Therapist Reacts to Lori Alexander | Transformed Wife Says Only Virgins Have Good Marriages?!

[@MickeyAtkins]

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[@marahbmusic]

you are amazing, new here and i am hooked!!

[@Zanyotaku]

I've really enjoyed Bellesa having toys that are inclusive to people with painful penetration, I think they're among the very few shops I've seen that advertise small didlos and vibrators in a positive light.

[@Ali-kf5bd]

Saying the thing about reduced oxytocin is so messed up when you think about people who have gotten out of abusive relationships. You already feel like that person has ruined you emotionally and now some broad is telling you that your ability to love again is in fact damaged? Stay in your fucking lane Lori. You aren't a scientist.

[@hzuzh]

Don't mothers bond with newborns through oxitocin too? So you shouldn't have more than one child because the more you have the less you are able to love them by that logic

[@abbywolf9701]

Oh but children aren’t there to be loved, they’re there to build an army for the lord! 🙃🙃

[@user-mv5zt8qd9l]

@@abbywolf9701 that would be amusing if it weren't the literal pro-birth underpinning of fundie culture

[@happytofu5]

I thought the same!

[@kanjonojigoku8644]

This woman wrote a book about how to beat, slap, and waterboard your toddler so they're obedient so i dont think she gives any love to her own

[@Ashaliyeva]

@@kanjonojigoku8644 did she really?? 😰 I know that Michael and Debi Pearl wrote a horrible book like that, but I didn’t know that The Trashformed Wife did the same. How frickin’ sad.

[@bean3550]

An anecdote about oxytocin specifically: when I was born, the nurses tried to make my mom instantly start breastfeeding even though she was barely conscious from exhaustion and epidurals. The nurse insisted she needed to "establish a bond" as soon as possible, to which my mom said "I have 18 years to establish a bond" and passed out. 26 years layer and I think our bond is doing pretty well lol

[@deusex9731]

the "and passed out" just makes it really funny xD

[@britneynaude]

How is the oxytocin supposed to know you're only sleeping with one person? If it wears down over time, wouldn't it be the same levels at your twentieth time sleeping with one person or if you slept with twenty people once each?

[@BaddeGrasse]

No if you see a nice sunrise one time your brain wont let you love your husband, hashtag science fact

[@odorutori]

@@BaddeGrasse or if you get a hug from your mom. It will fuck with the oxytocin

[@happytofu5]

by the same logic, you should not breastfeed more than one child and I don't think that she would want that to happen

[@dangerbirb4981]

Stop petting dogs if you want to have a good marriage.

[@theeccentric7263]

@@dangerbirb4981 Stop feeling joy if you want to have a happy message.

[@brookep4464]

so you must withhold sex from your boyfriend to coerce him into marrying you but once he marries you, you aren't allowed to withhold sex from him for any reason in any context and we are supposed to want this because....??????

[@Petty_Mason]

Sorta like living a hellish life so you can sing gods praises for eternity

[@flameepidemic4839]

Because this lady is bullshitting lol yes its better to wait till marriage soley so it can be more special, youll know for sure you wont have any stds because you havent had sex, and also youll know he or she wasnt with you just for sex. Other than that religious reasons

[@elleofhearts8471]

in any case, she's advocating weaponizing sex/desirability to get what you want from men, seeing yourself as a sex object/gatekeeper of sex, and as objectifying yourself for the pleasureof men. and I guarantee Lori considers secular women who do the same but not to gain marriage, wh*res and gold diggers. such a hypocrite.

[@theeccentric7263]

No wonder straight couple hate their partners like this is built in resentment.

[@Oreo-gd2zq]

@@flameepidemic4839 it's not better for everyone to wait for marriage. I'd bet it's not even better for most people.

[@Emogothgirl87]

Lol we all saw how well being a virgin before marriage ended in a bitter divorce for Steven Crowder 😂

[@toriwheelis4084]

He's also so abusive. Turns out that militant fundie lifestyle is super unhealthy

[@Lovelyasdfghjkl]

My husband and I were “both” virgins (I don’t know if I still believe he was) and he still cheated emotionally on me and I don’t know if I even believe he never cheated physically either so virginity is just a power and control issue

[@phantomvampyressshadowkiss4690]

Lori alexander is the biggest hypocrite and women basher covert narcissist out there.

[@UlexiteTVStoneLexite]

Yeah my husband I didn't wait till we got married and we got married before Crowder did and he is a year older than us and we are still married. Crowder couldn't even last 10 years and my husband and I are celebrating 13 this year. So much for Crowders claims that waiting makes for a better marriage

[@aleciabernardoni1255]

Oxytocin is often used in labor and delivery to strengthen contractions

[@helenr4300]

Ma'am, your body can produce plenty of oxytocin and any other hormones and biochemicals - it is not a limited supply to run out off, also released through time with a pet. (edited to clarify non sexual!!🙃)

[@BaddeGrasse]

Crap i have a cat, i wont be able to love a husband! Future marriage ruined by having seen a pretty flower once 😂

[@imthemapimthemap]

@@BaddeGrasse hahahaha this is the best response to a great comment; I guess I won't be able to bond with my future husband since my dog is my #1 priority

[@helenr4300]

@@BaddeGrasse I already know that patting another dog is tantamount to infidelity in the mind of my floof

[@ouwebrood497]

I'm so done with the oxytocin trope from those reactionary theocrats. But while you bring up the pets: I had always a crush on somebody, like, really fallen in love like there is no tomorrow. It was unhealthy. Once I had two cats it stopped, apparantly they substituted some craving. Maybe oxytocin? I don't know. But makes me think.

