I Am Destroyed, Physically, Mentally & Emotionally

[@voEovove]

You're mid-burnout. Believe it or not, this is one of the most relatable and important videos you've made to date. Focus on your well-being, first and foremost. If you're overwhelmed, you should ask for help. Most of us are too familiar with the self-hatred and the feeling of inadequacy that comes with being autistic, and that's unfortunately often especially true for those of us that went undiagnosed into our adulthood and lost out on developing necessary coping strategies earlier in life.

[@pamelapora1604]

Unfortunately, what you're experiencing is something I have seen with my son, who had "early intervention " starting at 3 years old. The only coping skills he learned in school 🎉was how to behave neuro typical. Thus, into adulthood, he is adrift in a world he can not navigate successfully on his own yet is expected to. So, for now, he defaults to me (Mom) or his neuro typical sisters to help him make major decisions . We try to interpret for his way of thinking so there are fewer people scamming him, including medical professionals. I hope you can find trustworthy sources that can advocate for you.

[@voEovove]

​@@pamelapora1604 Thank you for your comment. I can certainly relate to this. In my opinion, learning to mask by acting neurotypical is one of the most detrimental things we tend to do. It prevented me from being diagnosed as a child and it often just leads to a loss of identity. I've masked for so long, I don't even know who I am anymore. I appreciate parents who are willing to expand their knowledge of autism to better assist their kids. Your son is quite fortunate to have such a supportive family.

[@brianmeen2158]

@@pamelapora1604yep, I did the same thing as your son. I basically adapted and coped by behaving neuro typically and I look back and see so much damage . My parents weren’t aware of autism back then so I don’t fault them as they even displayed various autistic traits. But there was something wrong from an early age and yeah I just tried to act as normally as I could. As for navigating modern adult life neuro typically as an autistic person - it’s just impossible. Well it can be done but you will be exhausted constantly. Oh and relationships will be beyond confusing

[@brianmeen2158]

@@voEovove interesting that you think masking is detrimental. I get your point but I can’t imagine living through my younger years without masking. Like you though, I’ve masked for so long that I truly have no idea who I am anymore. I’m 39 years old and coming to the realization that all my relationships up until now have been maintained through a false identity. I don’t even know where to go from here. Btw masking for me is as automatic for me as squinting when the sun is too bright for everyone. I assume it’s the same for you ..?

[@voEovove]

​@@brianmeen2158 I can relate. I knew that something was off about me from the time when I was around 8. I also went through a lot of depression, anxiety, and self-isolation throughout my childhood and teens. I recall reading something about autism when I was seventeen, but I let the stigma get to me and refused to even entertain the notion that I could be autistic. In my twenties, I threw myself out into the world hoping that it would make some sort of a positive difference in my life. With the help of a family friend, I was able to move out, rent an apartment, and get a job as a warehouse worker, sweeping the floors and doing other sorts of basic, manual labor. Somehow, after a little over a year, I got moved up and after a while, I singlehandedly managed all logistics for two branch offices of a German conglomerate operating here in Poland, which I think was pretty cool. Despite being way over my head (I'm a high school dropout), and being overworked and underpaid, I still thrived because I had my own office and as long as I did my job, people generally just left me alone. That's also when I got into my first serious relationship. The problem is, I never learnt any self-advocacy skills, and being a people pleaser, I never said "no" to any additional work that was handed to me. When the company went through mass restructuring, followed by layoffs and resignations. They eventually dumped all their English-speaking clients on my lap and I just buckled under the social pressure. I went through a complete and utter shutdown, handed in my resignation (which I shouldn't have - I should've gone on medical leave, but got pressured into doing otherwise), and ​in the process, lost everything that I had built over that four-year period. A year ago, I watched a seminar by Tony Attwood "Could it be Aspergers?" and just broke down into tears because I finally had the answer as to why I was different and that I wasn't alone. It set me down a path of learning everything that I possibly could about autism, and looking back, I realize now that all my attempts at building relationships and navigating a corporate hellscape, were misguided attempts at achieving normalcy and happiness by doing the same thing as every neurotypical. Unfortunately, now I'm right back where I started all those years ago, and not a day goes by when I don't contemplate checking out. As for light sensitivity, I never go outside without a pair of shades. P.S. Sorry for the wall of text.

[@Omneyvdwatering]

As a fellow autistic I recognise where you're at and all the confusion around it. You took on a lot and the world and indeed reached a limit on what you can handle. Not only that, you went way over that limit. While you tell us that you have no idea how you got there, in this video you tell us exactly how you got there. You gave us insight which you, at this moment, realise but cannot clearly see because you're so overwhelmed. It's okay to rest and focus on being a husband and dad for a while. Take the autographed book from your website. It was a lovely thought of you but it costs you too much, both in money and in stress. If possible, find someone, a friend, or family who can be a buffer to read your channel email. Who can more easily see the scams and warn you for suspicious emails so you don't fall for it so easily. Don't feel bad or ashamed for such things, this is part of who you are and now that you found this limit it's time for you and to find the way that does work for you. Set boundries, like if you can do an interview, sure, but do it digitally. You're autistic and you now know what this takes out of you in stress and money. I personally think you're absolutely amazing. Once again you gave us insight in how you feel and experience this. I hope that now, we, your community can do something back in helping you in your process of getting some rest, focus and finding some ways of doing stuff that works better for you while still going after your passion of wanting to help fellow autistics and the future of autistic kids. Sending you Love from the Netherlands.

[@MidnyteKitten]

This is so beautifully put I agree 100% please take care. You can do these things that everyone else can, you just have to find a method that works for you. We’re all learning in some way or another. It’s okay to say no sometimes and it’s okay to compromise. Find that middle ground in what works for you. People who want to interview you will compromise. Sending you and your family good wishes and that things are resolved smoothly ☺️

[@crimnos]

Can't say it any better than this. Really glad Orion saw this.

[@wbabdij]

I second this

[@tinkystink65]

Beautifully said..... ❤️❤️❤️

[@Evo_Aeon]

This. Whatever you choose to do I hope you know the majority of *the community you have built* stand in solidarity behind whatever choices you need to make to rediscover your resilience. Thank you for having the courage to speak your truth. As a late Dx adult, I want you to know you have helped me learn so much about myself in this world, and for that you have my sincerest gratitude and best wishes with your life path. And when you come to Chicago next I hope you get to bring your family and can enjoy some travel as a *whole human being* rather than feeling like a commodity. Whatever the future holds, again thank you from the bottom of my Auti-HD soul.

[@Jon-dq3gu]

Mate. I don’t post. Ever. Social anxiety. I’ve followed you for a while. I’ve felt your pain and felt the need to respond after all you’ve done for us. Take the time out. Your family will get it the same way mine does. Meltdowns are out way of resetting all the crap. It’s all good. Just remember the world is a better place because of people like us. 😘

[@JillianLusterMusic]

I don't ever post either but ever since I saw your videos, I've felt like my participation actually matters

[@dumbdonny4824]

Thank you for sharing here 💕

[@caroldeansjourney]

You have drastically changed my life! I'm a neurotypical woman and married to an undiagnosed autistic 54-year-old man. I never understood him and thought he secretly didn't really like me or anyone else. I was all wrong in the ways I tried to manage our relationship. Your work has opened my eyes and completely changed how I connect with him. It's been a miracle.

[@CharlestonGirl81]

I am also neurotypical with an undiagnosed husband… we are struggling. I feel so disconnected from him and feel helpless at the moment. What are you doing to reach through to him?

[@AstraAnime]

@@CharlestonGirl81 Ask open-ended questions, have the patience to listen, don't correct him or tell him right and wrong, and let him speak his mind, be himself and to communicate when he is struggling and don't ever say his suffering is normal. He probably thinks about things in a very systematic way and has trouble expressing his emotions, which doesn't mean he doesn't feel them and probably feels things very intensely, so you should be kind and acknowledge that he is trying his best and support him.

[@DawnSTyler]

@@CharlestonGirl81similar situation I believe although I am not neurotypical and either is my husband , but in a very different way than me. We fought for years and years and almost ground each other into dust. My advice is to not assume your perception of his motives behind his actions are correct. Be curious and don’t assume. I really thought my husband was a controlling asshole and treated him as one for a long time. He can be that way but most of the time he is just straight forward and blunt and trying to maintain order so that he can relax. He takes his responsibility for our family very seriously and it really wrecks him to think he might not be completely coming through. It’s okay to tell him that you are not interested in his thoughts on how things could be more efficient etc. Refuse to take things personally and get really curious about the intentions behind the actions. Always try to be constructive in every moment of every disagreement. I love who my husband is as a person because he is honest and his heart is pure gold. Integrity depth intelligence dedication honor bravery hardworking … everything that really matters in a life partner (to me anyway) We have been together since 1994. Best of luck to you both. Hope you find my thoughts useful ❤

[@TheEcoClimber]

@@CharlestonGirl81 as a very late diagnosis guy (49) I have learnt over past 2 years by doing a sh1t ton of work on myself, that Radical Honesty & deep Open Communication has helped me. But I’m currently single. Eros Tantra & other types of personal exploration has really helped me with breaking open shame & guilt & scaredness over being radically honest. And keep Asking. Keep asking open questions & getting support. 💚🖤💜

[@SartorialisticSavage65]

We love very deeply. The world is a lot right now,very cruel towards us. We need love and space. To know we aren't just a piece of $hit. To reconnect to our interests and hobbies.

