How To Love Yourself as an INTJ | Ep 533 | PersonalityHacker.com

[@Personalityhacker]

How do you show yourself love as an INTJ? Unlock The Best Of Your Personality: www.personalityhacker.com

[@kwilk1984]

Recently while cleaning/organizing the shed I decided to take an old coffee table and folding chair and give myself a quiet space away from the house and technology where I can just focus on my thoughts. This has so far proved very good for introspecting in general. (Aside: I've always wanted a reading nook, so it'll have an added function.) I think this is the biggest recommendation I'd make to INTx's (and IxxJ's) in general. Carve out a physical space that's actually -- not figuratively -- off limits. And then just go there for an hour and absorb your thoughts, journal, read a book. It's a place to do whatever needs to happen to recharge, or plan out what hasn't been meticulously thought through.

[@carloscedillo5081]

You two are amazing. I can’t believe how effectively you spoke to me as an INTJ. I am a big fan of your channel

[@millenials_best]

Being my authentic self, with the means to provide for myself, makes me an INTJ woman who enjoys more than anything to be in solitude, learning and expanding my interests. I find it important to be authentic, regardless of how it affects others. That's loving myself a lot.

[@Personalityhacker]

Thank you for the comment. ~ Joel

[@millenials_best]

@@Personalityhacker I wasnt going to say anything but I've been through a whole lot to come to that realization. I'm 35 and my hair is mostly white, where I have the remnants of brown fading so quickly it seems. I stopped dying my hair and I love my authentic self. It's just a thing. Ok! I'm done!

[@KK-mf7we]

I have an INTJ in my life. Mistyped INTJ's wouldn't wish to be one if they just knew in what sort of hell an INTJ lives. Not easy at all. As she says, it's a curse. They benefit a lot from having INTPs or ENTP's in their lives.

[@prydegirl]

I would rather be respected and appreciated, than loved. Therefore I will just stay true to myself. I didn’t end up where I am by setting reasonable goals.

[@Personalityhacker]

Thanks for the comment. I agree. It seems that people who are high achievers set bigger goals than most. Reasonable goals are baseline in my opinion. ~ Joel

[@prydegirl]

I wish I had an INTJ manual, when I was born. I didn’t get to pick the color of my skin, my IQ, my personality, my metabolism or my parents. I struggle in school, always daydreaming or think about 50 different scenarios/ outcomes, felt like a time traveler, always in the future or the past. Ergo got bad grades in school, o had better things to think about. Transformation about age 20, brain clicked on, got a BS, DDS, Residency in Pediatric Dentistry. Fast forward, now retired, self reflecting. Grew up in a trailer, which by the way did nothing for my self esteem, always had high expectations for myself. Built a business, focused on systems and efficiency, best outcomes, putting my pts first. Never thought I’d be deca millionaire. So speaking of transformation really resonated with me. My kindergarten teacher called me quiet, shy, immature, daydreamer. She should have just called me an INTJ.

[@Personalityhacker]

@@prydegirl Sounds like a lot of experience in overcoming challenging initial conditions that you pushed through and demonstrated to yourself the ability. ~ Joel

[@drunken_viper]

Self love is gay ...always hate yourself as much as possible. - Dostoevsky Dostoevsky, through his novels, often presented self-love as a negative trait, indicative of selfishness and egoism, which could lead to isolation and moral decline. His Christian existentialism emphasized humility, self-sacrifice, and the love of others as paths to true self-fulfillment and redemption. Nietzsche, on the other hand, advocated for a form of self-love that is intertwined with self-overcoming and the creation of one's values, which he saw as essential for individual growth and excellence. His notion of the "Übermensch" or "Overman" embodies this ideal, where self-love is not mere narcissism but a fundamental part of achieving one's greatest potential.

[@AnnonymousPrime-ks4uf]

I considered self love a lie as well. The idea of love itself necessitates a relation. If you don't have a second party there's no relation so there's no love. The idea of self love also doesn't just work. If you are gonna use affirmations as some do it doesn't actually change anything. Which means self love isn't actually reality. You can't use self love to get rid of depression. That doesn't work that way. The limbic system and the inflammation of the amygdala is still there. So self love is a lie and delusion. So I don't trust in the idea of self love or self confidence or anything self related. Let's consider the logic of it. If love is directed outwardly and in the context of a relation it's akin to a whitehole whereby it expands. But if we turn it inward as self love that then contracts. So then my question is if love is expanding then turning it inward as self love results in a blackhole that can never be filled or satisfied. So the idea of self love doesn't work. One has to love, trust, etc. If they became self related and have the self as the reference point it will never be enough it will only increase the demand and expectation of that thing. The problem with the idea of self love is also that it creates a dialectical tension of opposites. If love is outward and expansive and gives. To turn it inward as self love and contracting and taking. It then transmutes love into self love which creates the duality of having both at the same time. One could say demand and supply but the supply is exhausted for the self. This then creates a conflict and opposition between what one has or needs and how that can be supplied and provided in this way the duality and division of the self appears in the form of I have to get X to have Y. This creates a conditional which maintains a false duality when in fact you don't have to look at what you need and you can just supply whatever you can. You can just give Y without needing X in return. In that way you became a source and self sufficient. Otherwise the moment you need something you became limited. That is if you can't get X then you will never be able to have Y. But you can just eliminate that conditional by starting from giving Y by embodying love.

