How to Elope Without Offending Family

Ya'll, this is probably one of the hardest things couples face when planning an elopement - how to elope without offending family, friends, loved ones, etc. I totally understand. We are at a time where the trend is shifting away from big traditional weddings for everyone and more and more people are choosing to have a celebration that aligns more with your values. But unfortunately our culture still has a hold on the wedding day experience and traditions and people want to be a part of them.
In this video I go over a few different ideas on how to appease family members in ways that will feel good to everyone, and even give you some exact quotes to use to hopefully navigate the conversation in the best direction possible. I've listed those below to copy and paste into your own notes if you want them!
But always remember, we can't control other peoples reactions. We just have to be as true to ourselves as possible, respectful of their feelings, and move forward in hopes it will all work out. So if your family, friends, or loved ones don't react the way you want them to right away, I hope they will eventually come around. The main thing is to do what YOU won't regret, to create a wedding experience you love and value.
Cheers,
Kathryn
HELPFUL CONVERSATION LEADER QUOTES:
“We love you and value the important part you play in our lives together, but we want our wedding experience to be just for us”
“We don’t know how to invite anyone without inviting everyone, and so in order to not offend others we are going to keep our elopement to just the two of us.”
“We won’t be having anyone with us during our elopement day, but we want you to be a part of the celebration another way/day…”
OR
Ask them for their preference if you’re open to it and that feels like a good option for you all : “We have chosen to have an elopement that is just the two of us for our wedding celebration. Are there any particular experiences/feelings/traditions of a wedding that you were looking forward to celebrating with us? I’d love to find ways that we can still celebrate our marriage with you that feel good to both of us.”
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[@HermaeusM]

It honestly feels scammy to pay thousands just to throw a huge party for people lol. Me and my fiance aren’t willing to pay, and we aren’t asking our parents to pay either because we care about them. No way. Seems so odd to me. Put that money into a house where you can live, and love each other for a lifetime ❤

[@morenike41]

And invest the rest in real estate, gold, business and other things!!!

[@evergreenerafilmphoto2962]

I like to leave it up to people to follow what they want for themselves - and therefore I 100% support you in doing what feels best for you! Put that money into a house and get married in a way that sounds fun and worthy!

[@eddiexhey]

The concept of people getting mad because someone wants to get married privately is weird business.

[@Daddywiseclussy]

Wanna talk to my in laws?

[@Gsquared310]

What if you want to offend them?

[@michbenny1363]

Our families wanted a large wedding and were willing to spend over $15,000. We reluctantly said yes and then declined when they started to become controlling about everything. It almost became about them. They were insistent and ended up spending almost $20,000 by the time it was said and done against our wishes. We just eloped 3 weeks before the wedding without anyone knowing and returned. There still harsh feelings due to not being at the wedding and the cost of everything lost, but then again sometimes eloping is the best decision. It really simplifies things.

[@evergreenerafilmphoto2962]

I'm so inspired that you were able to change your plans after realizing you weren't going to enjoy your wedding experience, allowing you to do what was best for you! I hope your story and this video inspire more people to start making those decisions even earlier so they can set expectations from the beginning with family members! Everyone deserves a wedding day they enjoy!

[@noahquiles5791]

I’ve seen (second-hand) the kind of emotional damage that can happen when someone *else* is way more financially or emotionally invested in the wedding day than the actual couple. It’s tough to get over the emotional barrier that sets itself up in that case… don’t cave in to what even your “closest” family or friends think is best….. do what will keep you and your partner in the healthiest, happiest state together, and just remember that any kind of negative feedback is coming from someone who isn’t part of the couple.

[@kristinbeazley6538]

Thank you for this video! I am the mother of a newly engaged daughter. She, too is an introvert, but is marrying an extrovert. Your video is a good support for her ideas which are difficult for her to express to others wanting her to have a traditional wedding ceremony. This video is much appreciated.

[@kristinbeazley6538]

Thank uou. Separated family systems these days complicate weddings and my daughter is an introvert who will benefit knowing that other people more and more are looking for acceptable and meaningful new ways to create a wonderful wedding . New trafitions are definitely in irder for today's culture.

[@evergreenerafilmphoto2962]

Absolutely! I just want more encouragement for people to do what is best for them

[@ultraintuitive8774]

It was about us therefore we kept the focus on us only. Today was the day that we cemented us against the world. This wasn't a gathering for other ppl. The new Mzs Wolf agrees. My true half, what's mine is hers, what's hers is mine. Today is a new day. No regrets. ❤❤❤❤❤

[@monachopsis5622]

I'm not even in a relationship but I'd love to elope & hope yo meet a gentleman who'd be open to it ❤

[@evergreenerafilmphoto2962]

I'll send good vibes for you out into the universe to find your person to elope with!