[@EsmePrinsloo]

I am so sorry Orion. As a mother of a 41 year old autistic son, you are my hero and always will be. You are a wonderful human being.

[@hannah-lk3oc]

People don’t realize how much of the autistic experience is just struggling to keep your head above the figurative water every day. I don’t know if it helps to hear but I’m right there with you and I’m always so happy to see an upload from you. None of your labor is in vain. For all the crap you put up with, know that you have a whole lot of autistic people that you bring joy to on a regular basis.

[@brianmeen2158]

Yep and I can’t for the life of me understand how certain autistic people can Manage being married with kids. The social Demands needed to maintain these things would have me burned out 24/7

[@srldwg]

@@brianmeen2158 Agree 100%!!!

[@michiganasmr4375]

In an autistic women’s subreddit, we often say we feel like we’re drowning. 😢

[@Spooniesquared]

100%

[@Spooniesquared]

@@brianmeen2158 same, when I spend a few hours with my nephews I feel shot!

[@lottevanderzanden5045]

By the way Orion, you are one of the best autism content creators out there. Please don't underestimate that. And your community loves you. If money is an issue please please set up an patreon account. I know it's going to be a hassle setting it up but I'm pretty sure that a lot of us will be very happy to support you financially. You deserve to be paid for your work and your support of the community. Seriously, we love you!

[@yasmeenamzk]

I’d sign up 100%

[@higherground337]

@@yasmeenamzk me too!

[@MysticalWren]

YES! Patreon is so good - You would be in total control of what content you create. It's a great platform for creators.

[@autumnshakespeare8777]

If you need any help setting up patron or managing any web based stuff, please reach out. I am a web developer/software developer. I was diagnosed autistic a few years ago and really found value in your content. I am honestly not looking to make money and would love to assist in taking any burden off that I can. But also...I totally understand if it's all too overwhelming and that you need to do what's best for you. Take care of you ❤️

[@stellaheuer1189]

You are clearly overwhelmed and need time out....breathe and take some time for selfcare. Your work is amazing and we so appreciate all you fo. Youre an amazing person who right now cant see the wood for the trees. It sounds like your nervous system has been overstimulated.....step back Orion and give yourself space. Sending best wishes to you snd thank for for being vulnerable and sharing your feelings with us. Xxx

[@naturesoulstudio]

Be gentle with yourself. Content creation is high stress, then the travel and social pressures could easily overwhelm. The book stuff is hugely frustrating, waiting to get enough sales. It will help people, though, so hoping it will have been worth it for you. If you need a break for self care we will still be here. You have helped so many, including myself. I hope we can return the support.

[@marcelletreu8400]

Ditto that. Thank you.

[@tihana13]

So beautifully said. Yes.

[@karenramos9143]

Well said. I totally understand. The social stress and travel alone would have been too much for me.

[@Marty656]

Beautifully said ❤

[@GenseesWorld]

Exactly!

[@ukulelebrowne5351]

There aren’t thousands of content creators that do what you do. You are unique. Thank you for what you have done for us.

[@nicholaslandry6367]

Irreplaceabley honest.

[@Msfaithshirley]

I'm here.I hate it. I just want to live instead of just surviving.

[@babybirdhome]

Well, it was your unfiltered, unmasked, unwatchable videos that made me finally sure that I’m autistic myself, and I still see myself in this video, too. I’ve been in this place several times in my life, and it’s rough because when you’re in it, you can’t see your way back out from it even though it’s still there. It’s kind of like being past the event horizon of a black hole, or at least it was for me. I knew intellectually that my perception of the whole thing was distorted, but I could still only see what I could see at the time. If I’m really right about being autistic and that you’re where I know I’ve been, this “thanks” won’t be what you were trying for when you posted this video, and while you might be grateful, you’ll also be annoyed and frustrated by it. That isn’t my intent. This isn’t for you to owe me or anyone else anything. This is just me saying I know where you are, I’ve been there, I’ve walked in those shoes, I’ve travelled that path. To put it in the words of Tom Berenger from the movie, Sniper, “What I know about this place, son, is because I’m here.” I don’t care what you do with it, whether you treat yourself to something, take your family to dinner, buy something for your son, give it to someone who you think needs it, light it on fire, or what - that’s entirely up to you. I needed to give it to you because I needed to give it to you. Whether you do more or not, I’m still grateful for all the stuff you’ve already done for you, your son, your family, and the rest of us neurodivergent misfits out here in the world with you. I’ve enjoyed both your scripted, edited, masked, and curated videos as well as your unmasked, unfiltered, “unwatchable” videos in part because they’re so helpful to me to put words to things I’ve always experienced and not always been aware that I was experiencing, because they’re so relatable and feel like you’ve lived my actual life, and because since finding your channel and several others in the autism community online, I finally don’t feel like some freak alien from another planet who was never supposed to be here. It’s very helpful knowing that I’m not alone in this world. Now I know since you just flew back from the U.S. that you heard the airline spiel about making sure to put the oxygen mask on yourself before putting one on your kid (because if you do, you won’t get the mask on either of you in time), so make sure that you do some of that for yourself too. It takes time to recover, at least for me, so make sure you’re allocating an adequate amount of resources to that without beating yourself up for it or else it just makes it harder and take longer. That space needs to be made, because making that space on purpose keeps it as small as it can ever be and still do you some good. Take the time, make the space, and recover for yourself and your family. Thank you for all you’ve done, and for whatever you opt to do later. Be well, my friend! (And obviously we’re not “friends”, but you’re still “my people” from my point of view, so that’s good enough.)

[@orionkelly]

I’m so grateful for your support and beautifully kind words.

[@wendymacronald6468]

I love your reply and what you gave.

[@BabyBobRossJalapeno]

❤❤❤❤❤

[@user-gq3ip8kr5r]

Wonderful words ❤

[@katjs]

Thank you for being here. Take a break. Rest. Restore. As long as it takes. But you need to know how much I've appreciated your content. Your book really is amazing. I've been working through it and my mother is also picking it up in her own time and asking me questions. It makes my heart sing when people are actively trying to understand who I am - also late diagnosed adult. I have just been through what you're going through and it hurts to see it from the other side. I am still recovering and need to make a conscious effort to be kind to myself. Please do the same. I WILL get better. Hang in there.

[@orionkelly]

Incredibly kind and supportive of you. Thanks so much.

[@Firepea]

You are not a useless piece of crap and you know that really. You are incredibly stressed and that is understandable. Thank you for all your hard work and content, you’re an amazing advocate. Sending love and support from the UK ❤

[@savetheunstable]

@@orionkelly Same, your book and content are a godsend. My little sister is autistic and through you I've been able to help her so much more. Sounds like you could use like an agent, or assistant of some kind, to filter through all the BS and attempted scams. Just an idea. Adding a donation link may be a good idea, or Patreon as others suggested. Definitely seems like you need a break, get out of the spotlight for a bit. A lot of us are broken people, trying to help and hold up other broken people. It's not easy. Please take care of yourself.

[@LiminalDrag]

As an autistic person who doesn't "look autistic" and hides pain very well, I feel you. The world makes you feel broken, but it's a projection. In reality, the world is disingenuous, apathetic and shameless, and sensitive people take it on as their own problem. Take care of yourself ❤

[@mnelson9057]

Well said. It truly burns us out.

[@egodeathalone]

@BT-dl8kq stereotypically in the eyes of society an autistic person "looks like" my son...he's non speaking, constantly flapping his arms/hands while verbally stimming and making noises that cause NT people to stare and become uncomfortable for some reason I'll never understand. He seems like he's not paying attention to anyone hardly ever, doesn't respond or follow directions, has no sense of danger...eloping and running down a 55mph street is funny to him, no person is a stranger he will touch anyone anywhere. He becomes so hyperfixated on things like sticks and numbers that he appears to be lost in "his own world" and I could go on and on but I think you understand. Meanwhile, I'm autistic like he is just with less support needs...therefore I don't "look autistic" because I've had a lifetime of masking and can talk. I'm raising a child as a single solo mom and society is ignorant, they don't believe autistic people can even have children. I'm not sure if your comment was meant as sarcasm but I'm typing this to hopefully educate anyone who reads this that being autistic looks like being a human. Some of us just hide it very well and it shocks people who will argue with you all the reasons you can't possibly be autistic which they think is a compliment when it's only invalidating and makes me feel bad about existing. And breaks my heart for my son, the way people treat him like he doesn't have feelings or a brain. He doesn't get treated with any respect or dignity that he deserves just like everyone does!

