How to Fake Your Way to Stardom | Tales From the Bottle

A lighthearted episode of Tales From the Bottle that follows the adventures of a man from Brazil who find out how to live the high life by marketing himself ingeniously.
"Carlos Henrique Raposo (born 2 April 1963), commonly known as Carlos Kaiser, is a Brazilian former footballer who played as a striker, better known as being a "farce footballer". He was selected to play with many teams in his decade-long career, but never actually played a regulation game and hid his limited ability with injuries, frequent team changes and other ruses."
More on Wikipedia:
en.wikipedia.o...)
Merch: teespring.com/...
Patreon: / qxir
Twitter: / qxiryt
Discord: / discord

[@Qxir]

I noticed someone created a Qxir subreddit, so go join that: www.reddit.com/r/Qxir/ Merch: teespring.com/stores/qxir Patreon: www.patreon.com/qxir Twitter: twitter.com/QxirYT Discord: discord.gg/jZzvvwJ

[@MichelleWatkins2]

Nice video

[@Autconscipatheonive]

Good video!

[@pepitocuentos5276]

Qxir u are competent I love your channel

[@inserisciunnome]

"I Will be calling this soccer only to annoy english ppl" Me, a good but NOT native english speaker Who didn't even know soccer was football, during the ENTIRETY of the video: *Why are we still here.. Just... To suffer...*

[@squishypiano8249]

Penis Man

[@swagerdager6931]

Basically, he just maxed out charisma.

[@Qxir]

Devs need to rebalance mechanics, football skill currently obsolete.

[@christinabriggs6675]

@@Qxir don’t worry he got patched

[@Shadowkiller-dq2ju]

Speech 100

[@josh656]

Don’t forget machismo

[@Illegalfreedom420]

Literally all his points went into talking

[@gaabeey9230]

He's probably not the world's greatest conman and actual world's greatest conman has never been found out about because that's how good of a conman he is.

[@mazocco]

Looks like a president to me

[@HandsomeLongshanks]

Idk, the man who sold the eiffel tower twice on the same day (iirc) is probably the best con man.

[@PaulRudd1941]

@@HandsomeLongshanks that was a good one for sure.

[@Vooman]

@@HandsomeLongshanks Ah, Victor Lustig. That man is among the ranks of people that I would say deserves both a Tales From The Bottle and a Mad Lads

[@dr.coomer789]

I dont understand.

[@CharlesVeitch]

As a Brazilian born in Rio I am very proud of this man. Stroker of the century

[@circesoul2218]

Respect should be given when it's deserved

[@jucalebre7540]

Hello fellow brazilian :)

[@lightningonlycommentsonce5824]

A Brazilian glorifying a scumbag? Why am I not shocked.

[@SatanasExMachina]

@@lightningonlycommentsonce5824 Oof. The rainforest must be on fire again, because that's a serious burn.

[@bitchwormpuddin1499]

@@lightningonlycommentsonce5824 dude

[@bladesmith5927]

"he no longer wanted to not play soccer, and retired"

[@friedrichgerster1583]

He wants to die because he was broken before the game starts

[@friedrichgerster1583]

Its just madness not a game..

[@olsaaan]

I nearly spat out my drink when he said that

[@TheJttv]

Damn I got scammed. Guess i'll just have to continue watching to figure out what your game is.

[@StillConfusing]

"This is really just to piss of the english" thank you for the new life motto

[@williamhayes2479]

I instantly liked the video after hearing that

[@Qxir]

It's actually a George Washington quote

[@Tonks143]

What about the Scottish :(

[@StillConfusing]

@@Tonks143 There ok, I guess, unless they say "I'm english"

[@Tonks143]

@@StillConfusing Bruh you're the only confused one here

[@promiscuouscrab4040]

A man who didn’t do anything got everything and upon retiring from doing nothing taught people how to do the things he never did.

