How to Help and Change Toxic Players - Part 2

[@6string42]

I've never played a single game of D&D in my life. I stumbled onto this channel by way of KZbin rabbit hole suggestions. I started on part 1, and now I'm on pt 2. I cant speak for D&D players whatsoever, but this entire video applies to life in general. These "players" are people that we all encounter at some point. Also, your voice needs to be on audiobooks! I'd listen to you narrate a 1974 Toyota Camry owners manual if you recorded it!

[@TheSmart-CasualGamer]

Someone buy him those instructions.

[@dizzykincade7831]

DND is a game where people use imagination to tell a story. The game is the rules to the story. The GM (Guy) is the body, the players are the faith and the Rules are the god. Guy is a Great GM. Seriously. Check out his series as GM on “Save or Dice”.

[@MW-ty5zw]

Addressing behavior only works if it's directed at a decent human being to begin with. Else the person will end up being all defensive and you will not get anywhere.

[@aaronghunter]

Certainly, and if someone doesn't respond to feedback appropriately, it is the prerogative of the organizer or GM to invite them to leave, just as it was their responsibility to provide the opportunity for change.

[@PiccoTerra]

it depends on your way to frase it and thair way to handle feedback. I have been in the past upset about feedback and it took me some time to reflect on it. Especially online it is good to keep in mind that different cultures address this differently.

[@Nerd_Gamer_Buddy]

yeah ive had god modders but some that were decent were willing to talk about it. but the others just dont rp with them

[@DuckieMcduck]

But you do get somewhere. You've gotten evidence that person is not worth your time and now you may either move or kick them out without worry.

[@arlaxazure486]

So... I have a certain Paladin character in our group. He's snarky, he actively refuses spell buffs and healing from the party, he prefers to do things on his own, he (was) up-in-arms with the party's bard, and hardly ever put his heart into anything. One of the players confronted me about it outside the game and asked if I was either trying to kill off my character or if I didn't like the group anymore. I'm a person who aspires to be like Travis from Critical Role. When it comes to group story-telling and RPGs, he's my idol. So my personality had huge conflicts with the character I was playing. It took some time and a few repeats, but I was able to convey my Paladin not only had reasons for being condescending to the party and everyone they meet, but why he refuses to accept help and tries to do things on his own. There were times I had my Paladin charge in and take needless blows to the face when someone else had better dodging capabilities coupled by shouting out "Go, you idiots! I'll hold them off as long as I can! Thief; Disarm the damn trap and open the door already!" The character I play is an ass. He's not nice. Decent charisma and of Lawful Good nature, but an ass all the same. What some of the players didn't see was the undertone motives of his actions. He refuses healing in order to reserve the healer's spells for something he would consider more useful, he charges to the frey head-first in order to buy everyone else time to set up their plans, he's poor with his words because he'd rather take 2 minutes addressing situations than spend 3 hours clinking cups at the tavern for information, and he's an ass to his party because they're constantly poking fun at his half-orc heritage calling him "pig face" and making crude bacon jokes; especially the damn bard. Sometimes, it really is just a matter of talking to the player that's supposedly toxic. They could really just be trying to weave their own story around the party.

[@tillerintoxicated6917]

As this is a really good point. I feel like it's a rarity that a character be toxic (other than in experienced play) and not the player

[@guntisveiskats6053]

Arlax Wolf, didn't you consider telling other players these hidden motives? Especially if even someone of your group even showed s/he was puzzled about it? OK, their characters would not know that, but is there any problem with difference between player knowledge and PC knowledge?

[@arlaxazure486]

The thing is, I *did* tell them I was going to be a jerk of a Paladin. I've stated over and over he has personal problems in his own standing within his Order. However, my interest in telling them character motives was dismissed when the Bard began poking racial fun at his half-orc lineage and then the others followed. I thought this was a good opportunity to *really* make them feel bad when it finally comes out just how protective he was of his group. And thankfully it worked. We recently finished up a session where my Paladin took blow after blow from a Sword Golem in an effort to protect the Bard. The player who plays the party Healer couldn't show, so it was pretty much doomed from the start. It was a very emotional scene watching this oaf of a jerk get stabbed and slashed and not move an inch from his spot, screaming "Go! Get out of here!" and "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!!!" And then the Golem dealt its final blow with both bladed arms, impaling the Half-Orc through his gut and silencing the protector. His final words gurgled with blood were "G... Go... Run..." before he slumped to the ground. I think that was the moment it really did dawn on everyone my Paladin really would stick his neck out for them.

[@guntisveiskats6053]

Cool. Tabletop RPGs can really be transformational. Looks like you did it spectacularly.

[@TrickyTrickyFox]

And that's why I'm ALWAYS doing session zero for any new adventure. All of the quircks, all of the "I want my character be X" - UPFRONT AND NOW, otherwise it will be considered as you are doing it because you are "that guy / girl". ESPECIALLY if your party didn't "only just now meet up in the same tavern for no reason out of dumb luck and discovered each other because you were the only people in the tavern that started fighting when and orcish patrol ran into the tavern and started slaughtering everyone" (though, it's a fun place to begin any adventure - with SLAUGHTER AND CARNAGE >:D)

[@maidenchynna2725]

I really do appreciate this video. Cause people like me can sometimes seem like a jerk when really just have no idea that I'm doing something that bothers people.

[@sirhamalot8651]

I had a friend who was shocked to realize that he was perceived as bossy and controlling. He asked us to say a code word, "bink," when we saw him do this so that he would be able to analyze the situation and correct himself. That was one of the most mature things I've ever seen someone do...and we binked him a lot!

[@jonathanolson978]

Thank you for covering a difficult topic in a forgiving way! I can be a bit domineering at the table, but I’m going to talk to my group and apologize then try to be more cooperative.

[@PerfectChaosZeta]

"throw our metal dice at you" I'm looking at my D8 and I'm pretty sure I could kill a man with this thing.

[@BlackRainRising]

as soon as he said that I started laughing, my group has made several threats back and forth at each other about throwing our metal dice to either get each others' attention or make a point or punish the player for a derp action of a character. Of course we wouldn't actually do this, but it's funny the jokes we make

[@itisALWAYSR.A.]

Literally roll d8 damage

[@mythictemplar1]

A metal d4 actually does a d4 in damage.

[@jaffarebellion292]

Roll a d4, deal 1d4 piercing damage to target's car tires.

[@Nerketur]

Man, I needed that bout of humor. "Silenct" Thank you for making my day, Guy. Thank you.

[@notoriouswhitemoth]

There's a player at my table who I see as timid. She doesn't let herself be creative because, having come from an abusive home, she's afraid to draw attention to herself - so when I see her next, I mean to ask her what I can do to help her feel more comfortable expressing herself, because I do like her as a person, when she lets herself get creative she's absolutely brilliant, but her defaulting to tweeness and self-soothing has a tendency to be cloying and suck all the energy out of the room.

[@Blindeyes1431]

I very much like this video because it's one I can link to the type of person who need to hear it and not have it be such a hostile conversation. It's a great ice breaker to show that WE want this to work and this amazing community is going to help us do it.

[@guntisveiskats6053]

Sometimes it may be difficult to talk it out. Especially if one of the parties is low on empathy and/or self esteem. One makes the person hard to see the point, other makes it difficult to speak without raising voice or crying. The best way to deal with such issues is for GM/facilitator to set firm boundaries of what is and what isn't allowed at the table. And do it before the first session, so everybody knows it upfront.

[@BaronVonFisticuffs]

Shout-out from Albuquerque! We're in New Mexico, USA, and have a thriving gaming community out here!

[@thatsembarrassing7315]

Hey! I'm actually from ABQ and I've been trying to find some decent stores to get game stuff from. Sorry to bug you, but would you happen to have any suggestions?

[@jodinim6508]

Listening to this one has been therapy for me.

