How Do You Shut Down Self-Hating Voices?

[@eastalawest1633]

I wish you were my therapist.

[@dianemorrell9638]

Yes!! Daniel is by far the best analyst that I've ever had with that irrepressible rebellious wisdom. Walking with fire at one's ankles doesn't describe any therapist I've ever had :)

[@nicholasburch2122]

self therapy is within our grasp

[@akacicaa]

​@@nicholasburch2122yup, his videos are a kind of model of self-theraphy. And completely free

[@FantasmaOlvidado1]

Yeap

[@Thatsbannanas-d8c]

He’s someone I could attach too.

[@madebyreuben3402]

Same, my family couldn't tolerate a happy exhuberant male full of life force, because of trauma from sexual assault on the family, but when I found out why, I just kept telling myself it's not my shit

[@malabrinetica]

Ur engagement rate is crazy, over 25%, good on you! You're a true healer /artist. I love your videos and you have helped me a lot getting out of a place of seemingly no escape. I'm so grateful for your "no bullcrap" attitude, Mr. Daniel!

[@dmackler58]

Thanks "This Order." Much appreciated. Hmm, though, I have no idea what engagement rate is. How do I find that for my channel? I never heard of it.

[@malabrinetica]

@@dmackler58 yeah, go to yt analytics and you'll find it there! I just count the percentage in my head from views on the video and likes on the video - the golden ratio is from 8-10%

[@dmackler58]

@@malabrinetica Much appreciated -- this is new to me. I do find it interesting. Warm hello! Daniel

[@AthenaPapadatou]

Daniel, thank you so much for these videos. What you describe is exactly what I am going through. My anxiety caused by the self-critical voices at times seems unbearable. I procrastinate a lot and then these voices get louder, I kind of freeze and after realizing that, I try to process all this stuff. It is comforting to hear your experience. Even though I suffer (grieving), I know I am on the right path, my self-healing and growing journey, a journey towards a more congruent self. A true self that won't be the hidden prisoner of the inner critic to avoid being criticized by others (defense originating from childhood).

[@gingerisevil02]

I think what you're describing is also jealousy. People who feel inadequate and superior feel threatened when someone can say or do something better than them. Shaming and put downs is designed to get you to stop.They do not want you to outshine them. I don't want my abusers to win, but the self hating voices are so loud and it registers logically, but not emotionally. How does it transfer to your emotions? I find the emotions unbearable, to the point I avoid things I use to love like art work because of the bad feelings, but now I have bad feelings cause I am not doing what I use to love.

[@sloaneglover1026]

These parts of others we have internalized? We can thank them and release them. They are ancestral burdens, and in a sense do not belong to us.

[@dianemorrell9638]

Yes those squatters never belonged here - Be Gone :)

[@scottbartel8163]

After quite a substantial breakdown I had an increase in sensitivity and negative voices. I found reflecting that the thoughts or voices are not me very helpful they don't belong to me. The buddhist concept of not self i find worth reflecting on. Thanks again Daniel.

[@sylviashapiro7593]

Dear Daniel, I always listen to your videos and also commend you on your openness and honesty. I too am a certified social worker who was a therapist for many years but couldn't continue because I had my own grief work to do about childhood trauma. And the grief work goes on forever and the self criticism inner voice goes on forever. It does get a little less as time goes on, but our DNA and childhood trauma is basically everlasting, no matter how good the outside looks. Daniel, you are a brilliant charismatic man, with a brilliant ability to express yourself. I am always amazed by how perfect your words are for everything you want to do; deliver a very important message and articulate it in the best way possible. Of course you're sensitive to it's outcome because you are telling the truth about the nature of life in the most awful sense. We come into this world entirely without our permission and have no choice but to live with it until the day we die. We can only process it and grieve it over and over again. But because it's such an unpopular concept, we find ourselves alone in that respect. It's not the conventional stereotypical thing to say and to talk about and you find that you are a party of one. Your friends don't want to consider this notion of childhood trauma and the need to grieve and even break away from parents if need be. Please keep on putting out your videos; they are lifesavers as most of your audience tells you.

[@pod9363]

Do you think Daniel is not telling the truth or in error when he says he has healed the majority of his traumas?

[@Loanica]

This video made me tear up because I can relate to your story so much and am compassionate towards what you have gone through. You don't deserve anything that happened to you that made you think so low of yourself. You are a fantastic man. Thank you, Daniel, for being here and sharing your story, and giving us therapy sessions.

