How to Be Single (As A Vocation) | LITTLE BY LITTLE | Fr Columba Jordan CFR

Fr Columba discusses what being single for the Lord can look like ... as a vocation (not a default). And we get to hear about Ray.
0:00 Introduction
0:39 The Don'ts
1:33 As A Vocation
4:50 I Want To Tell You About Ray
7:08 It's A Real Thing
7:34 Like & Subscribe!
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Little by Little | Episode #77
Little by Little is a weekly video series by Called to More in collaboration with the Franciscan Friars of the Renewal. Our host, Fr Columba Jordan CFR, brings you quality Catholic content with new episodes every Thursday at 6pm GMT. Be sure to subscribe!
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[@DanielWSonntag]

I take care of my dad as a single man. Christ and the Church are my relationships.

[@ctmcatholic]

God bless you!

[@fabianpatrizio2865]

I do too

[@davidtombs7385]

For all it's potential problems, it is a wonderful thing to do. God bless you.

[@lorettagallagher9577]

Very helpful. I pray that I become the woman, Our Lord put me on this earth to be. Being an older (65) single woman is a blessing in many ways. I can go were ever Our Lord guides me .

[@valerierogers9609]

Yes, I feel the same. Please lead me, Lord 🙏

[@paulduffy7572]

Now sister I'm 50 I'm so glad I read your message I feel it may be a wee blessing in disguise thaks again!!!

[@sarahrei4530]

Finally, someone’s talking about this. Why is it that almost nobody in the Church talks about this voccation and many people don’t even know or don’t recongize being single as a voccation? Thank you, Fr. Columba!

[@ctmcatholic]

Great question! Glad we could cover it here. Bless you!

[@44esta44]

💖🙏 How I needed to hear this....I'm in my 70s......single....wanted to be married.....it was clear that wasn't going to happen.....it's never too late, right, Father!? So, I just said to Our Lord, thank you, for my my singleness, never thought of doing that......after having read Therese, love became my vocation, even though I am VERY imperfect at it...... years ago felt like a second class citizen....neither the culture or the Church knew what to do with with being single.....I certainly didn't fit into the culture......often thought there should be some kind of "ceremony" for single people as a way to show their dignity and value in the Church.....I don't need it .... but, maybe some day the Church will acknowledge us....as they do with priests, nuns, married people .... Amen!

[@mlpires1815]

Bravo, speaking as a single in my 50's.

[@erinduvic8579]

“Get off my case!” So stinking funny. Ha ha ha

[@ctmcatholic]

🙏🙏

[@RHSTang]

Thank you so much for this video, Fr Columba, this vocation doesn’t get enough airtime! I have recently discerned this call - it took a while bc I had so many fears and pressures re both marriage and religious life that the Lord healed one by one (Praise Him!) - but there is such great peace in my heart now. The Lord actually gave me a vision - I saw a life where I would serve Him totally in my work or a life where I was happily married and with children. He asked me to choose. I chose to serve Him - my exact words were that I wouldn’t be able to live it down if I chose marriage for myself while forsaking a specific mission that the Lord had for me. But I found myself too weak to make that private vow, so I prayed that He would need to do it through me if He wanted it. And He did. And the peace and light in my soul after……I will never forget. I was very unsure about this vocation previously because the Church doesn’t promote it and there is a fear that I’m just being selfish….but there is a difference when it is a true calling. I take inspiration from Our Lord Himself….”my food is to do the will of Him who sent me and to finish His work.” Another example is Michelangelo….see the movie ‘Agony and Ecstasy’. I share my story for anyone else discerning this vocation - and as Fr Columba always says - God wants you to have the most peaceful and joyous life, doing what you were made to do. Trust Him. God bless you!

[@LindaLucia17]

This resonates deeply with me. Thank you for sharing Stephanie. God bless you!

[@ctmcatholic]

Thank you for sharing this, Stephanie. 🙏

[@newtothismu]

Beautiful! Thank-you for sharing ❤️ Very helpful and brings peace. May God always guide you and light your way towards Him!

[@Cyril1112]

Thanks for sharing. God bless you ✝️🙏

[@RHSTang]

There is a myth in the church that singleness is not a true vocation. In fact, as St Catherine of Siena, St Kateri Tekakwitha and Our Lord himself attests, it is a true vocation if He calls us to give our life completely to Him and His work that may be outside a religious order or marriage. Even St Paul was celibate for the sake of the Kingdom out of a religious order as we know it today…..these orders only arose later on in the Church’s life. But giving oneself totally to Christ, celibate for the sake of the Kingdom, especially as a Bride of Christ, was there at the start of the Church.