[@teesh871]

*disappointed in fundamentalist*

[@t_ylr]

Ex-Sunday school teacher here. Not that it matters, but she's taking the "better to marry than burn" verse out of context lol. Right before that the apostle Paul says he wishes everyone was like him. He was celibate and didn't have a wife. Paul wishes everyone could be celibate and just spend all their time traveling around preaching about Jesus. Then he says if you desire sexual intimacy then it's better to marry. He's not saying every single man "burns" therefore then need to marry them and be given sex haha.

[@scarlettredding]

Thank you lol 💯

[@ratboy2]

thats so funny omg 💀

[@maryeckel9682]

I'm pretty sure Paul was ace.

[@t_ylr]

@@maryeckel9682 haha maybe. I'm not an expert on Judaism so i could be wrong, but i don't think they have traditions of celibacy. It's kinda weird for Paul to be an unmarried adult, especially for a rabbi.

[@spOOkytimes]

Thank you for pointing this out. Eisegesis (taking bible verses out of context and assigning meaning to them alone) is rampant in this community, because they just want there confirmation biases fulfilled rather than to actually think for themselves and critically study the bible which can lead to idolatry of beliefs, groups, group leaders, etc. Its one of the many reasons people are leaving churches, even Christianity, in droves, leaving the extremists behind. The "secular world" is not driving people away from religion, they are by making the "secular world" the superior choice.

[@Swarmofbees123]

I feel so bad for these women! Like if you think s*x is a chore or a duty, then you're doing it wrong

[@elleofhearts8471]

and I can also mean that you're asexual or sex repulsed. Which are both valid and require soul searching to realize, but of course, sexual exploration and questioning heteronormative ideals is unholy and satanic 😒🙄

[@Bexstarartist]

Yes or asexual and it’s all valid. Repression is insane

[@miglek9613]

@@elleofhearts8471 or homosexual and don't know that's an option (or that it counts as sex)

[@AngelDeed]

Or your partner is doing it wrong and doesn't care about you....

[@Thewrongshoesotherchannel]

It would be if it's something forced on you like a job as the transformed wife sees it

[@namedrop721]

It’s just absolutely wild that she thinks that being a virgin will mean she gets handed a good marriage and a good husband. That’s what still gets me about these crazies.

[@marshatolbert154]

Yes! I was taught to believe that as well, and fell for that lie, along with the one about wives being submissive. I'm here to tell you that it is not the magic formula one is led to believe. My "Christian" husband was abusive, and our "couselors" told me that I wasn't submissive enough. It took a long time to unpack that nonsense, much longer than the marriage lasted. I certainly didn't teach that drivel to my own child.

[@disorganizedclutter5513]

@@marshatolbert154 Sorry that happened to you.

[@lindsayceara]

@@marshatolbert154 Christians aren’t abusive! So, you didn’t actually have a Christian/godly husband. I hope that you still find the right one though and live for Jesus again :)

[@marshatolbert154]

@@lindsayceara Wow, you’re next level delusional. While I agree that being abusive is contrary to the teachings of Jesus, that doesn’t change the fact that my ex husband claimed to be Christian. It also doesn’t change the reality that many Christians, churches and ministries such as the counselors I mentioned claim that their teachings carry the authority of Christ. They claim that women should be under the earthly authority of men in all matters, and that is a heretical and inherently abusive position. For you to pretend otherwise makes you a false witness. For you to believe otherwise makes you a fool. Finally, I do not need another husband to follow Jesus. For you to link having the “right” husband and living for Jesus just proves you are a heretic. Take your nonsense elsewhere.

[@onti__veros]

​@@lindsaycearagoogle "No true Scotsman" fallacy

[@tokkia1384]

I waited for marriage because I grew up in a religious household and I deeply regret it. I also found out that I wasn’t straight and was confused for years because I never had a positive representation of non-heterosexual relationships.

[@namedrop721]

I’m so sorry. Add in child SA for me and wow, it’s a whole terrible fetter on the mind, emotions and agency. Plus once you get married in that paradigm the messaging is ‘you have to have sex with your husband even when you don’t want to’….which is also SA

[@PetMama1313]

@@namedrop721 Agreed. I was SA'd as a child too, and I had lived in this conservative a family, oh my gosh that would have sucked. Every time they bring up this BS they fail to realize how it also harms those that MIGHT have chosen that way of doing things but HAD NO CHOICE because they were childhood SA'd by someone close to them or multiple someones. Which also is far more common in more religiously strict households too.

[@maryeckel9682]

I am forever glad I didn't marry within the churches I was in. It would have been a really awkward way to realize I'm demi.

[@parrotsontheplateau3488]

Didn't she compare having sex with her husband to cleaning a toilet? I think she said something along the lines of "a duty to have sex like it's a duty to clean the toilet, just something that needs to be done" Its been a while, but I think that was her. That same same bleak defeated looking expression that she has in this video.

[@happytofu5]

That sounds so horrible.

