How Generational and Early Life Trauma Shape Our Lives

www.scienceandnonduality.com/
With Scott Kiloby, Richard Miller, Mark Wolynn and Ajaya Sommers; facilitated by Julie Yau.
Along with distorting our fundamental view about the world, and the emergence of trau- matic symptoms, unresolved trauma limits our capacity to be fully present; our potential and capacity for real love and intimacy are blocked, as is the ability to feel the intrinsic aliveness, vibrancy, and joy of our being. The lifelong impact of these traumas is largely misunderstood. The panel will highlight some of the significant elements of trauma, whether experienced early in life or inherited epigenetically, that shape our lives; how trauma may continue to affect the lives of our family; and possibilities for healing. Please join us for what promises to be a rich and moving conversation.

[@bakkersprincess]

You know - one of the most wonderful discoveries I made regarding feelings like anger, grief, joy, was that the feelings were appropriate for the experience I was having. This sense that the feeling was probably appropriate eased my way into feeling friendly towards my feelings. This friendliness enabled me to assess how appropriate/or not the feeling was in the moment - it happens very quickly for me now - and I can then connect with most everything under the feeling and even let the person with me know that they are not the cause of what I am feeling. Just that they helped to bring it to my consciousness and ultimately another release of old trauma. I had a lot of guidance from various therapists, retreats and an innate spiritual intelligence to get to this place. I am so grateful. Listening to your panel reaffirmed my awareness and like a good recipe - I will use this knowledge again and again. Thank you for sharing your insight.

[@margaret539]

Wonderful to hear such deep compassion from this panel and to know that this knowledge is becoming more readily available to the many people who have been severely traumatized.

[@gloriaoelman761]

This was wonderful. The deep compassion of all the panelists shone through. Scott Kiloby's telling of his own story was particularly moving and insightful. Thanks for sharing.

[@padmathesacredlotus5215]

Thank you very much for this video. I experienced many different traumas as a child and eventually got removed from my parents to move to foster homes, even though I did not have a good time with my parents living around drug abuse, the thing that crushed me the most was being taken away from them, this for me was a soul destroying experience. Some foster homes were bad and others were good, but I still suffered severely on a daily basis in the best foster home, even though the good foster parents treated me great, I still questioned every day and night why I could not live in a normal family like other kids, all I wanted in life was to be returned to my parents and this need for them crushed me. I have suffered with different problems like anger issues and severe depression since I was a young teenager. I also have a huge problem with feeling unloved and always have, when I was with my ex who I loved I always used to tell her that I could not believe that she loved me, it's just hard for me to feel like people have or do love me. I was also very destructive in that relationship and treated her badly which I highly regret to this day. A lot of the things, basically all of the things mentioned in this video I related too. One thing that I am extremely pissed of with right now is, my blood family who never actually cared because caring is something you show, now have the cheek and tremendous ignorance to blame me for my problems and issues. Last year I heard a family member speaking about me and one stated "It's no ones fault" about my mental health issues. This boiled my blood, how can someone be so damn highly ignorant that they state they know what has damaged another person in their reality, no one exists within my own reality apart from me and everyone's reality is relative to themselves. You have to be seriously ignorant to judge what you know nothing of, actually, that is said to be the highest form of ignorance. That is like me giving an opinion on rocket science when I know nothing of it. I am actually sick and tired of peoples ignorance, I class my self better than no one, but lately I am beginning to notice that the people around me are highly ignorant and unwise. I already fully understood the damage that trauma causes from an early age because I personally experienced many traumas and did research into psychology and child psychology years ago when I was severely depressed. Also, when I last went into a psychiatric ward I had a meeting with the head psychiatrist of the hospital and explained to him everything that I went through and experienced as a child, and do you know what his response was? "You have turned out very well considering the things that you went through". I am very pissed of at my family and all of these ignorant people who blame me for going of course in life. As you have stated and so has psychology for a long time: children that have bad broken childhoods become messed up and broken, therefore it's solely the parents fault. If parents bring a child into the world and their lack of love, compassion and caring destroys that child with trauma, then in no circumstances is it that child's fault or the mentally unstable adult that child becomes. Blaming the child or the adult it becomes is the equivalent of someone punching their TV until it breaks and then blaming the TV when it's broken and does not function correctly, and the main issue its not functioning correctly is because of the people blaming it, that is obviously a metaphorical explanation but you get the picture. Around 4 years ago I found spirituality and everything that ever felt missing from my life felt replaced and I was beginning to heal from my past...I became happy and felt the love of God but things went very bad and are still in a bad situation. I am very saddened because I had the opportunity to become whole again, find the love I was always looking for, follow the spiritual path to enlightenment and help all of humanity in the process. All of this chance to heal has been crushed and I am now going through more severe trauma at this age, a grown man. I am not joking here, but since the moment I entered this world it has been constant suffering, I was doomed to fail before being born because of the life I was born into. I just want to follow the spiritual path, love, be loved by God and help humanity but the people that are destroying my life right now are completely ignorant and do not understand that the issues that I had in the past were created by the lack of love and stability from my parents. I actually don't have enough fingers to count all the traumas I experienced, and not little things either. I cannot take peoples damn ignorance any more, it's easy enough for ignorant people to be on the outside looking in pointing the finger, casting judgement with their derogatory comments. People need to wake up and understand that every single persons reality is personal and relative to themselves, therefore no one can truly know anything about another's reality or perception. Damn I needed to get that out!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[@crismeloearth]

