HOW MONKS & NUNS overcome SEXUAL DESIRE

MAN GIVES UP EVERYTHING
In 2015, aged 47 an English businessman gave up everything and travelled Asia to find true happiness. Now a Buddhist Monk, living a simple life in Thailand, he shares the continuing story.
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Phra Dan (Bhante Dhammarakkhita, Bhikkhu) is a Theravada Buddhist Monk who lived in India from 2020 and Thailand from 2023. Born in Sussex, England in 1967. Educated by French Catholic Monks. A successful businessman in Estate Agency and Financial Services during the 1980's and 90's. Married, now divorced with 3 adult son's. 2000 marked change and travel including South Africa returning to the UK in 2003 to continue different work and business activities until 2012. Gradually materialistic values turned to renunciation, simplicity and meditation, living nomadically in an old Ford Transit van full time for 3 years. VanLife and meditation led to Buddhism and a Thai Forest Tradition, Theravada Buddhist Monastery in the UK. During 2015 travelling the Buddhist Holy Sites of India, deep faith reinforced desire for Ordination. In 2020 after 5 years of intensive meditation practice between Thai Forest Monasteries in Thailand and England he was Ordained in India where he lived for 3 years until returning to Thailand in 2023.
Sabe Satta Sukhi Hontu

[@pratikpatil6342]

Ever fed never satisfied, never feed ever satisfied- Paramhance Yogananda

[@englishmonk]

Sukhi Hontu

[@jimgreat3820]

​@@englishmonkwhat does it mean?

[@englishmonk]

be happy

[@ReturnoftheGoddess-motherearth]

True. Happy to hear this and it’s how the garden of Eden dropped to this levels to begin with

[@englishmonk]

Sukhi Hontu

[@nandu1770]

Consider two set of people : 1. people who enjoyed the worldly pleasures for years say like 20-30 years 2. people who enjoyed or experienced worldy pleasures VERY LESS or never experienced it may be because they had only less opportunities or because of having less desirable natural traits(for eg. People who have never tasted good food because of of poverty, people who were avoided because of there disfigurement or people who never experienced romantic love because of there undesirable physical traits). If a person from the former set become a monk after decades of enjoying material pleasures and if a person from the latter category becomes a monk early on in their life, who will find enlightment earlier/easier ????

[@englishmonk]

Thank you for watching and your comments. I will talk about this in a Q&A's video coming soon. kzbin.info/aero/PLiX6s1kV1fRMCQyR6F7b6HxXuBUn9Zgck&si=7nWb2Y5dT2JpZjzj Be happy and stay well.

[@BadSantaXx1]

I believe that would probably depend on the way one or another person views his or her previous lives. Regret?Shame? = Suffering. No Regret/Shame and acceptance in the moment? = closer to enlightment. Was it an addiction to fill up empty holes in yourself? Than it would probably take a longer time to get that energy out of your body. Both equally have same chance on enlightments only someone who eats better food or less food, suffers more in a healthy way and have a bigger chance to be content with what they have (they might not endlessly search for new addictions), which (if he/she doesn't have to much desires) can put them closer to enlightment. Ofcourse in this western world the poor are often filled with fastfood which puts a lot of stress on them. That stress can make them realize there is something wrong in themselves more quick than someone who is rich and can just go on to the next addiction.

[@nonexistenty4152]

This was a very useful video for me. Thank you so much really! 😇🙏🏻 When you reduce sexual desire, you bring in more meta loving kindness. This is such a beautiful line, honestly!

[@englishmonk]

I'm happy it's useful and thank you for your kind comments

[@nicksyoutubeaccount]

Thank you. This was very helpful.

[@englishmonk]

Sukhi Hontu

[@JO-zf4ky]

Thankyou for your video. Very insightful.

[@englishmonk]

You're welcome it's my pleasure. Be happy and stay well

[@MESSENGER-of-JESUS-CHRIST]

Extremely helpful thank you 🙏

[@englishmonk]

I'm happy it was helpful. Thank you for watching and your comment. Sukhi Hontu

[@Kaoniao]

Great insight and such understandable explanations into these desires. Very much appreciated, thank you Ajahrn.

