebb3683]

She's only 24. She said she never wanted children. She needs to listen to her inner voice. I think she wants to leave. If that is true it is better for her to leave now than years down the road when the children have gotten attached to her. She would proudly resent the kids and husband if she stayed.

[@wowskaterchick]

He’s pushing his ideas too much on this one clearly. Love this show but she had made it clear what she wanted

[@Ka_Gg]

I find it interesting how many people are acting like this girl is selfish when in reality she is just being honest about the situation. Obviously she should have thought this through. She and her husband should have talked about this situation possibly playing out. She still a 24 year old that probably wasn't planning on having kids anytime soon and now she has two kids that are dropped in her lap. She even mentioned about liking that she doesn't have any pets. She isn't a bad person. She just got into a married without thinking the whole situation through

[@paulatripodi3989]

@Ka Gg I agree with you. She is not a bad person. She called because she is being honest with herself and knows she has to be brutally honest with her husband. It is a tough situation. But you can't make yourself feel what you don't feel. It sounds like deep down she doesn't think it will get better. She is feeling resentment alteady, and that is a killer. Yes, she has to accept responsibility for her decision to marry and maybe learn a hard lesson about the choices we make in life. But if she doesn't believe she can work through this, better to go now. I am curious about how long the couple knew each other before marrying. And, not to put all blame on him either, but how realistic was he with her about possible co-parenting possibilities? At 31 he had to have some idea of what was going on with his ex for quite some time.

[@Ka_Gg]

@@paulatripodi3989 yeah, my gut feeling says they weren't together that long

[@FourSeasons04]

She's not a bad person, but she's not very bright either. Where exactly were the kids to go if something happened to Mom? She clearly did not view life beyond her nose. She needs to exit before she does further damage.

[@Ka_Gg]

@@FourSeasons04 yes, she was naive in that respect, but the hate on her and these comments is quite a bit overboard. You guys keep saying she needs to leave and that's pretty much the reason she called is because she needed to talk it out. I can also agree that many people wouldn't talk about this situation of ever having to have the kids. I'm not saying it's right but a lot of people do that. My parents were divorced and if my mom would have died, my dad would have been completely lost raising us. He wasn't prepared at all. I'm not trying to look at it from what a perfect person does, I'm trying to look at it from a realistic point of view

[@JaimeBlanco666]

Selfishness and honesty aren’t mutually exclusive.

[@cutehumor]

So there are tons of single guys with no kids. She is 24 and picked a divorced guy with 2 kids. she OWNED herself

[@alejandraflores7243]

Not judging her but have you seen the dating market everyone has at least one kid

[@genxx2724]

@@alejandraflores7243 Ugh, It’s true. There are few clean slates.

[@Julian-zc9vm]

@@alejandraflores7243 depends on what circles you run in and your age. The caller is only 24. There are PLENTY of

[@alejandraflores7243]

@@Julian-zc9vm I’m on my late 20s 80% of the guys I’ve met have kids

[@jet4415]

@@alejandraflores7243 I agree with you! Everyone has kids if they are 30 or older.

[@AM-mw2wu]

This is why I refuse to date single fathers. Part time or full time, if they have kids I'm not interested. I'd rather die alone than date or marry a single father. This poor girl is struggling yet you have people calling her selfish etc These are NOT her kids so she owes them nothing. This isn't a blessing for her or an opportunity to help someone else's kids because their parents are a mess. Where is the father?! He needs to be doing more to raise his own kids. This is abuse of this poor girl end of story and any childless woman or man reading this comment and watching this video, needs to take note! DON'T get involved with single parents! It's high risk and low reward. You'll get used and abused just like this girl. It happens ALL the time when you get involved with single parents. I hope this girl leaves or has left the marriage. These are NOT her kids, she owes them nothing. The father needs to take responsibility and man up! Why is this girl getting vilified? I repeat this is an abusive relationship because this poor girl is being used yes used! To play mommy to some other woman's kids. She owes no one anything. And would Jesus really be happy to see this girl miserable and distraught? What would he say to her? I doubt he'd tell her to stick it out because she signed up for this! I hope this girl has divorced her loser husband and yes! He is a loser because he expects a stranger his new wife, to raise HIS children with another woman and she's getting overwhelmed and no support. Ffs!

[@mskimrn9636]

This is exactly why I never dated men with kids.

