How to get REVENGE against the narcissist I Dr. Ramani

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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[@martinsalazar_]

revenge is unnecessary. you just have to sit and watch them self-destruct from the chaos they created.

[@cherylannebarillartist7453]

Don’t bother with whether they self destruct or not. Leave it.

[@RoyalKnightCurly]

For real, I mean, doesn’t revenge make you just like the narcissist?

[@martinsalazar_]

@@RoyalKnightCurly kzbin.info/www/bejne/Zpezo3dtqZ1rmtk

[@ScarletBrimstone]

Exactly. Why feed into the cycle and give them more ammunition? Just watch them implode and enjoy from a distance.

[@Freeminder-tj5us]

My ex overt mil is now living on her own. She had a generous and kind husband (who killed himself years ago), a talented son (who turned into a covert narc), a wonderful dil (that’s me 😅) and a happy granddaughter (my daughter), we used to live together, but her son discarded us and destroyed the family. My ex mil used to complain about me to his son DAILY!! I don’t have to take revenge, I have my happy, caring, respectful, lovely daughter living with me.

[@youngblood8540]

My 2023 resolution is to stop wondering if I'm good enough for other people and start wondering if they're good enough for me.

[@lawrencefeldman7744]

Ooooooh?!?!? Well put! Thanks!♥️🔥

[@Byebandit50]

A Word

[@sabrinamohammed9778]

Well said!!! This comment truly resonates with ATM an it's truly appreciated 🙂 thank you !

[@lulumeyers146]

Fabulous! You inspire me!

[@rolandemorgan5992]

Your are right. I'm happy knowing I'm a good person 😌

[@youngblood8540]

One of the hardest lessons in life is letting go. Whether it's guilt, anger, love, loss or betrayal. Change is never easy. We fight to hold on and we fight to let go.

[@angelapastorius2377]

"We fight to hold on and we fight to let go." Damn ... truer words were never spoken. 🎯

[@inhisgrip7172]

Wow

[@Joshualuv13]

So true.

[@Nanajsiuz]

The best revenge is a life well lived.

[@nafeezabolia9724]

Very true.

[@mariewright3839]

AMEN!

[@adaptercrash]

Since there life is better than mine, and it was loke a competition they don't help. I'm calling 77.

[@stupensardi2783]

I know that now ❤

[@miss_8thwonder]

they have destroyed your every living reason and means, then you cannot heal from grief without anger & revenge!

[@joshuaanzalone2060]

Do not become bitter or angry and miserable. Continue to walk in love and don't lower your vibration to go down to their level. Remember how far you've come and that you aren't the same person you used to be

[@yukio_saito]

Thank you for your kind words.

[@stevenkeller476]

Thank you Josh. The only way.

[@rainncorbin8291]

Feel any feelings you have, esp anger. Process and release.

[@joshuaanzalone2060]

Your welcome to you guys.

[@nikstar1313]

Yeah I hear you but no one can handle the new me with (lovingly communicated) boundaries, it’s unbelievable!,. My psyche and Counsellors guide me in healthy conflict situations where I am finding my voice and people walk away from me every single time. It’s hard to not think it’s not me. I’m just so disposable to my toxic family.. clicks fingers ... feeling sorry for myself today. Family scapegoat here. Very stuck today 😢

[@ruthe71]

I really needed to hear this today. I’m free of my narcissistic family and the best revenge is for me to live a happy and fulfilled life without them. Thank you Dr Ramini ❤

[@tamakoso4291]

wow, i'm dealing with a narcissitic mum and sisters. I'm learning i have to leave them to find peace

[@SuzkaMares]

So happy for you 💓

[@isabellelee2658]

I always liked the quote "The best revenge is a life well lived".

[@cherylannebarillartist7453]

No revenge, I just want inner peace. That means that’s on MY end.

[@RianneMision]

The best revenge is to not care about the narcissist at all. Then their worst fear will be realized: that underneath their mask, they are nothing.

[@abdulc5726]

Love this.

[@sagesufferswell]

This can be dangerous in certain situations so exercise caution.

[@stephanie3848]

I don't know if it is possible for me to completely not care. I don't know if it is emotionally possible for me. I would like to heal enough to not care, but I don't know if it is possible.

[@miss_8thwonder]

​@lemaxx2638 ​ You cannot be quiet for so long, speak or let them thrive, our voice matters and it really makes them depressed and put them in their place we are human, there is nothing wrong with being a human & throw back at them their own crap and their karma? it never happens, we are at a loss and they are still thriving, so nope revenge is better! To make them feel the same way and expose them to their real shit fu*kface of theirs

[@anonymoususer4866]

Revenge in these situations can be found in moving on and recognizing them for who they are, mentally disturbed individuals.

[@olyguy9918]

Self love! Stand up for yourself and walk away!

[@amac2573]

Please be careful of Scammers who impersonate Dr Ramani and reply to people's comments. Please do not contact them through these reply comments....IT IS A SCAM!!!!

[@davidcoppotelli3957]

Exactly What I did.

[@elizabethsmith8961]

You have made such a change in the world, truly have left a legacy. I cannot imagine how many lives you have helped. Thank you for being you!!!

