How to deal with resistance to the term 'Nonviolent Communication'

'"Nonviolent Communication"?...but I'm not a violent person!' Have you heard this kind of reaction to the term Nonviolent Communication? Or maybe you have resistance or confusion around the term yourself? Check this video to find out how to deal with any unpleasant emotions that the name often brings. And maybe you have suggestions for a new name? Let me know in the comments of the video!
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#nonviolentcommunication #NVC #cupofempathy #Mariannevandijk

[@CupofEmpathy]

Let me know what you think of the term "Nonviolent Communication"!

[@Johansebastion]

Cup of Empathy non-violent is a judgment which is actually quite ironic haha

[@n.s.6913]

“NVC” rolls off the tongue easily but I only use that name with people who are already familiar with NVC. If I mention NVC to a newbie I will refer to it as Compassion Communication. To answer your question from the video, I do personally think NVC needs a name change so that more people will be open to it.

[@wandaad]

I prefer to call it peaceful communication. Or connecting clarity?

[@irinachakraborty262]

Maybe "connecting communication" as the goal is always connection.

[@andredomanski7545]

My gold nuggets of this video: Term "ahimsa" by Gandhi: do not cause harm. 1. You can not use NVC and still be empathic. 2. You can use NVC and not be empathic. 3. It's about a mindset. It's a way of living.

[@klaasjehaasje]

I like to use giraffe language, a language of the heart.

[@bloooeyes3]

non violent communication causes folk to look quizzically at me when i explain it 😆 I like "Communicating with Connection" or (as i saw in a comment below) "Hearing & Responding Communication". I also like your short videos - thank you x

[@andredomanski7545]

Loving to catch up to the videos that I couldn't watch because of my crazy hurried college and internship days. Thanks for helping spread a language of compassion :)

[@meaganfischer4011]

Listening to the piece about ahimsa and using negation to describe something that is 'too big,' I am also reminded of the idea that our natural state is empathetic, compassionate, honest. So it doesn't need to be described with a specific word, it's just 'being' and then the 'non' comes in to indicate that nothing is added to that (such as judgments etc).

[@CupofEmpathy]

I like that!!

[@jasonrambler4353]

I have accepted the phrase based on it origin with Marshall...however for me an alternate is intriguing. My suggestion would be.... Collaborative communication.

[@CupofEmpathy]

I like that Jason, I think Ive heard of it before.

[@CoryTyler]

I’ve pondered the phrases “New Talk” & “Clarity Communication”.

[@CupofEmpathy]

eww I like those Cory! Nice to see your face again. I really like both your suggestions. So much creativity here about this, I love it!

[@jeanenright9631]

Hi, I really like Jason’s suggestion of “Collaborative Communication”, that is exactly what it is! I understand why Marshall used the term Non- Violent so we could always notice the domination alive in our societies. But it does not help draw people in to the method.

[@CupofEmpathy]

Yes exactly..thanks for your input!

[@Ellie-qq9zm]

It also reminds me of Ross Greene’s term “Collaborative and Proactive Solutions or Collaborative Problem Solving” It is a way of problem solving that implements elements of NVC to solve problems. I think Collaborative Communication is a good term to use in place of Nonviolent Communication

[@diamoneRa9]

How do you uncover your “intention”? There is a feeling of judgement of me that often appears in my work as a youth development trainer. I’m often heard as critical - even judging. I think it is decreasing as I continue in the development of NVC practices at the school where I work. I love how you unpacked the meaning of the words NVC. I wasn’t aware of its connection to the 8 limbs of yoga - Ahisma. I like the wording because it’s challenging as is the process. “Verbal Connection”

[@veinicios]

Even when I'm struggling to connect with people being 'violent' or 'aggressive' at me while they're talking, I have to say that NVC helps me feel more confident to talk and speak my mind, because since I read Marshall Rosenberg's book I started being more responsible on what I feel, judge, need and want, and then how to assertivelly communicate it. That's why I am really grateful for Rosenberg's knowledges. That's why I like to think NVC as Assertive Communication. Also I understand that this name does not mean the 'Assertive Understanding', I mean, the way of being empathic at someone else's needs and feelings. So, as I said before, I struggle at trying to connect with people being hard on me and I would like to have some help on this. I would like to see a video of you sharing your thoughts about this and more. I would like to suggest 'How to connect to someone being harsh at you?' as theme for a new video. I'm really grateful for your words and inspirational channel. Thank you! (English isn't my first language and I apologise for my mistakes.)

[@CupofEmpathy]

thanks for the suggestion!

[@mayranush]

I've never used it before. I've never even questioned the term "Nonviolent Communication" before but video was very convincing and I felt the urge to come up with a new term at least for my own use and I just tried to put together words you mentioned in the video. For now that was the one I liked the most but I'm open for other suggestions.

[@lindapotter4741]

My husband and I think the Sanskrit word, Ahimsah, would be perfect. The person inquiring wouldn´t have put any interpretation of his own onto the word like he/she might do with Non-Violent Communication. Of course people might wonder if you have to do it while sitting in the Lotus position. hahahaha

[@CupofEmpathy]

hahaha oh Linda that thought is funny! And I like your way of thinking about this, thanking for co-creating with all of us!

[@tilmanvogel2387]

I seem to remember some other approach to communication being called that, but I like "transparent communication" a lot. It comprises both the awareness of myself, i.e. my connection to my own feelings and needs, as well as the clarity in the communication with the other. "Mindful communication" kind of does the same, but I guess implying that others, at some instance, communicate "mindlessly" is more triggering then implying they might not communicate transparently. Thanks for this video, I have thought about this a lot and this helped clear things up!