[@thinkchivalryblog4772]

She's grieving the fact that she no longer has the freedom to choose what she does with her time (and the timeher husband has availableto give her of his). It all revolves around the kids and their needs now, WHENEVER needed, no matter what SHE wants or needs. The life she thought she would have is over.

[@jaysmith6013]

Yup you nailed it. It’s what all parents must do, but it’s just sad she put herself into a parental position by marrying a man with kids when she never wanted kids herself

[@thinkchivalryblog4772]

@@jaysmith6013 Exactly. And her disappointment is understandable, but she shouldn't have married a man with kids assuming they would never have to step in as full time parents at any point over the next 18+ years. Very unrealistic.

[@Ka_Gg]

@@jaysmith6013 yeah, it's what all parents do, but at the same time many parents have time to prepare for it. This girl had pretty much no preparation on it

[@Gheuns3251]

She shouldn’t of married a man with kids 🤷🏻‍♀️ doesn’t sound like a wife .

[@Salutations26]

@@Ka_Gg she had time before she married him. She had more time than most. My mom died unexpectedly and she was the guardian of my niece and nephew. I am now the guardian of my niece and nephew. Not expected.

[@luannkelly5071]

I was a stepmother for 9 years. It's the worst situation. Responsibility with no authority, etc. Even with adult kids. My husband was enabler to one daughter's drug addiction. It did ruin the marriage. She has to love him more than the resentment.

[@janebaker4912]

Yes!!! You can never win. All the responsibility no love back or authority or say in your life!

[@user-lv4ok9vo5o]

I was totes waiting for this comment. Stepmom army we understand. 😭 -Dan’s wifey

[@Nah-ah]

I lived through this as a kid being raised by someone else. It’s an unhealthy situation to be in as step parents or step kids. I don’t wish it on anyone at all! I Hope every woman and man chose their partners well bc if ya don’t there will be resentment and that’s something you don’t want anyone, no matter who’s wrong or right, to feel!

[@noblegirl1991]

I understand. You should just not take any of the responsibility. None of it

[@ts8024]

"Responsibility with no authority," great way to put it.

[@AnusiaLA]

This is why I wont date anyone with kids. I don’t care if I’m single for the rest of my life. I don’t care if the kid is with the mom. I wont put myself and other people in this situation. I’m not a step mom material.

[@pabsswede8740]

I was the kid that nobody wanted! Lolol, it sucks everyone itches for the day you turn 18 and you're off own your own.

[@JillCrato]

If your parental units didn't want you,you owe them NOTHING! YOU AREN'T OBLIGATED TO DO ANYTHING FOR THEM! PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF! BE SAFE!

[@k.popper2620]

Yeah I was a kid that no one wanted either the fact that was abandoned at 15 because my father picked his side piece over me.... And my mother had a full-blown nervous breakdown. And the rest of my older and I mean by like 18 years older siblings did nothing.... I truly have no family. It sucks, even to this day there is still so much hurt.

[@TiffanyMis24]

In my opinion this is the bio dads fault. He should have had a bigger presence in these kids lives so that his new wife was aware that he had such a huge responsibility.

[@AllIAm1]

Agreed she was riding the part time parent train just like he was

[@jet4415]

I love how most of the commenters are saying "She's selfish!". I've known men who married women to take care of their kids, then divorced them when the kids graduated from high school. So I call BS.

[@eurekahope5310]

True. But she chose to marry a man with children in a drug house. How naïve to think this was a child free situation for life.

[@jet4415]

@@eurekahope5310 I doubt he told her....

[@eurekahope5310]

@@jet4415 How do you justify marrying someone without finding out about his children and their living situation? I'm not placing blame solely on her, but he has children. Even grandparents and aunts and uncles receive custodial rights of children in divorce situations. If he had no custody of the children that suggests he is either a deadbeat or dangerous to them. If he had some custody, she should have been very aware of their situation. She isn't the victim. The children are the victim and if she doesn't woman up she will become the third adult to abandon them. She can sacrifice the less than 12 years to give these kids a good home and be an empty nester in her thirties. How selfish to slam the door on these children so she can travel on a whim and live for herself (she can camp with kids, they love it).

[@Cathy-xi8cb]

Only two months after the marriage, the ex "falls into" dysfunctional drug addiction after her partner ODs? How checked out of the situation was the caller's husband not to see this mess coming? How checked out of this developing mess was the caller? These two kids are going to be messed up for years once they become teens: druggie mom, dead, OD'd stepdad, PTSD dad, resentful stepmom. This will be a nightmare.

