How to Deal With a Narcissist with Dr. Peter Malinoski

Happy (almost) Thanksgiving! This channel is all about finding and living out the joy in Catholic life, and with the holidays coming up, I wanted to give you some tools for dealing with family members who may have narcissistic tendencies. It’s a helpful skill to have in your tool belt, especially this time of year!
I’m so excited to share this conversation with my guest, Dr. Peter Malinoski. He is a clinical psychologist who is an expert in loving people out of narcissism. We talk about how to identify a narcissist, how to heal from narcissism, and how to find healing if you’ve been hurt by a narcissist. My hope is that you’re able to use this episode to maintain a fresh perspective going into the holiday season, where you might find yourself in social situations where this will be helpful!
And as always, don’t forget to like and share this video with a friend and subscribe to our KZbin channel so that you never miss an episode of the Chris Stefanick Show!
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Listen to Dr. Malinoski's Podcast, The Interior Integration for Catholics Podcast: www.soulsandhearts.com/iic
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❤️ The episode was made possible by our Missionaries of Joy. To support this channel, visit reallifecatholic.com/moj/
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[@BrendenFlynn]

I just had divorce court with my wife. We have 6 small children, and she is a wicked narcissist. Completely ruined every aspect of my life. Except for my kids who I now have to fight for. Please pray for me.

[@alisascott7091]

🙏

[@sandrapatricia7944]

I will pray for your wife as well.

[@joanneshea749]

AMEN

[@gingerpickett6958]

I’m praying for your kids. Narcissistic parents can be really hurtful, especially to young children. As a child I was the temporary favorite of a toxic adult. It was confusing… they were destroying things I built with my friends wile being nice to only me. For all I know, if it had gone on, it might have eventually turned me into a narcissist. I wonder if I’d known how to recognize toxic grown-ups, if I would have been able to do something about it. If your wife is a narcissist, she probably will emotionally abuse your children. Unfortunately it’s hard to get legal protection because narcissists are pretty good at not doing questionable things where they can be seen (I know one narcissist who does all their yelling over the phone and not over text so that no evidence can be easily saved). I don’t know if giving your kids a buddy system or something would help them watch out for each other when they’re at their mom’s house; maybe if each one has a brother/sister who knows where they are, they can keep safe from some of the abuse by the threat of witness, or be witnesses for each other if she does something abusive or illegal. Maybe educating them about toxic patterns will help them avoid blaming themselves when their mom blames them for things that are not their fault. It’s really hard to protect your kids while also working, dealing with a narcissist, and healing from everything the narcissist did to hurt you. You can do this. I’ll be praying for you ❤

[@Marta-lh7is]

weeell...sometimes they deserve that 'bad rap' they are getting! Their behavior can be destructive, soul killing. And behavior is a choice! They choose to inflict pain, hurt, shame, on others- often the most vulnerable- children. So, yeah, they have earned the bad rap. Maybe you are talking about people with narcissistic tendencies; not so far down on the spectrum. But when you are raised by an absolute malignant narc!...Yes, pray for them and understand their core, get healing for yourself, but always remember true narcs are 'people of the lie'. They CHOOSE this way of dealing with their inner shame and feelings of worthlessness. They are also very resistant to therapy and change. Let's not minimize this disorder and think there is a 'fix'.

[@jeanb.5405]

I disagree - I have not known any of them to intentionally be harmful to people - careless yes - rude maybe at times, hurtful with their words and assumptions of what you meant by what you said or even didn't say, even extremely defensive as they eek out their teritory in a situation - but intentionally harmful? No. They have no idea why they are the way they are, so to say they chose it is to say it is not a disorder at all. I agree they can be soul killing by their ignorance of the feelings of others and their negativity but how we react to them is just as important to our health as how they act. When we can adjust our own behaviors we see more clearly the things that trigger them into these behaviors and if possible our changes within help them change - Maybe your Narc... had other mental issues in combination - sounds terrible for you and yours I am sorry you had to live through that.

[@Marta-lh7is]

Then you have never been raised/ lived with/ had a relationship with a malignant narc. On some level they have some awareness of what they are doing. It usually was done to them when they were young and this is their method of gaining control- to do it to others. But you are right in that they will not look deeply at themselves in an insightful way. They avoid this with all their defenses. You are lucky to have known only those with slight tendencies towards narcissism. We all have some narcissism. Those who are full blown do a great deal of damage.@@jeanb.5405

[@MJS2376]

A word to the wise: if you were raised by a person with NPD, go gray rock, pray for them, forgive them, and ask God to bring someone into their life who will love them into a healthy way of being. It is not your job to return to abuse - and regardless of how well-grounded or healed you think you may be, you will most likely fall back into your old dysfunctional dynamic. (The reason for this is because your entire nervous system, from childhood to when you left them, was built while you were in contact with them. It takes a long time to rebuild a nervous system! God understands! Of this I am sure!) Unless you sense God telling you to return to those relationships - loving yourself *and* loving them will mean *not* giving them another opportunity to sin against you. God bless - its a tough road! Been there have the t shirt. God has brought other npders into my life who I am able to love (hopefully to health)....I'm just not the one called to do this for my own sick family.

[@No8495]

You are 💯! "Narcissistic tendencies" are not the same as a full blown Sociopath or Dark Triad Victim Narcissist personality disorders.