[@englishmonk]

You're welcome it's my pleasure. Thank you for watching and your comments. Be happy and stay well

[@yasithperera5700]

Sadhu Sadhu Sadhu Many merits for answering this question so well Bhante 🙏🙏🙏

[@englishmonk]

Sukhi Hontu

[@NghiLa-yv6kv]

Best Blessed Wishes💖!..

[@englishmonk]

Be happy and stay well

[@scottr9159]

Thank you, sadhu sadhu sadhu

[@englishmonk]

My pleasure. Thank you for watching and your comments. Sukhi Hontu

[@milkmanswife93696]

wow this didn't help with my already low morning appetite haha, great video though, thank you! may all beings be happy.

[@englishmonk]

Thank you for watching and your comment. Please SUBSCRIBE and visit again. Wishing you too, only happiness and a healthy appetite.

[@uiradaljovem2469]

You are a wise man, thanks for the video!!

[@englishmonk]

You're welcome it's my pleasure. Be happy and stay well

[@Shakti_Singh_Om]

Namo Budha Prabhu Ji 💐🙏

[@englishmonk]

Namo Buddhaya Sukhi Hontu

[@sanidasuwachirad3329]

🙏 🙏 🙏 I am looking forward to hear about death and grief also Pra Dan.

[@englishmonk]

This evening @ 8pm Thai time. Sukhi Hontu

[@meghannagvekar60]

Absoluetly i got a TB when i was 23 i moved to vipasshana and found what was my motto and what ia m looking for currently i am 27 although i didn't continue the practice i am having the memories within how good it feel to meditate . i have forget the mode of attention but i guess i need to prioritize medication practice before my work. thanks your video will help me .Namo Buddha.

[@englishmonk]

I'm happy they're useful to you. Be happy and stay well

[@constantkiffer7924]

🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

[@englishmonk]

Be happy and stay well. Sukhi Hontu

[@Nattywolfgainz1]

Great video and there was a advert for a dating site at the end, I should probable get You Tube premium too. You may have done a video on this already but how did you get a place at a monastery?

[@englishmonk]

Ironic! Yes I have but I'll talk about this again very soon. Thank you for watching and your comment

[@JohnMark-bx1ks]

u gave a lots of insights and metaphor please do part two on conducting sexual desire property..

[@englishmonk]

I do often talk about the 3rd precept

[@hs0022]

Nice talk! The key takeaway is that “Nothing that we perceive….even desires for anything…is permanent!” It comes and goes like waves. Whether we ride these waves with calmness or get drowned by them is the question. Those that get drowned simply do not know how to swim or surf, or have forgotten how to! Monks stick to a daily habit ( lifestyle and food ) that help keep these “swimming or surfing” techniques and abilities at their optimal best, and after years and years of the same they can do it as easily as breathing! The Desires still exist within them like the coal or cinder blocks of a fireplace but the fire has gone out. If they tug and pull the cinder blocks that are still hot, and add some air, and some material to burn the fire will soon be raging! Because they do not stop being the body where all the blueprints of Desires are still encoded in a genetic manner!

[@englishmonk]

Sukhi Hontu

[@Rahul_Lata_]

In Pali and Hindi Kesh means hairs , rom - body hairs , dant - teeths , nakh - nails And the chanting is called "Ashubh Dhyaan Saadhana" - meditating on the disgusting gross things in body

[@englishmonk]

Kesā, Lomā, Nakhā, Dantā, Taco...

[@Rahul_Lata_]

@@englishmonk yeahh we pronounce it the way I have written

[@IowaLanguages]

Excellent video. I hope someone answers me. Aren’t we to enjoy the good things life has since the bad is always around the corner? What’s the hurry to stop being reborn? Do monks experience Nirvana before dying long enough to know it’s better than being reborn? I’m asking seriously. Could someone recommend a good online source for sangha activities? I would really appreciate it. I prefer a Theravada group.

[@englishmonk]

Thank you for watching and your comments. I will talk about this in a Q&A's video coming soon. kzbin.info/aero/PLiX6s1kV1fRMCQyR6F7b6HxXuBUn9Zgck&si=7nWb2Y5dT2JpZjzj Be happy and stay well.

