How do you say "NO" to your kids?

[@christianmetalpwns]

I grew up "poor" and my mom would tell me "we can't buy it" , and that was that. I would get mad but no meant no.

[@alyssam8977]

Exactly. And once you are at a certain age you gotta start working and paying for your own stuff!(snacks as a teen. Bills/rent as an adult, etc) This kid probably never had to spend a penny of his own before..

[@craigslistoceanside8677]

My parents enable my loser brother. He’s 40. Lives with them. Has no job. It has put such a strain on my relationship with my parents because he’s an elephant in the room and I feel like poaching.

[@jayhillz3705]

Incógnito Said 😆

[@stevenbell4059]

@SILLY BUBBY69 Maybe after 40 years of doing it you do.

[@Jaxmusicgal23]

My hubby’s mom is doing that to his middle brother and attempted with him and he rejected it and so did younger sister… She wont stop and father in law wont step up and stop it. Its been a decade now and she wont stop and complains at how awful her life is when she goes on vacay all the time, and cant seem out how she feel miserable. She also seems to think she is the model mother I need to follow!!! My mom was uber controlling, hubby’s mom is uber enabling….. i rest in the middle!! If we mention the son at home is an issue for her mind and heart, she yells and tells us not to mention it ever!

[@RaymondDawson-v2w]

Gail sounds like a real passive aggressive DOORMAT bitching about her scumbag lazy son while bragging how good she is. She and her wimpy betamale husband SPOILED this SOB POS. That's why he's such a POS . Also she's not sweet, she's an excuse making KAREN. Son is a bum cause Mommy bails him out.

[@ninedux]

When I was a child, I always thought grown-ups had everything together and were intelligent about all things. Boy did they prove me wrong FAST.

[@logicbombs5490]

its kids raising kids

[@craigslistoceanside8677]

ninedux don’t grow up. It’s a trap.

[@carribeangyalamybell1148]

Lol 😂😂😂

[@turtleanton6539]

Indeed 😊

[@Angela-Renae]

It took some time, but I have mastered the art of saying NO!!!

[@maryfields1382]

Can't remember where I heard it this: "My job as a parent is to raise my kids to be able to live without me."

[@wandahaines7143]

Nothing compares to the feeling watching your child succeed on their own.

[@Jaxmusicgal23]

Yes!!!! I dont understand my parents’ generation wanting to raise us to be perpetual children and get mad when we wont carry that onto our kids. I want mine to face the world as ready as possible and equipped to face the future. Not mock them for be kept children and watch them fail and run home to me because they didn’t have a clue. How sadistic is it to do that to a child?’ Then blame us and our generation when we stumble into everything unprepared and called us babies just out of diapers. If one more boomer says that to me while I turn 40 this year….ugh! I know we can’t fully be ready for what life has for you but let’s at least have them leaving knowing how to run their lives with chores, finances, wise spouse picking, taxes and a sense of what is and is not. Lets push them out of the nest ready to fly.

[@donnajones9006]

My granddaughter and her baby just moved out after 7 months of living with us. So happy she moved out! I love her but it just did not work. Dave you are exactly right! We enabled her not helped her. Kids these days are so unable to cope. I was a single mom for 9 years and she can do this!

[@bretmariewitt7456]

This call has made me cry so hard because I'm this caller. My son is 19 still not finished school and no job. I will say he is very respectful and works around the house and does what ever I ask for chores. But I have so much guilt for all the terrible things that happened to us in the past. But I haft to do the right thing for him. It's time to be the best mom I could ever be. I haft to love him the right way.

[@rebelliousman9448]

Momma's these days KEEP SONS INFANTILE...... Men pull up their OWN BOOTS..... get him out of the house NOW!

[@King-mk9vi]

rebellious man thank you

[@user-dh7qu1yj4h]

When he wanted a job at 15 she probably said no to that because she was anxious, kept him from spreading his wings and now she's paying the price

[@annwallace9537]

Soooooo true!

[@plumeria66]

Women treat their kids like companions and want their love and approval. Single fathers actually raise responsible children compared to single moms.