[@lorrainem8234]

Absolutely! 🙏👊🙏

[@No8495]

I was married to a violent Sociopath Narcissist who hurt me to the point of death. I loved him as best I could for 23 years. They DO NOT RESPECT THEIR SUPPLY. No one can help a Narcissist. This isn't true. I was on a constant rollercoaster. They won't t even go to therapy and he blamed me for it all. I had to leave to save my life and my kids.

[@RealLifeCatholic]

I’m so sorry for what you went through. I added that intro for you. Sometimes you do have to self protect. There’s no shame in that. But then, let’s pray for him. There’s always hope for someone’s salvation before the end, because God is God. And hope for your heart’s healing.

[@Jennifer-gr7hn]

Often, and while this MD is right, there is always a strong imbalance with lack of attention to the bruised, battered, bleeding, scarred, traumatized.....empath. I've taken this route he's saying as I have the "gift" of understanding and the more genuine and understanding I am, the worse and more manipulative and painful my sibling's behaviors are, and my parents protected her and not me. I'm glad you put this comment here because they didn't have remorse, nor humility. Meanwhile, the lonely, abused victims like us, we are in the therapy for repair. Prayers

[@No8495]

​@@RealLifeCatholicthank you so much. I did see that but it's the whole thing that is wrong. I wish I could see the studies from the doctor because Narcissist like the one I was married to are victim covert narcissist. It's demonic and they blame everyone else for their own behavior. Therapy won't help them because they refuse to go. It's the man at the well when Jesus ask him "do you want to be healed?" I received my Annulment because personality disorders are a reason for divorce. He's remarried and I've never even dated because of trust issues he caused. This is not a light subject. He destroyed my life and 8 kids I've done my best to get back in my feet but my trust is still not there. There is no cure for this but I'm safe and sane in my own home and I can pray for him and I do forgive him by the grace of God. I love your work Chris! Especially Father Ripperger interviews. I was dealing with demonic oppression with this kind of evil. God Bless you.

[@No8495]

​@@Jennifer-gr7hnthank you😊

[@No8495]

​@@RealLifeCatholicChris I realize you're not trying to hurt anyone and this talk was helpful for a Narcissist in the workplace or a family member who we don't see much. This is good information but it's not the reality for victims of Narcissistic abuse. The problem lies in when I tried to save my marriage, I only had one priest encourage me to leave, the rest told me to suffer it and that's what I did for 23 years. You cannot worship another. Trying to please a Narcissist abuser as a former Co-Dependant is a form of idol worship. We are not called to live in a Spirit of fear nor are we to live in "a yoke of slavery." God told me this in Scripture through my healing in prayer after I left and divorced. He also gave me Matthew 18:15-17. (That's how tax-collectors were treated they would not have anymore to do with them). Thanks for listening. 😊 God has done great things in my life of healing and has shown great Mercy to me. I am free and I am healed. Peace and Joy to you Chris!

[@foxflower9560]

As a daughter of a narcissistic mother, the idea that the narcissist has never been seen, known, or loved by anyone doesn’t sit well with me. A child does love their parent unconditionally. A child does not have boundaries, though, so I understand how that element is crucial as the relationship grows. I found this video difficult to watch. I left feeling overwhelmingly guilty that if I just loved my mother more, was more patient with her, if I didn’t react to her abuse, then she would be "cured". A professional psychologist, like Dr. Peter, should be the only type of person who attempts that. Praying for her is something I can definitely do more of.

[@Marta-lh7is]

it felt a little like 'blaming the victim' to me. Chris (and this Dr.) might not have any idea how malevolent a narc can be. Some (most?) strongly narcissistic persons are not that far from sociopathy- they have NO empathy and they can actually feel amusement at your pain.

[@jeanb.5405]

Its the Narcissists perception not that they were not seen known or loved - but that they percieve it that way. That is how my Narc is exactly. But maybe it was nothing to do with you why your mom was a Narc... maybe it was her mom, or people in her life before yo were ever thought of.

[@elperinasoswa6772]

He's talking about in their formative years. That's when the damage is done. Not thereafter.

[@BendedKnee]

As a daughter of a narcissistic mother I am with you and feel your pain. I’ve only realized for a few years (I’m in my 60s) that she is NPD. My mother is also approaching 90 so there are senior brain issues that add to the difficulties of interacting with her. A great book I read “The Narcissist in your Life” really helped me understand her. The author says that emotionally they are children with the cunning of an adult. I had thought for years that maybe my mother had never really grown up and the book confirmed that. From what my mother says I know she did not feel loved by her parents as a child. I did laugh (sadly) when I read “cunning of an adult” because that so describes my mother. I also believe there is probably nothing you can do to make someone with NPD happy as they will always, ALWAYS, find a way to interpret it negatively. I do pity her and have been praying for her for many years. I will be heading to Dr Malinoski’s podcast to listen to the ones on narcissim.

[@MJS2376]

A word to the wise: if you were raised by a person with NPD, go gray rock, pray for them, forgive them, and ask God to bring someone into their life who will love them into a healthy way of being. It is not your job to return to abuse - and regardless of how well-grounded or healed you think you may be, you will most likely fall back into your old dysfunctional dynamic. Unless you sense God telling you to return to those relationships - loving yourself *and* loving them will mean *not* giving them another opportunity to sin against you. God bless - its a tough road! Been there have the t shirt. God has brought other npders into my life who I am able to love (hopefully to health)....I'm just not the one called to do this for my own sick family.

