How To Beat Demand Avoidance - Practical Tips To Overcome It

Hi! I'm Orion Kelly and I'm Autistic. On this video I share the tops ways to beat demand avoidance. Plus, I share my personal lived experiences as an #actuallyautistic person. #orionkelly #autism #pda #autismsigns #whatautismfeelslike #asd
⏱ Index:
00:00 - Welcome
00:44 - Demand avoidance
01:26 - Tip 1
02:35 - Tip 2
03:29 - Tip 3
09:02 - Tip 4
10:46 - Tip 5
12:44 - Tip 6
🙏 Thanks so much for watching, rating, commenting, sharing and subscribing, I really appreciate it! You're helping me raise the level of understanding and acceptance of the Autistic community. You can show your support for my channel by doing any of these things:
1️⃣ SUBSCRIBE to my channel.
2️⃣ LIKE / COMMENT / SHARE my videos.
3️⃣ SEND me a Super Thanks
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
🔵 CHANNEL LINKS 🔵
More Videos: / @orionkelly
My PODCAST Channel: / @orionkellypodcasts
🔵 CONNECT 🔵
Facebook: / orionkellyinc
Twitter: / orionkelly
Instagram: / orionkelly_australia
TikTok: @orionkelly_australia
Website: orionkelly.com.au
🎧 My Friend Autism' PODCAST 🎧
Apple: podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast...
Spotify: open.spotify.com/show/6d6UVtN...
Stitcher: www.stitcher.com/podcast/orio...
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ABOUT ORION:
Orion Kelly is an #ActuallyAutistic vlogger (KZbinr), podcaster, radio host, actor, keynote speaker and Autistic advocate based in Australia. Orion is all about helping you increase your understanding, acceptance and appreciation of Autistic people.
#AutisticVoices #ActuallyAutistic #Autistic #Autism #OrionKelly #ThatAutisticGuy #ASD
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
⛔️*Disclaimer: The videos contained on this channel are for general education and entertainment purposes only and do not constitute professional advice. For professional advice and training seek assistance from a qualified provider. All views are my own and do not represent those of my employers or sponsors. Some images used are stock images.*⛔️
Related: autism, autism diagnosis, Orion Kelly, orionkelly, thatautisticguy, tiktok videos, autistic, autism in adults, autism in women, autism in men, autism spectrum condition, asd, autism spectrum disorder, aspergers, aspergers syndrome, autism in boys, autism in girls, dsm, dsm5, autistic adults, autistic kids, autism mom, autism parent, autism family, autism speaks, autism awareness, autism acceptance, autism at work, am I autistic, adult autism test, autism disclosure, autism therapy, autism prevention, autism meltdown, autistic burnout, autistic behavior, autism symptoms, autism traits, autistic signs, what autism feels like, love on the spectrum, stimming, echolalia, anxiety

[@BlockDriver]

Title is misleading. This isn’t about overcoming DA, it's about managing someone else's DA.

[@lkm3s]

I used to teach 2 year olds at a preschool. A new boy came in to the class next door and he just sat in the corner crying every day. This went on for about a week and they decided to move him down a level into my class. He started the day much the same, but I had a secret weapon. "Charlie, there are so many children here to feed, will you be my helper? You don't have to, but it would really help me!" Right away he got up and came to help. My little helper followed me for a few days as he learned the routines of the classroom. He had one happy momma when she came in to see him smiling and playing at the end of the day. Purpose is HUGE when you don't understand where you fit in.

[@MelissaThompson432]

I totally get this. I didn't cry (my sister did) but I did sit in a corner and watch everything until I had things figured out.

[@barefootarts737]

You helped that kid understand meaningful work. Some grown adults haven't figured that out yet. Thank you.

[@samhiatt]

❤ Thank you teachers for all you do.

[@haraluppnow3534]

Thanks Orion! Just an important note on all of these, an autistic person is usually pretty smart and can tell if they are being manipulated, which only generates more resistance. So as much as possible, these should be used in an authentic way.

[@winternightmarecrochet]

Exactly. If someone tells me "Hmmmmm, it seems like this pile of laundry is accumulating and idk what to do to make it smaller". I'm definitely gonna shut down, and tell them, well, do laundry then loll. I think the better way to do it is to ask rather than demand, and/or express your need for help. Like "hey I have a lot on my plate today, I would really appreciate it if you did some laundry." and it can also help to add a reward, or take something stressful out: "and that will give us the time to order some pizza and watch some tv tonight".

[@visionvixxen]

Yep…. Also, I just avoid ALL demands… its too stressful trying to do anything out of one’s own ability and especially if not given the chance to choose it.

[@colorvision7]

True! I have found that doing something together works if the person isn’t shut down.

[@amphibeingmcshpongletron5026]

Nailed it. As a child, the direct form of demands were always used with me. It was stressful and contributed a lot to my anxiety, but, there was also a sort of authenticity to it, pleasant or not. I got used to it, without ever being comfortable with it, if that makes sense. Once I got a bit older, and a bit more anxious and defiant, I would more often meet direct demands with more overt resistance or shutdown. Though I didn't have any diagnosis back then, my parents seemed to realize that their strategy wasn't working as well and they tried some more indirect things. However, they did it with such an obvious tone of inauthenticity that it sent alarms off in my head every time. It was like you could tell they wanted to say "AMPHIBEING, DO THIS NOW", but they'd instead say something more indirect. To me, it just sounded like a demand dressed up with an added layer of manipulation or deception, which was like a double whammy demand. The tone gave it away every time. It felt insulting, even though I knew they were just trying new strategies to get me to do the things that would ultimately help myself develop and function. I'd be awash in a whirlwind of empathy for them trying, along with all the typical anxiety, shame, avoidance, etc, and would shut down even harder sometimes. Especially if it was phrased in a way that made me feel like crap for not doing it. Almost as if highlighting the importance of the task only worked to make me shutdown harder from the demand and the guilt that followed. As an adult, I'm still looking for strategies to avoid demand avoidance (lol), from both demands I put on myself, and from other people. Strategies that might work well with kids don't work for me because I'm "too smart" to be "manipulated", even though many times the thing I'm avoiding is for my own good and people are genuinely trying to help me, however clumsily. The self awareness only seems to make it harder sometimes, because I tend to beat myself up more when I see through the strategies other people and I use and still end up avoiding things. I end up feeling like a 30 year old "little shit", despite my almost pathological desire to please people. It's frustrating for everyone involved.