[@Truerealism747]

@@BT-dl8kq eyes always wide apart for one.as.myself.most.honest folk

[@okitssteph]

I felt so alone until I watched this. You sound like me when I’m struggling really bad. I’ve spent the last 7 days talking to myself just like that. I feel seen. You made so many people feel seen. That matters more than you’ll ever know. 💙

[@user-gq3ip8kr5r]

Me too ❤

[@marinasolt6232]

You are far from useless! I have a 23-year old autistic son and your content has helped me understand him far more than any doctor or counselor ever has. My son has so much in common with you. You have helped his dad and I to understand where he’s coming from and to communicate with him in a way that works better for him. I am so glad that I found your channel. Thank you for everything you do.

[@edc8879]

I’m blown away by how many of “us” are going through similarly difficult times! ✌🏻💙🙏🏻

[@Spooniesquared]

Agreed, I’m certainly feeling a lot of these things, and I don’t think it’s a coincidence that the world is in turmoil - it makes the things that are usually hard feel impossible 😢

[@rachymarie]

Yeah, I and all my other spoonie friends - hell, even the neurotypicals now - are struggling lately/this year/pandemic times. My insomnia is up and making it near inpossible to function. Shit's hard. I'm waiting for a sunny day. Actually quite literally too lol - it's winter in New Zealand and it feels like it's been winter the whole year honestly. Like please I need some vitamin D and seratonin stat, and a good washing line drying day, cos since Cyclone Gabrielle the tank in our tiny hot water cupboard is not even warm anymore so we can't get anything washed and dried. It's like please Mother Nature, we love you but please give is a break!

[@LunarFrequenciesHD]

It's so difficult to try to explain to people, so tired of barely getting through each day. I am WAY too trusting and vulnerable and it's gotten me in a lot of bad situations.

[@swordseye2]

@@Spooniesquared I agree. It as if I'm drowning lately. This year I've gone through being leaving an abusive relationship, being homeless, and there are no jobs I'm anywhere near capable of doing and yet the world expects more from me. I'm broken, drowning, and I don't know if I'm going to make it in the future because it's just getting worse. All I can do is latch onto my partner like a parasite and try not to let the overwhelming depression and fear get the best of me.

[@xariasys]

It's ok to shutdown. Take care of yourself then reassess where you are. Please rest. It's okay to rest. I'm praying you find your quiet, empty space filled with soothing things 🙏

[@hugbloom2664]

Yep

[@paulmichaelfreedman8334]

If you're alone it's no problem. Try doing that with NTs around and you're guaranteed to receive (negative) comments. Worse: what if you HAVE to go to work, because otherwise you get fired... You're forced to put your mask back on, which is very dangerous in such a situation..

[@free.the.plants]

@@paulmichaelfreedman8334 I can relate

[@deathcomfortsme]

I really like how you help me understand understand thanks I hope you going to be okay my son is struggling to don't know how to get off the bottom can get back into your schedule I care about your feelings😢 been telling my psychiatrist the same thing you can't do eye contact. Tired looking at people's shoes all because I can look at people's eyes 👀 I hate eyes you'll get through this take care of my stranger friend ❤️😢

[@Songe467]

Welcome to the bottom. I got there in 2020. I walked away from my ex, my house, my job, my life in 2020. I was extremely burnt out and overwhelmed and just couldn't cope with any of it anymore. Things only got worst for me in 2021. Where I walked away from my parents, my siblings and ended up sleeping in a car with my dog and been homeless. I stopped expecting so much from myself, I stopped been a people pleaser, I stopped trying to hold myself up to society expectations, to family expectations and just stopped worrying about everything but the essentials. The essentials of life are actually very basic. They require you to eat, sleep and do some basic routine health and hygiene care. All the rest of it is just crap everybody else piles on top of us that you can safely ignore. Take a break, rest, relax and switch off for awhile if that's what you need to do. Counselling helps.

[@annea3004]

Thank you for sharing your story. Life is harsh. I hope things improve as you rebuild your new life. 💚

[@marcelletreu8400]

I don't think it must be called the 'bottom", it should be called the goal... a simple life.

[@ThaDrizzle]

Thank you for sharing. I don't have an official autism diagnosis, but I identify with many of the feelings expressed by Orion and yourself. The pressure from society, family and loved ones is overwhelming. I care little about the things that don't fall into what you call the essentials. Appearances, expectations, norms, standards, etc. I'm sick of having my behavior policed by the world around me. I hope you find peace in your new life. I told my wife and parents last year after a mental breakdown, that's all I want out of life any more, is to find peace.

[@newtuber4freedom43]

I am at that set of crossroads now ...

[@Vanessa-um4lw]

Hello, You must know you are not alone. Exploitation is the way of life for many who navigate this world because this is what they are mostly capable of. This is how they survive. Getting through life can wear anyone down and there isn’t always the impetus to be more than it takes to get by. The effort is will drain your energy. This is true for autistic and neurotypical alike. Since most people default to their baser instincts,it is best to lower your expectations while hoping for the best in dealing with them. It’s just being realistic. Nobody can dictate what will make your life meaningful if there even is any meaning. There are exceptions but most people,even the fortunate are to be handled with caution. We can only trust those who can prove themselves and even then we can be fooled. Be careful, be kind and understanding but know the landmines are out there. Just take care of yourself and those close to you. ♥️

[@Helen-oi7qm]

I NEED your content. I am autistic. I finally see someone exist that thinks like me and also is very capable and strong and also helps other people. You inspire me. Thank you once again. I hope you will feel better soon!

[@MOJORAPSCALLION]

Me too! This is my favourite Autism channel

[@etcwhatever]

I feel the same about appointments and tasks...like my life is on hold. Im like obsessed and drained from such things

[@thegiantmimir4664]

Hi Orion. It seems to me that making videos, writing very personal books and putting yourself out there, international travel to promote those books, placing yourself in front of interviewers - are all incredibly stressful activities for the autistic mind - and sit very uncomfortably with being a parent, and a husband, and yourself. It takes courage to take it on, and requires time and space to recover - as well as the love and understanding of those close to you. The intensity of your passion for autistic advocacy and the impact it has on your son and others gives you drive, but an additional challenge to balance your own needs, such as your health, against it. Your audience admires your decision to place yourself where you are for others, and your candour about the downsides of your career. Astronauts needs spacesuits to survive away from Earth, and even then frequently need to get back to the spacecraft for Oxygen. At some point they need to return to Earth. I feel like my career feels like being an astronaut going on daily spacewalks. Your book is your spacewalk - your family is Earth. Your books and content are a victory for others and you deserve time to recover from the cost to you. Love from my family to yours.

[@lindac-jf1su]

Very eloquently said. We value you and your content has impacted a lot of people in a positive way. I wish I could find the words but I’m burnt out myself. Just happy someone else found them.

[@srldwg]

@@lindac-jf1su I am so sorry you are in a burnout too. I am as well. I don't know what to say, because I know how hopeless, exhausting, and overwhelming it feels. The overwhelming anxiety and depression too. We do have Orion, understanding about each other, and validation from the Autistic community. I feel empty as I write that, but I know it's true, and to me those things are better than any words said by or to me right now.

[@rachymarie]

Omg that reminds me of the feeling of overwhelm I get, where I'm just suspended high above the world, about to drop and crash hard into the world. Then's when I need to take a step back and recharge

[@beandoll]

You don't seem like a craphouse to me at all, sir. Thank you for vulnerably sharing your experience with us all. I'm a 40-year-old who's new to understanding how she's been autistic her whole life, and you've been such an encouraging link in an unexpected chain of helpful people who have ended up coaching and cheering me on along my way via KZbin. Again, thank you. Please do take care of yourself; I hope you'll be well.