[@hatredy555]

After watching both parts I realize that getting kicked out of my last group was the best thing that ever happened to me. The GM was a bully (your character is reacting the way I wanted) and the players were 2 Non-Participators, and a Timid. This, I'll admit, turned me into a toxic player, that of the Jerk. The GM on 3 separate occasions tried to make my character evil (and succeeded in the 3rd attempt) just to "advance his story." I told him twice I would kill the party if he did that. He still made me evil and (even crazier) let me still play the character. To put the story in a nutshell, the PCs were part of a prophecy to rid the world of the evil that was controlling the world. The way I saw it, evil's primary goal was to stop the prophecy. So, after becoming evil, I collapsed the tower that everyone was in (they couldn't escape) and teleported away to safety. It was a jerk move, and I told the GM my problems and nothing happened. The game went on for 2 years like this and another year later I realize that was the best thing that happened to me. The group I'm in now isn't toxic and, even though the playtime is shorter, is more fun.

[@pietrayday9915]

I've kind of noticed over the years that toxic GMs tend to gravitate toward forcing epic stories depending on players fulfilling prophecies in their games! Perhaps we should take "your player must do X because Prophecy..." as a strong early indicator that a campaign will go south over the long haul!

[@RunyaEithelNar]

I like that You are for helping and changing toxic players, because now only solution you can find on internet is "cut them off/kick them out". Especially that it's easier to do online than irl. I found that some people try to be "good guys" for giving very vague comment and later get on their high horse [I call this passive-agressive solution, because in their opinion "they tried", when really it didn't help at all] and kick out of group.

[@davidnesmith8254]

I just convinced my friend/toxic player to take a break from d&d a few days ago since he seemed to be burnt out especially with real life issues but I left out that he most of the time ruins the games by complaining about the game when it's not going his way or that he don't pay attention to the game itself hopefully my next session as a GM I won't feel too bad about telling him to take a break

[@GaryFromLiberty]

I'm not usually a commenter but I know you're looking for feedback on the onscreen lists so here's mine... I really like the titles on screen, it adds a lot of structure to the videos. It may be minor and may or may not be worth it but I think instead of showing the whole list, adding the list to the topic as you mention it (so in a list of 4 items, it would be a slide with the first one, a slide with the first two, then three, then a slide with all four) would be really nice. In my opinion that would add a lot and if you wanted to go above and beyond you could add links to the time each topic comes up in the description so people revisiting a video to listen to a specific part of it again, they can find it very easily. Keep up the great content, you're on your way to 100k!

[@Blindeyes1431]

Absolutely agree, great idea!

[@larsdahl5528]

Yes, or keep displaying the list as it is, but display the current topic in a different color.

[@GaryFromLiberty]

That works as well, I suggested the one at the time thing because I have a habit of reading the whole list on screen and then missing what he just said and having to backtrack a couple seconds. But I imagine very few people have that problem lol

[@guntisveiskats6053]

True.

[@crystalheart9]

@@larsdahl5528 Nice Idea Too!

[@HLR4th]

Great conclusion to an ever important topic. Loved how gently you dealt with it, reminding us that we may be the issue. The tone of parts 1&2 were very different from the past video "Are you a D*%k Player?" The shift in tone makes it easier to share with others in need (and hear if it's us). A future topic suggestion might be to revisit "Are you a GM D*%k? with the same shift in tone (if appropriate).

[@crimsontaints]

I had a player become very toxic for a few months due to personal issues, it manifested as apathy, self-destructiveness, alienating and distrusting of his fellow players who he had previously been very close. I managed to run a campaign where he was effectively the main antagonist (possessed by an actual villain), fearing that the other players were plotting to discover his secrets and kill him, while the other players had found out about the possession and sought to free him secretly without alerting the evil within. it worked wonderfully in that, the PC's rediscovering the reasons they were friends with the problem PC to begin with, made touching sacrifices to help him, but unfortunately the player was still being toxic and skipped out on the last 30 mins of the final session, missing the climax where the group saved him from eternal damnation. fml.

[@sharonlarsen3642]

I rewatched this one very recently as I was advised by a player in my game that another player was causing an issue for them. Instinctively the player did what you advised, talked to me as the DM, talked to other players and then tried to talk to the one person who they felt was causing problems at the table. The player /ragequit, didn't discuss, didn't want to try so I have reluctantly come to conclusion that my other players were right and that the person who walked away was toxic. Thank you for letting me that I don't need to feel bad about it and that as GM that sometimes you can't put things right.

[@Numdenu]

Embrace your fellow panda!

[@adakahless]

I was part of a toxic group back in college. I was desperate to learn to play D&D and the first red flag was the dm not letting me read the player's handbook while making a character. The rest of the group was full of selfish assholes who I would never get along with outside the table. After about 6 months of this party, the dm asked why my new character (the only build he ever liked) would go with this party of rejects...I blanked. And then asked myself WHY THE HELL AM I EVEN HERE? I stopped going to the table after that. Just dropped from it. The dm finally got a hold of me about 3 months later to ask why I had just left them. Told him I just couldn't see wasting my time any more with a group of people who didn't even care that I was gone. :/

[@LoreKeeperv01]

Adalaide Kahless I’m sorry you went through that. I hope that this experience hasn’t tainted your perception of the game.

[@thundergod9696]

Adalaide Kahless why the hell wouldn't the DM want you to read the rule book?

[@davidnesmith8254]

That sucks :( I'm sorry to hear that

[@nickwilliams8302]

YubYub doo Same reason he was DMing for a bunch of "rejects". He was a shit DM.

[@adakahless]

@@LoreKeeperv01 Don't worry bout me. The next year I joined the Gaming Guild and found better people. I was still a noob well into my third year but I picked up Pathfinder with a group that ended up being too immature and wild to be considered a good group. I recently moved to another state and found a good dm to put up with my 5e Kobold assassin. xD

[@moderndayphilosopher3088]

In our groups (we have an online gaming community with multiple games) we have what is called the circle of love. At the end of each session one by one the players state what they liked and didn't like about the session the GM is always last. It is all done in a constructive way to help each person advance their abilities as players and GMs. Everyone listens and often these talks can last longer than the games themselves. We follow the motto that we are friends first and D&D is just a reason for us to get together and exchange friendly banter. If anyone is interested in this community feel free to send me a message on here.

[@futuza]

This is a super neat idea, like an AA meeting for toxic D&D players lol.

[@ettinakitten5047]

I've just realized our group usually does the same thing spontaneously.

[@DebbieBuckland]

just recently we have had a toxic player.... we tried helping them by giving suggestions of behaviour and asked them to quiet down for the name of fun. Encouraging them to stop being a rule enforcer and asking them to stop telling us our character stats where wrong....for the classes we were playing.... But when that person finally said i think you all play like crap and walked away we thought finally the end of that player..... NOOOOOO.... he came back and we didn't let him play... so he watched but he kept putting in his 2c finally the dm told him what for and put him in his place and told him point blank that he is no longer wanted at the table.... Has he got it? I guess we will find out next week... (its in a public place in a shop)

[@thundergod9696]

Debbie Buckland what classes do you guys play?

[@larsdahl5528]

I would suggest that you change to a RPG system that person do not know!

[@nickwilliams8302]

Lars Dahl Why change for this guy? He's already been told point blank he's not welcome. A shop is not a public place. I'm pretty sure the owner is _not_ going to be cool with an ex-player harassing his customers.

[@DragonsSing]

Stick to your guns Debbie. Back up your DM.

[@Nerobyrne]

some people just don't understand that there are more things to an RPG than just number crunching and damage maximizing. It's actually something I miss in many video RPGs. Sounds like they are a classic min-max'er who would be more at home in a progress raiding guild than at a PnP table. Having said that, when your play style is clearly at odds with your group, you have one of two choices: 1. Deal with it and find some way of compromising so you can fit in 2. Find another group that plays like you want to play. That's what I love about this KZbin channel, he almost never hates on players, but he does make it clear that group cohesion is vitally important.

