How sewing my own clothes triggered my body dysmorphia

[@tanya-s8u]

it's interesting how clothes making affects us differently. My body dysmorphia actually gets triggered more by storebought clothes bc they never fit properly, making me feel like my body is a "wrong shape", while making my own patterns and properly fitted clothes makes me feel perfectly okay. Also i can give most things a lace up back so no matter if i'm bloated or not, i don't need to be uncomfortable which is so nice, i won't be punished by my handmade clothes for being full

[@MakingCassie]

Love the lace up back idea! It’s interesting to hear everyone’s different perspectives on a common issue

[@bossyboots5000]

I have so many things I want to say, but I feel too tired to adequately address such emotional topics. So for now I'll just say that you appear to be an amazing person - kind, giving, thoughtful, insightful and generous - and this video is another example of that. I'm so impressed with how you handled the spiral, and that you took the time to share your struggle with the internet - spending the time filming and editing - when you really didn't have to. Thanks for giving us that gift.

[@MakingCassie]

Thank you for taking the time to leave such a thoughtful comment 🥹

[@AnneDuhayon]

Thank you for being vulnerable and showing that not everything we make is always the success we want it to be. I'm at a point where I sew my clothes correctly, and do the changes I need to do for them to fit me better, and sometimes on the first try I feel great, but the first try out in front of the mirror and living in the clothes, and feeling empowered by them as you greatly put it, is completely different. It's hard when you put so much of yourself in something, when you have projected the image in your mind and then it just doesn't feel the way you wanted to be, it hurts honestly.

[@MakingCassie]

Perfectly said

[@blufaerie]

I appreciate your vulnerability in this video. I actually started sewing because of my issues with body dysmorphia and retail clothing. I also have experienced triggers, especially while making pants.

[@MakingCassie]

Thank you so much for sharing ❤️

[@suemacfarlane7372]

I NEVER wear anything cut on the bias, bias cut clothes are definitely not for me. It sounds like you learned a lot making this dress, and thanks for sharing your feelings with us.

[@MakingCassie]

Thank you Sue ❤

[@rosey_ie]

I came to say the same! 😂 I can’t imagine a less enjoyable item of clothes than ANYTHING cut on the bias. Sorry you had a tough time on this project Cassie, but I hope you can see on making this video how vulnerable you were in it and how PROUD OF YOU you should be!! You also looked beautiful. I hope you got a bit of a boost seeing yourself outside of the moment. ❤

[@rosey_ie]

I came to say the same! 😂 I can’t imagine a less enjoyable item of clothes than ANYTHING cut on the bias. Sorry you had a tough time on this project Cassie, but I hope you can see on making this video how vulnerable you were in it and how PROUD OF YOU you should be!! You also looked beautiful. I hope you got a bit of a boost seeing yourself outside of the moment. ❤

[@susanmiller8261]

This is a really important video. Many of us find fitting clothing difficult because it makes us look at our bodies. I had a teacher tell me that making clothing is like being a sculptor. It is hard to offer grace to ourselves easier to offer it to others.. You rock Cassie!

[@MakingCassie]

Wow I love that! Thank you for sharing

[@miloparker3828]

This is one of the reasons I haven't started making clothes yet. Aprons, tote bags, purses, whatever I can sew that isn't so physically personal. I'm so nervous to get to know myself and my body in this way. It's nice to see that I'm not alone!

[@MakingCassie]

It’s totally worth it to make your own clothes but it does come with challenges like this for sure

[@callitags]

This was so beautiful. Thank you for sharing. As someone who's just beginning their sewing journey, who's had a long, complicated history with their body, this honesty, the grace you're giving yourself and encouraging in others is powerful. Thank you again.

