How to AVOID traumatising your own children… | The Body Trauma Expert Bessel van der Kolk

[@Trammiliin_nr2]

From personal experience I wholeheartedly agree that the trauma of betrayal is real. My father was a terrible person who did terrible things… and my mother justified him, blamed me for what happened to me, and denied me medical aid when he injured me. I’ve been in therapy for some years now, and I don’t talk about my father often. Although my mother rarely beat me, she was the one who broke my spirit. And I’ll never forgive it to her. My message to all parents who hope that their violent spouse is going to change: not protecting or actively seeking ways to protect your children from abuse is also abuse.

[@ottonieoswald9184]

So sorry for what you went through xx

[@TheGiftedRN]

i can relate to this wholeheartedly 😢

[@anastasiabeaverhousin7355]

Most people dont have a village when they raise kids. Our culture and society has become so individualised and promotes work over family. Everyone knows parents shouldnt raise kids alone however most dont have much choice

[@sincerely-b]

Communities were allowed to help educate and discipline children. This is why it worked. Now you're not allowed to tell a child anything and especially not allowed to reprimand a kid. So now it's each to their own as children have become less manageable.

[@iantaylor155]

Absolutly, which explains the levels of metal health in societies. I live in the UK, and so many people live in a suburb and drive everywhere and have no contact with other people. It explains so much.

[@SoSo-c5b]

People are getting so much more hateful and disconnected from other’s suffering every year it’s sad 😢

[@priusa8113]

There is no such thing as a village, everyone lives separated, there r pedophiles everywhere, childcare is expensive, parents like myself r exhausted and constantly thinking of divorce 😢

[@charlottehines5710]

The complicated part about community is that if you don’t have it, and you need it, you have to go get it. Community doesn’t knock on your door, community doesn’t fall out of the sky, it’s a parents duty to form community. If you have kids, and you need help, you need to communicate with other capable adults around you, who are trustworthy and share your values, and ask for help. If you dont know people like that, start making small talk with other adults with kids who you see around you, chat with teachers, be vulnerable, honest and humble. Thats whats hard about community. You cant buy it.

[@loveyvo]

The blind eye and the other parent's betrayal. Will def watch full episode

[@andrewwallace3047]

Brilliant as always. Never seen this genius before. Such a knowledgeable man.

[@TheOriginalRasheedat]

This is how we were raised. My family is Nigerian.. In a village.

[@goinblinddoggone]

I had this in my childhood, huge family on both sides, extended to in-laws and parents friends and their children. Plus our own friends and schools, libraries, neighbours, church. Very old and very young and everything in between. Things changed immeasurably when Thatcher came to power in 1979 and compounded problems without solving or resolving.

[@kevinburke9940]

I love your show. I don’t always get to watch every episode, but they are informative and entertaining. As an aside, I bought Dr van def Kolk’s book & it opened my eyes to childhood trauma. You can’t go back, nor undo, but you can get help and move forward ❤.

[@kaysigsworth1222]

We all need to start looking after our own mental health. This needs to start from a very young age. Learning techniques to do this on a daily basis. It needs to start NOW!

[@sheilamartin1577]

As a 1% introvert..I hated to be on a sports team. In gym class when we had to play team sports, it was horrifying. In contrast, I excelled in gymnastics, skiing and cycling. Not everyone is designed to agressively chase a ball.

[@goinblinddoggone]

This is where the listening skills are vital. Everyone is different.

[@HyperCarnivoreChef]

This is the same thing ive finally started to think years ago, we should grow in a small village and have more close exapmples and see how our parents interact with the community but we are getting more and more isolated , small families with no relationship with people living around them, it's not working for anyone

[@itaz6276]

It depends whose in that village. If I let my kids have more interaction or lived closer to my extended family then they would be in more of a toxic environment and being taught toxic personality traits And in big cities you don’t have a “neighbourhood” per se that can be relied upon as you don’t know them well enough

[@eloisebrynlee]

One of the reasons I never had them.

[@moirosalina]

Thank you

[@traditionalfood367]

Fewer places, not less.

[@TheOriginalRasheedat]

So excited about this conversation.

[@ionutboss1266]

Important în dezvoltarea unui copil să vadă cât mai mulți alți părinți adulți cum gândesc și cum reacționează idee sat Village african Traumă copii au nevoie de ajutor și există oameni lângă ei care nu îi ajută și stau privitori Ideea că nu are cine să ajute nu au unde să ceară ajutor când sunt într o situație Grea le frică Lipsă grup suport și încredere in alti oameni 3:20 întrebarea cea mai des pusă Unde găsesc acest ajutor răspunsul trebuie să fii un explorator Traumele se rezolva in relatii cu alti oameni Traumele sunt provocate cu unii oameni și se tratează cu alti oameni

[@karinalombrozo3257]

Sorry What Who Idealizes What?

[@Noname-u2b]

Child rearing People Idealize Large social support systems as seen in African villages Hope that helps

[@marievlachos103]

This is very shaming! Not everyone has a village! I'm deeply disappointed in this advise. Extremely judgmental

[@SusanHopkinson]

Beware of projecting your own guilt onto this. I find this very helpful and even common sense advice. We are responsible for our choices and actions, especially as parents

[@shyamalidasgupta671]

Not judgemental

[@shyamalidasgupta671]

Please read his book

[@saussauss1642]

No its the truth. Truth can’t hurt sometimes. I myself have not a big familie surrounds. But you won’t hear me scream NO THIS IS NOT FAIR ADVISE. Instead i search for solutions

[@PartyofSixPY]

He shared solid advice. It is up to you as to how you hear it. If you want to be offended then so be it. If you want to do something with your life then start now.