How To Overcome Memories That Haunt You

[@hope_mj]

I'm so happy to be alive at the same time as Dr. Peterson.

[@robertshipley6990]

I know he said about two or three things that open my eyes that were game-changing

[@AntoanetaStancu]

He's a really awesome person

[@Scott-got-caught]

Don't idolize

[@abeautifulrecoverygodislov4316]

No fr!!!😁🙌🏽

[@saafwan4973]

Same man. This man helps so many people, much respect to Dr. Peterson

[@annadoncaster2427]

"Fear is there, and you learn security" I think my whole mindset just changed from that one sentence.

[@jackflynn412]

Most of his words tend to change my attitude for the better. He's very wise.

[@kevinkelly2162]

@@jackflynn412 In the kindom of the blind the one eyed man is king.

[@love6112]

Same here.

[@rickyalan1227]

​@@love6112only one kingdom, only one king

[@rickyalan1227]

Many advisors though...

[@redtobertshateshandles]

I was a truck driver so I had plenty of time to worry about the time I was mean to Fred or when Bob stole my apple. I heard a psychologist on the radio say " If you are worrying just concentrate on what you are doing." I concentrated on just driving the truck, enjoying the sunshine and the worry just disappeared. 35 years later this technique still works. If you have serious worries then you need to find someone to talk to. I always talked to my mum but she had dementia. I just found a female psychologist, who was fantastic. Like my mother in many ways. Told me some stuff I didn't like. Grounded me.

[@turninmonyin2noise978]

“ Worry is payment on a debt, before it’s due”,

[@kerryfoster1]

I drove over 500,000 miles in my vans. Total control all of the time, my own schedules and routes. I retired at 68. Still miss those days and nights on the road. Wonderful job!

[@schizophrenicenthusiast]

That's pretty much what meditation is. Duration a meditation session, you try to step down from an overthinking mind and revert to a low-effort state of mind where you only receive and experience what your five senses bring in. A 10-minute daily practice is helpful in building the habit, as it's not always possible to consciously remind yourself to be mindful amidst a busy and stressful day.

[@redtobertshateshandles]

@@schizophrenicenthusiast my dad and I get together every Sunday. His family were all religious, and I go to humour him. I basically sit there and try hard not to think of worldly things. Meditation does work really well it seems. I feel spiritually 100% improved. Great suggestion. 👍

[@netgen1092]

The Power of Now by Eckhrat Tolle.

[@padarousou]

It is important to articulate our difficult experiences, otherwise they will haunt us our entire lives

[@buttbuttwhat1]

What do you do with the fact that “everyone” goes through “that”. Or the fact that others have it worse? I was taught that only completely novel and unique pain was valid, and I still believe it. I’ve been carrying 28 years of hurt because none of it is unique to me. If it is unique, it isn’t as bad an other unique pain, so it still isn’t valid. I’m rotting from the inside.

[@lewis_r_]

“You don’t learn fear, fear is there and you learn security” woah

[@paulinegauthier1867]

"Why won't IT let you go?" Great question. These memories like to haunt us at the worse (or best) of times too. It never fails.

[@alive4627]

In retirement I had been haunted by a traumatic event that took place 23 years prior. I put pen to paper at that time, to help me piece together the missing puzzle pieces of what had happened. In the years that followed I was distracted from the trauma by a demanding career, raising children, study, litigation etc. These masked my hurt. Then, in retirement, I needed to put pen to paper again. This time in more detail, and somewhat more analytical. Yes, it drew out a visceral reaction. So much so that I had to go back to a clinical psychologist. Finally, I think I can now finally let it go. Writing helped.

[@mariahmunnis6315]

How many times have I said this is the best commentary?!! It continues to amaze me that such a brilliant mind is able to communicate brilliant analysis so easily to the average person person? Extraordinary.

[@MaryPalen-o6s]

Raised in abusive home, by the time I was 10 yrs. old, I realized that telling other adults was pointless. They felt sorry for me, but did nothing. I began to write. I am now 63 years old and folks say I should write a book. Lol, I wrote many, just never wanted to pay to have them published.

[@lilli5352]

Haha yes u right ppl just can feel sorry.. sometimes i feel it's useless to tell someone about ur pain ..