[@shyropierbins3367]

poetry

[@burtonfzz]

You just described lot of fishermen I known 🤣 Don’t know why they spend so much time talking about fish, going fishing, and never actually fishing, its usually 100 level charisma move to go drink with extra decadent note admiring nature and sometime company (not always). One guy been caught talking too much about fishing and going fishing and drinking but didn’t even got a fishing 🎣 rod 🤣 And no one seen him even holding one. P.s. my comment have a lot of alcohol component in it and you might get a feelings like I talking about Ireland, but I’m not :) never been there at the moment of 2023. My stories are from Russia 🤣🤣🤣 But after watching a video with story about with burning river of whiskey and dead people of alcohol poisoning, Im no longer sure that Russian people drink the same 🤔 After all I never seen russian drinking vodka like its soda (russians always drink it as shots) but people in Europe, UK and USA do drink vodka as long drink which is discussing btw.

[@StevioGaming1]

Thank you for ending world hunger this year Qxir

[@Qxir]

Thanks but I'll put it back if people don't buy this merch

[@StevioGaming1]

@@Qxir damn I can't live without my food, better get a shirt just to be safe

[@griffspeed]

@@Qxir Is the Merch edible.??? ;)

[@jellyminy9113]

@@griffspeed everything is edible, but some things you can only eat once

[@RyanPowerhouse]

I'm the 100th like. What do I win. Lol

[@JackFroster]

Haha, he thinks we think he's competent...

[@Qxir]

:)

[@Timbobjr]

Oof

[@stomyed22]

we're just here for your knowledge,qxir

[@michaelwalsh6276]

No, he used glibness.

[@RealTheCrasher8]

You think that I think that he thinks that you think that we think he’s competent. Well... then. He must be competent.

[@gregthomson2299]

I’ve never heard of the guy but what a legend. Played for over 10 years. I heard he could play on the right wing to left back with equal skill and consistency- being just as capable in his first game as he was in his last. He never played dirty (only one sending off in his whole career for an off the pitch incident), never made a mistake or squandered an opportunity on the field!🤣

[@zach4582]

This is the epitome of “Fake it ‘till you make it.”

[@DANTHETUBEMAN]

he missherd that as fake it till you fake it,, lol 😆

[@ArcFixer]

His motto was "Faking it is making it."

[@rompevuevitos222]

Fake it so good you don't even HAVE to make it.

[@aster1sk294]

When you start your fallout game with 10 charisma and tag speech

[@juliandavidhoffer2022]

Incredible. I wish I could not do things and work my way to the top of not doing them.

[@Qxir]

I should have just pretended to be a KZbinr and racked up those sponsorships...

[@juliandavidhoffer2022]

Qxir Hell yeah man, that’s the spirit!

[@circesoul2218]

He's an inspiration

[@rogeriolisto]

I know a thew English man that do just that so I returned home.... BRAZIL...

[@gregmartin1757]

This guy is a hero he didn't let his lack of ability stop him from living his dream.

[@PatchworkRose567]

This man maxed his charisma out and rolled 20s in every interaction he stumbled upon.

[@aquilleswinkler5051]

20 was written on every side

[@rompevuevitos222]

Divination half ling be like

[@jucalebre7540]

I’m from Brazil and never heard about this guy. What a legend

[@rustedtooth3015]

Time to become a scam artist

[@Qxir]

Way ahead of you

[@tek4]

It's a art not a skill

[@cancercentral9997]

Rusted Tooth Your profile picture matches your comment quite well.

[@doug4317]

@@tek4 Rusted tooth said it's time to become a scam artist, not a skilled scammer. What's your point?

[@Smile4theKillCam456]

@@tek4 an* an*

[@freen773]

Soccer is theoretically english. The upper class typically used fancy words for really no good reason. Soccer stems from asoccer meaning, if i remember correctly, association football.

[@ayeyefookinw0tm859]

freen I read somewhere that the original name was soccer but then changed to football

[@freen773]

@@ayeyefookinw0tm859 the youtube channel name explain made a video on it. Haven't looked it up again but i am pretty sure it became soccer later. Pretty good video if you want to check it out.