[@rvosler]

I have to say that this is one of the best interviews I’ve heard about narcissism. I’m on A quest to forgive my ex-wife for her narcissistic tendencies and this really helps. All the crap on social media demonizes them and this just makes it easier to forgive her. I still pray everyday for her and her kids for healing as well as for me because I had a part in break up as well. Thanks Chris for doing this.

[@RealLifeCatholic]

Thx for your “realness”. And the heroic holiness you probably aren’t even aware you have. “On a quest to forgive…” How beautiful. May more join you in this quest. Myself included

[@leonafanning8566]

Narcissists are evil Abusers of the highest order. I'm the survivor of 6ft heavy male narcissist Partner. He tried to make amends with a view to more by saying '"I'm not the devil". I was speechless. Narcissists fail to realise that abused women & children can sense the narcissist' s mood from anywhere in the home. BEST THING IS PRAY FOR THEM, forgive and more importantly let go of the INJUSTICE of the abuse. Fr Ripperger has this one nailed in 9ne of his videos. God bless all the survivors as it's a really long road to recovery. Trust your intuition and the red flags I believe it is God trying to you safe. ⚓🙏⚓

[@dianap9183]

Hi, whats the name of the fr Rippergers video on narcissism

[@julieelizabeth4856]

I've also heard of instances where a child was overly coddled, catered to, and could do no wrong. They also turn out to be narcissists. How can two completely different backgrounds produce the same personality disorder?

[@janeldryan7466]

In an ideal world, yes, but in the real world, the person most closely associated with the narc has suffered emotional abuse that makes them naturally the wrong person to do any of this. There is no way for me to try to heal my mother. It’s just not my role or position. She will always look at me as beneath her and will never allow herself to be vulnerable and honest with me. Too much time being abused while trying and wishing for a change. No-contact, prayers for her and healing of my own self are the only and best tools available to me.

[@andio98]

I actually made this discovery 💡 yesterday when dealing with a narcissist in my life. Now I see him as how our Lord sees him.

[@gailschuldner2974]

Wow! Thanks for this topic!! My mother, God rest her soul, was a narcissist and I'm still coming to terms with how she treated me as a child and all my life. I'm at the point where I have forgiven her because I know she couldn't get the help she needed ($$$) and she just made the best life for herself that she could. She "injured" my dad, my brother and me. My poor dad had no idea what the problem was, my brother left our family many years' ago, and I'm praying that God takes her to Heaven, because she knew not what she did.🙏🏻🙏🏻❤️

[@maicajapanmoments]

Honestly I’ve been praying as well for my mom but I’ve never had that idea of praying for God to take them to heaven…thanks for the tip..

[@martinarett3460]

I can pretty well relate. My brother was always “the golden child “. He doesn’t see it and suffers too. Just pray for them.

[@janierodriguez3017]

Another fantastic interview. Thank you 😊 💓

[@KnightGeneral]

10:37 Sadly this happened to my Narc Mom, brother and sister but they’re still the same. They were so loved but that love that they received, they abuse it. And the person that gave them so much love, they abused her so bad. They never changed. I saw it all my life with my grandparents too. They’re still Narcs when they died. They do show to the people around them that they’re good people but its only for show. They can only be saved truly with God’s Mercy. For their victims, heal yourselves. If possible, heal yourselves away from the Narcs in your life. Im in no contact with my family for months now and it is one of the best time of my life. Im healing. Thank God for people who work with Narc Victims.

[@praveenpanna629]

My experience: They need therapy! You are not equipped to handle the damages they can make. Stay away, pray and love them them from a distance.

[@Jennifer-gr7hn]

They need the therapy 99% of the time, do not go!

[@angiecajka6712]

My mother; my daughter. I've listened to many experts. My mother: malignant/cover. My daughter: covert...mother of my 3 grandaughters. 💖💖💖 My mother has dementia... I care for her...the personality does not leave. Most family cannot see it ..they are the best actors. Image means All. My daughter...can cut me off from my grands... and they have a way of brainwashing those that care about you. I Pray Daily...mostly for this generational curse to be broken...and that this be lifted from my daughter. I believe she was genetically predisposed. They also can fool anybyhetapust. Master liars... they do believe their own lies. 😔🙏🏻🙏🏻

[@kimkocuba8215]

😢 i am a "survivor" of an N dad and he never changed so my wall has been up for a full year. It's sad at holidays, but you even said, "I'm uncomfortable just thinking about it." I get physically ill thinking about it. This is so sad and so needed. I want to understand so I can pray for him. I saved the podcast, too, so I will be listening. I was totally triggered, but I needed to hear this in a safe place. I love that he said to be grounded and then can deal better. I am healing, and maybe someday i can open a screen door in the wall. 😉Thanks guys

[@janeldryan7466]

You’re not alone. Right there with you. When it’s your parent it is SO hard. You feel so rotten that taking care of yourself and your own healing means distancing yourself from them. That’s all I can do to avoid getting taken advantage of. This video did help remind me of the hole in their heart. But I need to take care of my heart first.

[@veritas220]

@@janeldryan7466 -- same here, ladies. I took a chance watching this and I was glad I did. I am in the same place you are: I have to maintain some distance and boundaries, but this really helped me remember I can still pray for her.