[@michaelsix9684]

at 68 never married and never successful in dating, finally stopped at 46, survived cancer, and now retired, finally accepted being single was my vocation

[@filhademaria3326]

I cannot fathom how timely this was for me. I was struggling for a while and just took my vows for a lay celibate today. It felt SO FREEING I was completely sure that it is my vocation. After a life of many failed relationships (I’ve always felt they got in my way with my Faith), a divorce, I’m a happy mother of a boy and have decided to answer the call for a consecrating myself to Celibacy. Thank you so much for bringing this topic. Much needed! Good bless ♥️😌🙏🏻

[@ctmcatholic]

Bless you @Filha de Maria, very glad this video could help you in some way. 🙏

[@lgeef1631]

So great , I took a vow 6 years ago...there are many others out there. God Bless you

[@mazikode]

Father Columba..you are so funny seminarians for life🤣🤣 this is such a good topic. Thank you so much.

[@ryanpierce5460]

I'm 41 and single, and I regularly attend mass. I found myself feeling down about being single. Thanks for giving me insight that my life isn't a waste. I've done volunteer work for the church, but I feel I should do more.

[@truthortreason9118]

Once I was at Mass where the priest talked about the two vocations in life - marriage and the religious life.

[@diannecarter1754]

Thank you for this one! I e been single a long time and I do feel it’s Gods will

[@ctmcatholic]

A pleasure, bless you!

[@reneemontalvo6538]

Some inspiring Saints who were single: St. Rose of Viterbo, St. Rose of Lima, and St. Catherine of Siena. They were part of a third or lay order, but they were not nuns. If you know of others, please comment!

[@RHSTang]

St Kateri Tekakwitha!

[@RHSTang]

St Cecilia! (forced to marry but lived a celibate life because she had promised herself to the Lord!)

[@archsword2446]

St. Agnes

[@ThePhobosAnomally]

St. Anthony of the desert.

[@THERESIO]

St Casimir - Patron for bachelor men

[@sonyaneal6539]

Right to the point Fr.Columba, it is a natural instinct to want to be married, although when I was younger I did NOT want to be captive so to speak to the vocation of marriage. I was a true free spirit in my youth. However, the Holy Spirit moved in my life in a way I never would have expected! I had a child at twenty-one, now have a 36 year old son, who has been the grounding force in my life! Regretfully though have spent wasted time seemingly in relationships that were not for me. Looking back I can see where each experience in my life has brought me closer, and closer to the Lord. Now I live as a single, celibate, consecrated contemplative in our secular world. Again it's natural to want marriage...I was twice married, twice divorced, lived with a man for ten years...now I have the best spouse anyone could ever hope to have in Christ Jesus. The truth is Fr.Columba, for me personally, I can only speak for myself, the people that I've loved in my life have left, abandoned or turned their back on me. As a person who has suffered severely from the effects of PTSD, I have come to know Christ Jesus will never leave, abandon or turn His back on me. It's that simple in a broken world. Peace, Joy and Love in the Most Holy Light of Christ Jesus. Thank you for what you do!

[@marystenson2852]

How beautiful! God bless you

[@corneliaadolfsson9379]

Thank you Father!😃 I'll take this as a sign!😃 Been thinking about this for such a long time now. And here you are Father talking about what I needed too hear.🌸 Thank you!😃

[@pascalmoisan3055]

Oh no! I can't go M.O.B.... I'm not that surprised, but it is new to me.

[@maryrapunzal6883]

Thank you so much Fr. Columba because I choosing to be single life. 🤍Love from Myanmar 🇲🇲

[@ctmcatholic]

Bless you Mary, you’re in our prayers!

[@pamphillips2358]

You are such a blessing to me

[@ctmcatholic]

Bless you!

[@diannerussell9653]

I have tried to befriend people however they just don’t like me. I do love myself. I have people say well Dianne you have to love yourself in order for people to like you. That’s not the case with me saying things like that is human not Spiritual. Every time I think I have made a friend bingo , God Whisks me away from them or he’ll put a barrier up straight away like some crazy forcefield where I can’t get near them and they can’t get near me. Just goes to show he’s a jealous God and wants me for himself I have to accept it and I embrace it now I no longer try to make friends with humans. You have to accept what you are and accept what you do and accept things for what they are. It’s a lonely life but this life isn’t mine my life is waiting somewhere better for me with my father in heaven. ❤

[@marystenson2852]

Do not be afraid, I heard recently Fr. Mike (Ascension Presents podcast / KZbin) talk about this that when we feel isolated / rejected etc ( very common) he says give alms. for me I visit/ volunteer/ write cards and letters of sympathy/ encouragement ,smile and silently bless people I see in the supermarket etc etc. I’m inspired by St Therese and her “little Way”

[@purewater77887]

Father, I don't think it's terrible to be single burr it's def terrible to be single when you really don't want to be. You get to wonder why God doesn't allow what you so wish and pray for.