[@turtleanton6539]

​@@plumeria66yes😊

[@readingthroughhistor]

Dave gives such straightforward, helpful advice. When he's done, it always seems like common sense. He would make a great psychiatrist.

[@leilanidru7506]

Reading Through History absolutely not. I wouldn’t recommend someone with his mannerisms and temperament be in the metal health field. He should stick to being a financial guru.

[@JW-ip1yk]

Leilani Dru why would you recommend that? Because he tells people what they need and deserve to hear?

[@johnathanAearly]

Thanks Dave, I am battling with getting my Family to understand this very concept. I will take all that I have learned from Financial Peace, and apply it to my life. The Sins of my father will no be passed on to my children. God Bless you and this Ministry.

[@stephy8429]

I hear myself in this caller. Excellent advice Dave, I am going to read the book you suggested.

[@shanescatsandcannabisfarm2965]

Its terrible advice!!!

[@ashanticrawford6033]

This mom needs to think of if her kid was a 4 year old and he only wants to eat ice cream. Her giving in and allowing him to eat ice cream breakfast, lunch, and dinner is tantamount to abuse and neglect. Put it into an extreme perspective like that and maybe it will help with the guilt.

[@inthebeginningwasthewordsp9274]

Yes! I am an enabler. I needed this.

[@3and1properties]

Dave is right on!

[@jasonk8793]

In these situations Dave never tends to mention that there's a core of selfishness and giving in to these other people because it's uncomfortable to deal with their pleading. So enablers put their own happiness and comfort before what's healthy for the other person. People say I'm being too nice no you're being selfish

[@camaro6813]

Thank you Dave Ramsey. I needed every word of this.

[@patriciaensey3923]

Many thanks to you for your common sense , and your wisdom . You are a strong support and encouragement.

[@heatherjohnson5612]

I totally understand this caller. I KNOW that Dave is right. HOW do we stop helping them? It's a horrible feeling to think of your child homeless😥

[@buffymcmuffin5361]

It's the child's choice sometimes.

[@mimime5376]

Heather Johnson I could never deny my grandchild!

[@chriswalker7895]

Heather Johnson grow up. They aren't children, they are adults. This is just one of the negative consequences of dad not being a permanent fixture. We dont feel as bad hurting kids to teach long term lessons.

[@cindybonem2412]

Heather Johnson stop thinking of him as a child. He is your adult son! Adult. Do you think he’s stupid? Incapable? You are the problem, you stunted his growth. Very calmly tell him you can’t help him anymore, explain how you have hurt him. He is an adult not a child, but he has to learn a child’s lesson as an adult, because of you. All of this I have been through with my mother in law, please stop!

[@cindybonem2412]

So what if he is homeless, he’s an adult man! He can get a job any time he wants and provide for himself and his family anytime he wants to, (if his mommy lets him). Go on a mission trip, help children that really need help. How long do you think he’ll live in his car? It’s pretty cramped in there. When the pain of homelessness out weighs the discomfort of adulthood, he will change.

[@jimroscovius]

I don't understand rotten kids like this. My kids are 31 and 27, and they work, live on their own, and never beg for money.

[@mjparham6430]

Mine know better They would get the Side eye so fast!👀😳

[@inammahboob6885]

poor parenting and enabling

[@jimroscovius]

@@mjparham6430 My daughter always said she hated "the look". That's all it took.

[@ashanticrawford6033]

I hope this kid isn't one that kills the parents because he feels so entitled. 🙁

[@joycebrower8822]

Thank you, Dave! This is me and I so needed this! I appreciate your understanding and on target advice.

[@Naturalbeautytoo]

The problem is if God forbid, what will he do when his parents are gone? I have a sibling who has not grown up. He is 40. My mother raied both his daughters ( assisted one mom and literally raised the other daughter). I keep saying he isn't any good to himself or any woman stipid enough to date him.

[@Ryan-ts3py]

Well said sir. Thanks so much for providing a real definition of love and of help for the sweetest people in the world.