[@1life744]

Be the observer, observe but don't attach. On the brink of death I became the observer.

[@NOT_SURE..]

ive always been led to believe that we ' absorb' everything in the first 6-7 years then at age 7 we start projecting out into the world , so what your self image is or self esteem is at 7 will be there for life, (it might even get worse) , i got to 45 years old and i thought this is crazy, it doesnt apply anymore, so i scrubbed out that 7 year old 'image; of me and reapplied my self esteem as an adult . the most powerful thing i did at the time was to imagine the adult me going off to find the infant me....i found the tiny me sitting on a log in the woods looking at insects, marvelling at nature, feeling abandoned by family. so the adult me took him by the hand and said 'im here now and Im not going anywhere , together we can face anything' it helped me grow up, and feel complete and ready to tackle anything....my family now hate me even more because its really hard for them to project their sh*t onto me , and i dont get drawn into their petty ego driven arguments.

[@cheslinscheepers2547]

I left my family. I respect your comment. It's so unfair how the years we can't control affect our life projection. I am doing the same type of healing.

[@NOT_SURE..]

@@cheslinscheepers2547 They will never change, they will get worse, in the end it got so bad i had to walk away and i wrote to them and told them why . mum died a few months ago and i didnt even miss a heart beat. i dont know if you're into psychology books but there is one called a new primal scream by Dr arthur janov, it explains it all.

[@cheslinscheepers2547]

@@NOT_SURE.. I will defs have a look at that book.

[@bobostyle1996]

Wow, this was beautiful to read. Have a great one, be strong!

[@NOT_SURE..]

thank you@@bobostyle1996

[@jessesapolski8649]

I often feel overwhelmed at the amount of grieving and healing that I need to do. It's good to watch your videos and hear you talk about those struggles and know that I'm not alone in this process. Thanks for sharing your thoughts Daniel

[@miaduana]

The voices are filled with fear. They are in desperate need of belonging and getting things right. You're right, they are colonizers as in they have invaded territory that isn't theirs. The ability to judge, discern and analyze is essential but when it is inflamed it becomes critical, judgemental and punitive to anything and anyone. The self included. Essentially we are mirroring our parents' inner critics.

[@tribalkoala]

True, at it’s root, my critic pressures me to become a more lovable person in fear of disconnection.

[@laurar.2866]

Thank you again for another great video, Daniel. It's so true that the grieving washes away the inner critic voice.

[@yuliaantonenkovolkova9041]

Daniel, I'm healing while listening to you. Every word you say resonates in me and my experience 🙏🙏🙏

[@NightinGal89]

Hugs, I understand where you are coming from.

[@sorrowheart8732]

I have told myself that people hate me because i'm showing them where i'm right and they are wrong and they can't handle the light of truth. But i have come to see that perhaps it is my energetic attempt to dominate them with my "rightness" that makes them hate me.

[@tessyong7596]

The world NEEDS your voice.

[@MAJ167]

Thank you so much for your videos. After a failed marriage and basically coming to a standstill in graduate school from self doubt. You are helping me realize what I needed and actually knew all along; to know myself is the way. I have been unhappy my whole life and all the medication and therapy hasn't touched this. Thank you

[@Buritsu]

Thank you Daniel for being so raw and honest

[@59Disciple]

Excellent , I’m an older person now, and it’s so sad how we are molded into self hating beings and so innocent of this crime against ourselves yet we spend a lifetime so unknowingly continuing in the damage, I’m 63 spent 10 yrs in therapy but really I had to come to this knowledge kind of all of a sudden in my sixties and I realize I must be in there someplace the thing that is disturbing is it is a part of me a ugly cruel empty part that was put there by parents and grown ups as a child, You have to wonder who you are or perhaps who you could of been.

[@marmarha497]

Daniel thank you. I think you are a wonderful pscychotgerapist by nature and profession. The kind that’s much needed.

[@varshneydevansh]

I blame myself for all the events that happened, and still blame myself for the things that will happen if I come close to anyone wrong. Going to watch this completely.

[@bastian6173]

Daniel, you are 100% on the right path. I think life is about help others (as you do) and about self transcendence and that only works through deep grieving. That is the only way towards liberation. Thanks for being you.

