How Masturbating Can Be Good for Your Mental Health | Therapist Reacts to Girl Defined

[@katiegraham6002]

The pettiness of having a sex toy company as a sponsor whenever these two talk negatively about sex is immaculate and I love it

[@hudlepie953]

Truely legendary behaviour

[@simonakatsman974]

Also it's very effective. I immediately bought something using her coupon code

[@emp6591]

It's so fun I love it. I hadn't heard of this company before so I was a little disappointed thinking it wasn't a sex toy ad bUT THEN it was!!

[@onkadoodle510]

we love to see it

[@tiagopesce]

spot on

[@katiewhitley5422]

It's so sad that she felt she had to "retrain" herself rather than having her husband learn how to pleasure her.

[@j.c.2240]

No, men are perfect, remember? HUGE /s

[@vickyisthicciana]

@@j.c.2240 definitely not 😂

[@ladyfreedomrocks]

It sounds like another red flag in this relationship. Girl Defined really doesn't sound that she/they are in a healthy relationship.

[@savagesalvage9449]

@@ladyfreedomrocks Yeah no, they definitely aren't in a healthy relationship. There is no hierarchy in a healthy relationship. It's give and take all the way. The moment one starts taking more than they're giving, the relationship is doomed if it can't be resolved QUICKLY. Like, immediately. You won't find a healthy relationship centered around a religion that casts the man on a higher level than his partner unless she just happens to get off on that kind of thing.

[@ribbonlovexxxx]

@@j.c.2240 LMAO

[@celestemarin7010]

It’s the shame of “my masturbation impacted my marriage” that does it for me. It’s not enough to shame someone for masturbation, but then shaming and blaming the woman for her dissatisfaction with married sex. I’m still unpacking all those layers. Purity culture really is designed to break women.

[@Schemilix]

Easier to make women(or closeted transmascs) settle for less than nothing if you bully, shame and abuse them for even thinking about learning their own needs! yay! /s

[@curlyhairblacklilacs]

I’ve never thought of it as “breaking women,” but holy crap that is spot on. Break them down into pieces of what they could’ve been.

[@bottomofastairwell]

Right? And its pretty fucking duh too. Like oh you're used to gratifying yourself? And then you have trouble in a relationship where you never even touched each other before marriage? Really? Who'd have thought it possible? Deep down, you know these women are just utterly miserable, and they tell on themselves ALL THE TIME. especially when she goes on about how she had to "re-train" herself (read, learn to not focus on her pleasure or give a crap if she doesn't enjoy it). Sure sounds that way to me

[@lilo19951995]

masturbation got me ready for sex lmao… purity culture making women feel like it makes sex less fulfilling are idiotic

[@JasmineTea127]

@@bottomofastairwell This is a complete nightmare 😖

[@haddles.paddles]

Basically, “I should never have masturbated because now I now how great it *can* feel, and therefore am let down with my partner. I should have never gotten to feel what it *should* feel like”… queen that is not what god would have wanted. Everything is there for a reason.

[@Ventuswill]

Also: "God made it a perfect and wonderful thing to happen within marriage, so perfect and wonderful that you have to TRAIN yourself to orgasm with your partner." Like here's a wild thought, but if you have to work so hard to make it be the way you are told it naturally should be, then maybe it's not naturally that way.

[@bunnypencil]

@@Ventuswill although sex does take practice between couples (sometimes more sometimes less) it's really just outing fundamentalists for their inability to understand sexual compatibility and figuring ones self out when it comes to their desires

[@katc.3400]

I didn't know that God forbade christian men to find the clit.

[@bunnypencil]

@@katc.3400 that's the 11th commandment "though shalt not search for and or find the devil's doorbell, or else thine wife will quiver in short death" They really didn't understand the translation 😂

[@cristlewrite7944]

@@bunnypencil I'm not religious. Can you explain what that commandment is supposed to mean to me? I am curious

[@polydactylblackcat2218]

I'm not satisfied with my partner after "struggling" with pre marital masturbation… um… no, hun. Your partner just doesn't know what they're doing.

[@powderandpaint14]

She really must not be having a very good time! And she probably feels she can't be honest about what she needs and wants from her partner because that would involve admitting that she has previously masterbated.

[@rgs8970]

And having already given oneself pleasure means that, if it's safe to, and, if one wants to, one can communicate with a partner about what they *can* do that works better for oneself

[@rhinobarrows]

Maybe they share the computer in the house and the partner finds an e-mail asking about it then the shit may hit the fan. #FunnyIfSo

[@feliciaann721]

@@rgs8970 it’s so wild to me that she keeps talking about retraining your body. Like no, retrain your partner. She clearly has some understanding of what she wants, tell him!!

[@Gryphonbonez]

I was literally just going to comment the same sentiment.. lol

[@aggylyf]

The fact that the clitoris was fully mapped the same year I was born, makes me shocked and sad. This year, the clitoris can finally rent a car. TWENTYFIVE YEARS my dudes, bruh wtf!!!

[@seraphjohanson3402]

“Can you imagine if people had no sexual desires?!” *laughs in asexual*

[@stephaniemasson1224]

Fundamentalists: You can't have sex outside of marriage, that's a sin! Asexuals: Don't worry, I don't care about sex. Fundamentalists: ...Wait, what? (P.s. I do know that some asexual people are okay with having sex, it's just for the joke)

[@515aleon]

BTW not all asexuals are non-sexual. Some of us are not attracted to others sexual--more my experience. But yeah totally get your point--if I married it could not really be sexual.

[@whoscollingme]

🖤🤍💜

[@iamthethebeginningiamtheen9555]

I’m asexual and I do have sexually desires. Asexuality just means that you don’t have sexual attraction to any body.

[@PGOuma]

@@stephaniemasson1224 and then they still call Ace people sinful 💀

[@julietjacobs1118]

I work at a sex store, and I get people from ages 18 to 80+ who have survived religious trauma around masturbation. It breaks my heart how terrified most of those people are just to step into my store. I've had countless conversations about how its natural, safe, and morally neutral. Its so hard to break down the stigma sometimes, but, hey, that's my job. Thank you for creating such a safe space for this type of conversation, I hope to bring this much validation and feeling of security into my work.

[@carmensavu5122]

I would love to work in a sex store! I've been saying, if I don't make it in academia, I want to work in a sex shop, or a yarn store. lmao

[@Sofiesplayroom]

This 👏 it’s not talked about enough. But it really is a sad reality for so many people. Just walking into the store in general.

[@isolatedfromeducation5491]

Sex stores sound wonderful!! Ive always been quite ashamed and embarrassed and had only every considered buying toys online. But as a now 19 year old woman, I think that being able to ask someone like you in person at a store would be so much more beneficial! Thank you for sharing your experience and helping me further destigmatize sex shops!!

[@syntheticjesso]

You and your comrades are so very appreciated. I am so very here for sex stores being safe places for people still learning to be sex-positive. It's hard (heh) to unlearn a lifetime of purity culture nonsense, and I appreciate so much every person who's helped me along that path, including the lovely woman at the store I went to.

