How to Manifest Samurai Love!! | Set Boundaries so MOFOs don't step up on you!!

A lovely Patron emailed me with a problem. His ex is mentally unstable and his brother is a drug addict. Both of them are trying to take advantage of him. How can he set boundaries??
I learned how to set boundaries at the monastery. In this video I tell the story about how a, ahem, somewhat off-kilter nun once threatened me with a knife. I had to create a boundary with her, and also with my teacher, and my teacher was also really good at creating boundaries with me. Once, when I was whining about monastic life, he cut me off, sent his attendant to get some whiskey, and made me drink a shot in silence. The point being: You are choosing to be here, rube! Don't blame it on me or expect me to make it right! Take responsibility for yourself!
It was an important lesson.
My Patron feels guilt because he wants to help his ex and his brother, but in my experience we are all only ever driving side-by-side through this road trip of life. One person can't take another person's wheel. You're responsible for yourself, and when others don't realize this and start taking advantage of you...? That's when you have to manifest some Samurai love and set a boundary! If you don't? You become a victim. Period.
Don't forget! You're a person too! And you are responsible for that person. What I mean is, if you let someone take advantage of you, you've failed in your responsibility to another human being, and this failure of character has wider consequences.
Bonus: This video features probably the greatest sound effect of all time. A wah-wah-wah on a trumpet. I can't wait till you hear it!
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[@EricJohnson-c4z]

Absolutely, you need to set boundaries every now and then. Being a good friend is a two-way street. Some folks are just going to wipe their asses with you over and over again until you say enough. As much as possible, where appropriate, go talk to a "higher up" to help resolve the issue, but sometimes you're gonna have to put your own carcass on the line.

[@Awperan]

what's good about boundaries is that it gives to the person we sat it towards a clear space in life to belong to instead of this jumping around from one personal limit to the other

[@zenconfidential25]

Well put, thank you!

[@marcosantagata5847]

I think there is this tendency in Buddhist and Taoist practice to want to be kind all the time and never say no to people and as a result, you will inevitably get taken advantage of. This video clarified some questions I've had about Zen and compassion, and the many forms compassion can take. Self-sacrifice may not always be the best way to help someone in need, surrendering to their needs, whatever they may be. Sometimes "NO" is the appropriate response that will help both them and you. Great video Jack! Thank you as always for these teachings.

[@zenconfidential25]

NO is what we used to say in the Zendo when someone was out of the form, and it's a good lesson! :)

[@ninasnow9055]

Wonderful video!!! This is something I am constantly working on as a follow conflict challenged person. Family and sangha are huge boundary lesson machines! This is really important and I thank you so so much. My new favorite video 🙏🏽

[@zenconfidential25]

Thank you Nina-san!!

[@rosiebalyuzi2177]

You're hilarious. Just stopped at 1:18 to tell you. Started reading Zen Confidential yesterday. Hopping on here to put a face to all the sentences. It's good btw. Funny fresh real. Anyhow I'll carry on the video and the book!

[@zenconfidential25]

Oh no don't put a face to the sentences...it'll RUIN the sentences!

[@ThichTamPhoMinh]

This video is dense...with wisdom. But in a fun and entertaining way, as per your usual. Thanks!

[@zenconfidential25]

Thank you my friend!

[@macdougdoug]

Experience is experience, describing the contents is besides the point - if my experience is experienced as an insoluble problem it is a koan. Perfect for practise. Me helping him/her, me avoiding him/her, may be my present confused thoughts, but these thoughts must not be a barrier for insight into the experience as a whole. We sit with koans, but hold to no solutions. Meanwhile keep dodging the knives.

[@zenconfidential25]

Dodge them knives!!! :()

[@HardcoreZen]

Great video! Thank you!

[@zenconfidential25]

Thanks Brad, I appreciate that.

[@jonwesick2844]

It's called Idiot Compassion.

[@zenconfidential25]

could be!

[@kashnomo]

You and Mr. Warner have a way of accidentally speaking to my circumstances. Thank you, as always.

[@zenconfidential25]

thank you my friend!

[@guido3771]

Warner hasn't checked his notions of "truth" and the "absolute" enough. He is caught by Dogen, no, entangled in the Shobogenzo. Its hopeless.

[@renatekaufmann79]

Super Video thanks❤

[@zenconfidential25]

Welcome 😊

[@fhoniemcphonsen8987]

All I could think of with your kitchen story was Disturbed's "Get Down with the Sickness"

[@zenconfidential25]

YouTubing that one now, thanks my friend.