I suggest you get cool notebooks...sketchbooks...and begin writing...write everything you feel...show nobody...that's just for you. Burn it, rip it, bury it, whatever you need to get those emotions out of you. I believe you will change in how you see all of it and it begins with you writing so you can separate what's you from what's somebody else's emotions. You don't have to change anyone's opinions. You don't have to fight or convince anyone about your story or how you feel. Just go through your process but your goal should be to cleanse, not to hold onto this stuff. You wan to lighten up your existence s you will need to let go, transform, re-write that story many times. Write...it works...It looks as if you like to write. Try writing by hand, not a device. Good luck to you! I believe all of that has made you a more resilient person than most. Maybe try to see the silver lining in everything............ when you are past expressing the anger and the sadness and the grief you feel. offer yourself all that you have missed....

[@crismeloearth]

Have you asked your ex to forgive you? That could free you a whole lot.

[@reg8297]

Padma The Sacred Lotus So so exactly true those who experienced normality usually have no respect for those of us who went thru he'll instead were fukin blamed as if we choose entire experience of our own accord fukin idiots

[@walkinginlight3951]

Don't care about what others think. What matters is what you think and believe. We are all imperfect. Don't expect people to know what you feel or think. Just love people, don't judge them, even if they judge you. Try to understand their motives to do something that hurts you. Show love and you will receive love back.

[@OakleyANDSittingBull]

@Padma, The Sacred Lotus, Hear! HEAR!!! I wish you good health and understanding, supportive, trustworthy, loyal, loving folk enter and remain in your life for the remainder of your life! :)

[@Aluminata]

Eventually this understanding will permeate the collective conscious with an understanding that criminals - the evilest, most vile of humanity - do not "deserve" the judgement and punishment so ingrained in our hearts and minds. It seems so right- so just. But this mind set, its self, is also one of generational "merging". Understanding does not erase these mind sets. We all feel the need to judge and punish - We even judge and desire to punish our cars and laptops when they misbehave -but these feelings have, at their base, deep seated superstitions. They have no basis in reality. Hard as it may be to make the mental switch - primarily these people are in desperate need of compassion and respect. This is what will return these people, where possible, to productive integrated lives.

[@alllifematters]

Ralph Latham yes, exactly...but once we have met our basic needs we can choose whether we want to evolve or whether we want to stay on the karmic wheel repeating history over again... we can choose to be better, to be our best selves, to be connected to our higher minds and paths... and it will happen the question is when? probably by the end if this century we will be in a much different space than we are now. every generation is more liberal than the last...

