How to Flip Someone From Rude to Respectful

[@HealthyGamerGG]

Shhh don't give away all our secrets 🤫 Thanks for the awesome breakdown!

[@hdjfjd8]

aye ,look who's here😂

[@hdjfjd8]

Aur bata bhai kya chal raha hai ?

[@amiraligh6493]

Truly awesome

[@davidl9155]

Doctar Kay Vow!!😄

[@shaneilellis9832]

😂😂😂😂

[@isaachester8475]

Dr. K has probably dealt with patients far more rude than Sneako. He’s an expert at it by now

[@MCDLXXXVIII_]

gotta go through the worst to deal with everything in between

[@sinia556]

​@@MCDLXXXVIII_ well said

[@potapotapotapotapotapota]

Sneako may be argumentative but he's not really someone that can make you angry because his arguments aren't very well-thought out and it's easy to poke holes in them.

[@_WeDontKnow_]

yea Sneako was a bit argumentative, but Dr. K deals with people who suffer from addiction to very serious drugs. he's probably had to hear the worst personal insults someone can think of

[@Despotic_Waffle]

Well he's a professional

[@sanadamesh7723]

The reasons Dr K is so good at managing sneako's ego, is because he knows how to manage his own.

[@TheStarrySky-sb9df]

Yes.

[@Chrisratata]

Yyeesss!

[@gargoyled_drake]

That is the case for everything. All humans have egos they need to control. All humans have fears they need to not let them control you. All humans have desires they need to control. Implying someone has an ego isn't the insult some people think it is. As people are simply implying that the other person is human. It's a whole different story when people AREN'T able to CONTROL their EGO. Doesn't mean you aren't human. Just means you aren't able to control yourself. Which is mainly something we accept in children and people with mental illnesses.

[@raulromero2948]

Some of these comments should really listen to that advice about letting go of defending your honor/self righteous ness it could go a long way

[@LeprosuGnome]

And also years of studying and experience.

[@T1J]

the way Dr. K interacts with people without judgment regardless of their energy is super inspiring to me. i hope to emulate that one day

[@PrinceOfDarkness2k7]

I don't watch you too often, but from what I've seen you've been doing pretty well already :)

[@chandlerhuffman4571]

Same, it's something I really want to work on.

[@pempers1885656]

I’m sure the judgment is still there inevitably he just knows how to handle it all and not let it influence the moment. Judgment is a background process that connects your experience with the moment to then judge (pre mature Problem solving) the situation. But controlling that to active Listen and hear the actual problem at hand is definitely a thing that needs practice for most

[@eggymens]

i really appreciate this! we should all be more like Dr K. However, I think it's important also to maybe mention in this context, that, you can't just emulate years worth of studying and research that almost inevitably leads to this kind of understanding, which leads to his type of attitude. we can't hope to emulate such a thing without also accepting that we must put in a similar level of effort. i appreciate that we all want to be understanding, but lets not forget how much work Dr K has done, remember DOCTOR K. Just getting a doctorate on its own takes 4+ years of studying and that's not including also requiring, good grades in school, a masters and bachelors degree which also take about 3 years each to complete. we can't just hope to emulate years worth of work and research. Dr. K has spent as much time studying and researching as many of you have been alive.

[@parasrawat1217]

How are you

[@jsonkody]

So basically, a rude person is like a door that only opens towards you. You must not push because that will only keep it shut to you. Instead, you need to take a step back, give it space to open, and then open it.

[@anat781]

This is a great analogy. Well said.

[@drbakhshi7064]

Wow….that blew my mind. Gonna use that, thank you

[@kosmoswielki1199]

great analogy ❤ thats exactly what happens. You just let the person unroll patiently and without judgement. That actually might be connected to humane need of being seen - if you just see this person and her point of view, if deflates the persons ego

[@RocknJazzer]

yes but get them to open it for you

[@klb9672]

Easier said than done. You need first very good self-control for that and there are plenty of times when you need to be assertive so that behavior is not repeated over time like a very annoying colleague. You don't do it with these types of techniques. This is also when you're in professions based on that like a judge or a cop or a lawyer . Many of these wouldn't work the same way.

[@conall5434]

Dr K is one of the best communicators I've ever seen

[@BBeeblebrox]

Oh man he'd make an amazing diplomat

[@6lack5ushi]

Amazing!!!! Communicator

[@ThisIsNotWhatItLooksLik]

Out of curiosity, who have you seen that are better? Sneako interviews cemented to me that he is the best I have seen.

[@6lack5ushi]

@@ThisIsNotWhatItLooksLik Joscha Bach but he’s more of a physicist so a lot is domain specific but I think he does a good job

[@ipatch9651]

@LM-hp6lybtw he did write a book recently

[@amaurylannes]

Analyzing Dr K's conversational methods is a genius way to teach people how to converse better

[@theseangle]

Analysis squared

[@Thurrak]

I highly recommend his video on proper conversation.kzbin.info/www/bejne/qnqkha2Cm5KsZpY&ab_channel=HealthyGamerGG

[@Aritul]

I agree.

[@RonLarhz]

Idk. I just feel manipulative. Like pretend to get you but actually dgaf about you.

[@theweirdguy8078]

@@RonLarhzLike it says you need to be genuine about it. Think of it as trying to disarm a man with a hand gun and then just talk normally.