[@tribalkoala]

Wow, that was so inspiring, open and vulnerable, how brave of you to share your inner process with us Daniel, thank you! It's really eye opening and enlightening to hear about the feeling of control in being the one to self-critic instead of our parents, and why it's used as a tool to shut down our real selves to fit in and not go under oppression by the unhealthy society and family systems. I do this often in order to avoid others being hard on me and so I do it myself, sometimes for taking back power, sometimes in the name of realism. The ways to cope like drugs, alcohol, romance, workaholism never works for me, too, the times in between are just awful, and I can't escape and deny reality 24/7. I wonder if it's even possible to become so insensitive towards the hateful world and societal norms and become so loving, open, real, vulnerable, a forest as described beautifully, there's a lot of critics towards being open as being rude or being self-caring to be selfish, to be helpful of others as being naive and dumb, being elegant as being a stuck-up or being vulnerable as being weak. All nice attributes have been terrorized by labeling and capitalism, in other centuries people helped out each other, even when there was a neighbour who was paralysed, people used to help them out without any expectation of a return. These days I feel doing good just for the sake of it is even critiqued and harshly evaluated as being in loss like an accountant is supposed to count every move, interaction and humanly act in the name of equality and justice. The waves of grieving sometimes giving a sense of self-acceptance and relief sound wonderful and motivating to grieve over the lost and torn parts of me, yet I have way to go to find myself of some importance to be sad over the losses and injustices that happened to me, and quickly start thinking who am I to judge anyone or get sad for, me sometimes being not so just and caring towards others, as well due to inability or sometimes just for not wanting to being occupied with my own pains and worries... Thank you again Daniel, I can't even be this open in a private journal setting, how mature, evolved and open of you to share with us your insights and experiences to help out just for the sake of helping us all 🥰💓

[@amandatenney3028]

Interesting points. What gets me is how often, the very people whose critical voices we take in, and the very people who encourage that self-critic through behavior, often act like they never did it and tell you you're too hard on yourself or get after you for being "your worst critic." I got that a lot. They noticed I was hard on myself (my critics) and they would push it on me while also telling me not to be so hard on myself, often in the exact same situation at the exact same time. Boy does that get under my skin. And while these cognitive-hhavioral therapists and life coaches try to help you "shut down" your inner critic, their strategies often don't work. Thanks for giving this a different approach. I never really "hated" myself, but I did internalize the so-called disciplinarians in my life and I was hard on myself, hoping it'd stop them being so hard on me. Not sure it actually worked though, 'cause then, everyone just acted like I was dramatizing. But even when I was younger, I still did recognize that when the critical voices came up, 90% of the time probably, they did not sound like me; they sounded like the adults in my life. I knew it was their voices criticizing me, not actually me. But even then, didn't know what to do about it, and everyone I asked either suggested I'd toughen up and "stop taking everything so dang personally" or distract myself: "try thinking positive" or "keeping yourself busy." Such advice just made me feel more alienated. The struggle is real.

[@Johannastairwellstudio]

I can relate to your comments

[@chaz7604]

I’ve been doing this for many years now and even more intensely into the rage / anger stage in the last two years and shifting slowly from that now again. It’s been so intense and extreme and I did this all innately and continued to despite what people thought or said or the consequences that were made by drive for this. Never felt more understood and validated in my experiences of knowing this was the only way through for me at each stage… without better understanding or support. Only came across your channel a few days ago. Feel like I’ve found a kindred soul and a community of them. ❤

[@devave]

Hi Daniel, thank you again for one more video which I deeply resonate with! And this is coming so synchronic. Right in these days, grieving the loss of one my dearest friends, a very rare, amazing being I was able to connect with, and he was a safe harbor for my cptsd and very harsh inner criticism, I was always feeling so safe, heard and seen with him... He was the best! And in these hours it's very difficult to process this transition, plus I have no community, some of the few friends I have are trying to change my desperation into something else... My friend was the only one who was accepting me like I was, when I was shining and when I was a mess, when I was saying wise stuff, when I was totally illogic... I miss him so much!!!! Now struggling to feel safe and accepted in any friendship relationship, I keep my own exploration of my Self, like you did and are doing, in the Nature, with animals, alone most of the times, keeping it simple, and trying to love myself the most I can... I really need to do this, my dear friend was always pointing out my bright sides, even when I was feeling like crap, but he was not doing that in an avoidance/bypassing manner, I was feeling very clear he was embracing the whole of me, and then tenderly showing me some of the ways that worked for him... I was very lucky to have him in my Life!!! (and today a sweet, very young friend wrote me: "he was very lucky to have you in his life!" and I started crying, and I realized that I could have never thought that, not for 1 minute!) So, well... here's to grieving, as I'm grieving for my beloved friend, and I feel Im also grieving for so much more (childhood trauma, abuse, and so many losses)... and it really feels like you said, like washing away... it also feels like ice melting, isn't it? Thank you Daniel... With all my heart...