[@CalumnMcAulay]

Actually i disagree - we cannot tolerate out of control people who are a threat to those who are innocent.

[@GoldenHawk441]

superb panel sharing divine wisdom of our day - thank you.

[@analezaa6306]

Thank you so much for the work you do and the knowledge you share. I share much of this as I'm learning, with others since i believe these traumas are holding so many people back from a healthy, happy we deserve.

[@crismeloearth]

What a wonderful presentation! Loved everyone here and will seek more about each person. But I respond really well to what Scott Kiloby expresses...the concept of undoing one little part at a time.

[@reg8297]

My hole life was destroyed as result óg childhood abuse from a parent who's own life was destroyed so hard to find understanding of what happened and compassion when ones life was ruined as a result

[@tobsternater]

this is really interesting....it's just so spoken through gentleness that I feel like sleeping listening to it!!!!

[@johnpatterson6448]

A really good, down to earth, lightly moderated discussion. I will listen to it at least one more time. Densely packed with insights from all five participants. Thank you.

[@fabd-tv]

Very helpful comments from Scott about anger. However at 53:23 I think it's very important to note for those who are yet to undertake therapy... and are of the same character he describes... that you did not repress anger to make peace. For many of us anger was repressed as a child TO SURVIVE. TO STAY ALIVE. That is very different. As an adult you forgot. As a child you didn't know, there was no context. And often times, there was no escape. Expressing resistance could have meant beating, abuse, or more neglect. You did it to SURVIVE. YOur body did it in fact, so don't beat yourself over it. Later in life, yes, you take on this role of the "peacekeeper" or the one who helps eveyrbody (but himself). Seeing the patterns of that character is useful, but understand you did everything that you could have done. No child should EVER have to feel unsafe in their own home. Sadly that's what many of us have had to go through. So coming back to what he said then yes, that's where I seem to be at now. Feeling the normal, "healthy aggression" as it's called, seems threatening. Precisely because as a child, this sensation was noted by the mind as something that could bring more abuse. But the symbolic mind doesn't know anything and it gets in the way of healing. And so you start living a life where you repress your own nature, your own voice, heck, your own LIFE. What Scott didn't mention is this anger is the "fight response". And before that, coming out of trauma is acknowledging and unraveling the freeze response. This can actually bring about very dark feelings of hopelessness, or even wanting to die. It's all symbolic mind trying to "explain" the sensation. It's all bullshit. Just din't believe any of it. That's why trauma in a way is a pointer to freedom. It shows vividly how the mind has taken over life and is really ill equipped to solve suffering, and conversely how it is the bare attention, which is the loss of control that paradoxically brings release.

[@graces893]

You're spot on!! Wish everyone could see your comment,as it's vitally important.

[@mencadotranforming4411]

I haven't listened through to the end of this yet, but stopping at 22:55, it occurred to mention some other possible perspectives; Aside from the general perspective of "there's something wrong" (without blaming or faulting anyone), and the more specific perspective of "there is something wrong with me" (self-blaming), anyone might instead have the perspective of 'there's something wrong with you' (blaming another or blaming others), or 'there is something wrong with what was done to me (or with what was done to me by you), or with what happened to me' (without blaming or faulting anyone).

[@peterburke17]

Great talk thank you so much

[@victorgomes7585]

Fantastic discussion. I wonder how people ( especially children ) whose lives, are being disrupted on all levels by war are going to deal with themselves and others as they grow up. There is so much suffering being cultivated in the world. I believe some sort of a spirituality subject should be taught in schools. Along with cognitive therapy/ awareness modalities.

[@bakkersprincess]

I agree Victor, especially about spirituality. My sense is that we have this spirituality - that it is innate and being helped to know we have this resource to call on any time, without someone else's spin on the form it should take, is invaluable. I am speaking from my own experience of self discovery and am so grateful that I am consciously aware of this resource.

