How Narcissists Groom You to Accept Abuse: 7 Tactics & Warning Signs

[@cheryldee95]

When they overstep one of your boundaries in the beginning, and you bring it to their attention, letting them know what they did isn’t OK - according to your boundaries, they will quickly turn it around and act like you’re being unreasonable. They’ll accuse you of expecting far too much from them, and…from ANY relationship, quite frankly…and that you need to cut them some slack - or else, you will lose them…just like you lost everyone before them. Very authoritarian and disciplinarian. Never mind, that if you did to them…what they had just done, to you - by crossing your boundary - they would be breaking up with you. So, they would be justified to hold YOU accountable, for crossing their boundary. But you would be overreacting, if you try to hold THEM accountable, for crossing one of yours. This is how they roll, and this ‘test’ will happen relatively early on in the relationship. Pay attention. 🚩

[@jaialaiwarrior]

I said i felt like i was walking on eggshells and was told, " That's how *I* FEEL!"

[@TracyAMalone]

@@jaialaiwarrior yup sounds like a narc!

[@ssjs6106]

And it is unclear whether the 'grooming' is done consciously or unconsciously. I observed someone who was engaging in abusive behaviors without seeming to be aware of 'the look' of this to several outsiders. To prevent her from making it a 'new normal' I cut off contact and the behaviors stopped abruptly. She then appeared to experience intense shame and dropped out of sight for a while. She has not engaged in those behaviors again at least not publicly. Set clear boundaries at the first sign of abnormality.

[@pactme]

Gaslighting is the worst! Gosh, it’s so crazy-making and cruel.

[@Truth-matters-v2z]

My experience and yours are quite similar

[@stellar52]

I don't fall for lovebombing and I hate recceiving compliments, that's why my Ex never did it. Nevertheless I thought of him as my soulmate because he agreed on so many things I said and because I (autistic with Cptsd) overshared on the first evening, he of course liked most things I like

[@FaithfulandTrue777]

True I hate disingenuous compliments - yet I'll gladly give honour where honour is due.

[@universallove878]

Thank you for breaking down the stages. I would love to hear your take on narcissisti in prison and how they manipulate their family members through their victimhood while using them the whole time.

[@Truthteller1s]

I was going through a divorce as well.

[@rebeccacruse7777]

My abusers all had a honeymoon phase they promise to change but they don't but you actually think in your head it will get better!!! I just can't get over that nightmare I had and I was there looking at my face!!! all bloody and all a mess people were screaming "NO NOT BECKY!!! Oh WOW is all I can say!!! I guess words do stick with you!!! I would be better off dead he told me!!! Well I have a lot of living to do and this time it's for me!!! I will love and support still of course but more carefully!!! not running rough shod with my pretty words as my ex female abuser told me Oh you and your pretty words he even told me noone would cry at my funeral!! I won't be I am going to heaven!! I have to say I had a horrible thanksgiving All I could think about was that poor Laken Riley's family and how they didn't have her!!! I couldn't help it!! I pray for them daily those poor people!!! But she's in heaven now and I will meet her one day!!! I was so sad about it I hardly talked to anyone!!! And asked Why am I still here? I lived 51 years she didn't!!!

[@Owlbutterfly]

Thats my mom . never showed up on time when she agreed on a SPECIFIC TIME to meet up .(a planned time ...not randomly asking someone to come over and being a tiny bit late...i mean a planned time ) never shows up on time or showed up 3 hrs later