[@randalalansmith9883]

- Don't be passive-aggressive. - Don't "sandwich" a negative thing between two compliments. - Don't pretend that a thing is optional when it's mandatory. That would definitely give me an out when I want to procrastinate. It's not my job to catch the nuance; I can only interpret your exact wording.

[@KeenanDenis]

Wow. At almost 50 years of age, I discovered today WHY I react in annoyance when I "have to" do something - even something I consider pleasant and enjoyable! For decades I've been puzzling over what my problem is and scolded myself over why I react like that. Thank you. I'm so glad I found your videos.

[@jmrumble]

Now I want to go brush my teeth 😂

[@turtleanton6539]

😊😊😊

[@MelissaThompson432]

I was at least 60. But I've been creating work-arounds for myself all this time, and I bet you have, too.

[@AnnaBananaRepublic]

Imagine how North Koreans must feel. I bet they have funny words for standing up to authoritarianism too.

[@MelissaThompson432]

@@AnnaBananaRepublic I fail to see the resemblance between tooth brushing and authoritarianism.

[@Veiled_Lepidoptera]

Speaking from personal expeirence (I'm autistic) The Jedi Mind Trick is very dangerous. So many people have taken advantage of my desire to help them and feel valued. I've spent a lot of money and time helping people who, at the end of the day, didn't give a crap about me and just wanted my expertise. They never paid me back, never showed me any appreciation.. most essentially abandoned or ghosted me after I was done doing whatever they needed doing only to show back up months or years later needing further 'help' only to do the same thing again. Please only use The Jedi Mind Trick if you actually care about the person you're trying to get it from... because the alternative causes severe and lasting damage.

[@sparehead1]

THIS. I thought this was going to be a video on dealing with your own demand avoidance rather than how to manipulate people with demand avoidance. I've also had far too many experiences of people who are not my friend pretending to be my friend for just long enough to get the favour. Honestly I still like helping these people but I can do without the patronizing pantomime.

[@arianeingham6699]

I and many others have similar experiences with people trying to manipulate us in the way you guys describe. I don’t think it’s a specifically autistic thing. I have found a huge number of videos that I found helpful. They usually have the words “narcissist”, “narcissistic”, or “narcissism” in the title.

[@NothingByHalves]

Couldn't agree more. Standard, willing, People Pleaser manipulation - or narcissist/empath. I was always taught through various spiritual practices to share, but would often share until I had nothing left to give and never received anything in return. Have just watch this play out in slow motion with my sister once again, when for the first time in a long while I decided to put my own needs first.

[@_xntrk]

I hear you, brother. I have had family members and people I loved do the same. At least now you have the knowledge and experience to recognize you are being manipulated and exploited. You are not the problem.

[@kyobear5453]

Truth, I usually tell someone well it depends. Tell me what’s up and I’ll think about it

[@petalleahy7936]

As someone with PDA, depending on how severe it is, indirect language may not work. It could come across as passive aggressive, or the avoidance could be strong enough that cooperative language wont get you past the hurdle. It could work for some so worth a try, but dont be suprised if it doesn't for others.

[@petalleahy7936]

Also when using the jedi mind trick please make sure your autistic loved one is not in burnout, as they are probably already struggling with daily tasks and even a simple favor can increase their burden significantly if they want to help but executive dysfunction is too great for them to act on it.

[@axl1002]

It's like demanding something and calling you stupid in the end.

[@mechaishida7588]

@petalleahy7936 I couldn’t agree more with your assessment, thank you. 🙏🏻

[@elisabaumgartner5799]

So what my autistic boyfriend does to combat his own demand avoidance when I have asked him to do something is often initially just tell me 'no', we have a little chuckle about it, he walks off and then later does what I needed him to do once he feels like it's of his own recognizance. Lol!

[@Mixer-he2wb]

Not ASD, but sometimes wish my wife would get that.

[@tsuruuu]

I did that a lot in the past without understanding too

[@ThePixiixiq]

This is a good video but a more apt title would be "How to beat demand avoidance in others" - it's great for dealing with a child as most of your examples also suggest, but if aimed at adults they could be perceived as a bit infantalising. May I suggest a video on how to manage it within yourself?

[@ZhovtoBlakytniy]

My daughter hates cleaning until you beg her not to clean. She knows what is going on, she gets a good laugh and a clean room. The more "agonizing" the plea not to clean, the more "brutally" she organizes her things 😂

[@krystaldickison4046]

This is adorable! You're all aware of what's going on but you've made it fun.

[@madshorn5826]

Yeah, the old reverse psychology gambit 😊 Our kids reacted the same way. Then it dawned on them we were manipulating them and we talked about reverse psychology. Then we started to use reverse, reverse psychology on them (i.e. telling them what to do outright). They found that hilarious and that worked for a while, until we had to use reverse, reverse, reverse psychology ;-) It stopped when we forgot how many layers deep we were 😁 Edit: Oh yeah, and for brushing teeth we lay them down and removed bacterial graffiti from their teeth. It was incredible how insulting bacteria could be against hapless parents ;-P And the kids found it funny enough to lay relatively still long enough to keep their teeth.

[@gothboschincarnate3931]

let her play music she likes during cleaning to reduce the anxiety of cleaning.

[@howtosober]

This seems to manifest among neurodivergents in general, at least among those with ADHD. I don't personally struggle with the level of emotional dysregulation outwardly that is described with ASD, but the level of demand avoidance and the amount of energy it takes for me to mask my aversion to demands is insane.

[@amemabastet9055]

Synchronicity, mate. Yesterday I had an epiphany. For a while I haven't written any To Do Lists, as I tend to rebel against doing anything, even though I wrote it myself. Instead I have been writing Have Done Lists, which makes me feel good as I can see what I have actually done, not all the things that I haven't already. But thinking deep on how to handle the Must Dos without making To Dos, I started to write questions to myself. "Would I be inclined to write another chapter in my book sometime today?", "What is blocking me from contacting mr. X?" I'd say I got three of the tips for the price of one there. I'm using a combo of round-about language, giving myself a choice and it's a notice before-hand. The questions also lowers the expectation and pressure, helping me understand why I want to avoid something.

[@visionvixxen]

Wow! I hope we all try this and gain some freedom in these areas

[@autumnwitchmaple]

"What's keeping me from X" is incredible. What an unfathomable depth of insight there is in just that sentence. So much self-respect, and positioned to identify the problem and pivot into problem solving. Thank you so much. That little bit of the comment you made has inspired me to no end.