[@lilli5352]

And i would like to read ur books uk

[@flowergirl72345]

My mom was very harsh, not abusive but never warm and loving. A gen z-er would blame her lack of warmth for all their fiture problems, thereby never being challenged to grow up and have compassion. I learned her story of being virtually orphaned in the 1930s at 6 years old and raising herself, thus becoming hard and tough was a survival skill. Ended up admiring her tenacity while cultivating compassion and empathy. It all has to do with not seeing yourself as the victim. Reframe your narrative.

[@Andreas-sz9fq]

Yes, the entire gen z generation is like that.

[@cutie_kitty_pie]

Yes, we need more people to think like this.

[@buttbuttwhat1]

Tell me how a child being molested is not a victim please. Tell me how to think.

[@juliaagnes7]

I have kept a journal since I was 16 and found many times, once I write about something or someone (sometimes it takes a few times), I usually feel better over time. Once in a while it happens faster than that, but I agree, over time, I am able to adjust somehow inside. Thanks Dr. Peterson.

[@kerryfoster1]

I remember taking my daughter to school on her first day. Some kids had never been elswhere and were crying to leave their parents. Mine gave a smile, wave and was gone. Over protectiveness can DAMAGE children. They need to learn independence even at 5 years old.

[@marasmith8472]

It’s a joke between my husband and me, that both daughters had crying babies and toddlers when mom was leaving. My girls didn’t cry when I left because I had no need for tears.

[@perrycoffey5410]

​@@marasmith8472marriage is a death sentence for so called men nowadays

[@zenostrixster]

​@@perrycoffey5410not really in some countries it's a step in life. Why is marriage bad? The law? The women? Either way its not marriage that's bad it's the meaning that is assigned to it. In South Asian Countries marriage actually depicts a strong everlasting relationship whereas in the west idk about the west but this fear of marriage just exist. Where in South Asian countries this fear just doesnt

[@aartivedi6889]

Emotional neglect is worse!! U actually don't exist more than a personal object ! Like your chair sofa cooking utensils ..they don't exist in any other way nd others because you have been pushed into another stranger xum narc like the previous one s.nd then yu come come a object who the previous one cudnt take care of the way it should have been ..because of the overload

[@destined4purgatory643]

​@@meyer7262😆😆 thank you my thoughts exactly

[@demiserofd]

Just writing out your bad memories really can help. The simple act of writing them out, of analyzing them afterwards, can help you a lot in moving forward in the now, or at least highlighting and isolating the issues you're still struggling with.

[@kevinkelly2162]

Alcohol works too.

[@rokasdobrovolskis]

@@kevinkelly2162 No it doesn't.

[@destined4purgatory643]

Alcohol is what cough medicine is during a cold; sure it doesn't absolve the cold but it's nice to stop fucking coughing for awhile isn't it. Nice to stop remembering bad shit for awhile too.

[@cutie_kitty_pie]

After you’ve written it out, write next how you would like to reframe that memory. Reframe it in a way that won’t cripple your life anymore. If you can reframe it to something more positive, that’s better.

[@randycliff4045]

"Fear is there ... and you learn security". I'm going to need to work through that thought. As an adult, I've believed that fear is taught -- those plants will hurt you; never surprise a horse from the rear; stay on the sidewalk; don't tease the cat, etc, etc. However all those teachings only work because you're secure the advise is from someone actually interested in your well being. Thank you Dr. Peterson for helping neophytes better understand themselves and the people around us.

[@CaptZenPetabyte]

At 48yrs old and a second career Psychology student with 10yrs in the industry, I would leave everything here in Australia and do whatever is required to study with this man.

[@Shermoose]

The man puts nearly 100 percent of his thoughts online. Study him in the ways available to you.

[@dididisun]

Don't idealise him to the point where your entire life depends on it. Jesus Christ is the Lord & Savior, not a human however good they appear to be

[@martinbrousseau2560]

What if we can significantly improve mental health care by implementing small changes.

[@martinbrousseau2560]

Countless have prayed n begged for Doctors to stop killing millions of birthing mothers and when Dr.Ignace Semmelweis discovered the solution the majority dismissed him. It wouldn’t be until about 40 years after his passing did Dr’s adopt washing their hands between patients thereby saving countless lives. This became known as the Semmelweis reflex, the reflex to refuse new information or evidence. Semmelweis has potentially saved billions or will have saved hundreds of billions of lives.

[@martinbrousseau2560]

What if a large part of the solution is not in what they teach or practice but found in medical aid?