[@eurekahope5310]

I wouldn't lay this only on the husband. She would have to be naïve to think a man with two kids with an OD'ed stepfather would never end up in their custody.

[@littleripper312]

@@eurekahope5310 He should have informed her of the situation better. It's like he didn't properly disclose what she was signing up for. If I were in her situation I'd leave, although to be honest I don't think I'd marry someone with kids in the first place.

[@kaycon4823]

@@littleripper312 how do you know that he didn't inform her?

[@kaycon4823]

Yes I'm pretty sure that these things didn't happen overnight. Pretty sure that both of them saw the storm clouds but just chose to ignore them.

[@nicolee2649]

Could not agree more! Perfectly said!

[@claudeyaz]

The issue is...the Dads and bio moms always say "you are the step mom but you have no authority over the kids." It ends up a mess. You get all the bad parts of being a parent, without the good perks!

[@isay207]

Dad needs to say while in my house my wife fills the role

[@jerfy2001]

Absolutely. I was lucky enough to be in a position as a step-dad, where I never had to deal with the biological father being in the picture. I became dad from day one, I met my son when he was less than a year old, he's 7 now, and after a long drawn out court process, we completed the adoption process this year! I kicked the "step" title to the curb!

[@moniquewrites9046]

Then don’t do it if you don’t want to. Also not all biological moms are like this. My mom wasn’t.

[@vsand9798]

I don’t know how it is to be a step mom. I absolutely refuse. I watched my mom deal with that mess with my dad’s older kids. I did have 2 kids and got remarried. My husband had never been a “stepdad”. He didn’t want to be called stepdad, he didn’t want to parent my kids. Gotta say, that is what made it work. I handled my sons. My husband was more like an older friend. My boys weren’t easy, but they were my responsibility.

[@vsand9798]

As a bio mom, yeah, you have no authority. Those are MY kids. But I never would allow or ask another man to call himself “stepdad”. My kids have a dad, as useless as he sometimes is, that’s my problem. Not having the authority to tell my kids what to do doesn’t mean you don’t have a say. In private, to me, away from my kids. When I was dating I had men try to tell me when they would meet my kids, they asked if I would allow them to discipline my kids. The answer is always no. The man I married was not interested in being a stepdad. He interacted with my kids, he joked and played with them, they even went to the gym together. But I enforced chores, made sure homework was done, took my kids to events and to school. I was the one to discipline my children and get their dad involved if necessary. There was one time when my oldest challenged my husband. My husband shrugged and said, I’m not arguing with a kid. He told me and I handled it. If he tried to be “daddy” to my very independent and willful sons, it would have been a disaster.

[@fabiolatorres4020]

"they're your kids": NO, they're NOT.

[@catdancerskaleidoscopeofbo8496]

I knew this call was not going to go over well with Deloney. The one I see as selfish is the father of these kids because he has now hired himself a glorified nanny. She doesn't realize it now, but she is "the help". For heaven's sake, she would have been 14 when the first one was born, what do either of them know about raising kids. She is going to get real tired of this real fast, and I see them divorced within 2 years. And people, stay away from opiates, you can lose your kids!! Some of these pharmaceutical companies should be charged with crimes against humanity, because even if you need pain killers you cannot safely use them without risk of losing your kids and your entire livelihood. I've seen it time and time again.

[@janebaker4912]

Yes! She's a nanny now. She should run.

[@David-fw4ly]

She married him, for rich or poor, in sickness and health, for better or worse, until death do is part. What part of marriage for life do you lot understand? I know how shitty marriage is, and that’s why I don’t get married.

[@janebaker4912]

@@David-fw4ly *this* is not a marriage. You can't just say because she signed a paper that she must now live in misery. This husband needs to step up

[@David-fw4ly]

@@janebaker4912 Signed a paper??? Seriously, that’s what marriage is to you when it isn’t convenient. SMH 🤦‍♂️

[@janebaker4912]

@@David-fw4ly it is, yes. But this women is miserable and being used like an employee. She needs to save herself

[@brookesmith1550]

I feel for her! I have 3 kids. It can’t be easy raising someone else’s kids when you never wanted kids in the first place. Yes, you should leave if that is what you think about everyday. Cut the losses now! The longer you wait the harder it will be for everyone!