[@MakingCassie]

Thank you 🥰

[@astertea5187]

I really appreciate you, Cassie. You are so wonderful in how you talk about difficult things and the struggles with sewing. I have a lot of admiration for how you tackle crafting your own clothes. I have plans for doing this as well, although it's slow going for me due to several issues. But one day I'll get there :) I have difficulty with numbers as well - like sizes and scales. One of my favourite things to do is to somewhat revenge-cut the size tags off my clothes when I buy them. They're so made up by each store anyway and I don't feel like wearing their silly made up number labels.

[@MakingCassie]

Thank you for this lovely comment 😊

[@thedivineline8277]

Things that gave me body dysmorphia and triggered my ED while learning to sew: - constantly measuring every inch of my body, and having a log of those numbers - cutting patterns in my size, then to revisit that same pattern later, needing 1 to 2 sizes larger and the patterns no longer usable or I have to redo all of my old work - looking for a mannequin that’s large enough for my shape - The mannequins default body shape, not being my own - clothes you made previously no longer fitting quite right - finding patterns that are only shown on thin/ very young women’s body (I’m 29, size 10 btw) - having to make intricate and detailed changes to every pattern due to my unique body shape Thank you so much for sharing this, and you’re definitely not alone. There have been times where I’ve definitely stepped away from the craft because of the body issues it triggered. ❤

[@MakingCassie]

Thank you for being so vulnerable on here. I really appreciate this comment.

[@kellysilver3979]

So much of what you said here is relatable. Like you and others here, I've made a size smaller than what I actually needed due to my perception of my own body and what it needs. Letting go of the idea of sizing and it's reflection of our size and shape is an ongoing process. You spoke beautifully and eloquently as always 💚

[@MakingCassie]

Appreciate you so much 😊

[@susanmiller8261]

I have done the same thing! It's interesting when other sewers voice the things that I find myself doing. Cassie's videos are like a round table discussion on needle arts. I feel very lucky to have discovered her and the community she has created. The content of the videos are thoughtful and the comments enlightening.

[@barbaracorcoran4332]

Cassie your dress looks stunning on you. You have a lovely shape and the dress was perfect for you. Great video addressing body issues we all struggle with. 💐

[@MakingCassie]

Thank you!

[@CarolineDonahue]

Thank you so much for this video. It was just what I needed today after a similar french seams incident. I made what I thought were oversized linen pants and went up a size in the pattern to account for the french seams and could barely get them on. Wow was that a rough landing. I‘m setting it aside until I get back from a week away. As a knitter for 20+ years who’s recently returned to sewing, I find it SO much more confronting. I‘ve just ordered a big roll of muslin, so at least in future i‘m not ripping seams out of my expensive special fabric. 😢 Your vulnerability means a ton. Thank you for the risk you took in sharing. ❤

[@annerankin1191]

I just finished a top that’s WAY to big for me….and gave it to someone I work with. She kindly remeasured me and suggested I make a size 10 down from what I made…..still don’t believe it will work (so likely will size up - but not 10 sizes). Body dysmorphia lives on for me….. Thanks Cassie! XOX

[@MakingCassie]

I feel you! It’s so hard

[@tiffsewcrafty]

Thanks for sharing this. I've gained a lot of weight recently and had to learn to size up a some sewing patterns I bought just a few years ago. It's a process getting used to how my body looks now, and accepting weight gain that comes with age. But wearing a garment I made that fits me as I am perfectly has helped my body image. Just goes to show that fit can make a world of difference in how clothes look on a person, and has encouraged me to sew more of my own clothing.

[@MakingCassie]

That is so nice to hear! Wishing you all the best

[@jaclyndykstra5245]

Thank you, i started sewing again and has been very difficult to finish my project because of body dysmorphia. I went looking to see if other creators felt the same and hopefully i can continue this craft that i love

[@susans1200]

I so appreciate your vulnerability and honesty. I can relate to a lot of it. Thank you.Very empowering to learn to deal with those feelings. Part of learning to love yourself just as you are. Today and every day, I think.

[@MakingCassie]

I’m a firm believer that you have to feel through things to get to the other side of them!

