How to NOT Attach & Detach From The Narcissist / Borderline

[@joywallingford3942]

I’m so thankful I stumbled on your page. I’m seeing 2 different therapists trying to heal a very intense trauma bond to a physically abusive covert narc. I was able to get out, but he’s almost sucked me back in a few times, and then luckily I found your channel. Listening to your videos its like a lightbulb went off and Im done with him. Some of the best advice I’ve ever heard from this video. If I even attempt to date, maybe I’ll save myself a world of trouble listening you.

[@alijohnson1365]

Me too. Decades of experience the same person who has been doing this too me 😢 Australia is a small place at the end of the day 😢

[@daviddemars]

Welcome to the channel! Thank you and please ask questions on the weekly Q&As if you ever have any.

[@TCFDS]

The truth is harsh sometimes and it hurts. Thanks again David

[@danielwright6277]

I'm aware David lol. I'm temperamentally agreeable. My boundaries need work. That's true.

[@danielwright6277]

You got pretty animated there😂, thanks for being real David

[@daviddemars]

​@@danielwright6277 Thank you so much Daniel!

[@nigelcornes9960]

Lazer like accuracy David. So on point. Real, honest and to the point 👍👍👍 Nigel, cheshire, England, UK.

[@daviddemars]

Thank you Nigel!

[@JKDVIPER]

13:52 I really like this approach. 🤙🏻💯”He’s not only giving us the smart scientific approach and explanation, but he fleshes it out in real time by explaining what not to do. Stop doing these bad habits.” 🧠☺️💯15:08 example is, 1. He says don’t talk about the past and guess on the future. Yucky stomach? Nerves? 🤢👍why? Why try to manage what people think of you by relating every story that ever hurt.” 15:15 it’s like creating a tug of war in a way. It’s inviting confusion. 17:21 I’ve caught myself doing that before. Over n over with the same stories. Makes me feel sick.”

[@daviddemars]

@JKDVIPER Thank you, it's nice to see someone can see how this can work.

[@CalmBeforeTheStorm76]

I learned so much from this video... mostly I learned how I took cues from the person I was in a relationship with, and we were off to the races. I had no boundaries. She had no boundaries. I feel like I'm finally starting to get myself back, piece by piece. Holy shit was that a destructive period of time. I see how I didn't just participate in it. I was actively engaged in it. But, I'm not judging myself. I'm just learning that, yes, these things are in me, and I must learn how to manage them, so I do not hurt others, participate in hurting myself, and set myself up for really unhealthy and damaging experiences.

[@nadyssb]

Thanks for bringing this issue to my awareness. I know that I have brought up my past trauma a lot and too fast with people. I also know that it's common in my family to do so. To me this has been a normal behavior, I thought that was what it meant to get to know someone and connect on a deeper level, I guess...

[@johngilmore697]

Take a peek, gentleman. There's a meteoroid bigger than King Kong's first dump of the day, and it's steaming straight towards us.

[@duderanch18237]

Lmao wtf

[@johngilmore697]

@@duderanch18237 Perhaps you'd like to explain to me why it is that every major battle in history has been won by the side with the shortest haircut.

[@duderanch18237]

@@johngilmore697 I loved your quote lol.

[@emilemerten6535]

Hi David I tend to disosiate more and feel unsure about my future.

[@daviddemars]

I'm sorry Emile.

[@LoveMojicaz]

I found you David!!! I love you!!!!!!!!!

[@daviddemars]

Hey you, where have you been?

[@LoveMojicaz]

@@daviddemars living my best life thanks to you! BEST COACH EVER!

[@IleneDawson]

You’re great David!! Thank you! Love this video 😊

[@daviddemars]

Thank you Ilene!

