How I Became An Extreme Minimalist | Part 2

Hello, my name is Nicole and welcome to my channel.
This was NOT how I had planned this video but after numerous issues with it, I've left it simpler than I hope. If you have any questions about any of the topics I mentioned, feel free to leave them in the comments and I will make a future video on them.
There is so much I left out, from people dying to complexities among other relationships and the occasional dips in mental health and doing some really dangerous things, within this and the previous video.
I had to be careful to respect other people, not trigger anybody and keep the videos to the point.
It's a balancing act telling my story, and it would probably be better that I told the main points and then smaller points in seperate videos in the future.

[@minimalismandmore]

You should be so proud of yourself 🩷 You have put a lot of hard work in to better your life for you and your children and it's lovely to hear that you are enjoying life so much now 😊 So brave to share your story and I've enjoyed learning more about it x

[@Izzi-n5t]

You may not have a garden or a car but you do have people, we may al be on you tube but I think I speak for all your subscribers when I say that we all think that what you have achieved is amazing. Your honesty and candour is refreshing. Well done for your achievements. Love from peculiarlyhookedonpendle x

[@TessaAvonlea]

But I would LOVE to have a child. But i haven't felt that i am in a position physically, emotionally and financially to be able provide for them. And then there's you.

[@extrememinimalism]

I don't understand. Explain?

[@extrememinimalism]

I wasn't ready in any of those ways when I was younger with my first born. By the time I had my second, I was capable in all of those areas... or at the very least... managed the dips, which is probably more important then never ever having dips at all.

[@TessaAvonlea]

@@extrememinimalism look, I'm not someone who has a problem with people claiming the benefits they are entitled to or what they need to survive. But you are online proudly telling people about how you got out of hospital and actively pursued a pregnancy by sperm donation while knowing you had no job and no stable relationship with a partner partner to support you. I genuinely want to know what made you feel entitled to do that? In some ways I do think you should feel proud of yourself for pulling through your struggles and managing to be a parent. I'm glad you're doing well. But I'm also slightly outraged that when we share quite a lot of similarities in our story, I decided to commit myself to finding a job I can manage and building up to a point where I can support myself and create the sort of life that I might one day be able to bring a child into. While you decided to just go and pop a child out knowing that the taxpayer would pay for it. What happened to a feeling of personal responsibility?

[@extrememinimalism]

@@TessaAvonlea You are allowed to feel the feelings you do but I have left out a large part of my story because of time. You don't need to be on benefits to have a council house, I was working before I had my first child, was very poorly in hospital for a very long time and at the same time homeless, then studied, then went back to work whilst I was in supported accommodation and saved every penny with the limitations [benefits, yes, but also the rules of the SA I was given.] I was also studying for something else whilst I was pregnant with my second that I paid with savings. My working history isn't explained in this video but I did have 4 part-time jobs from 18-25 and my reasons for getting a council house are very separate. You can start off in a council house with no job and still be in it [and maybe buy it if you want] even when you are working full time. The only difference between a council house and a private rented home is the price for said rent and stability. Though the council can indeed help towards private rent. And idk if you know, because many do not, but you are allowed to save a decent sum 6k and up to 16k before benefits are stopped. When I went into placement, I wouldn't have been allowed and it was not advisable to work, it was something I already knew before having another child as SS coming back was indeed inevitable. People are allowed to have benefits and have children. And I await for your reply, to explain how I am different to others who abuse drugs, alcohol, cigarettes and the system generally. Everything I have, I am entitled to. As you would be, if you was similar. Whether or not, we decide to take it given the chance, is up to us. As for knowing who will take care of them... I will have help in the beginning and then I will be on my own. Just like everyone else who decides to have kids on benefits or goes on benefits despite having kids. When we need it, it is here. When we don't, it's not.

[@extrememinimalism]

@@TessaAvonlea Also, it's 3 years apart from having a baby and wishing to die. A LOT can change during those years and idk if I said already, but I was working and studying between those times. The desire for a child at first was as I said, selfish ones. Then by the point I actually went through with it, not selfish at all. As for a partner... you don't need a partner to be an adoptive, foster or bio mum. It's an old fashion belief that seriously needs to change. I have a willing, supported, decent family who are far better.