[@kanaddongre7915]

Vandami Bhante🙏 Your knowledge is very vast and impressive! Keep sharing 🌟 1) Can you please make a video on what Buddhism says about "Death" and "Grief". I have read the bardo thodol but I am curious to know your views on it. 2)This is the topic that I am personally dealing with after the passing of my lovely mother recently. Can I meet my mother again in the bardo (the intermediate state) or in the next life? Thank you for you time, Namo Buddhay🙏

[@kanaddongre7915]

@Bronco 🙏🙏❤️

[@englishmonk]

Namo Buddhaya Kanad. I'm sorry you are suffering and my mettā and blessings are with you. This evening @ 8.00pm Thai time I will talk about this. Thank you for watching and your kind words. Please SUBSCRIBE if you haven't already and keep watching. Sukhi Hontu

[@kanaddongre7915]

@@englishmonk thank you so much for this ❤️ this means alot for me and for all the subscribers who are dealing with this same suffering and want to reunite with their loved ones. WE WILL STAY TUNED AT 8PM❤️

[@Rahul_Lata_]

Namo Buddhay Bhante ji 🙏 , you said sex is a mutual decision between two parties and neither of them benefit from it, but sex itself is a desire and done for enjoyment rather than procreating everytime and one more thing we all can get rid of sex and if we do so there will be no humans i agree but, if there won't be any human living that can be the best thing possible because everybody will become free from dukkha , please answer my questions and avoid my confusions bhantey ji 🙏 sadhu sadhu sadhu 🙏

[@englishmonk]

What is the question please?

[@Rahul_Lata_]

@@englishmonk I mean to is if sex is desire why it is allowed to be with one partner, and if we all become monks without exception then one day there will be no human on earth so is it that all will achieve Nirvana?

[@englishmonk]

Understand the 5 Precepts and follow the Noble 8 Fold Path.

[@uriallon]

43:43 we are telling you not to buy anything at all! Bast Darmha🙏🏻

[@englishmonk]

People need to buy things it's what you buy that matters.

[@mission_new-earth]

Perception of joy? Also, isn’t everything about intention. Wanting a family can be wholesome. being of service to others, virtuous, if done for right intention or in name of God. God for his own reasons gave us needs. Needs we never asked for but apparently God felt there was a good reason for it. God needs us to bring god down to earth.. Jewish perception. What if there is suffering in isolation? Humans are social beings we need each other. When we think we don’t we become apathetic and indifferent. It’s about Godliness. I would love you perception on that. Thank you!

[@englishmonk]

Thank you for watching and your comments. I will talk about this in a Q&A's video coming soon. kzbin.info/aero/PLiX6s1kV1fRMCQyR6F7b6HxXuBUn9Zgck&si=7nWb2Y5dT2JpZjzj Be happy and stay well.

[@JohnMark-bx1ks]

when he talked about the disgusting nature of the body i was bewildered why did i even desired for that man and enters his body zone..m

[@englishmonk]

unattractive nature of things is a contemplation to reduce desire

[@mission_new-earth]

The human body was created by God! It is amazing!

[@supremeknowing]

No it is not if you see how much people suffer precisely because of the body you will understand. Seeing children dying in hospitals by grave diseases you will see this body is garbage, a source of pain and discomfort. To enlighten you a bit, there are people who choose medical suicide after not being able to bear the pain and burden of this body and body alone. It is source of extreme torments for them that they ask permission from the medical staff to to put them to death! All becauseof the body so no body is everythingbut amazing. Soon it will be dust after we die like a dead piece of wood then think whetheritisamazingor not. ​@UnityUniverse

[@tarzan.CB.]

​@@supremeknowingsay less.

[@ijikayuto2950]

@tarzan.CB. you just dont like the truth well good luck in life with that vision.

[@OldDude2]

I like this guy; I do eventually want to have kids and I know a woman who had a child in her 40s so I'm gonna keep living the layman life but dang this economic pressure business is rough. #abstinence (I'm a part of a celibacy subreddit and I was banned from Reddit for something I did not do...but they will re-instate me and I can join that group instead. So, 10 years of growth to become a good man sounds pretty decent. I had to stop viewing the video at this juncture as lay practicer atm...If you knew me irl, let's be friends. I will be kind still and I will stop making stupid jokes next time we are friendly. Unlike when I was a youth.)