[@maudefalcone4713]

A therapeutic approach may well be fruitful in a therapeutic setting with a trained therapist but I wonder if "Christian Love" really demands that we all adopt that role with the narcissists in our lives. Yes, we want to be compassionate and keep in mind that narcissists, along with everyone else, come from a place of pain but, at the same time, humility would seem to require also acknowledging that it's not our job to fix people and we probably couldn't if we were so inclined. Unless we're therapists. In which case, it is our job and should go for it, using all the tools at our disposal. 😀

[@Marta-lh7is]

ask any therapist- narcs do not benefit from therapy. They cannot admit they need it or need to change. They are eternal victims.

[@MJS2376]

A word to the wise: if you were raised by a person with NPD, go gray rock, pray for them, forgive them, and ask God to bring someone into their life who will love them into a healthy way of being. It is not your job to return to abuse - and regardless of how well-grounded or healed you think you may be, you will most likely fall back into your old dysfunctional dynamic. Unless you sense God telling you to return to those relationships - loving yourself *and* loving them will mean *not* giving them another opportunity to sin against you. God bless - its a tough road! Been there have the t shirt. God has brought other npders into my life who I am able to love (hopefully to health)....I'm just not the one called to do this for my own sick family.

[@paularodrigues275]

This is a problem my siblings and I have dealt with all our lives as well as my mother. My dad is impossible to be around. He is angry 24/7 and offends everyone. He believes he is the greatest human on this earth meanwhile, no one likes him. I pray and ask God to soften my dads heart so that I can be there to help him as he grows older.🙏❤

[@dineshb9591]

Thank you Chris. Really loved this interview. It helped me understand myself much better and the reasons for my narcissism . Dr. Peter described me to the core and made me realise how difficult I can make things for people around me. I took my traits of Idealisation & Devaluations as being bipolar. Good to hear that there is hope

[@Angela-uh1je]

You can't set limits and boundaries because they violate them against your will. It's like rape. I tried all the "Lord, what should I learn from this, and help me love them, etc." I'm disappointed that this interview didn't include or even really acknowledge the demonic, narcississtic abuse that the victims of narcissists suffer. It the worst experience I've ever encountered in my 54 years and it was by an employer and using coworkers as flying monkeys. It was extremely destructive and could have destroyed my career if not for the fact that the employer actually ended up commiting a crime against me (and so did one of the coworkers) and I held the evidence, so it was difficult f I this employer to destroy my reputation for leaving. I'm not a psychologist, but a victim of narcissistic abuse and my suggestion is try to keep grounded until they hang themselves and then make your exit quickly with evidence in hand. Too much sympathy for evil in this interview and nothing for the actual victims. I had a rough childhood too, so that's no excuse. Love them from a distance simply by not retaliating.

[@sandrapatricia7944]

Very wise words, thanks.

[@jwolsk2]

I agree, too much sympathy in the area of actual sin/ evil. Woundedness plus pride equals sin

[@leenasanderson6739]

Thank you, I'm so glad you made that point. This interview is actually potentially dangerous by essentially stating that the 'right' person, the ' Christian morally decent person' would simply 'love' the narcissist back to being a decent human being. Whilst I agree that childhood trauma can be overcome with love, in those individuals who have narcisstic tendencies whereby they may momentarily act childishly or behave like a bully, and can carefully be brought to understand the impact of their actions on those around them and be shown how to get their needs addressed in healthy ways. However, this is NOT what a person with the actual disorder of NPD. Such individuals that will plot, plan, scheme the downfall of the very people they claim to love. They are committed to stealing lying and cheating and are not even capable of showing care for their own young. (Which let's face it, even crocs are great mothers). You can love such an individual to death, your death, there is nothing in there to reflect that love back. No spark to ignite. They are dead inside and the emptiness can not be filled. I pity them. Their existence must be unimaginably lonely and painful. I release them to God and pray he show them mercy.

[@michellek6533]

Love the prayer, "Dear Lord, show me what you want me to learn…"

[@pennygillmore8352]

This is a dangerous interview. The doctor doesn’t seem to ever have lived with a narcissist. The lying and extreme manipulation are not corrected with love. This causes the abuse to escalate. I’m not ‘triggered’, just very concerned about this bad information. My sister is a malignant, covert narcissist who wants to destroy and possibly end my life, and NO, she isn’t that way because of a lack of love and nurturing or because of a traumatic upbringing. We were both raised in the same loving, involved family. Please check yourself before causing harm to people who are in dangerous relationships. Please.

[@kristeandreatujague7016]

Narcissists are energy vampires. They are ruinous, they are told, and do not change. 💙

[@clouddancer46]

Finally a talk I can listen to that is compassionate and kind and does not demoralize or objectify or label a human being. Thank you. Thank you for your studies and your prayers and your work

[@jeanb.5405]

Ok so he told me all I need to know which is a confirmation of what I have learned over the years and mostly a confirmation of what I have learned through much prayer via inspriation, Work on Yourself your own security your own interior space and even your own issues first! Let go of the little things that really in the end, don't matter - ie don't fuss about everything they screw up on hold as a secret though it is ridiculous, don't evaluate them to them but on occasion you bet - give them the whited seplicur response. Its easy to blame the narcissit for you losing your temper but it is not their fault its your own. Pray for Temperance. I have always looked to myself to see what am I doing what could I do differently within myself before trying to see how they need to change but when it comes to a narcissist you can get lost and so overwhelmed in the gas lit moments you forget to do that. One thing I have learned to do over the years (been blessed to do) is to dissacociate from the outrageous gas lighting in regards to the outbursts of negative comments and tellilng me what I really said when I never used any words to remotely indicate the outcome they concluded... and then pray.