[@thepdw]

I've noticed these sorts of voices crop up more when I haven't been taking care of my gut, eating too much or the wrong thing and there's a feedback loop created of rumination and suffering.

[@leighsanders8825]

Daniel, while I agree and recognize everything you covered in your experiences progressing through and beyond self-depricating and hateful inner thoughts, I have a little of my own process to add. At some point, I recognized that not only had I learned to imprint the language being spoken about me on my inner dialogue, I had to replace it something that wasn't artificial ego lifting. At first, I would stop and notice what negative language I was directing at myself and scold myself for it! I found it embarrassing to realize I was abusing myself for abusing myself! Then, I moved on to just noticing without judgement and being curious about it. I realized a lot of the intent was towards correction self improvement and the only way I had learned to do that as a child was repeating to myself the language of my parents towards me, each other and pretty much the world. So I now appreciate intent of wanting a better person and improvement. That is the need I was trying to protect when my mind said I wasn't good enough. My immature mind only knew who to "motivate" with self hate. So I honor the intent, not the hate, and learn to hold deeper, kinder, more compassionate conversations with myself. I appreciate the grieving process so much more than I ever have. It has helped move beyond chronic depression and anxiety into a new exploratory process of appreciating the mystery of each present moment. Thank you, Daniel, your honesty and courage has helped in my journey more than you can know.

[@tribalkoala]

I like your way of calling inner critic with the intent of improvement, although it sometimes doesn’t work since I feel pressured by myself and protest with noncompliance, what language in particular works for you best if you don’t mind me asking :)

[@leighsanders8825]

@@tribalkoala First I thank the part that feels compelled to self hatred. It is trying to tell me something and I must open up and be curious without judging. Sometimes I look at myself as some other person who has been washed in a life time of self abuse caused by abuse. I just take a moment to empathize. When I recognize I am worth caring about as I might anyone else, it helps. What in my disappointment can be viewed as a positive challenge? Maybe that is as simple as recognizing I can grow in that moment and forgive myself for all the negative conditioning. We have all experienced negative conditioning in more or less degrees. I find that kindness to one's self is key to self care. As a former care giver I always tried to remember that I can't take care of anyone else if I don't take care of myself first. But it was only through a truly compassionate grieving process that I found how necessary it is to growth and authenticity. I think somehow that by just sitting with the inner part that says these things and letting it know that I love the intent behind it (disappointment or frustration that I can't be perfect or for instance), I have experienced less of it over time. I don't demand anything of it. What kind of language do I use? I use the silence of a good listener and the loving reassurance of a nurturing and patient caregiver. BTW, I am 64 and it has taken my entire life to have a loving relationship with my own inner being. People like Daniel can help so many others like me get there so much faster. The cool thing is, it feels like just the beginning and so worth the journey. Acceptance has taught me that I can only let go of what I let be in the first place. I accepted the idea of ultimate doom, was able to let it be and so allowed renewal by no longer clinging to it. Now I can move forward in a post doom mindset with a clear goal to be as healthy as I can for myself and the world around me. That does not include beating myself up any longer (and if I do, I provide a loving sit down intervention with me, myself and I). Everyone has their own way. Thank you for being curious and exploring. You are on a wonderful journey only you can take and I wish you the very best!

[@tribalkoala]

@@leighsanders8825 thank you so much for the further explanation, it makes a lot of sense to me to thank, stay quiet and replace the roots of self improvement with a desire to do the healthiest thing instead of other things like approval if I’m understanding right. I have so much work to do and need to find the courage to grieve over my losses. I’m really happy you are at a stage where the inner critic is coming up less, I wish the best for you!!! Thank you so much for your kindness and nice wishes 🙏🏻✨💖

[@marktw9882]

Another great video, Danny boy! Can you do one about overbearing/overly strict parents and the effect that it has on the child? Thanks.