[@mazikode]

God bless you Fr Columba this really resonates with me, during the past year I have finally come to peace and happiness with my not being married and this video validates what I have been thinking over the past year.

[@SavannahTheWolf]

Examples of lay single vocations (proven to be holy): Blessed: Carlo Acutis, Pier Giorgio Frasatti, Jose Gregorio Hernández, OFS Saints: St Catherine of Siena, St. Mariana de Jesús Paredes, St. Rose of Lima, St. Gemma Galgani.

[@LindaLucia17]

Dear Fr. Columba, Thank you so much for sharing this reflection! It definitely pierced my heart. Thank you! God bless you.

[@ctmcatholic]

So glad to hear that. God bless!

[@DistributistHound]

thank you very much father Columba did not know being single was actually in the cathechism as a vocation 😅 so... as a 35 year old single male is a topic that resonates with me... I stopped asking the lord if this was my vocation at 33 but now I feel like I should be asking again

[@ctmcatholic]

Very glad this could be of help! Praying for you and your discernment :)

[@gplil1]

Thank you Fr Columba ✝️ I am a married woman ❤️🌹❤️ with 3 adult children who don't practice their faith. 😔

[@JamesLeonardnyc]

God bless you!

[@ibbyfit]

thanks for this, i am a widow with two small kids, and i feel that God is calling me deeper, considering consecrated life while being a mother. your video helped me to understand more about consecrated life. Thank you

[@ctmcatholic]

May God bless you and your discernment, you are in our prayers ❤️

[@JoshJimenez_]

At the moment I've been discerning priesthood because of my anxiety of not be able to provide for my family if I'm called to Marriage. I know that's wrong and it's something I'm working on. But I just gotta be honest, please keep me in your prayers

[@teabozikovic2104]

Just keep investing in deeper relationship with Jesus...I will pray for you today.

[@JoshJimenez_]

@@teabozikovic2104 thanks

[@reneelascala5050]

I’ll pray for you today also. Your anxiety is not baseless.

[@archsword2446]

ask St. Camillus de Lellis to guide you to Jesus

[@chrismults1500]

Definitely a topic that is so rarely discussed ❤

[@laudemgloriae3]

Nice talk! Some people debate this, but it was great how Father was able to simply pull from what the catechism says. One point I wanted to make though since Father mentioned them is that consecrated virgins are not actually in the single category for vocations but consecrated life like religious. The consecration they receive from a bishop is more binding for life even than religious vows, which makes it a much different thing than being single where there's always a possibility of being called to the married state at another point in life. But yes, this talk was great!! All wonderful vocations! I loved Father's talk on celibacy too!!🙌

[@jedfoster3155]

This is really encouraging. I think I do have a few questions. Where is the fine line between not discerning a call to marriage versus not having a "desire" for marriage? If someone has never felt a strong pull to get married and have children, yet still understands the objective beauty in the vocation to marriage, which category does s/he fall under? Secondly, the paragraph Fr. Columba cited (CCC 2231) mentions giving oneself "more completely to a profession" as an "honorable end." I'd be interested to know more about how this can be considered an honorable end if it means forgoing marriage and a family for the sake of one's profession.

[@shannonsalter6407]

Thank you for making this video!

[@ctmcatholic]

Glad it was helpful!

[@antonioramos7139]

There is the sacrament of matrimony, which gives marriage a dignity way superior to singledom, unless you receive the sacrament of Ordination. There is no sacrament for singledom. I think that people are single by default or choice, but that it is not as good as the state of matrimony and ordination. In my case, I am single because I am sexually attracted to people of the same sex. My only option is to be celibate and to dedicate my life to helping others. It wasn't my choice, so my only option was to accept it and surrender - a little like that story about Jonah and the "whale".

[@ctmcatholic]

I think it’s true to say that God has a plan for everyone and following God’s plan for your life is the best vocation possible. We have to trust that He doesn’t mess around with our vocation, like Fr Columba said. I hope that can be of help.

[@whitevortex8323]

On the contrary, 1 Corinthians 7:25-38, Finally in the council of trent twenty fourth sesssion Can. 10, If anyone says that the married state excels the state of virginity or celibacy, and that it is better and happier to be united in matrimony than to remain in virginity or celibacy,[15] let him be anathema. There are many other verses in favour, my point is that the state of Celibacy is superior to the state of Marriage. Also, what about religious brothers who receive no Sacrament of Holy Orders, they live single lives yet they do so more in a visible way for the sake of the kingdom.