[@hedgehog3180]

@@freen773 It happens fairly often that the US will preserve older words for things that then get replaced in England. I think in this case though it's also an international thing, no other language has the word "soccer" and given that most other countries didn't have anything they were already calling football that seemed like the obvious word and since France was the one to create FIFA that probably lead to England which never stopped caring about it to adopt the name football. However in the US where Football was already taken (though in the early 20th century I think it was called grid iron) and which also never really cared much about international football the word soccer stuck around since obviously nothing else was gonna claim that name. It's just leading to confusion now that the internet exists and also since football is becoming more popular in America.

[@y_fam_goeglyd]

It's just the same as rugby where it got known as "rugger". Soccer is definitely a shortened form of asSOCiation football (or probably "footer" lol. That's not meant to be serious but it wouldn't surprise me if it's true).

[@jackryan2612]

The thing is I don't even know what he's on about, everyone in Ireland calls it soccer because "football" is used when you're talking about Gaelic Football

[@MrBlitzpunk]

"he decided that he's no longer wanted to not play soccer... So he retired" Doesn't that mean he still wanted to not play soccer?

[@MrLastlived]

The negatives cancel, so it means he wanted to play soccer. Probably why he went to teaching soccer instead of not playing it.

[@dbensdrawinvids8390]

"This is really just to piss off the English." If there is any better way to ingratiate yourself to an American, I don't know of it.

[@toglife67]

You are a legend. you pick the best stories. And you tell the story like a legend

[@Qxir]

Another successful scam

[@gamesux420]

He has so much charisma i already love this guy just by hearing his of blunders

[@brianz7362]

Entertaining video, Merry Christmas Qxir!

[@Qxir]

Merry Christmas

[@dungeonrat]

You are really, really good! You have a great future if you choose a career in narration. Great sense humor, combined with a deadpan style of delivery; brother I am one American that has been hooked! Great work!

[@Dominion69420]

>When a player in DND keeps getting nat 20s

[@guerra_dos_bichos]

Kaiser is the name of a popular cheap beer, there's where his nickname comes from (the beer is named after the title)

[@airindiana]

As an Englishman it pissed me off so much I threw my coffee at the toaster. As an act of flouncing I’m going to carry on watching all your videos 😂

[@scann5183]

"just to piss off the English" I'm English and hey fair play 🤣🤣

[@bobthompson4319]

Theres also a female Olympic skier who basically did the same thing. She qualified for the Olympics by not falling down and completing the run.

[@fighterck6241]

Oh yeah I remember her. She gamed the rules and qualified. Her showing at the games was absolutely a joke,but she's technically an Olympian.

[@fighterck6241]

Elizabeth Swaney.

[@fighterck6241]

She was an American with. Hungarian passport through one of her grandparents. She qualified because Hungary basically had no athletes in that particular event.

[@midievalcat7770]

Agility: 2 Charisma: 9

[@cgguto]

as a brazilian, born in Pará, it is realy funny seeing people in england/usa sayng brazilian name lol, never heard of this guy, some strong carsima there!

[@SpicyTexan64]

As an Amerian, it's funny hearing Brazilians saying English names so there.

[@TheRobel333]

It feels like a holiday when my favorite KZbinr uploads one of these odd stories!

[@JustinBrown-km3ij]

That is the best plug I've ever heard on KZbin. I love your storytelling man. Every single video has been interesting and made me laugh at some point. Keep being saucy man.

[@deepbluesea1887]

I like your vids, been binge watching. Very funny, and entertaining, some stories I knew, but most I did not. Thanks I feel like a new man!

[@johnbakerface]

Btw, your merch is by far my favorite, and I unfortunately follow hundreds on this platform, good job not puttin out crap!

[@JamesFromTexas]

160k to 458k subscribers in a year! Great job man!

[@cableryge]

You deserve more views you're the best Irish KZbinr

[@DuoDogs]

Enjoy your drawings, your stories, your thoughts, and thanks for clearing up the mystery of your "accent". Never heard of the Pogues nor Mr McGowan, and to be frank I could understand almost nothing of his singing or speech, but any video which includes Sinead O'Connor is worth the time to watch. Somewhere out there is the story of the sailors trapped under deck by the Pearl Harbor bombing; they were left to die, which took about 2 weeks of pounding on the hull from the inside, as they did not have the technology to retrieve them without simultaneously drowning them. Its along the line of many of your stories, you may want to consider a retelling.