[@user-mv5zt8qd9l]

Yes, that was Lori who said that

[@lindseystein9676]

Yeah, she’s compared sex with your husband with chores on multiple occasions. It’s a sad way to think of sex with someone… it definitely shouldnt be a chore or feel like a chore

[@zahraakadhem9913]

I am baffled why anybody would willingly live like this. Like God wants you to make your life as miserable as possible.

[@maryeckel9682]

"Lie back and think of American Jesus."

[@moonlighthowling666]

The waiting until marriage comes from such a place of privilege. Not everyone is able to pick how and when they lose their virginity, and it's so telling when that doesn't even cross someone's mind

[@bkk1996]

That's an excellent point.

[@koivunen2489]

I've read a recount from an OB/GYN on when they were treating a young girl who'd been SAed, and the girl was very worried about the loss of her virginity. The doctor assured her that she was still a virgin (because as we already know, virginity is a social construct) and that this crime didn't take that away from her; it's something for her to either hold on to or share with someone later when she's ready. While I'm not a huge fan of the concept of virginity as a whole, I also like that approach. Especially when talking to a child growing up in the claws of purity culture.

[@moonlighthowling666]

@Koivu nen yes! I've heard of other counselors telling that to patients and it being very comforting to them.

[@Luenysgo]

Nah your abuser doesn’t get to chose or “take” that part of you. I was r when I was a virgin, and I would never let that define me. I would’ve done myself a disservice if I had let my abuser’s actions decide what I am or am not. So for me my first time is and always will be the first time I had CONSENSUAL sex, not the time I was raped. And that is that.

[@kuromi2880]

if your only sexual experience was rape you're absolutely still a virgin as far as im concerned

[@angelarice8418]

I was definitely taught all of this as a kid, including the oxytocin thing. It was confusing because we were told that we wanted to marry men and follow them and respect them, but that men were basically liars who only thought about sex all the time. Like boys/men will tell us anything to get us to sleep with them, but if we sleep with them they won't marry us, so in order to stay valuable, we have to refrain from falling for their lies in the hopes that they marry us, so we can submit to them....i'm very happy that the world doesn't work that way irl

[@Dutch3DMaster]

Someone I know (and for as far as I know) had her mom teach her basically this about men and how she needed to stay away from boys/men. Unfortunately she developed such a hyperfocus on boys being sexually abusive by nature, she missed the fact her female mentor in high school was gaining her trust for all the wrong reasons and eventually sexually abused her. She felt betrayed that her mom never warned her that women can be sexual predators as well...

[@disorganizedclutter5513]

Interesting, my mom also taught me that men just want to use you from sex, and she's Arabian although she moved to America in her 20's.

[@grazielaalmeida8438]

This make no sence, why a woman would want to marry a man that lied to her?

[@jeannerogers7085]

Yes, strange contradictions. I grew up in CoSprings, an army town at the time. There was no end of praise for "our boys in uniform!," but we girls were also told to Stay away from those GI's!" AF Academy cadets, tho, were a rather different matter.

[@disorganizedclutter5513]

@@jeannerogers7085 It's like they're seen as angels and psychopaths at the same time.

[@mocrafford7916]

I’m asexual and I would 3000% buy the Fleeing Fornication shirt 😂😂😂

[@Fiona-68]

So basically actively not burning lol

[@515aleon]

I'll take 3. :D

[@mocrafford7916]

@@Fiona-68 Hahaha exactly that, and clearly never going to bond with anyone. Such a shame.

[@maryeckel9682]

😂😂

[@jordanrayne4779]

These people : don't have sex before marriage! Aroace ppl : ok These people : no wait

[@jencendiary]

A note: When Lori says ". . .even when we were going through hard times. . ." that includes the time she sabotaged her birth control against Ken's consent so she wouldn't have to work anymore, the times Ken had extramarital affairs, and the oh-so-difficult season of her life where she was a stay at home mother with both a housekeeper and a nanny.

[@noOnionswithoutTears]

Dear God I got married at 43, the first marriage for both of us. I guess we are not bonding since we didn’t flee fornication. I guess I should have married at 14 to be pure !!!

[@phantomvampyressshadowkiss4690]

Lolz😂 right I was 36 had my oldest daughter out of wedlock so that made me less than according to them too. I also wasn't a Virgin either😂

[@Bexstarartist]

You must have “ thought you were bonding” Im 43 and never been married but I do form very strong bonds and connections with my long term lovers. I guess I must be imagining our connection and love.

[@phantomvampyressshadowkiss4690]

@@Bexstarartist maybe so ..nah I think anyone gets connected even with friendships if we all think about it. We get connected to a friend that we are with all the time it's not romantic love but still a bond and connection . I wonder what their crazy analysis of that is lolz

[@Bexstarartist]

@@phantomvampyressshadowkiss4690 yea of course we bond platonically as well!

[@spOOkytimes]

I waited quite a while to have sex, but not until I got married. I am glad I didn't. It was super anti-climactic (pun intended) to "lose my virginity". It's so incredibly arbitrary to wait now that we have means of having safe sex. The Bible was written when there were no forms of birth control or condoms, so it made sense to wait.

[@toadsfortheroads]

It’s very sad to me that she can’t imagine any other reason for women having sex than to keep their partner with them. Like to her sex is something you give to get commitment... not something you do because you like it. So many women in this community don’t even know what they’re missing out on😕

[@pippin3168]

If their husbands were virgins before marriage as well I can’t imagine they know what they’re doing enough nor do they care to make the experience pleasurable for the woman

[@cam4636]

@@pippin3168 Pretty sure the concept of women enjoying sex is alien if not outright demonic to people who follow these beliefs. "Hysterical paroxysm" and all that.