[@srldwg]

I know the struggle too. I went through the grieving phase (he has a video about grieving what you always thought you were only to find you weren't. It's not the other video called grieving and autism where it talks about how we grieve deaths of ones we were close to) I was (and still am) at the burnout phase he is at now. His video eerily came out a couple of days after it started. It was so helpful in not feeling alone. All of his raw, unfiltered, no bullshit honestly about how we feel inside and what goes on in our heads is what we need to see on KZbin sometimes. The details of behind the scene stuff of him being used, taken advantage of, and his raw honesty of his vulnerability and inability to see when that is happening is also something that we need to see. It made me feel validated and not alone having been taken advantage of repeatedly in the past. His admittance of his difficulties navigating and judging multiple situations. Opening up about how we try, misjudge things, get knocked down by others for their own wants, the fallout we deal with, not be able to judge when we are taking on too much, neglecting self care because of this, and being open about where that has lead him to the break breaking point. His trip had me worried, because traveling (and to another country at that) is so hard on autistic people. When I found out that he went alone (I saw his videos from Chicago, but assumed that he was just vlogging on his own, not there alone) my heart hurt. I can go on and on, but I hope that we can all continue to support each other in this online community that we have.

[@MrAndywills]

As an autistic person, husband, father, I recognise so much of this, especially being scammed. You have helped the autistic community at large (a lot) and through this you have probably helped your son? Neurotypicals often say life is hard, but don't realise/care that it's worse for us.

[@Alphacentauri819]

To try to say "it's worse for us".... is very blind. You don't know others experiences. I've worked with thousands of people, of many neuro types. To try and compare your experience to others, meanwhile invalidating theirs, dismissing theirs is unfortunately arrogant and ignorant. We are all complex, multifaceted, with different upbringings, different bullying experiences, different genetics, different sensitivities...and on and on. Be careful of the cognitive distortions (black/white), bias, that warp lenses.

[@jbenoit1962]

@@Alphacentauri819 Context matters and if you'd like a long, evidence-based, peer reviewed literature review of how generally western societal things are indeed "worse" for autistic people in comparison to that of our neurotypical counterparts I'd be happy to take a break from my PhD research to provide one. I mentioned elsewhere I'm an autistic person of colour and I can't tell you how many times I've heard people say things dismissing tangible, measurable impacts of racism and the far reaching repercussions of colonialism especially in Australia where I'm from. Your contrarian comment in a safe space and community for autistic people no different.

[@buttercxpdraws8101]

@@jbenoit1962 👏👏👏✌️💕🌻

[@buttercxpdraws8101]

@@Alphacentauri819 🤦‍♀️🙄🙄

[@MidnyteKitten]

I genuinely feel for everyone going through a hard time please take care things can indeed be hard sometimes we just gotta keep swimming. To the others, there’s a time and a place to pick on word choice and the facts etc. This is not the time nor the place.

[@TheSarcasticSiamese]

I know this was a year ago, but I want to give you an (acceptable) hug. I was recently diagnosed, at age 46, after being stuck trying to heal low self-worth for years. Was initially being evaluated for CPTSD for possible ketamine treatments. Getting the diagnosis (along with the realization that my mother had narcissistic traits and yes, because of both that and the undiagnosed autism, I do indeed have CPTSD...), it made so much of my life make sense. I dont feel as fundamentally broken as I always have. When I started looking for resources and such, your vids were one of the top things that came up and have been so helpful and relatable. Thank you so much.

[@katrinanorris9690]

I’m 63 and just found out I’m autistic I know how you feel mate I’m so over it at this point in time

[@robinjeree]

I sincerely hope you are feeling better. What you have done for autism really matters to a lot of people. Thank you.

[@B-B-B-]

Everyone else has already put it brilliantly, but here I am to reiterate this too - Bro, this is some grade-a autistic burnout, and without a doubt you are pushing it waaaay too much. You’ve done so much, it’s amazing and inspiring! All I can do is barrrrely cope and be a good Mum in a neurodivergent family. I can’t work. I can barely do the basics some days… and it’s still so much. You’re not alone ❤ You’re travelling the world, in the public spotlight so quickly, pulled from pillar to post AND you’re dad and hubs on top of all that. You’ve done amazing. You’re not just building debt, but you’re building a community and your impact in immeasurable in capitalistic and monetary terms. You haven’t let anyone down, you’re putting everyone else above yourself and running on empty. Take a step back, we totally get it. You deserve the same kindness you offer everyone else 💕

[@nandtc1]

Sir, you are in burn out. Be gentle with yourself. The world is getting better with autism, your voice has made a difference. It’s okay to take a break. You cannot be creative when you are in this state. This is one of the most impressive content release you have done. It’s real, honest and transparent. You have broken your routine, went overseas without your normal support network. You cannot be perfect Orion. Thank you for letting us see the real you and verbalize how we go through stages that pushes our coping mechanisms. I will pray for you.

[@TheTalieincali]

❤❤❤

[@kimshe70]

I agree with this comment 100%. Orion - get some rest and above all be gentle to yourself for a while. This is burnout and common for autistic persons. You have helped me quite a bit (and many many others) realize we are not alone when we feel the burnout. I cannot express how helpful it is just to know that I am not the only one to ever feel this. It's ok to take a break and again - You have been a GREAT help - whether you realize it or not.

[@laceweisbrod3166]

Hello, it’s Lace here. They’re both right you are in burnout mode. Please take care of yourself.

[@mytimetoshine]

Please don't beat yourself up. You have been overwhelmed in activities, stimulations, social interactions. And your in burnout. It's ok. Please take a break and just sleep it throu. Hang in there x

[@LMsfa4591]

thank you Orion, i'm 70, i have learned so much of how my brain works from you and how to deal with it. we have no help out here but people like you, A HUGE THANK YOU!! PLEASE take care of your self!!!!

[@elizabethmarks4433]

I am Autistic. I travelled from Australia to England with my autistic daughter to see my mother for 17 years. It caused enormous burn out for me and equally enormous meltdowns for my severely autistic daughter. After my mother died I vowed to never do that again and I have not. We struggle to get through normal days, regardless of anything else. I hear you.

[@jimwilliams3816]

Likewise. I went from the East Coast of the US to Hawaii last year, which is a bunch of time zones but nowhere near as far as you went. Outward bound, travelling with the sun, I managed, but after the return trip I fell apart -- I think mostly meltdowns. I was in better shape to do when I did the same trip a decade earlier, and coped, but not this time.

[@poddy6530]

That's what I was gonna say. Nuerodiversity doesn't fit into the hole society keeps trying to bash us into. It's tiring my loves x

[@mailill]

​@@jimwilliams3816 There are some hacks to avoid jet lag on long trips that have to do with how eating patterns could help or hinder jet lag. It is based on studies, and is used by military intelligence organizations. One of these hacks is to fast for 12-16 hours to adjust to the natural eating window in the time zone in the place you go to. You find out when you would eat breakfast in the city you are going to, and then you fast (only drink water, but no coffee and no alcohol) 12-16 hours before that time. Example: you fly from New York to London on March 12th in the evening. Your next meal will be about 3AM New York time late that night, which is 8AM London time on March 13th. You need to start your fasting around 12-16 hours before then. Basically, you’ll need to fast well before you reach the airport. This would mean stopping your meals, which should be high protein, at around noon that day. Also the breakfast when you arrive should be high protein. Another option somebody told me (if I remember it correctly) is to stick rigorously to only eating in the normal "eating window" you have in the the place you live (and where you start your travel from) on the whole trip, even if/though you adjust to sleeping in what is the natural "sleeping window" (night time) in the new time zone. It means that you may only have a few waking hours where you can actually eat, so for long stays or if you know you will be invited to dinners, this is not the best option.

[@jimwilliams3816]

@@mailill Interesting. I'm don't know if I could pull that off, because I crash fast if I go long without eating. I always said I had blood sugar regulation issues, too prone to drops that produce brain fog and irritability. I know now that it's connected to ADHD. I did have tricks associated with time changes, mostly to hold onto my normal circadian rhythm, as the business trips were generally hellish 3-day junkets that were over fast, and involved little sleep(!)...staying longer was another matter. And 5-6 hour shifts was a problem, but I mostly kept it to 3 hours max, continental US. But what about making fists with your toes?? (Die Hard reference!) :)

[@mailill]

@@jimwilliams3816 I have blood sugar issues too (symptoms of insulin resistance) if I eat a normal high carb diet. Two years ago I switched to a moderate keto for a while and then to an even more moderate low carb diet (with a lot of veggies and berries but no processed sugar) - and it really helps for the blood sugar issues (I'm not so hungry and irritable all the time). I still have brain fog and ADD-like lack of concentration, though, and try to sort those issues out. I know some of the worst triggers for me personally, but they are hard to avoid completely. I will look up the Die Hard reference and try to make fists with my toes. At least it won't hurt! 😂

[@CosmicFart-bv3nb]

As a person suspected of being on the spectrum, I could instantly tell within a fews seconds that you may be having what happens to me. After an intense period of new experiences, whether its spending time abroad or being part of an amazing project; I crash heavily afterwards. It sends me spiralling into depression. People don't understand that I'm happier when I'm busy and 'achieving' things. But when its over, I'm left feeling like I can't do anything. I call it 'the big crash'. I am in the middle of a massive crash now, it is difficult but the only advice I can give is not to be difficult on yourself. Take a break! You will get through this!