[@susans1200]

@@MakingCassie I totally agree. I know this with my head but not always with how I feel. I'm working on that too.

[@heyspeckle8782]

I have body dysmorphia as well and there are times when I just cannot sew cause I don't want to look at myself in any way. Numbers freak me out sometimes, so knowing and taking my measurements can be tough. I'm still finding out what kind of clothes I like on my body, where the perfect hemlines are and what colours best suit my skin tone. I have a few me-made items that I already love and that I feel really good in which always reminds me why I love sewing my own clothes. Thank you for sharing this with us, Cassie 💙

[@MakingCassie]

Thank you for sharing this 🥹sending you so much love and courage !

[@magicalotter9302]

hiiiiii!!! Thankyou so much for this video...so relatable...i started sewing during the pandemic and i quickly noticed that i preferred making clothes from other people when the goal was to diy my wardrobe....i made clothes and gave them away because i felt that they looked better on other people and often i'd cut the patterns too big out of fear that theyd burst open because im sooo big in my head. Photos make me feel even more vulnerable...which isnt ideal because i need to set up a portfolio that would include being infront of the camera. not really sure what to do about the anxiety but im sure it'll be ok

[@MakingCassie]

Thank you for sharing this. Go easy on yourself, and take baby steps! It's a journey.

[@emilysmith2784]

Thanks for sharing you experience. I had a same sort of realisation. I kept trying to sew dresses and tops with woven fabrics. I have never been able to buy anything non stretchy because of my proportions and thought if I only made it to fit me I could wear woven fabrics but I have now come to the realisation that woven fabrics are just uncomfortable. Maybe because I’ve never been able to wear them and I am just so used to clothes that move with me so I have decided to branch into sewing with knits. I’m scared but I think that’s what I need to do to not give up on my sewing journey. Also you are totally not alone in sewing triggering your body issues, I know of at least 10 people who bought bootstrap dress form patterns and stopped sewing because their bodies looked so unfamiliar when they stood right next to them. It put me right off buying one but I am so thankful they showered their experiences to save me the heartache of experiencing it myself. Im sorry for the long comment 😂

[@MakingCassie]

Thank you so much for this ❤️❤️

[@ithacamaven5476]

Thank you so much for sharing these thoughts. Also an important reminder that the process of getting to the outcome has an influence on the ultimate enjoyment of the make

[@Sabine_Handley]

Thank you for putting words to what I have been feeling all my life.

[@nommh]

I loved that you acknowledged looking beautiful in the bias dress and yet this „objective“ comment on you in the dress is not what dressing is about. Thanks for emphasizing the importance of how we actually feel in our clothes. This gives so much more dimension to the idea of personal style.

[@MakingCassie]

Thank you for this, it really means a lot

[@WildflowersCreations]

1st THANK YOU for making this video and for being so honest, this is so needed for many of us. 2nd this was very difficult to watch for many reasons, the ones listed in the video but also my own medical issues. I recently lost 60 pounds in a very unhealthy mental way because of a mental breakdown, but the results have been very good for my overall physical health. That being said I am creating a new wardrobe because nothing fits from before and it's hard to balance the unhealthy and healthy emotions regarding my new body. I am though finally at the point that I will be making things for myself, not just taking my measurements and having others make dresses for me. Again thank you, your video / videos help more then you know.

[@MakingCassie]

Send you lots of love and courage on this journey!

[@vivienlee610]

Thank you for making yourself vulnerable and sharing your experience. Personally, I hate clothes on the bias because to me it doesn't feel comfortable and seems to cling in all the wrong places, so I won't put myself through that. Well done for persevering and overcoming .. its good to know someone else has the same experiences. Keep sewing "you" style. It's all a learning curve. x

[@MakingCassie]

Thank you!!

[@bethduffus4598]

The dress looks sensational on you! If your'e used to wearing loose clothes then any close-fitting garment, especially one cut on the bias, will take some adjusting to but you absolutely pulled the style off and the dress looks beautifully made too.

