How long does it take to get over a breakup? | Am I Normal? with Mona Chalabi

We know how long it takes to heal from broken bones, injuries and ailments, but what about a broken heart? The answer, like relationships, is a little complicated. In this episode of Am I Normal?, Mona investigates different strategies for falling out of love with the help of a couples therapist, and unveils the research on how long it takes to get over a breakup.
Want to hear more from Mona? Follow Am I Normal? on Apple Podcasts: link.chtbl.com/AINyta
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[@geovanegtc]

TED add legenda em português! Please.

[@RN_We_got_it]

Having to not love someone because they just aren’t good for you and walking away is the hardest thing I’ve had to do.

[@deltavoided7815]

going through the same thing

[@zoe2631]

@@deltavoided7815 same here too :(

[@TheJakeboyd]

@@zoe2631 same here count me in this lol

[@TheJakeboyd]

Broke up with a girl I was with for 4 years she’s 20 now im 23, we’ve missed out on a lot , not being ourselves I left abruptly moved all my things out 6 months in on our lease now I want to move back , even after I saw another guys car parked in front of our place and smashed his tail lights out with a mini sledge hammer. My minds a mess rn

[@carlkegley3821]

@@TheJakeboyd dude I'm litterly in the same boat. Found the one and left her because she wasint good for me. I moved halfway across the country and now wanna move back but can't because I'm financially stuck...I feel you man. It hurts.

[@jtz0]

I watched this 6 months ago wondering how I would ever be able to move on. Right now I'm probably the happiest I've been in my adult life. Don't underestimate yourself and your ability to let go!

[@lottychan]

Thank you ❤

[@julieshilov]

Aww love this

[@gsotoaz]

I needed to hear this. I'm so sad right now.

[@dkncd]

thanks so much for saying this

[@citichic2311]

Glad you shared this… because I’m totally missing the genuine love I had for years. I look forward to not missing love. I find joy daily. Right now I’m just really missing the real love I felt for years.

[@4dvoc4tethe4byss6]

For me the worse part is when healing is dragging on. You have talked about your feelings to everyone who would listen and it felt good but the times come where even you are getting bored with your own despair. The time when you feel like you cannot bother anyone else with this anymore cause they will grow tired of your sorrow just like you are tired of it. So from that point on you just sit in your own pit of tar all by yourself, miserable yet bored of your misery. Is this the moment where I have to go pay someone (a therapist) to listen to my pain? I don‘t even wanna listen to myself talk about it anymore…

[@dyna7874]

Talking does help a lot, maybe the most! but also look for different things to focus on! after a while, sitting at home, on your own, is helping the least. Is it cold and raining outside? go take a walk and feel what its like to live. Sound boring and floaty but simple things can help. Generation and interests may differ but personally, Eminem's music helped me a lot. Not only listening to it but also tried to learn each song out of my head, different things to focus on!

[@4dvoc4tethe4byss6]

@@dyna7874 yeah I don´t think Eminem is gonna work for me - I´m into Rock and Metal. But I sure get what you are saying. The thing is just that I have so many distractions. In fact I moved to a different country and am studying what I love, while also making music. Not having distractions is not the problem...the problem is that they don´t work because small things remind me of my ex. I had a beautiful relationship with beautiful memories but now these memories have a bitter and painful taste... I am making some progress though. I realised recently that when I look at photos of them now, I don´t feel anything anymore...It´s like they have become a stranger again.

[@ummkc]

Thank you for saying this. You‘ve put what I have been feeling into words perfectly. I hope you’re feeling a bit better 4 months out

[@moyenage7]

This describes everything I am feeling now 😢 Hope you are doing better ❤

[@murasue1162]

Wow, i felt this so much. I did went to therapy after almost 3 years of still being in a grieving period

[@RichRobinson]

To anyone struggling: understand that it takes time and there’s no way to shortcut the process. Don’t dwell but don’t bury your head in the sand either. It pays to process what happened and learn from it. This is ultimately what needs to happen to move on healthily. Don’t beat yourself up. Nobody is perfect. Don’t put them on a pedestal. Remember that being single is good place to be and these situations are usually followed by a lot of learning and growth. Now is a good time to rebuild. Throw out old stuff, get a new haircut and treat yourself to some new clothes that make you feel good. Get some personal development videos up on KZbin or get some books. Write some goals and get to work. It will help to focus on other things - positive things. It won’t feel like it now but you’ll be excited about the future once some of the dust has settled. Avoid alcohol for a while. It’ll probably make things worse for you in the short term. Good luck, whoever you are. X

[@davidnorman2134]

I still love my x, to deny my love for her would just be living a lie and not being true to myself

[@pyan2723]

Reading this made me tear up. Thank you, you don’t know me but this has been the kindest words I’ve received about this break up. Both from friends & strangers. I just feel like nobody understands what I’m going through.

[@blackbohemiangoddesss1531]

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

[@4dvoc4tethe4byss6]

What happens when you‘ve done all of this and still feel this void inside? What happens when you got a new life, a new haircut and you are finally living the life you have been dreaming about for years…but then you eat alone by yourself in silence and just feel the presence of their absence so heavily again?

[@y0781]

Thanks, needed this

[@ninjadragon4667]

4 years together and it's been 4 months since we broke ties. My heart still yearns for my ex and it breaks me every day not being able to talk with her.

[@ErickGodlike]

sometimes i want to believe that its all a bad dream and wake up with her still by my side.

[@RAMIC-tv1ye]

@@ErickGodlike my relationship of 4 years has fallen apart its all just my mistake that it has deteriorated but now no matter how hard I try she has gotten cold and distant but the true fact is now matter what we do and what time does they will never return back within the same feelings. Even if they do return they will not feel the same wah that they used to do

[@richharris9489]

Same here ninja

[@dante4311]

@@ErickGodlike happened to me tonight, 4 years and she ended things but said i was perfect. didn’t feel the spark

[@alan_long]

@@dante4311 Joined the 4 year breakup club tonight

[@chansaechao4745]

It’s been a little over a month and I’m still crying and breaking down each day. It hurts so much.

[@kriscuevas4086]

It’s been 9months and I still cry and I get really frustrated…

[@mery6717]

@@kriscuevas4086 for me it's been 3 months

[@kalebhardin5501]

it’s been 7 months. the first 3 months were rough. then i felt like i had finally started to move on. now 7 months later I find myself waiting hour by hour to finally get home so I can finally cry. grieving is not beautiful, it is ugly, and no words of comfort can mend what’s been broken.

[@0ccam5Raz0r]

Crying is good. Its part of the process. I just put sad songs on my radio as I felt anxiety and wanted to let it out. When you can, try and let ths emotion express itself. We guys are rubbish at that.

[@zweij]

Been 3 years and still hurts.

[@thanos7245]

Was with her 6 months and still been dealing with it 5 years later. Refuse to even give someone else a real try. Some people's energy just has the potential to echo in your soul for years and years. Be careful who you fall in love with.

[@xchristineee]

Love is blind... You love them so much nothing else matters

[@dillondoty1346]

Why’d you end?

[@theintern9722]

Bro I did that when I was 18 and wish I could tell myself to never do that again. Please move on

[@I3usT3r]

I had the same :(

[@Kaszkieciorz_TG]

This sounds like a WAY too long. I'm not saying this often, but please consider to talk about it with therapist

[@whatt.2065]

The worst thing about the breakup are the memories. Memories u loved before and shared are just painful from now on.

[@alexanderalzate8560]

we have to fight it. anytime a memory arises, we have to stop it.

[@4dvoc4tethe4byss6]

I feel your pain. It‘s like the facts of what happened are still present in my mind, but all emotion has been stripped from them. My Ex robbed my memories of emotions! If I tried to feel them (the positive emotions from those memories) there is only a painful wound awaiting me and pulling me into sorrow.

[@lisx9688]

6 years later I still can’t get over betrayal and pain , waking up at night in tears. New relationship is too scary to think of

[@Ahmed-69426]

Man... :(

[@theboss-wo5jf]

any update? i'm at 2 years and i'm still stuck

[@JKNat9004]

😢Sorry you have to go through this.