[@gangstagarf]

That one is so haunting. It would fit well on his last moments series

[@pepperachu]

I love how you dissed yourself, yet your actually quite a great KZbinr. I think it's your dry sense of humor and my personal favorite part is your drawings that go along fantastically with your narration. Your subject matter can be depressing or violent but you also pick up interesting events as well. If I had a complaint, I mostly don't agree with your views on spirituality or God. But I really like your channel. I know no one will see this

[@mauriceisnotmyname480]

I literally just looked at your channel and wondered when you were gonna upload again.

[@Qxir]

;)

[@eastonkeeton5370]

Merry christmas qxir

[@Qxir]

U too!

[@AceOfBlackjack]

Cute.

[@JokobZuma]

Wholesome

[@codykeane6107]

What a guy, he played for 11 different pro teams and some even picked him back up again, legitimately had 0 caps over 13 years straight of "playing" 🤣

[@killian9314]

5:03 that's actually a sexual compliment

[@dhuill8900]

A video from qxir, during Christmas!? The is the best gift!

[@devcs9474]

Didn’t know Christmas was on the 22nd

[@legomanc4555]

Im honestly suprised you dont have like 1mil subs by now. Ive been watching you for a while and its just shoking there isnt millions following you.

[@Qxir]

Thanks for the support :)

[@joeycalendar3122]

probably my new favorite channel

[@davidhuntsberger1471]

Your hilarious my friend. I'm going to check out your merch store 👍

[@ScarletC9]

a Qxir video? christmas came 2 days early, wow

[@jreis8394]

"Flamingo". I would be offended if i liked soccer

[@monzaonza7650]

Yeah, i'm not offended but i would be pleased with a "Flamengo" instead

[@originsdecoded3508]

I would hire him to teach me his marketing skills.

[@thomasbell7033]

Just for the record, Qux, you've now conned almost a million suckers. My congrats.

[@pprudencio1966]

Britain: invents the term “soccer” America: adopts the term soccer Britain: stops using soccer and now makes fun of America for using soccer instead of football America: “hold on, this whole operation was your idea”

[@cancercentral9997]

Soccor explained poorly: Grown men team up and kick balls

[@iangomez7190]

Bruh can u hurry up and reach 10 mil subscribers. This content deserves it

[@Megadextrious]

Lolol that image at 2:06 should be on a shirt! White drawing on a black shirt, I would TOTALLY wear that!

[@DanTheCaptain]

“This is just to piss off the English” Even though the English are the ones who coined the term “Soccer”... Nice one

[@harll5560]

America: Hey UK how you doing? Wanna play soccer? UK: *pyteradactyl screeching*

[@denny0420]

Thank you for bringing my grandfather back to life.

[@mnbassing8686]

Most underrated KZbinr of 2020

[@HandsomeLongshanks]

As an American, i don't care if you say football but I'm all for passing off the British so call it soccer all you want!

[@applejambers7674]

“This is really to piss off the English” As a Scot I fully agree with thid

[@Call_Me_Emo1]

He's not the hero the team wants, and he's not the hero the team needs, but he is the hero the team gets

[@jethrox812]

This man is my new hero!

[@xandergross8474]

Reminds me the "fighting career" of Joe Rogan with no actual fights 🤣🤣🤣

[@luckypennyp4297]

if intelligence is the best skill to evolve in the game of evolution, then charisma is the best skill to have in the game of life

[@valerieabney7966]

I can't help watching these, even the old ones, because you are so funny. You do a great job, and I love your accent. I'm southern, so to hear you telling one of your tales from the bottle, even last moments, is so nice. Keep up the good work!!!

[@bunnyluver2176]

Just found your (criminally under-subbed) channel and can't get anything done now cuz i can't stop binging! Love your channel! Love how you showed your fan art which was very cool. Keep up the great work!

[@Severalangrybees]

I've been waiting on another tale from the bottle thanks m8

[@youxkio]

I have subscribed, you always have great content.