[@christm.a]

I grow up with NPD mother, may God rest her soul. My npd sister won't allow me to see my nephew, even though they missed me and my husband. Because i didn't do what she asked while i was still fighting for my baby live in the womb. My npd sister in law smear campaign my husband because we leave. Mentally we are happier know, but still worry about their soul and people who suffers their abuse.

[@angelagonzales6774]

💯

[@patriciaissa7935]

I have seen my BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER go down the narcissistic road over the past 20 years……and it has been soooooooo painful for me …….and I am sure for her as well. 😒😌😞😔

[@Jennifer-gr7hn]

I recommend counseling for you too. I had to. Prayer is not alone, enough.

[@wishIwuzskiing]

There is the ideal and then there is the uniqueness of each relationship dynamic. In my situation, my ex did a lot of emotional damage to our kids even though I tried to protect them as best I could. I do pray for her for her healing if nothing else than for the benefit of her relationship with our children. 24 years of trying to love her and help her to see that there is another way and she was determined to deflect it all and be deliberately cruel. Again, this is my particular situation.

[@oliviascolorfulcreations1169]

Thank you, thank you, for this. God bless you, Chris and Peter.

[@kathyoleen]

Thank you so much. I have been struggling with my oldest son for years. I’ve been praying and researching how to best handle what feels like abuse not just to me but to all his family, his dad and siblings. He leashes out at every conversation where now his siblings do not want to talk to him. His response always we do not value him. He brings up early childhood memories it feels to hurt me. I try talking, I apologize, I explain. Nothing works. His anger breaks me and I have to stop and end our conversations. God knows I was not a perfect parent. I made huge mistakes for which I have confessed and asked for forgiveness.

[@mhbrazda]

Just listening to this podcast gives me anxiety. We have a 42 yo daughter who has these traits along with some borderline traits. Wow, puberty going forward was crushing. Conflict, anorexia, bulimia bad boyfriends, bad choices. I could go on and on. Please get someone to talk to that you trust on every level. You need help. I was an anxious mess and always angry with her. It didn’t work. ❤She ran away and married a seemingly nice person that 5 years later divorced. They never should have married. She went to nursing school and now is successful and also remarried to someone who loves her in spite of herself. She does love him. Still, we can’t be together without her stirring some pot. It’s a real pain. At 75, she still can’t intimidate us. God has helped us survive, and she lives 8 hrs away. This man - psychologist is over the top Catholic and a wonderful person to give advice. Search out an expert. Don’t give up. Don’t take the bait. If he starts to confront you, kindly excuse yourself until he can be calm. They will attack if allowed. Realizing how empty and hurt they are inside would have been good to know But it’s very clear to me now. God bless you. Pray to St Dymphna, stay close to Mother Mary. Go to Mass frequently.

[@joanhaselman444]

I did too, but let us keep on trusting God, because He can heal so very much.

[@annettealrand9736]

This was one of the best shows I’ve ever seen so informative thank you very much

[@Lorraine152]

As a therapist, I love how he ties the saints into the internal family systems therapy and psychology and loving yourself. I wish I could be this brilliant ❤

[@maicajapanmoments]

Thanks so much for this topic. As a testimonial one time a loved one and I are arguing and my loved one is saying names. i just mumbled “praise the Lord” until my Loved one suddenly asked “what are you saying?!” In an elevated voice “Praise the Lord! is what I said!” And my loved one shut up and calmed down 😅

[@christiweber8201]

Chris - I cannot tell you how much I needed to hear this (and before the holidays). I had a falling out with a family member who is struggling with this very issue, and I had to withdraw from the situation. This gives me practical tools to use to start the healing process. What's even scarier for me is the realization of those tendencies that have been transmitted to me, and I can see them in my own life. Thank you so much for this grace. 😊

[@RealLifeCatholic]

I think we all see these tendencies in ourselves. This interview says to me “don’t run - let Jesus sit with you in the darkness.” Good to be with you in it! Keep it up.

[@joanhaselman444]

Yes, I am 72 years old and unraveling this with family issues. I was a narcissist until I found out what it was, and I still have to watch myself. My parents were married 10 times, both were narcissists, and they didn't have much time for raising their children, being focused on their own lives consistently. Then of course I married a man whose family background is just as difficult, but being Catholic, without all of the divorces. However, we have been married, by the Grace of God for 52 years, and here I am just beginning to unpack the source of our difficult dynamics. I am so grateful to our God who never gives up on His hurting children.

[@martinarett3460]

It is a struggle in itself to be able to find a name for psychology behaviour such a person displays. As a child of a parent like this, through childhood you think it’s normal. But as an adult the behaviour intensifies. As a child we are not given a manual to know how to respond to a parent who is so emotionally abusive. Being kind to them just makes it even worse. The weight of guilt is very heavy. You can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped. This has been helpful for me and I appreciate the Catholic references.

[@AdZS848]

I love a narcissist unconditionally, and he destroyed me. I had to stop going to mass because he can't stand thinking someone other than him has priority in my life.