[@greg-op2jh]

@S.J. K it's ridiculous

[@ddawggggggg69]

If your spouse/partner is threatened by masturbation, please run. Trying to control your ability to feel pleasure is not healthy. God I am glad I left Christianity

[@feliciaann721]

I think it’s so funny how some men are threatened by toys. The whole “how can I compete with that” mentality. Good thing you’re not competing, you’re on the same team!

[@elleofhearts8471]

also, kinda revealing how men reveal a level of self awareness of their own shortcomings when comparing themselves to sex toys yet dont attempt to get better in all the ways toys are better than themselves or keep healthy expectations in view. Toys never get tired? have you tried consulting sex positive experts and informational sex resources like books written by sex positive experts to improve your longevity? Toys always hit the spot? have you tried to cultivate an environment where you and your partner feel safe to have an open and honest dialogue about what they like in bed and what you can reasonably do to meet their needs? Do you and your partner feel safe expressing and receiving criticism? are you open to changing yourself? Do you have healthy expectations about your own sexual abilities and your partner's expectations? Have you unpacked the impact shame culture and purity culture have had on your view of sex or why you hold the perspective on sex toys as competition rather than as a fun enhancement to sexual play all partners can mutually enjoy? etc. Theres so many layers to this and men never seem to express an interest in interacting with the underpinnings of their sexual insecurities.

[@catborg780]

@@feliciaann721 as a disabled guy. I love my toy chest. I call myself a sexy/sexual boy scout because I'm always prepared for whatever my partner might want.

[@c.a.fontaine1074]

@@feliciaann721 these idiots forgot that they have tongues and fingers.

[@carmensavu5122]

@@elleofhearts8471 Actually I have had toys run out of battery just as I was getting close. Boy, the curse words that came out of my mouth!

[@rwar3206]

Did Kristen really go on camera and admit that her husband doesn't sexually satisfy her? And that's on HER to "re-train her body" to find fulfillment in sexual encounters with her husband? I can't help but notice that it really comes across like it's always up to women to give up sexual wants/needs/desires because it's "inconvenient" for a sexual partner and that in a religious sense, it is always up to a woman to be chaise, demure, and ever-serving her husband. Maybe I'm looking too into it, but this is just... sad. I never want to enter in such a sex negative space ever again

[@jadelinny]

No, that's pretty much what she said. With an added layer of "married sex is God's perfect plan and the best thing ever, and if it's not, it's because you masturbated in the past and ruined everything!" Apparently it doesn't take much to ruin god's perfect plan.

[@lunachopin69420]

I’m just like if she as a young girl could facilitate the things that produced an orgasm, in secret with no guidance … I just feel like, with direction, her husband should be able to manage doing something the-same-enough to get her there… but like then that man would have to listen to a woman and respond in a way that prioritizes her pleasure… so like I guess maybe things really aren’t “just that easy” wtf do I know fam

[@lunachopin69420]

Maybe God’s perfect plan for pleasure just needs a software update because it sounds like masturbating was a lot more enjoyable

[@catsmom129]

@@lunachopin69420 exactly. A common sex therapy exercise is for the husband to watch his wife masturbate. Could they not count that as marital intimacy & communication? (Obviously, it can be any sexual partnership. Just saying, within their framework….)

[@sylvia1797]

She even admitted in another video that she wasn't physically attracted to her husband on their wedding day, and she and Bethany were telling their viewers that they should get into a relationship/marry someone they aren't attracted to despite that because they can "work on cultivating that in marriage." It seems like it really hasn't worked out for her, and yet she's still giving advice to viewers from a high horse.

[@cre-k8-ive]

Folks like Girl defined bug me as an asexual person who doesn't want kids. They constantly act like wanting sex is required or that womanhood is about having kids. And they implicitly say that to be human is to want sex and babies. It bothers me because I'm proud of who I am. I'm a pretty cool person. And the idea that I'm somehow less of a woman or less deserving of love than anyone else because of my sexuality just irks me.

[@elmfao1824]

They are really like "don't have any lustful thoughts before marriage but you *must* have them as soon as God says it's okay" lol

[@audreyw9784]

Right?! And when Kristen was like "I've never met someone who masturbated without lustful/ sexual thoughts." Just because you haven't met us, doesn't mean we don't exist! I'm pretty sure god is gray said the same thing. Some of us can just enjoy the moment without thinking about anyone else. Honestly I think of it like a little super power.

[@chiefpurrfect8389]

It’s not only that it’s required of you as a woman, but that it’s required of you to also not enjoy yourself while doing it for me. They just want women to be miserable is all.

[@cre-k8-ive]

@@chiefpurrfect8389 Exactly! I feel like they think if you're suffering, you're loved by God and if you're happy, you aren't. Which is so harmful and just depressing.

[@lisarodriguez6966]

@@audreyw9784 here, here! I do it when I have a hard time sleeping sometimes. No lustful thoughts, either.

[@leemolloy1112]

masturbation can be helpful for people who have been SAed and want to be able to experience sexual pleasure alone in a safe place

[@myapeterson5469]

11:57 If I married someone and then found out that they expected our sex life to be all about serving them they'd get served some divorce papers 😑

[@lyndsaybrown8471]

I'm fairly confident that the full set of verses that she's talking about also mention that husbands are supposed to serve their wives. Somehow, that is often left out of these conversations.

[@marlyd]

"I think it's totally fine if someone who's masturbated a lot in their life wants to talk about masturbation on the Internet" - looks like I found my calling 😂

[@rgs8970]

This is a great start! Live your dreams lol

[@MickeyAtkins]

💀💀💀

[@koivunen2489]

Let's raise our wands! *buzzing noises*

[@chaosspy6723]

@@koivunen2489 I only have the rose. Can I raise it as well?

[@koivunen2489]

@@chaosspy6723 sure!

[@FeministCatLadySpinster]

"Pre marital masturbation"? Yes, we clearly needed another thing to forbid and scrutinize before marriage. 🙄

[@xSwordLilyx]

I guess they must love a Vegas wedding at this point, what a great idea

[@515aleon]

And when she tried to go from masturbation to sex in marriage. Let me guess, he can't find the clitoris. :D :D

[@vylbird8014]

I used to troll on a Christian 'prayer wall' site*. The leadership there tended to think of just about any pre-marital sexual activity as akin to adultery, because it's cheating on your spouse. You may not have actually /met/ your spouse yet - but they are out there, somewhere. Waiting until it is time in God's plan to bring them together. One day you will reach them, and how can they trust you if you have already cheated on them with someone else? Even yourself? You belong to them, so you don't get to make your own decisions. *Actually a pretty nice place in the early days - the founders were nice people who really wanted to help and built a welcoming community. But over the years the ministry grew larger and gradually more and more commercial, and now it's mostly just a site that promotes various for-pay support services and books to overcome 'sex addiction.'

[@kents.2866]

Right? " Don't have sex before marriage." Can I get myself off? "Nope, that's a sin too." Wtf, make up your mind people.

[@vylbird8014]

@@kents.2866 The solution is to get married at eighteen.