[@luchirimoya]

​​​@@pippin3168 my boyfriend was a virgin before dating me. We have GREAT sex. Him being a virgin was never an issue for us, because he actually cares about me and sees me as a person. So yeah, it's not because they're virgins. It's because they're mysogynistic fundies and they don't care about their girlfriend's/wife's wellbeing and happiness.

[@alyssagarlough522]

If Lori's only had sex with one person, how would she even know whether or not you can bond with each sexual partner you have??

[@j.p.5716]

She is quoting scientific studies. onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/j.1741-3737.2003.00444.x socialpathology.blogspot.com/2010/09/sexual-partner-divorce-risk.html

[@Selene_Rosara]

You can release oxytocin just eating chocolate (assuming you're not allergic to it); or doing some kind of physical activity that you enjoy doing. Like walking or dancing.

[@jordanrayne4779]

Sorry babe, I can't really love you, I ate too much chocolate and now I have no oxytocin left for you 😢😢

[@gracieb.3054]

@@jordanrayne4779 😆😆LOL!

[@hollydawn07]

Anecdotal but it’s funny bc I had a few sexual partners before I was with my now husband (13 years together) and I am extremely more bonded with him than any of my previous partners, and I was also able to bond with our child. It’s almost like when you’re pushed a purity narrative as a woman, you can have good sex but maybe the sex isn’t as good with your husband bc they’re an asshole and you don’t feel bonded to them bc they think of you as their doormat and don’t care about your sexual pleasure 🤷🏻‍♀️

[@throwbackpoet8598]

It’s almost like the actual HUMAN BEING you’re having sex with makes a difference in the level of bond that you create together. But surely that can’t be right because it’s not a dictatorial formula of rules to follow and there’s actual nuance involved.

[@spOOkytimes]

@@throwbackpoet8598 This reminds me of the gross used car analogy they use. "How do you know what happened to them in previous relationships and what they were like?" I dunno, maybe BY ACTUALLY LEARNING ABOUT THEM AS A PERSON. It's super demeaning and disgusting to treat someone's past experiences, good or bad, as "miles" rather than growth. Edit: typo

[@FarahRoseSmith]

I love your content, Mickey. I've been binge-watching all week. Purity culture is so toxic and destructive and did a lot of damage to me, so it helps to watch.

[@namedrop721]

It helps me too. So much damage. It literally prepares you for slavery.

[@sonder122]

With all her talk about ‘bonding’ during sex, is it possible she’s a secret Omegaverse fangirl? Cause ‘bonding’ is a really big trope in this sub genre of fiction.

[@namedrop721]

You have NO idea how much weird overlap there is

[@spOOkytimes]

💀Somebody check the nape of her neck

[@luchirimoya]

She wants that alpha knot badly lmaoo

[@medea__witchhh]

this comment and the replies killed me lmaooo

[@Kill-U-A097]

I both love and hate this comment thx for the mental images mates!

[@anthonyrobertson2011]

Isn't oxytocin released in other situations other than sex? I'll look it up. Ok yes it is. It is often released when you pet animals. So why doesn't that create problems for your marriage when you pet multiple cats and dogs? I'm sure it's released when you eat certain foods. Does she do any minimal amount of research and critical thinking, or just swallows anything that sounds good? Do I even need to answer that?

[@bluebird4815]

It is also released when you have your favourite food. Oxytocin in layman's terms is basically a happy hormone. That's all. Lorie has issues.

[@515aleon]

@@bluebird4815 And some foods just have oxytocin: fatty fish, mushrooms, peppers, etc.

[@spOOkytimes]

I read that almost any form of social bonding can release it. Guess you can't have friends lol

[@LeahDyson-kq4bd]

It's released when you breast feed

[@beccabaillie2684]

She sounds like a 2010 fanfic writer whos never been outside the way she talks about sex

[@thegoat20066]

People use the same logic when it comes to sex toys. That if you use a vibrator it will "ruin" sex for you. -_-

[@happytofu5]

I mean it probably does, when the partner you marry is woefully inexperienced. You'll probably prefer the sex toy then 😂

[@thegoat20066]

@@happytofu5 thats a good point 😆

[@disorganizedclutter5513]

@@happytofu5 Or if you're not attracted to him.

[@alyssabrown-carleton6173]

It can if the sex is bad

[@aloevera533]

With all the “knowing thyself” I’ve done I’m obviously incapable of bonding with any other human. Obviously. 🙃

[@FeministCatLadySpinster]

There's just something poetic about the video opening with Lori claiming that *men* "burn"... and the video is sponsored by a p*rn company marketed toward *women* . Women are just as capable of burning as men, Lori! 😂😂

[@j.p.5716]

This is true and why God says that the husbands body belongs to his wife for her sexual satisfaction... just as the wife's body belongs to her husband for his. (1 Corinthians 7:4)

[@user-mv5zt8qd9l]

​@@j.p.5716 And you wonder why so many people are repulsed by your teachings? I'll maintain ownership of my own body, thank you very much.