[@englishmonk]

Be happy and stay well

[@martinthomas1674]

Does it have anything to do with not knowing how to use apostrophes?

[@englishmonk]

Well spotted. Thank you

[@douwebeerda]

Thank you for sharing. Although I am curious on the specific hows exactly on how to overcome sexual desire. I feel that sexual desire can grow over time until there is a release so to say that kind of resets the system. I would love to hear more on the specifics on how to overcome this desire.

[@englishmonk]

Thank you for watching and your comments. I will talk about this in a Q&A's video coming soon. kzbin.info/aero/PLiX6s1kV1fRMCQyR6F7b6HxXuBUn9Zgck&si=7nWb2Y5dT2JpZjzj Be happy and stay well.

[@douwebeerda]

@@englishmonk Awesome, looking forward to it.

[@charc8951]

Every time you have a thought about this person or thing you desire, it grows stronger. So maybe you like someone and you keep thinking about them, this only increases the desire. The only way to release the desire is to remove the thought. It will continue to build as long as you fuel it. So even though having fantasies in your head about a coworker may be fun and passes the time, it is only making your life harder and bringing dukkha. Or maybe you are thinking about the activity in general. It is hard to stop thinking about someone/something you desire, maybe you think the connection is special, or you are meant to be, or maybe it is just a feeling that you need to have this release to remove the desire. Meditation is the only thing that can help you with this and train you to be in the present moment. As Phra Dan mentioned in other videos, this feeling of desire is only temporary, it will pass, and learning how to sit with it, be aware of it and watch it pass is something you can learn through meditation. In reality you don't need this 'release' it is only building because you keep fueling it. It is nature for this feeling or desire to keep reappearing, but as long as you can remember to watch it go aswell, you won't believe in the need to release, or quench it's thirst.

[@dimopetrov4982]

It's impossible to abandon sensual desires before you can see your thoughts arising from a side,like a third person. Even then, you have to investigate and manage to see how a single thought triggers feelings, emotions, and actions. You can physically try to stop doing sex or masturbation but it's not gonna work, The lust and the wet dreams gonna get you at night, because the mind is not purified and detached from it's own thinking. So i would say you need to develop wisdom first to be able to do it. It took me about 8 years as a lay person to abandon lust and sex. In the Taoist's books it says whoever is full of ching doesn't have lust,when ch'i is full one doesn't have hunger and when shen is full one doesn't have to sleep as much. Whoever is interested, i recommend the book " Tao and longevity, mind and body transformation " by Huai Chin Nan. Great book! Thanks so much for your videos. I really appreciated it!

[@rajeevsethi9155]

Namaste. What do you feel about a Buddhist monk following the Vajrayana path?

[@englishmonk]

Namo Buddhaya Rajeev. Thank you for your question. I will talk about this in the next Q&A's video coming soon. Sukhi Hontu.

[@rajeevsethi9155]

@@englishmonk GRATEFUL thanks. Am looking forward to your talk

[@JohnMark-bx1ks]

now thats why people nowadays prefer to be sexual online, there no sweat, mucos, breath heat, carbon dioxide just the visual input of a beautiful person..

[@englishmonk]

this can easily be avoided

[@harveythompson1756]

There is no 'fast track' to enlightenment fella.

[@englishmonk]

Sukhi Hontu

[@pratikpatil6342]

if you believe that, there is no " FastTrack" for you.

[@harveythompson1756]

@@pratikpatil6342 --that's good news, thanks for that.

[@pratikpatil6342]

@@harveythompson1756 Good luck with that.

[@harveythompson1756]

@@pratikpatil6342 --nothing to do with luck fella.

[@vans4menu]

Rip pizza and beer

[@englishmonk]

Sukhi Hontu

[@blue-no7zd]

Venerable sir, can practicing Metta kamahttan (meditation) be helpful to overcome sexual desire? waiting for your answer. thanks

[@englishmonk]

Namo Buddhaya Blue. Thank you for your question. I will talk about this in the next Q&A's video so please SUBSCRIBE and visit again. Sukhi Hontu

[@blue-no7zd]

. thanks sir.