[@veronica_._._._]

God is not "someone", is what he is fatally failing to understand. He could never crack that private inner relationship or even fathom it. The worst thing about narcissists is this weird need to strip you of every social financial and spiritual support, and all privacy. They are "asset strippers" and we are "a stash." I go for instance go for a "daily walk" that just happens to include church etc. l see all my friends outside. I gave all my savings away to this family member l currently live with and was caretaking their/our house, whilst they worked away, and l gave my own house to another family member. I now have to move out because of my "lack of "extreme left wing politics" - abut also my deep and nuanced understanding of them is "inconvenient" tho l strove to avoid the topic. (my understanding was ironically deeper than the person holding these new to them and simplistic views) (I was unconsciously trying to financially compensate my children for their terrifying malignant narc father's impact, l realise now) I would not have survived all this without my faith, but my motto now is "compassion - from behind a barrier" No one who hasn't faced the implacable narc. no matter how qualified or experienced they are, no one can understand the narcs primitive rage, and then their emptiness and absence post rage, and how both are equally terrifying to be a captive of. A psychologist or any helpful bystander do not understand the captive/tyrant dynamic, with all due respect to this channel. They have never been captive. However l shall now watch this simply because l have learnt to glean strategies from anywhere and everywhere. But God is everything to me now. Narcs may never "age out" and the vulnerable will be "punished" by other victims, not the unassailable and insane narc. they are still feared. However, God may change their hearts and l must learn to protect myself 1st. I just prayed for you.

[@mariac4602]

I am so grateful for hearing you provide a hopeful outlook because whenever I have heard about that particular condition, it never sat right that these folks would be utterly incapable of being healed. That never sat right to me as a Catholic. I think this is such a great doorway for other conditions that have been labeled incurable or incapable of being healed. God bless you and your world!

[@joanhaselman444]

Amen, I know it was by the Grace of God that I found this podcast at this time. Our God is so good.

[@gregcollicott1368]

Narcissism is a personality disorder. Once a person allows themselves to be possessed by this self absorbed mindset I don't believe you can convince narcissists they have bad behavior. It's like trying to convince Satan that he's wrong. You're not going to do it no matter how much love you give them. They need an illumination of conscience by the Holy Spirit.

[@SBL19681]

Thanks! I will pray to the Holy Spirit to help! God bless!

[@Jennifer-gr7hn]

yeah, because it's not just "uncle" narc...it's like you said, everywhere. And when you're an empath with c-ptsd due to them, chronically. I know how to love..but for my mental and physical health, which I lost my life in 2020..I had no choice to finally detach with love from them. We need skills, tools, etc, thanks :)

[@lorainwauters669]

But that lack of empathy on their part. From my experience it's a fact that they just don't have it and anything that looks like empathy from the outside is just a manipulation on their part. I can't wrap my head around that. It always feels like I have to be constantly vigilant and not let my guard down. It's exhausting.

[@dorispolidano2993]

Very, very interesting and eye opening Chris. I was identifying with someone in my family throughout the podcast.

[@fashion010101]

Loving Narsisist doesn't work at all, they discard people who love them anyway!

[@gailconlon9507]

YES!!!! Let them come to the awareness of being LOVED! 💖🎁💖😘🕊

[@TheConorconor]

Fantastic! My wife has been counselling for some time over an issue with this in her family. This has been really helpful. Thank you Gentlemen!

[@misbehavens]

This is so good! I want everything that Dr. Malinoski has to offer on this topic!

[@paxchristi1661]

Thank you for this guys.

[@cml2176]

Yay! Dr. Pete!

[@ash5033938337]

Awesome

[@normafarrar]

Really needed to listen to that.

[@Michelle_wald]

Such great advice.

[@lauriestaltari7107]

Ha ha Chris love your energy. I needed this and I totally get in and needed this so much.

[@sheilakelly3061]

Thank you and God bless you

[@mimisheean3411]

I had the great misfortune of falling in love with a narcissist. Of course I didn’t know that going in or I would’ve run the other way. Years later I’m still trying to come to terms with what happened. Still, I can’t bring myself to hate him because ultimately he is the one with the horrible life, not me. I dislike all the videos on KZbin demonizing these people, because as the doctor says, they didn’t ask for this condition and they pay a huge price for this. That said, I would never get involved with another narcissist, the price is just too great and it’s certainly not worth it.

[@TakingBacktheTerms]

Thank you so much for bringing this conversation and awareness to us!!

[@bettypulis9764]

Sooo much in this that is helpful in my life! Than you!

[@susanlajoie5085]

Great talk🎉

[@alicemuhoza]

Yes! Dr. Peter is amazing

[@pattirhode824]

These people (narcissists) can rip your world apart and be very proud of themselves for doing so. Be very careful with these folks. Never seen a narcissist willing to enter therapy…..

[@MJS2376]

A word to the wise: if you were raised by a person with NPD, go gray rock, pray for them, forgive them, and ask God to bring someone into their life who will love them into a healthy way of being. It is not your job to return to abuse - and regardless of how well-grounded or healed you think you may be, you will most likely fall back into your old dysfunctional dynamic. (The reason for this is because your entire nervous system, from childhood to when you left them, was built while you were in contact with them. It takes a long time to rebuild a nervous system! God understands! Of this I am sure!) Unless you sense God telling you to return to those relationships - loving yourself *and* loving them will mean *not* giving them another opportunity to sin against you. God bless - its a tough road! Been there have the t shirt. God has brought other npders into my life who I am able to love (hopefully to health)....I'm just not the one called to do this for my own sick family.