[@LR-yu3mx]

It does disturb one sometimes, to remember a teacher or parent that bullied us. Will try the writing.

[@JecklesTV]

Bless this man and his family

[@Human_01]

Jordan Peterson is good.❤✨

[@clementnkanga3203]

I've learned so many insightful truths from this man, I will never see the world from the wrong lens ever again Thank you J. Peterson

[@RobertStCyr-zh1tw]

“Fear is there. You learn security.” This should’ve been so obvious. How did this escape me? Escape us? I think you solved some issues for me in this 10 min.

[@hannekezijlmans6578]

It's weird how memories can change. Not trauma, but a memory that changed in a profound way: I was bullied as a child and as a teenager. As a result, for a very long time, I thought everyone had negative feelings about me. I felt incredibly alone, especially through my teenage years. I had very specific memories of that feeling of loneliness. Then one day, someone told me about the boy next door, who I had secretly adored all through my teenage years... He had been in love with me all this time. Apparently his parents and brothers would tease him with it and we were both too shy to really ever talk to eachother. Now, when I was a teenager, I know was sad... But I can't seem to touch that sadness anymore in my memories. It's as if it has been somewhat erased, because I know it was based on a false belief. Our memories really aren't set in stone. Since I found that out, I have put this knowledge to work on some real trauma... And it works, for me at least.

[@thatverydarklad]

Your story brought me to tears, thanks for sharing

[@arhoosier1058]

emotions play a huge role on memories. what memories you used to have can change drastically based on recent or past events, example if everything has been well and something terrible has happened associated with that memory, your brain reconstructs those memories to associate with bad times and fear, the reverse can happen with bad to good but it’s fascinating how emotions, trauma, and euphoric events can completely change how we view our on memories and perception of our own memories as you live on

[@awesomedavid2012]

That's one thing sleep does. As you sleep, the strong emotions from the previous day (or days) are lessened. It's hypothesized that one of the reasons for PTSD is that this process doesn't happen leading to the emotions in the memories being as strong as when they occurred. That's one mechanism by which your old memories may "dull". Though of course, simply processing it logically and consciously helps a lot too. If you're interested in that sleep stuff, check out podcasts by Dr Matthew Walker and his book "why we sleep".

[@hannekezijlmans6578]

@@jim-fv2nz Thank you, that's a big compliment, even more so because English isn't my native language. (As you can see, someone corrected my spelling error. 😬😇)

[@hannekezijlmans6578]

@@jim-fv2nz ❤️

[@MZRTMusic254]

I'm still haunted by betrayal from a partner 2 years ago and I just came from church today. I was trying to meditate on it and pray about it and coming home this episode just shows up at the top of my feed when I opened KZbin. I will give it my best💯

[@SuperBenette]

The best time I had in life, was when I reallized my husband had another women on the sideline, suddenly I had time to do things I always wanted to do, it was the best time of my life, my partner came back when his dementia became devastating and he had to be cared for, my hell came back and now I wish this women would come and help me, they would never come, they never cared in anycase.

[@aelixa]

As a Christian, you have the Holy Spirit in you. When you write on your journal and you reflect, you will be reminded of certain Bible verses you read or heard from your pastor. Write those down too. That’s the Holy Spirit in you, guiding you and bringing things to your remembrance. You can even write on your journal like a prayer, a conversation between you and your Heavenly Father. Tell Him the things that are bothering you, ask him for wisdom and help when you feel stuck. David journaled this way too, when he wrote his Psalms. This method of journaling has been very healing for me.

[@LionofJudah888]

I've kept a journal since I'm 19 years old. I'm 52 now I have well over 500 Journal books. It's very therapeutic.

[@marigoldcarter2879]

I grew up in an abusive household. Thank you doctor for this opportunity…

[@Cinderella227]

1 Corinthians 10:13 God doesn’t give us more than we can handle. He is our refuge and our strength. He will wipe away our tears. Memories are for learning, improving ourselves through growth and experiences. Not all memories are bad. Majority are filled with beautiful nostalgia. We all have experienced awful situations learning to forgive and move forward is the answer. Thank you Jordan. ✝️❤️

[@shanghaimoon]

For most of my life, I struggled with dwelling on the past to learn from the past to keep from repeating it. A very wise friend gave me a litmus test based on my emotional reaction. That until I could think on the issue without an emotive response, I was at risk of dwelling and not learning. At a very difficult time in my life, this was my key to getting out the weeds in my head. It served me well, and writing it out was a critical part of the process.

