How To End Criticism In Your Marriage | Dr. John Gottman's 4 Horsemen Of The Apocalypse

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Күн бұрын

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@thequestess 3 жыл бұрын

My trouble is that my spouse feels criticized by any little thing. I usually don't say anything, but if it's something chronic, sometimes I will. "Honey, this is supposed to be handwashed, it's not dishwasher safe." And suddenly he's feeling like he can't do anything right. I don't say a thing when he's taking a really roundabout long way in the car to get somewhere. Sometimes he asks me if he's doing a good job at something, and if I say anything other than yes (like it I say he's pretty good but could use a little improvement), he's right into that place of feeling like a failure. I'm not going to outright lie to him, but I will skirt things or just not mention them because he will guaranteed take it way too personally. Instead, I either live with it (like his choice of route), or I do it myself (like I wash the hand dishes immediately instead of leaving them on the counter to end up being put in the dishwasher - but that only works for dishes I use, so one day I'll be replacing the dish after it's been dishwashed too many times). This doesn't seem like the optimal way to operate in a marriage, but the alternative is him ending up in a bad place emotionally. (He has past history with harsh criticism, so I know it's a trigger thing for him.)

@TheGrowthMarriage 3 жыл бұрын

I've got a few videos coming out next week that I think will be helpful for your situation. Keep an eye out for anything with Jennifer Finlayson-Fife on my channel.

@thequestess 3 жыл бұрын

@@TheGrowthMarriage It's so funny, I basically gave a preview here for your next video. Anyone out there know what I'm talking about above? Then check out the second video in this series.

@lavernemusic 7 ай бұрын

But what if there's constant Complaining and Criticism?

@SuperPhoenix1971 3 ай бұрын

My partner's criticism is constant. The stuff he comes at me with is astoundingly imaginative and left field. Or Its stuff he's done and forgotten about. Its constant, its exhausting and I'm done. I said to him today after another tantrum. "You really don't like me at all do you" I've told him I'm moving out, I've started looking for somewhere by my self. I'm tired of trying.

@brqbui 2 ай бұрын

In addition to "you always" and "you never", they may bring things crucial to your growth, like your parents, your occupational training, etc.

@QuietmindYoga 2 жыл бұрын

Just found your channel today and the videos are very helpful. Best videos I found on defensiveness & criticism. Even better explanations than I’ve heard from the Gottmans at times. Subscribed!

@TheGrowthMarriage 2 жыл бұрын

Wow, thanks! That means a lot.

@KathyBourne 10 ай бұрын

Nate is absolutely fantastic. He speaks with such depth. Best marriage podcast I have ever heard. Thank you Nate

@grafxgrl8030 Жыл бұрын

Criticism can be accompanied by you are or you aren’t, too.

@themightykabool 15 күн бұрын

"fundamental" good one.... not sure how it will be received by my parnter. but that's how i see it.

@dfkulbeth 3 жыл бұрын

Nate, these perspectives are such wise counsel. Thank you!

@TheGrowthMarriage 3 жыл бұрын

So glad you're finding them helpful!

@themightykabool 15 күн бұрын

2:09 "leads to next week's topic" hellooooo looks like i'm watching videos out of order (pertaining to my comment on the as mentioned future, past, video)

@YoBeAwesome 5 ай бұрын

Great videos

@halah.2073 3 жыл бұрын

Very valuable advice 🙏

@TheGrowthMarriage 3 жыл бұрын

You have excellent taste if I do say so myself. 😉

@halah.2073 3 жыл бұрын

@@TheGrowthMarriage I agree! Haha

@zjw5 6 ай бұрын

What if they give you like 5+ complaints at once?

@rivkahreed Жыл бұрын

Thank you for these videos. They are very educational as well as gentle to the audience and the partner of the audience.

@TheGrowthMarriage 11 ай бұрын

What a great compliment. Thank you.

@glasshousefuture6836 Жыл бұрын

Did you mean to say those really disrespectful words that hurts my feelings? Will you please try to say that again in a more kind way and in a way that expresses the specific issue you're upset about?