[@johnlanier3616]

She is beyond selfish

[@probablynot1368]

@@michaelpalumbo4880 I’ve just read your comments. I couldn’t imagine my 24-year-old taking on the responsibility of raising someone’s 10- and 6-year-old children. She briefly touched on the fact that these children are in counseling, too. They’ve already had a horrific life, so she most likely feels guilty about even contemplating her bouncing out of their lives. I wonder what caused her husband’s first marriage to end. Where are his extended family members (his support ‘team’)? He’s probably ill-equipped to handle the emotional needs of his children while dealing with his own PTSD. I’d give John’s 30-day advice a good run, while also continuing marriage counseling. If there is no change, and this was my daughter, I would advise her to end the marriage ASAP.

[@FourSeasons04]

I want to feel her, but I don't. I appreciate her honesty, but I have no idea what she was thinking when she married a man WITH children. Life constantly throws curve balls on and you have to learn to roll with it. She had a choice, the children had none and they certainly deserve better.

[@probablynot1368]

@@michaelpalumbo4880 Yeah, I have to agree; however, I think 30 days will give her a chance to plan an organized exit via an annulment. She was either naive regarding the children possibly living with them, or she was kept in the dark regarding the chaos happening in Alabama, as it just didn’t suddenly unfold. I feel sorry for the children.

[@eurekahope5310]

@@michaelpalumbo4880 I have daughters and I would absolutely advise her against marrying a divorced man with children. I would let her know that custody situations are fluid. I would let her know that she is committing to a man who should have the best interest of his children foremost until they are age of emancipation. If she chose to marry a man in this situation and she ended up with his children I would walk beside her to help her be the best stepmom to those kiddos. Where is it written that we should have a playful, unobstructed life in our twenties? How ethical is it to be the third "parent" to abandon these traumatized kids? What makes you a better person, camping on the weekends or taking responsibility and caring for those in need? I want my daughters grow to be the kind of adults we need in this world. I want them to care deeply for others, willing to sacrifice their idea of fun to create a new paradigm of joy in whatever situation is placed in their laps. Pleasure is fickle, character is priceless.

[@abubarrie88]

Sometimes John can be soo condescending sometimes. You know exactly what she means by her saying decisions are being decided for her now being a full time parental figure. He knows exactly what she means, they’re new living arrangement has upended her life and the freedoms she had… and her day to day and long term decisions,/choices are not ultimately up to her or about her anymore anymore, she’s not her priority any more they kids are.

[@lilywasserman1852]

Exactly. I felt the same way like why would you ask her what are you missing out? She is missing out on a lot. What kind of question is that for a 24-year-old? I will tell her to leave as soon as possible

[@zojairam]

He doesn’t know, probably John’s wife does all around the house and for the kids. I didn’t like his advice since he doesn’t even knew what she meant. Being a Mom is exhausting, mentally emotionally on anyone let alone a 24yo who didn’t want to birth her own kids. And now in a blast she’s the full time care taker of a 10 and a 6yo. Shame on the father and on John for shamming her for feeling this way, she’s not selfish, she doesn’t mistreat the kids, she loves them and she tried, but the more she’s willing to do the more is going to be ask of her.

[@ladybug6892]

He’s not condescending. She married a guy with two kids and shouldn’t be surprised that he is responsible for this. She was too naive it is her fault. She’s 24 years old and should be held accountable for her actions

[@lawschoolpro]

Let’s address the elephant in the room. What if you married someone with a kid, but the original guy pays no child support, and only shows up for events. I signed up for a marriage not a babysitter that works two jobs and goes woefully unappreciated. You get tired of getting used and abused. I knew she had a kid but I didn’t expect what I got. So now I’m probably going to get a divorce. Why should I support financially for something I didn’t create, and get no help.

[@Brandonintendo]

I dated someone with 2 young children and at the time, I wasn't mature enough to be a step father, so I walked away from that relationship. 6 years later.. I'm married with a child of my own, and couldn't be happier... As someone who grew up without a father, I expected a lot more from a step father, and I wasn't ready to be that. Fatherless children deserve a fully-invested, loving step father who will treat them as their own, unconditionally.

[@janebaker4912]

Single parents should not trap child free people. It's unfair

[@tatl6244]

@@janebaker4912 child-free people shouldn't marry or date people with children. This is a very easy problem to avoid.

[@janebaker4912]

@@tatl6244 you just dumped all the responsibility on one party. When child free people are manipulated most of the time, then treated like nannies. The guilted into staying.