[@cutie_kitty_pie]

This is interesting and useful to a lot of people. Can you tell more about the process for this?

[@shanghaimoon]

@@cutie_kitty_pie recognize the emotive reaction, write down what is going on in your head each day that it happens. As it continues, look through your journal and recognize circular thinking. Start putting those thoughts aside, as you’ve already covered them. All this while continuing with your life and responsibilities. Eventually, you will gain insights to add to the journal and be able to view the experience with minimal emotional distraction and can truly learn from it.

[@bigousbabashop]

Sir, I've learnt more in these 10 minutes than I have in the last 6 years. You are a blessing.

[@Braddock1976]

You can be PTSD at 5. Plus if you have ADHD too. You will have a hell of a time growing up as a gen z when that was not in the light at that time. Living the past if bad is brutal. Then you map it out if you're lucky. This guy is a wealth of information. Good guy.

[@cyano741]

Adhd is being over diagnosed to the max. An inability to focus, sit still, have executive function issues etc, does not mean you have adhd. Jordan Peterson talks about this a lot. You should look it up.

[@FSPtransmissions]

I don’t know if I would be alive today if it weren’t for this man’s knowledge and pure honesty. I hope to meet him one day to shake his hand. Onward and Upward.

[@maheraahmed4210]

Only in boys. And even if that is true you can't rule out adhd in everyone who was diagnosed or undiagnosed.@@cyano741

[@berryscott3590]

PTSD, ADHD... You're putting WAY TOO MUCH STOCK in letters written by duplicitous Big Pharma shills pushing dangerous drugs on CHILDREN... ...As for your clay-footed, controlled opposition hero? He sold his soul some time ago... Ask Peterson about privatized Central Banking, Debt-based FIAT currency, Israeli apartheid, or the Babylonian Talmudist-Communist-global despotism and depopulation eugenics connection...'The Man', and we use the term loosely, bravely RUNS AWAY...

[@mrzelo8788]

@@cyano741 Tell that to medical salesman back at 90s, they exploded our guts with amphetamines cause we all had "adhd"(obviously in shithole countries), I wish i could send someone away my 50k steps i do everyday to my hyperactivity, that i will never know if it was induce cause of the ritalin and prozac they gave us as tik taks, or is a genetic stuff. Smarter kids just get plain bored in classroom, some people just saw there was no reward in this generation. Boomers had rewards due to theyr social ladder climbing, or economically ladder climbing, nowadays it's just 0 rewards. Everyone is whoring, getting high and getting dopamine faster than ever! Let's go bois, let's wake the fuck up, all hail testosterone and slow dopamine release!

[@Shona_thecatalyst]

"you were truly badly unsupervised children" this really triggered freedom in my mind

[@paulinegauthier1867]

"Fears there and you learn security." Exactly.

[@Jerry.anthony.c]

0:05 - If old memories still upset you, WRITE THEM DOWN! 1:10 - People who write about Negative experiences 4:35 - PERSPECTIVE

[@Human_01]

Well done, 'you'.👏👍✨

[@cutie_kitty_pie]

Thank you.

[@gracejackson8147]

Thanks.

[@hectorignacio-nx1dm]

I cannot remember the worst. Maybe when I was one to three years old. I remember when I began to fight back and stand alone. I was five years old.

[@NorfolkSceptic]

I had twelve years, wondering why I hadn't settled in the village, it was twelve years! Then the turmoil, elsewhere, that I had known about, broke out and was resolved, sort of. And I wasn't connected with it directly, but had broken away from it, early on, so felt pleased I had made the right decision, then. And then I overheard what was the key the original problem: his mother wouldn't let go! This was about the departing vicar, I think. I'm not sure, but it certainly fits what I know and experienced over those twelve years! My take is that I had noticed all those people in the know, and were pretending everything was OK. Pretence is the most debilitating habit, and pretending it's perfect, continually, is an obvious sign that it chronic.

[@Bodyknowledge77]

It's amazing what the mind can do when we have the time. Thoughts that make you suffer that you won't leave behind. But you can . Oh but you can't!

