How Stoics Find And Build Deep Relationships

It’s true. As Marcus Aurelius reminded himself, today you will meet jealous people. Selfish people. Mean people. Shameless people. Even stupid people.
It can be easy to get the wrong idea, though. Especially when you’re taking guidance from Marcus’s writings. Because, yes, such people do exist and always have existed. And yes, if you ever find yourself in an exalted position like Marcus, there will be a disproportionate number of those people around you on a regular basis. But it’s important to remember that in the normal world-in our world-most people are not those people.
In this video Ryan Holiday describes how you can find and build deeper relationships with the help of Stoic principles.
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[@thepuma77]

I'm recently learning how to be tolerant with my wife and strict with myself as well. It is going well.

[@Hiepphandang0702]

1. Remember we are connected 2. Remember you can not tell other people what to do 3. Don't take anything for granted 4. Avoid false relationships(friendship) 5. Care about other people 6. Be prepared with bad people 7. Be tolerant with others 8. Choose your friends

[@herzglass]

7. Be strict with yourself AND be tolerant with others*

[@saudigold50]

Hold zero attachments. Fast. Meditate. Life-changing.

[@nerd26373]

Stoics have a habit of being more in their zone when they're all alone, deep in thinking and particularly solo with all their innermost opinions and insights.

[@xeygonzales12]

✨✨✨

[@vickythompson4200]

I was single for 6 years after a 9 year relationship and I used to follow stoic principles almost really well (with some exceptions) but I would often find it really easy to practice them and remember them in my day to day life, I would take a lot of time to make sure I implement them and also agree with them indefinitely… I’ve just started seeing someone again after 6 years (very early days) and I’ve found myself going against everything I’ve taught myself, every thing I learnt from the stoics that saved me from my bad habits and bad ways of thinking. I found myself getting so caught up in the new wave of emotion of love that instead of being a diplomatic observer I am now a caught up insider. And it’s scaring me… because I learned all of this for a valuable reason, and it was so easy to gain perspective when I was alone, but now I have deep feelings again, trying to maintain my stoic approach is becoming more and more difficult and I feel myself becoming somewhat toxic, out of touch and difficult even though I know it’s wrong… my emotions are overriding the logic and I know deep down it’s not right, and I’m desperately trying to get back to my individual self that knows what’s right

[@josepsoler4124]

Absolutely disagree. We Stoics have a strong commitment to be kind and fair to every man and woman. We are community oriented and dont consider our philosophy just for ourselves, but to exercise it in social life

[@mistguides]

Quick summary for a recap (Though I recommend watching hte video at least once): 1. Remember we're connected -> Try to think as a humanity as a giant whole. 2. Preapre yourself -> People are not always nice, but remember it is your fault if you feel bad because you didn't prepare with a good perspective. 3. Choose your rleationships -> The people you hang out with, you become like them. You are inspired by them, so choose wisely which relationships you want. 4. Care about others -> Think about the common good (I recommend his book Ego is the Enemy). What is bad for the hive is bad for the bee. 5. Avoid false friendships -> Avoid them all at costs since nothing is more painful. But you can't control this completely, since you can only control yourself. But just be aware of this can happen. 6. Be tolerant of others -> Be strict with yourself and be tolerant of others. Be forgiving. 7. Take nothing for granted -> Memento mori and amor fati, sometimes some people you like may die tomorrow. 8. You can't tell people what to do -> Even if you think you are in charge, you are probably not in charge. I hope it helps anyone. Just ignore this comment otherwise if you don't want to read it.

[@thedudesmom7798]

Thanks!

[@piecemaker1911]

Thanks for the summary. How do you set standards/ expectations with those close relationships? Ex: A spouse that doesn't appear to put effort into the relationship. It doesn't seem very stoic to let their actions affect me, but at a certain point it seems like you have to draw a line, right? Or do you just unconditionally love them and not expect anything at all in return? Thanks again

[@tharunharinath5935]

Ask nalin for mkre

[@sobhanhayati3962]

I think what he meant by saying "Naive" at 2:16, was having expectations from others that won't match with their behaviors. This part was really enlightening, many thanks to Ryan!

