How to make my bully boss treat me better

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How to make my bully boss treat me better is explored in detail in this video. Should you start with HR? The response is a resounding "NO." This is a video about a boss who is a bully--ergo the title bully boss. It is not about a boss who is a true narcissist--so totally self-centered that he/she cannot function without lavish praise and abject groveling loyalty. The typical bully boss is a difficult person, but not a narcissist--just to make that clear :)
Please subscribe to this channel by pressing the subscribe button in the video. There are more videos coming on dealing with challenges both at work and at home.

[@shootwithjets]

Thank you Dan, my boss constantly disrespects my peers, residents, vendors and myself in front of people. I have reasons to believe she’s insecure and is afraid of failure, so she uses us to hide her insecurities and show dominance. I told myself today, that I will not allow her to continue her behavior but first I want to plan accordingly before I go ahead and speak my mind.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

You bet; plan out what you are going to say, and keep it direct, mindful, and on script.

[@Doriesep6622]

Don't go into a meeting like that with no notes? I was tricked into thinking the meeting was to explore the possibilities of using AI but then ambushed by three administrators. Don't worry. I have started a grievance.

[@LeafsIn2024]

"I am here abour my Father's business,"... I work as unto the Lord. He who giveths and takeths away is my ultimate boss! Wow, Dan!!! You logically and systematically laid out several golden points here! Since subscribing recently, your professionalism, tips, and humour have exceeded my expectations and earned my sincerest gratitude. Thank you very much! 🙏🌟🇨🇦

[@TheWizardOfWords]

You are welcome, Leafs :)

[@suzannebunbury2961]

I feel the same way that you do, nice comment.

[@bonnechancecc6568]

I recently found your channel and I've been binge-watching and learning ever since. Love! I had a high level position but had a boss who treated us in a demeaning way. My biggest regret is that I said nothing and didn't advocate for myself. Your communication tools would have have made the difference. Your background sound effects and voices are fun and spot on!

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Thanks, Bonnechance. I think the risk/reward is in favor of the person who safeguards his/her boundaries--in a mindful way.

[@misupport6735]

Lol as i write this listening to your vid you mentioned the additional issue I have. My 41-yr old boss is a passive-aggressive, narcissist. 😆 I'm following your other vid about narcissistic boss and implementing. I'm taking this on as a final exam in a major life lesson. Thanks for empowering us!

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Thank you MI. I'm doing my best and btw, I receive my own empowerment from you and others with whom I interact here on YT and elsewhere :)

[@misupport6735]

@@TheWizardOfWords 👊❤

[@SPSHSP]

Yeah I’m a day late dollar short and didn’t realize i wasn’t being bullied til years into it!

[@januahry2287]

I have to watch this video over and over again to practice how to say this to my coworker.

[@Ad-Lo]

Dan, you are a LIFESAVER!

[@jessicaway8529]

I wish I could time travel and share this talk to several younger versions of myself. Thank you!!

[@DarkbutNotsinister]

It almost makes me angry. WHERE WERE YOU 15 YEARS AGO!! But who can be angry at Dan for more than a few seconds? We can all define kindness, but Dan shows us how to WORK kindness.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

That was a wonderful compliment, Erin. Thank you.

[@WorkingProgress17]

I know that's right!

[@william_leonard]

I found a video of you 7 years ago, and it blew me away. You are brilliant.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Thank you, William. Now if this is my mother using another pseudonym--well, ya got me again, Mom.

[@marshamunger6004]

O Dan won't you give your Mom a bit more credit lol.

[@sassypants6213]

Oh my gosh...I needed to hear this today!! Great advice, Dan. You are the best!

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Glad it was helpful!

[@jennifermoran5489]

i have been in this job for 19 years and retiring soon. I have tried over the years to educate my current boss of 15 years that we needed a different form of treatment from her.... she always took it personally and defensively, with no coworkers backing me up. She would calm down for about a week but would go right back to her old ways. I do take some of the blame for not engaging more often against her bad behavior but I cannot take the blame for her return to bad behavior every time.... I will be leaving a letter of suggestions for her when I am gone. You're awesome, by the way!!!

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Jennifer, if this woman's behavior was toxic, why was no one backing you up?