[@amemabastet9055]

@@autumnwitchmaple Happy to be of service. :) With methods like EFT there is even a way to instantly handle the emotional intensity that comes up. Life can be better.

[@mirandelf]

I also recognise the to do list phobia. As soon as it’s on a list even if I wrote that list myself it becomes an imperative which immediately creates resistance. I use all sorts of tricks with myself like “if I were to write this essay, how would it start”. Once I’m started on a task it’s easy, it’s just that first step that’s hard. Also just turning “I should” into “I could” is very effective.

[@Gabby-rt9st]

Invaluable advice. My 16 year old needs to finish her exam papers. She’s got the talent and knowledge she needs, but resists me to no end if I ask her directly to finally finish what she started. I never understood why she’s doing this. The more I listen to Orion the more I realise she’s likely has a lot of autistic traits. Any other advice is greatly appreciated!

[@chrish3175]

When using indirect language with adults be careful, cause it can come off as passive aggressive criticism. "How could this laundry get done?" That's gonna trigger some people as an underhanded jab at how much laundry has built up.

[@mechaishida7588]

Indeed, this was my immediate thought, as an autistic adult myself, and having supported Autistic adults with complex needs (before I realised I was autistic). It can be a tremendous trigger, regardless of situation, circumstances and context. I’ve experienced it myself, in a workplace setting, and even at home. Not good at all.

[@gothboschincarnate3931]

nope..

[@gothboschincarnate3931]

indirect...is the best option.

[@nancyok]

@@gothboschincarnate3931 if might be the best option for some but it can absolutely be the worst option for many.

[@marendameron]

I sure wish I knew more tricks to push through demands I make of myself. Sometimes I REALLY want to complete something, but I think now I'm avoiding it because I'm demanding it of myself. Such fantastic content! Thank you!

[@heidilady]

Same! Maybe this could be the next video? I can get around my autistic daughter most times, but I am having a hard time tricking myself. The worst is bills. They really trigger my demand avoidance/ anxiety.

[@Mantras-and-Mystics]

​@@heidilady I put the bills on autopay. The relief from not having to deal with the "not wanting to get around to it" is worth it.

[@WildwoodVagabond]

Same here! I feel like I’m fighting against myself everyday to do things I actually want to do. Would love to learn some tricks to help with the war that wages inside pretty much everyday.

[@SamLovesMovies25]

I definitely struggle with demand avoidance, and it drives my Mom crazy, she gets so mad at me when I don't want to do something and she wants me to do it *now*... :( What actually really helps for me personally is this: take for example, folding the laundry. Instead of saying "Can you put the laundry away" and demanding that I do it NOW (when I usually don't want to do it NOW because I am in the middle of something or whatnot), when she instead says, "Can you please get the laundry folded and put away *before Dad gets home*" THAT works SOOO much better. It gives me a GOAL/deadline of sorts, BUT it also gives me the FLEXIBILITY to do it at a time when I can get the motivation to do it, and I will end up making sure to get it done by the time when it actually NEEDS to get done (but in the way that works best for me).

[@ik7357]

this this this this omg. the demand that i interrupt whatever mental process i am in at the moment to do your bidding makes me see red. expressly giving me the time to mentally/emotionally process a request AND the flexibility to choose when to do it within a reasonable time window makes things much less mentally/emotionally taxing for me and i’m much, much more likely to complete the task.

[@MelissaThompson432]

Very much this.

[@affsteak3530]

​​@@ik7357I've always felt like a sim or videogame character. Suddenly somebody is click-click-clicking on me imposing their will when I was already struggling with a different task.

[@Sirensshore]

Would love it if the stress the parent/caregiver experiences while working with a person who has PDA, is acknowledged. I'm exhausted! My 18-yr.-old daughter has POTS so there are doctors appts., physical activity and counseling that are necessary for her health to improve. Learned early on that offering choices can bring results but sometimes too much choice seems to be misinterpreted as 'ok, I can just do what I feel'. With chronically ill young adults, the caregiver needs a support network which can often not be attainable.

[@chrismaxwell1624]

My biggest problem with demand avoidance, it's demands I put on myself. If tell myself I need to work out tonight. That won't happen. I have to be careful with my own thoughts or demand avoidance hits me.

[@PLPCPLAPD]

I wish my dad would have gotten the proper info on autism, and that they also diagnosed my ADHD as a child... Would have spared both of us so much frustration when I just kept playing video games while he kept on nagging me to do my chores and getting upset, which only made it worse... The tragic part is he really, really tried his best to be a good father, but it just didn't work out great because he tried to raise me as a neurotypical...

[@d-meth]

Sadly there are people who think ADHD is fake even when a child has a diagnosis

[@turtleanton6539]

Yes thid is it

[@JustJC5]

Omg, I felt this so hard. Accurately describes my experience with my dad

[@paulafoster2607]

My son is on the severe end of the spectrum. He's non-verbal and has PDA. He can be his own worst enemy. Anything at all I can learn to do to help him I will. I wish someone had known about this years ago. He has struggled for so long.

[@natalies3032]

The indirect language thing doesnt work for me because I am very literal and i never get the hint

[@artsylady3187]

yup same with me i am very literal i hate indirect

[@scaster78]

That's really interesting. Your last vid on demand avoidance made me realise that I'm really demand avoidant and probably meet the PDA profile. I'm wondering how to tackle it as a person who lives alone. I avoid my own demands and have always aggressively pushed myself through the feelings in order not to get in trouble (childhood trauma conforming was easier than taking the punishments in my case). Maybe I'll buy a star trek top and role play Ensign Ro Lauren in order to get things done!

[@ryn2844]

I avoided watching this video for over a month, because I felt like I had to watch it. I wish I was joking.

[@bubbiccino]

Welp, that explains why I have so many videos left on Watch Later that may never be consumed…I feel obligated to and therefore, I can’t 😓

[@ashleynance7038]

I came here for tips because I just realized PDA is real for me. I literally paused the video when you said "Watch till the end to find out!" and skipped to the comments to find out what it was and whether it resonated. :-p

[@RainbowPyramid]

Yep, we did this at bed time with our kids. Instead of saying that you must go to bed now. We would give them choice about which PJs to wear

[@alexanderthegreat2826]

Now I just need a way to stop my own demand avoidance when I have to go to work lol

[@UrbanomicInteriors]

I like the term “would you be willing to…”

[@LKH321]

Excellent tips for dealing with others' PDA, but how do I deal with my own?