[@tatl6244]

​@@janebaker4912 1. I am child-free by choice. 2. I never want to have kids(climate change). So I would never date or marry anyone that had kids. I think single parents have the responsibility to vet the person they are dating or marrying to make sure they love their children and are willing to take care of them. However, the child-free person(if they don't want to have kids) so stay clear of single parents. If the child-free person doesn't mind having kids in their lives. Then they have to make sure that they love and care about their partner's children. Your earlier comment implied that it was solely the single parent's responsibility and the child-free person was trapped. I countered that "child-free people shouldn't marry or date people with children". So in summary, it is both their responsibility to be clear with their expectations. If she is unhappy, she should leave and avoid single parents in the future.

[@janebaker4912]

@@tatl6244 it is very important that we don't pressure step parents to "love" the children and visa versa. It is respect that is needed. If love happens that good, but not needed. The person in the story was trapped! She expected a life where the kids don't live with her. She needs to leave to protect herself. No guilt and manipulation, just leave. It's hard cos she loves her husband

[@lw7608]

I hear a 24 year old newlywed who suddenly has the life of a 35 yr old stay at home mom. Two very different phases of life. I understand her struggle. But she has the chance to shift her perspective on this like Dr. John is talking about. I think she's overwhelmed and has to acknowledge how she feels to the counselor and then decide. Suppressing her actual feelings will make her continue to feel trapped and is what's causing the all or nothing feelings she is experiencing

[@Price8903]

This is an understanding and beyond reasonable comment.

[@Salutations26]

She also needs to take ownership. I am sure the kids enjoy camping and the occasional door dash.

[@gretalukoseviciute2058]

i was in the same situation... The responsability is on the father 100% for not being sure that the future wife and the kids get along...

[@alicesmith4249]

When my husband's teenager's drama threatened to suck me in and spit me out and I was expected to just put up with it quietly, I felt the pressure to lock step and not advocate for myself for fear of being a "wicked stepmother." That's when my own mom intervened and reminded me, "You're someone's baby, too. You're my baby. And I didn't spend blood, sweat, and tears raising you just so you could be sacrificed for someone else's kid."

[@JnikaJ]

I personally think she should leave. Yes she married a man with kids and thought for some reason they would not be a part of her life.. (a lot of people do this men and women, they assume the children’s mother will do all the work and they get the “prize”) She will do things and say things that will eventually over time reveal her resentment and what will turn into contempt. And this impending contempt could be terrible and awful for the children. The “evil step mother” trope is not pulled out of thin air. These kids will get the brunt of this. She doesn’t WANT to be a mother. And nothing can change that. It will be hard… but in my opinion she should leave.

[@AllIAm1]

I agree; her heart is not going to change I can hear it

[@Gheuns3251]

I agree she should leave only for the her husband and children sakes. They deserve better and a person who is truly committed and enjoys the role of wife and step mother

[@macneoh7418]

She is selfish as they come. Married a man with two kids and now she's mad because she has to be a parent......unbelievable, but it's typical female behavior.

[@lucieg8200]

@@macneoh7418 she’s not selfish, she should’ve never married him in the first place. I bet that man picked her for a reason because she has no kids, to become a mother to his kids. She should leave today!

[@kcjones9828]

Why do y’all expect everybody to just accept crumbs? Soon as somebody don’t take all your baggage God forbid it’s kids y’all act like the world ended🙄

[@jacquelinemarie9655]

I feel for this woman, because my husband has a child with someone else. When he first told me about his son during initial dating, I thought long and hard about how I would feel if his son's biological mom died, if everyone else stopped helping, and we were the only two people there for this little boy. And I said yes, to my husband AND his son. I knew from jump that they are a package deal. It makes me sad that people rush into marriage when kids are involved. These are innocent humans dependent on adults who have their own struggles. I hope she finds her happiness and my heart goes out to the kids especially ❤️

[@lauren4078]

Well done. That was the right thing to do for you, your now husband, and his son. You made a choice to be there for both, 100% all in. Unfortunately this young woman from the video did not do her due diligence the way you did. Well done. Truly.

[@sparklesp9304]

@@lauren4078 She was only 24, smh. You can't even think long-term until 25.

[@anonymouse9833]

My dad married a woman who didn’t want kids… then I moved in. It was so plain that she didn’t like the entire idea of me, and what I did to their life. It was awful. I hope this lady figures it out before she hurts those kids

[@ga6257]

She's definitely not the one for this guy. She's just not meant for kids. She misses her old life. It's ok.

