How to make real friends (and be one, too) | Chris Stefanick Show

People can be super-annoying. Even some of the saints weren’t always the most pleasant companions! The fact is, we are all broken creatures. But God still calls us to live in communion with each other.
Friendship is one of the most profound unions we can have. And it’s necessary to live a full, joyful life. But how can you find joy in friendship, even during those annoying times? And how do you choose good friends and avoid bad ones?
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[@ianmackenzie686]

The older we get the more of a challenge making new friends is. We should pray sincerely for the lonely. Loneliness is truly a silent malady.

[@MariaSilva-yd5nz]

💯

[@Christina-ov4lt]

I am lonly for few years. At first hurting a lot but later I get use to. Now I am stronger but I still hope to have people who will care about me. Thank You for preying.

[@hei7586]

Perhaps pray for them AND take them into company...

[@GRILLO4166]

I became a catholic but am starving. for catholic friends, not just going to mass which is beautiful but we need each other often too.

[@GamingGrandma50]

I'm 49 and have no real friends and that has played so heavy on me for yrs. I am attending my 1st Catholic women's Conference.....I pray to make some real friends.

[@johna1607]

Im 65 years old. My wife I got much more involved in the church in the last 18 months. Legion of Mary and Eucharistic Minister. Being a Catholic is more than 1 hour of Mass a week. I have many friends now. Luvs me some deep conversations with like minded Catholics.

[@dinnapadilla]

I was in theatre, tv and small-venue live performances singing and doing comedic acts during my younger years. I had a big "showbiz" personality and almost everyone gravitated towards me...amd i knew a lot of people. But as i grew older, and i'll be 60 in 3 years, i have become introverted - preferring the company of friends who have stood by me, and i by them, through thick and thin, through sick and sin. It is a wonderful comforting feeling that the ones that stayed with me, inspite of myself, are the ones who truly love me and appreciate me (mutually). Now, i'm really finding it difficult to form new friendships because with the advent of social media, it seems like people collect people for LIKES and Followers - it feels "transactional"

[@tatie7604]

Yes.

[@sitka49]

There are friends, and than there are friends that show up - I think friendship has always been transactional, as an example, If you tell someone that you'll be there, and you don't show up, ( depending on the excuse) in the least case scenario it might put a blemish on that relationship , and worse case scenario it might put the friendship in jeopardy.

[@laurielewis2745]

Loneliness is an epidemic in America. And it's a killer.

[@barbarafenton1775]

I have 3 really good friends none of whom are church goers. They are all better people than I can ever hope to be. They challenge me without even knowing it to come up higher and do better. I can be a real jerk and when I really mess up I say to them, "Well, this is me with Jesus. Imagine me without Him." ☺

[@AndyYoung789]

One needs to be extremely careful when it comes to using terms like "higher" and "better" with regard to the spiritual life. CS Lewis has a discussion on it in one of his books. (I can't remember which.) Anyhow, the object of Christianity is not to be nice or higher or better, though we need to make a solid effort to be. The beggar Lazarus in Our Lord's parable wasn't particularly nice, much less higher (whatever that means), yet he was saved. But natural virtue won't cut it, even if you're nicer than Santa Claus 365 days a year, without the theological virtues of faith, hope and charity coming from sanctifying grace. Your friends don't go to church. Well, God put the the first commandment first because it was the most important one in both the Mosaic Law and the New Covenant. To neglect EVEN ONE of the commandments was punishable by death. Physical death in Old Law and spiritual death under the New Covenant. After all, under divine law and human civil law, to break any one of the major statutes is to become a criminal. So unless your friends are invincibly ignorant (as described in CCC 846-848) they may need to come up higher and do better themselves.

[@barbarafenton1775]

@@AndyYoung789 Totally understood. I appreciate you for taking the time to comment.. I should clarify that they are not my only friends. I have Catholic friends with whom I share my spiritual journey. I have non-Catholic Christian friends with whom I share my spiritual journey. I guess my point was that we can have friends who are not church goers with whom we can share life and who can influence us for the good and not drag us down and away from our faith. They respect me and my faith as much as I respect them. Perhaps some seeds are planted. One can hope and pray!

[@AndyYoung789]

@@barbarafenton1775 Well 99, hopefully Agent 86 didn't have to go through the same thing.

[@alecfoster4413]

@@AndyYoung789 You are thinking of Barbara FELDON.

[@AndyYoung789]

@@alecfoster4413 Sorry about that Chief. I know, Get Smart was one of my favourite shows, but "Fenton" was close enough to "Feldon."

[@GRILLO4166]

Wow! That’s what I need to get into a group that desires to share one another’s lives together and meet often spiritually,and want to share one another’s spiritual needs, fellowship needs, open to one another’s hearts together every day .