[@i_dont_care_about_roma]

Stop me from misunderstanding you here but you are coming from somewhere and your point is

[@Bodyknowledge77]

@@i_dont_care_about_roma It's lyrics from a song I wrote related to dealing with painful memories and such. Thus it relates to what is spoken of here.

[@MZRTMusic254]

​@@Bodyknowledge77have you recorded it yet? I'd like to listen to it if possible...

[@beyzaerdem7653]

we tend to think we learn fear. fear is there, and you learn security. You cant end the video with such life changingly mindblowing sentence! While you were talking I was thinking about how I feared working in the court at first as a lawyer (my parents had a toxic divorce) and as I had to come and go I started to feel like it became a playground. My social anxiety went away after sometime as I worked and were able to analyse my experiences with the mindset of understanding the reasons behind other people's behaviors towards me. All my life I thought I had too much fear, more than others. I just had less experience than others. Often I'd think I wasnt meant to do the things I imagined because I wasnt tenacious and brave enough to push through the path. This video was meant to find me.

[@latinaalma1947]

I am in a different position...I have been widowed near a year and beaitiful memories haunt me...I miss my mate almost unnearbly...II am so vrateful I was so lucky for 41 years but, but he isnt HERE and nothing and no one else means anything compared with what he meant to me...I feel I lost my arms and legs gone and am trying to tread water without the parts of ME necessary to do that. It is far rougher than imagined and thos is my secpnd widpwhood. The first wasnt easy but I was young 31, and more resilient and there hadnt been thos storehouse FULl OF wonderful mrmories to haunt me. This I fear, has just gutted me permamently .

[@WomanWifeWarrior]

The way you articulated this was very raw…very powerful. I hope you have the strength to keep sharing. These are the feelings that many people have no words for.❤️‍🩹

[@fifteenbyfive]

I used to cry to get past them until they come around again. Now I can't even cry anymore so I'm not sure what I'm doing. Damaging my heart I guess. I haven't tried Peterson's potion yet, this stuff is really difficult to initiate voluntarily.

[@eval_is_evil]

I have several memories that sollicit involuntary phisical responses ,very uncomfortable. I'll try this.

[@hectorignacio-nx1dm]

Brilliantly put.

[@greatwar4916]

All 3 shame fear and rage. Wow I think those are pretty accurate descriptions to describe that person It was a really interesting interesting experience. Every other time I had blacked out and then would become lucid again when the source of the black out was elevated. But I was present for it through the whole time for the first time. As in I was lucid. I watched myself get into bed closing my eyes, Shutting down, series of events that had all occurred before that I was never until now truly lucid for. The reason I know those events had occurred before is because when it happened I remembered all the other times that I had just forgotten. I digress. Mentioned series of events happened felt like they happened in a blink of a second as my body had taken over and I was a spectator to my body defending me. Then as I was opening and closing my eyes as I was resisting to shut down something happened. I saw my screen lock and then I became exhilarated with energy becoming present and lucid in a moment,and then I pushed through and finished the video. My screen lock is a pick of me dressed as a priest with the caption “Fear not my son take my hand and I will carry you through the valley of darkness” Final thoughts: Well JP you where right, I really didn’t want to do it. Sorry that’s an understatemen I had never not wanted do something more then writing that down or getting through this video in my entire life. I was cursing the f**k out of you, just absolutely losing It and bewildered af, but afterwards the whole experience was like a release of funk, a catharsis release. A phoenix rebirth, a Christian rebirth if you will.

[@AlastorTheNPDemon]

I'm on the autism spectrum and I have a lot of narcissistic pathology traits. I feel like the archetypal child who was rejected by the village, even though most of my interactions have been amicable on the surface. I can't help but see other people as potential threats because of past rejections - incredibly painful thanks to RSD and sensory issues - and the general feelings of revenge and envy are all-pervasive as a result. Here's to hoping this works.

[@adolfojuangarcia1906]

I have autism too. And I completely relate to this

[@kevinkelly2162]

'I am a narcist and I am here to tell you about me'

[@EJGilb]

​@@kevinkelly2162if you have nothing helpful to say, shut up.

[@kathyhollenbach7413]

@Argo...if I may be so bold; since you have named your faults, or recognize them, why try to heal yourself? Go see a psychiatrist and get these issues resolved.