[@AnaRuppenthal-rg3qd]

1:12 1. Remember we're connected 1:58 2. Prepare yourself 2:40 3. Choose your relationships 3:15 4. Care about others 4:17 5. Avoid false friendships 4:57 6. Be tolerant of others 5:41 7. Take nothing for granted 6:39 8. You can't tell people what to do

[@beStoic1]

Thank you for your time

[@raymobula]

Point 8! I wish more ppl understand this. I saw it in others and unfortunately tried myself to make ppl do something. Absolutely backfired. Since a along time now, I enable others, and if they run with it, great, if not, let them go.

[@johnroman4608]

I enjoy stoicism .. yet other people are difficult to tolerate.I do try. Tho one does care for others, luv others and do the best u can for them .. it goes unappreciated. In the end you always end up last ... all the same we soldier on in Stoicism.

[@sharonsimons8144]

I know I’m strict with myself and forgive others but joy peace and love come in.

[@MochiAguirre]

This videos have helped me a lot, with therapy, the correct medication, I am better and stoicism is helping me to be the best of myself

[@pierrepoulin9608]

Amen. :)

[@raginald7mars408]

Herr Pu Tin is your BEST Student ever he cultivates the Deepest Relations for Decades and beyond his Death Stoicism Works!

[@Ensiferum888]

I'm currently helping my 11 years old cat through cancer and even though it doesn't come naturally for the past few weeks I have learned to be grateful for all the time I spent with him and every moment I can spend with him now. I'm grateful for the opportunity to display courage in the face of uncontrollable change but I know when he leaves I'm going to be a mess for a few days. How can I get through that phase without simply pushing my feelings down and ignoring them?

[@dorismahoney1440]

You will be a mess. I have had pets that died. More or less the grief doesn't go away-not as fresh and disrupting over time I found. They are part of my experiences now.

[@ingrid3578]

you don't push them down. You feel them. You allow yourself the time and space to get extremely uncomfortable with the grief. You can tolerate great discomfort, trust me. The only way is through. Suppressing things is not the stoic way, not a mentally healthy way. Your grief will catch up to you in unexpected ways if you don't allow yourself to process it. I really wish you all the best. I have a senior cat that's currently healthy but I know it could change anytime, so every interaction I have with him I allow myself to be fully in the moment, meditating on how it feels to pet him, play with him, sit with them, all the great stuff!

[@joesyogafitness6085]

We all have undischarged grief. Otherwise we would see death as the circle of life. I lost my 18 year old cat. I got to spend the last 12 days with her. I was not alone grieving her death. That relationship with her was transformative. To love deeply, you must grieve deeply, part of being human. 😢😅

[@rachellskerlec4713]

You're in my head, Ryan. This is the video i needed today. I want to be a better forgiver of faults so i can have deeper connections. Thank you 🙏

[@kimberleygaleano8044]

Thank you I needed to hear this message this morning. Great reminder! ❤

[@dirlenelopez6033]

As I having been changing to become a better version of myself, I found myself living more and more from a stoic perspective without knowing that it had a name.. just great.

[@mrfluffybeehive]

You posted this on my birthday and I got Meditations then.

[@FolkBoyify]

This is what I needed! ❤️🙏🏾

[@richardschwarz7907]

Thanks Ryan!

[@bertramblik8826]

I listened to around 10-15 videos from you. This was again the best video I could hear today.

[@loosebrown6697]

Great advice great video man thanks for the words of wisdom i needed this it help to get through my life recently

[@ca6248]

Wow, this video was special. Thank you for this. ❤

[@marikasun4498]

Loved it 😍 YES!!! Thank YOU 🙏🏻

[@gvantsamolloy4354]

Ryan you are the best 👍🏻

[@jonb6564]

any advice for someone with no friends or family? how to be a solo stoic?