[@SublimeShape]

@@AnnonymousPrime-ks4ufSelf love does exist and some people have better access than others because childhood experiences play a big role in being able to do it. It may be looked at as narcissism to those who can’t access it.

[@SublimeShape]

@@AnnonymousPrime-ks4uf Cognitive differences play a part in it aswell. You saying love has to be outward just doesn’t make sense to me because it doesn’t. I’m guessing you’re xNTP meaning you’re looking through the lense of Fe. Which is why you have the assumption that love must be expansive and outward instead of Inward(Fi)

[@AnnonymousPrime-ks4uf]

@@SublimeShape I. a (1): "strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties" (2): "attraction based on sexual desire : affection and tenderness felt by lovers" (3): "affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests" b: "an assurance of affection" II: "warm attachment, enthusiasm, or devotion" All definitions are from Webster dictionary. They all are in reference to someone else. Tell me how can you have affection arising from personal ties in 1a, attraction based on sexual desire in 2a, admiration or common interests in 3a, assurance of affection b, II enthusiasm and devotion all coming from and for the self? All those definitions of love are based on a relation and that is with someone else. A relation can't exist within the self. A can't have a relation with A itself. A and B can have a relation which could form C that could link them together. In this way looking by the form of A+B=C that is a relation. But with A there's no relation. By itself A will always be equal to A. So it can't be something different from itself to have a relation with itself. A=A and not B or C. There's no relation for A to have. As such self love lacks a relation and since A=A then there's no love involved but only the self. As such the self lacking a relation can't have love for itself. There's no logic in self love. It is nonsensical and a delusional absurdist claim. Pride: 1. "a high or inordinate opinion of one's own dignity, importance, merit, or superiority, whether as cherished in the mind or as displayed in bearing, conduct, etc." 3."a becoming or dignified sense of what is due to oneself or one's position or character; self-respect; self-esteem" Quite funny that the definition of self love is the same as that of pride. "A high or inordinate opinion of one's dignity, importance, superiority, weather as cherished in the mind or as displayed in bearing, conduct, etc". This is awfully similar with the definition of love "affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests". Now if we remove the relation with the other here and turn love inward we get admiration for oneself. So self love and pride are the same thing. In this sense then for pride it would also apply the relation A=A which always equals only the self just as pride is always self centered. In that way when someone says have self love is equal with saying be prideful.

[@Personalityhacker]

Thank you for adding this perspective to the conversation. ~ Joel

[@stephanbrunker]

As an INTJ, I think your car model is more correct for an INTJ in his teens or 20s than in his 40s or 50s. If you develop your Sensation, you can get far. I did some climbing or playing drums and the certainty you can achieve is quite reasonable. The limit is probably that you will never be equal to someone who has this function as driver or co-pilot, e.g. an SP-Type. But I really wish that you would have talked about the functions riding on the roof-top carrier (Accuracy and Exploration) and those left behind on the curb (Harmony and Memory). I don't have the complicated relationship with the 3-year-old and the expectation issues you describe, I have them especially with Harmony. While I can use Accuracy and Exploration quite well if I am in the mood with no pressure, Harmony simply doesn't work. With one sentence: nobody likes me. And I think that is the really, really depressing issue about being an INTJ. And the same sitting-on-the-curb relationship is true for the Sensation of the INTPs. It is much more true for them that their bodies are simply vehicles to carry their brain around.

[@peterdentice5725]

56:56 I'm responsible for what I say, not what you understand.

[@Elaesbe]

Really enjoying the conversation so far, but I just wanted to give you guys a heads up there is something weird with the audio. It's like the volume is pulsing as you talk. Maybe some sort of auto leveling thing? Sorry, I don't know enough about audio to describe it properly. Super distracting though. Listening through ear buds.

[@DeezyRYG]

Antonia's hair just keeps getting cooler. Anyway, amazing video---per usual.

[@mistasandman8996]

I’m a INTJ on anxiety medication Sertraline. It’s such a crazy feeling, my analytical intuition gets circumvented by the medication. Impending doom doesn’t bother me 🤷🏾‍♂️🤷🏾‍♂️

[@thecafcl8409]

I am an INTJ. I have a problem you describe of wanting to be perfect before forming relationships but on the positive I have also tuned in far more to the TE and have become very aggressive about exerting my mental models onto the world

[@Personalityhacker]

Thanks for sharing this. ~ Joel

[@KatrinaKatress]

I enjoyed this episode thank you. ❤

[@msinbalony]

Wow.. really wanted to listen to this.. but there's like an audio problem that's quite distracting.

[@lynnh1682]

Now with this 4b movement everyone will get a chance to see how being independent truly feels like. 😏