[@zaofactor]

I find it funny that I learned and used all of these techniques by working in customer service over the phone with almost all upset customers in my early 20s. I also found it interesting as I matured further that so many people have issues communicating in this way.

[@SocraticMethod-mp2di]

Agree.

[@lesterven1847]

AMEN TO THAT. It can really be a struggle to keep your composure around some customers but usually these tips work

[@thomaslacroix6011]

It's literally because we expect people to naturally learn this without any structure or formal etiquette to use as a guide.

[@PopPipPop]

NOBODY talks about customer services actually being a huge learning opportunity when it comes to human psychology and serious people skills. It’s so valuable

[@reviewranger4202]

Absolutely. They start high and heated to end up respectful, sorry they shouted and thank you for your work and service for them.

[@Sm0k6poke]

Its wild to see how hes uncomfortable and writhing in his chair because of how you challenge his idea of manhood and connection in a friendly manner, it shows just how foreign these kind of interactions are for him. Totally disassembled his defense. Before seeing this i thought it was impossible to break through to such stubborn people; your truly a master at work.

[@yerpderp6800]

Most people crave connection, it's just due to prior circumstances they start learning there are limited ways to do so (or they are scared of changing). And tbh they have good reason to be like that, most people aren't willing to extend an olive branch and instead will react according to their own learned behaviors. So people start learning ways to get what they want, and in the process of doing so if they're not mindful they start neglecting their own agency in accomplishing this. So Dr K is pretty great here because not only is he showing sneako there's an alternative way to react, but also he's beginning to remind sneako of his agency.

[@itzelmayoral729]

Stubborn? Is that what you think this guy is?

[@Sm0k6poke]

@@itzelmayoral729 Dense**

[@gargoyled_drake]

They are just scared kids who thinks what they have known the last 5 years is the only real world... Not knowing that it's actually only within that small group of creators that they hang out in that they are treated that way.

[@pizzapie7]

This isn’t Dr.K analyzing himself lol this is a different guy

[@frankie1312]

When you said "walking away from the rudness is totally fine" I almost started crying. That's some validation I didn't know I needed.

[@phoenixj1299]

When men become so weak that they seek validation from others, thats a sign that your society screwed you over and you help yourself to get stronger than ever by taking the wisdom of the east and using common sense

[@Ryosuke1208]

Takes years to understand that we are worthy on respect and if someone is being rude we need to put clear boundaries.

[@frankie1312]

@@marilyn9138 Thank you for your words.

[@different_stuff]

In my expirience, these kind of enlightenments are pretty naive. You think that you find some truth, but it just shatters in reality, and is only good on paper. Like here, for example, you can end up with bullies treating you like a dog if you just walk away from rudeness. If you are forced to see them regularly (like colleagues at work) this could be a problem. And also, walking away just leaves you with your bad thoughts inside you. You can acknowledge that it's not about "winning or losing" but you will FEEL that you lost, which completely diminish your acknowledgement

[@Ryosuke1208]

@@different_stuff not if you control your thoughts.

[@lemillion5980]

Sneako is like an insecure teenager😂

[@abdelilhmanflores]

Bingo. Dude is still a kid mentally

[@abdelilhmanflores]

sneako turned out better because of Dr k. He came into the interview acting like a child. The conclusion is the same but you read the cause wrong

[@abdelilhmanflores]

@@iiiisell nuclear misreading. Sneako is a kid who never grew up

[@abdelilhmanflores]

@@iiiisell sneako came into the interview being loud and arrogant with his opinions. Dr k recognized that this guy was gonna try to debate and argue the whole time. Instead of falling for the bait, he used his 20+ years of knowledge to make sneako act normal. Did we watch the same interview? I feel like you just want sneako to win instead of encouraging him to grow up and be normal

[@abdelilhmanflores]

@@iiiisell if you say so pal

[@jorgeperez2872]

In a way, Sneako and most male red pillers come from a place of avoidant attachment, "in some way people are going to try to take advantage of me" "let me create distance" . But the thing is, Dr, k. Amability is sincere, he is not trying to make a show or comes with a judgment from a preconcibed idea of who Sneako is, he is genuine.

[@intello8953]

Lol what the heck is a “avoidant attachment” is this another liberal psychologist feminine term?

[@mrfrenly]

It's not because Sneako is red pill, it's because sneako is a rude dickhead.

[@baskinghobo]

I think another reason a lot of these alpha males act unnecessarily rude is because they know a lot of people look up to them and giving validation to these people too easily makes them stop seeking their approval. I remember in primary school hanging out with the popular kids, a lot of them were often rude for no reason so I sought their approval and it felt great when I got it. But sort of like a toxic relationship, they often go back to their old ways and I kept seeking for their approval because I desperately wanted to fit in and be cool like them.

[@noneofyourbuizness]

Sneko is actually changing in a good way

[@Ricerrs]

@@noneofyourbuiznessyeah he’s left the red pill ideology

[@vecter]

Although it wasn't the point of this video, I hope Sneako actually heals his trauma.

[@yabiodonkey4065]

Lol what trauma tf 😂😂😂

[@vecter]

@@yabiodonkey4065 dude carries insane negative energy with him. Very uncentered emotionally, always looking for a confrontation, trying to provoke others. The opposite of a masculine man.