[@SpodyOdy]

One of your best videos recently 👍😎

[@aaronwimberleymbamsf5776]

Great meditation to start the day=]

[@sharonsimons8144]

If asked what I do heal and I accept and love myself as I also accept and love others

[@handler007]

people and headaches, marcus is right. What is within my control, my decision not to have more headaches.

[@kahaki]

thank you

[@kurtismotif]

I had this book a long time ago called Jesus and Lao Tzu : The Parallel Sayings.Interestingly enough no one claims to be the author Martin Aronson is the editor and David Steindt-Rast does the introduction. Its really cool on facing pages this is what Lao Tzu said on the facing page what Jesus said that was identical in meaning if not very close in actual words. I had it down and gave to someone. I bought one for my brothers son and I went ahead and got one for myself. I recently re-read meditations for the second time and I think there needs to be a 3rd philosopher added to the book there is a very not so strange commonality I noticed having it fresh in my mind. Maybe yould like it too. Its very very cool. Considering my appeal to all three philosophers, I guess I could have put that together awhile ago. No wonder I like them all and keep returning to them over and over. Its because they are all saying the same thing !!!

[@gingicomingi]

I love this guy's content

[@joannajohnson696]

Tolerant & understanding of other people. Yes, I want friends, but to find true friends is rare. The friends I do have, we have connected for at least 25 years. Rare.

[@Gm__MUA]

A thought-provoking question: If not working for the common good then what’s love for?

[@Dmc805]

You are Always refreshing and healthy for me or us TKY

[@o.0.o.0]

❤️🙏🏻❤️ thank you

[@florentcouturier7465]

It would be great to have your take on lucid dreaming. I was reading Charlie Morley's Books but your insights on dreams would bf great.

[@1Carly]

I know Charlie! This is crazy to read this on a comment😂

[@ricardopietrobon1222]

Man, you make a difference

[@unclebob8419]

This is all very general. Specifics would be helpful

[@paulharrison7968]

Ryan you do an excellent job in explaining the importance of relationships in the context of stoicism. I have been attracted to stoicism over past few weeks. Just purchased and started reading meditations and two other books but was struggling with how relationships. I am a single chap of 59 who does not have a support network. I have children who have chosen to not want me in their life. I have also come from a money orienrated life what advise can you give and what are top five books you ca. recommend as I try and plan the rest of my life ?

[@Hateweek1984]

I'm a chronic failure at most of my undertakings...i "try" but shit gets unravelled at most points..and those I'm supposed to love are paying for it....

[@tabitharodgers1809]

This should be taught in schools 💯🤓

[@salesguyjoe]

The only thing is that I wish I would have found stoicism earlier. But, I find that it's what I have been doing, I just didn't have a name for it.

[@jacintasekhon3119]

Paul urged the Colossians to do the same… Colossians 3: 13 “Continue putting up with one another and forgiving one another freely even if anyone has a cause for complaint against another. Just as Jehovah freely forgave you, you must also do the same.”

[@tbcstuff3634]

Sounds great, if only I could actually do it. Controlling own emotions just seems impossible.

[@komentattor]

Start with understanding them - find good psychoterapist to analyse why they are so strong

[@divinestep3251]

Some people use fear, threat, blackmail, etc. to force others to do what they want.

[@lillianirenel]

Good points to be reminded on. Thanks Shimra? Origin/meaninf?

[@lukeramel140]

Do you have a podcast channel? Spotify? Anything?

[@duncanmountfort142]

2.15 was that Brent from 'ghost town living'?

[@pavinthiagu]

Ryan Ive followed you for 6 years I just have one Query : Is it okay to " Let go " of the person you love the most . Actually " this is not under my control" + Im aware of my thoughts I just want to know.