[@user-dz5gf7fv6c]

Great show Chris❤

[@sheilavosen-shorten]

I need this and have been working on it with limited tools for several years. Protecting self with love is not easy. Thank you for this video and also for the "Living Joy" package and sockramentals! I've started reading the Joy book again even though I participated in the joy class on line in 2021. Thank you for your persistence and creativity!😇

[@LizethSandoval006]

Muchas gracias por este video, muy informativo 😊

[@MrsAngelala]

Thank you so much for this. Over the past year I've been encountering a lot of info about narcissism as I tried to make sense of totally senseless behaviors from people who treated me and my family really, really badly. There was so much about narcissism that fit. But people displaying narcissistic behaviors are typically vilified and blamed in the public forums where I was encountering the info - and I could just see SO MUCH brokenness, it was heartbreaking. I don't want to condemn these people, I want to love them and work for their healing, even though they're long gone. I was thrilled to see the title of this video. Thank you.

[@kristinwannemuehler9757]

Pete!! Great father, friend, and psychologist from Indianapolis!!!

[@user-gq8yf1ok4o]

Kristin! Great to hear from you!

[@blueanina1975]

thanks for this, chris. integrity is so important and having the scientific grounded in our catholic faith is so powerful. sharing this video to all i know. God bless you!

[@Jennifer-gr7hn]

Aaaaand yet again, I say....every one needs therapy! HUMILITY makes that happen. Narcissists are not the only ones who were not heard, who were abused, neglected, gaslit, etc Every one needs help. Few in the Church think this relates to them.

[@gemmapollard5460]

My ex husband and daughter are both ASD and covert narcissists… or are they? Are there correlations with ASD and narcissistic tendencies? Can you get Dr Peter to discuss covert narcissists? Very difficult when they present as oh so loving and wonderful to the world but not towards me.

[@josephl6289]

Narcissism is a biologically-based illness, as are all personality disorders. The literature is exact on this fact. Narcisstic Personality Disorder, among others, are notoriously difficult to treat and overwhelmingly end in failure. Personality disorders are not simply cognitive or learned mechanisms, they are the the absence or defect of crucial modules of thinking, feeling and perceiving... they are as malleable as autism or any other inherited personality/developmental deficit -- which is near 0 (outside of rudimentary masking or other techniques for day-to-day coping).

[@TheMaximumsecurity]

In a society where narcissists are treated like the a contagious disease, this just confirms that our Lord died for everyone. It’s difficult to love a person with such tendencies but kindness truly heals a person. And that’s how we grow to love ourselves and truely become saints. Thank you again.

[@josephl6289]

Ur naive. Personality disorders are not amenable to recovery. The literature is solid on this fact. If someone "recovers" from a personality disorder, it was a misdiagnosis, which happens all the time in my field.

[@clouddancer46]

​@@josephl6289I mean this in the most respectful way and not to argue but this is simply not true what they're saying is absolutely correct. You can heal from personality disorders. Especially if they are caused by complex trauma if you work hard and you work through it you can heal.

[@beckypadulo4888]

Thanking you, thanking God for this information. I’m taking care of my 91 year old mom, narcissistic tendencies most definitely, and this was just so helpful, and hopeful. Thanks again, God bless you all!

[@markkenny4658]

On INSTVGRVM

[@markkenny4658]

Hooks_crack

[@mariasusanadelapiedra5474]

Hi Chris! Thanks for this. Can we have spanish subtitles for this one?

[@TH3MANWITHAPERM]

I am a covert narcissist - i am self entitled, arrogant but totally insecure and feel i have no identity. I see this in myself and dont know if its possible for me to change. I want to change so I dont completely destroy my life. Someone please guide me how

[@truegirl2anna]

Frick yeah!!! Chris stefanick with his own show/podcast?!?

[@kerriehermans370]

Amen 🙏

[@fanofmansbestfriend]

I'm surprised by Chris' take on the narcissist being the child when more often than not it's the parents.

[@veronica_._._._]

Heads up, the Doctors website is overwhelmed, showing 503.

[@nannykiki]

A narcissist seeking therapy is usually not happening.

[@amberbirchard4437]

I don’t agree with this. I’ve loved my narcissist and loved him fully. It did not heal him and there’s no chance of it.

[@janet6379]

Do narcissists sometimes try to buy love? Can they have a tendency to become hoarders? How does a person heal from the childhood emotional abuse from a narcissist?

[@foxflower9560]

Yes thru try to buy love. This is called "Love Bombing". "Hoovering" can be similar, but hoovering is used to bring you back in where love bombing is used to initially hook you. The hoarding may come from their own childhood trauma. Narcissists are made, not born, and it's usually from repeated trauma as a child. You need to go to therapy for Narcissistic Abuse. Read books. Watch videos. Learn as much as you can about the subject, so you can develop boundaries, begin healing, and recognize the bad behavioral patterns in the future that a Narc will display, so you can navigate them without loosing your mind. Good luck, you've got this.

[@Jennifer-gr7hn]

Funny, the narcs in my family, caused ME the traumas and pretend it was them. Nope. @@foxflower9560

[@lisam919]

Not trying to be disrespectful, but NAME ONE CURED NARCISSIST.