[@abdelilhmanflores]

@@yabiodonkey4065all that bullying and cucking is messing with his head. Your goat king acts like a child and he needs to grow and be normal

[@Kevuno]

⁠@@vecterdamn this is actually a great observation and explains why sneako could potentially have unhealed trauma. I don’t think people become like this on default but are instead brought here through negative experiences.

[@sincorazon9920]

@@vecterhe’s also just part ass🤣

[@worshipthecomedygodseoeunk4010]

i tried these kind of tactics with a narcissist, and it didnt work. i feel like this approach only works with people who truly have the ability to self reflect. but the narcissist not only deflects, they also gaslight and stonewall you so even if you attempt to see their perspective, even with the intention of not changing them, they dont care. they find pleasure in manipulating you, with the sole purpose of maintaining their fake grandiosity. which i think is different from just being rude, disrespectful, crass, and deflective. so if this approach doesnt work, the person may be a narcissist.

[@beeankha]

Yeah, good to know when to bail. You can disarm them though by basically doing step one - assert boundaries and walk away/cut ties. And maybe two as well.

[@roseleger5112]

How could one tweek that approach so that it would work with an abusive narcissist? I can't go no contact so I'm down to non verbal at this point.

[@ItsYoru.21]

Facts

[@MigjolVanMjol]

@@roseleger5112Obviously I know nothing about the situation you’re referring to, but I’d start with asking myself “Okay, why can I not go no contact?”

[@AnnaPoli800]

and they really have no imagination at all those people (narcs) ¬so predictive as well.

[@okRegan]

Ok, this is awesome, you have the language and mannerisms of a typical alpha male channel but with actual substance and good advice, cudos mate, you are a genius

[@tavo6496]

I don’t understand how people can say that Sneako was being “blunt” or “simply opinionated” as opposed to being rude. There’s a distinct difference between honesty and crassness and that distinction is respect and care for the other persons feelings and comfort.

[@LittleBabywriter]

I don't see it being rude as well. Why one should be annoyed or feel attacked by opposed opinions?

[@vvey4523]

That's... not a distinct difference. Nothing that you said actually separates the two. What actual, tangible thing made you believe there was disrespect ?

[@rejectionisprotection4448]

Was it about HOW he said it rather than WHAT he said?

[@LittleBabywriter]

@@rejectionisprotection4448 oh yes. I heard that excuse.

[@chumbucket6184]

I hope you're a woman for your sake

[@HandSolitude]

It requires someone capable of self reflection too.

[@GovindkumarRao123]

That's a good point there if the listener isn't willing the listen then all the techniques fail right there .

[@reinaldomartinez13]

A few years ago I was a follower of sneako, this is before his whole turn to the redpill and eventual youtube ban. I have been following dr.k for the past year and a half and seeing these two personalities is a night and day difference. I could've turned out like sneako, this immature, ignorant person who is polarizing for the sake of it, I'm glad I ultimatley decided to leave that small mindset and listen to dr. K

[@TaroLoaf]

W take. Common Dr. K W

[@yabiodonkey4065]

A fake sneako watcher would say that shit, he was always redpill, now you have just started watching soy minded creators. L take

[@hisky.]

me too I'm so glad I didn't fall into that trap

[@aqeebshahbaz3306]

Well I mean to be fair he has done well for himself and he even met new people and converted into another religion and travels the world so honestly I suppose being like him isn’t to bad well at least as a template for how to live your own life

[@hisky.]

@@aqeebshahbaz3306 the way he interacts with other people is honestly the opposite of how you should strive to be

[@smile--]

Dr. K is so good at what he does that he makes Sneako seem like a decent person

[@gingeral253]

I’m glad Sneako wasn’t rude the whole time. Some people really don’t care about having a conversation.

[@kosmoswielki1199]

or theyre not capable yet to meet in a grown up convos

[@MortydeGravata]

It's basically "don't think less about yourself", "be honorable" ad "treat people with respect".

[@romansdump]

I feel like patience and neutrality are also relevant in this video

[@MortydeGravata]

@@romansdump Agreed. Specially neutrality, because it helps put arguments in place and pay attention to others.

[@eggymens]

it's definitely more complicated than this, but, if this is all you can take from it, it's better than nothing.

[@MortydeGravata]

@@eggymens yeah, for sure. I said "basically"... It was like a resume.

[@shoelacedonkey]

@@MortydeGravata Yep. all good points. I just wanted to ad you don't have to actualy respect someone to treat them with respect... if only to make the conversation easier. As someone on the spectrum I've had difficulty with that for years, it felt like lying and dishonesty.

[@Evitrea]

The open question v.s. closed question part blew my mind. I knew that questions are important to communicate, but more often than not my question pisses people even more...now I know the problem. Closed question is only good in asserting dominance, not convincing others.

[@tongpoo8985]

yeah now I have a new word for the way political pundits conduct themselves, especially left-leaning ones. that type intellectual dishonesty makes my stomach churn.

[@Feathertail2205]

​​@@tongpoo8985Don't forget to apply what you learn though, put that open questioning tactic to use, not just use these things as labels to only reinforce your own walls.

[@tongpoo8985]

@@Feathertail2205 I tend to write people off if they're arguing in bad faith, unless it's a public argument. I just don't need that kind of toxic energy in my life. Can't stand to be around an aggressively low-information person. Such strong opinions on politics when their entire information diet is reading a couple headlines per month on twitter.

[@Feathertail2205]

@@tongpoo8985 Time to use the other tactic (in general, not directed at you per se): don't engage with bad faith arguments lol, though fair enough.