[@taniabeltre5104]

I used to be a really outgoing, bubbly, happy kid. My mom completely killed me back then, I'm still working on those voices in my head

[@eleonoraslovokhotova1752]

Daniel, I thought you recent father/daughter video was one of the best ones. Honest, brave, experience and knowledge based. Thank you for You🤗

[@whitehorse3828]

Daniel- You have helped me SO MUCH talking about your own experiences....most others only talk about what's wrong with us and don't share their personal traumatic experiences, but go on to tell us how to heal ours....my "parents sexually, emotionally and physically traumatized me starting at age 3....I am 66 now and still on the healing path...I was relieved, not sad AT ALL when they finally died. You are much appreciated Dan! This is Satan's world of insanity and child sacrifice since the beginning of time!

[@wendyd3438]

Sometimes your inner critic just needs a hug. But that thing is miserable

[@pstewart6537]

I like your approach, which is somewhat off the beaten path toward healing. It's liberating to hear your unique outlook. Thank you so much for presenting these videos and having the courage to share your story.

[@riniks112]

Now that I have overcome disassociation(not sure if this term fits) When I go out in public I very acutely feel what's beneath my fake confidence mask. Major anxiety just telling me that I am not good enough to be in the presence of others. That I for sure am not qualified to be taken as human. That I'm at best laughing stock. At worst I worry I am contributing to making the day of others for the worst. I'm trying to be otherwise polite but I avoid eye contact where it would be feel natural. I know if the person that I'm "doing this to" is secure in him self won't be affected but I sort of imagine how my earlier self would feel in his place that adds to the self hatred. With my previous self confidence mask(let's say) I was unconsciously looking for confirmation that I'm good enough. Acting natural but very scared that this person will confirm my fears which would prevent me to ever get closer. Even writing this I feel some kind of self sadism in me being satisfied. "look how much of a victim I am" I don't know, maybe someone can relate. (hope not)

[@gingerisevil02]

Damn, I was just ruminating about this last night. Thanks for this.

[@cheslinscheepers2547]

Daniel you are a legend and one of the best, if not the best psychologist out there. 🎉 I am so happy I watch a good couple of your video's while busy healing it has certainly accelerated my healing journey. I honestly think you would make a great parent.

[@katekate8092]

I have self hating voices but I have rumination, OCD. mine has nothing to do with my parents, or anything they have done to me. I just can't shut down the constant self talk in my head.

[@floridalife215]

Just good to know, I'm not alone. It's brutal at times.

[@pillowhappy]

wow. this is one of the most moving videos i've seen. daniel. you are such and example for me. i am "coming back to myself again and again" each and every time the hateful voices try to squelch my true essence. i will never give up. i don't think anyone (and boy have i searched!) has ever spoke so clearly about this self hating voice like you did here. we CAN move past it and still thrive. thank you so much.

[@MIDLEMANDJ]

Thanks for helping us explore these parts of our selves. ❤❤❤

[@Belihoney]

I relate to this video so much! Thank you for sharing

[@tessyong7596]

Thank you so much for being courageous, so~~ vulnerable and sharing YOUR VOICE.

[@mike110111]

I love this so much. Thank you

[@carmendeleito1012]

Me ha gustado mucho oír este vídeo justo hoy! Mil gracias Daniel por tu generosa honestidad.

[@dmackler58]

De nada Carmen! Saludos desde Nueva York :)

[@heather-vs9qe]

Yes wish you was my therapist as well. ❤

[@scottbartel8163]

Thankyou Daniel.

[@Gypsywandering400]

I completely relate to this. My process to address the internal critic is pretty much the same. Thanks for the supportive validation. I find that’s exactly what your videos provide - supportive validation on the self-healing path. 🙏🏽

[@pullya66]

Daniel you are awesome, thanks a lot

[@cesarmorales1201]

Daniel, I really like your channel, you talk aboutso many topics that few of us dare to speak with someone else. Thanks for you work.

[@Vision.Target.Shoot1]

For years I wrote Scripture starting with I AM I AM ONLY STRONG AND VERY COURAGEOUS I AM THE HEAD AND NOT THE TAIL I AM ABOVE AND NOT BENEATH I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO STRENGTHENETH ME And the negative thoights would come and attack but the words would be too powerful. I had a BUT which was But God. Now I am healing after realising i have emotions that i had blocked out I found myself and I have just started this week really talking to myself in a calm normal way

[@SD-rm5ty]

I'm realizing I need to make a conscious effort to find more people like you. 🙏❤ Someone like you would be my tribe, I think where I'm going I will.