[@imraw17]

@@theboss-wo5jf its been 4 years for me and I still get sad from time to time. this video actually helped me alot i think its okay to feel sad but as long as you keep your head up in other ways youll be fine.

[@kampfpiper3853]

​@justchoas740 my ex broke up with me last month 6yrs down the drain brother its not easy I cry and Pray everyday, it hurts like a Motherfker but that doesnt mean taking your life is the answer pray harder my brother eat good excercise watch a Movie, work harder in your job things will get better thata what they all say we can do this your not alone brother.

[@shenewnguyen]

i was a better version of myself when we met, now i dont know who i am. I learned alot of things about myself that are really disappointing and i can only obsess over those negative things. I feel like ive forgotten how to make myself happy and life feels like is passing me by. I wish it would slow down.

[@smk6736]

I'm sorry you are going through all this. I hope you're talking to someone everyday about it.

[@firehousesubs4439]

I feel exactly this.

[@lulux7218]

You may try write down your feelings? Writing down what you have for the other one, writing down your anxiety, anger, or missing feeling… recalling the better you before you met, recalling what made you happy before you met… remember you have friends, you have your loved families, remember when you need support, they are always there for you. Including therapist. This is what I did for myself. Please have a try for yourself. I am thinking about that all emotions came to me after breakup are all gifts for me. I need time to explore myself and know more about myself. Hope it helps❤

[@0ccam5Raz0r]

Stay strong mate. We all must have made mistakes to be here in the first place. I know I did. That said, you're version of events will be mentally unkind to you so hang in there and don't believe all of the lies your mind is telling you.

[@nymphicide]

exactly, me too. i got evaluated and they said i have traits of BPD and i couldn't stop obsessing over it while i'm going through a break up. everyone keeps telling me to just move on and let go and work on myself. what do i work on? what do i do? there is nothing.

[@nikiniki7200]

I don’t think you ever move or or let go or get over an impactful relationship. I think we learn to live with the grief and hole in our hearts and just hope that one day someone better for us will come along.

[@Eclipsed972]

Unfortunately true. Grief just sticks with you constantly and never really leaves. You just have to learn to live with it

[@ddforharry]

i think you’re right that we learn to live with grief but i don’t think you’re right saying that there’s no such things as letting go or moving on. to let go of grief means accepting the love we’ve lost then turning it into a meaningful and fulfilling experience. you’re no longer grief the loss but embrace it and accept it as a part of you. if you’re truly letting go there’s not gonna be a hole in your heart, there’s not gonna be the hope of finding someone better bc you know that you’re the best for yourself ,and if you’re complete within yourself, the grief will only be a lesson for you to grow better. so i don’t think that we live with the same sorrow but we live with another version of it which is no longer affects us.

[@camillerivera6436]

My ex and I broke up two weeks ago. I'm gonna mark this date and come back to this video every year to tell the progress. Wish me luck

[@thefruitiespebble6846]

Good luck Girly!

[@minaminaccia6356]

How are you doing,?

[@jaja1279]

Good luck

[@Lynn.-_-.]

Ima just leave this comment here to remember this.

[@Justin11897]

True 😅👍

[@mahmood1love]

Being stuck in love just depends on your mind, how easy your environment is, and how your relationship is with your family and others. Many things can contribute to your healing.

[@matthewrodriguez9217]

Been almost 2 yrs since my break up with the girl i was really hoping to be the one. We ended bc of long distance which was not the way I thought it would go. Both agreeing it was for the best yet we could tell neither one of us wanted to do it. The first month was the worst emotional pain I’ve ever felt and was probably the hardest month of my life. Lost a lot of weight cause I did not eat had sleepless nights and man I was crying 24/7 and I thought I would never Recover. But now looking back at it I laugh bc I thought I was never going to be ok. But here I am today and I’m quite alright and still alive. Of course I’m sad it did not work out but I’ve been saying “ don’t be sad it ended be happy it happened” and it helps ease my mind. I still think about her and of course I have days where she just overwhelms my mind but I am glad I have those days bc it shows me that I have the ability to care about someone that much. Anyone going through a rough break up or anything just know you will see the other side of the tunnel it may not be today or next week or even next year but as long as you keep pushing it will be someday.

[@xiaokeaimiao]

Thank you, this is what I needed to hear.

[@adrianaestrada3853]

I’m in the exact situation as you with the long distance man it is so incredibly hard to be long distance with someone and I’m so sorry to you it didn’t work out, we so believe someone would be our future wife or husband and it’s sad to build these life plans you had with them or to even daydream about it I hope you strive in your journey and you deserve someone who will never let go.

[@matthewrodriguez9217]

@@adrianaestrada3853 thank you and I wish nothing but prosperity for your relationship and my only advice would be to never stop fighting for what you love!

[@albertrilley3341]

We were in a long distance her mom found out about us and honestly I still feel that pain💔 I'm waiting for her mom to think about our relationship but honestly it's a conservative Islamic family and it's against all odds for me I wanna know how to move on so that I'm not stuck in pain

[@zahrasepti4753]

@@albertrilley3341hey so sorry you’re going through this. I’m from a pretty conservative muslim family and my bf just broke up with me ‘cause he refused to be a muslim. I told him that idgaf about him not being muslim. I love him and I’m willing to work it out. but he painfully refused. I know what ur feeling

[@neelomach]

it's not that easy to "re-"connect to things that i loved because I shared them all with him. This is really painful and i think my body is having physical traumas from this

[@ixcutamp8059]

These bots are disgusting

[@kathleendubois7128]

Totally understand. I am in the same situation

[@mandydavies7627]

I agree

[@madj7152]

Going through it right now. I hope I can survive this pain.

[@yestrech]

How are you now?

[@dgutierrez104]

Almost 9 years of my relationship. Its only been a month and I can’t deal with this depression anymore

[@shinbetvelo7014]

God cares for you

[@stevencruz978]

I’m with you brother. Everything will be okay.

[@bilalelm3897]

I'm going through the same brother (5 years) just take your time to heal. And trust me there's more beautiful things and opportunities in life that we don't appreciate and we keep turning around the circle of " why did he or she leave me". We will be okay brother. Have a good one

[@kasan8495]

Time will heal man, I believe in you

[@eva8102]

Hi Daniel. I was in a realtionship for 5 year. It has been 2 years after my breakup ad I am still not okay. My ex moved on... But he left me completely destroyed and simply can't be in another realtionship because I am afraid of another pain. Be strong. You will find somebody just perfect for you.

[@hannabie_]

Until you met someone who can give you experiences greater than the memories you linger from your ex. & then one day, you'll just know that you're over it & you no longer feel the same for the ex.

[@hannabie_]

@Hamza a youll get over it in time. 😊

[@AB-oy2dy]

How do you suggest meeting someone new, it seems so difficult for me to meet new people

[@AB-oy2dy]

@Hamza a I’m a female , I’m not autistic , and I don’t have social anxiety anymore

[@miscelleneousstuff]

@@AB-oy2dy you should seek spiritual help. Material and mundane components will help temporary or not help at all.

[@xenocodm9234]

:( what if youdont?

[@alfonso8400]

If you're watching this video and feeling like you're at the end of your rope, please know that you're not alone. It's okay to reach out for help, whether that's through therapy, medication, or just talking to a friend. It can be a long and difficult journey, but there is hope and healing on the other side. Thank you to the creator for sharing their story and shedding light on this important topic.

[@rockwellantonette4238]

I cannot express enough how much @Dr.healingstrain mushrooms have changed my life. I have been struggling with anxiety and depression for years and have tried countless medications and therapies, but nothing seemed to work. But as soon as I started taking the mushrooms, I immediately noticed a difference in my mood and overall well-being. The anxiety and depression symptoms I once faced on a daily basis have now become manageable. I highly recommend @Dr.healingstrain mushrooms to anyone looking for a natural, effective solution to improve their mental health.