[@angelapastorius2377]

Helped me tremendously!!! 💞💞💞

[@amac2573]

Please be careful of Scammers who impersonate Dr Ramani and reply to people's comments. Please do not contact them through these reply comments....IT IS A SCAM!!!!

[@LOVEtoPLAYdrums]

Scammers in the chat room! watch out!

[@jeanetteshawredden5643]

@@LOVEtoPLAYdrums I report them

[@sandager4628]

Agreed

[@llpolluxll]

Turning to revenge risks turning you into everything you hate. This is when the narcissist truly wins by turning another individual to be more like them. The truth is, the narcissist doesn't feel whole and you will not feel whole when bringing them down by becoming more like them. True strength is doing what is difficult rather than what is easy.

[@amac2573]

Thanks for making this comment. It is a danger that feels just a bit too real for me, just a vicious cycle of anger, frustration and depression. Have been waiting for one to one therapy for most of the past year.

[@amac2573]

Sorry about the Scammer who has replied.

[@pattio8940]

Dr Ramani addresses this in the video...

[@thecustodian1023]

What's the difference between a psychopathic killer and a soldier? The soldier knows when and why to kill and when not to. It's okay to fight back when you are the one who knows why you have ot fight and how to stop.

[@jeanetteshawredden5643]

@@amac2573 I report every one of them

[@Byebandit50]

I consider my no contact the only revenge I need! My entire family is sitting back calling me the ‘crazy one’ while all party’s are BEGGING me to be the insecure angry loser they once knew. I believe they’re fully aware that me going no contact is indicative of my growth and the end of their mistreatment. My mother who treated me even worse when I broke my contact sent me a note on new year as if something were supposed to change because she’s decided it’s a new year and it should. Lol I’m so done with all of them. And very grateful for my supportive friends.

[@joshuaanzalone2060]

W I am as well. We finally come to the point where we say enough is enough. We don't owe anyone anything,nor do we owe an explanation or to have to defend ourselves. Let them be upset that you are no longer the same person.

[@Crisjola]

Living well truly is the best “revenge.” And what narcs really hate is that you don’t even have to be living “well” in the classic Americana sense: just being _away from them_ is living so much better than you possibly could otherwise. Not to mention the one thing a narc hates more than anything is to lose their control, that you’ve walked off and don’t need them will make them _literally crazy_ until the end of time. I think that’s some pretty good “revenge.” You get to have a life. And they get to be so indignant that you dared to leave that it’s all they’ll fixate on and dwell over forever. Even if they find others. You got away. You left. And that will burn them to the _core._

[@maryswanson9982]

Dumped, and stayed totally away. I’m indifferent now. I doubt my sister will begin to change, but I’m sure her life is loaded with drama, as it always has been. I enabled, and it caused problem. That’s over because I no longer care.

[@joshuaanzalone2060]

There you go Mary, there comes a point where you have to show toxic people including family that you have grown and you refuse to be around ignorance,gossiping,or any other negative things.

[@popmonika]

The best way to get revenge from my experience is not to. Trust me, getting on with your life, healing in your own time and becoming a better person because of your experience is the biggest revenge you can have. Don't forget they needed you to supply them. By bettering yourself you become an even more valuable supply... But here's the catch... They can never touch you because you now see through them... And everytime they see you they will always live with their shame and have their real selves reflect right back at them.

[@dragongamerboi13]

It is the way to go...it is really pissing off my mother and I love it. I don't want to be anything like her.

[@TheVeritie]

Just knowing that so many other people have gone through, and are going through, the same thing, and that there is a whole body of psychology knowledge confirming my lifetime of abuse has helped me immensely. That makes me know that I'm not crazy or "unreasonable", that something is really seriously wrong with this person; it confirms that this person really is this breathtakingly calculating, petty and cruel, and that it's okay - even necessary! - to finally, finally realise that I need to run like hell. Gotta say, just that alone is enough for me. Again, Dr. Ramani, thank you.

[@littleme3597]

And they have that gleam in their eyes, when they hurt you. SICK. My mom had that look. It made her happy, to see me cry and leave the room with all her lies and accusations, and berating me.

[@lulumeyers146]

I completely agree about what you say in your post and am so happy to read that you’re seeking and seeking freedom! ❤

[@cindymcdonnell2119]

Thank you DR. R

[@boohere2]

The thing that kind of helped me is that I managed to talk to an ex of the person I was dating. That is after we broke up. So my ex's ex I talked to. I just asked her if was the same way with her as with me. Pretty much answer was yes. I thought it had only been with me, being a narcissist. It was very nice hearing that she experienced the same thing. Then I figured my ex was like this with everyone prior to me and will continue to be like that going forward, being a narcissist.

[@nanetteresearchmom3756]

Our greatest revenge is to move on and live a happy life!

[@nanetteresearchmom3756]

Sounds like 12 step recovery comment and it is.... The program to get away from them works, if you work it!

[@ourcozycorner8517]

I used to want revenge so badly, but when I was finally able to move past my own pain to really look at them & see them as they were, I let that go. Now I focus on trying to create a beautiful life and loving those in my sphere, and find that is much more meaningful.