[@jennifermoran5489]

@@TheWizardOfWords The others were too afraid to approach the boss about the hostile work environment.... even after they said they would have my back. I just hope my exit letter will affect the boss enough to change.

[@l8diva]

​@@TheWizardOfWords ​​Dan, I love you, but I am appalled at this particular question if it was not a sarcastic question. I am appalled because anyone who has experienced being singled out by such a boss would know that they intimidate weak onlookers to side with them and prevents them from speaking up! I was in the same situation. Also the boss used falsified navigational phrases in front of other bosses to make it appear that she was NOT the antagonist! Witnesses said they didn't want her to turn on them so they stayed quiet! But then when I left they asked ME for help as she turned on them! They left the job themselves in the end due to the constant toxicity! I had worked there for 14yrs and the last 3yrs was when she came along and formulated a toxic culture because I was showing her up as it emerged she had no managerial qualifications when I started a management course myself and she was unable to help with it. She was 1 boss-step above me.

[@lizzi437]

@@l8diva I think Dan offers great advice here. However, as both you and jennifermoran5489 have experienced, there are certain people upon which this "hard reset" advice might not work. In my case, my former boss would EAT UP any form of deference and humanity that anyone paid towards her. To her, it would come off as weakness and it would add to her arsenal of manipulation. Mind you, I did not put up with her shenanigans. I took responsibility, but in my own way. She feared me to a certain extent. But that didn't feel good to me. That's not the kind of working relationship I want with my boss or with anybody. It became very exhausting working for a person who played too many games with too many good people.

[@l8diva]

@@lizzi437 @lisk2142 Thanks for your response. My comment was not about *the advice* that Dan gave (I have been following him for many years & agree he provides valuable advice). My comment that you have replied to was about the question that Dan posted on this very thread. I was shocked that he even asked "IF this woman's behaviour was so toxic, why was no one else backing you up?"... 🙄

[@cl-ev2sg]

I almost didn’t watch this video but then I remembered a colleague who is often inappropriate, professionally, is now my manager. I began to take control of our conversations over a year and a half ago. Today I learned some new power phrases to set the tone and rules. I am going to practice and start using them effectively. I attained financial freedom a year ago this month. My “bosses“ do not realize I can literally, not figuratively, walk away from my job at a moment’s notice. This plus keeping myself marketable is true Power. Thank you for your videos!

[@JLo.32P]

Expanding on what you state from what I’ve learned in my own therapy as I process on my healing journey and this is a great tool for anyone to learn and utilized. CBT thought separation is worth mentioning here regarding talking to the self. DON’T: I’m upset. I’m angry. DO: I have the thought that I’m upset. I have the thought that I’m angry. Separate the self from the thought/emotion. Thanks for a great talking point, Dan! Happy New Year!

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Thanks for your observations, Joseph. Good points. And Happy New Year, Joseph!

[@tarawalsh-arpaia3928]

Thought separation is an excellent term. My comment as a lawyer who has dealt with these cases is above but part is very relevant to what you have said. No offense to Dan because he is a precious gem. I wrote (in part): 'Once we start sliding down the slippery slope of NOT becoming accustomed to being in a work constructive environment, it WILL gradually chip away at you and transform you into a shadow of your old self. Fixing that can take years, at LEAST! You would not, presumably, remain in a space with deadly radioactive material, right? Think of it that way because that is exactly where you are. Think technical like this rather than personal. Get out of that environment asap and, in the meantime, create a protective bubble around yourself that nourishes and validates your value. Let that poorly managed company or workplace stew in its own rot or implode. Goodbye. Take care of YOU.'

[@suzannebunbury2961]

Yessssss! I Your teaching is thrilling. I’ve never heard anything like your message. It gives me hope and shows me direction to my next endeavors for my development. Thank you!

[@TheWizardOfWords]

You are most most most most most welcome :)

[@mfoster90]

Thank you. I needed to hear you. Awesome !!!!

[@Luvnsummer]

Very inspiring thoughts! Thank you!!

[@TheBohemianStyle]

Absolutely fantastic advice! I will note this but I hope this doesn’t happen to me. I try to practice kindness, but I need to build up boundaries and follow through with it.