[@sabirahnova]

She really sat here and told us she had to stop fantasizing about other things while with her husband-girl check the description box for a therapist LOL

[@audreyw9784]

She literally outed herself about not being attracted to her husband 😅😂

[@luiysia]

or a divorce lawyer yeesh

[@lysziada]

@@audreyw9784 they both have said this in multiple videos

[@gingerfellah5665]

If she masturbated with lustful thoughts and now has difficulties then by that rationale she doesn’t feel lust for her husband

[@nuggetpai]

I would feel sorry for people like Kristen and Bethany, but then I remember that they feel superior to others for following these made up rules.

[@Missmiserie]

Same it’s a weird feeling because they think they’re doing something good

[@MilkChocolateGeese]

multiple truths...both can be true

[@laurenconrad1799]

With these two it’s a constant battle between despising them and feeling sorry for them.

[@FiddlebirdBlue]

@@laurenconrad1799 I call it "despity". Their beliefs and actions are despicable but also feel pity for them lol

[@nicholaslandry6367]

It's looking at them and remember that they fd up sht they preach/do comes from really deep rooted nasty wounds and because they're too afraid to leave the environment that wounded them they're essentially just infected psychic/spiritual/emotional wide open gashes Edit: they're frankly pitiful and deep down within themselves (a place they refuse to explore let alone seek refuge in) they know they're not ok O well

[@rosemosebose]

I started crying when you said “purity culture survivor.” You’re blowing my mind rn, I grew up Roman Catholic and trying to abstain from sex with a former manipulative partner in college (who went through eight months of conversion classes and was baptized so that we could marry and have sex without shame) kinda fucked up my sexual security and I’m still working on it. Thank you for this, holy shit.

[@tarajh]

Sending (consensual) virtual hugs!

[@nicholaslandry6367]

You earned your name

[@FoundSheep-AN]

Are you married? What’s wrong in staying pure and wait for your husband? You just save yourself from the trauma

[@rosemosebose]

@@FoundSheep-AN I’m not married. What’s trauma for someone may be not for another. Anyone who wants to wait til marriage to have sex has the right to do so. Enforcing premarital celibacy and acting like it’s the proper course for everyone can and has bred a culture of predation and manipulation. The purity culture we talk about surviving is the one where consent isn’t ever mentioned. Fornication was a sin in biblical times (times when young women were married off as soon as they menstruated around age 9-14) and while times and social standards change, it’s not reasonable to expect EVERYBODY to abstain from sex until their mid-20s. While sexual freedom and exploration become more common and accepted, we should all remember that choosing to wait until marriage is just as valid as having more than a few sexual partners before marriage.

[@chrysshart]

@@FoundSheep-AN Other people's sexual habits aren't your business.

[@eljayism]

Literal thought police. I remember reading 1984 in high school (as a devout evangelical Christian) and being like, "Waitaminute..."

[@calamityjean1525]

I guess the Anti-Sex League rang a bell!

[@user-mv5zt8qd9l]

If you think _this_ is "literal thought policing," you should go watch the one where they tell their audience that working towards their personal wants and desires are "sick" and "sinful."

[@yeahyeah3013]

the thought policing is the reason im diagnosed with ocd and suffer from suicidal thoughts now 👍🏻

[@CarolineIronwill]

When my daughter was 3, I needed to have a conversation with her, something like "It's okay to touch your vulva, but not on the bus, not at grandma's house. It's a private thing, and you do it in your bedroom with the door closed. And you must always wash your hands before and after."

[@elenarodb9613]

3 years old? Damn, that's very early.

[@thesehandsart]

@@elenarodb9613 it's actually very normal.

[@samhurst735]

@@elenarodb9613 super common with kids even that young! It’s a normal part of childhood development

[@elenarodb9613]

@@thesehandsart to be honest I never considered talking like that to my future daughter so it is brand new to me. Do they, at that age, can start "touching" their parts? Wow, I need to learn about that cause I am kind of confused rn. Thanks for replying tho.

[@jenromano19]

I'm a fully grown adult (39), but I still remember my mom having that same conversation with me around the same age. I always appreciated that she never made masturbation seem shameful or wrong. Actually, she didn't make anything about bodies or sex seem shameful or wrong, and, to this day, we can talk openly about sex. I was very comfortable when I became sexually active, because I grew up in a home where it was treated as a normal, healthy part of life. I knew how to guide my partners, because I'd learned about and explored my body and pleasure on my own. I think that's super-important to having a satisfying sex life- knowing your own body and freely communicating what you like and don't like with your partner. I think small conversations like that with our parents start us on the path to bring sexually healthy and fulfilled. I love how you handled it with your daughter. 💜

[@serpenking]

It's hilarious how she doesn't realize how much of an own against her husband this is

[@AMFibers]

When she talked about retraining her body, I cannot. When I started dating my boyfriend I didn't retain my body, I trained him on how to pleasure me. And now, five years in, we are still learning new things about each other's, and our own, bodies because we communicate with each other. I just feel bad for these women. And honestly, for these men too. My boyfriend has told me that because we communicate about it, he also feels like our sex life keeps improving.

[@laurenconrad1799]

Masturbation gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people don’t sexually shame other women on the internet. (I mean, I wish that were true. Lol)

[@Gazzaxxo]

i literally read that in Elle's voice haha

[@laurenconrad1799]

@@Gazzaxxo 😉

[@sarahbird7398]

I was given the book “Every Young Woman’s Battle” when I was in middle school. There was a story about a woman who said her husband was TOO ROUGH, and somehow, it was HER masturbation habit that made her dislike it. This shit is really unhealthy and I’m so glad more people are talking about it and breaking the cycle.

[@sarcasticsaiset9143]

There's something that feels so weird about not being allowed to masturbate. Like.... It's your own body. How can you believe your own body is off limits to you, but apparently it's ok for your partner to use it??? Does that part of your body belong to your partner in their minds or....?

[@jadelinny]

fr

[@queenmotherhane4374]

And, I mean, why else would the average person be able to get off without assistance?

[@ludmilamaiolini6811]

Actually, according to purity culture, women’s bodies don’t belong to them, or do they? It belongs to your family, community, husband. Historically speaking, if women thought their pleasure was important, they would be less willing to marry whomever their fathers chose for them and remaining faithful

[@dylnpickl846]

Fundamentalism teaches that women's bodies belong to God foremost, and as Kristen said, that all sexual acts should celebrate the covenant of the Christian marriage. So then, both the physical body and the acts and thoughts leading to sexual acts don't belong to you, they belong to God. Fun fact: This can contribute to dissociating from the physical body because it doesn't feel like it's yours. Source: Still recovering from this shit.

[@sarcasticsaiset9143]

@@dylnpickl846 shit dude. I'm sorry you had to go through that 💚

[@IzzysTravelDiaries]

If you're having better sex with yourself than your husband, then that's definitely something you should talk about. I also want to note here that the orgasm gap can also be due to men not listening to their partners. Under a video on TikTok we actually got into a discussion about men who blame women for bad sex life, while not listening to women when they say what they like. Like my ex just totally ignored whatever I told him to do in favour of what he wanted. Then called me frigid and asexual. I had perfectly good sex life with partners before him.

[@calamityjean1525]

"I had perfectly good sex life with partners before him." And after, I hope!