[@galejohnson8086]

Revenge? Victory is when you no longer want revenge. Getting to the place where you can go longer and longer without thinking about them. I feel for those who can’t break free physically.

[@joshuaanzalone2060]

Yes gale the best feeling in the world is when you don't think about any of them and the ruminating is completely gone. That is the best feeling in the world. I don't hurt over my father,my family,or my child. It might hurt sometimes a little over my child but I don't overthink and I have a huge sense of peace over me from god. I don't care what any of them say think, much less what's going on in any of their lives. I don't care about toxic people. I only care about my sanity and my peace.

[@dragongamerboi13]

My mother is a raging narcissist, please send help, I may never be able to escape

[@Rickettsia505]

I get warning dreams when my ex is getting desperate and trying to figure out how to use me, (money). Now in my dream, I say no, and shut them out.

[@Gordon87Gekko]

It's been 12 years, I can't break free mentally......think about the prick everyday and I think "revenge is a dish best served cold" - Choderlos de Laclos. I can't wait to serve that dish and I wish I could stop thinking this way.

[@MiniAwesomeyeah]

My narcissist took a lot from me except for one thing. My good heart. I will never wish for anything bad for anyone, even for them. Getting revenge is just not worth it. Waste of energy. Put that energy in healing and happiness.

[@2wheelsarefun73]

What did they take from you?

[@MiniAwesomeyeah]

@@2wheelsarefun73 dignity, happiness, financial security, friendships, motivation, reputation,... And so on

[@ZLLi661]

Revenge is them no longer having access to you, their physical/ verbal abuse bag. Because you ‘grew up’ and like the responsible adult in the situation, you ‘took away’ the toy they were destroying, that is you, took away their power, and given it back to the owner, that is you. And their punishment is they are never allowed to have that toy (you) to do that again. If they get upset that has nothing to do with you, but it is all on them.

[@Grrrrrrr123]

You have literally saved my life 🙏❤️

[@lydiaanderson824]

I never wanted revenge, all that I ever really wanted was for my narcissistic family members and ex husband to see the truth of what they did to me and my daughter. To really see themselves through our eyes. To feel the horror of the damage that they inflicted upon us. I am not holding my breath, I know that will never happen. They live their sorry and empty lives and we rebuild ours and learn to thrive.

[@lesleybrown1583]

They ARE demon possessed 4 yr olds! They ARE tormented daily and for eternity if they dont repent ,watch Bill Weise 23 minuets in hell on you tube!

[@AmbrosiaK]

Dr. Ramani, you're helping heal my heart. You made me laugh and cry in the first 5 minutes! What a gift you are to victims of narcissistic abuse. ❤

[@LOVEISTRUTH300]

LOVE💖💖💖 She is a Blessing.

[@jimbear8888]

Revenge is sweet. Just sit and watch the self distruction . Occasionally,I feel bad for him but the feeling quickly disappears. I'm so thankful I've been gone over 2 years and have remained single. I'm 63 now and I've finally caught on. Thank you Ramani!♥️

[@VS-1111]

It is a very shallow life and I think how sad a life. That’s what helps me move on and stop thinking about revenge.

[@terrirobson9043]

Responding to the "post comments of your misperceptions about yourself that came from the narcissist no matter what age" My first narcissistic experience (parent) started as soon as I was born. It left me with the lifetime message of being unwanted, fearing abandonment, becoming a doormat, and being exactly what narcissists are looking for.

[@happyflower251]

Same!!

[@amac2573]

Sorry you got a Scammer replying to your comment.

[@BeingLifted]

@@amac2573 The scammer must have been reported. 🙂

[@ameliaannhouck2670]

metoo#### it never stops hurting!

[@menotyou6254]

Good times. Have you stopped that paradigm yet .? obviously I’m still working on it here’s to the journey cheers to the journey🙈🙊🙉🐒😍

[@dianaliddelow7691]

The only way I can stop desiring revenge is by ACCEPTING that the narcissist won't be changed whether I argue, cry, use sarcasm, manipulate or pay them back somehow. This program has shown me that to take care of myself I need to come to a place of radical acceptance and step back from the fight, stop giving supply. I am SO grateful for your help Dr Ramani. I feel more powerful now and am learning how to love myself enough to disengage and get on with my own life!

[@PingvinasBuratinas]

But I don’t want them to change I just want them to suffer. But just that one person who hurt me. Eye for an eye?! Revenge us sweet as well!

[@miss_8thwonder]

​@@PingvinasBuratinas *OUR VOICE & EXISTENCE REALLY MATTERS* and it is the most powerful thing on earth against those fuc**** People who are commenting revenge is not necessary They seriously deserve to be around those narcissists for more years, just because they can get away they feel entitled to say so, but not everyone has a choice, idea or chance to get away Revenge is necessary, making them taste their own medicine is what is called karma, even though it can not recover your lost thing but they are supposed to be confronted especially if you are the same age & belonged to the same unfortunate school and are taken advantage & you had been sick due to them, confronting & anger is the only way out of your depression & for your self-respect, peace but the scars of the lost thing would be still there because those f**** don't feel anything or have human emotions

[@priyankavedasharan213]

Please write a book on the journey of survival after breaking up with a narcissist as well ..