[@Qxir]

Thank you :)

[@youxkio]

@@Qxir I thank you!

[@brianpeterson510]

Love it brother

[@xolta11]

This guy needs a movie about him.

[@trentarnold7226]

1:11 Hahaha, wonderful

[@siamsurf]

The cup of tea and extended little finger is the icing...

[@TMAJ0R]

Turns out he's actually really good at soccer and all of his excuses were legitimate

[@MarkusManon]

This video was fun, but the fan art segment was cute! Love it!

[@salelias8321]

Dude I love your videos, your sense of humor makes my day a little better.

[@twongi3000]

You've betrayed the civilised world by calling it soccer.

[@Qxir]

Excellent

[@twongi3000]

@KennyRecords92 it's called football.

[@AmusedWalrus]

@Emil Kozak Its called soccer, if you actually knew the history of the sport yo would know its official name was soccer before it was called football

[@twongi3000]

@@AmusedWalrus Everyone* calls it Football. Besides, It wasn't originally named soccer, that was just a shortened name for association football which was it's original name. But yes, the name "soccer" does come from Britain www.britannica.com/story/why-do-some-people-call-football-soccer *except for Americans

[@Boosher_]

@KennyRecords92 football, fútbol, le foot ...

[@definetelynotnight7725]

As a Brazilian, I'm surprised you got the name of the teams right, good job!

[@Mr.Boyo13]

My dude maxed out Charisma and Speech when he was born

[@HarvestStudios_38]

"goohd hevenshs! etchs blooday footbahl not soccahr" -brits

[@Treblaine]

5:16 Speech 100

[@ChrisGWGreen]

As an Englishman, it's hard to get pissed off by a leprechaun 🍀😂 (love your content Qxir)

[@ZENN-LA74]

Flamenco and Vasco de Gama are HUGE clubs in Brazil. Bebeto won the 1994 World Cup held in the USA. CHEERS!

[@totoshmeeg8607]

Little does qxir know we were just paid by his mom to “believe” his scam

[@riccardoc1711]

You imitate the irish accent very well! Love to Ireland always!

[@YouAintGotNoTegridyBoi]

He's not imitating.

[@funzy64]

It's always a great day when Qxir uploads.

[@richardsawyer5428]

Hugh Laurie did a sketch along similar lines, teaching kids how to avoid the ball and fall over.

[@fondren001]

"Although this is *really* just to piss of the English" Love it, subbed.

[@chironex.]

0:49 Fluent Spanish in Brazil

[@Autconscipatheonive]

Nicely done, mate!

[@mechanicleyse]

Been binging your videos for the past 24 hours, loving the content, keep it up!

[@charliemcmillan4561]

i usually hate conmen but i have to respect this hustle, he played every single person he ever talked to like a violin

[@bigDdavy]

I was never so excited to tap on a Notification

[@alanwatts8239]

0:47 Brazilians speak portuguese.

[@siamsurf]

He not played in Mexico.

[@-HumanOnEarth-]

Good job! He still needed to be fluent in Spanish to play for Mexican teams though.

[@alanwatts8239]

Well, if that's the case, then i stand corrected.

[@joelcoombs2437]

dont worry Qxir, we never thought u were competent. we just love you anyway

[@romanregman1469]

There is another approach (of sorts) to "play" team sports for a really really short time (timewise) and enjoy all the benefits without an ounce of talent: "guided missile" disposable teamster, or the "kamikaze" play, in which the main activity would be to identify the opposing team's best player and... ahem... "removing" that same player, for a few games, an entire season, or maybe even permanently...

[@SiffingFrinMaxer]

Qxir the best scam artist.

[@cheezez1904]

Can u do a vid about the Pepsi military?

[@philsargent9332]

I would like to say this about year ago I was visiting my son we were watching your videos my son likes 👍 your videos so I decided on night to look for a video on the killdozer and your video popped up I remember my son saying something about your videos so I watched it ever since then I've been hooked like the cartoon videos very good keep up the good work and good job on all of them

[@blyat4842]

A man who actually had speech lvl 100