[@MakingCassie]

Thank you so much!

[@jodiebaxter8603]

Such a great video Cassie. Thank you for sharing about something so many of us deal with. I loved watching how you dealt with it by being loving towards yourself. This is emotional intelligence. Much love. 😘

[@MakingCassie]

Thank you Jodie!

[@TheGardenKitten]

a thousand things went through my mind, but I can not get them out. Thank you so much for sharing your journey. Thank you for this.

[@MakingCassie]

Thank you for being here

[@janet6114]

Great video. I love sewing too but sometimes it’s hard to stay body neutral because the practice begins with considering your size and measurements. I’ve made things too big and too small for different reasons.

[@MakingCassie]

It’s really challenging, but all a part of the process

[@basicbaroque]

Thank you for sharing your experience. I'm a beginner sewist, but I feel like honest conversations like this will help me in the future.

[@MakingCassie]

Thank you for being here !

[@CraftyChiara]

Thank you for sharing Cassie, I can totally emphasise with this and I’m glad to know I’m not alone! I mostly sew loose fitting dresses/tunics but some days having to check the fit in the mirror it is quite triggering. Sending love ❤

[@MakingCassie]

Thank you Chiara!

[@ilostsomethingones]

Wow thank you 💛this video right for me rn and not only abt sewing but also abt crocheting, this is become a struggle resently

[@MakingCassie]

Sending you lots of strength

[@edinacole6382]

I understand. I can relate. I see the pattern pieces as huge and cut the size I see myself as (the size I used to be) and the garment is two or three sizes too small, and of course, it looks awful on me. Only when my daughter re-took my measurements did I realize I had been making the wrong size. I still and always think the pattern pieces and finished garments are too big (actually I think they are huge) until i put them on and realize they fit me perfectly and I look beautiful in them.

[@MakingCassie]

Thank you for sharing ☺️I appreciate your vulnerability here!

[@mel_issa__]

Thank you for being so real about sewing.

[@MakingCassie]

Thank you for being here 🥹

[@anelmarx317]

Thank you for the way you vocalised feelings I have had so many times in the past making clothes or knitting something for myself. It is as if my emotions is connected to the piece I am sewing and unlike store clothes, if it doesn't fit I have invested time and money into the sewed garment where in the store I can just hang it back and forget about it. Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing that these feelings are real and ok. 🩷

[@MakingCassie]

Thank you for taking the time to comment 😊

[@Jillybean620]

Beautifully said.

[@Helenasew]

It's crazy what I mind can convince us! I totally relate to how you feel. I gained a few kgs in this last year, just working in an office role and really really struggled to accept it, my clothes weren't a full size bigger but just all a bit tighter, and I struggled as some are me made clothes, but eventually, I've got over it and just learned, you make clothes to fit you, not you to fit the clothes.

[@MakingCassie]

It’s one of those things that’s so easy to say to others but so difficult to apply to ourselves!

[@annabellerlb]

I have been struggling with similar feelings around knitting summer garments and just wanted to thank you for sharing this and your reflections on this experience 💕

[@MakingCassie]

I totally get that! Thank you for your comment.

[@lordtette]

1:08 I also use anything and everything as fabric weights Thank you for making this video. At times we can feel that were the only one goinf through something. As someone who's been wanting to make their own clothes, one of the reasons I've been hesitant to is because of ED and body dysmorphia; i'm also ftm, so I also deal with gender dysphoria but haven't started medically transitioning. Taking measurements for my body is something that can cause some anxiety. It's the same visceral reaction as being weighed at the doctors😅 But I couldn't figure out why doing something as creating clothes for myself, which should be feeeing, could also cause distress.

[@MakingCassie]

Thank you for sharing this with me. And yes to "everything as fabric weight"

[@maaiketjepkema7207]

Thank you for sharing. First time I think I have come across your channel. I loved your comment about clothes empowering you and making you feel confident.