[@hippocampus6514]

I like the self-awareness bit too. Sometimes, the person with the issue is me. And then, how do I fix that and have help doing it? Good stuff. I got a little mixed about what you were trying to say near the end of the video.

[@falvlynn2303]

I might be four years late to the party, but I really needed something like this two-parter right now to figure some things out at my own table. It is a mess right now, but you do give me hope that I will get the game back to a place where it is fun for everyone, even if it might not be the exact same group of people as before.

[@devoutmadman]

I have been accused of intimidation on 2 occasions. Once by a "that guy" that would say or do anything to get his way both as a player & a DM and again by a timid player. I have been labeled as an aggressor many times in my life solely based on my appearance & have desperately done whatever I can to be generous, caring, and all around likeable to get people to see past my appearance. I have always been afraid of being looked at as toxic so I'm seriously considering wearing a shock collar & anyone who feels intimidated can hold/press the remote & I can ask why they feel that way in the moment. That way they feel safe having some control & they can point out the things I might be blind to in the moment.

[@arcada_shifter]

I really appreciate the great advice in this video, especially about communicating and making sure to see all sides of the problem. However, I strongly Disagree when people say that finding a new group is easy and that there’s no excuse anymore because internet. Just because there are more accessible options does not make it easy. I have personally been trying to find a group for two and a half years (going to game stores, posting notices and requests, trying online groups, etc.) and I have yet to find a stable, steady group that doesn’t belittle me or make the experience un-fun.

[@ZrinNZ]

I was in a group where 2 of the 4 players (including myself) were optimisers and partial rules lawyers. They would argue what a rule was and I would simply tell them to open the book because that's what it's there for. The one time I argued something which I ended up having misinterpreted it, I was called "defensive" by the DM. I was there for a few more weeks before I left and started dming for three friends of mine who were brand new to d&d. I do not regret it in the slightest.

[@thorlocks7818]

This has been a good two part series, thank for sharing! I've been watching your channel this week because I'm getting back into the GM chair and I have to dust off the GM skills. You have been very helpful with this channel. thank you!

[@ethanmcgrath2226]

In my first game almost a year ago we had a pretty toxic player. He almost got our characters killed on several occasions and constantly ignored our characters even when we we were trying to help him with enchantments and boosts. On top of that, he always had to have the first step and he played a paladin so he played a zealous fundamentalist. On top of all that his character started out with more gold because of his noble backstory AS WELL AS a flaming sword. That said, he then refused to show up to games because we “argued” with him too much when in reality we were calling him out for being a toxic player.

[@dangerszewski9816]

One thing I see DMs try all the time that NEVER works I want to call out: Never try to fix an out-of-character problem in-character. Often in the name of avoiding conflict the DM might try to fix it by taking drastic in-character action. The next time the disruptive player tries to start a bar brawl (because he's bored with the RP someone else is engaging in with the barkeep and wants to disrupt the other character's scene and cause one that makes the DM focus on them), the level 30 barkeep pulls out a +5 explosive, flaming, keen crossbow and a few fudged rolls later the DM tells him to roll another character and the uber-barkeep goes "now where were we then?" to the character that was talking to them. The problem is RP games are fundamentally tactical problemsolving games about applying your character's toolset to the problems the GM poses, so the player doesn't learn "I need to learn to let other people RP and not cause combat scenes every time we go into town so the face-type has nothing to do because it's disrupting the group and making that other player bored and disengaged and upsetting them", instead, they learn "oh man, my character wasn't very good at that, I failed to solve the puzzle of 'starting a fight' well, so I need to build a better fight-starter!" Because face it, if you fail in most encounters that's the lesson, you went in with a bad plan, you overestimated yourselves, you need to play better or build characters better. So using a "supposed to fail" encounter, unless it's a setup for asking them not to roll another character and I personally find the "whack them in a humiliating way then tell them to get out of your group" style of removal as immature and needlessly confrontational, though some GMs indulge in it when pushed to extreme frustration. Solve out-of-character problems with mature conversations, and in-character problems with in-character solutions. Trying to "hint" at things by arming barkeeps with magical ballistae, having shopkeepers that are illogically powerful and equipped with rare magic so the disruptive player stops using Daze on them and stealing things rather than shopping like a regular person, or dropping meteors on murderhobos NEVER WORKS, it just makes them double down on bad behavior. Another aside is that some disruptive behavior comes from a "good" place-- for instance people that have expertise sometimes try to "improve" the game's realism for you. This is unfortunately common with players with a lot of knowledge of firearms or cars (because almost no game does vehicles elegantly), but also occurs when players are in a profession that touches on the game's themes (for instance an EMT playing in a cyberpunk game that has armored VTOL ambulance teams for rich corporate types with the right insurance). It's okay to acknowledge that the game isn't realistic, but you're still not changing. My go-to is "Hey I'm in network operations for a cell phone company, and hacking rules are something every game struggles with making either engaging to play out, interesting to narrate, or dramatic because real IT and real hackers are anything but. But I can still play a decker in Shadowrun without asking the GM to re-write the rules for cellular uplinks to be more realistic to how a cellular network is actually constructed. I can enjoy the drama of a modern-day game with hackers that are the hollywood magic type, because it's a fun trope that makes my job sound far more dramatic than it really is. I can play Steampunk without thinking too hard about just how big a differential engine would have to be to run an AI, and imagining the bad guy has a computer the size of a city block connected to their clockwork assassin. You have to enjoy the game for what it is and gameplay comes before realism for the sake of fun. So sure, I find it odd too that in this setting every pistol has compatible ammunition, and it is strange that shotguns have a range of 15 feet and can hit an area 10 feet across at that range rather than going to a hundred yards and shooting dinner-plate-sized groupings."

[@andrewstambaugh8030]

I was once part of a 1 shot that was completely ruined by 1 new player we all knew. And here what I did about it: Afterwards, I talked to him about it. Outside this game night, he is a big fan of prose and high class literature. He especially loved LOTR for its beautifully poetic language and excellent story telling. He played a character that was chaotic bizarre stupid (so annoying & distracting at every moment, and went in random directions to do nonsensical things even outside his turn). I confronted him and basically told him that, unlike the literature he enjoys, the story he made at the table was garbage and obnoxious to all the other players and the GM. He tried to say, "well the story the GM was telling wasn't interesting". I told him, the GM didn't even get a chance to start his story, because he was actively distracting from it and going any other direction than the GM or the other players should expect any person to go. I compared it to the start of LOTR, only imagine that instead of talking to Bilbo then Frodo about the ring and giving, starting off the whole adventure, imagine Gandalf instead went around playing random stupid pranks on everyone, like putting poop in their food, swapping the one ring for a slice of cheese, killed a random townsperson for randomness, and then ran off telling fart jokes and cackling, never having started the adventure. I told him he had disrespected and wasted the time of everyone at the table, but most especially the GM who had put the effort into writing a story and organizing everything. He got the point, and though I still don't like his general playing styles (several toxic categories), he was never again so extremely toxic and game breaking.

[@anitacrumbly]

"A group of people who all dress as pandas when they game" you are now my favorite DnD youtuber LOL i'm new to Dnd at the ripe age of 30 and I've been hooked on your vids thanks so much for your engaging, enlightening and most importantly hilarious videos :)

[@mr.pavone9719]

So I GM for a kid focussed group. I'm the adult leader and I have the support of the kids parents. The other adults are allowed to play or observe but we try to keep their position in the party at the back so the kids get the chance to lead and shine. I prefer the parents not play but stick around to deal with issues I'm just not equipped to handle, like the behavioral quirks of their kids. The kids do well enough and have fun but there is a problem pair. There's a parent who is an experienced RPG player and his son who actually has been diagnosed with ADHD. The father does do well keeping his character in the back row. The son has a tendency to be "random". He often states his character is doing some ridiculous thing, does things that don't contribute to the group's success or tries to be shocking. I chalk most of that up to being a 13 year old boy with ADHD. His father gets frustrated with his son and drops hints that the GM will get mad and kill of the son's character. I don't want to do that, I want this to be a learning experience for the kids where they can experiment and learn social skills and leadership safely. We are using a rules light game (Into the Odd) and I let it be gonzo and weird as it's appropriate to the game and setting. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to help this boy be more in tune with the group? I don't want to resort to DM dickery, kick the kid out or try to solve problems I'm not trained for. I just want to steer him towards cooperation.