[@veganjones8985]

This affected me greatly at school. I couldn't do homework at all after being told it contributed to my final score. I also dropped out of school over a word count demand and I was a straight A student when left alone. It continues to be a problem now, recently I had to close my life long bank account due to being threatened to be present documents by a certain date. Which I still consider an inappropriate way to treat (Thanks Westpac..). Or when to police stop you for a random breath test, I really really struggle to stop as it's a forced demand. I'm not diagnosed but all my children are. I did realise I was deep on the spectrum on my own after my wife suggested it to me in my late 30s just before we had kids. Previous to that I thought I was... " Somewhat Crazy" that was the term I used to describe myself to other people. I knew I wasn't normal. Another problem I have is that I wanted to vaccinate my children to my own schedule but after being threatened and having monetary hardships placed on me by the government.. It's never going to happen. I'm amazed this still goes on and consider it abuse to neurodivergent disabled people. This needs thinking about more than it has been.

[@cherylbowen4229]

I’ve done this all along getting my Autistic son to do things without creating drama or anger. He lingers too long doing things, like obsessing or over-doing, so I have to say things like letting him know the next step is already happening like Dad is making your breakfast now or what are you going to wear today? Or tomorrow we are going to see the doctor and after that we will make something special to eat, what would you like to eat? What time is it? Is it time for bed? We all better get ready for bed. A predictable routine helps too.

[@tezzybelle7658]

So true! My autistic sister refused to do anything unless “possum” (her possum hand puppet we operated!) gave her the instruction, in the funny little voice we used! It worked when she was upset or angry too - she would only tell “possum” and gladly give possy hugs and loves 😊 it was a way to connect with her in a way that felt comfortable for her X 😊

[@laurenelsender371]

I'm a single parent of 3 kids , 2 out of 3 are autistic and my brother and now i have been referred yet only one, the youngest kid, he really struggles with demand avoidance. When using some of these with my young son, (i am still learning )i can see it work. I feel personally it depends on how tired , busy or stressed I am with how well I execute these strategies. So I guess what I'm saying is you can definitely overcome some major issues with these strategies it just depends on where I'm at in myself as mummy to how effective they are. Thank you again for a great video with lots of tips to help. I'd love to see more on demand avoidance please if you can 💖

[@ConservativeHippie001]

Yeah as a single mom with multiple children, it’s absolutely exhausting to have to constantly jump through hoops for kids. What happened to kids listening to their parents?!

[@SharmClucas]

One of the ways that seem to work well when I'm needing to get my brother to do something is to give him another option that he hates more. "If you don't want to take the trash out tonight that's fine, but you'll need to wake up early tomorrow to take it out before the garbage truck comes." I do need to be careful to only specify things he actually hates that are a natural consequence of his actions. If I just make up consequences he'll get angry at me and not the task. Phrasing things this way has the added benefit of not giving him the choice of opting out of the task entirely.

[@burningapeable]

These sound like great tips, but when I hear someone use indirect language or explain to me why something is helpful I hear it as a demand even through the absence of one, I guess I see through what I perceive as a veiled demand? "That was a weird thing to say in this context, maybe they're trying to get me to do something!" and then avoid it. With other people or myself! It's so god damn frustrating. Even if I say to myself that I can try and drink more water but no worries if I don't, I know I'm thinking of it as a method of trying to drink more water and then it's still a demand from myself anyway. It's like I can see through all the layers of obfuscation.

[@pooja94ekbote]

I wonder if it would help if you believed they had a genuine need for you to do something, like ultimately it was that they were actually in need of your help, and that's why they (or you yourself!) are asking. Not out of a need to control you, but because your actions will be important, helpful, and appreciated by them (or you :) ).

[@visionvixxen]

Lol. I do this w belief in the Bible and what others say etc etc…. But wondering why I’m the only one who wants more truth about the truth… and maybe this is demand avoidance of a sort

[@jassianterri]

This is great advice for everyone, especially kids. Reminds me of the book “How to speak so kids will listen.” 🙂

[@starshiptexas]

glad you made this, that last video about demand avoidance seemed like "just leave autistic people alone about everything because they are autistic" but like.... it's pretty important to figure out how to function in the world.

[@amphibeingmcshpongletron5026]

Yep. While I appreciate the recognition of it and explanation that it's not something we do on purpose, I'm an adult who needs to function as one. I can "accept myself" all I want, give myself a pat on the back and say "there there, it's okay, you're autistic", but that won't keep relationships intact, get the chores done, food on the table, or money in the bank. I'd like to see more strategies for beating demand avoidance for autistic adults avoiding demands we place on ourselves. Rewording or rephrasing things is all too easily distilled into "DO THIS", at its core, in my mind.

[@lorilimper5429]

I struggled to listen through this because it seemed to be from the POV of of someone else trying to understand a person with PDA and how to get them to cooperate and do things. This immediately set off my aversion to "being controlled" and I really couldnt absorb how to make this work for self-motivation

[@maelleamand]

this is sooo useful for teachers who have students on the spectrum ! Thank you !!

[@JessicaDarling2]

Is this why the “10 second tidy” from The Big Comfy Couch motivated my brother when he was little to help me clean up? ❤🥰

[@stacig5997]

For me, I use motivational videos, or music that is really inspiring and then use that energy to get the task done when I get pumped up. Sometimes I trick my brain by telling myself that I could do my favorite thing after I get one thing done. I have been doing this all my life and am late diagnosed but I wanted to share because I have had to create these little tricks to overcome my demand avoidance.

[@tamaragriesel4783]

Shoot, this is the way I talk to everyone in my life all the time, and have since I was a teenager. And I've gotten in trouble with it with my mother in law, who feels that ordering my children to do things can and should produce prompt obedience (even when doing the thing as required generally just leads to criticism of how they did the thing.) I feel validated.

[@supersonictumbleweed]

What's great is that it doesn't have to be 100% from people around the artistic person, but even some, helps a lot

[@HirikiW]

Apart from PDA, I found that in some cases it does work to tell me why I should do something or telling me the consequences of not doing something. It gives me some sense of control knowing what the consequences could be of choosing to do or not do that thing.