[@MakingCassie]

Welcome! I'm happy you find me :)

[@ThePixiixiq]

What an important take away and video! This is exactly why I stick to the fit and patterns I'm most comfortable in but change the fabric to fancier if I need that ^_^

[@MakingCassie]

This is a great strategy!

[@ThePixiixiq]

@@MakingCassie It's at least been helpful for me ^^ It has the distinct advantage that I know the pattern I use in advance. The new fabric might be challenging but it's not both fit, pattern and fabric I have to juggle.

[@NewLeafDesigns]

Thank you so much for sharing this, Cassie. I know the feeling, it's great to make your own clothes and I love so many things about it, but it also highlights where your body is different from 'the norm' (whatever that may be). I always have to pick up more stitches around armholes for example, because I realized my arms have a larger circumference than in standard size charts. Body neutrality really is the key for me, and hearing your story is also so helpful.

[@MakingCassie]

Thank you Carmen. Body neutrality is a journey but such an important one

[@lizzyd]

I so appreciate your vulnerability in this video because I feel this way sewing, too! You articulated it so well. I was initially frustrated in my sewing journey because I heard so many people say how sewing helped them feel better in their bodies whereas I felt worse and I didn't know what was wrong with me (I'm really glad it was empowering for them!) I still struggle with choosing sizes because my dysmorphia gets in the way (either sewing too big or too small, not taking measurements because I don't want to get that up close to my body, etc.) But when I make something that just works and it feels good, I feel like a million bucks. So, this is my super long way of saying, sewing is emotional and I'm sorry it was triggering for you but seeing my experience reflected in this video was so comforting and validating. I'm grateful you're talking about it and I'm glad you were able to figure out what really works for you and what makes you excited to sew and wear. On a side note, I loved this dress on you so much I ran out and bought the patterns when I saw it on IG. I never thought I'd want to make something on the bias or something in this style but I saw someone who looks like me wearing something so glamorous, I really wanted to try it. So I want to experiment and be gentle with myself and maybe this dress will feel totally weird and out of my comfort zone but who knows? (Also send me good vibes because ugh silk. Maybe I'll try some cheap rayon to start...)

[@MakingCassie]

This comment is so lovely and well thought out, thank you! It’s a great pattern - I used satin viscose and the fabric was perfect for it!

[@Vic_Torii]

Thanks for sharing this. Firstly, I love the calming edits of the video. Secondly, This is soooo me and I love what you said at the end. I have gained so much weight since having my boy and it so happened that I started sewing around the same time and found that I was drawn to sewing clothes that made me hate myself - although I didn’t realise it at the time. I considered stopping sewing but I love the creativity around it, I enjoy it you see. So I took a 2 months break and realised that I have been sewing clothes that make me hate myself and for the first time this weekend, I made something that made me feel good about myself.

[@MakingCassie]

“I have been sewing clothes that make me hate myself”. Wow, how powerful. Thank you for sharing this. Sending you so much courage to keep being creative and exploring!

[@vicki3220]

I saw your picture of you wearing the dress that was too small and you saying how you felt awful and I though how beautiful figure you have. Sometimes when I catch myself thinking bout all the faults my body has and all the imperfections I remind my self that I need to be grateful to my body which supports me, works for me, keeps me alive without me having any idea how it does it. It is a miracle. We should remember that when we find ourselves being unhappy about how it looks. I wish you to cherish you beauty and you youth and too feel comfortable in your body.

[@MakingCassie]

That’s a perspective I also try to take, thank you for sharing ❤

[@lisart2488]

Thank you Cassie for sharing. I share many of your thoughts about my own body and usually only focus on what I percieve as negatives. My changing body as i head to menopause as only added to this. If you spend time making something you desperately want it to make you feel great so it's a total disappointment if that doesn't happen. It's good to step out of your comfort zone but it won't work every time. Take care of yourself x

[@MakingCassie]

Thank you Lisa, you as well!

[@gallagrrr]

Thank you for making this video and sharing with us, Cassie.