[@shimire26]

The misconception I had was that I was riddled with mental illnesses because I was crazy and a “difficult child”. It turns out the reality was I grew up in a toxic, dysfunctional family system - my brain saw right through it and my mind and body rejected it. I’ve come to learn my “symptoms” are actually symptoms of growing up with emotional abuse. I’m learning to be proud of little-me for knowing and rejecting the disconnect in reality so early on. I just so happened to be processing the disconnect through depressive or anxiety ridden states. It was my ways of coping ❤

[@lulumeyers146]

I wish all the very best for your healing and blossoming; truly. ❤✨🙏

[@WaterNymphie]

I was constantly told I "wasn't good enough." Even when teachers, an actual audience, psychologists, professionals, literally everyone else said otherwise. They think I can't make it on my own. They want me to feel small, ugly, untalented and submissive. Starting to think they are allergic to love and happiness in others.

[@diwakarvaradharajan1360]

Every time I have a relapse, I come back to your channel to feel better and you are such a life saver! Thanks for everything you do 🙂

[@doreenr.7922]

I’m not about revenge cuz dr is right it will only back fire, these ruthless heartless and soulless ppl are extremely miserable ppl, they r addicted to stuff and money while they go thru their life destroying ppls lives, who wants to waste their energy being like these types of ppl, let God deal with them, prayers to us all who’ve had to deal with these vile ppl 🙏

[@Lottehjort]

Dr Ramani it’s like you read my mind these days! It’s SO soothing to hear you talk about revenge and justice after having been through this experience, because there’s nothing more I want to than to shout from the roof tops every where who he is and what he did or send anonymous messages to certain people! But I will now instead do every thing I can to hold my head up high, praise my dignity and make the very best of me and my 2 sons lives. Thank you ❤️

[@menotyou6254]

Sending you love and strength focus and sending you love and strength know that there are good people out there cause you’re out there I’ll do the same keep listening to Dr. Ramani Dr. C is good too. Love thy self it’s free it’s delicious it’s beautiful I know it feels natural we’ve been programmed against it but circuits that fire together wire together as they say love they self then there’s no room for those bastards oops😃

[@Lottehjort]

@@menotyou6254 ❤️

[@njbnjb88]

I had many opportunities to rat him out on his people, but that's not who i am....

[@melaniebaxter6843]

Teachers have a huge role in kids lives. My son has had a few harmful teachers that have completely traumatized him. I did also. Your story is real for you. It's not stupid or pathetic. You should be proud of yourself. You videos and books have helped so many people. You are loved.

[@thecustodian1023]

Them putting the societal dysfunctional/degenerate on pedestals as if their actions are heroic isn't helping anything regarding our children or society as a whole. The only way predators proliferate is when there is an abundance of prey that won't fight back.

[@brandyoctober5923]

My cousin is a toxic narcissist who has completely torn our family apart and now she’s trying to make up stories about me to my grandmother. The scariest thing is, she’s a kindergarten teacher!

[@melaniebaxter6843]

Wow that sucks. She should not be a kindergarten teacher. My recent ex is the principal at a school for Autism.

[@melaniebaxter6843]

They are definitely predators. My sons 4th grade teacher was horrifying. I was at that school several times a week because she would have battles with my Autistic son that didn't need to be had. Then I found out she started having him face the back wall everyday and wasn't allowed to turn around. Talk about Mama Bear action.

[@maevebutler4641]

For sure this lady is so very much respected & loved

[@nadalynm.3145]

I’m going to get back at ME! I’m going to get what *I* deserve, which is a more secure ME, a better relationship, more time to do what I love, spend with my friends, etc. 😊

[@JoelC6220]

Your “revenge” is moving on with your life. Revenge is a negative energy you do NOT need. Simply move on and leave than in your dustbin of history

[@amac2573]

Please be careful of Scammers who impersonate Dr Ramani and reply to people's comments. Please do not contact them through these reply comments....IT IS A SCAM!!!!

[@user-of9bx1uk3u]

👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

[@theforensicbadass]

These people take revenge even when ur healed, have boundaries, show indifference, succeed without them... They still wanna dig ur grave. The difference is, that's when they dig their own bc you can't be buried anymore. Thanks Dr Ramini. Happy New Year to you n all survivors!!!

[@theforensicbadass]

@@No-xs1no well after surviving three attempted murders myself from the X Machiavelli, I'm here to encourage people how to stay alive and avoid murder.

[@maevebutler4641]

​@@No-xs1no Yes that does happen to a lot of women & sometimes to innocent children The most dangerous time for women occurs is when they tell the Narc that they are leaving them For any woman that intends to leave, please don't tell the Narc & walk away when it is a safe time to exit discretely & wishing you a blessed peaceful & happy life Don't fall for the love bombing or hovering that may occur Don't fall for any of it as they never ever change

[@autumn4115]

My narc used to like to say " you have such an idle mind" . I got at MBA at the most renowned university in my country and I started business where I'm celebrated around the country. I made sure to achieve all that with my idle mind ☺️

[@Kathleen5429]

Dr. Ramani, for me, living my best life was my revenge. I gave him more love, time, and kindness than I should have and I wasn’t going to give him ONE more minute to his abuse. I didn’t see him after the divorce until my kids got married. I made sure I looked my best at each wedding and the look on his face when he saw me… well, I wish someone had taken photos. And I know the way I looked at the last wedding is what he remembers. And that’s the way I got my revenge! This is one of your most important videos. I can’t thank you enough for all of your professional help.