[@martharobinson3919]

“Your relationship doesn’t have to look the way society deems it should,” YES YES YES!!! I grew up with parents who had a toxic, dysfunctional relationship because they stayed together for all the wrong reasons. Currently due to trying to unpack the trauma caused from watching that as a child my significant other and I live separately. We have four children together and live less than three minutes apart. We are together daily as a family. We are no different than any other family, but we technically live separate. He is more of an involved father (does just as much parenting as I do honestly) than the majority of dads living in the same house 24/7 with their children. Yet people are constantly questioning our arrangement. It burns me up because I personally know the trauma of being a child of parents living/staying together to save face. If you try to explain you are going to therapy and working on yourself so you can be a better version of yourself before you rush back under one roof people look at you like you have three heads. About a month ago my sister overheard my eight year old nephew ask my five year old, “does your daddy not live with you anymore?” She confidently responded, “him and my mommy don’t live together but they still love each other.” Ever since then I feel no need to explain the current stage of our relationship. I’d rather have my kids know love and be in separate homes than being in one house and thinking cursing your spouse out daily is normal.

[@helenr4300]

do what works. sounds more expensive, but for a good relationship and if can afford it then don't let anyone shame you for it. kids knowing they are loved, both parents feeling safe and secure, that ticks all the boxes

[@timnewman1172]

As an older cis/ace male who struggles to develop ANY type of interpersonal relationships, I find her "advice" repulsive and outright toxic!

[@lacey892]

yes! purity culture and these weird gender roles can super harmful for men as well

[@andrewgonzales1359]

This is so weird.

[@rhokesh4391]

Have you ever looked into attachment styles? Because if you're having trouble forming any kind of relationship you might be an avoidant, and it is possible (if you want to) to do something about that in therapy.

[@dariasmeh]

23 minutes and 42 minutes of Mickey trying not to throw up in her mouth 🤣 You're a champion and hero to educate with science not shame! 👋

[@JasminMiettunen]

Hey, at least she mentioned men are supposed to wait until marriage too, once. After she had talked about women for the whole video.

[@j.p.5716]

Lori does not often speak about men or to men because that is not her ministry. Her ministry is based on the bible in (Titus 2:3-5) where it instructs the older women to teach the younger women. In fact, the bible specifically tells women that are not allowed to each men (1 Timothy 2:12).

[@perfectberry9008]

Your facial reactions to this insane content are everything. Thank you for being so balanced and real. ❤

[@MissRae_18]

Fun fact: Pet owners typically release a noticeable amount of oxytocin when they look at, or interact with, their pets ❤🐱🐶

[@VictoriaCrow1005]

"Bingo bongo oxytocin" I need that on a shirt😂

[@susanwright1931]

I want a “Fornication forever” T-shirt. Forget fleeing… and I am married. 🤣

[@phantomvampyressshadowkiss4690]

Me too lolz

[@ethevillagecryptid2293]

hey, there's about 10-15 minutes of silent black screen at the end of the video before the outtakes, just wanted to bring it to your attention in case that sort of thing messes with watch retention or other algorithm stuff and you wanted to edit it out! love your content, have been subscribed for a couple years and it's been a delight to watch the channel grow

[@anthonyrobertson2011]

I'm so tired of christians who talk about subjects as experts that their interpretation of religion tells them they can't touch. It's like me belonging to a group that says you can't sew, then me telling people how to sew and use sewing machines when I've never done it. Yet they're experts. Part of the problem though is they think they can just pray and their god gives them perfect insight into things. Pastors encourage followers to "trust god". What could possibly go wrong?

[@NotCarolynFFS]

This "yOuR'e FoReVeR bOnDeD tO ThE fIrSt PeRsOn YoU hAvE sEx WiTh" shit is so ridiculous. Lori, bro, I don't even remember the last name of the guy I had sex with for the first time and I barely liked him then, I just wanted to get it over with. It wasn't a terrible experience but I'm sure as hell not SoUl TiEd or whatever to Sean I-don't-even-remember from 20 years ago.

[@ajwilliams9725]

This is insane on the face of it. As a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, I'm horrifically offending and insenced that anyone feels that those who are violated as children would have no chance at a successful or happy marriage. Additionally, my first husband and I had nowhere near a successful marriage. For me, my second marriage is so much more joyful and honest and fulfulling.

[@helenr4300]

I am glad you have survived that. and yes lori's ideas are totally offensive and scientifically inaccurate. I recognise that early trauma can give relationships extra trauma. but it does not mean people can't find a good connection as your second marriage is. The idea that sex = oxytocin bonding is totally proven wrong when it comes to abuse - since oxytocin is a chemical of love, there is a lot more than a physical act involved to release it. - someone in fear, confusion, not wanting what happen to happen - that is not going to trigger 'bonding'. And anyone who suggests otherwise is.... well I don't have the words

[@homuraakemithehero7707]

Is it just me and poor internet or is there about 13-14 minutes of black space after the end card?

[@celestialpotato7392]

It is for me as well

[@caseydavis57]

me as well!