[@charlesharrison3207]

@@rockwellantonette4238 I've been following Dr.healingstrain for a while now, and their work with psilocybin-containing mushrooms is really impressive. They're doing groundbreaking research into the potential benefits of these mushrooms for mental health.

[@charlesharrison3207]

On Insta iG

[@akilahsusko9665]

Dr.healingstrain is one of the most innovative mycologists out there. Their work with psilocybin is truly inspiring, and I'm excited to see what they do next.

[@akilahsusko9665]

[Dr.healingstrain]

[@MinhPham-mx2td]

My 4.5 years of relationship. It's been over 1 year since we broke up. As of now, my feelings remain unchanged. I still love him so bad. My heart hurts so much. I am extremely depressed. I know that I can not get over it. I really miss him every hour, every day, even when I sleep. I often wake up in the middle of the night and my tears fall so much. How painful it is.

[@jdm9268]

It's the same for me, I put a brave face on for everyone but when I'm home I just cry and cry. My heart is shattered 😭😢💔

[@aura2487]

@@ShivamSingh-tc7to you can't say that

[@woelad1422]

what are these comments lmfao

[@bokudakira19]

I can understand how it feels. Tears are rolling reading this . I know It's hard. I pray for you come out of it.

[@madj7152]

I havent gone back to my apartment for a month because I cant take the silence and sadness, Im drowning in my own thoughts. Im now staying with my parents. I cant be alone. I still couldnt eat, couldnt sleep, I lost a lot of weight. I will fall asleep while watching videos about how to move on in YT. But I will wake up in the middle of the night with my heart pounding and anxiety.. he broke up with me after 4yrs of living together.. its so hard. I dont know how am I gonna survive this.

[@luizacampos9287]

I dated my ex for 2 years and 5 months. It has been a year and three months since the break-up, and I'm much better now, but I would lie if I said I'm 100% ok because I'm not. Keep going, things do get better. Here are some of the things that I did/do to stay alive: Since everything happened I've spent lots of time talking to my friends about it, I went to therapy, I did things for myself (like getting a new haircut) and I write my thoughts down on a journal when I feel like it. In the beginning I thought I would never be able to get out of that place, but I did, and if I can, you can too! Sending my prayers and love for you! 🤍

[@anirudhgupta2773]

Hey, thank you for these words. I am in a similar situation and I feel things would never be okay. After reading your comment and realising that even if its been more than a year for you and not everything is still 100% okay, I realise its a looong process but surely an important one. I wish you more strength. I am sure you will heal completely sooner or later. Have a nice day!

[@mahima7638]

It was nice listening to you. But but….I don’t have friends I can trust my sorrow in. I do have friends but my pain is too dark and I wanna keep it a secret

[@beatrizromero7440]

​@@mahima7638write down what you feel, si a good alternative

[@tyonwalley]

we dated for four months and I felt like he was the one. He made promises of our future and told me he would support me through everything. This is the second breakup i'm going through this year and I really don't think I can make it through this one. I hope I can come back to this post in a year and feel different.

[@nuke6165]

hey how is it going now? have you started to feel better?

[@tyonwalley]

Hello, I forgot I wrote this almost four months ago. That's a hard question to answer. It for sure goes up and down. Some weeks I'll feel happy and then others I feel worse than I did in the beginning. I am still doing a lot of crying and therapy, and although I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, I am choosing to push through. He hasn't reached out so we are still no contact, but on instagram his friends and family still like my stories and react to my posts so i'm processing those feelings as well. Im still in this weird limbo of loving him and hating him, which will hopefully fade as time goes by. I hope I can respond back to you in a few months feeling way better than I am now. Thank you for asking and reading all of this haha, I hope all is going well in your life. @@nuke6165

[@richardking8879]

Hi guys, just come to an end of a 10 year marriage with my Wife, 14 years together in total. Absolutely heart broken and that sinking feeling I've never felt before. Right down to my gut, it's still so raw so hoping next couple days I start to at least sleep. Been less than 48 hours. Very amicable break up with no children involved but think the spark has gone, we have a house togethor. Never thought of writing on something like this or ever having the need to, but reading some of the comments is also gut wrenching

[@ivonneluevano6353]

I hope you are healing, so sorry for your loss ❤️

[@ramon7005]

I feel you man. Same here together for 14 years married for 12. I'm 1 week in to the breakup and I'm in bits. Sadly it was my fault. It didn't need to be this way. That thought kills me every second. It's torture. I'm hoping for better days.

[@mattmatimateo]

Hope it's getting better dude, from what I can tell this happened to you the same time mine did and even tho my one wasn't a 10 year marriage I think I understand, good luck

[@Tambrose0405]

My 9 year relationship ended 2 weeks ago. He broke up with me 2 days after my mamaw died. I gave him everything from supporting him financially to planning dates and he still left. He says he'll have all the stuff out of the house by the 1st and he's putting a deposit down on his own apartment this week? I'm just so broken idk what to do and he has no interest in wanting to work it out. I have to call and cancel our wedding and everything. He's destroyed me mentally. Only good thing is that at least I'm only 28 but still, I feel like I'm too old for what most men look for since I don't have kids and don't really want any. :(

[@hibye-by3yb]

hope you're healing and feeling better, i've just had a breakup today and deleting our pictures together is sending me to the grave

[@blinknumberone2167]

When someone at first was dying to be with you and all of a sudden they start acting less concerned, changed their phone passcode and keeps secrets... This is basically it for me right now and I finna end it anytime but I wanna get over it before hand...

[@thedowjones13]

This is my situation lol

[@stevehall2671]

For me what's making my breakup even more painful (9 months in) is that she was from another country. I'm English she was greek. I visited her home in Athens quite a few times and learnt some of the language and she used to call me many romantic things in Greek. I learnt a lot about the culture and traditions. Still today I can't look at anything greek or even hearing someone talking greek sets me off.......I can't even buy greek yogurt 😫

[@MsAldil]

Sorry but the greek yogurt part 😂👌 I hope you find someone soon

[@kristopherdetar4346]

Very common behavior. I had an Hispanic wife that repeatedly cheated on me in the last couple of years of the 20 year marriage that naturally ended. I swore off anything remotely Hispanic for over 10 years. Only now can I listen to my favorite Hispanic music and eat Mexican food.

[@teresajadia3291]

I'm dealing with the same thing. I dated a german and everything and anything related to german starts to upset me. I learned too much about their culture and way of living and hearing like a word in german triggers my anxiety.

[@harryandsirius4ever]

@@teresajadia3291 same for me for the french

[@NK-iu5tf]

The same thing happened to me, because my ex moved to England. Now everything English/UK/Britain pisses me off. It sucks because I really like Britain to and want to study there but I just don't want to be reminded.

[@woelad1422]

Was with the 'love of my life' since i was 15-21 (4 months away from being 21). I found out she was a liar and a cheat. The first week was unbearable. I almost put myself in a hospital, but instead I chose to stay at my moms place. I listened to a lot of music. Watched videos on breakups. Cried uncontrollably. Talked a lot. My mom had to give me a xanax to help me sleep because while I was exhausted, I couldn't sleep because my mind was still going crazy. I couldn't sleep for long. I couldn't stomach food. I felt like a ghost. It was all a blur. Nothing mattered at all. I remember Easter came by and so I left the room to be around people and when my moms bf said something to me, I had to leave because I started crying again. I had never been like that before. I thought I could never LIVE without her. I couldn't let her go. It was so hard to not message her. Or call her. I was so heartbroken and confused. Worst was I found it all out through other people when it all tumbled down. It's 10 months later. I want to say, life goes on. I've also lost a family member of mine to old age the past thanksgiving. Live goes on. It can be so unbelievably painful, but you're not alone. I never knew I could cry so much. That I could feel so much. That I could love someone who hurt me so much, because in truth, it was a horribly toxic relationship I just couldn't pathom letting go of under any other circumstance. I really never thought I'd get out, I felt like we were bonded for the rest of our lives and well, here I am. I'm 21 years old and single for the first time in 7ish years. I'm no where near as emotionally codependent as before. I had a fling over the summer, which too ended, but taught me that I can move on and be with other people and that there *are* other people out there. Am I over my ex? Oh, no. Sometimes reminisce, I'm still working on getting rid of all the things she gave me. I'm still processing the pain and the betrayal I felt when we were together and when we weren't anymore. I don't see myself being able to love another person any where near the extent to which I was in love with her. I never want to be so blindly involved again. I've learned and am still learning so much from the pain. Not all is sunshine and rainbows, but I got past the worst of it. You just have to keep trudging through the muddy waters. There's no way out but through. You are not alone in this.