[@GovindkumarRao123]

Kinda but still I always manage to make people angry gotta learn some better communication skills

[@Gnomezonbacon]

Oh thank you. I am in a problem that I caused by being the rude guy. I don't want to be. And I want out. So I'm listening to this from the perspective of how do I stop being rude all that time and go back to being respectful.

[@tigdakid]

It’s your fragile ego

[@johntan4997]

I won't be so critical of oneself, I'm reaching 50, thus we all been full of youth & ego. It's mainly got to do with a person's footing in life, once you reach a certain level of foundation & competency, there's no longer the need to behave this way. Rudeness often roots from uncertainty and insecurity within, that's why it's an 'act' to quickly belittle others before they discover the truth.

[@MateuszPolkowski]

I'm happy to see you want to become a better version of yourself. It's very admirable. I believe you have made the most important first step of realizing that rudeness is an issue you have and want to address. I felt your comment and would like to leave you with a few points, because I believe they might help while this video might not. 1. Catch yourself the next time you find yourself in a situation you are being rude. Don't beat yourself up about it. Just try to catch a moment so you have a specific thing to explore. 2. Ask yourself why you were being rude. Be frank with yourself. Were you angry? 3. If you felt angry, do you know why you were angry? If not, let me tell you what anger is. Anger is a natural emotional reaction to a perception of being mistreated. Do you feel the other person did you wrong? 4. This is the hardest part. Anger is a natural emotional reaction to a _perception_ of being mistreated. This emotion is justified if you are actually being mistreated, however there is a big chance that this is just your perception. What I mean is someone may be just speaking their truth and you are making this statement about you. You are deciding that some statement is a mistreatment. Do you feel this might be true? 5. If you feel this might be true in your case, realize this is your ego speaking. Your reaction of being rude is you trying to do something to the other person. Why do you care so much? What are you trying to prove? What do you want to achieve? What are you protecting? 6. Also hard. Explore your past and try to find the earlies situation in your life where you felt you had this dynamic. Work through it. 7. Realize that you being rude is a waste of energy and by being rude you are giving up control to the other person. Why be angry if you don't feel mistreated? Why defend yourself if you are not feeling attacked? Why debate someone's statement if you're not feeling challenged? 8. If you get to a point where you're fine with yourself, you will feel that every statement anyone speaks out (even if radically negative and deliberately directed at you) speaks volumes more about them than about you. Such a statement will not trigger anything else in you, but curiosity and empathy. You will feel so comfortable in your on skin and so free, you will sometimes want to cry from all the raw relief you feel. I wish you all the best on your journey.

[@octaviawinter9768]

i’m not entirely sure if this applies to you but i will say this: There’s been a recent push to be blunt and say what you feel at all times. that this is the only way to be truly authentic and politeness is just another way of saying fake. But there’s a difference between being honest and beign rude. We aren’t our worst impulses or the horrible thoughts that sometimes pass through our heads. An example: your friend just hosted an event and they’re super excited about it and they ask you how you’re liking it (you really don’t). You can tell them “i can see how much effort you put into it!” which is an honest assessment that’s better than lying and saying “it’s perfect!”. You don’t want to ruin the party while it’s going on so instead you give the specifics later about what you didn’t like in a constructive tone. You’re not hiding how you feel but you’re also trying not to hurt your friend. taking a moment to respond when you sense a rude thought and letting it pass by is crucial. Speaking rudely is a moment’s decision and you can change that if you allow yourself to calm down and think of better ways to deal with your feelings.

[@dariazhempalukh]

Very admirable! Good luck with that.

[@realprime1909]

'walking away from rudeness.' I do that a lot. i don't want anyone to mess with my mood.

[@Dontstopbelievingman]

Sneako's smile 'lots of people tell me that' shows he's not only self aware of what kind of person he is, but that he gets a lot of joy from it. That kind of person is one I personally stay tf away from. Those people will needle you daily to feel a power surge that they get off on. Even their vulnerability is a trap. Just walk away and remove them from your lives.

[@whirlwhind666]

When does he smile?

[@Naz-jc5tp]

@@whirlwhind666they said exactly when he smiles

[@Dontstopbelievingman]

@@whirlwhind666 When he says those words, you don't see it?

[@whirlwhind666]

@@Dontstopbelievingman i was being lazy and wanted a timestamp. I found it now lol

[@Dontstopbelievingman]

@@whirlwhind666 OH! Sorry! :p

[@sDuAvTaTjAe]

I read a story of an angry man who spit on the Buddha, and the Buddha smiled back. The next day the angry man apologised and requested to be his disciple

[@RedAstrals]

"I have no enemies."

[@pedrogorilla483]

It was my uncle Cheng.

[@specialknees6798]

The same concept as “turn the other cheek” in Christianity

[@mspaint93]

And I think theres a h dith of Mohammed having smth similar of an interaction with an old women but I might be recalling wrong. Its a great sentiment a lot of faiths try to advertise but is a lot harder to follow

[@justtostudylol5711]

A very good one. Can you provide me reference of where it is written and if it is real or not.

[@Raddnedge]

"Take responsibility. Don't say 'what other people (want to know).' This is a conversation I'm having with you." I actually like what TC said there, oops. But I'm fanatical about accountability, especially with regards to not hiding your own words behind others. Maybe he was giving the interviewer what he wanted, but for a regular conversation, I like it.