[@tappanzee3490]

We all have it coming, Kid. -- Clint Eastwood -- Unforgiven

[@tothier]

Please bring Jan Storm and Robert Hare to your studio ❤❤❤❤❤

[@dorothyswol6979]

Chris what if you have difficulty loving yourself?

[@jeanb.5405]

You know the Angels love us with perfection even though they see day to day our most base disgusting ways - they do this because of their Love for God - We belong to God and God loves us so For His Sake they love us. This taught me to love myself. Lord I love you - and for this reason I choose to forgive myself, and, Lord I love you and for this reason I choose to love myself for love of you. These prayers have beenn most helpful and inspiring in my life. You are worth being loved by God therefor you have no right actually not to love you too. God Bless.

[@jwolsk2]

Narcissistic people are only in marriages/relationships with empathetic, codependent people. In my opinion, you didn't address the crippling codependency that "keeps" the relationship going. The empathetic person will listen to this interview, not understand being grounded, self protection, boundaries, and out of Desperation (bc the narcissist is so, so harmful and destructive) have hope that if they only understand their family member and treat them perfectly enough the other person will heal and Stop. I hope the next segments spend more time protecting the people narcissists traumatize and abuse and sitting with an recognizing what they've been through. They are just as unaware as the narcissist. If you're going to spend time explaining how to love the narcissist in my opinion you need to spend more ample time explaining how to love yourself. This is all very difficult and alienating and my opinion is you need to give the victims more air time.

[@gabrielleg8794]

You never engage with a narcissist bully that is a waist of time and energy. There are many versets about the wicked and foolish men in the Bible concerning such toxic profile personality one of them is: don't wrestle with bigs.. Get those versets that will help you to keep collected and not give a foot to the devil to destroy you.

[@clouddancer46]

I'd like to see this done again with borderline.

[@dianapack2963]

Can that be similar to split personality disorder?

[@Jennifer-gr7hn]

worse

[@dianapack2963]

@@Jennifer-gr7hn Thank you for replying God bless 🙏✝️

[@clouddancer46]

Honestly I feel this is almost true with the borderline I really do think this is the same treatment would be helpful.

[@writer89]

What if the narcissist is a priest ?

[@Jennifer-gr7hn]

Happens often - the love of power

[@youtubeKathy]

can you do how to love the sociopath in your life next.

[@cynthiahellsten5362]

Helpful video! I have a family member who also seems to be a sociopath and would love to see a video on how to deal with that.

[@PhilipShawn]

"emptiness?"

[@williamamor9612]

1 Tim 6:3 If any man teach otherwise, and consent not to wholesome words, even the words of our Lord Jesus Christ, and to the doctrine which is according to godliness; 4He is proud, knowing nothing, but doting about questions and strifes of words, whereof cometh envy, strife, railings, evil surmisings, 5Perverse disputings of men of corrupt minds, and destitute of the truth, supposing that gain is godliness: from such withdraw thyself. John 8:15 Ye judge after the flesh; I judge no man. Behold! God is not mocked! What u sow u shall reap. Many suppose that gain is godliness: from such withdraw thyself. No 1 knows what its like to be in yer shoes... No one knows but 1 what yer heart decided when you heard John 3:16 fer the first time. I respect most all ya'll's choice to be anti-christ...that, and I bind it as you reject John 3:16. My prayer for you...may Our Maker deliver the desires of every man's heart...yes, even so...May he that is unjust, let him be unjust still: and he which is filthy, let him be filthy still: And...fer the few chosen...good fer you...Jesus loving you and never will let you go...you will be hated and despised of all men...they will kick you out of churches...your own household are your enemies...you hate even yer own life for His sake...the truth and life matters...JesuschristiscomeinDAflesh May the righteous remain righteous...holy remain Holy... Amen! Glory to God Alone!

[@xuancarloshdz]

Disagree. Can't wait or hope for them to change. They do lots of DAMAGE.

[@hkforme816]

Someone requesting another to get "their" pronouns right, is that a narcissist?

[@williamamor9612]

Php 3:12 Not as though I had already attained, either were already perfect: but I follow after, if that I may apprehend that for which also I am apprehended of Christ Jesus. John 15:1 I am the true vine, and my Father is the husbandman. 2Every branch in me that beareth not fruit he taketh away: and every branch that beareth fruit, he PURGETH it, that it may bring forth more fruit. 3Now ye are CLEAN through the word which I have spoken unto you. 4Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, except it abide in the vine; no more can ye, except ye abide in me. 5I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing. 6If a man abide not in me, he is cast forth as a branch, and is withered; and men gather them, and cast them into the fire, and they are burned. 7If ye abide in me, and my words abide in you, ye shall ask what ye will, and it shall be done unto you. 8Herein is my Father glorified, that ye bear much fruit; so shall ye be my disciples. 9As the Father hath loved me, so have I loved you: continue ye in my love. 10If ye keep my commandments, ye shall abide in my love; even as I have kept my Father's commandments, and abide in his love. 11These things have I spoken unto you, that my joy might remain in you, and that your joy might be full.

[@Lorraine152]

I wonder what he thinks of Dr Ramani?? @DoctorRamani

[@clouddancer46]

Now I'm curious of what you think of her..

[@Lorraine152]

@@clouddancer46 I like a lot of her stuff. Not sure how I feel about her stance on “managing” the narcissist

[@cozyhomemakingvibes]

Wow. Thank you. This is REALLY important work. 🩵🤍♥️