[@kaystephens2672]

I was adopted with a mentally ill abusive child. As an infant. Hes a diagnosed borderline and schizophrenic. Parents got us attatched to each other as children. I manage this trainwreck now. Boy. The state failed me as well as my dillusional parents who would not grieve their loss of him at 2. He is still doing all these things you said in a previous video. I manage his affairs and he ruined my family. Parents dead and dad died at 39 from heart attack. Excuses from his mother for that and mothersfinancial gain. My goal is to let him go because I dont want him in my life anymore. Toxic toxic toxic. I believe the only solution now in our 60s is to get detatched 100 percent from this dependency. No pity. No feelings for in this but even at my age I was vonditioned to feel good for putting others first. All the time. I need major boundaries. Screw my parents and you are in it man you really get how these people damage people like me. Honesty is necessary with a person who is mentally sick. All my sick brother does is talk aboutthe past, the past blah blah blah.

[@daviddemars]

@kaystephens2672 Thank you and I'm sorry for thr burden you have had.

[@kaystephens2672]

@@daviddemars thank you for that and I just do my best. But there’s something you said that really helps me to see who he is, what he is, and how he manipulated my parents and me to get away with his bad behavior. He is a classic borderline and this is it. He wants me to believe that I’m a bad person and he pulled it off when I was 5 and he told a half truth. They work fast and they’re slick at their lying. Good at confusing and I am paying very close attention to this now that I know his game. Thank you and so far, you’re the best, no nonsense and I am in trauma therapy for this. Also, there’s a video out with a guy with schizophrenia from Norway who changed his way of life with the help of his parents. I know I didn’t grow up unscathed by this, but I’m fighting to see how he really uses people. And he’ll probably outlive me, but in the meantime, my own education is paramount to my mental health. He can’t ever change and I just have to accept that. Not everyone needs to be trying to be a hero in this world. It takes a very well educated parent to raise a child like this if they raise a victim with them. Not to dump, but to warn people that personality disorders are very real and always need to be considered when you have anxiety. It may not belong to you. It may just be the consequences of some bad decisions on the part of your parents. Thanks for the work you do. Your mental health is key to a good life for sure.

[@gaillowrie9779]

Im howling

[@milenIV]

Thanks David!

[@daviddemars]

Good to see you!

[@motowngirl5891]

Great information

[@daviddemars]

Thank you!

[@jesusitrustinyou6900]

You're awesome!! TY

[@daviddemars]

Thank you very much!

[@rorywright5692]

Hi, David! I’m 74 so a date every two weeks would be a great speed for me! Saturday night is good for me!! lol! 😎❤️

[@elleonard9568]

Hello! Rory. lol! ❤

[@daviddemars]

Haha Hi Rory! I hear you too, I'm not a kid anymore either.

[@Moist._Robot]

Ha ha. You should be on TV.

[@gaillowrie9779]

Ur brilliant ❤

[@daviddemars]

@@gaillowrie9779 Thank you!

[@CalmBeforeTheStorm76]

She insisted on texting our problems out.... I hated it so much. All of our problems came from shit communication. It just drove me crazy...

[@CashFlowKreators]

funny but true. I always thought it was like that with other female coworkers. Like why do yall want to know my personal life. I dont know yall i just work with yall

[@darthvader78441]

Yep - the BPD ex told me he was sexually assaulted within the first 2 hours. I should have run a mile.

[@melodysanquist4834]

Lmao! Well said

[@emmaleaone]

I’m not proud of having a soft heart.. it has never served me in good.. I am over the top caring .. but the first time I tried to help the past guy in a moment of pain he was dealing with he nearly but my head off and I was so shocked by his aggression that I had to just walk away.. I did keep my boundaries and I did call him out on everything.. he already hated me it shows by his immature behavior and his lies so why stay quiet.. I told him he was a horrible boyfriend and eventually me telling him the truths about himself is what made him decide to leave I told him so many times he should just GTFO becuse he’s no good for me.. I am glad I am free from the face to face misery but I am not glad for the extra trauma he puked on me.. I know what I did or my part in the relationship I know and I will not repeat it again.. leeches .. blood sucking idiots!

[@johngilmore697]

1:53 absolutely not, no

[@daviddemars]

If you are human then yes.

[@johngilmore697]

@@daviddemars No, simply putting me in the same space as someone for prolonged period will not make me care about them

[@daviddemars]

​@@johngilmore697Coming from the person who says they care about their family... right?

[@johngilmore697]

@@daviddemars Did I say I care about my family?