[@tomdoingfunstuff]

I also find it particularly frustrating when communication is veiled like this

[@adrianrocabado5040]

What's being said in the video is that it's not a bad way to create boundaries usually, the problem with it is that it creates a power struggle. This means that if the person pushing for it wants to keep control of the conversation, it will escalate with different antics. There are people that will want to go against your view just for the sake of it. Engaging in a different way can prevent this. Pretty much every way is okay, as long as you know whom to use it with.

[@Phriffo]

My respect for Dr. K only grows exponentially.

[@mrwanderlive]

Dr K is very emotionally intelligent and that's part of the reason he's so good at this

[@BigDaddyWes]

It can't be overstated how valuable this approach to rudeness is. Not only for us to learn how to navigate it within others, but how to recognize it within ourselves.

[@sabrinacz]

1:00 setting boundaries. not tell the other person what to do, tell what i will do. 2:41 “okay” 2:55 respond slow and with sincerity 6:54 not debate and own opinion 8:13 share what u agree w first and disagree second

[@theauntofdragons]

"This is not about you". Some of the best advice I'll never forget. Active listening helps-ish. People are still rude 🙄.

[@axion4523]

Can you elaborate please?

[@theauntofdragons]

@@axion4523 That's a wonderful question. I've learned that not everything requires a response. Sometimes people just need to yell. Who doesn't?! Their rage is not directed towards you. Maybe their spouse or child annoyed them. Hence, it has NOTHING to do with you. It only hurts my feelings because I'm a sensitive girl lol.

[@Lynn-jy1uq]

Lol same but im trying my best out here 😂 ​@theauntofdragons

[@Finalslashes]

@@theauntofdragonsyea that’s true people vent in all types of ways and communication is a very common.

[@drakonli]

One of the things that was new to me is the "slow" thing. I immediately realized when I did this by accident and now I will add it to my toolset. thanks bro!

[@Jmurphfla]

I've implemented all these without knowing. Learned it mostly from watching my grandfather (I miss that man) and an old pastor who mentored me. Some real gems here.

[@dr.skillz77mgpl92]

also props to Sneako for being understanding at the end, sure Dr. K was very open and de-escalating, but I'm happy they were able to have a genuine conversation at the end :>

[@tacitus_]

Extremely useful advice for anyone in customer service roles. I use these tricks subconsciously in my work as a sysadmin/sysengineer

[@GrogSothroth]

Oh come on now lmao

[@tacitus_]

@@GrogSothroth Not sure why you think this is objectionable. Gotta make the clients feel good.

[@willmont9738]

What certifications are needed to be a sysadmin ?

[@tacitus_]

@@willmont9738 Honestly any of CompTIA's certs will get your foot in the door at an MSP. If you want to work at a data center, you'll probably want Cisco and Redhat certs. If you want to work in a large office, get your MCSE (in Azure-focused roles).

[@royp8804]

​@@willmont9738 Network+, grab a+ first and make some homelabs

[@speedytherabbit8535]

I was having a pretty bad day since some people in my life were being rude to me and I just wanted to let you know that this video really opened my eyes on how to deal with these types of situations and people. I’ve always wondered what to do in these types of situations since I always felt helpless and sad, but I want to thank you for making this video. May God bless you ❤️

[@querty985]

Sneako either got intimidated or actually realised he was rude and corrected it, unfortunatly non of this works on a bully.

[@tongpoo8985]

bullies can get intimidated.

[@joegibbskins]

Most bullies are seeking a reaction. If you just don’t give them that bullying is boring. Now, certain f’d up people will continue to escalate things to get a reaction, and that’s horrible, but a consolation would be they’ve lost the crowd

[@isdochegal3576]

@@joegibbskins thats not how things work in the real world. real bullies are VERY pleased if your ONLY reaction is to get a red cheek after they slapped you. its NOT boring to them and they DONT lose the crowd. if "the crowd" just stands by and watches without jumping in to help (at least with words) for the first half then they wont change their behaviour/mind just because you continue (of course there are limits.. you cant bully for 7 hours straight or do extreme physical harm, like breaking multiple bones or something like that without having people stepping in. but thats not how bullying works) i personally dislike the "crowd" that does nothing, more than the bully himself because of that exact behaviour (wich is what happens more often, sadly) all that "just ignore/dont react" bullshit only works on the bullies who are not that bad, in the first place (and that is NOT the majority, at least not where i grew up)!

[@sudato3502]

@@isdochegal3576 theres difference between physical bullying and social one. physical bullying is usually way more direct so the countermeasures should be direct, while social bullying is more subtle so more subtle approach is needed when dealing with it.

[@Feathertail2205]

​​@@isdochegal3576People like that aren't just bullies anymore, they're psychopaths at that point.

[@mackieincsouthsea]

A masterclass in sincerely empathetic dialogue and the benefits of the bridges it can build between people at odds. It's really impressive to see it broken down by someone so skilled at it. It doesn't matter who you are, feeling like you're truly understood without judgement is an immensely powerful gift to be offered, particularly when you start off heavily guarded.

[@notfunny6606]

This is why I thought how awesome it would be to study psychology! You can learn how to manipulate a conversation in the direction that you want it to go. I also love how you can tell how a person is feeling based on their body language! If I hadn't taken the path of joining the military then I would've probably been a psychologist, therapist, or police interrogator.