[@helenr4300]

Ok - so the appeal to apostle Paul - Paul was single, at least during the time of his writings. He compared himself to other apostles who brought their wives with them when visiting developing churches, and were supported by believers whereas Paul and companions worked for their keep (1Cor 9 v 3-6). He also had a negative view of sex/relationships, was he perhaps asexual? As someone who now has the language to describe my experience, I had no understanding of the desires of other people when sex hormones kicked in for them, and why it was such an important part of my peers' focus and chat. When I read Paul's comments I wonder if he also had that disconnect. Hence 'well if you can't control yourself maybe marriage is better than not marrying' (1 Cor 7 v 8-9) But most importantly he and the other leaders of the early church deeply believed that Jesus would return in their lifetime. Therefore Paul explains throughout 1 Cor 7 that his preference is for people to not be married (v 7-8) and a key reason is cited later (v 29- 35) that people who marry need to focus time and energy on that relationship and meeting the needs of each other distracts from serving God. At the same time Paul affirms the importance of maintaining existing relationships - if anyone becomes a christian and their partner doesn't, but the partner is willing to continue the marriage then they should do so. Though if an unbelieving partner decides to divorce them then accept that. (v 12-16) Much more worrying is the mindset that a person should remain in the state they were in when they became a christian - so the uncircumcised (not Jews) do not have to be circumcised, fine so far. The married should stay married unless their partner forces otherwise - so my new faith is not an excuse to ditch the spouse - the unmarried do best to stay unmarried, but if they have to, well 'I suppose'. But Paul includes that those who are slaves when they come to faith - 'don't worry about it, though if you have a chance to gain freedom go ahead'. ( v 20 - 24) This is one of the occasions where the Bible fails to challenge the slavery that was embedded into the culture around them. In defense of writers like Paul they expected the whole world to be overturned any day, so thinking about wider social issues was not on their radar, plus they were a minority new faith so wary of rocking the political boat. (Sadly despite 2000 years of evidence, and being the dominant faith and power, there are many churches that continue the idea that speaking out to change social inequalities is not important, no need to respond to climate change because it is just a step towards the 'Last Days') Paul also considers those engaged at the time of coming to faith - ideally they shouldn't marry but if they decide to (including if she is 'getting on in years' - presumably with limited other options) that is ok. (v 36 - 38) It feels bizarre that those who promote the mythical 'Biblical marriage' as the only model for family quote Paul who saw marriage as an 'well if you have to' option. Yet certain parts of christianity idolise marriage such that singles are overlooked or if not married off by a certain age seen as a threat or must be non-heterosexual.

[@MoviesMoveMe]

07:55 LOL we need a video of just a montage of Mickey's flabbergasted expressions. 😆

[@InfinitePisces]

I was told in youth group growing up that oxytocin will run out if you have sex before marriage.

[@helenr4300]

which is total rubbish - your body makes the stuff, just as it makes all sorts of stuff we need, plenty to go around. I hate how they take one bit of science and then twist it for their agendas

[@InfinitePisces]

@@helenr4300 Yes when I learned the truth I turned away from religion.

[@blahbleh8199]

Always a pleasure hearing you validate my inner monologs. 🌸🌸🌸

[@mcpuffinarts]

Oh boy, here we go

[@bobbie-jenehenderson7824]

“Fleeing Fornication” would be a kick ass metal band! 🤘

[@dacianadays698]

😅😂 love it

[@Allergydemon]

Lori citing Paul is always so funny to me. Paul isn't exactly a reputable source of info in the Bible as most of his stuff was his own opinion, not the word of god etc. Some christian's fundamental misunderstanding of biblical context is wild. Never cool to weaponize an ancient ass book (that's really a choose your own adventure of conflicting information) to represent the bigoted and misogynistic views in one's own heart.

[@spOOkytimes]

I honestly think people like Lori just hide behind Christianity ™, because they don't want to do their own research and study of the bible and don't want to admit they are just basically a cult at this point.

[@PriscillaMcCain-n7d]

A Paul was definitely a mysoganist.

[@PriscillaMcCain-n7d]

Opps I meant Apostle Paul was definitely a mysoganist.

[@helenr4300]

@@PriscillaMcCain-n7d TBF some of the most misogynist texts are in letters that were written in his name but not by Paul - eg women not speaking in church is part of letters to Timothy. The scholars agree that the style in Greek is totally different to Paul, and it speaks to a situation possibly a generation later were churches have much more structure and defined leadership roles.

[@emilyg4739]

I so want to make a compilation of Mickey saying “that’s fucking ABUSIVE”

[@dawn8293]

Thank you for bringing up so many the different ways that a healthy relationship can be unique. When I began cohabitating with my partner, I knew I needed my own room. I was not able to sleep well in the same bed as him. I'm neurodivergent. I have sensory issues and I get really self conscious about being watched. I have since gotten to a place where we can sleep in the same bed. I still have my own room, but I don't use it much anymore. My SIL was worried about my relationship because I slept in a different bed. I maintain that even if I never was able to sleep in the same bed as my partner, our relationship would have been just fine.

[@pantichrist4043]

I have my own room for the same reason. I like to go to bed with him but the second he starts snoring I bail. The first one to wake up joins the other for morning cuddles. Doesn’t harm our intimacy at all. Opposite in fact. I’m much more agreeable when I have slept well.

[@helenr4300]

in early British sitcoms it was common to depict twin beds in the same room - there may not have been space for separate rooms but no-one taking all the blankets, or space is good for sleep. Not sure what the twin bed solution for snoring partners was though. As I think about it , this may have been a sign of luxury, early 20th century memories include children sharing beds 'top to tail' so a bed of one's own would be very middle class and aspirational, and a number of early sitcoms were about people in suburbia

[@Slammu640]

I think she's projecting, probably trying to chastise the repressed parts of her own sexuality more than anything else

[@pippin3168]

Also love that she had to convince everyone that she and her husband never have and never will desire anyone but each other 😂 She needs to not speak on behalf of her husband because from looking at her I am sure that’s not true.