[@Byebandit50]

Some people call this petty, but I absolutely agree! I have never talked smack or caused anyone harm, but best believe if you mistreated me, when you see me again, I’m going to look stellar and remind you of your poor decision lol 😂😂😂🫣

[@Kathleen5429]

@@Byebandit50 I agree. But not to try and get him back. I never wanted mine back. I just wanted him to see the power and freedom that I now have and that I thrive in this life of freedom. xo

[@PenninkJacob]

❤❤❤ The only "Law" we should have is to make narcissistic behavior criminal!!!!!

[@meghagupta5873]

I feel I know myself and my goals more, after realising it happened to me. I was unaware of my power before.

[@WaterNymphie]

I confess, after having experienced narcissistic abuse for so long. The one exhausting thing that I have learned is to constantly have my guard up, to keep narcissistic people out of my life. It's establishing firm boundaries cooky and calmly in the presence of these folk. I admit to being slightly paranoid about bumping into another narc. And would rather friendship unfold at snail speed than jump into another narcissistic relationship again.

[@ZLLi661]

You know what- and that is ok. You do you what you need to do. No one else is you nor can tell you how to live your life and how you should or should not make friends. Keep up the great work and live life to the full.✌️👍🏼

[@robynhamman5501]

they made me go crazy by me asking for human decency. They made me feel like i was the issue because i wanted more out of the relationship

[@humanoid1948]

I love these deep dives. As my family's scapegoat, I really need the constant reminder that there is a reason for the manipulative, cruel, and callous behavior I have experienced from people I care for deeply. Without the mental shift Dr Ramani and others provide, I would be living a constant state of confusion and despair, filling in reasons why I'm at fault for being the recipient for such contempt but having a difficult time justifying it since it never really makes sense

[@camokitty]

I don't want revenge. I just want it to stop,I want to walk away, I want peace & happiness back in my life. I know I am worthy of love & kindness. I will let Karma & God deal with the Narc. Walking away, don't care,not looking back...

[@ggold4825]

She's right when she said they change you, deep down I know and love caring for people ard me but recently I feel angry over things, and after I do it,I burst into tears in the corners of my room because it made me feel horrible as that's not me at all

[@joysjoyfultime]

it's temporary, you will back to your true personality after while.

[@amac2573]

Please be careful of Scammers who impersonate Dr Ramani and reply to people's comments. Please do not contact them through these reply comments....IT IS A SCAM!!!!

[@chipchippie]

Trying to get revenge is like starting a war that I'm never going to win. The best revenge is getting out of the narcissist's strike zone and being something they never wanted me to be - happy. There is nothing wrong with demanding people treat us better. If that is impossible for them they must be the ones that need the therapy.

[@vanhaze2000]

Feeling no need to take revenge against the narcissist. I totally let go, forgot about her and moved on with my precious Life. I thank God to have been in a horrible relationship, to awaken and buildup my inner strength. No female that can me harm anyore.

[@sandycheeks1580]

Gosh! 😭This hurt but helped me so much!!! It hurts so much to realize when I have those feelings and thoughts of revenge & wishing the universe would give me revenge. Thank you Dr. Ramani 🙏🏽

[@jamillahmuhammad-garcia2654]

Great. This really helps. I’m about to file for divorce from a narcissist. He always says I’m trying to break up this dysfunctional family. But I want a better life for me and my kids. I’m going to lead with kindness and buried all the hurt inside to get through this. 😢

[@Kathleen5429]

Just remember to not leave without remembering these important things… make sure you have been married for at least 10 years so that you get his Social Security (most important if you are a stay at home mom) and make sure you make copies of important papers (stocks, bonds, deed to the house, income tax records, bank accounts, life insurance, etc. Remember to get what YOU are entitled to. Also, get the best lawyer to help you get what you are entitled to. Don’t allow him to wear you down to get what you and the kids NEED and are entitled to. You will be glad you did this in the future for you and your kids. He will want to see you struggle. When, and if, you have to see him… make sure you look your best. Make-up and hair done and a smile on your face every time you have to see him. It will piss him off that you aren’t suffering’ and that YOUR life has gone on (and better) without him. And that’s the way I got my revenge. Live your best life.

[@Byebandit50]

@@Kathleen5429 this is excellent advice

[@jamillahmuhammad-garcia2654]

@@Kathleen5429 Thanks girl!!!! 😃😃

[@debhammersley6756]

Make sure you document things and takes notes. Be very wary that he will try and alienate your children against you and they very often so this even though your kids may truly love you and you don’t think it can happen.