[@staydizzymissgiddy1240]

I Love you! 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽because your messages are life savers for what could go horribly wrong in what could be a very wonderful work environment 🤜🤛🏾 I work at a restaurant and my boss unnecessarily called me and idiot in front of staff when asking if I can go home early to be with family on NYE since there wasn’t a job position for me to do that night and when I tried to rebut with “ no I’m not an idiot” he told me to shut up and get out of the kitchen. Grated he’s usually drunk and might not remember but it’s humiliating and acts this way often…I almost called him an asshole😂

[@TheWizardOfWords]

I would talk with him privately and tell him that the next time he calls you a name--either in front of staff or privately, you're quitting. Then do it. There are better jobs with better bosses.

[@PiCheZvara]

I have a bullying boss who knows I think he's bullying and he knows I think he's insecure. It's pretty much impossible to work for him - if I improve my performance, he finds ways to cut me down, if I then am down, he's disappointed about me not trying harder. In front of others, he's fake understanding and compassionate to show he isn't bullying me, because he knows this reputation has developed about him and it could affect his authority and his standing with other employees. Going to a nuthouse every day. Worst thing - there are many co-workers here who bully me too, because they see the boss do it, so they just jump on the bandwagon.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Find a new work environment if you possibly can; yours is toxic.

[@chochomeow1525]

Would like to know more about this too

[@wmel-ut6oo]

Sorry to hear that smh. I hope you ended up getting away from that madhouse and found peace elsewhere!

[@DEAH-01]

Dan, I googled that and your picture came up . You are an excellent resource . I always refer people to tune in to your channel . You are a beautiful soul 👍🥂Happy New Year .

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Thank you so much, Deah. I appreciate the referrals and your words :)

[@suzannebunbury2961]

Thanks! God bless you and Happy New Year Dan !!!!! 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻🏆 (A humble gift, not mistaken duplicates )

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Happy new year! And I am humbled by and grateful for your gifts :) :) (and now I know they're not "mistaken duplicates." :)

[@gabriellejackson6327]

Love your videos and your amazing personality and great advice

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Thank you, Gabrielle.

[@Julie-sr5di]

You have made this so entertaining to watch😂

[@maryhunt5171]

Dan is always who I turn to for absolute golden nougats of skills I need to perfect. I share his content with family members who struggle....he is the consummate communicator who is making positive how-to's for a world that has somehow lost it's ability to have meaningful relationships.... it's possible to have them as long as we have respect for ourselves, first and foremost. Then, we can truly respect others. Dan is fantastic.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Mary, I certainly appreciate your kind words. Together we can raise the global dialogue, one conversation at a time.

[@PMChic]

I wish I knew you when…. 90% is our response. It’s amazing how emotions play such a destructive path with soft skills of passionate personalities. Thank you for your time spent teaching how to separate the emotion to clearly convey a powerful message.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Thank you for your message, Lindakitz.

[@meganmcdonald7367]

Aww! Look at your dear puppy ❤

[@heavenlysemt]

Feeling empowered!

[@cindyhale-lorenzetti1033]

Thank you. This is amazing

[@TheWizardOfWords]

You're very welcome!

[@lulumoon6942]

👉I hope many, but especially younger people, watching this take such tips to heart, it could prevent a lifetime of heartache for at least them, and possibly others!

[@mindywood119]

Love these lessons.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Glad to hear it!

[@rs5570]

Just perfect. ❤️

[@patriciainportland5567]

My first video of 2023! Setting myself up for success! Happy New Year, Dan!!!

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Happy new year!!

[@suzannebunbury2961]

I agree with you! 😁

[@kenyathefrugal475]

Love it!

[@liagrigori]

You’re amazing 🎉

[@anlu3365]

WOW! 🙏🏾 thanks!

[@TheWizardOfWords]

You are so welcome

[@carolinehebel8649]

Yes 🙌 Thank you ☺️ Yes and you can “quote “me hahaha 😅 “Fool me once shame on you!!!!!! Fool me hundreds of times shame on me “!!!!!!!!!! My point by exaggerating that famous quote is that some people never own their part in a conflict!!!!! What do you do then???? Happy Holidays everyone ❤!!!!!!!🎊 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

[@brightpage1020]

Dan, another amazing video. You outdo yourself, again for us. Thank you! What did it take for you to qualify as this effective word ninja? What path led to this incredible talent?

[@TheWizardOfWords]

A winding road--and I'm still on it.