[@broaddusmarines]

This Mom wasted Dave’s time as well as her own. Everything Dave said, her response is “I know that” and then tries to justify her enabling. The thing is that I doubt she’s gonna change.

[@craigslistoceanside8677]

Anthony Broaddus sometimes you need to be TOLD what our already know. Also, I wonder what in the world she was expecting him to say.

[@heatherjohnson5612]

and this is very common. It's definitely not just this caller and me in the world. Some people are just in denial. I know and SHE knows but that still doesn't stop it from hurting

[@jimroscovius]

It hurts more to harm them.

[@just_guess_]

Did she just say she cosigned for a $50,000 car when her son has a history of not wanting to keep a job?

[@LioraLand1]

Sell that sucker ASAP out from under him. If she really wants him to have a car buy him a 2000 junker he can insure etc

[@ruthirwin8222]

Yep thats what she said

[@turtleanton6539]

Ouch😮

[@venessatalbert4602]

Preach it Dave! Preach it!

[@craigslistoceanside8677]

My kids will be getting jobs when they are old enough to get a work permit. Depending on the state, as young as 15. Summer camp counselor, babysitting, lifeguarding, retail or hospitality flexible hours while theyre in community college for the first two years or in trade school, or in the Officers program for a branch in the military during college.

[@alicelaybourne1620]

She is not going to change. Well, hope springs eternal, but the number of excuses and “I know” suggest that she is more interested in complaining. Love Dave’s advice, Though

[@mjparham6430]

This is called bad parenting you can't love thier way to independence.

[@acajudi100]

Help, if they are trying to work etc.,set a limit and stop giving! you are right Dave!

[@AbagailNormale]

Dave; I've just seen myself, Thanks.

[@miko8832]

I I totally understand this caller I'm going through this exact same thing

[@heatherjohnson5612]

Thanks Dave I am DEFINITELY getting this book❤️

[@stew7479]

Selfish mother. She "helps" her son because it makes her feel better at the expense of his maturing and respect for her husband's wishes. This is about her feeling better, not helping her son become a man. Typical enabler.

[@roxannegordon6162]

Maybe if an adult child has a family crises and will be moving BACK HOME if the parents don't bale them out of apartment rent, is the reason why the parent pays that bill this time. But not every time. I never gave my adult kids money until that happen this year, 2019.

[@thefoodwench4848]

This is so true. My husband is like this and I’ve had to lay the law down. No more white knighting.

[@SnookOnTheFly]

Bingo

[@turtleanton6539]

Yes😊😊😊🎉

[@RaymondDawson-v2w]

She's a typical self righteous self important stupid KAREN BS artist . Her sorry beta male punk of a son is worthless POS because she help make him the useless parasite he is. No Fault is not a sweet person. She is a passive aggressive ENABLER caring only about her feelings. All she had to do was just say NO.

[@canyoncrow11]

Tell them NO spells no and that is it.

[@normabarros3124]

Thank you Jesus for hearing this I'm in this situation

[@erodz2943]

This is not new....The mother been enabling him for a long time. NOW, she's wants to stop.

[@veedubmatt]

Well said, Dave! Well said.

[@rebelliousman9448]

At 24 I was already managing a multi-miooion dollar business, completed my 1st Degree without debt and paid for it all without MOMMA.... bought my own cars, house ALL. MEN NEED to PULL UP THEIR OWN BOOTS Baby!

[@NSGLiv]

rebellious man can you give a job lol

[@ID2011]

Gold star for you

[@arravYT]

nice, I started my business at 21 and at 25 now im making close to 500k a year. Watching Dave Ramsey is entertaining lol.

[@hollyhocks7360]

It’s painful to not help someone you love. It hurts!

[@Kidsinamerica]

SO MANY PARENTS - should not have EVER had children. The financial burdens, the inflexibility to pursue career opportunities elsewhere, the stress, the terrible-parenting and the consequences of that terrible parenting....glad to see so MANY younger people learning from the bad examples set by older folks and not marrying or having children.