[@yungpm]

You seem very proud of being a liar and manipulator.

[@tommyhubbard342]

@@yungpm Who hurt you lil bro?

[@Acoto]

I'm 100% saving this video. Human behavior is fascinating. Be able to manage human behavior, command technology, and have the physical skills and power to handle violence and you can manage almost any situation imaginable.

[@trusterzero6399]

Love how he is physically awkward because of the conv

[@adriandelreal9126]

Why do you find joy in someone else becoming awkward

[@EndocrinologistTransGender]

@@adriandelreal9126 because he is harming the world by destroying people's attention spans, and being rude to those who are trying to help him, simply to look cool and feed his own ego. That's why.

[@trusterzero6399]

@@adriandelreal9126 dark sense of humor I guess, idk. Maybe because of his initial stance

[@TanTan-lq2mm]

He’s trash

[@xpeachypie4133]

@@adriandelreal9126it’s a consequence of showing up to a convo in bad faith like that. there’s some catharsis to seeing people who speak to people like that having to sit with the weight and discomfort they brought to the conversation.

[@_mayankr]

the first point was also very well made in the sneako rubi rose interaction where she threatened to leave if sneako was rude

[@brucesjogren8417]

in most cases you just need help to help yourself. nudging someone in the right direction is often better than giving them a straight up solution is what ive learned from this clip

[@EmantheHeartbreak]

The NWA nod at at 4:17 was perfect. I always love the easter eggs in these videos

[@juniperpunch7751]

This is golden. Please post more like this like how to engage in tight situations because i am surrounded by these kinds of people and it is draining

[@tongpoo8985]

I'm around 1 person like this but it's one of the worst ones I've ever encountered. Opportunity to learn

[@l4rkdono]

I am that kind of person. I don't want to live like this anymore

[@FabricioSantos-zy6vt]

Another method of dealing with Sneako was presented to us by Sean Strickland

[@KH-nova]

The video isnt about sneako funny man Lmao youre a hard learner

[@cooper2132]

sean couldnt even knock out sneako. he should be ashamed of himself

[@KH-nova]

@@cooper2132 he was clearly not going for a knockout

[@lorddj9910]

@@cooper2132that’s cause Sean was barely going full power

[@serjborwi9624]

Haha that’s awesome dude, you’re such a tough guy.

[@TheBranchan]

Excellent breakdown, Charlie. Can't wait for Dr. K's next appearance

[@pegaferno4429]

Oh wow, didn't know the bloke from charisma on command did a podcast. Your videos helped me years ago when I was a young teen understand and interact socially. I was completely incompetent and it really hurt my life. Now, social interactions are one of my best skills and has taken me far in life. Thank you Charlie. Really. Thank you.

[@littleripper312]

Something a coworker once told me was "You don't have to be defensive". I wasn't even aware that I did it and it completely changed my life. There's no benefit to acting defensive in a conversation. When someones being polite and I'm uncomfortable or if someone is straight up verbally attacking me, acting defensive is weak and it doesn't work.

[@shreym03]

Dr K is amazing. I need to see this interview now. Thanks Charlie!

[@migalorsdarwin1930]

Yeah this was the best part what Sneako said. kzbin.info/www/bejne/fJLSYZSsoM9lask

[@Valentin-jn3lk]

I'm glad you're back Charlie. You've been a light for me when I was struggling with social anxiety back when I was 14, 5 years ago. Your book was the first I finished reading on my own for a very long time. You showed me something else is possible. You changed the trajectory of my life and you keep inspiring me to this day, not only as a communicator but as an entrepreneur as well. I see you're inspired to keep inspiring, as you're doing with this video. I'm glad. Thanks ❤

[@dreaminginnoother]

I was like, man this video reminds me a lot of Charisma on Command.... oh it's the same guy haha.

[@LadyShiver]

Please this is the first time I ever saw one of your videos and I'm immediately intrigued and amazed. I need more videos like this. I feel like rudeness is so prevalent nowadays... and I can't deal with it very well. I don't get angry with rude people, instead I stay polite but inside it eats at me and I end up feeling horrible after such encounters (I work in a customer service job). I would love to be able to disarm rude people like that or at least shield myself from feeling so bad.

[@LeaDrice]

This is absolutely true for those who even have the slightest ability to self reflect. There are others though who are so disconnected and disrespectful no matter how you approach them you will continue to receive the rudeness and disrespect. I just say this in case there are some in abusive relationships who are seeing this video and thinking they need to approach the other person in this way to get respect. There are some people you can never get respect from. But great points for those willing to check their ego

[@KeltikManEater]

Being your authentic self will always put you over the games other try to play

[@4TFlowers]

Kind of agree. You'd need a lot of self control too

[@tongpoo8985]

staying grounded and authentic and removing ego. something I'm working on lately. luckily I have an absolute PoS coworker to practice on.

[@growingmao]

​@@tongpoo8985 haha all the best !

[@mogwai_]

This is a good social guide for neurodivergent folks who have tone issues that often lead to conflicts with others

[@abdeallahbennaceur3087]

There is no rudeness. He stated his point honestly

[@kailove8767]

A great addition to sayin “okay” would be : That’s fair That’s valid I respect OR I will not pretend to know everything

[@JaneNewAuthor]

Downloading so I can listen on repeat. Absolute gold. Thank you. I'm having problems with a very aggressive neighbour, you've just shown me how to fix it.