[@euglena6608]

same, except i was the one who lied and cheated on my boyfriend of 3 years, it's been 20-25 days since we broke up and im in pieces. i kissed someone else ( a one time thing ), it absolutely shattered the both of us, and i just cannot get past the feeling of being a bad person. i profusely apologised to him for days but i know that amounts to nothing. your words resonated with me so well, i have lost my appetite and lost weight, and have had sleepless nights, even when i sleep, he comes in my dreams and i am paralysed by sadness and the guilt 24×7 oh my god. it has become slightly, SLIGHTLY better over the past 3 4 days though sometimes i am still in shock and denial about how could i do something like this and hurt someone else's feelings, the guilt is unbearable and now when i try to feel better or i am happy sometimes, i keep getting reminded on how i dont have any shame, i don't deserve to be happy after hurting someone like that. the thought that a person might be bawling their eyes out and the fact that i scarred him and now he would be insecure/bitter because of me is haunting me. i just want to kill myself at times, i feel uncomfortable in my own skin because i caused pain to someone else, it kills me. i cannot listen to songs or read or watch something like this without imagining that i hurt him and he is saying all this to me and taking it personally that Oh, i am this person and everybody hates people like me, it is super hurtful to be on this side of the spectrum :'( our memories haunt me and make me cry, so many things just keep reminding me of him, i am truly extremely sorry for everything i did but it wouldn't change anything. i feel disgusted with myself and i don't know if i will ever heal and move on from this feeling of hurting someone. im sorry for the rant but it just feels better to put it out lol.

[@madj7152]

​@@euglena6608 hey how are you now? Im in the same boat as yours. Ive cheated on him and he doesnt want to continue anymore. It hurts. The guilt is eating me alive.

[@euglena6608]

@@madj7152 hii, i am doing bit better than before now, I've had a lot of realisations. I'd be lying if i say i don't get thoughts about it every now and then, there's one thing or the other reminding me of our moments etc but i don't just sit there and dwell on it for hours now, i acknowledge it and let it go away because i have other important things to focus on in my life. Haven't moved on yet, but I'm in a way better place as compared to December. Somedays i feel stronger and better, but then i do breakdown, but the gaps have increased, instead of crying every other day, i cry once in 10-15 days. It ain't much but yes, progressing :) Also looking from a 3rd person's pov has helped me put my feelings aside and look at the relationship neutrally which made me realise that problems were at both ends, its not always black and white, there's a lot of grey areas. Of course, I did wrong and have learnt my lessons and will apologise for it whenever needed, i have that guilt, but also try to look at it with a personality growth point of view, I've become a better person because of that which eventually would help me become the best partner for my future relationships :) This is what's working for me at this moment.

[@historylover9890]

Its very hard to forget the person you love. But In my heart I believe don't force anyone to love you. Forced love is not love. If they don't want you in their life. They'll just block you out of it and just wish them good and leave.

[@caja24]

I know that you‘re right but I don‘t wanna see it as the truth, I just miss her too much I‘d even take a fake love

[@historylover9890]

@@caja24 🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@vidyan434]

No those idiots play in our life's and leave they will face their karma

[@vibes84]

To my fellow heartbroken. I was dealing with being suspicious of a cheating GF during the time my father was passing, which was true. I was 21 at the time and now I'm pushing 40. I still feel that wound. It took a lot to heal and move past that, "this too shall pass" is the motto. Give yourself time, no matter how deep the wound is, you will heal. Focus on yourself, go out, do things, hang out with your friends and focus on the things you love to do. There is hope.

[@RobStone]

From experience the first 3-4 months is the worst then it subsides but takes a good 18 months for a full release and clarity for the feeling to lift and you feel alive again

[@jordancooke7719]

Hey Rob, thanks for this, 18 months in here and its so boring now that it lingers in the mind. I'm glad others have experienced it. Ive seen article's saying it doesnt last longer than a year and i was feeling worried i was truly broken!

[@justinclark1182]

I'm 40 years old. Been together since teenagers. 2 beautiful young sons, time living abroad. We have so much love. It's all ended messy. Mistakes. Families involved. I'm 9 months into separation. Going backwards. It's the heaviest of burdens 🥺

[@fresnoniiji]

Blindsided break up after 9 years and it was 8 months ago. It still hurts

[@alanaf7116]

Only dated for 3.5 months. But it has been 3 months post breakup now, there is still no days went by without me thinking about him. I still cry myself to sleep and cry when I wake up as well.

[@kuroashikun4895]

Only dated for 4 months but I had more feelings than most of those I dated in the last 10 years. I can't get over. Literally all day thinking of her 😢

[@silverdoe9477]

“Fall in love someone else”, yes that would be wonderful if he just wasn’t my best friend from early teens & partner for 7 years. It’s also been 6 years since our breakup. I’m numb & that scares me.

[@ellasui6602]

I’m approaching the end of my healing process now but I still remember the excruciating pain. It hurt so much I wanted to cease existing. Never felt that much pain in my life. But I was incredibly lucky that my ex was an honest and kind person who tried to do as little damage as possible. I am very very grateful for this experience. To all those still working on their process, just know that the pain will go away and you will feel so good and relieved by the end.

[@jaja1279]

Hi, I'm glad to hear that. I also had an amicable breakup (from his side mainly) 3 days ago. How long were you together and how long did the healing process take for you? How are you feeling now? :)

[@ellasui6602]

@@jaja1279 Hey, sorry to hear you're also going through this. How long were you together? I was with my ex for about only 6 months. We broke up 4 months ago. Now, I still think of him from time to time, but (and I'm just realizing this now) it doesn't hurt to think about him anymore. To me, he's just a memory and a part of my past. I'm doing great right now! Learning to love myself and enjoy life as is :) Can't wait to fall in love again! Time heals all wounds

[@jaja1279]

@@ellasui6602 Thank you for your reply! We were together for over a year, we lived together pretty much the whole time. I'm so happy for how you dealt with the break up! I'm hoping I'll be able to get there with time :)

[@ellasui6602]

​@@jaja1279 You will! Hang in there :)

[@rberryphils9307]

I feel the same, I literally want to end my life now sorry but thats how I really feel.

[@kylorojen8066]

It's been 6 months now. I am adamant that I no longer feel anything for my past lover. But every time I think that I saw her or one of her family members my heart immediately sank. I don't want to keep feeling things like this. I've completely turned my life 180. Been going to the gym, lost abut 30kg in weight(I was overweight when I was with her), my passion for my sport(Taekwondo) came back(I stopped for 4 yrs because of covid), having my grades up, and having more money than ever. But I still glance around anxious of bumping into her or her family.

[@johnathanhenley2251]

I hope that wanting an ex to be happy is included within the healing paradigm. If it isn't, it should be. A relationship isn't just one person.

[@charliealvarado401]

I was with a great person for 6 years and we broke up. That was almost 4 years ago... Now I dream about him constantly and have ptsd. It's so exhausing. Even when most of the time Im not consciously thinking about him at night when i go to sleep my brain just takes over and i wake up in tears. It's mentally and physically draining...

[@TheBraker06]

Just want to say to anyone that needs to hear this. I went through a break up last year and thought my whole world was collapsing. Spent weeks watching videos like this non stop. Ive just found out she is engaged to another person and i dont feel anything. I have literally never been happier. Trust me. It gets better. Take each day as it comes and things will get better. Much love Ryan

[@pineapplepyramid5798]

The perfect TED talk straight to the point!!