[@CupofEmpathy]

Hi Tilman, Im delighted to hear this video helped clear things up. And I like transparent communication, thanks for your addition to this conversation!

[@jennifergreydanus8660]

Love your passion & enthusiasm for this topic. Also congratulations on almost 5K subscribers. So happy your work is gaining traction. 🙏

[@CupofEmpathy]

Oh me too Jennifer Im so happy about that! Thanks for being one of the supporters!

[@soggydiamond]

This woman is really adorable. I've loved NVC the moment I learned about it.

[@shannonabernathey2372]

Nonviolent Communication is a little bit problematic to explain to others. "Compassionate Communication" was mentioned as an optional phrase that's used to describe the process in Marshall's 2nd edition of NVC Communication: A Language of Life.

[@CupofEmpathy]

Yes I like that one too! Thank you Shannon!

[@MiaSkywalker]

I absolutely agree with all you said in your video about the term "nonviolent communication" I made the experience that it can by very misleading for a lot of people who hear or read about it the first time. I met people who came to the conclusion, that it is (only) about the words you use when you talk to somebody, since it is a way of "communication", like you already mentioned in your video. English isn´t my first language, so it hard for me to come up with a particularly precise english term. I mostly use german language in my life. When I try to explain to people, what "Nonviolent Communication" is I usually do it by discribing it as a needs-oriented and cooperation-oriented way of interaction or sometimes as empathic interaction. If I can I avoid the official term NVC until I explained what attitude stands behind it.

[@CupofEmpathy]

Thanks for your response Mia and the info that you have the same experience!

[@sylviekaiser1064]

RHC- real human connection

[@CupofEmpathy]

love it!

[@robst247]

I agree that NonViolent Communication is confusing and misleading. I believe "empathic hearing and responding" (EHR) would be a clearer, more positive and more helpful name. In my work as an integrative therapist/counselor/coach with individuals and couples, I emphasize the crucial distinction between, on the one hand, REACTING (that is, getting negatively triggered and subconsciously/automatically engaging a coping strategy that is usually counterproductive) or, on the other hand, RESPONDING (that is, consciously choosing to be there caringly for the other person, like a first responder in an emergency). Also, I emphasize the difference between LISTENING and HEARING. You can listen to the other's messages but still not HEAR what is most important to him/her. Hearing means consciously deciding not to focus on the cognitive (i.e. interpretations, judgements and assumptions, which are often negatively biased) but on the other person's core/primary emotion(s) and unmet need(s). Instead of NVC, EHR. Great video, by the way, I love the calm, sweet and enthusiastic way you deliver these crucially important messages to love-and-compassion-hungry humanity. :-)

[@CupofEmpathy]

Thanks for the appreciation and YES I like those distinctions you're making, indeed crucial, I might make a video about that some day!

[@robst247]

@@CupofEmpathy I eagerly await all your new contributions designed to make humans more humane. :-)

[@luciaengel3]

Dear Marianne, if I feel into what NVC means to me; 'Base, or Core Communication' comes up (or more cool; Touch Base Communications (-;) I believe the communication Marshall Rosenberg goes right to the base, to the core of what communication is all about; to love. I believe it is a communication we ALL have to learn to be human. It is what loves, what connects, builds, what nurtures us. I use NVC daily, as a basis in my relationships I have with myself. I printed the Needslist, ánd the Feelingslist on Golden paper. If I connect with these 2 lists (I ask myself what my Needs, and what my Feelings are) I find direction in my life and in my relationships. Needs are the air of our soul. Feelings are our compass in life. It is based at the base of our existence. Without these lists I was asleep. I was hurting a lot of people and I felt practically lived in hell, emotional-wise ánd relationship-wise.

[@CupofEmpathy]

I love your suggestion and the reason behind it Lucia. It's so inspiring to read all your suggestions, it's like getting to know you through this!

[@patpaufler]

me too, i do not like the term. in german i call it: bedürfnis bewußte kommunikation, which is needs conscious communication

[@decredico6]

Naked Vibrant Connection? Lol...I’m kidding but seriously, I’d love to come up with something using the NVC letters...Needs Valuing Consciousness...Natural Values Connecting...nothing seems quite right...help anyone?

[@wilkensgarance]

« Needs Valuing Connection » , still NVC could be great I think. I never felt it myself but noticed A LOT of people react directly against the name and are unable to open their minds to it because of the name. It wouldn’t work in French to keep the existing initials though, as needs is « besoin » > connection valorisant les besoins (CVB) instead of communication non-violente (CNV)

[@CupofEmpathy]

Oh I love your creativity!! It makes me smile. And I like the idea to keep the NVC letters. 'Needs valuing Consciousness' does not sound bad at all!! May be the best I heard so far.

[@mayranush]

how about "mindful connection"?

[@CupofEmpathy]

I like it Mariam! have you used that before or just came up with it?

[@keshakellogg5995]

I like that term as well!

[@freekdejong2017]

You might wanna check out Ido Portals vision and practise of movement. If you look beyond the difficult movements he makes, it's like non-violent communication through the body. To let ones body move following what you feel, think, and like :-)

[@CupofEmpathy]

Interesting! I have heard of him before from a movement coach I had!

[@ernestjones1038]

Wow. Any name seems to only bring out an aspect of it. But the result is that it misses other aspects that are no less important.

[@CupofEmpathy]

Thank you for your care for that Ernest, to capture ALL of it.

[@freekdejong2017]

Verbindende communicatie or connective communication? :-)

[@Jona19824]

Engaging or Connecting Communication

[@CupofEmpathy]

thanks Jonathan!