[@AutisticAwakeActivist]

Yes i crash

[@drivewayturtle65]

You just described my life. Especially the "happier when I'm achieving things" part. I'm74 years old and have lived my life like this. Floating, then crashing and burning. I'm very creative. Everybody wants something from me so I have no real friends, I also feel like an imposter when I do something really well. I say awkward things at the worst time, then kick myself for weeks. I identify with this man so much.

[@CosmicFart-bv3nb]

@Driveway Turtle it IS hard! The anguish in his eyes, I recognise it, I relate to it...I feel the anguish. People often believe people on the ASD spectrum don't have emotions, but from the ASD people I know have them stored up.....until they burst. Because many of us are often talented, our talents are always taken advantage of. I relate to what you say, "kicking yourself for weeks". NTs always say to me, "you have just won 4 medals, why are you so down?" And when a crisis/crash/meltdown happens, they accuse you of being over the top, or being a child. There is little help and practically no understanding. But, I still call my autism (even though waiting for diagnosis), my superpower. I see the world so differently to the people around me, I am creative, have some intelligence and I'm still driven to learn new things. I wish there was more help for people like Orion and you and everyone on the ASD spec!

[@amberdiane4486]

I am SO proud of you. Your vulnerability, honesty, boldness and courage. You are allowed to be royally PISSED OFF AS FUCK. That’s a good thing. We need more of this. You may feel like shit because it is shit. The situation is shit. But we do our best and then it’s up to neurotypical people to make a serious effort to include and invite people with a disability for a seat at the table. It is unfair and to be honest, abusive that you have to do this. Please know that there are more people fighting this fight with you, including myself. You aren’t alone.

[@Catlily5]

You sound like me when I am down. You will come out of this. Center yourself on your values. Spend time with your family.

[@AlabasterPeacock]

Going out into the quiet of a forest and just lying there with blankets, letting my body move or make sounds as it needs to. Feeling the peaceful, steady comforting support of the earth and the freshness of the forest air and just allowing myself to be how I need to be without judgement This is very soothing and healing for my nervous system. Disconnect and recharge in nature, maybe it will help you so much too

[@VindensSaga]

I felt understood and not alone watching this. :) Thank you. The world is a weird place. It is total insanity.

[@stevenbakos]

You don’t need the world, Orion… Just one single person is all it takes 🤗🤗🤗💜 I was just diagnosed 4 weeks ago at the age of 50. You’ve helped me a lot already brother. Thank you 🙏🏻

[@Mr.Glitch]

Same here. Diagnosed on my 44th birthday in Sept and Orion has been such a huge help with navigating autism when there's no support available officially.

[@hannahb9195]

welcome to the community!

[@katykroupa]

Diagnosed at 48. So-called level 1 autism didn't exist as a diagnosis when we were children.

[@stevenbakos]

@111 222 T I’m in the same boat! I got to a point I could no longer mask like used to. I’m on the severe spectrum of Sensory processing disorder and am currently in the process off applying for Disability as well. I am lucky to have just found an Occupational Therapist who works with Autistic Adults 👍🏻

[@karentaylor2044]

I am a neurotypical woman who watches your content to understand Autism. Your content is enlightening and raw and has helped me to understand a lot. This video in particular was from the heart and was essential to see the deep and confusing world you live in. Anyone watching this could not be touched by it. You ask what good are you doing? Well all I can say (as a neurotypical woman) to see this and listen to your raw emotion has helped more than I can say. Don’t stop. You are making a difference.

[@laceweisbrod3166]

Hello, it’s Lace here. You are making a difference in many lives. Please keep up the great work.

[@Helen-oi7qm]

I'm at a starbucks tearing up at the idea that a neurotypical person want to understands autistic people. Thank you so much. I wish you the best you must have a beautiful soul!

[@finalthoughts2762]

@@Helen-oi7qm there are more of us who watch and want to try and understand 🙂💜

[@Helen-oi7qm]

@finalthoughts2762 thank you so so much. Bless your souls!

[@leslie_rish]

This video was just what I needed to know I'm not alone in feeling mentally, emotionally and physically exhausted. It's like you read my mind. I'm 51 and what I thought was years of on and off depression I'm now recognizing there was also Autistic burnout from masking. I'm not officially diagnosed but an online assessment confirmed it for me. Your videos and a few other channels have helped me navigate all of this. Take care of yourself! That's the most important thing right now! I know, much easier said than done.

[@belindacullen-reid4595]

This is me too as a late diagnosed. All those ups and downs and wondering what was going on. It’s just the road

[@brianmeen2158]

I’m 39 and right where you are. Over the years I just thought my issue was depression or social anxiety or even schizoid but those really didn’t fit correctly. Then I read about masking and autistic burnout and everything fell into place. It’s beyond daunting to realize that the relationships I’ve built were all based on my false identity(my mask) though

[@threetoadsnortyblogg8762]

This is me also

[@laceweisbrod3166]

Hello my name is Lace. I can relate. Take care of yourself and please don’t forget your special interests. Opera is mine. When I am feeling burnt out, I sing opera and that really helps. I also love the smell of vanilla and that seems to calm me down. :-) namaste.

[@futurespin]

I get like this so often, people asking me what's wrong and it's difficult to answer when I don't know myself. I completely shut down and want to cut everything off. The fact you managed to make a video right now is just amazing 😊

[@TEWMUCH]

I've done this two. Years of isolation.

[@musicamongaliens]

It's really heartbreaking to hear that you're struggling so much at the moment. Watching your videos has been incredibly helpful for me and I'm sure many many others. You don't have to be an autistic superhero just because you educate people about autism. You are allowed to be just as burnt out, overstimulated and overwhelmed like the rest of us. I'm sure if you met any other autistic person feeling the way you are right now you would feel nothing but compassion for them, so I hope you can have compassion for yourself as well. It's okay to not be okay sometimes!

[@BabyBobRossJalapeno]

This is such a nice comment for all of us. It’s ok not to be ok. When we see others in a frazzled state we are the first to show compassion. The self compassion is so important. I swear this is the first place I’m learning it. Going for treatment with people thinking you are NT just does not work. It has actually made me feel worse. So many posts like this and the videos Orion shared has flooded my heart with love for myself. I didn’t think my well of empathy could get any deeper. Now I see it can and already has. 💛

[@florentinaguggenheimer6557]

I love you Orion. We all love you. You'll be alright in a while💕

[@connied8507]

I call it feeling used up. You're a highly motivated individual. You burn your flame brightly. Yes you make things better. Now you need to decompress. Virtual hugs and chocolate chip cookies 🍪🤗 You've made me recognize when I'm spiralling. I've learned to say "Stop. I'm not comfortable with this." This is IMPORTANT: Announce on your viewers "Please ask your local library to purchase 'Autism Feels'." Libraries love the suggestion. Watch the commercials to increase Utube revenue.

[@pthelo]

I'm sorry you're struggling. If it's any consolation, I recently showed your video "How to identify Autistic Adults" to my Mom. I'm sure my Pops is undiagnosed, and she felt comforted and more understanding towards some of the things my father does by having an explanation. So if it's anything, you helped at least three people with that one video, so THANK YOU.

[@crispy16]

I'm watching this a year later. I appreciate you and your videos so much. I wasn't as late diagnosed as a lot of people. I was a teenager. I've been having more meltdowns than ever lately. Sometimes I just play one of your videos so I can remind myself that what I'm feeling is normal and it will pass. You're doing an incredibly important thing, mate.

[@GoodTrebleStudios]

I just want to let you know I came across this video this evening, and it resonated so strongly with me until I've been feeling. I too have spent thousands of dollars promoting something I believe in deeply as an autistic woman I'm kind of on a mission on how not to do that LOL. But we're not failures. You've let no one down. You bring something so incredibly selfless to the world and you charismatically demonstrate to others how to do it. You have inspired me to start my own channel about being a late diagnosed female. It's hard to see all the growth and healing happening in an incubator when you're in it too.

[@orionkelly]

I’m looking forward to watching your content.

[@tinkystink65]

Thank you for being YOU. ❤️

[@orionkelly]

I appreciate it.