[@stephen5804]

I have opened up to who i thought were friends at work. I found they were shallow. Plus I must have poor social skills. When I broke my back and lost my job i reached out to co-workers and got no responses. I SUCK AS A PERSON.

[@infowazz]

Work on it everyday. there are a lot of shallow fake people out there. Don't beat yourself up and forgive others. I've held grudges for years at people who were jerks to me. But that is THEIR problem, not mine. It's their problem that they can even think to act that way. I can't imagine heaven with a bunch of jerks like that. I am really good at reading people and i am empathetic. But i'm funny. That is a huge skill to have. So is patience and being a good listener. I doubt u suck as a person but you may need to improve your social skills. Tons of yt vids on that.@@stephen5804

[@cheryljones1986]

I happened to check a church the other day. The way they did it is say "we have groups". Then there was an online questionnaire a person could fill out. Part of it was "do you want to lead a group?" and if so, "around what topic"? I have seen churches solve this by having groups center around a common interest. The problem is initially finding people who are similar in thought and vision. Without some kind of a "sorting mechanism", like the abovementioned questionnaire, the average person does not have the time, interest or stamina, to try to find-likeminded people (at least I don't, but I'm probably not the only one). If iron sharpens iron, you need to first connect with some iron, not be stuck in miry clay. If you don't find the right people, they can end up being the "weight that so easily besets us". They may be extremely gifted people, but perhaps they have a different call in the body of Christ and "how can two walk together except they be agreed"? There are individual gifts and there is also the call within the body of Christ...some are the hand, the foot, the mouth, the heart, figuratively of course, but you really aren't going to flow completely perfectly unless the group or friend circle you are in involves a similar call. I notice that you solve that by having more than one group, and each group has a different focus.

[@kathryngeorges7440]

I’m so glad I’m attending my altar guild group this Saturday. I’m glad now. I think I’m beginning to get this. It’s a new group for me.

[@MissPopuri]

When I would go to small groups in the past, I would always feel like I have nothing to say. No one wants to know how boring I am and uninspired. Everyone else has interesting stories, and I have nothing. I’m nobody compared to the most popular person at a party who talks a mile a minute. I wouldn’t say I’m introverted because I love listening to people talk more than anything. My ears are so sensitive I have to turn off my brain when I go near a Confessional because I do hear people talk in there.

[@laurae.4285]

MissPopuri, you sound like you would be an amazing friend! And I'm sure you have much more to offer than you think. There are so many who just want someone to listen to them, & you sound like you're a good listener. But I also believe when you do speak, you have something to say worth hearing. Don't sell yourself short. 🤗

[@MissPopuri]

@@laurae.4285 thanks for the encouragement ☺️

[@careybowden4864]

I feel like a pretty boring person myself, lol I hate talking about myself! So instead, I'll ask people about themselves, or I'll mention something I'd been reading about or listening to lately (this video is a great example!) and then see if that starts a conversation. I'm happy to listen to people talk about themselves, but ultimately, I crave conversations about God, truth, virtue, etc. 😊

[@pattiissa9035]

You sort of described me. At my latter years in life, I prefer to be alone over being with others. I am guessing that I really never learned how to be a friend by being tolerable toward others. I am annoyed by others “annoyances”. I am assuming that I also annoy them, between these two issues, I would rather avoid what it takes to be friends, since I feel that it takes openness to resolve this…..and people don’t either like to go there, or don’t know how to without causing hurtful results.

[@sitka49]

@@careybowden4864 So since you feel as you say boring and would rather ask people questions, do you do it to take the focus off you? And really not that interested in what they have to say?( Because a good test would be) for what they told you, you couldn't remember 10 or 15 min later? If so, It was probably wasn't that interesting of a conversation. Because for the most part people I talk to , I pretty much zone-out, and couldn't remember what they said 5 min after talking with them - Don't feel bad most people are pretty boring.

[@monizoe3188]

I am literally getting nauseous and anxious thinking about having to "make friends". But I REALLY need this (ordering the book while listening).... Love what you said about welcoming people into the church....LOVE IT, I'm in! God bless you Mr. Stefanick "Also I heard the voice of the Lord, saying, Whom shall I send, and who will go for us? Then said I, Here am I; send me." Isaiah6:8

[@nicoleyoshihara4011]

I need this. There's a lack of young adult groups 😥

[@the_light_writer]

When there's a lack of something, pray to see if it's on your heart for you to be the one to start it!

[@nicoleyoshihara4011]

@@the_light_writer Thank you for your advice! I actually have been discerning this. Even though I'm shy and introverted I want to try it and be more involved in ministry

[@catholicfemininity2126]

Ask yoru church to start one and be the leader.

[@nicoleyoshihara4011]

@@catholicfemininity2126 Thank you for the advice!

