How to Get Your Toddler to Stop Hitting | Dad University

[@viscomchris]

I understand the staying calm step. That makes complete sense. I do not understand what to do besides punishing. This is the part I'm struggling with. If there are no consequences to the behavior, how do you stop the behavior?

[@cesarramirez2051]

Correct

[@Amazonian11]

It's not necessarily about "stopping" the behavior, but about diverting the behavior. It's kind of like, there's always going to be a behavior, just like we can't temporarily cease to exist, for example, and then come back shortly and continue living (to get all philosophical); They don't get to skip out on acting **something** out. There's always something manifesting; In this case it's a behavior that is **in response to** a thought or feeling they're having. You're teaching them what to do in the instance of that thought or feeling other than take aggression out on others. There will always be a behavior in that moment, and maybe it will always be an aggressive one. But you teach them to hit a pillow instead of a person, or if its possible that the aggression can be diverted entirely, you teach them to touch people gently instead.

[@Gab.TXE1234]

My 2.5 year old is hitting, hair pulling, eye gouging and choking people. I really hope this works. I’m at my wits.

[@TheChach19]

Thank you for this. Our toddler is currently in a little phase and it can get very frustrating. I appreciate your perspective and love your channel.

[@DadUniversity]

Have you checked out the free webinar?

[@wdshields]

I care for my granddaughter full time when her parents are at work. She is 17 months and has been hitting off and on since about 12 months. Lately it has gotten worse again and also kicks and pulls hair now. When I say “soft hands” and demonstrate it, or say “please stop - that hurts” with the hand sign for hurts, and/or I make a sad face to show expression she only starts hitting or kicking more or even then goes for pulling my hair. I have tried all the tactics listed by many professionals and remain calm, but these tactics make her laugh and get more aggressive. Sometimes I can walk away or remove her from the situation, but when she is on the changing table that isn’t as much of an option. Plz help with more advice for when calmness and a show of emotions or empathy makes the behavior worse?

[@eunoiavision7567]

Same here. And they know when you're in vulnerable situation that can't quickly be fixed. Our daughter is the same.

[@mamabearmaeziebear8894]

Same exact thing happening with my daughter who has been hitting since about that age maybe a little earlier. She's 20 months and I have tried all the tricks and tactics but she does the same thing.

[@EstheticallyZhaneLLC]

Same here 😢 my child is currently 20 months

[@imralav]

This channel is a godsend. Me and my little one are not at this phase just yet, but I am getting prepared, so that I am not caugh off guard. Thank you for this content, good sir.

[@dicksontharakan1810]

Thank you. The video was very useful.

[@Kristin_MommyBreakdown]

My friend is having trouble with her child hitting. Sending this to her. Thanks!!

[@donnareynolds2089]

Toddler got kicked out of daycare for hitting anyone that comes near him, he screams shut up and spits pushes chairs over. We don't spit in this house or say shut up. He got it from other kids at daycare. It's getting bad he throws cars st his brother for no reason.

[@happymommy4693]

It's so frustrating at times🥹🥹

[@balia1214]

Thanks for the video and tips!! :) I totally agree with this approach. However, I have a question: Talking in a calm way to a toddler and explaining what is the right way to behave requires that the toddler is also emotionally in a position to listen to you. How to deal with if the toddler is crying so that it will not be a harsh reaction (eg changing room quickly by separating it from another child) or to make it not seem as a punishment? Thank you in advance!

[@ashlynmugisha6295]

Thank you very much

[@hienienguyen6766]

hitting is common for my son. it's so hard and frustrating to know what to do especially when it gets too far. i am learning to call parental stress lines when i don't know how to handle it. i do tell my son stop you shouldn't do that. being calm is hard to do when your kid goes overboard

[@dchmpayne]

Same here. This video helps allot when you were raised with disciplinary violence. It helps to learn about stopping that cycle. Don't want to become my dad.

[@SamuelSabharwal_UK]

My one-year-old baby hurts me,and it is ok, I can even stay calm, but when he hurts others and those babies hit him hard in return, it is difficult to see. For children of this age, no is nothing. Whenever he meets other toddlers, he scratches faces, pulls hairs and slaps them for no reason, and then gets beaten up.😢😢

[@cesarramirez2051]

Do the opposite get loud and assertive maybe he’ll listen then. People are too soft now a days.

[@cesarramirez2051]

@@SamuelSabharwal_UKyou are failing as a parent buddy

[@SamuelSabharwal_UK]

@@cesarramirez2051 and shouting on him and making him afraid of you would be winning the game yeah😂😂 then am good to be failed, at least my son comes to hug me when he’s scared of anything, he knows only am the one who loves him unconditionally,

[@Mitzu011189]

My son it's a two year old Who cant speak yet (he has some issues)... When someone wants to take advantage of him or If someone wants to grab his stuff he HITS. I believe because he cannot say NO for himself. I often try to talk nice to him (we dont hit, play nice) but he just wont stop hitting. What should I do?... Isn't it okay to take him inside for the rest of the day and do that everytime until he gets along with the other kids without hitting them?.. If not... I really need a book or something to learn about the DISCIPLINE you talk in your video about. Thanks!... You and your videos are amazing.