[@ibelieveinwoozisupremacy8681]

Sneako seems like someone that actually need warm hug from his family

[@tomdoingfunstuff]

I don’t even know what you call this type of content, but I’m not seeing it anywhere else and this was a fantastic video

[@overnightoatty]

analysis maybe idk

[@AugustComte-hp7hf]

Psychology

[@ryanignites5923]

Sneako is an interesting example here because he truly is a mirror. Everything he thinks and believes are reflections of the thing he knows gets him attention AND of the community surrounding him at the time. It's not surprising to me that Dr K disarmed him so easily. He did a great job of appealing to the side of Sneako that demands recognition and leant into it by affirming his statements back to him. Masterclass. I truly hope I am able to master this.

[@ka44i]

whole lotta yap, sneako wasnt even rude in the first place LOL, and trust me since this interview dude hasnt changed his mind on a single thing

[@ryanignites5923]

@@ka44i Nah Sneako came in hot at the start there. He was fully prepared to overwhelm Dr K with loudness and logical fallacies as he does to everyone he 'debates'. Definitely hasn't changed his mind though but it's funny to see him so easily disarmed by someone that just knows how to communicate with someone like him.

[@ka44i]

​@@ryanignites5923 honestly bro ive watched his sitdown with dr k. and the way he was talking is just how he's like. He even admitted he did the call because maybe he was wrong about his idea of therapy. Dr K is clearly high level at what he does and if you put sneako in the hot seat with like 70-80% of psychologists or therapists the convo aint going nowhere

[@ryanignites5923]

@@ka44i Him 'just being like that' doesn't make his attitude or behaviours any less hot headed or rude?? lmao why on earth would you say I'm on a whole lotta yap while saying 70-80% of therapists couldn't stack up against a dude who stands for literally nothing haha. Their whole profession is based around disarming people like Sneako lol

[@ka44i]

@@ryanignites5923 didnt seem that rude to me what i mean is that if even dr k couldnt do anything to change his mind what do you think any other therapist is gonna do a majority would have no clue lol sneako doesnt care

[@ifoundthistoday]

with age I found myself not needed to be "right" which kind of solves a lot of conflicts like, being open to others ideas, which can be difficult depending on their education or lack of

[@M_J456]

Think of it this way, you aren’t just “being open”, you’re learning about how people think. The more difficult, the more you might learn from their point of view. Obviously don’t have to agree or even be influenced by their opinion but to me it’s interesting to learn how and why people think the way they do. Just don’t go full send and offer more than what someone is willing to give. It can be very tiring or demotivating to deal with someone who doesn’t want to or isn’t in the right place to offer up the energy required to provide you their mind. In other words, you aren’t entitled to their opinions/ emotions and vice versa.

[@abbadonne8342]

Dr. K is the embodiment of "I have no enemies" 💪

[@eriksteverman]

the ability to put this into words is way more impressive than applying these concepts lol i feel like i do this stuff without even thinking about it

[@alenas6140]

Dr. K is seriously my inspiration. Randomly stumbling on his videos has significantly turned my life around. I strive to grow into myself and love the world because of his influence.

[@stagesnake4146]

It's nice to see someone doing something valuable with KZbin. Thank you for these videos.

[@annara686]

This would only work on individual who doesn't really wants to hurt you, but only choose to act rude

[@davidjackson6817]

Dr. K absolutely handled him my god

[@codydabest]

This is actually a really good video for new sales people to watch. Lots of very similar scenarios and interactions.

[@laurenz4528]

Yeah this absolutly works, its amazing. I have applied this most of my live when i was level headed enough, but sometimes im just down to brawl as well and take enjoyment out giving parole to someone uneccessary rude. But holy shit this approach has turned so many uncomfortable conversations into constructive discussions which i just love to show to people that its possible. At 23 years old I already like this way more than giving parole to someone, because i love showing people that you can have different opinions and expand your views by explaining them to each other . No convincing needed, i just hope to know more about you and the way you think and see things. I value your perspective, and you value mine.

[@chamomile08]

Great video! 7:39 Ego identified with whatever it's happening in the conversation 8:05 Share areas you agree first and the areas you disagree second. 8:36 drop trying to change them, instead make your aim to deeply understand them.

[@visalserei]

Him: I don't believe in therapy Also him at the end of conversation feeling better. Now this is literally a meme worthy 🌝

[@isaiahthomas4444]

Cuz he had a conversation where he connected. He still doesn’t agree with therapy

[@visalserei]

@@isaiahthomas4444 The reason why people go to Therapy because they want to feel better. And he feels better. End of discussion

[@isaiahthomas4444]

@@visalserei If the therapist is good they’ll tell you the truth and the truth doesn’t make ppl feel good. Therapy is meant to improve your quality of life. That’s not happening off of one convo

[@visalserei]

@@isaiahthomas4444 You generalize therapist is stupid and baseless, not every therapist is telling lie. Many therapists will tell you in your face your struggle and show you a document about how you can fix it through rewriting your brain wire.

[@visalserei]

@@isaiahthomas4444 It is like saying all lawyer are corrupted, all accountant are just there to suck your money. You see how stupid this is? This is your problem, the world is not black and white. And I have never been to a therapist but my brother is one and he is very decisive and TOP G.

[@dn526]

Would like to say, that this video is incredibly well written and edited

[@GraveRave]

Love Dr. K, wish hime nothing but the best he's helped so many people.