[@jclar7210]

Thanks Chris for your positive messages. I've listened to a few of your programs

[@user-pq8ou2un6q]

Im good Chris Stefanick Thank you God bless 🙏

[@kathryngeorges7440]

I agree we are all really annoying. Good to keep healthy spaces between some people, at times.

[@joanneshea749]

It’s not good for man to be alone. Gods word. God bless you! Thank god I found you! Gods own😊❤️🙏👏

[@Kindness.20247]

will have to buy your book, you're a very joyful person.

[@mrsandmom5947]

I don’t have friends and don’t really want to be bothered. It’s not to say I don’t care because I do, but I’ve been hurt too much and by church people too. So I just don’t try anymore

[@NaruIchiLuffy]

Don't let past experiences and wounds keep you from the possibility of good friendships. Wounds and healing sermons by Fr. Ripperger. "It is not good for man to be alone". Perhaps you can identify ways to vet a potential friend a little better before letting them in deep enough to cause great hurt. Virtue, goodwill, and charity (the fruits of the Holy Spirit) are some good rules of thumb for judging criteria. You cannot fake those forever. But also we should also have the strength to put up with some suffering from the defects of others. It's not like we, ourselves, are completely defect-free. Learning to set boundaries between what's acceptable and what isn't can also helpful. The evil one wants us completely isolated. Don't let him win. Anyways, God bless.

[@tatie7604]

I understand. But we need people.

[@careybowden4864]

One nun put it this way: we are like rocks in a tumbler. Other people help carve off our rough edges, help us grow in virtue. It's hard. But even the Desert Fathers struggles when they were alone. There's a monastery where the members must live in community for at least 15 years before applying to live as hermits. 😊

[@sherryelysiak4798]

What great information! Thank you.

[@VO_JayRedding]

As Christians are we ever really alone? Expecally as Catholics. That's why I don't get lonely.

[@R75423]

I have lost my best friend this year because of my stupidity and of his girlfriend. We were flerting a little bit but with no any physical contact. We will never be close again but we will always be two persons who understand each other the best. He pardoned her but not me.

[@bettyangwenyi1797]

Daaaaaannnnngggggg! Thanks, Chris. You're darn annoying and preppy but you make sense, no lie.

[@44esta44]

can you offer some more questions to ask? my friends have all moved across the country, etc.it's a dilemma...lots of isolation

[@catholicfemininity2126]

I just had an idea.... what if you wanted to make friends but you were anxious or shy or just insecure and bitter.... be a church USHER.... especially men... but women too.... ask if you can go to every mass and just stand there saying hello to everyone in a sweet genuine or masculine (if you're a guy) voice.... this is the fastest way to meet someone if you're too afraid to go up to people.

[@catholicfemininity2126]

Ideas: 1. Compliment someone walking by. 2. Dress your best. Classy, modest, elegant, sharp. 3. Be creative: Say "have a blessed day", "God bless you".... instead of just "hello" or "good morning".

[@catholicfemininity2126]

All my new Catholic friends are great, but some live too far away to just 'hang out' and some don't even respond to my messages when I ask how they're doing... it boils down to just a few people I can really trust to get back to me. We're supposed to be Catholic, at least reply and then be done with it or say you're busy and can't talk.

[@neenutomi316]

Fr Brett Brannen A virtuous life should spring naturally from a life of prayer and intimacy with Jesus. A man should be conscious of his sins and bothered by them. He should be trying very hard to live out the supernatural virtues infused at his Baptism: faith, hope, and charity; and to develop the intellectual virtues of prudence, justice, temperance, and fortitude. Human formation includes instilling the virtues of prudence, justice, temperance, and fortitude. It includes developing humility, constancy, sincerity, patience, good manners and hygiene, and truthfulness. A man who has received good human formation can relate to others, even perfect strangers. He is a man of affective maturity, who works well with others, is free of prejudice, and who is a good steward of material possessions. All fears can be overcome by increasing one’s faith, hope, and love. In fact, it is not overly simplistic to state that every problem known to man can be fixed by these three theological virtues From the book "To Save a Thousand Souls"

[@wreloise1]

Affiliated for over 20 years…Left a ministry that met in the homes for spiritual fellowship ( I was able to observe the birth and growth of their families ) Four months ago, I left that ministry and became converted to Catholicism…Yes , there is a difference. Once a month is a start…thank you ❤️‍🩹

[@lindag1372]

"Drawing your energy from" This is an interesting phrase. Do not codependents draw energy from others? I'm confused. I have very few close friends...but have learned God is within...when I get lonely I fuse with Him. It helps so much...prayer is a constant conversation.

[@sz4963]

What do you do with friends who have backed off the faith? I don’t see one of them very much any more.