[@suzannebunbury2961]

I would love to hear more about that too. Some bio would be interesting, inspiring and helpful!

[@wardygrub]

Hey Dan 🎉HAPPY New Year to you xxx love from Manda xxx England 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 uk 🇬🇧 xxx

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Hey Man--Happy New year to you from Ajijic, MX and Saint Paul, MN :)

[@suzannebunbury2961]

Thanks!

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Thank you Suzanne!

[@DarkbutNotsinister]

Have you ever worked with someone with involuntary sobbing syndrome(I made that up)? What IS real is when I have these types of discussions with these types of people, I start to cry AND I HATE IT. I’ve used notes. I’ve had a personal pep rally in my head. I’ve had anti-anxiety medication. 🤬 The best I’ve come up with is holding my breath, but it only works for so long. It falls apart when I speak.…Involuntary Sobbing Syndrome. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Well, I certainly like the title. I've actually done a video on working with people who will cry. Quick summary--have a box of tissues on your desk. When this person starts in, hand him/her a tissue and say "After you're composed, let's continue." If you feel you're going to cry also, LEAVE THE ROOM FOR A FEW MINUTES. There. you go.

[@DarkbutNotsinister]

@@TheWizardOfWords Wait, what? You have a video I haven’t watched? And you have one on ISS (involuntary sobbing syndrome)? It was the owner of the company who liked to see me cry. I found out I was a game to him. He ACTUALLY SAID “How should I make Flick cry this week?” to a colleague. 🤬 Cue awkward conversation. I was an assistant & 3 of the guys I supported took me out to lunch. “We love you, we love your work, we can’t watch you be abused anymore.” I’m the one with ISS & it’s so frustrating when I have prepared great words, but can’t get them out. Going to find the Involuntary Sobbing Syndrome video!

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Erin, have you ever heard the phrase "Keep your chin up?" It refers to how difficult it is to cry with your chin UP. So--when you feel as though you're going to cry, you now know what to do. Now, about that video you clearly missed:kzbin.info/www/bejne/o6HJfJiFhM2clac

[@MythMReality]

Thanks

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Many many thanks, SIL. Sorry it took so long to say that--vacation and all that :)

[@tarawalsh-arpaia3928]

OH boy, I am a lawyer (you've heard from me before) and I am just at the cliff edge where you talk about bringing witnesses into the meeting. 'Especially because HR is a great friend of yours and I just don't know that.' Bullseye!

[@TheWizardOfWords]

You're a lawyer? Did you ever study the Little Rock High decision of 1957?

[@rhoadestraveled]

Can I flip this as the manager and deliver this same message to my employee? I’m a new manager to her and she won’t take the most simple directions from me. She doesn’t like me as a person. I’m a happy half full type person and she’s pessimistic and always assumes the worse of everything. She needs to hear a lot of these same things. The key to leadership is establishing respectful working relationships. She just won’t meet me halfway.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

You bet--talk to her.

[@marinam7587]

Too late I just did the "do not" at the beginning 😐😓

[@annipaulekas2349]

I’d love to find that link and have one on one communication on my Specific expressions To mejorar mi being. Best A

[@penelopepitstop7748]

Thank god I found you!!! My stomach has been in knots for days as I avoid my obnoxious daughter. Out of nowhere I suddenly became public enemy No1 for posting a picture of a new grandchild 🤷🏽‍♀️ Need more help on how to deal with horrible adult kids. The unique problem with them is that you don’t want to hurt them to ‘Shut them down’, yet they have no such concern.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Do you mean she doesn't call or won't answer your calls? How has her pattern changed?

[@penelopepitstop7748]

@@TheWizardOfWords won’t answer calls only txts. A week now...

[@judojohn11]

I'm feeling like a failure because yesterday I met at the park with my bosses and they said "I have to let you go". The reason they gave me is that I'm forgetting the processes while making the projects. Which is jewelry etc. The projects always turned out even if I forgot something for a moment because of anxiety. Deep down I feel it was something deeper. Can they get to this point because I don't have the same belief system as they do?

[@MythMReality]

Thankyou. Dan can you answer or do a video on what to do or say if a person in charge of you is not passing on your work for the decision makers to see? It’s exhausting because I put all this work in and it disappears. I’m isolated in a small team and not allowed to talk to the CEO, and it seems to others, about my work apart from through her.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Whatever you do, do not try to go over the head of your boss--ever. My suggestion is that you have a meeting with your boss and ask specifically about a project or projects that were not passed on, and request guidance as to what needs to be improved before these are presented to the CEO.