[@DadUniversity]

I think role playing would help. Get some stuffed animals and re-create the situations. Being this young, he just doesn't know what to do. Hitting seems like a good solution to him. He needs to be shown over and over and over what he can do. Not being able to speak may get him even more frustrated because he may want to but can't.

[@damianowski]

Great video! Thanks for sharing

[@amyliz7961]

Any advice for toddlers who hit and throw things for fun, out of happiness?

[@isaackelly5118]

Whenever my 2 year old doesn't get what he wants wether it's food or water or doesn't want to sleep he starts hitting his head or hitting us and he's a big boy. He even gets to the point where he head butts us. Anything he doesn't want that's what he results to we try to stay calm but sometimes it's super frustrating when really tries to hurt himself or us. He doesn't speak a lot very little but he shows us what he wants qnd we as parents can't give him juice all the time and fruit all the time we also have to sleep at some point please reply

[@DadUniversity]

He is trying to express emotions and doesn't know how. For now, give him another way to express his emotions. A towel to squeeze, his own shirt, etc. Then in calmer moments, begin to teach him about emotions and what to do.

[@eseoru8486]

Thank you, my challenge is my toddler are twins a boy and a girl but they fight Alot

[@aeldarahh]

My nephew is 3 and he has been hitting adults, other children and taking their toys, mom is getting frustrated and nothing she is doing seems to work help!!

[@aeldarahh]

She doesn’t know what the cause is as everyone is nice to him

[@angelasaavedra9543]

I am STILL dealing with my 10 year-old hitting and biting his older brother who is 11. It just never ends and I have never been able to stop it. It just happened tonight, after he lost in a board game. He couldn't accept the truth that he lost, and accused his older brother of cheating. When his older brother wouldn't "admit" to cheating, he went on a hitting rampage and really hurt his brother. He also threw the game board and pieces at him and put cuts all over his legs. I stood there helpless, unable to help my older son. If I try to pull the little one away, he gets more fierce and really hurts me. This behavior has been happening since he was 2.

[@DadUniversity]

Have you ever brought the child to a professional or therapist?

[@angelrussell1616]

My son is 7 and go to school and is always hitting others l. I get where you coming from. It sucks for me because I can't be there to stop it. 4 days straight he hitting other kids, just had to buy another glasses because he broke them this hard because I have a 14 year and never experience this with her so this is hard on me. I know they say don't be aggressive but it hard when you a single parent have to deal with everything.

[@torikareny4231]

My son is 18 months and he hits when we carry him and he is smiling idk what to do

[@DadUniversity]

Continue to show him what soft and nice is. Show the alternative. It doesn't change overnight.

[@Sean-ho3wd]

I agree with most everything being taught on these pages. I came here to specifically see about the hitting situation as it is a bit different circumstances than the typical toddler tantrum or being defiant stuff. . My wife and I are applying the strategies discussed in some of your other videos. In life there are REAL consequences for violence to others. I am not confident someone truly learns those consequences without a firm hand after breaking them. Once the warnings are intentionally broken, talk is now cheap, here's what happens when you do this. Dad grabs you and makes you look him in the eyes, forcibly if needed, " I understand you are frustrated but you do NOT take your anger out on people". Its been effective so far. In the moment, no extra punishment, timeouts or whatever. Here's what DOES happen if you choose this route. We do talk about it more after he calms down and I get it, he's just 2, a smart 2 but a toddler. Fear is an important part of society and life. Fear keeps you alive. Fear of the real consequences that you understand are NOT just talk because you have experienced them. Other people or kids might hit back, put you in jail, etc. And no, it does NOT make me feel good when I have to be stern, something you said in one of your other videos. " the punishment only makes YOU feel good". You sought better help AFTER your toddler phase according to one of those videos. Did you ever cross the line or come up to it in terms of being " stern or forceful?" Did you get to apply these concepts to a toddler of your own or just talk about these things after the fact. Hindsight is 20 20 as they say. Thanks

[@DadUniversity]

How old is the child?

[@Sean-ho3wd]

@@DadUniversity Hey thanks for the reply and again for the wealth of information you have accumulated and shared. My son is 2.5 y/o

[@Amazonian11]

Late to the party here, but my son is now the age yours was when you posted this, and I'm very on the fence about a more forceful (not like, physical force and anger, I'm very good at remaining calm), stern approach vs. the "showing what to do instead" approach. I completely agree that ultimately fear is part of how we made it here (humanity), but I'm also and big into psychology and wondering if it might be worth foregoing more of the sternness (at this age) for a more gentle approach. Now your son would be about 3.5, if you see this comment would you mind updating on how things are going for you, and what techniques you might be using? Thanks, from another toddler Dad.