[@DeadDancers]

I’ve long wanted to do a job where I helped people but it 100% did not come from any sense of being lesser. I was lucky to grow up both oblivious and somewhat egotistical. Helping people just feels good.

[@heatherkangaloo9625]

Brilliance 😊

[@donloughrey1615]

Thanks Orion. Your tips are gold. Asking them for help works great, instead of just telling them what has to be done. That also works well on our non autistic son. Choices are also a great strategy, even if they are not fully committed to their choice they seldom if ever back peddle and live with the choices. Also giving choices seems to be calming and lessens anxiety

[@nichtnett2958]

I thought that was a self-help video, now I got to send this to my man 😭

[@nilp0inter2]

A method that works for me and my wife is just to write a note and leave it in a visible place for me to find it. I don't get triggered this way. Indirect speech though triggers me every time.

[@conversationswithkat5710]

Thank you SO much for making this video!!!!! It’s literally a life saver for my daughter. Her room was so messy, that she couldn’t have gotten out if there was a fire, and she hated anyone else cleaning her room. This is so helpful and important!!!! Thanks again!!!

[@emilyrobbins6315]

I’m a bit conflicted about some of these to be honest. If anyone - autistic people or their partners- has advice for me I would welcome it. I’m working on codependency, and specifically the codependent behaviors I’ve been having with my autistic partner. I think there’s a tendency whenever you don’t feel like you can communicate with someone directly to switch to crafty manipulation to get things done. But as I know from learning about codependency, it can often create unequal relationships and the person doing the manipulation can often end up feeling resentful. Both the “indirect language” and “asking for help” tricks feel like they could verge on manipulation. I’d really like to be able to communicate my desires and needs to my partner without him interpreting those as demands and stressing him out. And ideally I’d like to be able to share responsibilities in a way that doesn’t make him feel pressured but also doesn’t require me to micromanage or manipulate him, because I feel that leads to a dynamic that isn’t helpful - I can never feel free to just focus on my responsibilities, because getting him to do his responsibilities also ends up being my responsibility. I’m wondering if any autistic people would be willing to share with me how they tend to respond to “I” statement formulations like “when you don’t do the chore you’ve committed to I get stressed and feel resentful.” Will you feel comfortable letting your partner have their feelings, or will you interpret that statement as a demand or put-down? Also, have you found any ways of taking on responsibilities for tasks in partnership/group settings that feels more self-directed and empowering as opposed to living up to others’ expectations? Any help would be appreciated, navigating these issues can be very difficult. ❤

[@lost2whisperz]

What if you tried instead of saying "when you don't do what chores you promised I get stressed," Try saying "when I come home to put my books on the table and there is no room because the dishes are still sitting there, I get stressed and overwhelmed because I had expected to have room for my things." Be specific to what chore is affecting you and how. This would make more sense, they'd form more of an emotional connection on your behalf, and it would be less of a jab at the person directly. They aren't not doing the chores because they don't want to. If they know you are upset when things aren't done, that surely will be guilting them. There is an unseen hinderance, and it could simply be that your approach is seen as an attack.

[@emilyrobbins6315]

@@lost2whisperz Thanks, that's a helpful way to look at things.

[@lost2whisperz]

@@emilyrobbins6315 you're welcome!

[@dellikins3606]

Popping in here to say thank you for sharing your experience. My partner and I navigate similar communication challenges, and many of Orion's suggestions won't quite work for her (she is extremely emotionally adept ) and would fall in the category of what we call "little 'm' manipulations." Similar to the idea of "Big T"/"little t" traumas, "little m manipulations" are those moments where there is more subtext fueling the case/context of the ask or demand that isn't being outright named. I came to this video looking for tips on managing her demand avoidance while also making room for my needs and desires to be named as well. A lesson I (continue to) learn about this is: context is key. If i share a need that feels out of left field to her, or that she can read as counter to other information I've given her (ie. "This is an issue" a day after telling her "I'm so happy in our relationship"), her anxiety is going to skyrocket. I've also learned to be more careful in the language that I used which she can hear as falling into extreme/binary categories. Eg: "I'm so satisfied with our relationship" and then "here is an unmet need of mine" can be really confusing for her, because she doesn't know which to believe. Meanwhile in my mind, both can be true and neither inherently needs to evoke a threat response, but that's not how her anxiety/hyper-vigilance/demand avoidance hears it. I like what @lost2whisperz shared about direct, specific impacts of unmet needs. I copied down the phrasing they suggested and will keep it in mind during our next discussion!

[@jollyjapesinnorfolkandsuff2625]

@lost2whisperz This is a very helpful post

[@celadewallace474]

I've struggled with demand avoidance my entire life. I've struggled to the degree that I'm fairly certain I have PDA -- but in the US PDA is a totally new concept in clinical psychology so getting a diagnosis is near impossible. Recently I've reached out to PDA North America to see if they can help. Your tricks are the same kinds of things I've tried to use for years -- and by use, I mean on myself. It has been difficult to convince others (at work for example) to use them. My close friends and family are really good at trying though.

[@carmenwaterwise]

Awesome help! Thank you so much!!!

[@user-tj4ub4nq4r]

It's exhausting having this, and working with people who have it. Thank you for doing these videos.

[@pattyofurniture]

If you make a request, I get to feel good about granting it or feel bad about denying it. If you ask me why I didn't do something, my only option is to feel bad for disappointing you. If you suggest that I do something, I'm going to initially feel attacked. Being able to explain this to my husband makes life better for both of us. We're choosing our own adventure so we might as well make it as pleasant as possible.

[@hannahcamac3331]

Thanks for this. My daughter has her own jedi mind trick she uses on herself- when directed to do something she'll respond with 'I do what I want!' And we understand that she will help out with whatever in her own time and leave it at that

[@rymaru2138]

I used to say no. Then proceed to do it anyway.

[@chrisellis4400]

I love it when people ask me to do things for them at work. I can spend all day explaining how to organise things, where things belong, why organising things is important. I live in my car which is filled with rubbish.

[@BaskingInObscurity]

I definitely agree with indirect language. However when specific end results would be demanded, clarity about the end goals is necessary. I've lost employment and housing situations more than once for either reading too much into casual rattling by my employer or not understanding the housemate was expecting a very specific result or imposing a very strict rule open to no interpretation (as in, they believed their demand obvious and implicit from what they said, albeit roundabout).