[@bearsytaco6284]

I’m waitlisted to be diagnosed with autism at the age of 37. You’re videos have helped me so much. This one especially. It’s not often that you see someone being so raw and honest. I had a bit of a noise related melt down today and was feeling so much shame until I saw this video. Keep doing what you’re doing and be gentle with yourself. You are having an impact and I’m super grateful that you’re here 😊

[@loverainthunder]

There is not a more autistic brand. ❤ You are an inspiration and a delight. ❤ Lay low, take gentle care of yourself. Thank you for existing. ❤❤❤

[@ravenspace]

Totes this a thousand fold.

[@Nurturing2]

Self care is paramount, my friend❣️ Setting boundaries is a demonstration of self love. You are so very loved!!! Update: I bought your book on Amazon USA❣️ Thank you!!!

[@orionkelly]

Yes! Thank you!

[@AutismAlways]

So relatable … i have been in this state for years ..😢

[@Neongoddess76]

Us autistic people are with you. It's just hard sometimes and you can't explain it. You have NOT let us down. This explains things perfectly. Major autistic burnout. Everything can be going great on the outside and then it just hits you. We are with you, from here in the UK 🇬🇧 ❤

[@wendyfuller2984]

From Ontario Canada 🇨🇦

[@Spooniesquared]

This is so true Cath (I’m also from the UK)

[@dianorrington]

I 'burned out' quite badly at 47, and was diagnosed not long after. I'm 52 now, and still recovering physically from the burnout. But I've had quite a bit of time for introspection, for better and for worse, and I've learned that time is our friend. It can also be our challenger, but if you can treat it as a friend, and let it heal you, and give yourself as much of it as you need, it may help. But you have to help time help you, if you know what I mean. Take a break. You have done wonderful things so far. But you need to rest. Sleep, meditate, eat well, be in nature, move your body gently, stretch, drink water, drink herbal teas...take some time. Clearly, your body, mind and spirit are asking this of you. I wish you all the best, but please do rest.

[@EowynCPH]

The world IS better because, just you sitting there in this video, explaining what you are going through, gives us a voice. We can recognize ourselves in what you are going through. I feel like i am broken too, and i have no idea how to get back. Being open about it is a step on the way to a better world for us, so thank you for sharing this with us❤️

[@lotusluciditys3rdrealm]

I'm dealing with burnout, too....like a mental & emotional breakdown. It's from overwhelming stress. We can only take so much until we break. 😢

[@Cfomodz]

Hey man, I don't know all of what you're feeling, but my heart hurts for you. I don't know if it's any help or if I'm just describing my own unhealthy way of being in a "holding pattern" but when I feel unsure about where I am or why or which direction I am wanting to go sometimes I just let myself wait, you know. Like I do whatever is in front of me, eat, try to remember to take care of my body medically, try to stand up and walk around or take a long shower or whatever you need to breathe for a minute, and then just keep doing whatever is in front of me again until things get better.. You have helped me learn a lot about myself and what I'm doing / have done without knowing it for years, etc. so I feel kind of foolish giving you advise.. but... that's all I've got.. Had my neuropsych eval interview (part 1/2) today.. It sounds like I'll finally be receiving a diagnosis next month. Your videos have really helped me get through this uncertain time in my life not really knowing what's going on with me. It seems crazy to hope *for* an autism diagnosis, but I guess that's where I am, because otherwise I don't know what's wrong with me... Wishing the best for you. I was a creator for a bit there, so I understand the whole parasocial relationship we have and the fact that you might not even read this and wouldn't as much as know my name if you saw me on the street, but at the same time I can tell you that how you're doing matters to me personally, and that I hope you do whatever you need in order for you to be at peace and doing what you need for you, whatever that means. Thank you for all that you do, when you are able, when you are feeling up to it, when it brings you joy and is something that you want to do. Oh, and brands suck... 🙃- Sponsored by RAID: Shadow Legends

[@Melissa.Garrett]

I second the suggestion to set up a Patreon account, I know a lot of us would love the chance to give back for all your amazing work. Without you, I would never have known that I’m autistic. I would have gone through the second half of my life convinced I was simply a bad person, as I did the first half. Because of you both I and my mother have learnt to accept ourselves and not be ashamed of who we are, and I sincerely love you for that. I know that all of the NDs here will have experienced what you’re going through at some point in their lives, and know that it’s not your fault in any way. But please know that this is temporary, and that we want you to take all the time you need to look after yourself and heal from this almighty crash. We’ll be waiting if (when) you feel able to come back.

[@alexandranorris1763]

I third the suggestion I haven’t seen many channels without a patreon - and that includes million subscriber channels. I’m fairly convinced it’s the only way to cover operating costs on this platform.

[@patriciag571]

Right! This is the channel that made me really sit back and say "ya know something, I believe I am autistic (and that that's okay)"

[@ShyMusicPanda]

Patreon would be exactly the kind of suggestion an excellent business partner/friend would make imo!

[@SaoirseGraves]

Small comfort perhaps, but I'm a late diagnosis autistic living in Ireland, my family is in the US. I'm too burnt out to travel... but your videos help me show them and help them learn what they need to learn. It's helping our whole family, not just me. ❤ I hope very much that you get to feel better soon, on your own terms.

[@SynthwaveDuck]

It's often when we've succeeded at something we are tempted to view ourselves as failures. There is an inherent 'What now' moment, however brief when you have accomplished something or a series of things. It is from there we choose what path next to take. My man you're doing hard work. Putting youself through the wringer for our benefit as a community. That's laudable. Many people appreciate it even if some do not. You're doing a public service and running an enterprise whatwith KZbin and books. That's not easy. I can see it taking a toll. I think the travel is affecting ya too m8. It's super rough to upend everything, fly around meeting people you don't know for a week or more, then try to return a sense of normalcy. One thing I have learned personally is the outrageous ingratitude human beings are capable of. Try not to take it personally, but learn where your proverbial bread is buttered. The other insight I can offer is from Einstein: "Two things are infinite: The universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe." Don't expect too too much of others and you'll be more seldom disappointed. Sad to hear of your trouble with scammers and such. That struggle is real. It's a testament to the impact you're having they're targetting you however. Maybe hire a volunteer screener, someone with a trustworthy background. Verified like. Nothing worth doing is easy m8. That's truth. I hope you continue. Don't worry too much what NT's think overall, you're a star in my eyes. You have an awesome name by the way. I hope you know your struggle is not in vain. PS Interesting point to me anyway: Orion as a nursery of stars! How d'ya know you aren't inspiring others to step up as you have? Give it time.

[@barbaraabelhauser1896]

For what it's worth, Orion, you've made my journey through my late in life Autism diagnosis so much better. I can't even begin to tell you. I feel like so much less of a freak thanks to your videos. You make me realize I'm not alone in my struggles. That has been priceless to me. So if this is you broken, then you, unbroken, would be the king of the world. Please be gentle with yourself. You do make a difference.

[@Metaphoria_Music]

i've just found your channel and I don't know the details about your situation, but you're too hard on yourself for trusting the wrong people and getting exploited. A man with a heart and a soul like yours do not have a chance of foreseeing something like this because it comes from a mindset that your pure heart and mind couldn't imagine before you experienced it yourself.. It's just pure insanity to scam a person that gives all in his heart to make the world as good of a place as it could be for everyone by sharing not just your knowledge and wisdom but also your pain which in this case helped me heal my own pain by seeing it from the outside perspective through you and that was really profound for me and Im sure for so many others as well. I really hope you are doing better now, and please don't take on the guilt and shame that don't belong to someone that is doing everything in his power to do good and even does it without demanding anything in return 🙏❤ "Givers, know your boundaries because the takers have none"✋ You are just what this world needs my friend :)

[@PlanckBunny]

I am laughing and crying because of how cathartic this is! I'm a Mom in the US, and my young son and I are both on the spectrum. Thank you for sharing your unsensored and unmasked experiences with us. I feel guilty about being overwhelmed and shutting down and the major depressive episodes. Your sharing has helped express how I'm feeling. Broken or Nuh, you're a hero!👏🏾

[@LaJarnigouenne]

Bonjour Orion! 😊 Thank you so much for being you, and for helping so many of us. Orion, please do whatever you need to feel better: I'm truly sincere and worried, like if you were my own brother. You've done so much for the community and for your son! You are not useless, and you need a well-deserved restorative break. Sending you much love from Québec, Canada.

[@orionkelly]

Thank you so much for your kindness and support. It means a lot.