[@MakingCassie]

Thank you for being here Kelsey 🥹

[@prosie1968]

Thank you for sharing Cassie. Its a real struggle, how our emotions can steer our rational mind. I am seeing myself at the biggest I’ve been in 20 years. I’m a yo-yo extreme dieter, my metabolism is wracked and I decided to quit dieting over a year ago. It’s difficult to accept my body and not think when I’m this size…I’ll do x. I enjoy sewing as a creative outlet and I try to get a good fit in clothes I enjoy and feel confident in the styles I love regardless if they are flattering (key word-thin). Nobody has walked in our personal shoes, so I appreciate you giving some insight into your thoughts on this subject. You are such a delightful person and I think it’s easy to over simplify our KZbin friends. Sharing this will help your audience immensely I’m sure.

[@MakingCassie]

Thank you so much for this thoughtful comment. It's such a journey but it sounds like you're finding your way

[@lilan9728]

Thank you for sharing you’re such an inspiration and Im lucky to find you and fallow you 😊

[@MakingCassie]

I’m happy you’re here ☺️

[@poetmaggie1]

💗💕💞💞 I have problems too and it keeps me from sewing until I am in desperate needs.

[@MakingCassie]

I understand this feeling

[@archervine8064]

I’m sorry that’s been your experience. We’re all so individual! It makes sense some might be more triggered by ready made clothing and the (false) idea that if something doesn’t fit it means there’s something wrong with your body, while others might be more triggered that something meant to be ‘just right’ doesn’t work or the increased scrutiny of one’s body that might come with trying to alter a pattern to fit better.

[@MakingCassie]

Thank you for this!

[@robyn3349]

Thank you, well said.

[@ItsKyleBroflovski0]

Hey Cassie this is not my video but someone want u to do this and sent them it!

[@ames0596]

Amen sister!

[@maryjanejohnson4615]

Dear Cassie, what a lovely dress on you. As an older seamstress with body issues I can relate to what you are saying. However I would hate to see you not wear the dress if you like it. May I make a couple of suggestions? Maybe a lining would be helpful and a small jacket like a bolero. That might make it more comfortable. If not well, that is fine. I love seeing so many younger sewists. It has been many years since sewing was popular.

[@MakingCassie]

Thank you for your lovely comment and these suggestions! I did end up styling it more casually with a tshirt and cardigan over it and I really like it!

[@Simplesavemoney]

So beautiful

[@lordtette]

3:29 the shirt is amazing. Did you make it yourself?

[@MakingCassie]

Yes! It's a true bias Nikko dress that I changed the neckline of and made in mesh.

[@bsal4160]

What a beautiful video

[@MakingCassie]

Thank you ❤

[@aclownunpainted]

Such an important video.

[@MakingCassie]

Aw thank you!

[@nickiethesaint316]

Confession: I’m afraid to knit for myself because I don’t like my body/weight. It would be so nice to make my own clothing but I just can’t.

[@MakingCassie]

Making your own clothes can definitely be triggering. If you wanted to explore it, you could make accessories for yourself, like hats and scarves, and see how that feels

[@jilliankonig2759]

You ended up looking great in the dress, despite not feeling yourself wearing it because it was too revealing. A bias cut dress follows the contours of the body like water because the grainline of the fabric is disrupted. When picking out the seam on a delicate fabric, if you can identify the bobbin thread, you can pick it out every 2" or so, and pull it out, because the bobbin thread is just dragged along the bottom layer and does not pierce the fabric like the top thread. This prevents the long process of ripping out each stitch and is less likely to result in damage to the fabric. I believe in finding styles that suit not just your body, but allow you to feel that you are not revealing more of your body than you are comfortable with.