[@davidcawrowl3865]

In CEU conferences, I was happy to see that more gentle approaches in therapy are being brought up and incorporated. Therapy itself can become more direct and hardened over time, so this is welcome.

[@pod9363]

I’m trying to parse out the evolutionary benefit of a self-critical voice. It’s such a hard thing to figure out how to grieve it seems, at least for me. You can say it’s there to put a hand out in front of us to keep us from walking into an oncoming metaphorical car, but that doesn’t seems to “click” for me. I buy it, but it doesn’t explain what it’s protecting us from. From your videos a sorta “formula” I’ve gathered is that recurring issues as Molyneux put it “are not problems, but solutions to bigger problems”. So this means our dissociative behaviors are not only there to help us avoid feeling certain things, but can be reverse engineered to help guide us to what they’re guarding against. So from this I’m putting together that the critic isn’t directly showing up when we do something that can get us rejected/attacked in the moment. It shows up in *response* to the *feelings* that erupt from our current situation tapping into the situation(s) that created the need for the critic long ago. So in short, the critic isn’t fighting us, it’s fighting the un-grieved emotions that are surging up in the background. Or maybe, the critic is preemptively doing its thing so the emotions don’t even have a chance of surfacing. Additionally (to maybe better understand the “preemptive strike”): A similar approach is needed by a violent egotistical person’s unconscious because that *specific* trauma (being humiliated and assaulted) is so powerful beyond the others that even 1% of it coming to the surface is unbearable. Then it would make sense for the dissociation (being aggressive to others, ego tripping) to kick in before the emotional pain rather than in response. Prevention vs cure? You don’t gotta respond to these obviously, but maybe some of these thoughts can help you if they make sense. I know you say it’s one of the last traumas you’re trying to figure out how to grieve.

[@OhBianka]

What a wonderful insightful video, the way you express your throughts is amazing and I learn so much, thank you, thank you, thank you! ☺️

[@rogersanderson9574]

Thank you for sharing your story❤

[@barbaramurray4951]

Daniel, some day you should consider moving toward the world you , and, I and many of the others responding to you, found so mean. Yes, tell the rest of the world if you can, what you are telling all of us here, lucky people that we are. Thank you so much for letting me know that I have never really been all alone.

[@pastry111]

I need to know your opinion on modern day spirituality. Would love to hear your thoughts on that ✨

[@sojournerkarunatruth4406]

A Critique on Spirituality | Daniel Mackler kzbin.info/aero/PLRHLaIzKomTiZuQQwJDHpbQ8XiYQ7yFrN

[@pastry111]

@@sojournerkarunatruth4406 thank youuuu :)))

[@graceomalley4]

Thanks. Lovely

[@NanoB1802]

It becomes crazy when people look at you a certain type of way when you talk about the true awful state of this world. At some point I thought I was crazy. Thank you for being open and honest.

[@siyaindagulag.]

Your critics aren't quite there yet. They're still somewhat ignorant ,though so sure of themselves. How could that work ? Keep at it man , your work is real, very real.

[@jessicabardin3094]

Great videos!

[@alexxx4434]

A true revolutionary!

[@nabilc1667]

Thanks for making this video Daniel, could you make a critique video of Social Anxiety Disorder??

[@BEYOUTOTHEFUL]

YES I LOVE YOUR HONESTY AND ARE SEEING THIS RIGHTLY. XO ANGELA

[@riodejaneiro7675]

A few ways: #1) Love yourself. You cannot talk trash to someone you love. See yourself and all you do and love and praise yourself honestly. In the mirror, out loud works best. Louise Hay style: "I love you, (your name), I love you, and I approve of you and all your decisions." #2) realize who is talking and tell them that they are no longer in charge here, I am! And I will never leave myself and I love myself and always will love myself and be there for myself. #3) Tell that voice not to talk to her/him that way. Tell that voice to leave her/him alone, that she/he is doing a fine job and that voice would first have to do better to have a right to speak at all, and even then, we only want to hear the encouraging, helpful input she/he deserves. Take charge of your life and mind. It is yours! And you are worth loving! Always. ❤

[@TheToastwithTheAbsoluteMost]

Teal Swan taught me how to integrate self hating voices, by seeing them as me as a child, and really listening and seeing her. Letting her express whatever she needs, validating her, and eventually when he’s ready, allowing her to integrate with myself. Understanding that these voices aren’t truly yours is key. Mackler has similar processes

[@Honeyiroseupfromthedead]

"My parents disgusted me for being alive" 😭 unbearable to hear and experience.