[@UneakTershai]

Thank you for this. I really have to be okay not letting their feelings effect my choice to elope. 💕✨

[@evergreenerafilmphoto2962]

I know it's a difficult thing to allow other people to feel their feelings if they are not positive. But it's such a powerful life skill - you've got this and you deserve a wedding day of your dreams!

[@spacecowgirl9587]

My husband and i eloped for personal reasons. The week or less before we did he told his parents and they didnt care they understood why we were and didnt bother us. But when i had my mom bring me my birth certificate and i told her she went through the 7 stages of greif before my eyes. She cryed, pleaded, tryed to negotiate for me to not do it. I was firm shot down her ideas. She left crying went home and told her husband. My life has been hell since and its almost been a year. I dont regret eloping i just regret telling her why. So if anyone can learn from my atory is only tell the ones you trust wont make it about them. Thats pretty much what they have been doing for an entire year.

[@justcurious2267]

@Spacecowgirl. Please, please, please I need advice on how you handled this, you can write an essay long reply, but it must include how you dealt with your mom pre and post wedding, tips and things to look out for. I wish there was a self-help book on how to elope and dealing with your mother's expectations on this.

[@spacecowgirl9587]

@just curious my advise is stay firm, No means just that No. It wasn't easy she, spent my whole life forcing me to do things I didn't want. After the elopement she acted like nothing happened, and was in full on wedding planner mode, all because my husband and I had said we were planning on having a small ceremony with friends and family. For that I would say keep her on an info diet, it's what I should have done. My mom would afton use the phrase are you trying to make me cry if I was firm on a decision. Stay firm on the decision you made tell her your word and hubby's is final. If she wants to act like a spoiled child cause oh no daughter dearest won't let me plan her wedding let her.

[@justcurious2267]

@@spacecowgirl9587 Thank you so much you just described how I think my mother will act, should that moment come which is probably very soon. I needed a voice of reason here, because I fear being emotionally manipulated in to doing things I do not like, as well as guilt trap which does not make any sense. Why should I feel guilty for doing something that I want to do, that will not bring anyone harm. I would not mind if they were to point out red flags from the potential spouse, but if there is none then my opinion in what I want to do should be respected. Thank you so, so, so much, youtubers are not relating to my concerns.🤗🤗🤗😌

[@spacecowgirl9587]

@just curious I'm sorry that you're going through this, I'm going to warn you it's not going to be easy. It's so hard to be firm and keep the boundaries you set, especially if they don't respect it I had my husband's support through out the whole thing. I hope you are looking to your partner for support.

[@justcurious2267]

@@spacecowgirl9587 Hmm " partner not yet" but the conversation around the whole marriage thing have started slowly in the past 6 years. To slowly get my mother to be comfortable with the idea of me getting married. However, the talks about theeee day are getting serious and what I want in regard to this matter, and I can tell should tomorrow I find a potential proposal it is not going to be a good day for some people. Sadly, it is time now. no slow adulting.🤷 everything will eventually sort itself out thank you.

[@juicycouturecollectionsam3473]

I'm dealing with no one being interested in celebrating us but they like to voice their opinions.

[@evergreenerafilmphoto2962]

Shoot, I'm sure you're not alone in that! Hopefully you're able to just let those opinions slide right around you and keep focused on what you two want for your celebration. 🥰 You got this!

[@Vegginessa]

So helpful! Thank you a lot

[@evergreenerafilmphoto2962]

I'm so happy it was helpful - my pleasure.

[@yardiegyal86]

My family doesn't even know I have a new guy. He wants us to get married next month 😮

[@evergreenerafilmphoto2962]

Oh shoot! Do you want to get married next month?😆

[@ksormon1]

If the family is not willing/able to help financially then how could they get offended?

[@evergreenerafilmphoto2962]

People have lots of desires that aren't related to finances... which are still worthy of consideration and respect but also shouldn't define what you do!

[@ksormon1]

@@evergreenerafilmphoto2962 well I meant how could they get offended if you can't afford a traditional wedding and they can't help you either? And at the same time family and relatives tend to nudge you to get married asap and if you decide to save money and wait a few years it's a problem too. And personally I would rather save money for a house or something of actual substance rather than an overpriced party. I'm not judging anyone who decides to have one, for some people it's very important, but to me it's crazy to sacrifice years worth of labor for one event.

[@angelcarroll2926]

I want to wear a dress when I get married but neither of us like being the center of attention for any length of time and I really just want our son to be there no one else. But my grandma wants to be our officiant and I scared to break her heart

[@GracieNadine]

We eloped and I am very close to my grandmother. I don’t regret it for a second. Our reception dinner with family is on Saturday. It’s still the best decision we ever made. The day is about you and your person, no one else.