[@parrotsontheplateau3488]

Thanks so much for making videos on this topic! I grew up in this belief being taught to me. Its been years of trauma and unlearning

[@chronicpain_invisibleillness]

I grew up in this world. I stayed a virgin until 27 because religion scared the sh*t out of me. Deconstructing is a bi**h...and tbh, I'm not sure if its a process that ever really ends. It has definitely messed with my mind. Loved this video dear! ❤

[@brittany1049]

Good lord, Lori’s still talking? I forgot about her for awhile. Thanks (?) for reminding me of her existence 😂😂

[@leonalee5868]

Fun fact about Lori, she used to be the more “dominant” one in her marriage. She wasn’t as extremely religious and would stand up for herself, she was even a bit brutal to her husband. He revealed that she developed a substantial brain tumor that caused her to need to rely on him more. That was the start of this huge personality shift that’s led her to thinking this way. Her husband didn’t mention this as a possibility, but I’m CONVINCED she’s got something pressing some buttons in her brain to make her this way.

[@luchirimoya]

Holy shit really? Where did you hear this? And her husband is just... allowing this to happen? That's fucked up :/

[@GlitterEnby]

Sitting down to watch this and preparing to get RILED UP. Lori makes me so angry.

[@phantomvampyressshadowkiss4690]

I know right. Her and her misinformation on dating, relationships, medical advice, child rearing. Pretty much anything she speaks about

[@GlitterEnby]

Yes! Her discussion of women as their hu

[@GlitterEnby]

Their husbands' sexual property just absolutely makes my blood boil.

[@phantomvampyressshadowkiss4690]

@@GlitterEnby I agree she wants women to be treated like back when men can accuse us of cheating or being a witch and we would get stoned, hung or burned. That's one of the worst things and the fact that religion believes women aren't human equal beings we are beneath men to them

[@Aceman52]

Bingo bongo oxytocin! I love it🤣🤣🤣🤣 The way you break down this insanely harmful community is truly amazing and will help many people, especially women, recover from the harm imposed on them.

[@scarletrose2880]

"Giving sex" so your partner doesn't leave you is not having sex freely.

[@saraspencer2460]

I appreciate so much how we have the exact same facial expressions reacting to her tik toks. 😂

[@cynthiaboyd1710]

Thanks!

[@joanfregapane8683]

Lori Alexander is a real menace to truth and to relationships.

[@stephaniekhan4339]

Hi, married woman here who had sex with multiple men before I got married. I am incredibly bonded to my husband and we have an awesome marriage.

[@MDMuppetBones]

Sharing something really personal to make a point. I’m a former Christian who has slept with 40+ people, I actually don’t know how many. I’ve only been with my now husband for the last 7 years. I’m OBSESSED with him. It’s like no one existed before him. But because I had a healthy sex life full of really nice dudes and ladies that I got along with, I know what I want and what I won’t want anymore. He’s who I want. The guy who got me pregnant in college at 19 is married to a man now. He would have be stuck in an unhealthy and damaging situation as well. It’s great that she’s happy with her husband but I promise you, they’re not a fraction as compatible as I am with my spouse. She probably has to do all the “submissive wife” hoo ha to convince herself that they like each other.

[@gabrielagonzales28]

My partner and i both grew up in conservative Christian households. While our faith is still important to each of us, we've been having so much fun breaking down relationship expectations and gender role to figure out what works best for us. We've found some of the traditional things we were raised with work for us, while others we want to completely throw out and retry. Its so cool to realize we have the freedom to create something awesome together without worrying what others will think.

[@llynxfyremusic]

Thats beautiful. I'm happy for you.

[@bottomthor]

dear Lori: you can bond through more than just sex!

[@TheNanamariam]

Everytime I see that woman's face I have such a visceral reaction it's almost like I'm being triggered.

[@LilyOfTheTower]

Doesnt this reinforce the "men can sleep around but women are disgusting if they do" narrative? Ugh this makes me so angry.

[@CaelanAegana]

"Bingo, bongo, oxytocin" would also be a great tshirt.

[@stringtheories9820]

OMG your face in the opening seconds is the BEST

[@The_Leftysaurus]

Merch options : Flee Fornication AND Bingo-Bongo-Oxytocin!

[@gabiluch87]

Your hair looks so beautiful Mickey!

[@thebeaside]

It’s funny because my only regret regarding sex before marriage is that I didn’t slut it up even more before meeting my husband. He actually agrees. I’m bisexual and figured that out after being married to him for 9 years, because the 2000’s era performative bisexual culture I was a teenager in had me thinking being attracted to women and looking for any excuse to kiss girls was just normal straight girl stuff. Would have been nice to really figure out my sexuality before getting married. I’m happy with my life how it is and my husband and I sleeping around before we met hasn’t in any way prevented us from connecting and being faithful in our marriage. We love each other, have amazing sex and do not at all feel like we’re missing out on anything.