[@JENNY0CEAN]

I REALLY needed this

[@juliehumphreys173]

You are so honest Daniel! We live in a mean world. “If you think there’s something wrong with you maybe you are surrounded by assholes?” Einstein did not say that. Nor did Freud. But it’s a good rule to keep in mind.

[@Maaraujo7]

Needed this thx

[@Melissa0774]

Does it always come from the parents? When a person actually has good relationships with their parents, where else can it come from?

[@macaronienshiis]

Somewhere along the line whether it was your parents or not you were wounded. You need some deep diving to figure out where it’s coming from.

[@katekate8092]

no, everything doesn't always come from your parents

[@makrisaudio5638]

This might not be you but a lot of people who think they had great parents or perfect families haven't unpacked and really inspected their family dynamic and experience

[@bernadettebockis4120]

My heart to you. Have you ever listened to the videos of Ram Dass?

[@DilfuzaKHaydarova-e1p]

Thank you so much ❤

[@pennyc7064]

Great video, a topic I was thing about today. Why do I have self hating comments to myself after I've complemented or given some positive feed back to someone. I said to myself I should not have said that, and I'm the one feeling uncomfortable after giving the complements. Does this uncomfortable feeling have anything to do with the relationship I had with my parents?

[@pod9363]

Is it possible self-hating voices help us avoid empathizing with ourselves, and thereby stave off grieving? Cause if grieving is empathizing with ourselves and acknowledging what happened to us in order to create the circumstances that lead to decisions, then one tool the unconscious would have is to focus on bad things we've done without historical context. Cause if we're busy being overwhelmed and attacking ourselves about this and that, at least we're not undergoing the monumentally larger destabilization of grieving.

[@Johannastairwellstudio]

Excellent point

[@CompassionIsPower]

Beautiful video!

[@muhamadfaisal5073]

daniel can you make a video about people pleaser, golden child , being too nice

[@dmackler58]

It’s a good idea, thank you. It might just take me a while though, sorry about that!

[@edwardstrivelli6465]

Thank you!!

[@mamuhacheva]

This is very familiar, I understand.

[@sharrose7594]

Phenomenal

[@gratefultemple]

Just wrote a letter to my narcissistic older sister today that I didn't send ...where I explained to her that her voice is in my head as my inner critic👯(we're on the same wavelength Daniel)🛀and then I did a bunch of self care❤

[@NOT_SURE..]

what right does your sister have to critisize you ? or tell you what to do ? i have the same problem and its coming to a point where i am gonna have to tell them to FO

[@gratefultemple]

Zero rights, but in my case, she is 15 years older. I moved away, years ago to avoid her, so it is a rare interaction, but always difficult. When I was little, she babysat/bullied me, but once I was able to leave the situation, I was out. It is better, but forming relationships is challenging for me, and loneliness is a thing, and my inner critic has 'her voice', so it is a struggle. I also watch Crappy Childhood Fairy, and her daily writing exercise has helped to "purge" the emotional weight of it all. And I've pretty much gotten to the place where Jesus is my only person ...so I'm living towards my spiritual life, rather than focusing on the world.

[@NOT_SURE..]

@@gratefultemple a lot of people put geographical distance between themselves and family to prevent this constant belittling, i moved away 20 years ago and its been great , went no contact last year but then got really ill and had the chance of a flat 10 miles away from family. but i only have afew months to live so i can put up with them for abit more, i know i am the adult and my mother is the child. i dont know if you read much but there is a book called 'a new primal scream' by arthur janov which explains ALL of this dysfunctional family drama and why it starts. you (and me) shouldnt torture ourselves with ANY sort of inner critisism, ...as bob marley said Im not perfectand i dont pretend to be , but before you point the finger at me you had better make sure your hands are clean.

[@gratefultemple]

@@NOT_SURE.. wait ...what? Few months to live why bestie? Are you on IG?

[@NOT_SURE..]