[@Molly-sv9yn]

I find that Catholics go to Mass and go home and there really isn’t much fellowship whatsoever in my own experience. 😔

[@neenutomi316]

From the book " imitation of Christ " 2 section, chapter 2 , 8. If you are fond of interfering, to that extent you will always be faced with difficulties and distractions; if you were all right in yourself, if you’d really been through the process of purification, you’d be able to turn anything to good account, and profit by it. Why is it that such a lot of things get on your nerves, and are always disturbing your peace of mind? Because you’ve never really died to self, never really weaned yourself away from earthly things. The unchastened love of creatures-that’s what disfigures and entangles a man’s conscience as nothing else does. If you refuse all outward consolation, heaven will come into your view, and fill you, again and again, with spiritual rejoicing.

[@VO_JayRedding]

Make friends? Do I have to? Lol I would have loved to have been a monk. Ora et ladora!

[@woundtorecoverbar-abusermi2209]

To pin pointed that my employment future. I know an " individual " that does not mind breaking rules, yelling and is totally arrogant. But, when it goes around me it is not for honesty and is hanging around me for deleting what I need gone . Everyone has a purpose which is unique and if I had a business it would definitely be multifunctional.

[@infowazz]

i'm 50 and single. anybody know where a time machine is? it's going to be weird going to join a church. much much easier if i was married. but to stay single and lonely is not an option. my sister met her husband at church. happens all the time right? that would be amazing.

[@AndyYoung789]

Thomas Aquinas stated that friendship was one of the most important things a person could have. As per the Summa, Part II-II, Question 74 Article 2: I ANSWER THAT: As stated above (II-II:73:3; I-II:73:8), sins against one's neighbour are the more grievous, according as they inflict a greater injury on him: and an injury is so much the greater, according to the greatness of the good which it takes away. NOW OF ALL ONE'S EXTERNAL GOODS A FRIEND TAKES THE FIRST PLACE, since "no man can live without friends," as the Philosopher [Aristotle] declares (Ethic. viii, 1). Hence it is written (Sirach 6:15): "Nothing can be compared to a faithful friend." Again, a man's good name whereof backbiting deprives him, is most necessary to him that he may be fitted for friendship. Therefore tale-bearing is a greater sin than backbiting or even reviling, because a friend is better than honour, and to be loved is better than to be honoured, according to the Philosopher (Ethic. viii).

[@dondzon7891]

Thanks for this.

[@australopithecusafarensis5386]

I’m lonely and I have no friends. I have my wife thank God. But I’m struggling with drinking too much a lot

[@neenutomi316]

Fr Brett Brannen Our Primary Vocation is Holiness Happiness is doing the will of God. Interestingly, that could also be the definition of holiness. The primary and universal vocation of every person in the world is to be holy-to become like Jesus Christ. Christ-likeness is the only success recognized by God. # CCC #825 Discerning and accepting one’s vocation is like building a pyramid. It must be constructed from the bottom up. A man will not be able to know and accept his secondary or particular vocation-marriage or priesthood, for example-until he has been seriously striving towards his primary vocation of holiness. Some have tried to do it in reverse, and almost always have failed.

[@VO_JayRedding]

I'm sure I can be really annoying. My friends are probably tired of hearing about the early Church lol

[@kevjones1]

Only extroverts advocate friendships, it's their energy, their need to be affirmed and to affirm. Introverts like myself trive on family and intimacy with God. One is not better than the other. Rather examples of Gods diverse creativity. I notice though it's only ever the extrovert that does the poking and cajoling. Sad really.

[@smathet7766]

If you're alone, you'll never be disappointed.

[@MattKyleBullerthemattkylefiles]

😂Matt Fradd

[@hei7586]

In the Battlefield, iron makes iron dull not sharper. Be careful with your images...

[@BillRemski]

Ye gods no, an eternal wedding celebration sounds like hell to me. Please, have some optimism for the afterlife.

[@stephen5804]

Why won't God answers prayers. God made me weak. God needs to fix me. I know you don't have answers. I need to vent because God will not answer me. I wish I could be home.

[@briannall6232]

Can't afford a book.

[@CJMEP]

Chris Stefanick was great in The Search. But now, it’s all about him and it’s disappointing. The interviews with Fr Ripperger did it for me - you didn’t let him talk! I’m sorry, but now I feel like Im watching a second rate 700 Club

[@stephen5804]

I JUST WANT TO DIE NOW. MY SOCIAL SKULLS ARE LOUSY. GOODBYE

[@kathleenfrancis1872]

We can't afford it

[@rgc3529]

My wife and I were heavily criticized and bullied by our friends because we are right wing Catholics and not woke leftists. I got rid of our friends. We have been happy ever since.

[@wreloise1]

Working 12-hours night shifts (Sometimes 16 hours) in healthcare..the right friends to grow spiritual is vital….Through Mother Mary…ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE ❤️‍🩹🙏🏾

[@michelleciezki9429]

Me too. Caregiving to people who are soooo lonely. We gotta be strong for these people . This work is not easy.... But you are there for them. For a reason