[@IzzysTravelDiaries]

@@calamityjean1525 I don't know yet.

[@stravvman]

"If you're having better sex with yourself than your husband, then that's definitely something you should talk about" Why?

[@catwithevilintentions2632]

​@@stravvmansexual compatibility is important in most successful marriages

[@stravvman]

​@@catwithevilintentions2632 In the phrase I quoted, it was not about compatibility issues, but rather about the idea that if one thing is better than another, that itself constitutes a problem. Which is somewhat strange if you think about it, and indicates some sort of bias (albeit widely held)

[@skinsey85]

I was raised in a strict Christian home but I started really young. I'm talking 6 or 7. Didn't know what I was doing but I did something lol When I'd get caught by my parents, I was told it was a sin and sin means hell. I couldn't stop my body's natural reactions so of course I kept doing it but with fear and shame. I got into an argument with my mom when I was 10 and yelled at her that there's nothing in the Bible about it because I'd tried looking it up and find nothing. Little did I know how those words said in anger couldn't be more accurate and true. But the poor education I got did so much damage and now I'm in my 30's trying to fix my issue surrounding the shame and constant disconnect between my body and brain that's still there because of my upbringing. I wish people would stop preaching such harmful ideas. It's wrong!

[@c.a.fontaine1074]

I've had a similar experience with my mom and it's hard, I recovered I hope you can too.

[@cobblegen1204]

I noted when she cited a verse about not “defiling the marriage bed” that this verse does not actually support her claim. For this verse, if Bible verses are to be accepted as appropriate evidence anyway, to support her point, it would STILL require the presupposition of her beliefs to be true. Girl defined would fail an English 101 class.

[@jamiezuzu7326]

Are you me lol? Same

[@lunarae2266]

Truly so harmful. Same thing kinda happened to me, but I was beaten when they saw me. Again not knowing what I was doing just like whoa I found a hole lol

[@theSkin_of_a_Killer_Bella]

Also noting that 6-7 isn’t actually so young. Many start when they’re smaller, bc as u said- it’s a natural bodily reaction, even if you don’t know. It just goes to show that this is indeed a normal part of humanity, on many different scales.

[@Charlottec968]

why is everything always a struggle for these women?!? surely masturbation is the safest form of sex and if anything, should be promoted to women

[@sunnydoom2726]

With the way things are going in the US and I have been thinking of buying stock in sex toy companies because I think more people will be turning to masturbation...no possible way to get pregnant.

[@syntheticjesso]

No, because it doesn't benefit men, therefore it's bad.

[@grosebud4721]

They literally just don't like it because it's not "gods plan" and it doesn't have to involve one man and one woman. That's it

[@yeahyeah3013]

bc if you're christian and you're not suffering in life it means you're a bad person 😂

[@tealkerberus748]

They don't want women to enjoy sex. There's supposed to be an intellectual satisfaction in doing your duty, satisfying your husband, and getting pregnant as many times as you can before it kills you, but their plans for womanhood do not include physical pleasure from sex.

[@kayhaven4710]

Oh boy this is gonna be about as fun as edging for too long.

[@katieglabe919]

Hey now. No kink shaming. 😉

[@audyshtpostshere4708]

💀💀💀

[@enii22]

😂😂😂

[@Duhgel]

LMAO

[@amylake9064]

.... so incredibly fun?

[@SymbolicallyShallow]

In line with what you mentioned, masturbation is definitely my number one sleep aid above any of the medication I’ve ever been prescribed for insomnia. And it took years for me to get to the point where I can comfortably say something like that. Thanks, purity culture. ❤

[@lisarodriguez6966]

That great! It's my go to when I can't fall asleep, as well.

[@mattmammone2338]

I have severe insomnia, sometimes caused by manic symptoms, and oftentimes I will masturbate, not because I'm obsessed with sex, but because I want to stop thinking about it. It not just physically relaxing, but the post unit clarity really calms my nerves. According to a study of 51,000 men, frequent or regular masturbation to completion was linked to a decrease in prostate cancer diagnosis. I learned this from my ex boyfriend who insisted I should masturbate more often.

[@reigen8320]

same here! if i'm struggling to get to sleep or just lying there without being sleepy, it really does the trick! so cool to hear that it's an experience others share and has a scientific reasoning behind it!

[@chickenelafsworld7105]

Same, I have a bad habit of waking up every hour so if that starts goin down I might masturbate for a little to knock me out for a few more hours.

[@lyndsaybrown8471]

Thought I was the only one. Where have you people been all my life?

[@randl7423]

As a non-religious, grey-ace person with essentially no drive, it was still oddly wonderful to hear you hammer home the message that it is a *morally neutral thing to do*

[@abc-rp2nf]

What's a "gray ace"?

[@randl7423]

@@abc-rp2nf Grey ace refers to the term grey asexual - can mean different things for different people, but asexual usually indicates someone who does not experience sexual attraction (i.e., a lesbian would be asexual when it comes to men - extend that to all genders and you have an asexual person); grey indicates that there may be a very minor/ low-level experience of it and/ or that it is rare to non-existent.

[@abc-rp2nf]

@@randl7423 ok, thank you.

[@barbieblues7639]

To be fair, that doesn't mean anything coming from her because she isn't a moral authority. She should stick to her qualifications in that regard like she rightly tells others to. Like I get it but let's be fair here.

[@erindekker6121]

Brb gonna get my, now politically motivated, rocks off!! Never knew that orgasming is an activist act, thank you micky for that rant. Gonna get me some Bellesa goodies

[@myconfusedmerriment]

Right? Off to perform some acts of political revolution! 🫡

[@barbecuedsimsbaby]

Tbh this is honestly gonna help with the shame, love this new perspective

[@ameliabare8060]

So glad you made this video! I have chronic pain from a few chronic illnesses and I am also a purity culture survivor. I did a chronic pain rehab program a few years ago and was so shocked that they had a whole hour long discussion/lecture about how sex and masturbation can help chronic pain. They even brought out diagrams and passed out free brochures of how to safely have sex as someone with chronic pain/physical disabilities! I really hope that's common for chronic pain programs. Interesting to note, I was still very indoctrinated and involved in purity culture at the time of that so I was very anxious and uncomfortable the whole time that happened. Looking back I wish I grabbed a free brochure 😂

[@renl9893]

So happy for u that u've since realized purity culture was the problem!!! Best of luck in future unlearning ❤

[@ameliabare8060]

@@renl9893 thank you. I've definitely found much more peace and healing in deconstruction than I ever did still in religion

[@soulcakeplatypus6522]

absolutely this!!! when I was undergoing treatment for self-harm due to my chronic pain, one of the tools that they recommend was masturbation cause it gives off the same endorphins as self-harm (and more of them imo). After that lecture in the group, I actually had to go to my 1-1 therapist and ask how one actually masturbated cause I was so deep in purity culture I had no idea

[@neurdogic8909]

while I agree that compulsory heterosexuality is indeed a thing, and a powerful thing at that, the lesbian masterdoc is severely discounting of the bisexual experience and is not a credible source for many reasons. the KZbinr verilybitchie made a very good video about it a while back called "Am I a Lesbian? the Lesbian Masterdoc and Bisexuality". I highly recommend it as she dives deep into the subject and is very wellspoken

[@dopex89]

I love Verily! I'll check out the vid, thanks for sharing

[@neurdogic8909]

verily my beloved

[@faresburwag8841]

But it’s a lesbian masterdoc… not a bisexual masterdoc?