[@Chase_Istre]

Yes it can. Meditate often. Think of it like closing the windows to your house when a storm is by. Usually are windows are open during storms and all our papers and items inside get thrown around and disordered. Likewise e let the winds of lust, desire, gain or loss, praise or ridicule, and self cause disorder in oneself. Meditation is closing the windows so these storming winds can’t cause us such disorder. Overtime our windows will more often be closed than open. That is to say, with consistent meditation, we will not being swayed by sexual desire, material desire, gain or loss, and self, as much as before.

[@blue-no7zd]

@@Chase_Istre thanks Chase. Sorry that I saw your reply right now, just after coming back to KZbin. The meditation you mean is only breathing meditation or every other technique of it, eg. Metta?

[@billholland583]

So whats the proper way to have and raise children? It seems to me if everyone was a monk and enlightened humanity would cease to exist. Please help me understand. Thank you.

[@englishmonk]

Thank you for watching and your comments. I will talk about this in a Q&A's video coming soon. kzbin.info/aero/PLiX6s1kV1fRMCQyR6F7b6HxXuBUn9Zgck&si=7nWb2Y5dT2JpZjzj Be happy and stay well.

[@billholland583]

Thank you.

[@philosophicalmixedmedia]

Renunciate orders tend to have a trans binary gender where its of no significance the question of what gender given celibacy, which is distinct from the conscious experience of folk psychology as termed 'desire' given folk also have periods of celibacy given desire pertains to contents of self which for Buddhist ontology is not self. If there is not permanent self there can be no self desire, but desire then is a group structural behaviour that emerges as thought of which when a new group structure is formed as an celibate order this then mutates group desire into whatever the group advocates which if a person compares with other groups as in with non celebrates then the issue of the out group becomes topical and so there is a argument for celibates not to engage in the questions of an out group.

[@englishmonk]

Sukhi Hontu

[@harveythompson1756]

You can kiss a nun once, you can kiss a nun twice; but dont get into the habit.

[@englishmonk]

Sukhi Hontu

[@JohnMark-bx1ks]

hello🙏🙏 i live with my aging mother and father and when i feel depress i go out with the youth, they give me life but they sexualize me...

[@englishmonk]

find some other groups with similar wholesome intentions to you, maybe a Buddhist group, monastery or community

[@polemeros]

One thing this dude is not, is laconic.

[@englishmonk]

Not for these talks, no. Be happy and stay well.

[@ianyoung8392]

So far, not so conclusively satisfied, I've found all discussions on this topic to be extremely indirect and not following First Principles. They re-direct towards general ideas of scripture with attachments to the three poisons. Which is what you should do in religion but avoid the events of history and learning from them. Where is there evidence we should at least acknowledge? Men who commit suicide or have been beaten to death because of speaking out against receiving sexual abuse in monasteries. For example an asian mum beat her son to death with a wooden rod because of his intentions to speak out which would have greatly affected the prestige of the monastery (Thailand if memory serves). How about the Buddhist monk practice in Japan of Chigo that created Chudo in the samurai caste. A practice of arranging for a young male attendant that you use for everything including sex in exchange for an education and vocational training.... The rituals for grooming these boys are well documented and encourage something similar to the heinous pervasive practice of Bacha Bazi in Islam. Monks handing young boys around as sexual favours to friends in the clergy. How did monks deal with celibacy? They didn't in many cases and thus had unhealthy attachments that grew instead of purified. Dudes who ended up being gay and attached to their elder in a Stockholm Syndrome kinda way were rejected and killed themselves because they were "too old" and "ugly" for their previous geriatric lovers to tolerate anymore and would "upgrade" to a new boy. Whilst I really respect the 3 poisons and cures of Buddhism I think it lacks the acceptance of the Dark Tetrad of psychopathy, narcissism, sadism and Machiavellianism. Whilst Greed, Ignorance and Anger aren't enough to describe and move people away from the worst sins and acts possible because whilst the poisons give a great idea of why their manifestations in behaviour are better understood with the Tetrad. Sexual desire is a problem for monks, look at how Buddhism is being appropriated by cross dressers. Is this not a form of attachment for warped aesthetics?