[@steves3578]

Thank you for this comment. I am in the same situation and have accepted this station. I am not happy about it and wish I could get married and have a family - I certainly did not choose to be this way. I know I’m complaining a bit here but it does anger me. I ask GOD for peace and understanding and it’s a daily struggle. People who are not afflicted with SSA truly do not know this struggle and what it does emotionally. I would not have chosen to be single and chaste. It’s only because I want to live GOD’s will. But it does leave me feeling lonely and the odd man out. Yes accept him since he is celibate but don’t get too close since he has SSA. Thanks for listening.

[@paulinehillson9059]

Father, I got pregnant at 17. I never married just worked and raised my son, who now at 45 is the kindest most wonderful human being on the planet. Many times people have told me what a blessing he is in their lives. I am now as devoted a grandmother as I was a mother. Do you think that was my calling? To not marry, but have the privilege and pleasure of raising this one beautiful child?

[@ctmcatholic]

Hi Pauline, it’s Katie here, I answer the comments on the Called to More channel. It sounds like your son is a blessing to you and many people, as you have been to him and others I’m sure! In this video Fr Columba talks about how God has a plan for each of us, right now, even if we’ve been ignoring him our whole lives - we can turn to him now and live out his plan for us. So even if you had ignored God in the past his plan for you today still stands!

[@joannecuomo1312]

Beautiful. Thank you Father.

[@ctmcatholic]

Thank you

[@TheFunfolks]

Maybe it is the One for Me 🙏🙏🙏 Thank you, Fr. Columba, for the Invitation... I think 🙏🙏🙏

[@ctmcatholic]

You are so welcome

[@ThePhobosAnomally]

I love this video. My favourite thus far.

[@ctmcatholic]

Wow, thank you!

[@maryreckard3114]

Thank you, thank you, thank you !!! ✨️

[@ctmcatholic]

God bless you.

[@THERESIO]

Wow it's helpful

[@ctmcatholic]

Glad to hear that

[@ak99]

I loved that!

[@ctmcatholic]

Thanks for watching!

[@ChicagoIL50]

On that note, someone once told me being single, is not a vocation. It's not a sacrament. We're all called to be married, could be a third order, religious life... But it is preparing a person to go forward with something. 😌✌🏻

[@paulduffy7572]

Thanks father !!!

[@ctmcatholic]

You’re welcome.

[@yaroslav_basarab]

That's tricky one🙂. Waiting for it!!

[@ctmcatholic]

❤️

[@motalenko]

Looks like I need to surrender. I always wanted to have my family and children, but I have big health problems since my birth and I am barren. And I was told, why you even need a husband? So, I'm 37, never been in relationships, and totally don't know what to do with myself

[@ctmcatholic]

Praying for you and your discernment, friend. ❤️

[@motalenko]

@@ctmcatholic Thank you 🙏❤️

[@marystenson2852]

Bless you dear- you are probably living your best life as it is- I’m used to think I would have to go on foreign missions / build water wells/ be a martyr etc to be true to the faith, I’ve discovered St Therese Little Way and it has changed everything! Read Story of a Soul- it’s gold

[@sheiladumigan451]

🙏 ❤️

[@ctmcatholic]

🙏🙏

[@rochellemccaffery5558]

🥰

[@ctmcatholic]

❤️

[@ricardodanielasinas4253]

Fr. Question do Single blessedness individuals take vows? If so how?

[@valerierogers9609]

I don't think marriage is for a lot of people. How many end in divorce, or on their 3, 4, 5 spouse?? It's like they're looking for someone to complete them. Nobody can completes you, because you already are.

[@ctmcatholic]

Perhaps it’s people’s understand of marriage that’s off, or at least their desire to understand what a good marriage entails. Too true, lots of people are looking for another human to complete them, when only God can do that! No wonder it ends up being disappointing!

[@valerierogers9609]

@@ctmcatholic Yes, God alone satisfies. Companions, or material means, satisfy only temporarily.

[@OMurchadha]

You still managed to make it sound like it's strange and unnatural to not want to be married. It's remarkably common, and it's not a vocation; it's just a choice. If a person doesn't want to be married, or doesn't want to have children, why would they force themselves into either? Does that sound like a good idea?

[@ctmcatholic]

Sorry to hear you think so, that’s definitely not how it was meant to come across. Father was just making the point that one should be able to see the inherent good of marriage even if not called to it. Similarly, I think it would be helpful for a married person to see the inherent good of religious life and even desire it purely hypothetically if it were to (again, hypothetically) have been the thing they were called to by God.