[@ag49521]

This is really great advise. I recently started this with my 10 year old. At least I still have time.

[@austinwhite1268]

Dave Ramsey is a genius about money

[@roxannegordon6162]

My daughter and her husband rents an apartment they can't afford.I knew they couldn't when they told me they needed money for the security deposit. AFTER THEY SIGNED ON THE DOTTED LINE. I was furious. It's been a year now and they keep asking me for money so they can pay the rent on time. I asked the daughter when her lease was up because she needs to find another place to live that she can afford. She can't afford anything, she doesn't work and only keeps a job a couple of weeks, then quits. it's tough being a princess. I don't give her money anymore, but will toss a grocery card to her on occasion. I have no idea where this young lady will end up living. It's easy for Dave to tell us how to fix a problem but he would never see his kids in a homeless shelter or in a part of town that requires bars on the windows. I think that's where my daughter is going to end up. Not every 'kid' is going to change just because their parents yell at them, stop giving money, or ask them to read the book. I gave my daughter Total Money Makeover. She hasn't read it yet.........

[@SwimminWitDaFishies]

Next time your ungrateful adult child complains and tries to get you to keep your ATM open, tell them you are NOT being mean for shutting off the cash, you are just defining the limits of your support!

[@jt3877]

I'm more concerned about the grandchild--with a shiftless father, the son learns to be helpless too. Let's pray that he's changed to a better man.

[@ralph15085]

THE POWER OF NO!!!!!

[@MsLucky443]

This is so true! Stop spoiling your kids! Stop bulling in-laws! Many people have no common sense.

[@carolinadocarmo3783]

YEEEEEEEEEEEES. I mean “NOOOOO!” Haha I love this

[@sunflowerzelda45]

Thank you Needed to hear this today. Will it ever get easy to say no?

[@mjbarbaraconstantestremera5509]

I read that book, it's AWESOME

[@jmonte5896]

sad thing is she probably would give him money for drugs so he wouldn't steal it and wind up in jail

[@SnookOnTheFly]

I never understand why people are so afraid of this word. Especially after knowing how it builds character. Parents are afraid to parent anymore in the name of being a buddy.

[@theanniewoo2891]

Motherhood can be one long guilt trip🤨

[@drunclecookie216]

I said "no" to my kids by having a vasectomy before they were ever conceived LOL

[@automedic9781]

Trinder3467 vasectomies can be reversed. A woman tying her tubes can not however

[@automedic9781]

Trinder3467 My wife wants me to do it after we have kids but I hate the idea of it. I guess we’ll see in 10+ years what we end up with haha

[@Jeff-xy7fv]

@Trinder3467 Why would anyone even want to bring kids into this world, the way it is today?

[@bryanjacobs1423]

What if your parents had made that decision? You wouldn't exist.

[@bryanjacobs1423]

@@Jeff-xy7fv If the world is not worth living in, why are you still choosing to live in it? You know life is worth living because you choose to live everyday.

[@ronaprescott4007]

Just say no. What happens when you are not around? It's hard for women to say no but you gotta just say no. In life you don't and will not always get your way.

[@MsLucky443]

Great info. For many people.

[@hollyb6885]

The only thing I would add is, I’d be sure to tell the son ahead of time that she won’t help him if he calls again.

[@ParentingforConnection]

Great points on how to say no!

[@irenecampbell6053]

Really great advice!!! Thank you!

[@tugboat2030]

Caller: "I need some help dealing with my 24 year old. I'm always giving him money." Dave: "When you give him money you're hurting him." Caller: "Mmhm"

[@QueenBeeBeautyXO]