[@littlemushroom5012]

I'm sorry, but in the first video the way Lori described it, it sounds like something straight out of the omega verse😭 it's even better cause you just know she'd think that it's the most sinful thing the internet has done

[@luchirimoya]

She wants that alpha knot badly lmaoo

[@missinterpretation4984]

I was raised in a cult and waited for marriage at 20. When we got to our room that night I thought it would be really fun to watch a movie and hang out our first time alone together. When I realized what he had in mind I got so stressed out that I asked for alcohol and I drank so much I don’t remember the night. So definitely wait for marriage, it’s magic. So romantic. And when he becomes a completely different person the next morning because hey he’s got you now, you won’t even know any better so you’ll just deal it for like 20 years. 😂😂😂hysterical laugh 😂😂😂 So great.

[@alicjaz2771]

Im sorry you had to experience this... I hope you are in a better place now.

[@SLYCoopaEatsChicken]

wowee your hair looks extra amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[@DarkFleurofIra]

Lori does know that humans don't function like swans, _right_ ?

[@aripinkberry1810]

So I just purchased my first toy thanks to you, and I’m pretty nervous and excited haha I live with my mom and I just hope the packaging doesn’t give me away It was a bit pricy but worth it

[@h0pesheart]

Unrelated, wavy haired Mickey is an ethereal goddess, 10/10 you look stunning!

[@kmo3066]

she looks like the grim reaper

[@jennysueKasiah]

Im always so annoyed by the pair-bonding argument. The science they're "citing" is about prarie voles. It's noted that this mammal mates differently than like 90% of the remaining mammals on earth. "The voles’ brains are rigged to associate the reward of sex with the presence of a particular partner". A study in the 90s showed that female voles produce less oxytocin when they are mated with new males diminishing the original pair bond. Humans, and basically the rest of the mammal population have oxytocin receptors in other parts of the brain, which have nothing to do with sex. Purposeful misinterpretation of data in groups like this.

[@teneshatinker6934]

I love your channel. I grew up from birth super fundi, and so much of what you talk about I relate to. Ive been out for about a decade now, after about 25 years in, but a lot of my family are still in it. Its crazy how a lot of what Lori said still pops up in my head from time to time. I have to always remind myself that thats inaccurate. On another note, I am starting my Master's program in a couple of months for Clinical Mental Health Counseling....any tips on getting through/finding interships/ things to be wary of in potential employers?

[@Abbs_SJ]

Thanks for the giveaway Mickey! That was so fun!

[@jordanallen3141]

I feel like Lori Alexander gets most of her stuff from shitty supernatural romance novels.

[@j.p.5716]

Just one. It's called THE HOLY BIBLE.

[@roselover411]

We can never have a video from Mickey about fundamental Christianity concepts without "it pushes my f*cking buttons!" XD no topic is complete without it XD

[@issecret1]

Ah, yes, the incel oxytocin lifecycle. Curious how it's always only women who "can't bond"

[@rantingcatholic]

"But we're talking about it like we can use it in a hostage negotiation?? Like what the FUCK??" That killed me. Also your hair is everything? Yes please, and thank you.

[@tabathaarria9558]

lori really thinks that oxytocin is like jacob imprinting on renesme 😭😭

[@k4nd1incyb3rsp4c3]

literally!

[@orionnebula1136]

The transformed wife is still a thing? Great

[@mirandarensberger6919]

These people talk about oxytocin like it's fricking superglue or something.

[@hedgeh0g612]

I love your hair!

[@wingsofmae]

The oxytocin thing. What if you married as a virgin but the your S.O. dies? Should you just give up, because you wont be bonded as well? Should virgins stay away from widows? Rhetorical question, since this is so B.S.

[@ryguy56]

the fact that’s she’s still posting is wiiiiillldddddd, like who is even watching? obviously us lol but i feel like she’s one of those fundies you can’t watch super often because it’s too much

[@jessicathomson3111]

Mickey: sex isn't to be used as currency. Me to my husband 15 minutes ago: check all those jobs off the to do list while I'm at work and I'll pay you *real* good tonight. 👀😬😂🤦🏼‍♀️

[@thomasdonaldjacobs7291]

As soon as I saw Lori's name in the title, I knew this was going to be some crazy mess. I was not disappointed.

[@maryeckel9682]

I wish one of these people would reread the Bible and realize that virgin marriage helps ensure (it's not a perfect tactic) that at least the first pregnancy is by the husband. That affects inheritance, which was a very important aspect of life in the society of the times. Same with marital exclusivity. It's to ensure the estate goes to blood children. Unless, of course, you're Abraham. And look how that turned out.

[@helenr4300]

Which is why historically marriage was more of an issue for the elites with stuff to inherit, whilst the poor (In British history at least) jumped over a broom at the local pub. And as for marriage in the sight of God, In Britain the state church did not want to be involved and marriage vows used to be said at the lynch gates (gate to the churchyard) or in the porch of the church as it was seen as a civil matter and only after the marriage did the couple enter the church and prayers of blessing said

[@gabykogut6462]

Great job as always, Mickey!

[@Owlways-sleepy]

Humans release oxytocin when we pet animals so I guess we can only pet one animal our whole lives ):

[@annalena9563]

Ignore me, I just wanted to say that Mickeys hair looks gorgeous.

[@coda3223]

Oxytocin is released when singing in a group... such as the hymn singing part of church.

[@phantomstarsx9343]

From the woman that has repeatedly described sex as a chore and very possibly admitted to being raped by her husband: virgins pairbond or something. Thank you Laurie 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️