[@englishmonk]

There is suffering...

[@ianyoung8392]

@@englishmonk all the videos debating this like deviancy, un regulated neuroticism and poor boundaries are just natural phenomena.... If Vajrapani is what he represents then doesn't Buddhism demand at the highest ethic, swift and dynamic justice? Vajrayana/Shingon/Shugendo seen to represent the association of ultimate enlightenment with combative readiness?

[@englishmonk]

The Buddha taught forgiveness not justice

[@ianyoung8392]

​@@englishmonk yet he had guardians and warriors emerge as the ultimate teachings of Buddhism. Diamond, lightning Buddhism. The greatest sin of Buddhism is over detachment to the point of apathy. It's highest virtue is to be a good person, but the old definition of good. Not a simp to organisations but someone who on their own merits stands out because they are very good at doing difficult things well. Nothing is supposed to be more powerful than a warrior who is deeply enlightened. After all it's supposed to be the direct path to enlightenment in a single life time. Justice is about defending those who can't defend themselves. Whether it's the values of Indra in Hinduism or proto Hinduism, the evolution of that into Vajrapani also reflects the highest values of sacred civilisation with a holy trinity. In Nordic paganism you had Odin, Thor and Freya. Wisdom, might and nature respectively. Vajrapani is the Asian paganism equivalent of Thor, literally. Whether it's weather storms, lightning, war, masculinity, male reproductive health, Lord of the heavens and protector of the weak. Buddhism whether the Shaolin in Chinese Chan, the Tibetan esoteric teachings, how Chan birthed both Zen and Shingon leading onto Shugendo full circle from the original Mahasiddhas that got this whole thing rolling. Internal and External martial arts are part of the greatest teachings of the Buddha. Ideas Buddhists have linked for philosophical harmony are with Taoism. You may walk the path of heaven if you find and kill to save your family from a psychopath and corrupted person now existing as an animal (the 10 realms are a great way of diagnosing mental and spiritual state). The Buddha also ate meat and wasn't vegetarian. Forgiveness might not always be divinity like Jesus. Forgiveness and a lack of true wisdom and mindfulness opens opportunities for sociopaths. Tigers are a product of nature but that doesn't mean you should lie down in front of a tiger with some ketchup to offer every time you see one. You defend yourself and in the course of battle there are natural outcomes of life and death that reflect all of nature in harmony. There are hierarchies in Buddhism and Vajra is at the top.

[@ianyoung8392]

@@englishmonk Buddhism, the closest definition is the study and development of the self. To do this honestly means not using absolute statements with words like forgiveness. Absolute statements lead to iconography of the self, over detachment and socialism with identity politics. Buddhism greatest influence in Japan was defining the lines of violence and bloodshed when necessary. Duty, honour and protecting others are higher virtues than detachment and forgiveness alone.

[@JohnMark-bx1ks]

our desires had evolve... nowadays we have clothed bodies everywhere yet they look more attractive than nude bodies..i think??

[@englishmonk]

desire is desire from wherever it is derived

[@JohnMark-bx1ks]

@@englishmonk yeah thanks Reverend..... i use buddhist principles as guide... i can't practice full time... i realize how difficult it is when it does not match ur culture... my only wish is lessen all this loneliness which sprouts into sexual desires..

[@englishmonk]

Keep practicing and it will become much easier.

[@tobiastobias2419]

I don’t understand why monks and nuns in Buddhism are not allowed to have sex I mean. Buddhism is about the middle path. Can’t sex be in that path ? If its not an addiction I thought Buddhism wasn’t negative about sex. Its not like Christianity

[@englishmonk]

Thank you for watching and your comments. I will talk about this in a Q&A's video coming soon. kzbin.info/aero/PLiX6s1kV1fRMCQyR6F7b6HxXuBUn9Zgck&si=7nWb2Y5dT2JpZjzj Be happy and stay well.

[@tobiastobias2419]

@@englishmonk ok thanks bro