[@deboraazevedo.s]

We need to be able to properly thank you for your extremely hard and meaningful work. Stop saying you don't need "help". It isn't help. It is payment for your work. You've earned it. ♡

[@cleols5433]

You said it all for me with "I'm vulnerable, man, I'm not meant to navigate all this crap !!" Thanks so incredibly much!! 🙏💕

[@MOJORAPSCALLION]

I’m in autistic burnout right now too just like you were. Trouble is my physical health needs demand I need carers upto 3 in at the same time every single day and it’s overwhelming my AuDHD brain hates it I’m so overwhelmed and overstimulated. I can’t rest due to the nature of my physical health issues I have 3 tubes to survive. You’re my favourite Autistic creator Orion! Thank you 🙏🏼 ps. You’re amazing Orion! 🫶🔥

[@stevewoolhiser7249]

You geniunely ARE helping people, brother. I'm just now figuring out (at 37 years old) that I am most likely on the spectrum and you are doing such a great job of helping me validate my thoughts and feelings. Thank you so much and never stop being you.

[@phoenixlee247]

Hey Orion. Don't forget that you NEED to take the week or two now AT LEAST after returning from your trip, to rehabilitate your nervous system from all the sensory overload you coped with. For me, that means one or two DAYS alone in bed sleeping. Also, even the GOOD and exciting things that have a lead-up of prep and anticipation can cause an emotional let down period when they are over. If this happens even to neurotypical people, it does so exponentially to people whose nervous system may be overloaded. It's like crashing. For me, I have to GIVE MYSELF PERMISSION to let things ride and go on autopilot for at least that week or two. You are flesh and blood, and you can't wish that away even due to your need to be there for your family and others as much as you want to and without gaps of time. Take each day now and do as much self care as you possibly can, to recover as fast as you possibly can, so that you can be all that you can and must be for your loved ones, yourself and your other priorities. When I'm in such a state, I must tell my loved ones I know I need their support and I must accept the little caring things they might be able to give. It will be my turn to be there for them again when I'm better. I'm so sorry you were scammed. I hope you use a good VPN app, which screens out at least some of that digital vulnerability. I'm new to your channel, 63 and female, and just realizing I'm autistic. You have helped me already more than you could ever know. So don't lose heart. You will bounce back. I'm going to go order your book now to try to be a part of giving back. Rest and recover, priority number one, as hard as it can be to do that, brother! Thanks for all you do.

[@LaceyMyriah]

THIS is so important!!! I’m still trying to apply this for myself.

[@terencemeikle534]

I've always found that the worst times come in the wake of an up-tick in life, like acing exams, getting into Uni, finding a new partner, etc. It seems that the greater the success, the bigger the burnout. It's kinda made me duck out of a lot of life, just to evade the breakdowns.

[@KarenCro]

I'm 36 years old and I'm going for my autism assessment in around October with a clinical psychologist who specialises in adults with autism. I sat down yesterday with my Mam and showed her your very first video on this channel so she could better grasp and understand what autism is. She is already learning so much from listening to me but she couldn't believe how much it's resonating compared to your experience also, in that she has someone to reflect outside of me, her thoughts towards and in making sense of them to help me. She was in awe of your passion, she really felt it. The hardest part of this is not having expectations of yourself when you've already expected more of yourself than you believed was possible. Please just take time to rest and recover. The light you can't quite see right now will make an appearance again, when you're ready to see it. ☺️

[@hamishjones818]

You make a difference. mate. Thank you

[@alastairmerrill9349]

This is one of your best videos, thank you. NTs don't get to see the dark side of a ND person's burnout, and it's brave and helpful that you're showing this in such a raw, unfiltered and honest way. I think finishing the book, doing all the promo work, and coming to the end of what will have been an all-consuming journey, makes the burn out and feelings of confusion and worthlessness almost an inevitability. Hyperfocus helps us to cope, and to shut out all the noise, stress and demands of 'normal' life. When that obsession reaches a conclusion or has to take more of a back seat, suddenly the world seems overwhelming and you can end up feeling pointless and lost. I don't know the answer to avoiding this, but I hope that when you feel ready, you'll be back to tell us how you got through this, one step at a time.

[@orionkelly]

I really appreciate your kindness and support.

[@Sursie_Metzger]

I have felt very similarly after big trips. Some of it can be contributed to the way hormones fluctuate when you go through a particularly fun or stressful period. You apply that to an autistic brain and fun, opportunity etc can be absolutely depressing after as your hormones level out and you readjust to being home and the aftermath of your journey, all the things you may not have felt in the moment may be compounded as well. I’ve had period of some of the most soul crushing depression after concerts I’d been looking forward to attending for months. It took so much out of me. But the good part about it is that with time it did pass. It can be hard to see it in that moment but it’s such a relief when you finally start to gain control of your sense of self again. I hope this rough period passes for you very soon, Im sorry to hear you’re having to deal with this ✨

[@Red.Rabbit.Resistance]

I love you, brother. Sometimes you don't need to have the words. Life is scary, especially as a male/father with autism. I want you to know; that spite your real authentic feelings. You have people around you that love you so dearly. It is ok to lean on our loved ones when we get like this. You have a family... you are really really lucky. I am 40 years old and I was diagnosed in rehab at 37. Its been just me and my service dog since then. I have been clean now for 4 years and I have managed to stay ontop of things in my life... because of my doctors and people like you. Thank you brother for being brave enough to be yourself in front of a camera. Its helped me unmask who i am and i feel happy for the first time in my life. I dont feel happy all the time, and sometimes nothing really makes sense anymore. I want to give up, but i have my dog. He means a lot to me, and at the end of the day he doesnt have any answers either. And that makes me feel better. I admire, and respect you very much. you can do this, brother. Take a break. Edit: i dont like talking about it either. But i am where I am in life because I have been scammed a lot. I just cant see it coming or even explain how it happens to be honest... I have lost my whole life and i am starting again on my own this time. I am scared to let anyone in now. I lost my home and my pets. all my things and my money... i understand brother. I understand but I also dont understand at all...

[@annea3004]

Dogs eh? They should be spelled: God. I've been thinking about all the ordinary people I've known and how they've inspired me. The things they suffered. The circumstances they overcame and endured. Their laughter and smiles. They are deceased but they've contributed to my life in so many ways. Simply being themselves. Your story is incredible. It's wonderful to think that others are inspired and strengthened by our lives. Your life gives so many the hope and courage to keep going. They may never get the chance to tell you. Thank you for being you. 💚

[@Red.Rabbit.Resistance]

@@annea3004 thank you, i did not occur to me in the moment people would reply to this. I am learning that sharing vulnerability is actually a strength in some ways I cant fully explain yet. But Orion has put himself out there so completely and authentically.. even his pain. I feel i must do it too now. he does not know me, but he is my friend and i feel so much empathy for him, i must contribute. haha and yes, my dog, Simba. He saved my life and i am forever grateful to him. I have had to look at my life differently after being diagnosed ASD. But having Simba almost feels like he expresses a lot of things for me where I cannot do it. We are extensions of each other in a way. He is not my best friend, but almost one of my organs.

[@meganoneal5840]

Your feelings are one hundred percent valid, Orion. I just want to tell you that you have such a gift at putting words to the autistic experience, and what you are doing for me and thousands of others is such an important contribution to the world . Your authentic voice is valuable in and of itself. You are making yourself vulnerable to communicate to the world what autism is in such a well reflected way, and you are excellent at what you do. Total opposite of useless. 😎

[@jennidesilva5995]

True!!!❤

[@theowlshowofficial9563]

Dude, this is your best video yet. All I can say is..."exactly". I was diagnosed several years ago. I don't have a wife and kid. I have a bunch of birdie buddies(who are probably "ornithaustic" or whatever 🙄). So getting out "content" or finishing my "book" is crazy difficult because birdies I suppose don't substitute for a wife and a kid. But hang in there(I'm actually telling myself that 🙄). We appreciate you. And Happy Father's Day. Here in America(Honolulu) today is Father's Day. Now if I can take my own advice I maybe possibly will be okay. 🐥❤️

[@can-dokids3831]

I never comment. Ever. I am always too scared. But this video spoke to the very core of me. Thank you for sharing your vulnerability so that the rest of us can feel less alone. Please take care of yourself, get some rest and know that you are an amazing person.

[@kayjay-kreations]

I am broken too but I know why, I have no one. I feel ya mate. I could never travel alone. Money money money the neurotypical world 🌎 I agree autism is becoming commercially driven and alot of neurotypical people cashing in on our troubles. Always nothing about us without us #actullyautistic Not many people care about others. Keep going Orion.

[@Y-Knott]

You've helped me. A LOT. I'm 36 yrs old, from Canada (french-canadian, pardon my english). A couple weeks ago, my girlfriend told me that I might be autistic, half-joking. I started REALLY thinking about it. Started with Google and some shady clickbait articles. Many online tests. Etc. THEN I FOUND YOUR CHANNEL. I CRIED ! You explained to me who I am. You changed my life. I'm getting answers to questions I've had about myself since my first year at preschool. I'm so grateful. Thank you sir, take care.❤

[@JonathanVachon777]

ah bien salut! quebecois ici aussi =D

[@jennidesilva5995]

Me 2 ❤

[@nancysmith8626]

Thank you for everything that you do and have done for this community! I'm so sorry you're going through this. Please take care, step back for a bit if you need to, and know that we all understand and support you.