[@Sophia-vk5bq]

I just watched it a few days ago!

[@AppleStrawberryLove]

@@faresburwag8841 but it acts like the only way to be attracted to women is to be a lesbian and spouts a lot of talking points used by biphobic people. The entire section on "but I think I've liked men" is just a blanket denial of bisexuality. It presents attraction as men or women; there is no both. It basically goes "you can like them in the past... but you won't once you've picked women." That is not how sexuality works. And on top of that, people have literally sent that doc to bisexual women as a form of harassment. Also, all this isn't even touching on how it just... acts like non-binary isn't a thing. The doc acts like there's men or women and anything in between is just.... non existent. The doc is trash even if you're a lesbian. But add the others flaws in and it becomes way worse.

[@trixjoyce]

I'm turning 30 next week, and I still need to hear that I'm normal for not orgasm from penetration alone. I have been so conditioned by the media and also by my previous experience as a survivor of sexual assault. I really needed to hear this, since I also grew up Christian with no real sex education. THANK YOU

[@stephanipeloquin4631]

I'm right there with you.

[@LaMara-vv2wq]

Also, happy belated birthday, darling.

[@laurenconrad1799]

It was fascinating when Mickey’s partner asked what was so juicy on Netflix that could be tempting Kristen. Elly from Ex-Fundie diaries mentioned that she didn’t know what porn was while indoctrinated in fundamentalism and she assumed that sexy but non-pornographic films were porn. Titanic and The Duchess starring Keira Knightley come to mind. And with shows like Outlander, it is fascinating to see how far some shows on channels without advertising like HBO can push the envelope while still not technically being porn.

[@xSwordLilyx]

I love that show and the books are even better. Interestingly enough, they're from a christian perspective but it has never crossed a line in that respect in my view, very accepting and loving.

[@Nemamka]

I mean Titanic is pretty * * steamy * * lmao I can totally imagine even myself getting in the mood from that scene because it's such a beautifully written moment for those characters slghdjlghh But seriously, to consider something as porn just because you _know_ the characters are having sex? These people need to touch some grass honestly

[@laurenconrad1799]

Shakespeare in Love is also super steamy. 😏 Not porn, though, since Gwyneth Paltrow and Joseph Fiennes are pretending to have sex on camera and not actually doing the deed.

[@Ojo10]

Oh don't tell em about Brigerton sex scenes lmfao

[@MsIs3]

Having been raised Catholic and having since divested from the entire thing I only have one thing to say: Life is too short to have bad sex. Alone, accompanied, with a partner, with 2 partners, with toys, or WHATEVER...consenting adults should be allowed to do whatever floats their boat without this moralistic constraints that serve no purpose other than to keep people oppressed. These people always tell on themselves. How boring must their lives be when you can't even be safe inside your own mind...

[@queenmotherhane4374]

Raised Catholic, too, and was a 100% certified virgin when I got married at 20. My mother, however, taught me that it’s absolutely OK to be selfish about making sure you get sexual pleasure in your marriage.

[@megwalker8790]

I’m a Christian, and this channel is so healing from some of the (unbiblical btw!) ideas I was raised with, such as the shame and stigma around masturbation. Thank you for what you do, Mickey!

[@fairydust981]

Girl same

[@chickenelafsworld7105]

Us Christian Girlies really be healing that religious trauma these days

[@fiery_scream]

Mickey's quick "you don't have to have an orgasm either" made me feel seen lmao. I remember scouring the internet in a panic a few months back, thinking I was masturbating "incorrectly" because I never orgasm. I kept blaming my body instead of considering my body just doesn't require an O to feel satisfied lol. Everyone's different and there's no "right" way to pleasure yourself (including not pleasuring yourself at all!). I hope Kristin/Kristen(?) and Bethy learn this someday but I sadly doubt it.

[@danielladaurizio9692]

I feel like I wrote this comment lol I also don't orgasm when I masturbate and it's not like I don't try. However you can still have a good time without having an orgasm and I just need to remind myself that when the thought makes me feel insecure haha

[@churka5984]

Just curious: How do you know when you're done masturbating or having sex? I, for example, don't stop feeling the intense desire and arousal until the orgasm shuts it down.

[@nanetteisontheinternet]

As someone who uses masturbation for relief from chronic migraines, as a coping mechanism, and just for fun sometimes, thank you for making this. I come from a Catholic and fundamentalist Christian background and hadn’t heard of purity culture until this video. I had always felt like a pervert just for masturbating and especially for watching porn. I still feel disgusted at myself for watching porn. So again thank you for this video

[@Rachelle_art]

The verse she mentioned about the marriage bed not being defiled probably is talking about cheating. So...yeah... not about pleasuring yourself.

[@Freaky0Nina]

To be honest. 'Marriage bed defiled' is such a vague choice of words, and then, you could porlly look into other translations of the bible which would prolly comolicate things further. What even is a defiled marriage bed. Maybe it just means that you should only sleep in clean bedsheets. It doesn't even have to mean sex.

[@SpaceCadette7653]

I do want to say that as a survivor i used masturbation as a way to confront and heal from my trauma. I realized that the more I relearned to be comfortable just by myself slowly, and I mean it took years, led to me wanting to have a partner again. I feel like that's a really important conversation among survivors. And of course, I also went through science-based therapy with a professional as well. But that was a huge part of my healing.

[@lenallon]

Totally get the part of "seeing sex a way to serve another person." I grew up in a very conservative background and only left the faith a year ago. When I went wedding dress shopping with my mother a few years back, I remember her telling me that the key to having a happy marriage is never say no to sex. She said that in her almost 30-year marriage she had never told my dad she was in the mood. It was a pretty common view to me at the time, but thinking about it now, I realize how problematic it is.

[@MsMSB2012]

I grew up in purity culture. I wasn't able to please myself until this year, after months with a s** therapist. Changed my life.

[@Nexibis]

I’m very sexually active and I do not understand the claim (particularly for people with vulvas) that masturbation will make it difficult to achieve orgasm with a partner. Like masturbation helped me better understand my body, what gets me off and how to talk to my partners about what feels good. I feel like this is so telling that these women’s sex lives are so poor and boring and unsatisfactory.