[@SarrahStrange]

Thank you so much for making this video. I am really proud of how far you’ve come. You are a very strong person, I look forward to your next chapter ❤

[@amandajanete]

The last ten minutes of this video made me smile so much! You are so deservedly proud of yourself and it’s wonderful to see x

[@BekeDownes]

Thank you for sharing your story with us all. You have gone through so much, but I am so happy to hear that life is better. Life is hard, especially these days, and there are always going to be tough times, but I think that knowing the things that we can and not handle can help in so many ways. One of the things I love about minimalism is knowing I have full control over (at least my) things that I bring into my life and home. There are things in our home (as I know you have seen) that I can’t control as much as I would like, and it drives me crazy. But I am slowing trying to work my way through the house even more, and at least, trying to keep my family’s things in their own spaces. I get really claustrophobic and very overwhelmed by other people’s things and there’s not a lot I can do about it.

[@extrememinimalism]

For BJ, I own highlighters and a pen. The highlighters are codes for great, eh, bad and to highlight important things. I have stickers from when I initially thought I needed them and when they are used up I won't buy more. It's not extra, it's pretty minimal in it's set up. I plan on doing a video on it at some point. I started in October but my book broke so I had to buy another one ad start again. I went from A4, then A5 and now I am pretty happy with B6.

[@BekeDownes]

@extrememinimalism yeah I'd love to see your BJ. I love simple ones too. I used to use them alot, and they were always simple and practical

[@Eta-u9n]

Te admiro mucho ❤

[@BekeDownes]

Also... i was curious about your bullet journal and you buying books. How do you do your bullet journal (like, what do you tend to use it for wtc). I love bullet journals, so im always curiouse. And with your books, you said you buy them, read them and pass them on. Do you see books similar to when you buy flowers? Like something you treat yourself to? The reason I ask is that even as a minimalist, i still enjoy buying things, but don't like buying things for the sake it buying. If you know what I mean. I thought that buying a new book would be a way to enjoy the process of a purchase but to enjoy the hobby of reading,and like you, passing it on. I don't like digital reading/books, and don't do things like drinking, smoking, drugs or betting/gambling etc so I think books would be a great on going hobby.

[@extrememinimalism]

I read a lot of books (and I adore fanfiction) and I generally pass books on when I'm done unless I want to read it again, which is very rare. I buy them second hand.

[@BekeDownes]

@extrememinimalism I have really bad sinuses issues and can't handle rhe smell of older books, or 2nd hand books that are older. I get sinus pain and headaches and watery eyes etc. So I kind of feel I have ro go new books, otherwise I'd just get second hand.

[@extrememinimalism]

@@BekeDownes Awe. My sinuses suck too. Buy the more newer, expensive ones if you wish. I personally would still do the same thing.

[@amandajanete]

I really enjoy your realistic approach to minimalism. Do you find that it has given you more control over your life now, especially with your toddler? Did you realise you had OCD before you were pregnant, like when you were a child? I think my 7 year old is developing it but we’ve had so little help from the doctors.

[@extrememinimalism]

I probably had S+S of OCD from 10 years old when something traumatic happened BUT more importantly in a way, was poorly dealt with.

[@amandajanete]

@@extrememinimalism I really hope I wasn’t too nosy, thank you so much for replying though.

[@extrememinimalism]

@@amandajanete I opened it up for people to question, so I don't mind :]

[@amandajanete]

How does foster placement work? Do they foster you and your child, or do they foster your child and you are living there? It sounds so overwhelming but it seems like it has worked so well for you xx

[@extrememinimalism]

So, technically they foster you both, because you and your child move into the home. However, YOU as the parent are expected to do absolutely everything for your child and the foster carer sits back and watches, and they are actually suppose to offer LESS support than what's normal of what friends/family would. You literally move in with them, and have to sort of temporarily leave your normal life behind for a few months - a year until transitioning home starts UNLESS you aren't deem safe enough to do that.

[@ocin7917]

@@extrememinimalismis it only for young parents? Or for all solo parents with a history of social services?

[@extrememinimalism]

@@ocin7917 No, you could technically be 50 and go to placement. You could still have or had completely lose custody of your first, second, third etc child or this could be your first time. I was 19 or 20, when I went to my first placement and 25 when I went to my second placement. You could have a partner who is amazing, an abusive/problem partner or be on your own. You could have an amazing support system or no support at all. The youngest I know off who went to placement was 13. The oldest I personally know was 38.

[@ocin7917]

How often do you get to see your first born?

[@extrememinimalism]

twice a month :(