[@OptimismIsMyDrug]

"She says tolerant with others, strict with yourself." "He was conscious of the fact that it was called self-discipline for a reason." "You control yourself, you control the standards you set for yourself." "But you have to be tolerant and understanding of other people." "The Stoics didn't think that philosophy meant withdrawal from the world or from other people." "Life was about relationships and other people." "Navigating the good and the bad of relationships with our fellow human beings." "Your life is enriched by and defined by your relationship with other people." "Meditate often on the interconnectedness of everything in the world." "We're all connected, we're all part of this one enormous organism."

[@tutel4832]

I'm quite confused about #8 "You can't tell people what to do". Because as a leader, the people you led should supposedly follow your decisions. How can you be a leader if you can't lead your people? I really appreciate the answers.

[@marklawson1193]

I believe it’s more “you can’t force people to do anything.” Even as a leader, you can tell them what to do all you want, but it is up to them to do it or not. Even if you set an ultimatum, it is their choice to either do it or face the consequences. I think it is one’s job as a leader to convey how doing what you ask of someone is beneficial both to themself and the group, and to help them see the big picture. As anyone with children can attest to, the more you push someone the more they will resist, even if they know what is asked of them is the right thing. Sometimes it takes gentle persuasion instead of force to get someone to the point you want them to be.

[@piecemaker1911]

@@marklawson1193 Nice. How do you set standards/ expectations with those close relationships? Ex: A spouse that doesn't appear to put effort into the relationship, even after explanation of 'the why'. It doesn't seem very stoic to let their actions affect me, but at a certain point it seems like you have to draw a line, right? Or do you just unconditionally love them and not expect anything at all in return? Thanks

[@marklawson1193]

@@piecemaker1911 I think relationships require a very fine balancing act. Stoicism suggests that we set very high expectations for ourselves, but not to hold others to quite the same high standards. We should quickly forgive when they don't meet what expectations have been set for them. Personally, I think any real love should be unconditional. Give with all of your heart, and hold no expectation of anything in return. However, if we reach a point where the relationship is damaging to us, and there appears to no solution, it's time to move on. If they really love you, they should be able to show some love and put some effort into the relationship. People show love differently, but if there is no reciprocation at all, the relationship may not be meant to be.

[@DrewWilson192]

If you are the boss of an innovation company, how do you embody being tolerant of your staff when they are not doing what you need them to do to build the vision you have?

[@DrewWilson192]

I posed this question when I paused the video part-way through. And I see that point #8 addresses it!

[@elimarc3891]

This guy is special. But where is his Spiritual video? Awesome at diving and great sailing but how can you fly?

[@montajabbishani1789]

❤❤❤❤

[@sharonsimons8144]

What if I am one with the world and universe

[@shivashishsarkar8584]

If you are advocating this can you tell us what you have achieved in your life which indicates the importance of stoicism?

[@jonargentina6285]

Massive fortunes.

[@hardiksingh3698]

He sounded like Robert greene mid way

[@jonargentina6285]

They come from similar stock

[@phillippearce9680]

👍

[@jonargentina6285]

Nosey mcNoseberg peddles The 6lobo 7omo philosophy

[@chrismullin8304]

Did he say “shimera”?

[@zsuzsablom6256]

Chimera

[@andreamichellelopez5600]

New & ❤ ur Levi jacket🙏🏻helping🫶

[@IZealous7]

Should I forgive a “friend” who stole $500 I used to pay for a music festival two-day pass/hotel costs, and took someone else instead with that money?

[@codys8293]

Yes. That sucks and if there is no way for you to even get it back i wouldn't let it get to you. It will just lead to bitterness. Even if you have to end the friendship and lose 500. Yahweh bless.

[@Sound_of_the_trees]

Forgive, try to get your money back, and never talk to them again

[@carolinewolf8334]

That green military jacket don't look good on you, Goodwill it♥️

[@dee-ix3iq]

Can you be a Christian plus a stoic ?

[@claydemelo7562]

You can just say “Marcus”

[@TR-ii3xu]

🤍

[@sharonsimons8144]

What if you do stoicism spiritually???!!!! And I’m the real world????!!!!!

[@daniellesoulard5215]

You lost me at "I hope you liked this video...I hope you subscribe"