[@bigpicturethinking5620]

This would be a great call for single moms who are wondering why it’s hard to get a commitment from a new man. It doesn’t tell the whole story but to hear the words from a woman might help them understand.

[@nicolab2075]

I don't think that's a real issue? Anyone who has kids knows EXACTLY how demanding they are!!! The problem here seems to be that she just didn't want kids...

[@victorias5272]

@@nicolab2075 I kind of agree with OP. It’s easier for single dads with part time custody to date, because with most custody arrangements, they’re only on duty 4 days a month (every other weekend). Many people are willing to sacrifice that. Jumping into a situation that you know is going to be full time makes a lot of people hesitant.

[@nicolab2075]

@@victorias5272 Could be 😊

[@Ka_Gg]

@@victorias5272 I think you missed the OPs point.

[@victorias5272]

@@Ka_Gg that was my interpretation. I’m open to hearing yours.

[@beefcakesensei]

I feel like if she leaves, she will really be struggling with the guilt of abandoning her husband in his time of need. What is even the point in making wedding vows if you toss them out the window as soon as something difficult happens? This whole situation is sad, I hope they work through it

[@cutehumor]

for better or for worse...

[@aileencrane7700]

Agreed. Her lack of commitment is pretty gross.

[@eurekahope5310]

If she leaves, I hope all men steer clear of her because she has proven herself ready to bolt in less than a year when something predictable crushed her idea of wedded bliss. And, yes, I would say the same thing about any man who bolted with a custody shift. Maybe she can date again when she and future boyfriend are too old to have and abandon children.

[@christinebutler7630]

She don't sign up for married life, she signed up for permanent dating. She's too young to be married.

[@kaycon4823]

@@christinebutler7630 nailed it 👍

[@crystalrene801]

She's being honest and I wish more people were like that. Instead of pretending.

[@PaolaHuezo]

I dated a guy with 3 kids, multiple BMs and I was okay with the lifestyle change. It made me realize I wanted to be a mother because I love living and caring for other people but he used me so much financially, I couldn’t allow myself to be taken advantage anymore so I had to walk away. It was hard because of the kids because I know they loved being at our home because it was peaceful and no drama (both moms house was full of other kids with other men) but being in my 20s with no kids and my stuff together, I knew I had to walk away, learn how to value myself so I can be with someone who deserves me & treats me right, someone I could build my own family with. I’m 29 now & my now boyfriend has no kids and respects and loves me the way I know I deserve. We been together for a year now and talk about making our own little family all the time. Took me to get sober to realize my worth and it was an ugly transition but now I am living the life I always dreamed of. Don’t force yourself into imagining some fairytale, follow your gut, and create that reality.

[@thistleskeptic]

She sounds like I would expect a 24 year old to sound like. She marries a man who is significantly older and has already gone through having a wife and kids and is now reliving his younger days as a younger man with fewer responsibilities. She assumed that nothing would happen to the kids mom (shortsighted but understandable) and is now dunked into taking care of kids she was never attached to who she hardly knows and did not raise herself. I'd feel the same way. Even more understandable if she never wanted to have kids herself. She needs to leave now if she isn't interested or she will reset those kids who are already emotionally damaged and will have "mommy issues"

[@sunshinemoon7075]

Where is the father? He needs to be there for his kids. I’m happy to help. Not parent.

[@elainenilsson5472]

This is how women are treated. She is EXPECTED to give up her life. Six, seven years down the road she goes to pick them up from school and they aren't there. Ooops, Mom is back in the picture. She soon realizes she's been played. These aren't her kids. 20 years down the road and he finds himself in need of a new supply and the best working years of her life are gone. Oh that's just too bad. Better get a job at Walmart. WAKE UP!!

[@asadianbelifont3875]

She married a dude knowing full well he had kids. No one forced this upon her and common sense tells you she always knew this was a possibility. If something happened to the mom God forbid it would be the same situation. When you marry you take those vows, period. It's 100% on her

[@elainenilsson5472]

@@asadianbelifont3875 Maybe it was a possibility but not probable. No you don't take THOSE vows. That is NOT her kid unless she adopts it. And even then the kid would do what she does, not vice versa.

[@elainenilsson5472]

@@asadianbelifont3875 Yet, now you want to FORCE her to take care of someone elses kids. Nope.

[@shanandananscoo]

Damn straight.