[@orionkelly]

Thanks so much for your kindness and support.

[@niellstm]

Only thing I read again and again when in your head space is the following. Hope it will help: Once upon a time, there was an old man who used to go to the ocean to do his writing. He had a habit of walking on the beach every morning before he began his work. Early one morning, he was walking along the shore after a big storm had passed and found the vast beach littered with starfish as far as the eye could see, stretching in both directions. Off in the distance, the old man noticed a small boy approaching. As the boy walked, he paused every so often and as he grew closer, the man could see that he was occasionally bending down to pick up an object and throw it into the sea. The boy came closer still and the man called out, “Good morning! May I ask what it is that you are doing?” The young boy paused, looked up, and replied “Throwing starfish into the ocean. The tide has washed them up onto the beach and they can’t return to the sea by themselves,” the youth replied. “When the sun gets high, they will die, unless I throw them back into the water.” The old man replied, “But there must be tens of thousands of starfish on this beach. I’m afraid you won’t really be able to make much of a difference.” The boy bent down, picked up yet another starfish and threw it as far as he could into the ocean. Then he turned, smiled and said, “It made a difference to that one!”

[@chickpeamiso5280]

Omg…. On hold until the “appointment”….!!! This is debilitating!! Depressing!! 100% I. Get. It. Being used… humiliating… been there. Compounded draining….means melt down, shut down, burn out, dark place for a long time. Moral of the story: we have a way of stirring up Neurotypical entitlement and limitations. Upshot: your authentic rant is INVALUABLE. So sorry about the very real issues the book has created, but witnessing this process in your life is it’s own lesson to the self centered/oriented/ableist NT world. I’ll order a signed copy today🙏 You are the best, my friend 🤩

[@havenmotel]

As a recently diagnosed autistic who has just lost his marriage. I see you Orion. Thank you for making yourself be seen. Who you are, not what you have done means more to people (not just talking about youtube community) than you will ever possibly know or understand. and like others have said, It's ok not to be ok. Rest well.

[@igitha..._]

Can we make an autistic singles group? I'm not sure I could be partnered up with a neurotypical at this point!

[@atropos_thefate]

I don’t know if you are changing the world, but you certainly helped me. I just got my diagnosis yesterday, at 37. Watching you and other autistic content creators has made me feel so seen and to gain such an understanding of myself. I am so grateful for the hard work that you do with this channel. Take the time that you need; this community understands where you are coming from.

[@wendelleg2002]

This video is probably the BEST content you've put out there so far - because it's your real life. You don't need to do anything right now but rest, take care of yourself. You started this journey for your son and for yourself, and in the process you are genuinely helping others, yes. But take care of yourself first! Thank you for your sacrifices and especially for your honesty.

[@teradrew7555]

We have to rise from the ashes of our vulnerabilities over and over. It's exhausting. Like the Phoenix, we have no control over when the fire that will burn us down will ignite. But, rise again we will. As always. The burndown never gets easier and is always painful.

[@dumbdonny4824]

I have goosebumps from your comment. The comparison of autism and a phoenix really impacted me and I think i'm gonna hold on to that

[@JillianLusterMusic]

Most of my meltdowns today had the exact same theme. You're not alone.

[@kitglare8800]

Hi Orion, as a mum covering my son's mental anguish and being there for him has been my raison d,etre you owe yourself time to wrap yourself up and help yourself. The world is better. I have learnt so much from him, I was a nurse specialist who thought I had little to learn he taught me differently. He won't travel alone, he won't even leave the house by himself, you have had an anxiety making overload, that drains you. We are here for you, whether you stay in this sphere or find more stability to walk away. You are an amazing autistic person

[@haydenlee8332]

I am no content creator. I don’t have a book. I am not medically diagnosed of Autism… but THIS VIDEO IS BY FAR THE MOST RELATABLE VIDEO I’VE SEEN TODAY!!

[@zachparade2791]

Sorry Orion, As an autistic American, I know America can have this effect on people 😂. Honestly, sorry you are going through this. Wishing you the best! Take the time you need ✌️

[@RighteousBuns]

DUUUDE as the kids say, "fr fr"

[@Paulsmuse]

Sad but true. 😢

[@thaflowie]

know the feeling all to well, thankfully im a super analytic person so i always figure it out even if it takes a couple days and then i can work on it or just realize that i need to let some things go that i didnt even know i was working myself up with constantly.

[@leslieguthrie8761]

I just returned from a work conference where I gave a presentation. It was Wednesday afternoon and evening, all day Thursday until 830 pm and Friday morning. By Thursday evening I was so overwhelmed with sensory stimuli, over-socialization, and lack of sleep. I have been unable to sleep or eat normally since then, nauseous,, vomiting, dizzy, can't focus or think. It has been 4 days... In the past I would have believed it was because I was a crap human. But because of your content and other autistic content along with the diagnosis of my child I was recently diagnosed at 55 years old. This is shutdown/burnout from overwhelming circumstances. Thank you. And I get mis led and scammed frequently too.

[@autisticMargo]

I am autistic, I am thanking you for your advocacy. Because of your content, I have been able to navigate a myriad of things including disclosing at work, helping my autistic husband, and both of our kids are also autistic. The work you have done matters. It is there for people to learn from. If you need to take a break or do something else that is okay. If you need to adapt that is okay. You have already done so much for so many and like I said your work will continue to help the Cause. So do what you need to do and set boundaries and supports in your life and goals and expectations that are right for you. Take good care of yourself please.

[@kristyquill4021]

As someone who has just had 3 months off work due to burnout I understand you when you say you are broken and have nothing. Your desire to help other autistic people has helped me rebuild. You are helping others so much. You are not worthless you are priceless. Only you can contribute how you do for the autistic community with your unique and valuable skills and knowledge.

[@juliefore]

Hang in there. You are a better person than you think.

[@orionkelly]

Thanks so much for your kindness and support.

[@jenniferbaker9726]

WE ARE HERE FOR YOU YOU CAN VENT HERE WE UNDERSTAND HOW YOU FEEL.

[@kiranysauros7211]

Fuck we feel this so hard. Youre in the middle of it and hoping for your recovery and success

[@enigmaticx326]

Take care of yourself Orion. Your health has to come first. Autistic burnout is definitely a thing and I know from experience that work related travel can be exhausting. I will say that this channel has definitely helped me, and I find the honest take on things to be really refreshing.

[@MBLobster]

I love how raw, unscripted, and genuine this is. Hang in there, brother. Can’t appreciate the light unless we are reminded of what darkness is.

[@abomidog]

Sending love your way Orion 🩷

[@eddiemartin1671]

Great 👍

[@boman987]

Something I recently discovered is that I needed to do something really difficult that I knew would need time investment and slow progression. So I played Bloodborne and Jedi Survivor on whatever a difficult setting for me was. I accepted that I would “die” a lot, but I never viewed this as “failing”. Playing the game was the success. And I came to enjoy it. And it gave me some peace to have a short obsession. And if I wanted to ease the difficulty, I would just drop it, beat the boss, and bring it up again with no shame. I can do what I want. One other thought: I bet the trip actually gave perspective. I have a hard time with the “change” that comes from finishing something or coming home. In a weird way, once I accept a change, I like it. But when I return to normal, I struggle. Because the change wasn’t permanent. I also realized the world doesn’t have “a point” or “an apex” for me. There is not really a point. Just people running around being people. But I feel a need to “become” something “better” or “do” something “good for others”. But that doesn’t “progress” anything. Found your videos last week and it’s been the best thing for my wife and I. But we found all of your old videos. You’ve provided a lot right now in your channel, even if you don’t post a new thing or push push push. We will gain knowledge and have hours of discussion based on previous videos. So if you need a “break” to find a new obsession and then come back to “helping your son and others”, we won’t be twiddling our thumbs. We will continue to enjoy and learn from past work. And if you want to make a new video, then make a new video because of your agency, not because we need it or because you need it. But because you want to. If you ever come to the Midwest US again, I will be happy to drive up to 3 hours to show you around a place and meet at airport and be a travel buddy. I know how hard it can be, having visited both Australia and New Zealand in my life. I have a 3 year old and you are preparing me to help him through life. But again, your previous videos and book has helped me. If that’s all you create for me, it will be invaluable and I will share with everyone I can. And you’ve already helped your own son by what you’ve done. Maybe now is a time to enjoy and relax and see that positive. Self-celebration and rest for a moment. But then getting right back into the next obsessive thing. Like a short transition period.