[@hiperrojo1]

While not neccesary related to a group(But it was supposed to be a group for D&D) I had a group of friends and they started complaining about me saying things that according to them could be interpreted as me being a jerk to them and I remember saying "Ok, how about you tell me what I'm doing wrong and tell me when I'm doing something wrong?" Long story short the only input I got was me saying something that they said that was rude but nothing more except complaining. Checked with different friends(giving the context and everything) if that was truly rude, their answer? "No, that's not rude at all" so basically I had a case where the whole group was kinda being toxic to me and now I don't even talk to them unless it's necessary

[@robmc120]

Thank you for teaching me the meaning of the ancient word of "silenct", lol. Love your stuff i pray you get to 100K subscribers faster than you realize, God bless you Guy!

[@rocket-boydk1138]

I just wanna say Thanks :) I'm new to your channel and I find it very educational :)

[@mikestanmore2614]

How has it taken me so long to find your channel? Great stuff, Guy.

[@devoutmadman]

Thank you for these videos that can help me be my best self as a player.

[@AsterInDis]

Off topic - we have the same glasses, though different colors. Neat!

[@cerisefern4236]

I think it can be fun to have 'jerky' characters, but you really should run it by your fellow players... Last campaign I was in one of the other players nearly killed my character, and I was fine with it because it was in character. But if they did it just to spite me, yeah of course I'd be mad. But, it made sense for them to do it, and it was kinda funny to me anyway.

[@guntisveiskats6053]

Eight. There is a gulf of difference whether they do it for mutual fun, or ignoring you.

[@samuelzuleger5134]

Agreed. I and a friend of mine were playing characters that were kind of at odds. It ultimately culminated in a show down where we took opposite sides in the final battle. Nothing against the GM and story, but that PvP might have been the best part. We knew full well that it was the characters, not us. It is amazing how much player communication outside of character can improve the game. In the same campaign, we had a player that was just a jerk, and people were relieved on days he couldn't make it. One year later and he had no TTRPG group...that should say something.

[@Em20010]

Abq. is a city in New Mexico. Its where Bugs Bunny always forgets to turn left.

[@edwardrhoads7283]

And is a city if you are in it and you turn left right or even go straight you get lost. I know this as I was in Albuquerque once. I went the wrong straight and got lost lol.

[@draconicfeline6177]

Yeah. I tried RPG tablefinder, and I've tried reddit. Neither have been successful for me. One group was not a good fit and broke apart within a session, and I managed to find two groups simultaneously that never got so far as to help me build a character. I'm attempting to build another group on my own, and the only reason that planning has gotten as far as it has is because I know them all personally as either online or college friends. And still, I have my doubts. It's not that easy to find a group to actually play with, even with the internet.

[@MischkaRPG]

Hey there. Thank you, for your supportive words. You helpde us a lot with your channel.

[@true4evre]

Hi, I'm from Albuquerque, NM and I have a Panda Fursona that I like to express in every aspect of my daily life. If anyone in Bernalillo County is hosting a Panda based TTRPG and isn't allergic to fur I'm lfg. I forage for leaves for 10 to 16 hours a day so I can only afford to play between 6 and 11 pm, but I promise I'll try not to fall asleep. Won't host, can't carpool.

[@dragonboyjgh]

I know I am a non-participator, but I can't figure out how to fix it. I have significant trouble trying to come up with feasible, systematically pursue-able goals for my characters, especially in very single-track kind of campaigns, especially especially where that single track is "be greedy mercenaries taking kill quests to get loot." I get stuck asking "but to what end?" What reason can I come up with for my character to care? Even worse, what reason do I have as a player to care? I've tried talking to my GM about it, but he just sort of acted like there was something wrong with me to not derive some innate joy from acquiring gold and power for their own sakes, I guess some unquenchable primal lust to watch numbers go up? I don't know if that's true or not but it certainly didn't help me solve the problem any. I've still got nothing I want to accomplish, certainly that could fit within the narrative, no reason for him to be out here risking his life killing people's problems for way more money than it would ever take to live a comfortable life the rest of his days. I know these two videos are more about helping other people at the table deal with toxic players, but do you have any advice? A way to find purpose so I can participate better?

[@robertvk1814]

Sorry I'm quite late to your comment. It's hard to know from this limited exchange what the problem's source might be. It's possible that you simply don't enjoy RPGs. They aren't real, after all. Perhaps real-life issues are more important. On the other hand, it's possible you might enjoy a RPG that was done differently than the ones you've experienced. Variations in rule sets, GMs, players and campaigns can all make a tremendous difference in a game's flavor. It sounds like you aren't satisfied with simple accumulation of paper gold and items. Is there a story line that sounds interesting to you? Is there a personality/character type that you'd enjoy exploring? Some of the better games will begin with a "session 0" or some other form of pre-play introduction which seeks to negotiate what the players and GM see happening in the game. It's possible a game that begins with this would help you. If my advice so far hasn't felt applicable, maybe it would help to spend more time really developing a character before starting play. Think about who they are, where they come from, what their physical and psychological traits are, what they like and dislike, what motivates them, what their voice sounds like.... If the problem is "simply" knowing what the character would do, nothing will help as much as really trying to understand the character fully. -Sorry my advice seems like it's all over the map; not knowing the exact source of the problem I tried to offer you a range of ideas in the hopes you'd find something which suited you. Good luck.

[@elderzamora9400]

It would be cool if you did one of these about toxic GM's, my group recently had to deal with that situation.

[@JustKellH]

We have a player that brought a friend, who is new to D&D. I was excited at the opportunity, but it currently feels like he is playing his character and hers as well. I don't know if this is because he influenced her to pick a paladin as her first character. She is confused about what her character is able to do and what motivates a paladin to be a heroic champion. I'm not sure which type either would fit into, but i'd like to try to make them into functional members. I really appreciate the suggestions you've provided here.

[@pietrayday9915]

To me, it sounds like you've got one rather timid player, and one overbearing player taking up her spotlight by playing her character for her. It sounds like the passive player didn't have the game or the Paladin character type explained very well to her, and probably the more aggressive player just took the idea and ran with it, while the bewildered player was just left to try to find her own way into character and into the game, which of course is impossible as long as he keeps jumping in front of her. A "Session Zero" between a good GM and the player can do a lot to prevent this sort of situation, by at least explaining the game setting and how the character fits into it, and then how the party works together, to the player one-on-one with fewer distractions early in the game. It might not be too late to pull this more timid player aside and run through some variation on "Session Zero" to help get her up to speed and into character. (Letting her rebuild the character or build a new character of her own might help a LOT here!) geekandsundry.com/roleplaying-basics-the-importance-of-session-zero/ Talking to the more aggressive and overbearing player and encouraging him to back off and give the other player a little breathing room and space might also help a lot, assuming he's willing to do so and doesn't really mean to be running over the other player and stealing her spotlight. (On the other side of the coin, encouraging her to speak up and letting her know it's OK to tell the more overbearing character to back off when he gets too pushy can likewise help a lot, assuming the timid player wants to change!) Someone elsewhere in these comments mentioned a system in which a different player acts as party leader each week, with the GM enforcing that decision. You might let that pushier player go first, so that you can remind him that he's already had his turn as party leader whenever he tries to play the more timid player's character for her; it might not be a bad idea to let one of the other players take a turn after that and before the timid player gets a chance to lead, so that she has a couple different role-models to observe in action as party leader. Giving her some relatively simple and easy, rules-light decisions to make at first might help to make it easier for her to step into a leadership role... you might also designate a different player from the one who introduced her to the game - preferably your best team player, the one who is best at sharing the spotlight and helping other PCs look good - to act as a sort of mentor or advisor on her first day as party leader, with whom the Paladin's player can consult if she feels stuck. If the more aggressive player still tries to cut in and isn't taking the hints even when they're spelled out for him, you'll need to reign him in, and it might not be easy or pleasant to do, if his problem is less an abundance of enthusiasm than it is a toxic need to hog the spotlight and control the game at the expense of the quieter players!