[@TaroLoaf]

this. last year i was a walking ball of shame, after discovering dr. k, he has helped me realize my most important relationship is the one with myself

[@harrisfleming7431]

These are great points. Insults, especially in public, are an attempt to establish high status by someone who doesn't have it. Getting outraged and making a scene gives them that.

[@candyheartsart]

I love Dr K. And I love the way how Sneako smiled before he said "because you're right, people tell me that about myself". You could tell in that moment he felt seen.

[@mosiahbennion706]

YES!!! More doctor K and Charlie!!!

[@MultiReptilian]

having seen Sneako since his early videos (algorithms do weird things sometimes) it makes me sad see what happened to him, he legit seemed like a young man trying to figure out life, here you can still see this kid, hope he finds the way away from being so hateful

[@onemanenclave]

Thank you for making these videos Charlie. I think these ideas will definitely come in handy in certain situations for me. Thank you again and keep up your amazing work of spreading useful advice for better human relations. If Ben could come over once in a while for a special appearance/episode on the pod that'd be nice. I miss you guys' absorbing conversations.

[@growing367]

0:33 Draw a boundary & Walk away 1:28 State what you are going to do 2:08 Dont engage their behavior 2:36 Set a friendly tone 2:49 Respond to slowness 4:13 Ask open questions4:40 Open Q Curiousity 4:47 Closed questioning5:15 ending 6:30 "I dont want to debate"

[@jordinevans985]

Now we just need a video on how to not be rude or ego-driven in the first place. Especially when someone is sincerely just, trying to have a conversation

[@LoraleiBayette]

I love these think pieces you do! Keep them coming please! The one about the manipulator and this one I thoroughly enjoyed your analysis.

[@adiksaff]

Great topic, and great subject. Dr K is awesome. I need this done between Dr K on Dr Mike's podcast please!

[@Strixs]

sneako peaked in high school bro has no self awareness whatsoever 😭

[@Cv_224]

Gosh, Dr. K has so much patience to speak with understanding, kindness and respect. What else? Regardless of the rudeness and clear ignorant thinking from the other guy, he was just seeking to learn and understand the other. Not fighting and not matching the energy.

[@alanwolf313]

As someone who loves to exchange my perspectives with other people, but sometimes struggles to convey them effectively, this video was very informative.

[@Werdxp]

Excellent video as always. Imagine what the world would be like if we all knew how to do this

[@toonwouters4632]

What exactly is rude about calmly stating you don't believe in therapy? Even if it is to a therapist. I'm in IT and if someone tells me they don't believe in software I'll just be like ok you do you. I don't think it's rude at all. Ignorant maybe, but not rude.

[@netking767]

I smiled at that ending!

[@DrBreyn]

Thank you man for teaching this to people! Those are some very valuable lessons and skills where some took me years to figure out, and others it seems I haven't quite acquired yet

[@Buddyguard120]

Dr. K is an amazing doctor. Just the fact that I grow to hate debate more and more each day, and I would still consider an honor to build a case for certain fundamentals and beliefs I disagree with Dr. K in order to debate with him is a compliment in itself. The man's just awesom, haha. Wonderful breakdown too, I'm gonna watch this again, for sure

[@bobbyavitia]

Well, Sneako is known for being someone who backs down the moment he gets challenged. 😂

[@chromerabbit]

Love your work mate

[@elijahdrotts1025]

Literal quote from Romans 12, “Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone.” And my favorite “Do not be overcome with evil, but overcome evil with good.” What the author Paul is saying here is to respond to aggression with love and seeking to help the other person. Hatred on hatred just breeds more hatred. But love can most of the time defeat hatred unless someone has hardened their heart to the point where they’re too stubborn to believe they can say or do anything wrong.

[@OransB22]

So say okay Maintain a calm tone Don’t tell them how to act or what to do, instead tell them what you’re gonna do eg “I’m not gonna answer that because I don’t feel like sharing that with you on camera and I hope you respect that. Paraphrase what they’ve said before commenting Keep repeating “I don’t wanna debate” Ask open ended question and replace close ended with statements (not statements clothed as questions) so if someone ask me a close ended question instead of falling into the trap I just unveil the hidden statements and throw it back at them. Ask if they want to hear you perspective Start with what you both agree on before disagree Simply trying to understand them and making them understand you. Thanks ❤ for such amazing video

[@aldenpond6467]

I love how Dr. K immediately breaks down words like "polemic," instantly to avoid more power struggle.

[@pradyumnarahul]

I think this only works when there is some form of power/status play by the individual on the receiving end of the "rudness"

[@craigrison007]

No it doesn't. I'm a counselor and a behavior analyst. I control situations like this in my everyday life since graduating. I change argumentative and time wasting behavior and heavily reinforce calm time sensitive behaviors without arguing or breaking a sweat

[@holyjolias3229]

Ever been with a Dominican? ​@@craigrison007

[@Vixctor13]

I just know I'm going to forget all of this as soon as I have to deal with a rude person.

[@beeankha]

Just remember the go slow bit, then you can take your time to remember the others 😂 (at least, that's what I'm gonna do 😅)

[@melitajay]

Don't focus so much on steps but more on the attitude and energy you want to have in the conversation

[@worthyedge9307]

Something that can help is note taking and peer practice. That can help you memorize and put something into practice.