[@_Chlorophyllis]

45:04 I learned I was bisexual during my deconstruction era and amazingly alot of the self hate I harbored from growing up in the church began to melt away

[@FruitBasketyay]

I feel like there is another less important edge to this discussion. There is some of us that never actually masturbated, not successfully at least and it also impacts our relationships that we aren't capable of knowing how to help our partner help us feel pleasure. It can be a really big hurdle

[@YokozunaNumber1]

I was in a church where maturbation is considered so bad that you could be excommunicated. A church leader drove me to a park and then asked me about any sexual history to see if I had moral character. The sarcastic jerk I am, I answered Yes to all of them, which included a question as to whether I'd ever dp'ed a woman with another guy (🤣) but it was the masturbation question that really ticked him off. He told me that anyone who touches themselves is a technical homosexual because a guy touching himself is still touching a man (🤔). He also said that guys with glasses are more likely to be masturbators because it, as he insisted, it makes you go blind. Noctural emissions? Pray for help. Touch your junk in the shower? Pray for help. Any sexual thoughts toward a woman other than your wife? Pray for help. The weird thing is, several people were known to have cheated on their spouses ang got wrist slaps, including a woman who got knocked up by her lover, but the mere idea of someone jerking off was somehow more taboo. EDIT: Oh! I can't forget this: The park he drove me to was NOTORIOUS for being a pickup spot for gay sex. Hhmmm....I wonder why he chose that spot. 😚

[@barbecuedsimsbaby]

Hey the fact he did that was very predatory, if I was in that situation I would be scared that I'm gonna get S/Ad again 😨

[@luniasta]

I was brought up catholic and the first time I went to therapy, my therapist listed masturbation as something I can do for myself as self care and it was the first time when I really heard it talked about without stigma or shame about it. It was life changing for me. Thank you for this video.

[@coronatemewithaduncecap]

"Exceedingly normal" is such a sick burn out of context. I'm gonna use it now

[@catherines.169]

First! Mickey, I really appreciate how you explicitly make space for all the different ways that people are oriented - both for the inclusion, and also for education.

[@theKaraProject]

I also started crying at the phrase “purity culture survivor”, I didn’t expect that lol. Mickey, Thank you for this video, I’m a survivor of purity culture and I’m still trying to unlearn the shame I have around masturbation. Here’s to the healing process everyone! ❤

[@tomisaacson2762]

This video was really cathartic and validating. I was raised in a religious Muslim family and community that was intensely sex-negative and have so many memories from a very young age of feeling intense guilt and self-hatred for having sexual thoughts, which got a lot worse once I started masturbating. It took me a long time and a lot of work to learn to stop treating my sexuality like it was something shameful and dirty.

[@Vesperrv]

Omg I saw masturbation in the title and I was immediately drawn in. When I was married my husband walked in on me doing the deed one time lol and he brought it up in our couples therapy session, not because he was upset that I did it but because he jealous i had my phone in my room, he was very possessive and thought I could have been talking to someone else, I wasn't. But the therapist we had shamed me for the rest of the session for how I was disgusting and I had a problem and I need to get help.... like it wasn't like that at all. I got so upset and was humiliated about it, because I knew if it had been the other way around he would not be saying these things about my ex. Plus this wasn't even the issue! I brought it up with my therapist who was disgusted by what was said to me. I went off on our couples therapist on our next session.

[@7ven7venty7venArtworks]

Mickey you’re so incredible lol I can’t even handle it sometimes 🎉❤ I’ve had ‘womanly’ pain so severe all my life that, at one point, I’d faint spontaneously from the pain throughout my cycle… things are much better now as I’ve gotten older- but at one point, when talking to my gynecologist regarding the pain (I was already sexually active at this point) she LITERALLY TOLD ME TO HAVE SEX or take care of myself that way because of the pain relief it can generate…and I can promise that it helps(ed) lol but like, that doesn’t mean I’m darned to heck forever… 😂 (though I might be for other things lmao) thank you for all you do Mickey! Spreading truth and education, sprinkled with sass and filled with love, understanding, and safety!!! ❤

[@7ven7venty7venArtworks]

I posted this 10 minutes in…I’m now like 13 minutes in and GOOD god, KristaBeth gets worse… 😳🤦🏻‍♀️😵‍💫

[@7ven7venty7venArtworks]

‘The marriage bed is meant for *serving* ‘ … 🫠 like, sure? …but I have a weird feeling she means that as Eve serving Adam and dats ‘bout it… EDIT- MICKEY get out of my brainnn 🤯👏🏻 yasss queen!

[@prismo1428]

I’m convinced that she thinks sex for the woman should not be pleasurable at all at this point.

[@barbecuedsimsbaby]

Hey, fact is pretty convincing, I know for a fact she thinks that way. 🥲

[@isadore7221]

Someone put it so well when they said Christianity makes a lot of things "sinful" because they rely on your shame to have power over you. You're not supposed to succeed, you're supposed to be controlled.

[@TarotLadyLissa]

I have CRPS, one of the most painful conditions. My pain management team and I have talked about orgasms and their role in releasing pain-relieving hormones. It doesn't always work, but if I'm having a pain flare I grab my "pebble" (IYKYK)! It's definitely pain-reducing. In my case, it doesn't alleviate it completely, but it reduces it to a bearable level!

[@winter5673]

I’d like to offer my perspective as a Christian. I don’t think God sets us up to fail in this regard. Our hunger, thirst, our drive to sleep, and other bodily drives are helpful and good for the vast majority of people. Sure there are eating disorders, and sexual disorders too, but Girl Defined (and my culture growing up) act like EVERYONE’S a sex addict. You can be sexual and unmarried and love God. Thank you Mickey for creating such a nice space to talk about such difficult things.

[@tangentreverent4821]

To quote someone's PhD thesis statement Sex is nice and pleasure is good for you. Pleasure is good for you, yes, there are the complicating factors of addiction, consent, danger and desensitization, but by itself pleasure is good. (Consent isn't just about other people, if we aren't in the right frame of mind for a pleasure that we want, it can be not pleasurable.)

[@canavarisvhenan]

Mickey, I just wanted to say THANK YOU for being so open and honest about sex, and particularly about what is okay to talk about with your therapist. I grew up Catholic and felt so much shame around sex for so long and having people like you talk about these things is so fucking important and I just really, really appreciate it.

[@emp6591]

The thing is, people who follow Girl Defined's view of sexuality and sex still can use things like vibrators in their marriages. I feel like a lot of them don't though because of these views around masturbation and the stereotype that toys are only used for solitary masturbation, and/or the thought that it would "hurt men's feelings" if they brought up toys. It's possibly the phallocentric thing brought up in the wikipedia article, and the concept that a penis is "not good enough" to bring a vagina owner to orgasm. Like, yeah, most of the time it isn't. And that should be okay

[@dylnpickl846]

In my past experience, using sex toys or even trying positions that are "too experimental" is considered "unnecessary", since sex is supposed to be for procreation. Or at least, "a celebration of the covenant of marriage", like Kristen said. Depending who you're talking to, "unnecessary" could mean sinful and wrong. The general shame keeps most Fundies from having any open opinions about it.

[@Greatlakes-z9s]

The word choice of ‘serving’ is SO DANGEROUS! Thank you for speaking o this because women need to know that sexual acts and the words of ‘serving’ is often used by men towards women! This is dangerous! Thank you for eloquently speaking on such a beautiful thing each women has~ our own choices regarding our own anatomy!

[@barbecuedsimsbaby]

The only 'serving' I believe in is SERVING HONEYYY 💅💅💅💅💅

[@c.hansen3139]

A huge problem with their mindset is that once married there isn't a magic switch that goes off, suddenly allowing you to feel "gung ho" in experiencing your sexuality. Also, the messages can come back to haunt you years later.