[@ettinakitten5047]

I suggest having separate conversations with each player. With the experienced player, tell him that you're concerned that she's not getting to really play her character, and that it's a lot less fun and conducive to learning as a new player if someone's constantly giving you advice about everything you do. "You want her to enjoy D&D and want to keep playing, right? Because in my experience, getting too much help as a new player makes a person less likely to want to keep playing." And tell him that if she doesn't know what to do, you'd rather help her as the GM than have another player helping her. With the newbie, sit her down and ask her how she's feeling about the game, what her vision for this character is like, what aspects of play she's finding confusing, whether she's enjoying herself. If she's having trouble grasping the idea of a paladin, try to find a character from a work of media she likes to compare them to - that can be really helpful. If it's the mechanics she finds confusing, explain them to her. If she's feeling discouraged or like she's really bad at the game, give her some encouragement. If she's really not into the character she made and wants a new character, let her know that you can easily just find a reason for the paladin to die or leave the party and someone new join. And in game, don't be afraid to let her make mistakes. Don't crack down with dire consequences, of course, but if she charges forward and gets caught in a trap, or tries to beat a troll without using fire, or whatever, try to let her figure out how she could have done better, instead of jumping in to correct her. If her friend jumps in, shut him down.

[@crystalheart9]

Love your voice! I don't play d&d but find your videos interesting and entertaining😊

[@geoffreythomas2022]

My oldest son and I love your videos, Guy!

[@zuctimil5249]

So, about finding groups, i live in germany and my friends mom wished for a dnd campaign, my friend, being the theatrical kid he is, started to assemble it together, creating, crafting uns so on. We sat down with his mom, a hipster with a don quichotte beard, me and our dm. We started to play and one year later we still play the campaign, everything became very sophisticated and dnd turned out to be better then any videogame we ever played before, we became addicted allmost immediately. One day our dm decided to search for a group to play with as a player, i mean he watched us have fun for a long time, he created a ton of charakters, so its eazy to understand his decision. So he went to a local store and looked if there are any groups playing dnd in the area. Turns out that the one pathfinder group doesnt allow new members. Then he puts an announcement for a dnd group on a bulletin in the store, indeed, some weeks later a group shows up and invites him to play dnd basic d/x, they meet twice and the group vanishes in thin air. Allmost giving up, he talks to a colleague from work, turns out hes managing his own dnd group. He gets invited to a whattsapp group and magically, 3 months later, they still havent met beside going to a waterpark. I felt really touched by his encounter and just started to write my own campaign. Is this just our experience or is it just really hard to find some decent group to play with in germany?

[@gabrielrojas-ov9jd]

you are no longer helping us to become a great gm your helping us to become better persons at this point

[@sir_castik]

Oh how this would’ve been so much help with a player a month ago XD definitely going to use this next time 🙏🏻

[@seangere9698]

Albuquerque is in New Mexico USA. As a DM myself I see it that I should try to point it out to a toxic player in a way that can help them see how it not only effects me as the DM but how it effects the other players to see if there's a was for them to overcome it before asking them to leave the group. If they choose to keep being a toxic player then yeah I will ask them to leave and if they find a way to no longer be a toxic player I may decide to ask them back for another game at a later date.

[@parabadaba]

Good to know that when I want to play with a panda that I can. Nothing like a good old fashioned panda party.

[@larsdahl5528]

Yes, but be on the lookout for the yellow with black stripes panda (tiger) eating the other pandas. (It is the toxic player!)

[@Nerd_Gamer_Buddy]

i also like to find out if people are ok or not with their characters being injured. i know and have seen people not like that so i try to always plan out fights.

[@originalkingdomhearts]

For me the toxic issue I have is finding a group willing to take in new players. It is so hard to convince GM's and long time players to let new ones in and show them how to play and not treat it like it's an exclusive club. I remember when I first went to a beginners D&D event and none of the experience players wanted to show us how to play. They just threw all the newbies into a table gave us some dice and told us to figure it out and have fun. No GM.

[@iamme4552]

Unfortunately my group has someone who ticked 8 of 10 of the toxic player list but we can’t get rid of him for a number of reasons involving multiple marriages and blood relations and people who are too pacific to just tell him off when he pulls his bullsh*t.

[@TheBronzeDog]

...Silence like a cancer, grows...

[@Tasfarel]

Great topic and great solutions where given. The only thing i need to disagree with is the sequence of your actions. As you said you can change point 1 and 2 but i think you should talk to the player first before you go to your GM. I´m of this opinion because in most of the cases there is no intend in missbehaviour. At all we are all some kind of friends or people who like each other in some way. It should be no problem to adress a topic like this in such an enviroment. I personally would be confused if someone who disagrees with me first talks to everone else but me about this issue. Sure, if somebody adresses me and i refuse to change. Then you need a moderator (either the GM or another player) but in my opionion you should not blackening your friend in front of your GM. Maybe it is just a small misunderstanding. I trust my friends to talk to me if i do something wrong.

[@robertabarnhart6240]

Albuquerque is in New Mexico, which is in the US, between Arizona and Texas. I was born there.

[@joelrickard5710]

Love your videos

[@leogunnemarsson4178]

I am a bit of "The GM browbeater", not fully as you describe it but what I've described (and have had described to me) as "Backseat GM". I can go in and sort of start doing the GMs job in a description of a dice result or in ponting out that another skill would (in my opinion though that may not always be clear) be a better choice for a test. It is to me obvious it is a result of being the Game Master far more often than the player. I have worked with it and talked to my GMs about it and them not seeing as much of a problem with it as I do is a good sign. Lately I found a brand new pitfall with being this however and one I would like to warn others of, espesially those that GM, and that is overlooking it in others. In a game I ran another player was this same kind of "backseat GM" and this bothered the other players. Leaning that way myself it didn't bother me at all and I didn't even notice it until it was brought up by one of my players after a good while and checking with more he wasn't the only one it bothered. I have talked to the player who said that he was made aware of it roughly a week or two prior in another group and is now thinking about it so it seems it will turn out well in the end. Still missing it for that long was not good and certainly was because having those tendencies myself I missed them in others. So if you know you have that "toxic player" part in you, even if you know how to control it enough to handle yourself well as a player and be fun in the group, be wary that it may also very well make you miss when others are toxic in that way.

[@mapembert]

Hi! I'm from Parker Colorado and I like to dress up like a panda and play 5e DnD. Are there any players near me that would also like to dress up like a panda and play 5e?

[@archibaldholmer9920]

I live in sweden and we have several groups. I got one myself and then some teachers have (independently of the school) made a group with several tables like a less rule focused adventurers leauge and that group has 16 players and more are coming so that is really cool. And this is a REALLY small town in the north of sweden with only about 12000 inhabitants.

[@alflurin]

On our current campaign, we're 6 players all together. 3 of us are more active and perhaps a bit authoritarian and for some time now, I've been trying to correct myself until I realized that, although I was at fault, the other side was either completely passive or very timid. "What do you want to do?"....... "Mmmmmm, I don't know!" type of thing.

[@mirkofraccastoro7573]

I had a situation in the past i was never able to solve. I had a first online session with a GM and another guy, it went SO WELL we both had a similiar amount of interaction. Second session girl joins, rather timid player i still played as normal the other guy on the other hand shifted to more timid then i had to do almost everything and the gm reacted by making almost everything i did fail and what they did succed as encouragent. I kept going silently then after session i confronted the gm and he just said:Yes i may have changed some rolls So i said:'I feel punished for being engaged and they rewarded for doing the minimum" He just said"No you are not" Next session was the last, not as bad as previus but not that good did i handle it well? Then i just changed group since it disbanded

[@adakahless]

You weren't being punished, he was trying to goad the timid ones into doing things to get them to participate more, but sounds like it wasn't working.