[@TheHouseElf]

This is really getting the wheels turning for me. I think I have some of these PDA traits, just looking back on my childhood and reflecting on even how I behave at work, my history in school, etc. I have found that sometimes reframing things as a choice, choosing to live life, is helpful. But I'm not out of the woods. I still avoid my own demands. I'm in a career where there are hard absolute demands, and I want to stay in this path. I assumed the way I did things was just out of respect for my autonomy and everyone else's. Who wouldn't want to feel empowered and respected? Why wouldn't you phrase things like an ask? However when I use my preferred coping mechanisms with other people I think they read me as being couchy or indirect (which is odd, because I'm otherwise a kind of a brazen and direct person otherwise.) I never gave thought to the normalcy of people being naturally good with compliance and not having a problem with it. If told to do something, the urge to resist is so strong, and I have to resist my own resistance when I know that it is the best or right thing to do. There are definitely strengths to having this wiring, but it still causes some suffering.

[@BobIawblaugh]

😢 Tears dripping off my chin. Thank you so so much ❤️🙏🏻❤️

[@MrsAnnThropy]

i started this video in literal tears because i was trying to get over some current demand avoidance issues. i am now laughing at the jedi mind trick because i can confirm that i would be VERY likely to agree to someone asking for help over being told to complete a task. thank you for that it’s going to change my life

[@turtleanton6539]

Vety great video 😊😊😊

[@Thaden0]

Remember, kids are smart. Early on the beat the clock trick may not work if their defenses always go up with the mention of work. At that point one of the other methods should still work and may feel more honest to them.

[@fractalizedspiritz]

tip 3! I call that example as positive consequence reinforcement language too 😂 mouthful but it works

[@OriginalCosmicBabe]

I love writing lists - “to do” lists, grocery lists, steps-in-a-project lists, etc. But I noticed that I hate finishing the whole list, and it always messed things up for getting things done. So now when I write a list, I add in one or two things that would be nice to have done but aren’t actually necessary. So if my chores list has “change the bedsheets” and “do dishes” and “mop floors” and I really, REALLY want/need to get these all done, I’ll add something like “dust the ceiling fan” (which might need doing but it can wait a few days or weeks). That way, I get my mandatory chores done but I don’t have to finish the list. And if I leave the unfinished list sitting out on the counter where it can be seen, sometimes my husband or our housemate will notice and just do that one little chore “to be helpful”. Bonus!

[@fifinoir]

I suggested with my therapist I’d use a technique I saw for PDA where you pretend you’re someone else doing the thing. We picked a character and a job so I could complete the work I needed to do. The therapist went full in with it but I felt so silly and uncomfortable despite it being me who suggested it. But it’s working even if it’s not me who’s fully invested in the role play.

[@MelissaThompson432]

The things Orion suggests are the way I was naturally parented and the way my siblings and I learned to parent. There's probably quite a bit of PDA in my family. Sometimes you can let the 3 year old put a half cup of mustard on her burger because "I LIKE mustard!" and then you can say, "would you like to try a different one with a little less mustard?" when she tastes it and realizes she doesn't like it THAT much.... A quarter pound of ground beef is a small price to pay for self-agency.

[@TeoBjoerk]

As parent to an autistic kid having strong demand avoidance, this collection of tips and tricks is really the best I’ve ever seen! Thank you Orion, you have extracted working strategies from your own experience that resonate exactly with mine and strengthen my beliefs in what will work or not. Of course the methods must be used with 100% respect for what is best for the autistic person and the knowledge that demand avoidance sometimes is a sign of that the person really need to remain in the inert state to regulate, but used in a empathetic way it will be invaluable tools too to help the autistic person grow and break inertia at times when it is desired. Thanks!

[@DelticEngine]

Thanks for the video. What you describe is a different way of looking at or presenting a problem, offering a different perspective. There is nothing wrong with different perspectives in themselves and they can be very helpful in problem solving. The problem is when these techniques are twisted and used as a means of manipulation or coercion.

[@Gymcoach1]

I always tell you how absolutely incredible you are and inspiring to me, helping me to “get “ my own autistic self but also how to help my autistic son. I wish I could rewind time and parent him from the start knowing these tips and tools. Heck, I may could have saved my marriage or even been the parent my children not only needed but deserved. However, what I can do now is take your advice, use my own struggles in being a late diagnosed autistic mom and try to help others. Other parents or friends or spouses understand the why’s of how us ND people are the way they/ we are and hopefully get more understanding from the neurotypical world. Thanks for this, thanks for everything you do, say and give to us! ❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@Jas-zzz]

Wow this us so so interesting. Something that is good to remember this helps take away the anxiety of being able to fulfill a task the autistic person is not purposely trying to be difficult , our brain works differently☺

[@aut-couture]

superb advice... i'm totally into solving problems but hate being told what to do especially if it is not my agenda

[@Evilfairy04]

You've helped me so much. You put my stress and anxiety into words and helped me understand my troubles that much more. You're providing all of us with helpful advice that doesn't frame it as a deficit. I'm not even diagnosed yet (besides adhd) but you've made my learning journey such a positive, as opposed to the huge negative I was expecting. Thank you ^.^

[@karmicscope5259]

“It’s taken me a month to get over the demand of the comments “. 🤣

[@4Beats4Me]

Thank you, Orion! As a teacher and now a one on one helper at school, I can only say, yes! It's all just a part of being nice to people. Everybody. This needs to get wildly fashionable in our lives again.! So rewarding, showing more to people than they expect.. God bless, my friend. Keep up the good work !

[@MelissaThompson432]

Harry Thompson says "will you grab the trash on your way out?" either works for him or doesn't work, depending on what else is going on at the same time. I think the difference there is about what else one is concentrating on at the time. My version of that is having somebody saying, as I go out the door, "could you pick up (something that involves an extra stop I hadn't planned to make)?" I have been known to say, "nope, you can't get there from here." Even if it's across the parking lot from somewhere I was going, anyway. (Although I am just as likely as not to pick it up while I'm out, anyway.)

[@Martiniiiiiiiiii]

I feel exposed with that Jedi mind trick 😂

[@jeaninec.8289]

As a parent of a young autistic adult I understand the principles of successfully guiding my son. However, how do I prepare him to live independently in a world where not everyone is so informed, supportive?supportive?