My daughter always asks me for money. When I was her age,and a single mom,I worked and paid all my bills and made less than her.She's 29 has 3 kids and uses them saying they need milk and diapers and food,then I feel guilty if I don't lend it to her. I make her pay it back,but it's a fight,like she's entitled to it. She had a baby at 14,then at 15,then at 26.She did have 4 kids,but my first granddaughter passed away. I supported her and the kids because she couldn't get welfare until she was 18. I was a divorced single mom,her dad contributed nothing. She snuck out of the house while I was asleep.I tried locking her in her room at night,and she called cps on me.I almost got thrown in jail because she wasn't going to school. I would drop her off at school and watch her go in,but she still left. When I tell her she shouldn't have had so many kids,she says,well,their already here.I also put her in a catholic group home while she was pregnant so she could finish school and learn how to take care of a baby. Her cousin picked her up one day and said she could live with her which lasted about a week,then they wouldn't take her back,so she was back home with me.What can I do when she says she needs money for the kids and makes me feel guilty about it?

[@bhat_ysrael]

QueenBee Bargains ... First of all, give if you have it to give. Don't loan her any money, because it will cause you major stress and eventual sickness to argue with her to get your money back. ... In regards to the grandkids, buys the specific items for them, like milk, etc, ONLY if you can afford too. If you can't afford to then invite the grandchildren to your house for a sleepover and a movie on a Friday or Saturday night for some bonding time with grandma.

[@fatalbertgeis2516]

Just say no. She's a big girl. She can do it. She made choices and needs to live with the consequenses. I have 5 kids, struggled and overcame, and so can she. When you give her anything, you reward her bad behavior. Your job is to be a ggod grandma when they visit. Period. If she's a danger to her kids, fight for custody or call CPS. THE END

[@americanbobtail1]

She needs help from both social workers and mental health professionals. What is her diagnosis from a psychiatrist not a psychologist.

[@kayjeffs3741]

How do you say no to your kids????? That's easy..."No".

[@riverdaletales8457]

Exactly it's all about making your kids listen and respecting you and loving you all that starts the day your child is born .

[@gigi8528]

Beware parents who think that parenting is over after their kid turns 18! How are you supposed to enjoy your life if you have to help raise grandkids? Glad I’m remaining childfree. This life isn’t for me.

[@AtticTapes14]

Well how old r u

[@catherinecarella2928]

Dave is describing my son. He's 30. But, there's mental health issues and drugs complicating things.

[@jasonk8793]

Enablers are not people who are too nice. she said she helps her son so she won't feel guilty. That part is very selfish and I don't know why Dave doesn't address that

[@Blizzard14ub]

easy NO! but young adults need training from age 14. to make their own decisions in life. yes you can still council them after all they are still living in your home, but you have to talk to them in a way that they make the right decision. it worked out for me. graduated year 12 in high school, got a full time job and now she is the office manager after 4 years work, pays her own way pays board. you don't have to be hard you just have to talk! and listen!

[@heatherjohnson5612]

Do you suggest BOUNDARIES with kids or just the BOUNDARIES in general? Just searched it on Amazon. Just curious to which he Dave Is referring too❤️

[@Ig86]

That's right, Dave Ramsey!

[@sagrammyfour]

Don't give money--buy diapers, formula and condoms.

[@auntyuber5127]

Not even that.

[@plumeria66]

Why is it always the mother who enables her children? Get a backbone. My mom never coddled us. She always told us, “What are you afraid of? Go out and do it!”

[@samuelharvey5796]

Start when you potty change them.

[@laststop3h]

I am dealing with this some ways. Dating a woman who has 3 adult siblings (37,23,21), partially supported by her mom's boyfriend and they still come asking my gf for money. I am afraid to marry her for this reason because if her mom and her moms bf split up, guess who they'll come looking to take over the role of "bill payer"?

[@gene8172]

Marry her yet move far, far away from the crazies.

[@alaskalograft]

Ruuuuun Forest!!!

[@tmusa2002]

My mom WOULD have enabled me but I refused (thankfully)!!

[@Rudthxxxx]

Lady, grow a spine. Cut off your phone at night. You are working. Don't take his personal calls.

[@logalogalog]

Dr. Thomas Stanley calls this "economic outpatient care"

[@KTSpeedruns]

"We did not budget for that."