[@MythMReality]

@@TheWizardOfWords Thanks for your reply Dan. Yes I have developed enough intelligence thanks to you not to do that. That’s a good idea to phrase it like that. I never thought to say it like that I was just going to charge in and say ‘why haven’t you passed it on’? You are a genius. Hopefully other people benefit from your advice on this too,

[@the.blue.raven7777]

What if the boss tries to ignore the usual processes and ignore the stakeholders/ decision makers ?

[@boyv4667]

I think your suggested responses for instance to deal with nasty people's comments and similar have very good suggestions, but lots of your suggested responses are incredibly lengthy and complicated, some 5 sentence replies etc.... The thing is when person is starting to give back lengthy response, it automatically starts to sound like they are really affected by whatever person said, or putting lots of effort in response and that makes the nasty person automatically win. In the cases like that the shorter sentence and fewer words is more power.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Always if you have something that works better for you, use it. When it comes to communication, I don't look for a win/lose. This is not a battle. I look to have my boundaries respected, and to respect the boundaries of the other person as well.

[@BusinessAndEntrepreneurship.]

These are some helpful tips in language and communication. I’m in my 25th day on the job, my birthday was last week. They want to take me out Monday, however, my boss snarls at me when I ask questions about work, yet she is also direct. Should I go or turn it down?

[@TheWizardOfWords]

I think that friends at work present a risk to you. Personally, I'd pass. If at all possible, keep work separate from your social life.

[@sssttt2211]

My boss had very few of these qualities and still they were putting down me with their comments that i lack soft skills. When asked for specific they had no answer. All this talk was during negotiations of salary : clearly they were manipulating me so I would not negotiate much.

[@tarawalsh-arpaia3928]

I meant NOT being accustomed...apologies.

[@HabitualLover]

D.O.C. I came looking for you today (On YT, not irl). Apparently many people use communication skills as a weapon instead of using them as a tool (to build something better). Have you ever heard of people using “The Broken Record” as a technique to not engage in anything the other person is saying? What would D.O.C. do in that situation?

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Yes. I teach MINDFUL communication, which means protecting your boundaries without confronting or engaging in rude behavior. The idea is to uplift the global dialogue, one conversation at a time :)

[@kristinafreeman911]

Hey Dan! I have a good topic for you: How do I respond to unnecessary criticism at work (I‘m talking about when you made a tiny human mistake, it‘s sorted out but your boss still makes a comment to ‚remember to do X next time‘). Essentially how can we deal with a nitpicky colleague that isn‘t quite a bully but their comments are quite demoralising? Mine always makes unnecessary criticism about my work and sends a smiley face - so annoying!

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Give me a specific example, Kristina :)

[@kristinafreeman911]

@@TheWizardOfWords So for example, I was asked to proofread something for my boss (all my colleagues are non-natice speakers but speak decent english). He sent it via email. I took a look, rewrote the text and sent it back. Then a few minutes later he asks about the salutation at the end (Best regards, X). Apparently I had missed that part out; I didn't think it was necessary to proofread it seeing as we have automatic salutations in our email template anyway. So anyway, I answer his questions about how to write the 'Best regards' part and all is well. But then he sends a snarky 'Remember to copy-paste all the message next time ;)'...I just saw this as a totally unneccessary thing to say when the issue was resolved and it was because of human error! It was essentially like asking me not to make a human error again which is not possible surely! And also he puts smiley faces all the time which comes across as really sarcastic. So yeah, this was the unneccessary criticism I was talking about. Thanks!

[@homehandywife]

Lol sorry for blowing up your phone. I just wanted to get some of the Dan O’Connor communication videos to you. Pop around his channel there is a lot there. 👍

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Well now! Thanks HHW :)

[@successaura4745]

What if the boss is silently firing you and you know it, how would the conversation flow be as a staff?

[@TheWizardOfWords]

I wouldn't have a conversation. I'd be polishing my resume and packing my bags.