[@humancapitalist]

It's been 13 months since I broke up with my ex. I had to do the dumping, but I felt like I got dumped. It was the worst. We spent the whole last year "breaking up." So I feel like we only really broke up recently...last time we spoke was Christmas 2022. No contact is real. I wish i would've never spoken to my ex once we broke up the first time (Nov. 2021). I'm so sick of feeling miserable.

[@madj7152]

How are you now?? I feel sick going through this breakup. Its tough

[@lentzu]

I was in agony for 7 months, after i was sad for about 4 months. Then i started to have moments of happiness for about a couple of months. Now is been a year, am ok. Just disappointed it wasn't meant to be

[@ceironfaux8149]

My Wife had an affair after 26 years of marriage. She said that I wore her down and didn't step up at home. I now live in a flat on my own whilst She is still in the house we rented together with the 'man' that She had her affair with. I don't honestly think I will ever stop loving her just as much as I did the first day that I realised I was in love. Nearly twelve months separated now and really feeling it. I don't want sympathy or even revenge, I just want to wake up after a good nights sleep and actually want to get out of bed. These feelings are normal so I have been told. I'd love to know when I will be 'right' again :(

[@user-yt2np6me7o]

that sucks... i'm going through a breakup too and i feel the same honestly, i still love him as much as i did the first day... just know you're not alone, we will get through this, we just need time

[@ehimenemmanuel6456]

My ex is back☝️☝️ with the help of Dr. *osara*☝️, a talented spiritualist who can repair any broken *relationship* and restore your lost marriage in just 79 hours. I highly recommend that you seek help!

[@ehimenemmanuel6456]

✛𝟮𝟯𝟰9152668445(☉｡☉)!!!!

[@makojacko6686]

Hello dear I know of a powerful man who can make your ex to come back to you begging you for a second chance. He helped me to get back with my ex and we are living happily together so far.;

[@makojacko6686]

Wh'atsapp him ;;

[@lilatastic]

documenting my heartbreak through this comment section. i’ll be back in a month. today is a turning point in our relationship, forced no contact for 3 months (military) after going through a very hard situation together and being rejected. it’s hurts to be something and nothing with him. i know he loves me, but he chooses to hate himself more, and im just here picking up the pieces of not only my broken heart but his also. i deserve better.

[@venuslove9368]

It's tough to stay optimistic when you've lost someone you deeply cared about. However, I'm grateful for having had the chance to experience love in the first place. Even though it hurts, going through heartbreak reminds me that I'm alive. Simply knowing that I'm capable of loving and being loved by another person gives me hope for the future. Sometimes I go outside, and just look at the sky and world around me just to remind myself how amazing it is to be alive, to be here today to experience all this beauty. I believe that I'll be able to love and be loved once again in the future, it happened once before.

[@mysteriousinternet1246]

My heart feels like a broken warrior on a battlefield, picture a heart in a battle with the foe which is the mind, but the heart realizes it’s battling on it’s on. That’s how my breakup felt, it didn’t feel like my world crushing down when I left her but more like a graceful leaf falling from its branch, the pain of knowing that leaf can never be attached or hold onto its roots the same again, instead the wind grants the leaf it’s new home while us the tree stands. In life some of us are as strong as a tree but nothing without our leaf’s, however sometimes the seasons change and some leafs fall, some trees get cut down, some get decay, but all that matters if we can keep our stance like a tree through the seasons we maybe can grow some new leafs back one day. Love you guys

[@muthuparameshwari6703]

💐

[@ddforharry]

beautifully said

[@alaina281]

i was with him for 6 years, today marks 3 years since he left and my heart still aches. i just want this pain to end, im so tired

[@nymphicide]

hey...how are you doing now?

[@zinazoulou3574]

how are you now?

[@lauraembleton4363]

went thou break up 4 years ago and it took me about 4 years to get over the break up lol and now 4 years on I'm doing much better and have moved on with my life!

[@thelmaotiono3999]

I like this. At the beginning of this year, i was sad and depressed about a break up that happened a year ago. I kept wondering why i still felt all this heartache and pain for a year+ relationship that was even toxic. I kept asking myself why i still care and that i should've moved on like him and everyone else but i couldn't or at least not then, it felt like i wasn't normal. But now here I am okay, trying to face my actual problem, on self improvement and trying to be a better me in everything I can. I can say that although the feelings linger like a scent faint in the air, the love is gone. Just process your feelings, cry, and find what makes you happy with friends that are ready to shoulder your emotional discomfort and if you don't have friends to do that. Then that's cool, just talk to someone even if it is a stranger, let out your feelings in your own way.

[@robotbf]

3 years with her, almost 2 months without her. Todays her birthday… we talked for a little bit today, i tried to be nice, but she still doesn’t want anything to do with me. She’s the first thing I think about in the morning, and more often than not, I lay awake at night thinking…

[@stephaniefythm]

I went through a lot of financial crisis during my divorce, I had to raise my two kids alone, Currently I'm living smart and frugal with my money. Bought my second house already. Saving and investing lifestyle made it possible for me; even till now I earn monthly through passive income. I'm planning on retiring when my kids finish college..

[@eadad4371]

I'm a single dad. Not quite long I started investing. I'm very curious and need help on how to enhance and increase my returns. Any good investment tips would be appreciated..

[@stephaniefythm]

@@eadad4371 Generally, investing requires higher knowledge. For this reason, It's important to have a solid support structure (financial consultant) to guide you through especially in asset picking. I operate with (Regina Louise Collaro) an investment advisor who partners with a licensed wealth management firm. For the record, the experience has been the best for my finance.She is quite popular for her services so you might have heard of her. She made me financially stable investing through her help, now I earn on a monthly basis through her passive income strategy... So I’ll advise you do get a good Investment advisor for yourself.

[@eadad4371]

@@stephaniefythm That’s great , your investment advisor must be really good,I have seen testimonies of people using the help of investment advisors in making them more financial stable. Do you mind sharing more info on this person?

[@stephaniefythm]

@@eadad4371 look her up on the internet and leave her a message she's quite popular for her services as she was recently featured on cnn. She can work with anyone irrespective of where their located

[@emeldcentor1474]

@@eadad4371 You are right, I am one of many who has benefited from investing with Regina Louise Collaro. 2020 is an unforgettable year in my life, back then I lost my job due to covid ,got divorced and had no reason to live. Regina made a good life possible for me through passive income and I owe her my life. To be honest, I feel like she is an angel of who was sent to help those who are suffering financially.

[@hiyeman]

I truly wanted to believe I found someone special to me when I met this girl. We liked and did all the same things together, but what I failed to realize was that she was depressed. She broke up with me citing that I deserved better and that she wanted to learn to be independent again. I’m battling with so much anxiety of how I wasn’t enough, even though she said she cared about me. I’ve never dealt with many mental health problems, but everyday feels like a new panic attack that gets worse and worse. I just wish that I was enough for her

[@thefruitiespebble6846]

Dude you ARE enough she didn’t leave you because you were the problem she needed to regroup herself and that will NEVER BE YOUR FAULT!!! Sometimes things happen that we cannot control

[@wintergreen1784]

Mona Chalabi is so amazing…grateful to see this before even realizing she was leading this series 💛💐🌷

[@togepi33]

my best friend’s brother, we met 6 months ago and have been dating for almost 3. i know that’s not a lot but the things he told me in our relationship how he wanted to be with me forever and that this was it and he can’t think of another girl he would want to be with. threw it all away in the span of an hour and said he’s talking to a new girl. the pain hurts so bad i was so vulnerable with him. it’s going to be hard to trust someone again

[@isabelle3300]

But what if all the things i loved to do were somehow.. Connected to him. He was a part of everything , my room reminds me of him, my clothes, the bus my bags my books, everything is linked to him and i can't even do the "remember the bad things" because yes we had a very healthy relationship he was perfect for me and if he had any imperfections then those didn't affect me either i can't remember anything bad about him but we parted because of external circumstances and it's hurting both of us... How do i distract myself when everything i loved reminds me of our moments.. Even myself, i remind me of him what do i do

[@marakiizesk3715]

maybe both try to deal with the external circumstances? unfortunately, if you leave it will end.. either you try, or you leave it..