[@vocalsunleashed]

I thought this was going to help me get over my demand avoidance issues but instead it's tips for other people on how to not trigger it 😂 Laughing emoji because I find it funny to imagine people who are annoyed by someone with demand avoidance to be like "this is how you don't do it!" and instead they find a video telling them how to help 😂

[@KatzeDerNacht22]

I wanted to watch the video, but then I felt you'd tell me I had to do what I didn't want to do, so I didn't, but thanks for the content. This freaking PDA, I've come to accept it mostly.

[@eleanorwillow9671]

A lot of the tips here are just good parenting in general. They really do help.

[@robertsmith-williams5255]

Thanks Orion. Also as ND strategy with my kids/SO is to frame even more abstractly: as a shared goal. It's really hard to get started and to let go of control myself but to say: "hey team (kids/SO) we don't want to live in a rubbish/messy house, what do we need to do?", or "we want you to grow up to be a strong independent, highly functional adult, to do that it's my job to teach you the tools of self-maintenance and resilience, that means eventually you need to take control of ... " (ensuring every face of every tooth is clean, putting away crap, putting on clothes, eating/drinking, etc, etc), obv not today, parents are here to _help_ today but as you get bigger, mate, it has to be up to you and we know you're smart and strong and will get there. It's a hard back and forth but also like magic. The caveat is it nearly *never* works first time. Like demand avoidance, the first few times you have the conv kid kicks up, mini-meltsdown. But then after the moment has passed you watch the cogs turn. Kids are incredibly smart and self-interested. They want to be awesome. They want to learn the tools. They ponder and synthesis the instructions and strategies -- we do this ourselves. You can get to the place you want to be by knowing where the place you're going together is. For whatever reason this has been a huge leap for me as ASD, and also 2-steps-forwards-1-step-back and still working on it but game-changing for my house. Was waiting for you to get to this further to your points here and so had to comment, hopefully there's another vid somewhere where's I've missed this extension to the stratos you talk about here. Cheers mate

[@spankeyfish]

I've always wanted to know the 'why', I always liked there to be a reason for doing something.

[@BoReads]

When someone tells me something like wow this is really piling up, it sounds like they're being passive aggressive and trying to manipulate me, so it just pisses me off. Sometimes the best hack really is to ask nicely because they acknowledge that it's work and they appreciate me for helping them. *gasp* Is that hard??? 😐

[@Stacey1981]

You're the best. Thank you 😊

[@salinasdoubledutch]

Awesome ❤

[@alpachinko9154]

Re: indirect language - I can see this working for some/children, but for people like me who've been traumatised by people using indirect language to just inflict psychic damage upon us....not so much. Trouble is, if you're already DA, and you know you have a multitude of things you need to or even want to do, the last thing you really need is someone talking in riddles. Or at least, that's how it can come across. The person is probably already highly stressed about things that they're struggling with, and it's actually quite embarrassing when someone mentions it in a roundabout way. Obviously, the person believes (and in most cases does genuinely have) they have good intentions, and are just trying to be helpful. Personally, I'd rather they sat with me and asked if I needed help with specific things/encouraged me to ask for help. As well as them explaining that they also need help. An example of the misappropriation of indirect language; "I have to go and pay my rent later"........ An hour later...... "I told you I had to pay the rent today, so why aren't you going to do it for me" In this example, clearly the person making the demand phrased it as something they were planning on doing themselves. The other person would not have considered themself to be a part of the others plans, so will be completely unprepared for the ambush/confrontational situation that apparently all hinges upon them doing something they had no idea they were expected to do/participate in. Repeat that process for several decades, whilst also being the DA person's primary caregiver, and you can see how indirect language might not be all too useful for them. *Edited sections were the typos, just for full transparency

[@roseinskyrim]

Your third tip story about drinking water made me think about how somehow a doctor-to-be I met and befriended on discord a few years back somehow got me to drinking more water every day... and I had a drink of water just now cause there's a bottle on my desk. I really don't remember how it worked, but it stuck; and now I do actually keep my pills and my vitamin gummies in my room so even more reason to have water up, 'here' where I'm more likely to drink it. Literally, a few years ago my water consumption like... well if chances were/water consumption was like -10, it's now 85% that I'll drink some water. I can't do that with a lot of things; but I've found that works for me(being more likely to xyz), if I have something in a couple places, or have things right where I am usually, and/or 'in sight'. The only way 'habits' form or any of that works for me 99% of the time is up in the air and unintentional, but /more likely/ to form or do the thing(s) if I follow one of those. I'm more likely to brush my teeth because I have a toothbrush in upstairs and downstairs bathroom so it doesn't matter which one I'm in, more likely to drink water because I keep a bottle by my computer which is where I am most of the day, and more likely to have the bottle because I have my pills and vitamins here, and I have /those/ here because I'm here most often and more likely to remember to take them... etc. I'd do that for literally friggin everything if I could. Just keep it all in sight and where I am most likely or most often to be. That's not saying it works even half the time, but even like 30% is better than nothing. I'd also do it a lot more if fam understood but for instance, mum has her own way of organizing the house so sometimes things can't be in sight or whatever. I just remembered I have like two boxes of now-probably-expired chamomile tea that I'd originally gotten to try help a bit with anxiety but... they're up in the cupboard and it's been at least a year since I last remembered they were there. That+not able to really intentionally form habits=whoops. Goes with most of the things in my life lol. Got off-topic for this vid I think, sorry.

[@missnellie33]

Lack of object permanence - out of sight, out of mind. I have ADHD and this is a huge issue for me, so I have to create mini-routines (immediately take my meds as soon as I get up every day, lay out everything I need before I take a shower) and put things in my direct line of sight so I remember them. I also keep things I don’t need and buy the same stuff over and over because I put them somewhere random and I forgot I have them. The struggle is real! A coworker took pity on me (or just got sick of seeing everything constantly scattered all over my desk) and got me drawer dividers and organized my whole desk for me as a birthday present. I’ve stuck to putting everything back where it belongs because even though I can’t see it, at least I know exactly where it is and where it goes. Now if I could only replicate that at home …

[@roseinskyrim]

@@missnellie33 Sometimes I think for most things yeah, that object permanence thing; and that I literally just seem to have limited brain capacity of remembering things, there are /so many things/ to remember idk how anyone does it honestly. It all adds up... no matter how 'small' it is, I'll forget /something/ and it'll be replaced with another thing maybe. So if I keep having to add on things to remember to do... and then I just... don't. I have PACC which has a lot of overlap with like... a ton of stuff; but I've more recent couple years begun to wonder if I also have inattentive adhd(and when I mentioned this to a few people, they also said they thought perhaps?). It's def also more difficult cause energy levels, and things evne if the thing /is/ right in front of me; and because trying to have an actual routine is also kind of impossible for me. Which is so friggin odd cause consistency and same like, routine for a /job/ or something is one of the things I'd really need, yet if/when it comes to doing that in my not-work life, it's just an absolute disaster lol. >..< brains can be so frustrating.

