How the Black Female Selection Criteria Actually Hurts Black Women

[@infinitymfg5397]

When a lot of women hear this kind of message they read it as 'lower your standards'. The problem isn't women having standards that are too high, the problem is that their standards are weirdly specific. For every woman that will cut a guy some slack for being flaky and unreliable, there are 2 that will next a guy for being 5'10 instead of 6'0". If you're going to draw a hard line, do it for traits like how a guy behaves and how it will translate into the future, not for things that are simply novelties.

[@helloladieswithromwills6426]

Real talk. I have a video coming for that.

[@ymarley1180]

they have all them standards and get pregnant from a bum anyways let em have em they doing us a favor

[@dyaonna]

Word

[@TheApollo2200]

Rom, this is a great video. I am married and have always told my single friends that just being out and about I run into wonderful men (of all races) all of the time. I totally agree that some of of the criteria that some sisters have (I can speak on this because I am one) is almost next to impossible and if you try to make a suggestion some of them to adjust the criteria they will not budge on this mythical man. Having grown up here in Southern California, prior to my meeting my husband, I had not and still do not too much encounter black men from other countries (particularly Africa). I would have to say the same of my single counterparts. In fact, I don't think I have ever heard of them wanting to date a black man from a different culture. This may have to deal with not being exposed to different cultures. Bottom line, some ladies really, really need to change that criteria and start selecting substance over style. Style will not be in your corner, want to marry you and help raise your children if that is truly what you want. So what the man is short, may have a tummy, is balding, has a gap in this teeth (sisters some of this can be worked out). Will he be good to you and can you cooperate with the man to build a legacy? That's the million dollar question! Hell, some of us need to take a look in the mirror! We have work to do as well (myself included I might add)!! Rom, thanks again and please keep these coming. I am really enjoying this channel. Thank you.

[@helloladieswithromwills6426]

Well said sister. There's many single brothas out there who would make good husbands. Sistas need to grab them.

[@TheApollo2200]

Rom, they sure better because Maria, Becky, Ming Lee are snatching those men right up and building/solidifying legacies! Again, I live here in Southern California (I am seeing it all). Some of these women do not mind short, balding, gap, etc.. They are so thrilled to have a wonderful man and father for their children. I think this mess all got started during the blaxploitation film era (I am 48 so I don't mind dated myself) because our great-grandmothers/grandmothers back in the day were not on this style over substance. They recognized a good, quality man. This is really crazy to me.

[@helloladieswithromwills6426]

I'm trying to get us back there.

[@A.Nel2684]

First of all shout to you for your wonderful & enlighting comments. I'm a 29 yr old black man in NYC and I see the same thing here. I'm currently not looking for a relationship myself but like Rebecca Lynn Pope says BW dating standards are abnormal & irrational. Yes, I've had issues trying to date BW because I don't fit the "stereotypical" black man which forced me to date the Maria & Marisol but I'm still attracted to the sisters they just have to work on the attitude and dating criteria. For example: Why would I date a black woman (or any woman) who chose to date a criminal? Let me tell you as a critical thinking guy myself I would automatically judge her based on her dating track record it is what it is.....

[@VintageAfro91]

When you mentioned how some black women were saying that they should date out due to the shortage of black men, it made me think of this new reality show called "To Rome With Love" where they take American Black women and send them to Italy to "find love" with Italian men. I remember thinking why couldn't it be a show where these women go to an African or Caribbean country or environment.

[@helloladieswithromwills6426]

I always wonder that myself. There's brothas in Africa and the Caribbean.

[@theboyboymurph]

VintageAfro91 there's a much deeper agenda with that show I'm not against dating outside of your race but I do feel you should try your best to find someone compatible that is your own race love has no color I am mixed with black and Italian but I prefer black women

[@SarahSarahR]

theboy murph I'm a black women and I fully agree with that.... there's mannnnny black women looking for black men , don't lose hope.

[@connie4872]

So true

[@jlionmenelik77]

Monica58 Buttercups. They should I know some brother that did go to East Africa.

[@adriennemuhammad2807]

In general, American woman isolate themselves by seeking group approval (of other women also), and thus do not "move around" by themselves. I was engaged to a West African man and that happened because I socialize as a loner and am inclined toward diverse surroundings...

[@Brooklyn_Muse]

Most African men & African women are not raised to date & marry outside of their culture. Yes there are many instances where the different cultures mix and marry however it is not the preferred choice. African men will date a black American woman however marriage will most likely not happen. Africans are very tribal.

[@BigDiscussions76]

Uncle Rom did you ever think the "Select" and "Non-Select" discussion would evolve to where it is today?

[@helloladieswithromwills6426]

Yes because women just use different more specific terms.

[@demetriustracy]

I've been told by a few women of different races that I check their boxes. What does that really mean?

[@helloladieswithromwills6426]

They find you attractive. You might want to save comments like this for my main channel.

[@ellisjackson3355]

demetriustracy congratulations!

[@busyrand]

Great video! My most successful friends are also my shortest. They're wives are sprung over them too. They dominate every facet of life and would be considered non-select by your average woman scanning the dating pool due to height. Rom is 100% right. Most men will be taller and typically more physically fit than their female counterparts, so that's the first thing that should be relaxed.

[@MsJoyce31202]

For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God. Roman's 3:23. I say this based on what was said about problems in every community. Any thinking person would see and know this. People look at others and judge all the time. You are either better than someone or they are better than you. Their life, etc is "better" than yours or mine. In some cases everybody's life is better than ours, because we always focus on self and when we focus on others they are better than we are. Why else would Rom say that womens criteria are damaging to women. Some times we all have faulty criteria based on what we feel or think. We don't always know Any Better, or atleast we act as if we dont. We seem to think that other people don't have problems! Now if criteria is messing us up, this is part of the reason. Faulty assumptions come from faulty view points. We don't know what we want. Only what we THINK we want. "If I knew then what I know now, I would or wouldn't have........" You fill in the blank........

[@speedlife301]

Joyce 31202 funny how women are by far the most judgmental and superficial gender but yet they hate being judged and men having standards

[@priestesskesha5038]

Greetings! Heres my 2cents on the question of why some sisters dont give other brothers a chance... other brothers that aren't born in the US, from what I've heard is: being afraid that the man might take a child out of the country, prejudice based on general beliefs about certain men, for example the idea that Nigerian men are overbearing and controlling... for me I am actually more concerned with how the man is towards me and not concerned with where he was born, my guy is actually from Senegal, my ex husband is from Ghana. Maybe it has something to do with our upbringing, what we are exposed to... I think more sisters might give other brothers a chance if not for the beliefs ...the prejudice...

[@helloladieswithromwills6426]

Thanks for sharing that sis. I value your opinion.

[@priestesskesha5038]

Hello Ladies with Rom Wills thanks again for the channel!

[@doncalypso]

In Vino Veritas....

[@winniew6742]

Rom...l disagree , Africa is fully booked😞. I don't like your idea 😉☺️.