[@shanandananscoo]

@@asadianbelifont3875 why do people keep saying /$3 knew he had kids? He had zero custody and the kids were 3,000 miles away

[@Sandra8675SecondLife]

Not fair to the stepmother. I do not like the direction John is taking this talk. It sounds like the stepmother never expected to be taking the kids full time. Then something unexpected happened to the biological mother. The stepmother is only 2 months into a new marriage. She needs to get out and not let people sell her on the fact that this is simply the way it is. It is not simply the way it is. And she is not being selfish because those kids were not meant to be living with her full time especially after 2 months and with issues brought over from the biological mother. What a mess & so unfortunate for the stepmothers life to get shifted so quick from the way she thought it would go.

[@k.popper2620]

I agree as a 58-year-old woman with a huge amount of regret about life mistakes I made when I was younger my advice to her would be to get out now.

[@woodsandcreek7589]

No matter what, EVERYTHING will fall in the caller's lap.

[@russellmallory8960]

These are the kind of situations I think about when people say 'drugs are a victimless crime.'

[@kiki11974]

She should bail now. You can’t go from not wanting to be bothered with kids to caring for two kids that aren’t yours. It’s on,y 6 months in, not too late. She’s young and needs to find someone who meets what she is looking for.

[@Weakeyedominant]

Yeah it sounds like she got married before she was ready for it. Hope they didnt spend to much on the wedding. It's weird her circumstance changed so much after marriage.

[@AllIAm1]

Agreed she needs to run fast

[@jet4415]

@@Weakeyedominant Planned....

[@njkg1520]

Being a step-parent is hard. No one wakes up and dreams about a being a step-parent as a calling in life. I have compassion for her because unless you’re a step-parent and have experienced the reality and implications it has, it’s no small nor easy thing. To this woman, if you can step back and gain some clarity and take time to take care of yourself, surround yourself with other step-mamas to support you, you will feel peace. Spending time in and out of court, and attorneys fees, and dealing with an ex - no one wants to do this. However, in time, once the dust settles, this season in / out of court will pass. Sadly, even though the children aren’t legally yours, you will be brought and dragged through court because you’re a part of their lives and live in the home-my heart goes out to you.

[@kimberlyl2622]

Those poor kids! However this is dad’s problem! He’s dumping the load on his new wife. And making her responsible for his children. This is primarily his responsibility and it sounds like he has dumped it on her.

[@melloyello7349]

I don’t think she’s selfish as much as short sighted. she had an idea for her life and now it’s shot to ish through factors mostly beyond her control now. Maybe he was a little disingenuous if he didn’t disclose the problems of the mother. If you’re with a partner who has children, who do you think gets them if the custodial parent becomes indisposed for whatever reason? You were already part time parent on standby and didn’t even realize it. Added to that the mental health stressors on his part I can see why she’s so overwhelmed.

[@katherinebarrett3882]

I think a large part of is being 24. Your perspective is so limited at that age because you have less life experience.

[@sherriew36]

i agree. she was very short-sighted...24 with no kids should date someone with NO KIds if you want to avoid risk.

[@bibsp3556]

Maybe, she was long sighted and her husband kids have fucked up what was going to plan. Kids will destroy your lifestyle. End of story. You just gotta decide whether you had dreams worth pursuing more than another skinbag

[@dillonmerchant4056]

“You married a guy with 2 kids and now the guy with 2 kids has, 2 kids” Well said, John. Girl needs to get real, but it’s not the norm to accept responsibility nowadays.

[@marycarricaburu3683]

How does she get real? If she stays feeling like she does, the kids will absorb her resentment. I think Daddy needs to step up and take the kids to counseling, stop all the outside activities, give this young woman some "me" time. You can go camping with children, I did it, but Daddy needs to do the planning and implementing. It sounds to me like he got the kids, handed them over to her and he goes about his normal life and leaves her with 2 damaged little ones. I was a Foster Parent and kids like these two can be hard to handle, especially for someone who never wanted kids. He should have never married her.

[@marycarricaburu3683]

@Uncle Cid You have a very good point. If I didn't want kids, I would not have married him. Sometimes, we sure can fool ourselves can't we.

[@littleripper312]

That wasn't the deal though. The kids weren't living with them when she signed up. I would say this is a fair reason to back out but if she chooses to stay with this new arrangement she needs to be 100% on board.

[@elainenilsson5472]

No, she married a guy who's wife was taking care of two kids. Now he is taking care of 2 kids. Translation: Now SHE is taking care of two kids. I didn't hear anywhere in that conversation that HE was taking them to soccer practice.