[@maevebutler4641]

So glad you are going to divorce him Wishing you well for your new beginnings for yourself & for your children A very beautiful life awaits you all

[@brendamonjaras8733]

I got my revenge. I don't care. I'm not triggered anymore. I don't think about him or the situation anymore. I actually became a better psychologist, holistic therapist and more compassionate. Plus, the Universe granted and blessed me with victims of Narc abuse for me to help them heal. I had to go thru that. Thank you for the experience Narc! I am at my happiest and my best!

[@DialecticDeveloper]

Letting go of desire for revenge and building a good life instead is definitely great advice. 👏

[@Theqwert202]

“The best revenge is to be unlike him who performed the injury.” ― Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

[@stephanie5471]

I just want to be free of him! That would be my revenge. Unfortunately, I have to put up with him on an almost daily basis since I have shared custody of our child with him. It is hard to move on since he always has something he needs to throw in my face. I can’t get away…

[@CanadianBear47]

thank u for talking about strong emotions related to basically the hatred i feel. tfw most ppl dont get it

[@CanadianBear47]

I was wondering about sleep trouble and narcissistic abuse

[@melaniebaxter6843]

I have had so many Narcissistic people in my life from my adoptive mom to several intimate relationships and friends. Each intimate relationship has its less toxic points...if u will..but overall, I end up feeling like the common denominator so I'm the problem. I am also the catalyst that drives these people into immediately new relationships that appear perfect. I keep doing my work but coming down from a really long 6 years. It's so hard.

[@jolantamsk3894]

Same here! Hang in there - for YOU! Many Blessings in the New Year!🎉

[@savetrump9120]

I think that I'm a poor judge of character. I keep to myself a lot just to stay safe.

[@savetrump9120]

@@genxx2724 good comment. Nothing is her fault.

[@genxx2724]

Nope, you don’t “drive them immediately [into] new relationships that appear perfect.” They’re just doing what they always do - this time to you. YOU were the new relationship that appeared perfect to the last person they hurt. I doubt you are the common denominator. I have an inkling you’re a good target. Are you highly agreeable and easily put others’ desires above your own i.e. a doormat? Toughen up your exterior. Move with purpose. Always keep your mind on what you need to do next. That keeps your eyes from looking soft and receptive. Fulfill your goals and responsibilities, and they won’t gravitate to you. You need to be a tough, moving target; not a soft, comfy sitting duck.

[@maevebutler4641]

theGoing no contact is the greatest gift that you can give yourself & finding a trauma focused therapist to help you heal

[@tishpulp]

The best revenge is, “After all that we’re strangers again”.

[@chiamaka767]

Omg this is soooo specific!

[@AK-ui1zl]

You guys know that old saying “if you can’t beat them, join them”? That’s what will happen if you seek revenge on a Narcissist. Narcissistic people lack love and empathy for others. Forgiveness is the ultimate expression of love and empathy. When you forgive them and move on and grow into a better version of yourself, you do not stoop to their level of narcissism (it’s a spectrum and we are all on it) and you actually get revenge because they will see your growth and know your supply is not only more valuable, but forever unobtainable by them again. Forgive yourself, then forgive the narcissist. Be blessed. Be well.

[@cameronjohnston3186]

You live well. That’s the best revenge

[@emilyobermeyer2720]

Dr. Ramani your explanations and vignettes are spot on. My father displayed all these characteristics. When he left he quickly found another partner and started his psychological games with us. This poor person tried to reach out and embrace us. I am sure she was a nice person. Anyway, no more than six months later she called, "Tell your mom," she said, "that she was a saint."

[@ellie_j.]

I have no desire to take revenge, her existence is already punishment enough. But I would like to see some semblance of Justice, and to me, justice would be for the enablers and flying monkeys to get a little dose of the narcissist poison! To me, those who enable the atrocious behaviors and believe the lies (or simply turn a blind eye to it!) are worse than the narcissist herself.

[@micheledoddkelton6598]

It’s like a opening the lid on a basket of snakes the whole family is in on it and his acquaintances just praise his antics the validation he seeks to help that low self esteem is nauseating

[@QQuandary]

I was never a revenge type of person. Because of the narcissists in my adult life, I understand why people want revenge. I still don't want revenge because I want to heal much more than revenge. I want to live in happiness again. I also want to prevent this happening to someone else. Dealing with a narcissist and having mental issues is a horrible combination. No one deserves this. If you see this happening, please help them. Those that have mental issues usually can't see what is going on. Also, the narcissist will use the weaknesses of the mental issues against this person. For example: I'm slower at doing tasks than the average person because of my ADHD. My wife hated me going so slow, so she would try to force me to go faster. When I tried to go faster, I would make tons of mistakes, and I would actually go slower. After each time, I began to hate myself. My wife would tell me that I'm lazy and I didn't want to do anything. I tried fight against these things; however, I was going slow. In the process, I hated myself more.

[@katherineraquelle1930]

I had the exact same struggle as you when I was younger except with my narcissistic mother

[@QQuandary]

@@katherineraquelle1930 I don't know if you have ADHD. As a general rule, kids can't go fast, and pressuring them to go faster is abuse in my book. Narcissist tend to want everyone to match their standards. They don't care if anyone can meet those standards. They are really harsh on those who are even close to the standards. That's why kids and those who have mental issues is so abused by the narcissist.

