How to Make It Through the Holidays

How to Make It Through the Holidays | Being Well

Рет қаралды 3,704

Күн бұрын

Ah the holidays, that blessed time of year when we come together with our highly functional family systems to engage in some good, old-fashioned fun.
If that sounded like a joke, this episode is for you.
@RickHanson and I explore how to survive the holidays with the dishes (mostly) intact. We talk about the pull of dysfunctional family systems, our tendency to return to the way things were “back then,” and balancing the desire to flip the Thanksgiving table with the desire to just make it through another year. I thought this was one of the most interesting conversations we’ve had recently, and I hope you enjoy it.
Key Topics:
0:00 Introduction
2:00 What makes the holidays tough?
5:30 The gap between who you are now and how your family system interacts with you
14:25 Parents yearning for the past, and craving gratitude
25:10 Finding agency amidst obligation
27:50 The weaponization of morality, and not needing to defend boundaries
32:40 Appreciating something about people amidst your struggles with them, and identifying the stakes
39:10 Getting through it when it’s hard
44:05 The tension of wanting to speak up
46:50 Resourcing yourself ahead of time, and recognizing what’s in your best interest
53:00 Two kinds of grief and loss
1:03:30 Recap
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Who Am I: I'm Forrest, the co-author of Resilient (amzn.to/3iXLerD) and host of the Being Well Podcast (apple.co/38ufGG0). I'm making videos focused on simplifying psychology, mental health, and personal growth.
You can follow me here:
🎤 apple.co/38ufGG0
🌍 www.forresthanson.com
📸 / f.hanson

Пікірлер: 32

@knitnpaint 6 ай бұрын

I don't even have to explain my choice to walk away. No need to justify or argue. My choice is my choice. Staying kind and understanding.

@chrispasson1940 4 ай бұрын

Understand yeah

@AJ22-80 5 ай бұрын

Diagnosed NPD mothers 90th birthday in May 2024. This was and will be increadibly useful. Thank you

@FryNeedsCalm 6 ай бұрын

Hey, I listen to the podcast but I wanted to leave a message. This podcast is one of my emotional anchor points. Whenever I’m going through something difficult or need advice I listen in. I can’t even express how valuable you guys have been to me internal world. Thank you so much ❤

@ForrestHanson 6 ай бұрын

I really appreciate that.

@Sarahwithanh444 6 ай бұрын

Me tooooooo. I always feel so much better after listening to Rick and Forrest.

@justg8798 6 ай бұрын

I've listened to this four times and will probably listen again because something inside me is keeping me from reading the Patreon transcript -- like I need your faces and voices for comfort and support as I face going to my daughter's this Thursday. I'm in my 70s and she's in her 50s and I ask myself how things got this way because it's probably as stressful for her as for me. Remember the film AVALON and the Thanksgiving dinner scenes? I told myself I'd go in with the best expectations and openness for her partner and his children -- no judgements. Then I see an opinion piece in today's NYT by an organizational psychologist who says "Voicing our thoughts contributes to a sense of authenticity, which enhances our satisfaction with life. Expressing our views also signals our values to others at the table." Oy vey. Why do we put ourselves through this? "Love, " I think Rick would say. Thanks for this, Forrest!

@rgmartin1040 5 ай бұрын

Hi, I was dreading our Thanksgiving holiday for a variety of reasons. But after sending this video to 2 other of the 6 adults that would be attending our Thanksgiving get together hoping that they would watch/listen and help me do our best to make this holiday be better, I have to tell you our Thanksgiving get together was different than our other family gatherings. This one instead of being a get together was a get along! THANK YOU!!! There were many tips you gave that truly helped me enter without dread and allowed us all to have a better time than usual.

@llkellenba 6 ай бұрын

So I have had the opposite experience-my maternal grandmother made the holidays amazing and a total contrast to our very difficult nuclear family experiences. Now as an adult with grown children I have struggled terribly with loneliness - not being included. My siblings are not particularly welcoming towards me either -sometimes even hostile. They definitely do not care to view me in any other way than our dysfunctional family relationships set up by our difficult parents years ago. I am working on healing my trauma and they are not into it or knowing me. Boy do I feel the disconnect more clearly and heavily now than I ever have. I just can’t present myself to the indifference and hostility anymore. But there is still grief to process 😢. That said I am finding some relief and joy in the new life I am building as I accept reality and release toxic relationships and unrealistic expectations. Glimmers of happiness.

@maggiesalle2256 6 ай бұрын

Loving the sarcasm!! I now despise the holidays. I had to perform for narcissistic parents for fake love year round. Some years Mom would give defective or thoughtless gifts on purpose to punish me. I don't care anymore.