@@gratefultemple yootube keeps deleting my reply to you

[@collie8]

batter said: your parents reflected this ugly world. Two of a billion. We are all one, unless you run away from civilization... which was very common in ancient China for old Tao scholars.

[@heather-vs9qe]

I am just crying😢😢😢 thank you..a few weeks ago l been sucide, at 3 pm I'm the night l am low..

[@darren93575]

I had a very traumatic childhood and many decades later I still have the dark and self-hating thoughts/voices from that period of my life. The thing is, they don't affect me that much anymore. They don't make me do things or want to do things. I don't really believe them or attach any veracity to them. But they are there nonetheless. There isn't a day when I don't think those thoughts. I have just come to accept that they are literally, physically, part of my brain now -- as in there's a deeply embedded neuron in my brain for each of these thoughts -- and no amount of grieving or processing will get rid of them. I do have a fantasy though, that one day, the technology that was used in the movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind to (literally) snip away memories will be real, and I'll be able to clip these neurons away from my brain (and mind) forever.

[@heather-vs9qe]

No the negative voice, follow into the bedroom. So you cannot sleep😢

[@bastian6173]

Great video!

[@Vision.Target.Shoot1]

Hi I was thinking the first step is to realise its not Ok and dont justify it

[@KeerthanaR22]

ugly side of the world and parents liking that world,, its that simple!!!! well said!!

[@heather-vs9qe]

It's hard to shut the voices down..x

[@rainbeau9752]

i can’t sleep oh god can you help me

[@59Disciple]

Daniel , Do you believe that if your severely traumatized at a age of like 4 ,that you are stunted emotionally forever, I have been told that this is the case by two very experienced therapist , kind of hard to swallow, I’m stopped emotionally at age 4. , I kind of can see it the damage , I have read help books and seen therapist and I think it may be the case , I’m 63 just retired and looking back , I did so much to heal but , I just can’t feel safe and still get triggered unless I am fully ready for the stressful event , but I still get trembling hands and dizzy , It’s seems I need to resign myself and except that this damage can only be recognized but not truly healed the really horrible thing is , I never became a mature me but I did become a self aware me but not a fair trade off , I don’t buy into I’m a better self evolved person , I know the damage is done and I never got to be what I wish I could be, I’m a successful person by society standard but I don’t message up emotionally inside the hidden me , Sorry guys for long comment , It’s 3am and couldn’t sleep.

[@sinesolesoleo5474]

Just read your comment and it makes me sad and angry that those therapists told you this. Maybe experience means 'knowledge out of date' too in this case: I'm not an expert but it's easy to find reliable scientific articles about the human brain being much more flexible than previously thought. I'm about your age too and I can relate very much to this issue. What helped me is a switch to a cultural way of expressing my feelings (in my case by drawing and painting, but it could be many other directions like music, literature, ...). Besides the videos by Daniel I also found Jay Reid very helpful. He also recommends some easy somatic experience exercises that helped me become more friendly towards myself. Please don't give up the change process.

[@Johannastairwellstudio]

I can relate. I have self awareness of why l am not healed but feel so easily deregulated and depressed from observing my life situation and a sense that l haven’t self actualised at all It’s hard at times.

[@alexxx4434]

I also have realized that all the safe-hating comes down from the parents.

[@clvkforessaycollege190]

Just had an idea… if all of Daniel‘s followers and Daniel live in a city then our city will be the healthiest rating healthiest, mentally in the world

[@LeviRedrook]

Daniel, are you familiar with Internal Family Systems therapy?

[@SparklesPancake]

More grieving.

[@rosary6521]

Where can i watch the video you mentioned about mild sexual abuse of daughters by fathers? Please let me know i feel like i went through something like that. Please please reply if you see this I'm so lost and alone and confused

[@dmackler58]

Hi Rosary, I'm sorry to say, but I took down that video some time back. It was getting too many very negative comments, and I found it overwhelming... I thought of turning off comments, but just decided to lower my stress by taking it down entirely. Maybe I'll have the courage to put it back up at some point!!! Meanwhile, I am wishing you the best, Daniel

[@rosary6521]

@@dmackler58 thank you for the reply Daniel. I totally understand. Recently i uncovered some memories from my childhood and i think I come from a very enmeshed family. Do you know any books/resources that talks about it?

[@lisadsignstyle8218]

It was justice or the closest you could get to it.