[@mintyfreshest]

The AP statistics student in me is dying at the fact that kristen says her habits before marriage are the reason she had trouble with her husband. If she'd asked purity culture entrenched women who had never had "lustful thoughts" or masturbated before marriage they all would have said they had the same experience she did, the only difference is that Kristen has something else to compare it to. its like saying "it was hard for me to learn how to drive because I'm so used to riding my bike" but its also hard for people who never rode a bike to learn how to drive too, because driving is just a brand new skillset that you don't know. Because humans can't magically intuitively drive a car the way that they can't intuitively have an amazing sex life with someone who knows next to nothing about how their body works.

[@hhgreene]

Is it just me? When you can know something isn’t right, but don’t exactly know why and could easily explain it to someone else. Thank you so much for posting these videos. They’ve been incredibly helpful as I try to understand and heal from certain dynamics within my family. Thank you so much. You’ve got a gift.

[@delphinedelphinedelphine]

Mickey, I love the every-5-second interruptions! There's so much wrong with Girl Defined content, it's great that you are so thorough ❤️

[@lacolocha_jb]

after years of being SA’d by a close family friend and feeling as though my body didn’t belong to me and that my only purpose in life was to be used like some toy-i found masturbation as one of my ways to cope with the trauma and to take back my power over my body and want I WANTED to do with it. for her to sit there and act as though masturbation is this horrible thing, is beyond invalidating and infuriating. with that being said, I’m so thankful for experts like yourself to be talking about this issue openly, safely, and consciously; it truly helps in a tremendous way

[@barbecuedsimsbaby]

I've been assaulted by a few people in my time (17 years, it wasn't rape, just touch) and yeah it can really help, so happy that you're healing!

[@cristinab2263]

I've told my husband that in the very rare instances I ever watch porn, I choose from the 'lesbian category' (even though I'm hetero) because they focus on the woman. I'm happy to see more acknowledgement of the lack of focus on female pleasure.

[@roxassora2706]

That and the sex looks as real as porn can be.

[@nietzscha5056]

Does she think touching yourself or using toys during sex is wrong? Like... you can do many of the same things during sex that you do during solo play. Also, you can teach him how to do those same things to you, just as he should be able to tell you what feels good for him. I want to know where the line is for her, and how complicated that must be to navigate.

[@brooke9188]

Not sure how actually significant this is, I haven’t watched much of Girl Defined. But in the beginning, when she asked people to share their “questions” so she can answer for them instead of people’s thoughts in general says a lot.

[@blainecock]

As a trans guy on T, I can definitely vouch for the power of the clitoris LMFAO 🙏

[@anangoohns]

Lmao i started T only 2 mo ago and I'm already starting to get the Horny BoostTM V excited about upcoming developments in that area, so to speak 😉

[@laurahill7568]

The amount of panic I had when I started being sexually active at 25. That's what this "belief" does to people. Also I know alot of people that the only reason they got married was because they wanted to have sex and they hate each other now.

[@dontmindmejustlurking4012]

Great video as always! As both a bio/psych student and someone on the ace spectrum, I truly find the science behind masterbation and orgasms so fascinating. As was said in the video sexual arousal is linked with many positive effects on the body. One fun sex fact I recently learned is that some studies have linked orgasms with increased immune system response. So for those who feel so inclined, maybe try exploring your body through masturbation as we enter this cold and flu season. Disclaimer- this is not medical advice by any means and it is always best to follow the advice of your GP.

[@Zanyotaku]

ty so much for the coupon mickey! As someone with chronic pelvic pain a big part of treatment of my pelvic floor was using dilators, vibrators, and wands to not only reduce my pain but give me vital functions back (like the ability to PEE, my muscles were so atrophied after surgeries and certain treatments for my endometriosis I had to get muscle tone back enough so I didn't destroy my kidneys with fluid backup. Which could totally kill you. Also stopped me from having prolapsed organs!) I honestly shudder to think that what if someone like girl defined, etc. had the sort of health problems I had? Would they consider seeing a pelvic therapist immoral? Would they rebuff the use of dilators or wands to relax and stimulate the pelvic floor? Orgasms are a pretty powerful pelvic workout and are pretty great for restoring muscle tone, blood flow, and promote healing to injured parts of the pelvis once you're strong enough to tolerate them, absolutely grand for maintaining the health of those muscles. After graduating from dilators sex toys have done more for my chronic pain than opiates. I also seriously have to roll my eyes, hearing them talk about desire takes me way back to Sunday school when I was an asexual kid exploring my sexual feelings, or rather the sensations that would cure the weird feeling I got when I hit puberty that made me incredibly antsy a few times a month (took me a minute to figure out what it was, I wasn't aroused by others and I couldn't figure out what caused the desire!). I was told the "issue" was the "lustful thoughts" so I said "aha, but what if you don't have any lustful thoughts? It's just a sensation!" the Sunday school teacher told me it was impossible to masturbate without sexual thoughts.... I mean, as an adult they sorta help, but I still don't think it's 100% needed XD. Ohh the human experience is a lot stranger and a lot more vast than they are willing to know.

[@aidenisduranarzuaga4030]

Im a recent subscriber, not sure who’s in the background lol, but their commentary is so spot on lmao. I’m so here for it

[@aurelia3494]

I cannot thank you enough for making those videos that are having a huge impact in my deconstruction journey!

[@Petty_Mason]

OMG I’m 60 and this is the first time I’m seeing the whole clitoris! That explains a lot.

[@bellllaaa]

As much as I hate the damaging messages GD spreads, at the end of the day I just feel terrible for these women. Like many women, purity culture has broken them.

[@phoenixrising6868]

When I have the worst migraine, I rub one out and the migraine is gone! Better then any pills!

[@emmieellis6116]

If there’s anything Fundies are good at, it’s taking a nuanced issue and removing all nuance from said issue. Limitlessly frustrating.

[@marlyd]

Also removing all the fun

[@awkwardasfuckus8065]

Removing nuance is the perfect description.

[@barbecuedsimsbaby]

You, it's on purpose so you either give up and agree or give up and walk away and they can suck their own ass about 'winning' the argument (even though that is not a won argument.).

[@uffwhi4898]

wow this fundamental christians are really experiencing life in a completely different way than i am and the realization hits me like a truck every time i see on e of their videos omg girl defined over there saying you can't masturbate in a god honoring way while one time i came so hard i had a mystical experience, but to each their own i guess

[@nothingrhymeswithorange5797]

WHAT LMFAO

[@mad1739]

As someone who is looking to be a counsellor or therapist in the future I just want to say you are a huge inspiration and watching your channel always makes me feel passionate and excited about my future and the possibility of bringing as much positive healing energy as you do in these videos to future clients. Please continue to make these as long as you feel able to do so, they are so important ❤️

[@elleofhearts8471]

28:00 very telling how she mentioned specifically being single here. Shame culture is what drives Christians to getting married when they're barely legal. Wanting to get off but in a God-honoring way. Shame culture is backed by weird rules that serve to do nothing but leave you without control over your own body, sexual pleasure, and expression. And all for whose benefit? If youre not the one controlling your sexual pleasure, who is? And why should anyone have control over your body and sexual pleasure instead of you, the person occupying your body in the frist place?