[@annahalverson1132]

❤

[@bossyboots5000]

Hello again. Now that I've had some time to rest I wanted to add a few thoughts. Hopefully this will come across right. I am continually astounded by how common eating disorders are, how many women I know of who've dealt with that. Sometimes it seems like its own silent epidemic. I think it's far more common than society realizes, in part bc the stigma, shame and sexism around the issue prevents girls and women from speaking out about their experiences. It's so often mocked, like it's not a real mental illness, these are just a bunch of dumb girls who wanna be skinny and need to just get over it. That sexism means eating disorders and body dysmorphia aren't treated like the serious illnesses that they are, so neither are the victims. It blames and marginalizes victims so it keeps it in the dark. What made your story especially poignant to me was that a big part of what drives me to your content is that you always look so confident and comfortable in your own skin in your clothes. When weighted with the negative messages we get, it's always extra nice to see someone who is contentedly being themselves, with their own style - no trendy glam filter, no duck face, no trying to pretend, no IG outfit everyone else is replicating. I feel like that in itself is almost a feminist statement. (Which is not to say you need to always look happy to keep viewers, bc that would be sick.) And then to learn that this person with a warm, beautiful smile and cute styling was actually suffering with body dysmorphia - that hit extra hard. I really feel for you. I've suffered with body dysmorphia since adolescence, off and on. Like, as long as I wasn't triggered I was fine, just very insecure due to a bunch of factors like my mom's psychotic fixation on my appearance and the need to be pretty (and of course, never being pretty enough) and child abuse. Then in my mid 20s it started getting more intense and frequent, in no small part bc my partner at the time always made me feel like I was never enough as a method of control. By 30, when I was in the best shape of my life and fit, a trip to the beach where anyone I knew would see me in a bathing suit would send me spiraling into fetal position crying hours later bc the emotional pain was so bad (even with a supportive partner). Then after getting trapped in another abusive relationship (far, far worse than the controlling guy) I developed suicidal body dysmorphia. Where the pain of looking "inferior" and "wrong" was so intense I wanted to die to make the pain stop. During one bad spiral, I had to keep every mirror in the house covered and damaged a wall trying to tack up a towel over the bathroom mirror. I later installed an actual curtain bar and curtain over the bath mirror, so I could close it and keep it covered whenever I got triggered. Which should tell you the frequency and intensity of the episodes. Like, when your mental health is so bad you have to make alterations to your home to accommodate your suicidal body dysmorphia you need help, ya know? But I don't recall ever addressing it in therapy bc there was always something "bigger" to discuss, which was probably the trigger but I didnt make the connection. And throughout all this my body experienced really radical changes, like losing 25% of my body weight in 3 weeks and then being stuck at a clinically anorexic weight for several years (though I never had an eating disorder, just some unhealthy eating), then later literally doubling in size to a clinically obese weight in a matter of months. Then losing the weight in less than a year and going back to basically my normal size again. Fortunately, I think the intensity of my dysmorphia has gone down quite a bit. However I'm disabled now, as a result of the child abuse and domestic abuse, and that has added a whole new level of complication to the issue. It's created a contentious relationship with my body that didn't exist before. Though fortunately I do have a really positive relationship with my clothes now. I feel so good when, as I say, "I get to dress like Me" (instead of grubbies). And part of that is learning about fit and tricks to dealing with an ever changing waistline. The other part is having clothes that really express who I am and feel comfortable (not fussy). Sharing all that just to say that I know the struggles of body dysmorphia, so while my pain isn't your pain, I still felt very sad to learn you've been dealing with this. No one should have to suffer like that. I really admired how compassionate and empathetic you were to yourself, it's truly inspiring and made me rethink how I could handle my own episodes. All of which is to say 1) thanks for sharing your experience and 2) I wish you healing and comfort. P.S. - FWIW, I thought the bias dress looked gorgeous on you. I would never have thought of it as unflattering at all. But I am sorry to hear that wasn't your experience.

[@MakingCassie]

Wow thank you for this comment. I wanted to take some time with it before I responded. I really appreciate everything you said here, and for also being vulnerable in your response ❤️

[@Michelle-bk5uq]

❤