[@cynthiarunge4858]

Hilarious

[@marwaeldiwiny]

Hello Dane! What should I do if I had these conversations with the boss and still no change happen, they harass me, degrade me every meeting, I just signed off last meeting and I was on sickness leave and they tell me what should I do in my personal life, it is getting to the point I am losing my self and developing PTDS. I am in academia and I couldnot handle one for one since it is repeated over and over, we will have a conversation with the ombudsman man, bullying officer and me. I don’t know if I should be present if I have the PTSD? But indeed my expectation is to see if there is a form of hard resent and getting better which I doubt, it seems that having ombudsman and bullying officer isnot a good idea this should happen in Jan and boss was notified. I am just drained and I cannot take it over it now more than two years.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Marwa, from everything you're telling me--you need to search for a new place of employment. No job is worth PTSD.

[@marwaeldiwiny]

Thanks so much Dane for reassuring me indeed I am planning for this in Jan. I just want to say I am deeply grateful for your videos and I feel I need to absorb all these skills to make my life easier. I wish you a great year Dane!

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Thanks, Marwa, and be sure to go to my YT channel and search "how to quit your job" for the full video--not just the short.

[@nicolegabriellelemmond2924]

My manager is fantastic! What about a bully co-worker?

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Check out some of my other videos, Nicole--specifically the shorts :)

[@DarkbutNotsinister]

It depends on how fantastic manager feels about bully co-worker. HR is NEVER your friend.

[@nicolegabriellelemmond2924]

@@TheWizardOfWords Thank you so much!

[@nicolegabriellelemmond2924]

@@DarkbutNotsinister That co-worker does not report to my manager. She has a completely different manager. She is this way with many others too. I have not gone to HR.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Right. NEVER INVOLVE HR OR YOUR BOSS.

[@sakn8751]

What about bosses who tag team and conspire with a group just because of your background? This would feed their ego and they'll do it more.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

I don't think so.

[@uknowitliberty6373]

Dan, do you still have the energy vampire slayer women's pants?

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Yes, they are still available for purchase :)

[@uknowitliberty6373]

@@TheWizardOfWords How do I book a session pkg & get matching pants?

[@TheWizardOfWords]

You write Jean at jean@danoconnortraining and she'll fix you up so you'll look just like her.

[@acykat2069]

I'm a little confused by the 'i know you're at effective x' because my boss is not at all. One of our biggest points of contention work integrity, he gets upset by me trying to do a good job. Am I trying to convince him to change? That seems pretty unlikely.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Your boss gets upset by your trying to do a good job? Is he afraid you'll get his job?

[@acykat2069]

@@TheWizardOfWords i think it was more about a situation where deadlines were involved and I wasn't being permitted to work to my usual standards, even while meeting that deadline. His communication in this case has mostly been "don't ask why just do it" which I really hate, it was explained to me by others at my company.

[@sparkely1122]

Also where's the narcissistic boss video? I cant find it.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Keep looking, Sam. I have a couple on my YT channel.

[@Suzy585]

I love your content but this would never work with my boss. He would probably roll his eyes.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

That may be, but . . . .

[@island661]

How to avoid a boss that looks at you sexually? He may be attracted to me, or maybe he just likes making me feel uncomfortable. Either way, it's real and he does it every time we interact. It's creepy and makes me feel uncomfortable. I don't want to interact with him at all at this point.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

O L--There is very little you can do about the way people look at you--even though I certainly know what you mean. Unless your boss says or does something to make you feel uncomfortable, there is nothing to say to him. Having said that--try to interact with him only when others are present; that will take away his chance to give you creepy looks. If you MUST interact with him when no one is present--keep your distance and minimize eye contact.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Problem is--reading a look is totally subjective. It would be helpful if someone were around to verify to O L that the boss is actually leering. E.g. if he looks this way at everyone--he's not leering; he may be just plain creepy-looking, which is sad for him.

[@island661]

@@TheWizardOfWords Unfortunately he doesn't look at other coworkers this way because I have watched. I am very attractive (not bragging) so it's not like it's the first time men have done this, but it's not usually in a work environment. I do try to avoid eye contact most of the time. I'm not going to lie, I find him attractive as well, but I have never revealed that, as I'm professional and married. He is also married. It just makes it hard because he's my boss. There is definitely sexual chemistry. I avoid him like the plague if possible.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

O L, you're either attracted to him or find him creepy; you can't have it both ways. Or you have a vivid imagination, and you wish he were flirting with you. If you're sending me mixed signals, I imagine you're signaling him too. You're watching to see how he looks at other people? Come on now. You want him to flirt with you. You've been thinking about this. You've determined there is sexual energy. Good grief, O L, it is difficult to determine if you are bragging or complaining. You're probably thinking about this guy way more than he's thinking about you. If that's the case, be glad and stay away from him. You're playing with fire.