[@neededtobesaid4275]

@Uncle Cid correct, it's HER responsibility to make smart decisions. She never considered that she'd end up being a full-time mom. No need to stick with a mistake just to make everyone else happy. The smart decision for HER life is to walk away. If she chooses to stay then they need counseling to figure things out.

[@samanthasmiles9112]

If this man was an involved parent, she would have figured this out long ago. She had no clue that her husband was an absentee father and that a man with two kids SHOULDN'T be able to live the free life that they have been living. No wonder this was a shock to her system. 2 kids being placed on a 24 year olds shoulders is a LOT in itself. However, most women get a good idea of the parenting life before they get married. This is not what she agreed too and this man, quiet frankly, should have known better. She thought it was totally normal for a man to have two kids and do whatever the hell he wants. Girl, thats not normal. And now the step Dad is gone. The mom is on drugs. And I am guessing her husband is clinging onto her for desperate help because he has no idea what to do, either. Girl, this is not your mess. But please.... do not get with any man who has less than 50/50 custody with their children. That is a red flag in itself.

[@lifewithlulu1183]

I kinda agree with a lot of the comments. For one, this was not talked about before the marriage? Like, “You got two kids, what would happen if the biological mother is out of the game?” These things people need to talk about before they marry. Second, the husband did make it seem like life would be mostly away from the kids and then it seems like when the biological mother couldn’t handle it anymore, the whole full custody decision was one-sided. Either he didn’t give her much of a choice or she didn’t stick up for herself. She needs to tell him what she need. She doesn’t have to be out of the marriage but she can not go to every court meeting with him. She can go out with her girlfriends. She has no obligation to be mom. She can just be a nice auntie. Let men bear the consequences of their mistakes.

[@silverarrowtarot]

i remember what i was emotionally ready for at 20 freakin 4 years old. I was a BABY. I think its SAD but also pretty fair for her to feel like the rug was ripped out from under her. There was really no way to predict that she would become a full time mom overnight. We can call her selfish but I think it's a little unfair. No one has that much foresight at 24. I certainly didn't. We all make choices we cant know the full consequences of at 20 or 56. I feel for the kids the most, but there BIO mom and dad are ultimately responsible for the stablity and safety of THEIR DECISION to have kids.

[@BellaLu26]

i agree. it's really not what she signed up for. and yes she is culpable in that she didn't communicate that before the marriage and neither did he. thats on both of them. she's not awful at all. she's just young and naive

[@marybetheby5184]

Told a close friend getting involved with a guy who had young kids.."You're probably gonna end up hating his kids.."That's exactly what happened.🤣

[@Sssmokin420]

🙋🏽‍♀️

[@classy4ever63]

I have a hard time believing, within six months someone suddenly became a drug addict and there was drug overdose. I am wondering if her husband withheld info from her in the dating stage...

[@msthang5366]

She’s 14 years older than the eldest child.. Give her a break

[@lydia6372]

Having kids is not a fairytale. It takes hard work, sweat, and tears. The caller is so young and she went from living this fantasy honeymoon period to being thrown into real-life. If that's not a wake up call I don't know what is. Usually the female (not always) culturally takes on caretaker role which are tedious and exhausting. Making lunches, taking them to appointments, extra curricular activities, wake up/ bedtime routines, making dinner / cleaning. I can see how it can be a resentful situation especially when you feel you are doing more than your fair share and other person is not.

[@bbydoll1222]

I would leave. Find a man who doesn’t have PTSD , 2 kids and a drug addicted family. She’s too young to give her youth away to some man with a bunch of baggage. Yes it’s a sad situation but it’s not her job to swoop in and pick up the pieces.

[@bbydoll1222]

I’m still watching this video and I wish I could be her friend. I don’t like how he’s trying to make her feel bad or silly for not wanting to be in this situation. Men do it all the time, they won’t want to marry women who already have children.

[@k.popper2620]

Amen

[@Gatoconbotas1134]

She signed to be a step mother with half custody, not to be a full time mom! And where is the accountability for their actual mom?

[@Sara-sq3bj]

Exactly

[@forgingstrength6119]

Where's the accountability of the Dad? He should be shouldering everything she's doing. Her role should be more like an aunt/uncle role.

[@pinkrose8845]

John totally messed up on the way he advised this young woman. Hope she had the courage to stand up for herself and pursue a life she deserves.

[@k.popper2620]

TOTALLY AGREE 💯