[@amphibeingmcshpongletron5026]

@@missnellie33 Exact same issues here. "Out of sight, out of mind", isn't just some quaint phrase when it comes to ADHD. For me, it's more like a law of nature. It goes for objects, food, people, obligations, etc. I've lost so many friends because I seem to be practically incapable of keeping in touch with them if I don't run into them regularly. I've also bought SO MANY THINGS more than I needed to because I either lost them, forgot about them, or they spoiled before I could use them. Also, that birthday present you got is amazing! It's a gift that keeps on giving. I'd be thrilled if someone did that for me, as "getting organized" is a lot harder than "keeping organized"...at least in the short term lol. Most strategies for organization tend to fall apart for me eventually.

[@roseinskyrim]

@@amphibeingmcshpongletron5026 Exactly! Except for the food for me, I eat stuff right away whereas it feels like the rest of my family just lets it sit there. I get antsy waiting for them to have their share/seeing if they have their share cause I just want to eat it all and it feels like it’s going to waste. >..< well. Except for the tea of course lol.

[@BrentStewart]

My son think's he's Watto. He's been on to the Jedi Mind Trick for years. He just throws the "I need help" right back at me.

[@emilyb5557]

Any thoughts on phrases like "would you mind doing xy" I think NT use this as a polite soft way of saying please do this. But ND are like well yeah I would mind doing the hoovering. On the happiness project podcast they talked about a post it note strategy that apparently Jill Biden uses for big family events. She puts up a post it for every task/meal etc that needs making or doing. Then each person helping just chooses their preferred task - then they take the post it note off wall & do it. I'm thinking this could be really helpful for ASD child or partner too for household tasks maybe?

[@Marshadow69]

Indirect language, and Jedi knight stuff is really a form of mental Aikido

[@allisonrosinski1264]

YES! Thanks for this video! I know this is different with kids with ASD than the "neurotypical" child, but being a mom AND working with kids on the spectrum has taught me that all of these things are the BEST advice. Toddlers/preschoolers also feel out of control and struggle to "obey" commands. These tricks don't help overnight and not all of the time, especially if someone is emotionally escalated, but this guy is spot on from all of my experience! Give choices, give control, invite them to help! It's also been really helpful to talk to my son's teachers about some of this. It has helped him go from being on the brink of getting kicked out of school every day to 0 notes home in months (I should not jinx myself but....).

[@veronicanovak8646]

I love this video! Thank you for so many amazing and helpful options. One thing I would add to this info is that it’s important to remember different methods work for different people: For instance, I’d my husband pointed out there are piles of laundry around the house, I’d interpret that as being very passive aggressive and get defensive. If he said “maybe WE could investigate that”, I would assume he wants us to do the task together and wait from a prompt from him that he’s ready to do said task (this has happened many times, leaving him feeling that I’m refusing to do the task he felt he asked me to do). My logical brain needs direct language but it needs to be presented in a way that won’t trigger my defenses and my ADHD needs to be able to reference requests in writing. If my husband writes the tasks down for me and says something like “here are some tasks I’ve written down to help you organize your time. Could you please incorporate these into your schedule for the day/week/etc?” This is much more helpful to me than indirect requests or commands. With my kids: If I talk about “racing” or “beating the clock” with my 5 year old daughter, this triggers immense anxiety in her. But if I use this method for my 3 year old son, he LOVES it. My daughter needs a more gentle touch. She also loves Bluey, so when we make tidying into a game using silly walks, suddenly she is eager to do it. My point is, if you try one of these tips and it doesn’t work, that doesn’t mean you should stop trying. It just means different methods work best for different people since autistic people are as varied and complex as neurotypical people.

[@NightOwlGames]

i was told about when i was very young a psychiatrist gave me some building blocks to build up she showed me how she wanted them build then knocked it all over and asked me to do it, i just looked at the blocks didnt touch them so doctor left me alone in the room for 2 minutes, guess what? i built the blocks up just like she wanted, i dont remember any of this i was 3 im now 34 seems like i dont do anything if someone is watching they got to leave me alone, ive always worked best alone without any pressure from others.

[@curiouskitteh8215]

These are really good!! I think I could short circuit my own demand avoidance at work but looking at an item on my to do list and asking a question to myself “do you think I should email so and so with the (whatever it is) to keep this project going?” Genius tips that will work for my daughter too!!!! Ty!

[@Scorched_Earth]

Orion, you are a gift. This whole video was extremely validating for me (autistic mum of five autistic children) - most of these examples I have arrived at holistically in helping my kids. I wish I could have seen this 20 years ago, instead of relying on trial and error.

[@nadiahattingh]

I work with people with demand avoidance and I a adult child currently in burnout. Thanks for the tips. They are really helpful.

[@adelarsen9776]

This is helping me on Xmas day. Good health to you. Thank you.

[@VincentsVideos]

can you make a video on how people without PDA should talk to someone with PDA, for example parents?

[@gothboschincarnate3931]

Karra says when i go back home...I'll need to reinvent myself. I am doing it inside my head right now.

[@SeaOracle]

Thanks 🧚🏻‍♀️

[@alpheusmadsen8485]

On the one hand, this advice will help me quite a bit when I'm trying to convince my daughters (and maybe even my likely-neurotypical son and daughter) to do things. On the other hand, I kindof watched this video for myself -- and I would appreciate a few tips for dealing with those times when I'm the one in the grips of PDA! (To be fair, though, I'm not even sure I have PDA issues -- I only figured out I'm autistic a couple of months ago -- but I'm also figuring that I may just be good at hiding it from myself, and if I can learn techniques that work, does it really matter if I have it or not? And if they don't work for me, I could always move on to other things ....)

[@elikelly4948]

Loved the video....I was diagnosed with autism in my early 30s. I really struggle with demand avoidance, to the point I had already clicked like on your video and when you said "I demand you like it" I actually thought for a second about unclicking the like button LOL! *sigh* Great video though, great job!