[@isabelle3300]

Hello, this is the same girl who wrote this comment about a month ago? And i am here to give y'all the answers that actually no one but experience gave me and which of course differs from a person to the other but here's what i discovered: 1.change , don't be afraid to change and let go of so many stuff especially memories put them aside for now and never look at them now as well,do as much change as you want or can (to the better please) if everything reminds you of them? Change everything. Your looks if you want (dont do something risky if you know you can't take if it goes wrong this isnt the time for risks you need things that would certainty make you happy at least in the first two weeks) your routine,your music,Your room decoration, move furniture, buy new lighting, buy new wall decorations, change your place into something new to you, not only would it help change slightly the memories it held but it will also give you this boost of dopamine and will keep you busy. Any break up / hardship / grief is a transitioning phase in our lives it's an upgrade point you can let it move you to the better stronger version of yourself or you can let it take it down with you. This is the time to shape yourself into someone stronger better with people or without people. 2. Time. I have seen countless videos i have searched everywhere i have asked people and the one thing i always heard was "time will just heal everything" and let me tell you that's true but so wrong at the same time, let me tell you time will heal nothing if you don't get up and help it. Time won't magically heal you so if that's what you are waiting for you are going to wait for long. I have seen people that haven't moved on after 6 months and even a year of their break up,ngl that made me feel like crap that i still have 6 months . It's not a timer, it's not 3 2 1 alright all done . You need to get up. You need to accept. You need to let go . You need to love yourself, alone. You need to know that you are healing yourself you need that to be your daily goal . And yes you need to cry . But time won't heal anything for you if you are not working on yourself honey, time will feel terribly slow and agonizing if you are just sitting there waiting for it to pass. U need to move WITH it. 3. Books . And i can't stress this enough how AMAZING they are. You need them . They'll completely help in shaping who you want to become, we all know stuff but books arranges and strengthens those principles. My favorite books ever were a gentle reminder by Bianca and How to heal by Brianna weist. These are what i started with. Oh and also avoid any romantic genre.. Movies /novels/songs in the first month ESPECIALLY the things you did together . 4. Dance. Blast music anytime everywhere and dance. Of you wanna learn moves do that if you don't want just move with the music no one sees you no one cares, just jump with it vibe with it. Do this almost daily. 5. Don't.Stay.Alone , go to your parents/siblings/friends/a bunch of people you know nothing about, just don't be in a room alone with your thoughts and always be busy fill up your schedule so much that you can't wait to go home and sleep 6. Cry, cry alot, scream and grief and look at the mirror to look at how cute you look while crying just let it all out. You need to embrace your wounds BUT not add to them. You can cry when you want you can cry 24h not a big deal. But don't remember stuff intentionally to make yourself cry don't open memories intentionally, the first two days you'll be crying your eyes out, you won't even sleep so if you have something in your schedule cancel that and take sometime for yourself, you'll cry every moment that's normal, let it out. After a while of crying you'll find yourself unable to cry anymore which is normal you will cry again i promise 😂 but don't hurt yourself again to feel something just let it happen naturally

[@marakiizesk3715]

@@isabelle3300 i am very happy with your comment! you are doing great! this thing that we must love ourselves alone is the biggest answer to such problems! you gave courage to all of us! thanks for sharing advice! be well 🌷

[@KazumaStigma-wn9vv]

It's been 3 years since we brokeup after dating for 4 months. But even now I can't forget my love. Sometimes , I cry thinking about the memories and the thought of not able to get back with my love hurts even more...

[@nathanmalcore9033]

Hey everyone. I fell in love with someone who showed me love. We were together over a year and i felt like i was finally happy.. Not a monster, and someone who could be loved. Unfortunately, our relationship has ended, and now i just lay in my room.. wishing i could make things right. How does one truly move on from the one that they truly believed was the one? I was all-in for this woman.. but she was afraid to go all-in in return. I never rushed her, but i feel like her anxiety & depression scared her. Best of luck to everyone out there going through grief. Unfortunately some of us just fall in love when the other one isnt ready. Patience is important, especially with love.

[@Syndor12]

If she wasn't ready to go all-in, then I'm afraid she wasn't the one my friend.

[@KizaruKizaru]

"we're better off reconnecting with the things we love to do". I love my art. I love drawing. True, i do feel slightly better if i get lost while drawing but he was the only one that actually appreciated my art. So every time i think about drawing, he comes to my mind and idk. Ive been truly alone for my whole life, even with friends im alone cuz i could never open up to them. I finally found someone who liked the things i always wanted to speak about, i was finally happy and free. But now, he "lost interest". Out of the blue. He moved on, obviously never really cared, and yeah he wasnt perfect there are things that bothered me, i would say overall out of 10 (with 10/10 being the absolute perfect person for my standards), he was 7-7.5/10. But he was the only one that was fine with my actual self. There is the idea that i might had not actually been in love with that person in particular, but more of the idea he represented. The idea of someone who accepts and loves me for who i am and wants to be with me. So maybe, maybe there will be another. And ill manage to get over this one with the new one. But i cant see it happening. Im 26 years old, im completely incompetent with social interactions, its literally impossible for me to find someone like that irl, and not online only. Last time i found someone similar was 10 years ago. Will i have to keep trying every 10 years?

[@ddforharry]

the acceptance and love come from within you. if you accept and love who you are, you won’t need someone to do it for you bc at the end of the day you’re never alone cuz you still have you.

[@SubSpaceKing]

About a month ago, I had an end to a 6 year relationship. I still feel the loss today, and it'll be hard for me to get past through this, but things started going rough once she started ghosting me nearly 2 months before our official breakup.

[@j.j7185]

Same happens to me in January , she started acting strange and not responding as she used to in early November. Fast forward to January we break up. Fast forward to march, I find out she’s with someone new already. I don’t understand how someone can do this

[@krantichinchaniwale]

Going through a heartbreak. Tried being friends but it only brought the monster out in me because I was hurting too. Did not end well. A new journey for me alone begins..

[@bestinbabu4244]

same goes for me, want to recover together?

[@n-o-i-d]

The only thing that retriggers strong feelings and melancholy for me is when she appears in my dreams. Then it takes me multiple days to fully get my mind straight again. Over 4 years have passed, and what I noticed is that it never really heals, I just learned to handle it a little better nowadays when it happens.

[@orgiogl6764]

Maybe theres only one option : someone comes up and heals you~

[@adrianbradley8513]

I'm a 50 year old bachelor and I've never gotten over my one and only love after 25 years. I know this may seem like an extremely long time to some people but in that 25 years any lady I've asked out has said no. Also I am a working class guy and I know that is the reason because when I see them dating other guys they are farmers, own their own businesses etc. I also see this in other non romantic situations eg my favourite hobbies and sports and I admit I get depressed about it.

[@my0majesty0el]

I can feel you, here I'm in 11th years. I've dated someone but if one day he asks me to go with him, I'll leave everything and go.

[@kataou1086]

Everything gonna be alright ♥️💪🏻

[@KandiBabyy]

Thank you for this!

[@mudofx9368]

It’s been a year progress has been made but I have not stopped thinking about it every single day

[@virgilsson1312]

i miss her so much i just want to hug her and smell her again. my heart aches for her

[@RC_Cola2020]

The love of my life just left me after 8 years together. Been crying for days.

[@oluseojo9039]

Hi l got my relationship was fixed back again with the help of a great man my ex is back to me we loving and happily together again after many years of separation, I will suggest y'all get help from him and it's works within 48 hours.