[@Mr.Monster1984]

He was a crappy gm

[@pietrayday9915]

Where things went wrong was with the GM trying to passively solve an out-of-character/out-of-game problem with an in-character/in-game solution, rather than stopping the game to address the problem directly to the players as human beings, gamers, and friends - that trick NEVER works.

[@ShirokamiHichino]

I have a friend who left a table because there were a toxic leader who conviced the party and GM to bully his character. His character was a mage kinda awkward with people but trying to improve himself by going in an adventure with the party... And there came a really difficult fight where they could have died and, with the GM approbation, the mage used a forbidden spell to gain time and so they survived, losing40 allied npc in the process instead of full wipe. The toxic leader decided it was wrong and forbid the mage to ever use magic again because his intervention wasn't necessary to him. He assigned 2 players to guard the mage night and day providing him to cast by bothering him enough when he tries and even providing him to commit suicide... Yes, he couldn't play, asked the GM who rolled a dice to decide if the character whould become an antagonist or try to get forgiveness of the party... Aaaand... Forgiveness it is... He couldn't play his character, didn't want him to become what other have decided for him and all his complains where torn appart so he just left the room and said they just needed an NPC. I think it's kinda sad to see that kind of toxic player winning because my friend was the only one bullied... And the GM was a total slug agreeing with the loudest people only...

[@0x777]

Erh... umm... how do I put this... If you find people who agree to role play with you dressed up as pandas, they might be looking for something different than you. And for the love of god, don't google now why.

[@samuelzuleger5134]

Never would have thought to google, so, um, thanks for ruining my blissful ignorance.

[@kyleanderson4130]

I'm a player that has an issue with another player being very distracting to other players to the point where he doesn't even know it's his turn in combat and asks "what's going on" or "where am I on the board" I've spoken to my DM about it and he says he's fine with the cross chatter but it drives me crazy. Not sure what to do about this issue...

[@thatsembarrassing7315]

When you're from Albuquerque, and he says "Albuquerque" I think I died a little from shock

[@TakeWalker]

I know I can be a little passive, a little spinless as a player, disliking personal confrontation and such. I think my worst was a situation where my gaming group was very much into the system we were playing and I was not. Might as well not by coy, it was L5R, and they all knew the culture and the background and whatnot, and it was my first time playing, and simply put, it just did not give me what I look for in a role-playing experience. I was not having fun, I did not like my character, I was just going along with whatever everyone else was doing and trying my best not to screw it up. What do you suggest for a situation like that, where the game system simply doesn't fit the player, but it's not like that's the only thing the group will ever play?

[@Wolfphototech]

The biggest problem with me is i'm always coming up with stuff faster then my DM & other player's can . My DM's campaign turned into my campaign .

[@dracocrusher]

Hey, @How to be a Great Game Master , I don't know if you'll ever actually read this comment or if you've done a video on this or not, but I'd absolutely love to see a video on inter-party conflict. I'm currently in the middle of my first campaign and within the three of us, two characters had a dispute over a murder and it lead to a lot of great character growth. Meanwhile, my character had been planning a betrayal for months and, with DM permission, I ended up betraying the party and we had a great time with it, all leading up to a great send-off for my character and another player who had to leave for real-life reasons (don't worry, no PCs died). But whenever it comes up, it seems like a lot of people have really negative thoughts about the idea and that this type of thing usually brings about personal problems and just all kinds of messy things. So I'd love to hear your take on this and what advice you'd have to say. How do you make a party betrayal work? What are the elements to getting everyone on-track with it? Is it something you'd even allow your own players to do if given a warning ahead of time? I'd be interested in hearing whatever you think on the topic and I think a lot of other people could gain a lot from that topic as well.

[@larsdahl5528]

I do understand why many are against inter party conflict: Creating a RPG group do in itself have some restrictions posed upon it. The group is assembled in one room (the "table") working together to get the game working, that forces their characters to be together (the "party"). And many get bad experiences with inter party conflict due to those arose from the players not understanding the concept of the "party" is defined by the players around the "table", and thus causing the "table" to fall apart. However that do not mean that inter party conflict can not be done. Disagreement in the "group" can be interesting and fun to play, as long as it do not split the "table". I have seen some interesting methodology inter party conflicts, disagreements among the characters about how to do things. (I guess your "dispute over a murder" fall in this category.) If things escalate to betrayal it become tougher, as it become more demanding for the GM as it can require extra solo play time with the betraying character. If the GM do not have that extra time, then it is a no go, unless the "table" is so good that it can be done while the others are present (But thus it deduct from their play time instead.).

[@dracocrusher]

It might be good to mention how the 'dispute over murder' specifically happened for clarity. Our party consisted of three members, an Elf Monk, a Tiefling Monk who was trained in the same monastery (and yes, that did make for some awesome duels later on), and a Dragonborn Paladin who follows Tiamat.... Who I've been informed is extremely evil since just hearing that was a thing drove one potential new player away immediately.... So one day our Paladin's going around trying to figure out how to help the party and he decides "I know, I'll make a sacrifice to Tiamat." He goes out and, eventually, our Elf Monk finds him as our Paladin randomly decides to attack a random traveler. Meanwhile, my Tiefling Monk shows up mid-fight as this random guy ends up being a were-tiger, so me and the Elf sit back not sure what to do as the Paladin solos this thing on his own. Eventually, he kills him and our Elf, being an actually good-natured person, gets really upset about this and he starts demanding answers about why he did this and stuff before using religion to pray and figure out if this guy our Paladin killed was a good person or not (our Elf had been leaning Cleric at this point after a religious experience). After getting his answer, our Elf just demands that our Paladin step down and, acting in-character, our Paladin defends the actions of his god. Eventually, things turn to blows and now my Tiefling steps in as the pragmatic one in the group. So as our Paladin's trying to do subdue damage to the Elf and the Elf's trying to punch the Paladin, I'm trying to talk both of them out of this and landing hits on each of them. Eventually, our Paladin just stops and realizes that he's the only one here who seems to really be into this so he starts questioning things and he starts wondering if what he did was really the right thing with the Elf also kind-of questioning things a bit. Here's what I think is the most important bit: After this happened, our Elf's player was like "Hey, just letting you know, nothing personal, I'm just acting in character" and we were all like "No, don't worry about it, that was really interesting and fun." I feel like the big deciding factor about whether this type of thing works out or not is whether or not you're able to have that understanding after the fact that the stuff the characters do is different from how the players feel about you. At least, hopefully. If not, then you're just a petty asshole, but still, I think that disconnect is super important overall and that players need to realize that they're playing a character, and that that's different from someone just doing whatever to them as a person.