[@island661]

@@TheWizardOfWords He's attractive, but I'd never go there. A person can think someone's attractive and creepy. The way he looks at me is not professional. Remember Ted Bundy? Attractive, yet creepy.

[@tarawalsh-arpaia3928]

OKay a bit iffy about your phrasing. I agree that if you are engaging with a mature, reasonable and professional adult, this i your way. Perfect. But, that is not often the case for the employee and if they 'take responsibility' in any way, it will be twisted (if necessary) and used against them. So, Joe apologized for his difficulty in doing his job effectively.' Even better: 'Jan even apologized to Sara for allowing her work difficulties to deteriorate.' Bye Jan. Your best advice Dan, is: (in my words) is this person a mature, reasonable and professional AND self-aware (hence mature) adult or will they most likely emotionally explode, cast the interaction as you attacking them and wreck your life. If you are in an environment that is not conducive to grown-up communication skills, GET OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!! Do NOT subject yourself to the emotional, and potential professional, damage this person can and will do to you. Once we start sliding down the slippery slope of becoming accustomed to being in a work constructive environment, it WILL gradually chip away at you and transform you into a shadow of your old self. Fixing that can take years, at LEAST! You would not, presumably, remain in a space with deadly radioactive material, right? Think of it that way because that is exactly where you are. Think technical like this rather than personal. Get out of that environment asap and, in the meantime, create a protective bubble around yourself that nourishes and validates your value. Let that poorly managed company or workplace stew in its own rot or implode. Goodbye. Take care of YOU.

[@smoothiecutie2277]

👍👍👍

[@dogodivaamorfati7190]

Dan how do you respond to a boss that says to you- " I can't go around writing up people for being ugly or I would have no employees." " Ya know Denise we all choose to be offended..." ?

[@dogodivaamorfati7190]

Dan I have been watching your videos now for a couple years and I just think you have the most incredible mind! I wish I had a tiny Dan on my shoulder all day long to help me navigate the world better 😁. Thank you Dan

[@TheWizardOfWords]

I would respond to the first with: "I am surprised a professional such as you would make such a personal comment that offends so many in this company. I wouldn't expect that of a leader who has the company's best interests in mind." And then I would walk out before he makes another smart remark, and I wouldn't look back. In re the second comment I might say "Really? So you give yourself approval to be offensive and blame the one you are offending for hearing you? Really?" That is how I would respond, shortly before I left his/her employment.

[@sparkely1122]

How do I become your client?

[@TheWizardOfWords]

[e-mail]

[@brightpage1020]

Did you literally quote Jesus from when he went missing as a kid and was busted in the temple teaching the rabbis about God? In that case, please cite your source. I'm more sinner than scholar so please double check me on this, but I think it's in the book of Luke, around chapter 41. Not sure if I've identified the right quote but I think that's the story it came from.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Cite my source? You give me too much credit, BP.

[@brightpage1020]

@@TheWizardOfWords 😆 I double majored in English and International Economic Security Policy like 20 years ago. Can you blame me? Good times were sure to be had. 😄 Hope you got a kick out of that one. I sure did. Thanks.

[@annamillan2903]

Are you a supporter of the Portuguese National Selection Team of Portugal? I am Portuguese. :)

[@TheWizardOfWords]

And I am wearing the uniform because it was given to me as a gift--from an Irish woman who liked the colors.

[@altagraciacharles6029]

What happens if your boss is the millennial and drags in executives that have respect for you and bad mouths you in front of them. These executives on counting on me to work with him.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

How did you handle that?

[@suzannebunbury2961]

Thanks!

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Thank you for starting off my new year with your gifts. I will try to earn them!

[@suzannebunbury2961]

Thanks!

[@TheWizardOfWords]

☺☺☺

[@suzannebunbury2961]

Thanks!

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Suzanne, you are too kind :) :) :)