[@suekranz2558]

@Jason Shults I'd like to mention that mindfulness is being taught in many schools now, from elementary ed. up thru university level. Even separate from a spiritual context, it is a very useful tool for deescalation of strong emotions like anger which are covering over pain and suffering. Slowing it all down allows there to be more productive relationships, between students, between teacher and student, and so on. Unfortunatetly, it can only really be effective if the teachers (administrators even!) have a personal practice...slowly, slowly, people people are waking up... Thank you for this forum.

[@DJ-gs2uw]

Thank you : )

[@Encontra-te]

Thanks 😊

[@ama-tu-an-ki]

Yes. How to heal without spending decades on thearapy, sessions, meditation, letting-go, being grateful, feeling love, re-living/re-framing the trauma? Is there a way raise above the trauma NOW, not in the next life? Otherwise the inter-generational trauma just keeps piling up, up, up. Thanks!

[@11eve]

Use some kind of deep meditation, like Vipassana (it is what I use), that may be able to dissolve your conditioning on somatic-body/mind level and not just on mental level (talking or thinking about it). The nonduality teaching of a Course in Miracles is also similar to Buddhism equanimity and was very effective for me in changing mental patterns. But the work still needs to be done and it takes constant and continuous effort to stay on track and do the work every single day. As you progress, the insights come and you will have less and less questions. I am not there yet, but after several years, found my direction.

[@crismeloearth]

Intention. Really strong intent to break that karmatic cycle. There are many ways but the will is crucial. You seem to have the will. Have fun!

[@kuer38]

I find that when the universe really wants me to clear some trauma, events happen to push me to look into life.. and then that cycle repeats and something else wld clear.. it is a process and contributes

[@mamunurrashid5652]

Wonderful talk...

[@11eve]

@nanomyou5 My question as well, I guess there is no avoiding the work and the effort. That is currently my main problem, if we all should strive to be enlightened, why the f* is enlightenment so difficult??? Why are there no clear steps to take??? You have to sort through a lot of mumbo-jumbo, to find a teaching that is not based on money or other interests. And when you find it, you realize that meditation is not enough, you have to start again the search to be able to do the shadow work besides meditation. It is a frustratingly difficult, uncharted and long process.

[@tamaraawadphotography866]

please post us this with arabic subtitles if possible 💓 great video 🌸🌸

[@aresmars2003]

It all sounds good, but it would be frightening to believe knowledge is ever sufficient to help. People can go to therapy for years, and just use it to cope as a broken person, and never escape their affliction. I almost wonder if a belief in reincarnation would aid healing, if you knew whatever you carry with you at your death will repeat again elsewhere. If there is no escape or "waiting out the clock", then perhaps we might as well stop running and find a path through it now.

[@BirthingPower]

Who is the artist who created the background art?

[@debstein8811]

How do we RESOLVE ancestral trauma/karma/curse...etc?

[@Lisaperry1001]

Thanks very iChat 🌸

[@Anna-xu9nl]

Mark Wolynn how is that possible to resolve issue/ trauma in one session with you ? 120 min for $500 Is it possible?

[@lmansur1000]

Birth itself is traumatic if we think about it...with the baby trying to move thru this tight canal and the mother screaming wildly.... I mean that is birth...YIKES...

[@susanarupolo2212]

I understand the comments,every one said what is result of every one experince,my experience have thought to me is LOVE is the healing,total acceptance of the other like we are ONE,then will take years ,or maybe the reincarnationCan do that. Sad I don't believe in reincarnation.

[@walkinginlight3951]

Karma and reincarnation are anti-Biblical. It's Occultism, the opposite of the Bible and of the faith in the only true God. It's a deception and a lie of Satan to apart people from God. It's a way of the devil to control people. The devil and its demons make signs to make people believe in it.

[@debstein8811]

The mic is picking up every wet sound when your lips come together, when you take that big swallow, etc. I had to stop.