[@adakahless]

I think it depends highly on how well you know the people at your table. Their play style and moods can vary table to table. I'm at a new table myself and our first session had a lot of laughs and a bit of character development with the fledgling party. I wouldn't say we could take on much at the moment since we haven't battled anything but alcoholic acid and drunken dwarves, but it should be interesting with a spellsword, bard, and assassin. xD

[@frostiestark9533]

I play with several friends, who are all firmly in the, "best friends," zone. One of my friends in particular, and I love him dearly, god he has some annoying tendencies. Originally, he was antagonistic (specifically always to me, for some reason). For example, our second attempted campaign, he decided to play a pixie. A bit unorthodox, but DM allowed it. Turns out, dude was clearly using that as an excuse to be a pest. Ya see, he couldn't JUST be a pixie. He had to be an irritating, mischievous pixie who sabotaged everything. Sneaking around? Have no fear, Frostie, the pixie who successfully managed to hide in your backpack is going to make noise so you're found. Terrible. I ripped his shit for it too. Suffice it to say, our early gaming career was littered with such mishaps and antagonistic characters. We put a stop to that, though. After we told him he has to play as part of the group, and his presence has to be justified (aka, don't be a pain in the ass all the time), he became a "play to win" player. Meaning god forbid he gets two low rolls in a row, or we'll never hear the fucking end of it, cause he, "always rolls low." He doesn't see failure as a plot device. He doesn't see it all as a story, with nuanced characters who aren't perfect. He sees it as HIS story, where HIS character can't ultimately fail at things. I now GM regularly (the old GM had school to take care of, and wanted to be a player anyway), and I get positive reactions from my sessions, across the board. I'm not a hard-ass, but I make the characters face consequences for their actions. I've even let a couple players rework their characters a bit, since we switched to Pathfinder and they didn't quite make their character how they intended to. But oh man, if I make a ruling that detracts from his character without referring specifically to the book, I'm an asshole. Outside of tabletop gaming, he just has a few anger issues, and is quite immature in some ways. By this, I mean he is a grown man with a job, but watches cartoons, plays Splatoon all the time and expects everyone else to follow him because he lives in fantasy and sees himself as, "the protagonist." Now don't get me wrong, I'm a fucking dork and I love to nerd out about things. It's just that he's so... childish sometimes, and doesn't have the charisma to make it work for him. He's still great and brings a lot to the table when he can get over himself, but damn I gotta vent sometimes.

[@ettinakitten5047]

My rule is to make sure the conflict is between the *characters* and not the players. I've gotten good inspiration from BDSM, actually, on how to manage this. In kink play, as in TTRPGs, you can end up trying to do stuff that could either be terrible or wonderful depending on the desires and inclinations of the people involved. So, you get a sense what everyone likes and doesn't like beforehand, you set rules for how to call a timeout in the moment, and you check in regularly to ask "how are you feeling about this situation?" And if someone is seriously upset OOC about a character's actions, "it's what my character would do" is no excuse. Either change how you play the character or have them leave the group. You could even just fade to black instead of RPing certain things - eg I have one character who's a necrophiliac, but the GM isn't comfortable with that, so it just never comes up. In my head, he's banged corpses off screen a couple times, but we didn't roleplay it.

[@wasteoftime5848]

It was fairy common for me and my players to play "jerk" characters. We had started playing during the hay day of action movies (stallone, van dam, schwarzenegger) and ninety percent of our games had that tone of hyper violence and alpha male quiping. Nobody ever took offense to the things we said or did and thinking back we did and said a lot of things someone could have taken the wrong way if they didn't know us. Fighting over treasure and mocking each other in the middle of combat were just par for the course. Sometimes I wondered what it would be like to run a "serious" campaign but could never see it working with a bunch of teenagers. A while back I ran a one off with one of my old buddies along with his wife and kids. There were no babes, blood or guts that night but there were a few times we were laughing so hard I almost fell out of my chair.

[@maujaxa]

I don't know if it makes me "toxic" but I don't like playing in games with newbies. There is NOTHING wrong with being a newbie. Everyone was new to the game at some point, but for me, it's a lack of patience thing. I want to get into my character's headspace and perform the personality as truly as I can while still moving the adventure along. I RP for the story, and to me, having to ....frankly...dumb down the game for the newbie in the group reduces my Tolkien level epic adventure into a Dora the Explorer episode. LIke, there is NOTHING wrong with those who still need Dora the Explorer to learn, but I am tired of teaching. Roleplay is my art, my craft, my purpose, and I want to do it well with others who also play with passion and dedication and talent.

[@rhylla_864]

One way to prevent timid players, or players taking over the group is to rotate who is party lead each week. Then as dm ENFORCE it.

[@melissaclaassen9707]

Way to roll with the typo! I aspire to be able to think on my feet like that, especially while on camera!

[@hannibalscipio10]

Some great tips to make sure I don't act like a jerk!

[@dr.strange1300]

Honestly, lets just all have fun!

[@Mr.Monster1984]

Guy, yesterday I was teaching my best friend to play. I have been playing for 25 years and he never has. We made the sheet and started. But he didnt accept that I had the final say in things, he wanted to decide the NPCs reaction, make up stuff in the scenario, these kind of things. I explained many times that it wasnt the way the game works, but he just spoke louder and louder (he was drinking btw, I wasnt). We ended having this huge verbal fight. I decided never to play with him again because he is to self centered to be a player. And never meet him again if he is drinking, because he gets annoying. He left complaining about the game. Saying I wasnt doing it right, I have been DMing for 20 years and never had this issue. What is your take on it?

[@guntisveiskats6053]

One local GM here told me he does not allow using alcohol in his games, because it makes experiences worse. I agree on that fully. On contrary, I have seen how in larping scene it became worse (one particular larping community here). First they didn't allow booze on site at all. Then they banned it except the downtime. And finally we had a game with the main GM laying down totally drunk. That society collapsed. Why? At first they were drinking at afterparty. Then in downtime. And then a moment came when the buddies could just come together and have a drink, game was not needed anymore. Drinking degrades things. Period.

[@Mr.Monster1984]

@@guntisveiskats6053 I agree.

[@CCartman69]

First of all, I agree that drinking shouldn't be done when gaming. But I also think DnD may not be the right game for your friend-perhaps try Inspectres? In that game, if you roll well you decide what happens, but ifyou roll poorly the GM does. Alternatively, maybe a Gmless rp game might work better, such as Fiasco.

[@Mr.Monster1984]

@@CCartman69 I have never played these games, but you may be right. He was very much into the game and was acting out his actions and stuff. But he didnt accept the GMs decision power. And started yelling. That was the issue. A couple hours into the session we were both screaming at the top of our lungs, and even started name calling. So Fiasco is the perfect word. I'm sad because he is my best friend and we havent spoken since then, it has been 4 days.

[@CCartman69]

Well first of all, a game is not worth yelling at anyone over, especially yelling at a friend. I think before you consider future games, you should probably try and just reconcile. Make sure everything is ok friendship wise, then offer new options. I know there are many GMless games out there, and I have a friend who also really despises GMed games, so we play those instead. Maybe look into some two player games which don't have GMs, such as "Reflections" or "A Single Moment", two similar games about. You can explore a new system together, learning as you play. It might help restore the balance of two equal parties (not saying this was your fault or his).

[@alancramer1980]

i quit a game because of m a toxic player & a gm who was cool with him being toxic. havn't played in 2 years. i have been on line, no players in my area. i have tried rpgtablefinder. clicked on 14 different listings on there, only had 1 reply & that game never started, no game shops in the area.

[@danielpayne1597]

That sucks. But as the channel man said himself at kzbin.info/www/bejne/gGTPdGigZZaNo9Em16s , talk to people here about joining a game. I'm sure somebody would be interested. I feel for you. My first D&D game I had an awful DM. Didn't really realize it until later. Mechanically, he allowed other characters to get to absurd levels of power while my paladin was stuck with BASE LEVEL EQUIPMENT THE ENTIRE GAME. Other players joked that I was a "glass tank" because I kept getting hit. When I have to buy all the upgrades that other PCs get to find, of course my character will lag behind. Far worse, the DM would throw fits at players for various things and uninvented my friend's character because he thought my friend was trolling me too hard... never even asked me, and I never once complained about what my friend was doing IC.

[@larsdahl5528]

If you are from Albuquerque but do not know where Albuquerque is... Sad is that many start out their role playing career with such crappy experiences.

[@kittydigs6469]

Great advise!