[@oluseojo9039]

He was the one who helped me restoring back my ex 3 days ago without delay 🌹🌹

[@oluseojo9039]

Whatsaap him"**

[@imissme8313]

How are you doing now

[@XxKamaelxX]

My bf broke with me after 3 years and 7 months. We lived together for the last 7 months and only in that time our relationship seriously deteriorated. I had to leave his house and stay with friends. Before moving together our relationship was awesome, perfect even. Now he wants to remain best friends because we had a real good spark since day 1.. But I simply can't stay " best friends" with someone who I still love as my partner, but already is seeing other women with the intention of getting into another relationship 😅

[@shivashishsarkar8584]

There are tons of amazing people in the world. The inability to move on from a breakup has got to be a self-esteem issue.

[@smallypuppy22]

1 month and a half. Feeling a bit better❤. You have this. Update: Saw him today aftet 1 month and a half. Feelings are not as intense anymore. Despite seeing him. And no we are not back together. It was a work thing. Ya'll got this 💜💜

[@Asiatart]

Literally just broke up after being together 6 years and engaged 1. He was a manipulator and a compulsive liar but I dealt with it for years which made me so stupid. I put him first and I learned the hard way… depression is no joke. He laughed at my tears and you sit there and wonder WHY?! Why are you treating me like I’m nothing to you..

[@DapperArtImagery]

We met and dated for 4 months. Chatted for 2 months getting to know each other prior. Some of my personality flaws mixed with childhood trauma came out in the relationship. It wasn't abuse nor violence, and nothing we couldn't overcome, but she decided she was trying too hard to make it work. And I strongly regret saying some things that made her question her place as my partner. Remember folks - words can cut and people WILL remember how you made them feel in the moment. DO NOT send that text out of rage. DO NOT tell her she's terrible for whatever reason. Stop and THINK of the consequences. I prolonged any chance to heal by trying to stay friends for 2 months but my constant desire to want more from her caused a break down in communication and she ended up blocking me for good. It was only 4 months, but I felt she could be the one. I took it so hard I began therapy for the first time to help figure out what's wrong with me so I can be a much better person next time. 2 months post break-up. There's no hope of us getting back together. I've been trying everything to move on - reconnect with family, friends. Taking up hobbies again. Writing a journal. Started therapy. I'm not even thinking of dating again. I try and distract myself all day by staying out very late. But I still think of her and what could have been. I can't listen to music on the radio because it reminds me of the amazing times we had. I see every woman in her. I sulk everytime I go to a festival and am reminded she's not there with me this time and probably never will be again. I'd do absolutely anything to go back 2 months and 1 week to address all my problems and tell her we'd be ok. But I can't and I must move on hopefully wiser and stronger.

[@luxecat]

I know exactly how you feel. Actually our stories are identical! So spot on to the point I was feeling like reading my story.. I don't know how to move on from this and I feel ridiculous because it was only half a year, but still no one compares to him and I have so many regrets. I've never felt like this.

[@DapperArtImagery]

@luxecat it's been 5 months now and while I'm not as emotionally hurt as before, I've gotten a lot better. I still miss her a lot and still want a 2nd chance someday. I tried dating, but the connection wasn't like how I had before, and I realized I'm not ready to put myself out there. It's been tough at times. How are you holding up?

[@luxecat]

@@DapperArtImagery I get that! It's probably best to heal before we rush into something new. I've tried dating too but I can't connect with someone new - it's been almost 10 months now..I've spent more time without him than with him now at this point but I still think about him everyday and I haven't moved on at all. How can something hurt this bad for so long. Started therapy as well to get over it - it's a work in progress! I just wish I would know how he's doing..he moved to australia and I'd just want to be part of his life,even if it would only be as friends..

[@DapperArtImagery]

@luxecat I feel the same. She was such a big part of my life I would hate to lose having her even as a friend. I hope we both find the resolve to heal and move on. We're both capable of love. Maybe you'll reunite with him someday.

[@luxecat]

@@DapperArtImagery Fingers crossed for you! I'm getting there..at least I'm not holding grudges anymore, I just wish for him to be happy. Take care of yourself!

[@MiMi-wi4pq]

two years later and sometimes i still feel the sharp pain in my chest. i dont think anyone can just get over it... my heart keeps breaking over and over again constantly reliving the breakup no matter how many times i try to process it... it always hurts in the end doesn't it.. the more you love the deeper the scar.

[@nukeani2301]

2.5 years over here Reading some of the other comments here gave me a little more closure People all across the world and across all ages, loving oeople for a brief moment and others loving them for their whole lives And in the end, all of are in the same ditch, arent we? Well thats the good news. Because no ditch is ever deep enough to climb out of, especially if there are other people with you My situation is fairly recent and weve ended it on good terms- so im not super emotiomal just yet. You can do it, guys. Raise your head and walk towards the sun- alone or with others. It'll feel better than dwelling in the past- I promise.

[@hansennoah1]

its more painful because I've literally done the best I possibly could, and its them that wasn't enough/ready. Everyone I've talked to said the same thing to me, that I've done the best and there was nothing I could do more. Ever since that I found out that talking abt this problem to people doesn't help me at all because they all answer the same way and it really does not help.

[@hansennoah1]

After further introspection with a counsellor and a friend i've learnt to find out that I was the one at fault. This will be much harder now seeing guilt basically lives rent free in me already

[@Joyce_21]

3months of breakup and the grief never diminished I saw their profile photo together it kills me and the pain started fresh again. It was painfull to see him happy with the girl he cheated me on with. I prayed so hard cried so hard doesn't make any progress the grief was unfathomable

[@imissme8313]

Update

[@umeshprasadsingh6813]

How are you doing now?? I hope you are feeling little better.

[@Joyce_21]

@@umeshprasadsingh6813 I'm feeling better now🙏thanks

[@convoyxd6268]

Been 6 months for me and I still feel just as heartbroken with no sign of stopping

[@jessigraphiel9048]

It's 6 year. I still love him so much.

[@avishiktabiswas730]

I am going through a break up I thought I am gonna marry this guy someday. But, now I know, I cannot be with him. Because, I am not good enough for him. It's so hard to start everything from the beginning again.

[@notactuallyhanna]

I feel pathetic because we „only dated 6 months“ and now after 2 months broken up I‘m still so sad

[@regerniquerasco7428]

That is okay, chin up!! The connection must have been strong!! Don’t trip, your skate through this soon and meet someone who will bless you in new ways and add sunlight to your days. I swear! Continue pouring into, living on yourself! Also if you aren’t, hit the gym! 🤗🤗

[@raphael1622]

Time doesn't have anything to do with the way you're feeling, it's not because your relationship only lasted for 6 months that it wasn't intense. Also, 6 months is enough time to share a lot of moments together and things that get stuck to your mind, believe me I've been there and I know exactly how much painful this is. I just want this pain to go away soon...

[@jayquickscope4446]

Well its been 2 and a half years and my 5 year relationship completely destroyed me as a human. Depression to social anxiety have never been worse and on top of the whole Covid lockdown im basically a loner in all aspects of life im 25 and i feel so fuckin* empty. Hopefully I will get the courage to get back to be a social butterfly like I was in high school. It sucks not talking to anyone for days at a time. Edit: 8-7-2022 There are lots of replies and love in the comments this makes my heart warm 9 months ago when I wrote this comment over 2 years was the break up. Now I am in a much better mind set it did take time I even changed my channel name from paradigm-social-construct to the current name which is my twitch not a promotion of any sort but it is just to state that I found a purpose in life and that's to make informational gaming content I found a love for video games . For a long time I didn't have the motivation to do anything getting out of bed was painful,. I have made great strides in life which it might be small to some but it's massive for me. At one point since the breakup I was in a psychological mental ward for trying to end my life. I went to a rehab to get over my addictions that also probably would of ended my life. Don't give up, you are important there is purpose for you in the world you just need to find it. Life is not easy, but humans are miracles no matter the condition of your current situation there is a reason to live. Now I'm not pretending the journey to getting "better" is easy but day by day it hurts a little less . I can now look in the mirror and don't immediately think that life is not worth living. I'm striving to make progress because being stagnant in life will make you feel crazy. Humans are meant to make progress. Now what that progress is... Is up to you the individual I believe in all of you ❤️ much love

[@siblingstahiliani8908]

Same here! We can talk about it if you want

[@07CS]

get rid of that obsession dude. go out n socialize; the gyms are open, libraries. physical exercise is good for the mind. set goals, get a job. It's been 2.5 years! you are not depressed; u r directionless.