[@Chahlie]

I've told this story before but.... I had gone no contact with my family, but my sister was still determined to literally kill me....I ran into her and her husband in the parking lot at the supermarket. They were walking towards me and for a moment I froze, and then remembered...I continued walking towards them, gave a big smile and said "Beautiful day!" (it was actually drizzling).... he mumbled ya it is and I do believe he had to restrain her from tearing my throat out. It helped that I looked great and she looked utterly dreadful. This scenario is a huge lesson in how to deal with them. Just live your best life :)

[@genxx2724]

You bounced them with no concern, just a breezy impersonal comment. Well done!

[@tokyomurillo4443]

This insight is sooo helpful, the 'vindictiveness to be seen or heard' in the survivor. Very different from the domination vindictiveness of the narcissist. Thank you Dr Ramani for all you do to help understand and heal!

[@brianb7869]

Liked based on handle alone.

[@amac2573]

Please be careful of Scammers who impersonate Dr Ramani and reply to people's comments. Please do not contact them through these reply comments....IT IS A SCAM!!!!

[@Christ100]

One is holy wrath, the other low demonic spite.

[@brianb7869]

She gets volumn shifted and spam added in a weird way. F the D.S.

[@taragetter]

I also think that part of the revenge angle is validation of the abuse. My ex-husband continues to try to control and abuse me and undermine my role as a mother, even post-divorce and with a new girlfriend. Because the abuse is so insidious (at times) with narcissists, it’s a mental battle to remind yourself that it happened- especially when other people, including family court just won’t acknowledge it. That’s the understanding that I have about my desires for revenge- but I recognize the toxicity and how it does nothing to support and love my kids. But I get it. I feel for survivors because it’s incredibly lonely at times.

[@pauladams1915]

The best advice I received was "Forgive them. Not because they deserve forgiveness but because you deserve peace of mind"

[@TxHoneyBee]

@@AnHeC I agree with you 100%. You can have total peace knowing you won't forgive an abuser. Forgiving evil is toxic.

[@anthonyosborne]

Living well is the best revenge. That is something my good friend and ex-sister-in-law has often said to me since her sister ruined my, and her, life. I'm a musician and have done far more in music since my ex-wife left me for another source. I did fantasise about revenge for a long time but I'm better than that - being themselves is the worst punishment!

[@Rickettsia505]

Have joy.

[@mattymoi]

My grandmother used to say "Never let the sun set on your anger".

[@tamravincent5097]

True. Now how to let go and move on emotionally is where most people get stuck. They already see that they need to do this but just can’t figure out how.

[@therealist2000]

For me, I want to run away and begin therapy

[@Hihopeyouhaveawonderfulday]

The best revenge is your absolute silence and equanimity. They self-destruct.

[@mrcuthbertgriswald]

Your success is the greatest revenge you will ever need.... Just keep on truckin' like they arent anything but flies on your windscreen...anything more than that will bring your down to their level - where they can beat you with experience....

[@dadsfreetimeclassicgaming1220]

I'm glad you posted this. I was pretty hurt when my narc wife started triangulating and everyone was pretty cold towards me. But I don't have time for fake friends and I do think it's very sad that a woman 5 years my senior is so petty. It's a new year. Time to live better and be better.

[@kaylynnanson6231]

"Revenge" is moving forward with what you've learned and worked through, your head held high without looking down your nose at anyone.

[@Millions_Knives777]

I honestly feel safe and validated in this space. Finally realizing that I'm not crazy or overreacting (as they say..) because narcs behavior in my life is empowering. So many things are resonating. I've learnt to suppress my emotions because self expression throws narcs into a rage and they punish you. If they aren't happy, you can't be happy. It's taking a while to unlearn since I've been numbing myself since childhood.

[@llpolluxll]

I've definitely thought about getting back. The thought doesn't last because it's exactly what my abuser would do.

[@katherinekelly5380]

‘Living well is the best revenge’ ❣️

[@olgasampis9745]

The best revende is a life well lived, and never look back!

[@thenorthface4]

I’m at $4,000 in attorney fees right now in a divorce with a cheating abusive narc and there isn’t even paperwork drawn yet. They are really good at jacking up the fees and talking you in circles. Believe me revenge was on my mind literally 24/7… I’m redirecting my focus to my passions and recovery. Living a good and happy life is seriously the best revenge because your narc is extremely unhappy and miserable.

[@Rickettsia505]

I had to serve my ex with "hurry up" papers.

[@carriebradshaw168]

Dr Ramani, you are my oxygen in my mental health. Thank you for sharing your knowledge and expertise. You just saved me... God bless you!!!

[@lorimullen3680]

Yes, I have burted out loud to them, "If I have to learn Voodoo, I'm going to help your life feel what you purposely did to my life!"

[@manapeace]

Success is the best revenge.

[@brandyoctober5923]

I think so too

[@BeatGoat]

The best revenge is moving on. Give it time, you'll see that not caring anymore and living your life is the best thing you can do. I met my narc ex after having healed, and it was cathartic to see how crushing it was for him to realize that his tricks no longer worked on me.