[@professortrog7742]

About 12 years ago i was in an already long running table-top group for which i had to drive 2 hours to participate, did that every month or so. Great group, until a new guy joined who started out fine but became more and more intolerable, rules nazi, demeaning, toxic. I nearly left the group when i started to dread the drive. But then it turned out i was not the only one that had this problem. Player removed, group saved. But if i had watched this video then (well it didn’t exist yet but you know what i mean) and spoken out sooner it for sure would not have come to that point where i was about to give up on it all. We still play together by the way. Shadowrun 5e at the moment, and due to discord I don’t have to drive and we can play every week. Happy ending 😁

[@Kingpin1880]

I can remember the last time I tried to talk to a person about their behaviour and let them know I had an issue with it, while being lenient and diplomatic, they shot down everything I said before finally announcing that they weren't even going to listen to me about my complaint, and when I confronted the person in authority about the issue, they took their side and told me not to worry; "it's just how they deal; don't do anything about it". I was five. The discussion was over a Pokémon card "Wow; I just got Kakuna!" "Oh; I've already got six of them." The person in authority was my mother, who was childminding the other kid for their parent. I was told by my own mother when I was just a child never to confront a person on issues I have with their personality or behaviour. I'm nearly thirty, and more timid than I was when I was a kid. If the DM won't deal, I can't play.

[@adakahless]

My mom told me to never tell another person's child to shut up. No matter how annoying. I was probably 10. I ended up timid too but then somewhere after college I stopped giving a shit and didn't take it from anyone. I will try my best to be nice but there have been times when I stood my ground and said enough already. There's only so much chaotic stupid I can take. xD

[@edwardrhoads7283]

I would hate to be a GM in Albuquerque. The moment you do a plot turn everyone would get lost and Buggs Bunny would show up.

[@cessnat7366]

Well I was a budding DnD player and in my first campaing I found a toxic player, now I'm not a DnD player anymore.

[@mroiddzhem7311]

Well, It may be harder to find a group, than it seems. I live in a small town, where noone plays any kind of system at all. Also this town is located in Europe, so I hardly can find a group at least near my timezone. Also there is absolutely no way of finding anything but D&D. I would love to play some VTM, but it is nearly impossible. And of course even if I find a group (often located so far away, I need to get up at 4 am and play), it is really boring game with unexperienced GMs, who are trying to figure out the rules of the game on a fly.

[@PaulineNeilson]

Hey Mroid, my timezone is GMT+2, close to Europe. I can let you in one of my Roll20 beginner games if you would like that.

[@mroiddzhem7311]

@@PaulineNeilson oh, really? That would be great! How can i join?

[@PaulineNeilson]

My discord name is paulyn#7127, add me and we can arrange a game.

[@charmedrools1]

i have a question about toxicity. i'm a GM/DM whatever you wanna call me, and i have a player that we'll all make plans with, "next saturday at 4PM good with everyone" as a for instance, everyone agrees including this player but then next saturday comes around and he sends one of us a text saying "sorry i have to feed my parents pigs" or some other random excuse. but it's happening 9 out of ten times we make plans, not just dungeons and dragons plans either. eventually i've started berating him over this. i know that's bad of me and i shouldn't and i do try to hold it in or talk to him civilly about this, but but should i just shoot him in the head and burn his character sheet? (joking.... kinda) should we just kick him out of the party and replace him? it's gotten to the point where we'll only be able to play once evey three months at best without a DMPC, my story encounters are designed to be tough. especially my bosses.

[@StardustDNA]

Yeah, you should gently point out others are really wanting to play but he can play as a reoccurring character. Have another player take good notes of the storyline or record sessions. The problematic player can read/listen and still feel as they are apart of things. I wouldn't ax people because of life cropping up. Just allow them a space when they can come around.

[@Stingray42285]

One thing I did when it was suggested I was a pushy player I made a Full Blood Orc Barbarian of intelligence of 6 so when ever I had an idea I rolled my “stupid dice “ a clear D20 with a modifier of -2 is I didn’t get above 10 I didn’t speak my idea I would say Toa picks his nose or stairs blankly (at the think that I figured out was important wile everyone else is talking. ) one of the best moments was when He was captured buy city guards. We had been doing a Heist the guard asked what I was doing the DM says ok rolled your stupid dice 🎲 to see if you know not too tell him what’s going on. “1=-2” ok now what does Toa remember “natural 20”. One of the party was a banished Noble of the city who as the results of a wish spell was a blue dragon. An other was a vampire, the Campion of the good of death and Master assassin a The Guard field the intimidation Test and after getting hear the terrifying things some of the group had done. He let us go.

[@20catsRPG]

Did you low-roll your stupid dice when writing this post? Or is spelling just hard for you?

[@TheOnlyTherazan]

"You do have a fantastic social life, you have a bunch of people you roleplay with." *Looks at my total absence of group, the last 3 of them having disbanded last year. * Ouch.

[@lolitons2173]

How many games should I have with a group to make a decision about toxicity?

[@SquirrelGamez]

It's still very difficult to find other groups... You have to align schedules, personalities, and desired game. Even online, that is FAR from easy.

[@bonzobuttjr5548]

What is a player that “miss interprets” how a magic item works and turns a simple magic item into an epic item and then refuses to undo the changes they made to there character as a result of that “miss understanding”?

[@BestgirlJordanfish]

My thoughts as a GM for the past three years: A whiner/metagamer. A house rule declaration of saying, "hey, please be open to change as we go along. Your cooperation is always appreciated". And not just straight up taking stuff away though. Maybe it is secretly cursed from all that power, or maybe it is running out of magic power and needs to be blessed and recharged. Or maybe straight up discuss and nerf it, but compromise so it can work its way there. OP items can be nerfed for the sake of good story. For future notice, more clarity in item description may help as well, especially when giving magic items directly to them. All magic items should be homebrewed anyways, imo. And in the end, treating each other likr adults and not accusing anyonr of anything helps. See if you can cooperate or compromise. Best of luck!

[@larsdahl5528]

Dyslexic? I remember: The group found an "Earring of Disguise" and when written down it became an "Earring of the Skies". Or what about: An spell storing device was analysed to contain "2 * Cure Light" and when written down it contained "2 * Cure and 1 * Light".

[@nickwilliams8302]

Garret Murphy "What is a player that “miss interprets” how a magic item works and turns a simple magic item into an epic item and then refuses to undo the changes they made to there character as a result of that “miss understanding”?" An ex-player.

[@aaronghunter]

A manipulative power gamer who is, apparently, bullying the GM into permitting their poor behaviour.

[@ettinakitten5047]

10:08 And what if you're not comfortable with online play?

[@yukimori2104]

Find out who you are going to have on your table in terms of what type of player they're going to turn out to be like: toxic, rules lawyer, ... is by playing a game that goes like this. We are flying in an hot-air balloon, we are the last survivors of a volcanic eruption, and we have to reach a place that is very far off. Our problem just now is that there is a small hole we can't seem to fix. We do not have any material to mend the hole. This was the good news. The bad news is that at the rate it is going we would have to throw one of us out every 15 minutes so the others will survive. You are allowed to discuss about who will be thrown out, give reasons for why you should not be it, have a vote, do whatever you like. In the end what is important is that at most two of you will survive the journey. Anything is allowed! What you don't tell them is this: If they are going to say something like: 'They are a group! They managed to get to the balloon, they were always trying to help out each other in times of need so they will die together ...' End the game right away and tell them that they succeeded in their task. This will certainly be a good group. If on the other hand they start arguing, shouting at each other, how it is all about one person, and the others who may throw in ideas how they can fix the balloon even though you told them they can't, and they are being ignored by some player, wait until their game is over. Once it is over tell the player or players to leave and find greener pastures. It is a great way to identify and remove players before they become a problem. No harm done, no feelings hurt.

[@vagrant2863]

I have a friend who only makes edgy, brooding characters who ignore people. It was fine the first time but it's really started to get under my skin (he also never seems to roll beneath a 14 which has made me suspicious).

[@JaceBeleren89]

I loved this video thanks

[@MitchellTF]

I've never had a group that was 'Toxic free'...because every group will have an asshole. That said? TALKING with the toxic player is a great way to handle things. My closest to a toxic player is under control, and really only causes minor stress. (Basically? Only rants a little about how things should be 'grittier').

[@icedumi]

Thank u this helps.