[@mskindness8117]

@@07CS don't say that. There is a process. Let him/her feel the pain until it hurts no more. He/She will be able to stand on his/her feet soon. Let's wait for it!

[@Dailyfiver]

I feel your pain dude. I’m in your exact same boat right now. It will get better over time, but right now we have to power through this.

[@adilah143]

Stay strong

[@Ineedahandle75]

I broke up with someone over 25 years ago. For some reason she has resurfaced in my consciousness recently and I feel more hurt about it now after all the time has passed, than I did at the time.

[@notemmamyass]

it’s been about 8 or 7 months later, i still think ab him and even miss him sometimes

[@Varizen87]

Without even seeing the study Mona is talking about, the second she said 1.) the study was misrepresented by people reporting on it and 2.) there was no mention of how long it took to get over a break up as well as 3.) it used a college population for the study, I immediately can guess a few details about the actual study. First is that the study FOLLOWED its participants for 11 weeks, which is 1 week longer than a quarter and 4 weeks short of a semester, and the outlets reported presumed that it followed people until they got over a break up instead of the fact that after about 11 weeks... the semester/quarter was over and it was harder to keep track of participants now that they had received their extra credit for classes. Some people get over relationships really fast... some people it can take well over a year. And then there are people who rebound and jump right into a new relationship while not over an old one... I had (operational word is had) a friend who had no self value and only saw her value in a relationship and couldn't be single for more than 2 weeks before jumping into a new relationship, often abusive and more so than the last. No matter how much I told her "Being single is an option, and you really need to explore who you are as an individual" her response to breakups was to always jump into the first thing that came along. That means she wasn't taking any time to grieve or deal with some of the underlying issues of why a previous relationship failed. But I strongly agree with a lot of what Mona is saying here. Redirecting your attention is good... but it doesn't work forever. But most importantly... there's no 1 single solution where you have a break up and can write on your calendar... "Officially Over Break Up Day."

[@JF-wp2rz]

I just want to hug him and give him all of my love. We broke up because our visions of life and future are way too different. I wish I could hate him but unfortunately I love that guy. Objectively I am pretty sure I have done the right thing, but my heart says otherwise.

[@Maharjan689]

It’s been more than 9 months and i still cry over him. I still can’t move on. I feel so sad and depressed. Don’t have interest in doing anything. I don’t want to get back with him even if he wants to but i still want him and love him like crazy. My heart and head hurts. I feel like I’ll not get a guy like him ever or even if i do I won’t be able to love and trust

[@swadey2.017]

Can I ask what the situation was? Who broke up with who and how old you are?

[@theofficialimmkobee]

there is most definitely no end date. for me, in my situation, I had no say so in the breakup so I was forced to "move on" without notice. so I was still in love with him when he ended it and surprisingly still have love for him today it's just different now that time has passed.

[@Nunya_Bidnez]

Depends on how much you love the Person. Maybe never. Did you leave them or did you get left? Leftovers are always salty and unsettling so yeah. I will say this. Loved my Ex-wife. We get along now but hardly speak to each other. At some point I figured out I think it's me after many fails. Now at 44 Im just done trying. I'm not even gonna waste another $ or Minute on it. It's just too much to deal with now. I'm not sad and lonely just feel better knowing all I can count on is me. Use the breakup as fuel to fire your life into something magical. It's all you can do to help set your mind free.

[@enabonobo3584]

I felt that. Can definitely agree with that

[@ajinkyabhil]

Use the breakup as fuel to fire u r life into something magical..that was touching.. 😊🥰

[@ironmyno]

I'm 47 yrs old, and you nailed it. Not even looking..

[@razgmk]

Till you meet someone new and fall in love again.

[@elinope4745]

Yes, and the latter part is very important too. If you just get with other people that you don't really care about, it doesn't help.

[@analog_dreamer]

Till you break up again.

[@jackhandy4406]

Yes I’m always looking for my next ex

[@razgmk]

@@analog_dreamer And what if you don't?

[@Keln02]

My ex and I had... what I would call a passionate relationship of ups and downs. Bad lows, extreme highs. Looking back on it I am regretful, resentful in a few regards, but also immensely thankful for what she brought to my life. Would I do it all again? Every person has it's answer. What gnaws at me most is missing the person who knew me the best, not being able to contact her, and imagine her powering on as if our relationship had been a speedbump. I still go to therapy, but I don't really feel like I have any friends I can really confide in around me anymore.

[@talkisoverrated7057]

I came here to find this because i don't feel anything anymore ..

[@Historybuffmuppet]

I do whatever I can during the day I pretend I'm ok then I get home and I cry myself to sleep I'm lonely depressed she's sad I go running she needs me I'm there for her to message while I'm alone and have to deal with the negative thoughts inside my head.

[@Ana-lk7gq]

Please go to therapy and put yourself first I would imagine that the fact you two are still in contact is making this harder

[@Historybuffmuppet]

@@Ana-lk7gq yea I still feel like I'm trying to make her happy but what ever I do is wrong i gave her everything I could but it was never enough I gave her the best version of me and it didn't matter

[@Ana-lk7gq]

@@Historybuffmuppet you both deserve to find sb who will love you the way you are By the description, I would assume you two are attracted to each other bc of trauma bond, in other words, she is maybe giving you the familiar feeling of "I am not good enough" that sb in your earlier life also gave you. Now you go back to her trying to make her realize your worth and to sort of heal that part of your past. That is why I strongly recommend psychoterapy. I believe in you, you can overcome this!!

[@HowdIEvenGetHere]

I think what we’re really after is a warm hug that takes away most stresses that no other thing or distraction can possibly ease. If you got that consistently, you’re golden.

[@TheGitasri]

Sometime you never get over, no matter how much you try. It leaves a scar for lifetime!

[@hannahmartin2326]

11 years together. It's been 7 months. He found someone a week later. I thought of kissing someone else seems completely foreign. Just trying to grow and learn at my own pace. We're all only human.

[@Tescoffee]

Going on 10 months and still not over my ex that I genuinely loved. I suppose they will be someone that I never “fully” get over even if I do date someone else. We are still friends and I've learned to just accept the fact that they did not love me and didn't want go be with me. Cause you know...”life”

[@sallytwotrees5250]

Retell the story of your breakups 1000 times to different people, anyone is a good strategy, at tell about it romanticising- you will recognize the absurdity of your pain from a broad perspective

[@shantyclips6358]

It's been a year and I'm still in constant pain. I'll never get someone as great as he was ever again. 😖

[@runnerhigh]

It’s so difficult. We had met on a suicide prevention forum. She kept me alive when I had decided to die. I went on to spend 4 years with her and now it’s over and all the dark thoughts are back. It’s been 3 months and everyday is torture. I don’t eat, I barely drink, I don’t do anything but cry and slowly feel myself giving up. I don’t think that will ever pass

[@Syndor12]

Don't give up hope. I promise life will be worth living again. This too shall pass, and you may yet meet the love of your life.

[@MichelleB44]

I'm 11 months on from my 3 year relationship ending. Well he came back and messed with my head & heart. So it's 5 months since that night. I'm healing and still not completely healed. Nor am I ready to be with someone else. My 10 year marriage took me 4 years to heal from that pain. I think its healhier being alone, to get over someone. I have no intentions of being with anyone anytime soon. Although I do have my ex husband around loads due to our children. He still runs errands for me and fixes things. So I never feel lonely as also have my lovely children to take care of. He's pretty much my best friend, without the added stress of the issues we had at the end of our marriage