[@dailywisdomwordsshirleysat4005]

I don’t want revenge. I just want them permanently forgotten 😅

[@user-dn8hd6xn1e]

I’ve played that “get them back” game and twenty years later it’s still one of my biggest personal regrets.

[@civirebel]

Narcs fight, as they love the drama, a wasted endeavor as far as I'm concerned. If you're out, count your blessings and take note of what to avoid.

[@lauhz6342]

No revenge but I wanted my ex husband apologies, and actually he did many times and after each one he treated me worse, he was draining and left me empty. Being an immigrant with no family in the US he treated me many times about my situation and one of those times he kicked me out (and of course he apologized with tears and I decided to forgive him and give him another chance) and lucky me that is the first step of my healing journey. I am feeling so much better, I'm focusing on myself, I have been taking therapy and letting go things about my childhood. Even now I have a boyfriend who doesn't add drama to my life, we are taking it slow and see if things between us works. My exhusband refused to sign the divorce and end it in good terms, still sending me text asking me be friends, now I know that he will never apologize.

[@2cents577]

I think my abuser suffers just from the fact that I’ve severed that relationship. I’m still recovering after two years of severing that relationship. I’m still angry but the anger gets less and less every day and I feel stronger every day. It sucks that it takes so long. It took me forever to even identify my abuser as a narcissist….. I didn’t understand the definition. I think I hurt for so long because I am so empathetic that I can’t understand how someone can be a narcissist (so cruel, selfish and destructive).

[@DaddyBrodes]

My ex wife Clarence destroyed my life with her lies, costing me jobs, my home, friends and relationships. She still lies about me to this day after she was the one who was very abusive in the most subtle ways and accuses me of things that she did. Is it vindictive that I hope to never see or hear from her again and don't want people to believe the lies? I said this before, I don't want revenge, I really just wish I could get the years back that were stolen from me by that evil liar.

[@connieacacia5791]

I'm so broken right now. I can't imagine a person willingly treating people so terribly. I shook

[@brandyoctober5923]

I needed this video today. My narcissist cousin has totally torn apart our family and it makes me so angry and i feel so helpless

[@sudhakhristmukti1930]

I had 4 mean cousins ...2 who wanted to dominate me...the other 2 jealous beyond words when I worked hard as a young woman...(while they lazed around) and were mean backbiters. Two toxic aunts, one who had a cold caustic tongue she unleashed at me as I had no sibling, although her two daughters were totally cared for by my mother whenever they were sick & they all stayed for long periods of time at our home everytime, disrupting my school-studies, & the other one wanted to backbite & gossip about everyone in the family. A verbally & emotionally abusive uncle...who in my early 20's thought my helpful & empathetic self was their prime target for taunts, sarcasm etc. Avoided them totally and never saw them again ever. Time & time again when so-called blood disrespects, abuses and tries to take advantage, hurting and destroying self-esteem...time to block & walk away. They will stoop to smear campaigns after that. But God is watching them...they will have to give an account to Him...in this life and beyond.

[@catherinepraus8635]

So on spot again 😊 morning everyone thanks Doc your voice is so soothing to me have a wonderful day

[@anaphylaxis2548]

@@muhammedsuleiman8099 Go away troll

[@jeanetteshawredden5643]

@@anaphylaxis2548 I report these scammers

[@davidJohnsonguitarguy]

Talking to a receptive relative who has experienced the narcissist, and wishes to remain anonymous was very healing. I feel like I acknowledged (the person) and (the person) acknowledged me.

[@julietgover2832]

I don't need or want revenge, just peace. Revenge makes me no better than the narcissist.

[@kathryncothern3433]

No revenge. Moving forward while always being true to yourself, with the lessons of what narcissistic behavior is all about tucked in your toolbox, is the gift to give yourself. ❤

[@georgeharris7448]

Blessings Dr. Ramani, thank you so much for the work you do. ❣

[@amac2573]

Please be careful of Scammers who impersonate Dr Ramani and reply to people's comments. Please do not contact them through these reply comments....IT IS A SCAM!!!!

[@metteroansyvertsen3728]

Where can I write you dr Ramani ?

[@benedictaanyigba9817]

Happy birthday to you Dr Ramani

[@amac2573]

Please be careful of Scammers who impersonate Dr Ramani and reply to people's comments. Please do not contact them through these reply comments....IT IS A SCAM!!!!

[@Angela-tt5ik]

Leaving gave me the power; I wasn't a victim anymore so that was my "revenge."

[@Pozativ1]

I've grown a lot and learned so much from you in the past 3 years. I feel like an empowered man. Meanwhile, my narcissistic ex is still as toxic as ever as she continues to use and abuse men.

[@amac2573]

Please be careful of Scammers who impersonate Dr Ramani and reply to people's comments. Please do not contact them through these reply comments....IT IS A SCAM!!!!

[@AlSabado-at-alsabado-com]

I asked God to vindicate me and that must be enough. I now focus on living life peacefully. And you know what? How amazing it is to find out that taking care of oneself takes so much time and initiates so much joy! Wishing all my fellow narc survivors a blessed life ahead. 😊💐🇵🇭