@AudioTruyenLangQue 6 ай бұрын

I love how all of these medical mysteries have something to do with food! Thank you so much for sharing these with us

@Jp18888 5 ай бұрын

Thank you so much for this… please keep supporting and validating so many of us out here that needed to hear this ❤

@Centuari 6 ай бұрын

Loved the bit on weaponizing morality.

@katiestewart1361 6 ай бұрын

✨❤✨Another gift of an episode! Profound thanks for the compassion, validation, comfort, and empowerment your warm, respectful, and intelligent cross-generational conversations offer. May all for whom the holidays are not happy find balm and ballast here - and within themselves.

@jeangraham5351 6 ай бұрын

Hey, @ 35min in here, ..Maybe we should start a tradition of bringing a basket of bread rolls to throw to wake someone up to what they are doing, in a gathering of friends and family. What could it hurt if all done in fun? edit to end: always the wrap-ups are the best, especially with your work on agency use. Thank-you

@time2bherenow 6 ай бұрын

Marshmallows are cheaper

@Rajbangsa 6 ай бұрын

Thank you for this subject 🙏

@HarpistYorkshire 6 ай бұрын

Off to India for a holiday this year...🕌

@ItspronouncedAaron 6 ай бұрын

What a timely topic… So much good stuff here! I’m sure I’ll revisit this show more than once. You both communicate so well in your own style and bring so much to this discussion. I’m prepping for a Thanksgiving visit back “home” to visit my folks, and my brother and sister. I’m traveling early to have spend some extra time to have some “real talks” with them before my wife and 12 yo daughter arrive to join in. My parents have a large home, and we are hoteling once my wife arrives for a couple of days, then will stay a couple of nights. Boundaries… Fences make good neighbors, distance in the service of attachment and have your own ride… did I mention we will have a rental car? Also love Forrest’s revelation about letting go of this obligation to argue or justify our boundaries to defend our peace. Love it. Bonus points for referencing The Bear (my favorite show). Thank you for this wonderful advice. This felt tailor made for me. 🤗

@ariana42 6 ай бұрын

I am already feeling the stress knowing people are crashing at my house without asking but being told so, I feel like Claire, the wife of Clark Griswold and Cousin Eddie is coming to town! Thank you always for these episodes, I RELY on your podcasts to keep me sane and mindful of others!! Its not all about ME!!!! So I just want to say I am greatful for the podcast to get through the season and the year!! Thank you Forrest and Rick Hanson!

@bellaluce7088 6 ай бұрын

:08 to :36 The intro and Rick's reaction to it are priceless! 😄❤

@teacherburton3559 6 ай бұрын

You stay you and centered, sending LOVE, just rest in being present and letting others be who they are, my message is peace. It’s just a holiday. My life doesn’t revolve around this one encounter..,,,I let it be. You and your dad THRILL MY MIND- thanks for this channel!

@laurelinlorefield318 6 ай бұрын

Great podcast with many tools and perspectives useful in getting through the holidays. I wish you had dealt more with losses. Last Thanksgiving was my father's last day of life. I had taken care of him while be was on hospice, and we used the time well. I don't have regrets, but I miss him very much. Mom died six months before him, so I am grieving both losses. So many triggers on that holiday. Thanks for all the ideas and ways of looking at things. I'm sure some of them will help.

@lizafield9002 6 ай бұрын

Thank you!!! 100% relate. Both older parents, a Thanksgiving death, both died in one year. I was the caregiver. I still can't play the old English Christmas carols my dad loved, but find heloful & wonderful: desert spirituality (the Desert Fathers, the old Cold Mountain tao poems, Zen mind, etc!) truly divine & healing. Plus long hikes loads of sacred sleep, serving lonely kinfolk & strangers, green gunpowder tea & limiting any time with judgey discontent family members.

@avakennedy3519 6 ай бұрын

Thanks Forrest and Rick. This was helpful and meaningful for me.

@skyepalmer5719 6 ай бұрын

Hello, thanks for the Video. Im so glad i decided a few years back that i was better off and no longer lonely at Christmas. It took time but i got there 🎉 I used to feel left out because i had no husband or children (by choice) or a loving family to spend Christmas with. Ill be looking forward to spending time alone again this year with my 3 dogs. Im grateful i have the choice not to be with my dysfunctional family, some dont. Eat, sleep, clean etc.. when i want to😂

@Shutzie27 6 ай бұрын

Thank you for this comment. I'm a singleton by choice, too, and this will be my second Christmas on my own. I have tried so hard to lean into decorating, making myself treats, creating a quiet, cozy couple of days for myself, kitty cudddles, gratitude...but to be honest there's still a part of me that just crumples up inside. I feel like crying and can't; your comment gives me hope it won't always be this hard.