[@myconfusedmerriment]

Yeah, I watched so many Christian couples get married super young and get SO FOCUSED on getting married as soon as possible. I felt bad for them later on because I have to wonder how many of those relationships failed or became stagnant because they felt the need to commit so young.

[@elleofhearts8471]

@@myconfusedmerriment its no wonder to me as to why they fail so often. When you havent had the chance to become a self-actualized individual who has developed a sense of self outside of the context of a romantic relationship/serious interpersonal commitment, its not gonna go well. Theres so much of life and self that you dont get to experience when you get married young, and when you become aware of what youve been missing and whats been kept from you your whole life, it opens your eyes and you dont want a high control religious lifestyle anymore. It changes your wants and needs. Its not good for relationships to mean discouragement of internal and external exploration. But thats the trick. Thats why young people are pressured to marry ASAP instead, of say, 30 year olds. You cant miss what you never had and young people dont have enough life experience to know better on their own. And when you make reproduction inextricably linked with marriage, then youll have two young people too distracted by their dependance upon and the social pressure from their religious community and the demands of parenthood and marriage to worry about what they might be missing. Parents can more easily engineer the environment and influences of their children in their formative years than they can when theyre of legal age and all it takes is for religious communities to induct the parents. When you control the parents, you control the children. And so the cycle goes.

[@airieair535]

Thank you so much for talking about these issues. I was affected by this “purity culture” and it’s causing me a lot of difficulty exploring my sexuality now (especially since in my country it’s hard to find material on the topic). Really, thank you so much for educating people on these topics, it helps a lot:)

[@Dzaeli]

I use masturbation for pain management, and when I'm having persistent pain sometimes I will read romance/sexy fanfic and never actually masturbate because I just need the endorphins and distraction to cope. If I can find methods to reduce how many pain meds I'm taking I call that a win for me and my liver.

[@chomskyjunior]

your videos have helped me so much, just by listening to what you’ve said about intimacy i’ve learned a lot and have been able to understand my feelings towards sex. i’m so thankful for your channel. you do very important work Mickey! thank you!

[@betterthanrae8137]

i love how christians can make these firm moral determinations, without ever explaining WHY or WHAT makes a thing bad. they can fill hours of time with words, never being specific and dancing around any kind of reasoning. its actually kind of impressive how much nonsense filler words can go by, without ever landing on an actual thought process.

[@xXCutiBearXx]

Mickey I came here to say that I'm so, SOOO thankful for the Bellesa sponsorship. I finally decided to get the red vibrator and it's changed my life. I always thought vibrators would never work for me and that I was somehow broken and this is the first one that does. THANK YOU!!

[@kp-da]

Mickey!!! You, your facial expressions, your shared expertise, your attitude >>>>>> ♡♡♡♡ you are simply the best and THANK YOU for this amazing work you do. ☆

[@tallmoth]

thank you for this. i was a christian until two years and and used to feel so much shame after engaging in self-pleasure even though i've been doing it since i was 13. no one told me explicitly that it was wrong, it was just heavily implied as it was associated with amabs and p*rn addiction (thank you youth pastors). it was worse since i'm queer and thought something was wrong with me. thankfully my therapist and channels like this one have helped me accept myself, and feel "morally neutral" about it. 💗

[@elmfao1824]

Wait until Girl Defined find out that some people get married without sexual *OR* romantic attraction.

[@samsiepie2.067]

I actually saw your video being used as in another video essay for proof of something having to do with better help, and I thought you spoke so eloquently! Literally two days later, here you are in my recommended! I'm so happy I found your channel again (:

[@YrkH8r]

I don't view masturbation as a bad thing in and of itself. I did learn that I used it as a pressure relief system for years when I was experiencing burnout. It became a sort of barometer of how stressed I was. I maxed out at around seven times a day at the worst, but that doesn't make the act itself bad. It was the joyless, compulsive use of it to cope instead of doing the healthy thing of taking a step back, taking a break, delegating tasks, etc. A few times a week is healthy for me. That many times a day? No. It's actually helpful to have it as a sort of early warning system. I don't have anything against mastrbatuon itself. I encourage my husband to do it if he feels so inclined because neither of us should be ashamed of wanting pleasure if the other person isn't present or doesn't feel up to participating in sex. I just know for myself it can get compulsive so I keep track of it and try to abstain if l think it's getting out of hand (pun intended? Lol.)

[@lettinggrace]

Yes same here it can become a compulsive thing for me as well. It rly doesn't make sense why doing something that relieves stress to your body and feels good is bad even from a Christian perspective especially the struggles people have been having after they get married who have been taught purity culture.

[@chrysshart]

She's right that sin has ruined healthy human sexuality, but not in the way that she thinks. Believing that consenting encounters between adults (or a person and their own body) is worthy of eternal torture is what's causing the ruin. And just think how much healthier so many of their relationships could be if they could make sure their kinks align *before* pledging themselves for life. Thank you again for being so awesome and inclusive. It's so validating to hear you expressing the same frustration and alarm that I'm feeling watching along with you.

[@AChickandaDuck]

Kristen: “There is no pouring out” girl, speak for yourself

[@KnittedCats-j2h]

If God didn't want me to"ring the devils doorbell" outside of marriage, then why did he hook up the "doorbell" before I'm married?

[@brookewormy]

In the wake of the Club Q shooting, and all the other shit happening, would you consider doing a video about how to deal with mass trauma and grief, and the fear that nothing, nowhere, and no one are safe anymore? Every day there's another tragedy to digest, and it's getting harder and harder to find the will to keep fighting

[@breew7126]

awesome video...i worry mostly about girls between 8 and 16 watching girl defined and being taught this nonsense without having the experience to know its nonsense. also, with the food and sex comparison i would say food issues are definitely worse...at least you can abstain from sex. you can't do that with food 🤣

[@lisah3460]

And a person may be concerned if a underage girl see this video.

[@jencendiary]

@@lisah3460 Why would a person be concerned if a young person saw a medically accurate reaction video to a religious kook who is TARGETING young people for indoctrination?

[@CaoticDreams]

I recently discovered this channel and it's been a helpful aid in deconstructing some of the teachings and experiences I had growing up regarding purity culture, SA, etc from living in a Mormon household that all but demonized any kind of sexual or intimate experiences - if the topic was even discussed at all, which was honestly didn't really happen until I was about 14. So I'm commenting for the algorithm to help your channel reach other people who need it. ..... Bethy: "You can't masturbate without having some kind of sexual thought" Me: Hmmm... Nope. 9 times out of 10, I don't even think about what I'm doing or think anything sexual at all if I'm masturbating. I do it mostly for stress relief, honestly, so I just let myself *feel* without having to think at all about anything. ETA: Right after that Mickey talked about using it for chronic pain. That is another reason why I masturbate. It's usually related to the stress relief part, but I have a couple of conditions that cause chronic pain that masturbation has also helped me with on occasion. It is SUPER rare that I use masturbation purely for sexual reasons.

[@rookSALT]

Being under informed or ill informed about sexuality can be really harmful too! it makes it so much easier to be taken advantage of