[@tziirkq]

I'm having a slightly different problem. My toddler kicks, he thinks it's fun, when he's getting his nappy changed or going to sleep.y wife does map time because I work away from home. He doesn't kick or thrash at me, and I dunno what is different. It's driving her spare, she feels a bit useless and I can't give advice because I don't know why it's different when I do bed time. I need help for my wife's sanity.

[@aperez6775]

I liked this video. What should I say when she hits me out of fun.

[@DadUniversity]

Same thing. Hitting isn't a form of playing in my opinion. Of course others may feel differently

[@DadUniversity]

Say " we don't hit". If you feel comfortable wrestling then you could suggest that If You and the child are looking to be physical

[@aperez6775]

@@DadUniversity thats exactly what I tell her. I say " we don't hit" 😆😆😆😆😆

[@aperez6775]

@@DadUniversity what do I do if my child tears people's papers up in the after-school program

[@DadUniversity]

Do you know why your child does this? Does a specific situation happen before this?

[@marktra8two]

My 20 month old is hitting for anything and everything he doesn't want to do.

[@moneyparhar]

We have 3 year old in preK. Everyday we get compliments from his teachers that he is hitting other kids. We just getting sick and tired hearing. We try to tell him do not hit friends. He said he will not do it again but he does same nxt day. I don't know if he understands what we saying or what he means by not hitting. Can u give any help. Thanks

[@DadUniversity]

Have you tried every technique in the video over and over and over and over again? Change doesn't happen overnight

[@KyrstOak]

That's not a compliment, that's a complaint.

[@rodolfolegaria10]

I need help. So my 3 year old gets mad quickly and looses it. I tried talking to him calmly and letting him know is not okay and do not give ouchies to people. But he doesn't want stop I let him know that ima give him some time to relax and calm down but he follows me and starts hitting me. What can I do?

[@muffinGirl00]

My niece (2 years) is very happy when she hits her cousin (1y9m) and more happy when we Tell her that it’s Hurting him and he is sad. It’s very hard for me to watch this, i Said her that he woun’t Play with her if she hits him

[@Elseyfamily]

I personally have had a few situations with my kiddo. She slapped my wife in the face and I stepped in calm but serious while holding her hands saying “hitting is bad, no no. That hurts. “ the. I followed up by taking her hands and softly touching my wives face telling her be nice and gentle. Then 5 min later same thing only even worse. So in a simple and calm manner a picked her up and smacked her butt 2 times. Firm but not enough to cause physical pain (more of a stun effect). Then calmly after I did the same exact thing as before. And she said sorry and hugged my wife. Hang really done it since. .

[@westcoastmex629]

The problem is my 3 yr old understands hitting hurts which is the reason why he hits when he is upset . 😅

[@kaseyisballar]

My son is 1 and usually hits are followed by laughter. Like he thinks he’s playing or it’s funny. 😔

[@DadUniversity]

How do you typically respond when he does it?

[@kaseyisballar]

@@DadUniversity We tell him no hitting and be nice

[@DadUniversity]

Does he know what be nice is yet? It will probably take a while and lot of showing him

[@monicamimii3316]

I’ll never aggressive to the kids☺️

[@METAL__MECHANIC]

My son is 2 and a half. He hits for apparent reason. He doesn't have to be mad. We try gentle parenting and not spanking. Telling him hitting doesn't feel good etc. He will say sorry and be remorseful but 10 minutes later do it again My wife gets the brunt of it and it is really upsetting her. Not sure what to do.

[@hmoodalghamdi3194]

I have exactly the same situation with my son who is the same age as yours. It makes me really upset. sometimes, he refuses to say sorry. Did these parenting tips work with your son ?

[@eunoiavision7567]

I'm watching a ton of videos to try to fix our toddler's hitting issue. So far nothing is working.@@hmoodalghamdi3194

[@charlesw5357]

People parent however they want but just like in life there are consequences to your actions and that's something you should learn as soon as possible.

[@jessicaste-croix5581]

What if they think it’s funny? My child is 3… I need help

[@DadUniversity]

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[@meenailham1984]

Hello my son 3 year old now start preschool but daily camplan he beating He posh some one I try very best But please tell me what ido because I’m very upset? Please reply

[@DadUniversity]

Is he able to talk? Are you understanding why he does it? Fear, doesn't like sharing, or something else? Teaching him different ways to communicate will be the key

[@jerrychen6716]

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[@andrewtruong1849]

Thank you a lot