[@cindybonem2412]

Whoever is the caller in this video, listen to Dave! You, are hurting your son! I am married to a man like your son, always running back to his mommy (whom I begged to not give him money) for financial help, she must think he is stupid, and can’t figure out life on his own because she is always saving him. STOP IT!! Not only are you stopping your son from growing and developing you are hurting his wife or future wife and kids! STOP IT! My mother in law is the sweetest person. She’s great! I love her but, she has done more to damage my marriage than my husband and I have done. You might be thinking, I’ll stop giving him money when he gets his “ducks in a row” (her favorite saying) but he never will if you keep saving him! He doesn’t know how to save himself because you never let him fall. You stunted his growth! He should have learned these lessons when he was five! Now it will be much harder for him and more painful, just the opposite of what you wanted for him. The truth is you don’t want him to grow up you want him to be your sweet little baby. Stop it! If you don’t you’ll be 85 still giving him money, ask me how I know, 35 years of marriage to a man like your son and a mother in law like you. I love my husband he is a good man, and we’re going to Financial Peace University, things are changing for us, finally! It’s a shame she never saw him at his full potential as a man. Please stop hurting him! Let him have his little fits (mine did and he lived through it). He will be fine, I promise.❤️

[@janetcross2797]

Just say no

[@sagrammyfour]

How does he get to work? He needs a car to get to work. Well, no job, so he doesn't need a car. Problem solved!

[@momthatdoesstuff1610]

Or take the bus...

[@CeeLiberty]

Children should learn to hear NO more than they hear yes.

[@s1234pro]

I need a CD of this to send to my ex! How do I get one? Serious.

[@Blizzard14ub]

sounds like bad parenting to me! at 14 my daughter was given young adult training. that's where they decide what is wrong or right. not me! I would advise her, but what she did with her life was in her hands at 14. if you baby your child until they are an adult, then what happens when they get their first credit card or car loan? they fail badly. my kid pays her own way. and she knows how to handle money and how its made,

[@assassincreed2087]

Tell them hell no

[@1960genius]

Amen Donna

[@ColetteV]

Sorry Dave, you waste your time. That mother will not change, she "knows", but she won't stop.

[@kareno6222]

This call could have been from me 😔

[@aldelgado9343]

my son is studying in a local public university, now he wants to go to a neighbor city to attend another university, what should i tell him?, we live on an income, if he goes its gonna cost me double

[@tripleekitchen...6676]

Tell him you can't afford it, if he really want to go,he'll have to get a job and pay his way through university.

[@askhowiknow5527]

Lol the answer is “very loudly lol”

[@moviemaker85]

it took 2/3 of the video to get to, but.... single mother when he was born. there's your problem right there.

[@n.w.414]

And there is no way he deserved a $40,000 car. Sell it, get your name off the loan and tell him to take the bus.

[@maryrichardson6029]

Keep laughing lady. He will be there until forty years, plus. She does not 'get it's. I tell him All the time. She still doesn't get it. Now she'll "take care of the baby".

[@Libratarot]

How to get a grandparent to quick enabling a grandson?

[@johnnyrichmond8359]

Dave can I please get a book boundaries

[@MeanOldLady]

Often and with clarity so they don't grow up to be spoiled, entitled brats.

[@eldamar86]

He will use the child as bait to give him money... she wont be able to stop giving it to him because of her grandchild. He will restrict her access to the baby and use it as leverage. She doesnt sound like she is convinced.

[@marisolcarmona3497]

What if your kid is 32 and esquizofrenic? I'm tired

[@EzMDr]

Does this mean Dave doesnt help his daughter? I am sure thats not the case.

[@chrisstaub5880]

There's nothing in what Dave said that implies he wouldn't help his children. He never said not to help your children if they need it. He said don't encourage lazy, irresponsible, or stupid behavior. That's the point of what he said about having the wrong definition of "help".

[@Hagg506]

Let me help you with that

[@territ.5357]

N.O. spells No!

[@astrothsknot]

at first I was like if she doesn't give the son money for the grandchild it would go without, then I thought, she can just ask what it needs and buy the milk or food or clothes herself.