[@eijonasson]

@@kathyhollenbach7413 Are you suggesting you have had success in your effort at psychological and or psychiatric care. roflmao

[@dogbackwards33]

Thank you for bringing me back to God

[@vannessaviljoen8752]

Resonates so deeply

[@Human_01]

Nice.

[@Fábiodarealdeal]

What you are doing is amazing Dr Jordan 🙏🏼

[@AFringedGentian]

I very highly recommend Dr. Peterson’s podcast with Dr. Pennebaker from some years back- it fully explores the topics touched on here.

[@buzzowen5882]

Dr. M. Scott Peck, a Psychiatrist wrote, “Life is difficult. This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths. It is a great truth because once we truly see this truth, we transcend it.” ‘A Road Less Traveled’. I thought of that quote a hundred times thru the years. Once in a session with my counselor of many years, I was telling him about that quote. While I was reciting it to him, I had a real epiphany. The quote was true, the whole quote. It was strange but good. I was able to grasp the true meaning. For me, it was more than a surface quote. Once I truly accepted it, life became easier.

[@pamjohnson3504]

One of my favorite books!

[@greekozygirl599]

I could not expose the person who sexually molested me. She was a close friend to my biological mom, I didn't want to ruin her life for a number of reasons. I have many issues as a result, I've had a lot of therapy, and I am grateful for that.

[@WomanWifeWarrior]

I hope you’re still on the road to healing. ❤️‍🩹

[@ziegunerweiser]

55 no children, never married I suffered PTSD as the result of being bullied just as I hit puberty I've been isolated this whole time as the result of social anxiety I think because of what happened to me back then

[@sadtiger2022]

The memory isn't changed, the perspective is.

[@L.I.T.H.I.U.M]

"Fear is there, and you learn security." This video was intriguing, even though I've heard this story in his newest book. His psychology clips move really well between studies, clinical anecdotes and myths. His recipe for gripping anyone. However, I find myths a bit boring sometimes. Also, I think the thumbnails of these videos should be the real photo of you speaking instead of a well produced fake one. It represents what we're about to see more accurately. And I bet will get you more clicks.

[@tohe0000]

I found out a good way to deal with a trauma that works for me over and over again. It took me about 26 years of painful thoughts until I figured it out. I will share it should anyone want it.

[@BrackenSu11y]

Curious to know

[@Human_01]

​@@BrackenSu11y ... What? The secret to making good bread?!💥🤯🥖✨ *Naanii??!!!*

[@peacetruth3074]

Such wisdom in this man.

[@Bachconcertos]

I cleaned my room ate my veggies showed up on time kept my word developed my skills & talents and I have nothing.

[@curiousone6129]

What you have isn't tangible.

[@terrormilk384]

I love how he disappears into the abyss in that dark suit with that dark background 😂

[@sixwillwin]

yes thought the same thing right away

[@terrormilk384]

@@sixwillwin but goddamn thats one hell of a suit

[@anacc3257]

He also sounded sad and tired as if he just woke up. Fits the theme

[@derekspitz9225]

"... fear's there, but you learn security." That's really interesting.

[@pedzsan]

I have two health related traumas that haunt me. One is I got sepsis and the other I got anxiety. I have recovered from the sepsis and I have improved greatly with the anxiety. But both traumas haunt me because I don’t know, definitely, why the occurred. I can recite back the sequence of events but I don’t know how to avoid a reoccurrence of either of the two events. Part of my lingering anxiety is about not knowing how to avoid getting sepsis or how to avoid getting severe anxiety. I mention this because I too have come to find that *understanding* is key to resolving emotional issues. But what to do if such understanding isn’t available?

[@arhoosier1058]

the number one cause of that anxiety and at least how you mention it here is needing to get rid of the anxiety. when you feed into your anxiety, it only grows. when you have this itching feeling to get rid of those memories, you’re only putting more attention to your brain to getting rid of it, which brings the specific memories you don’t want back, associating those memories with “i need to get rid of them” and puts panic to when they come back. think of it like the chinese finger trap, the more you resist it, the more stuck you are. getting rid of those memories completely is quite foolish. if you become focused on getting rid of them, your brain can be hyper fixated on those thoughts and feelings creating more stress. it’s good to journal your thoughts, how you feel, how they make you feel. try to do other activities and you’ll soon to realize you don’t really care ab the worry. change your perception on those feelings and those memories can simply be memories. there are people, and i’ve seen in this comments too explain it better than i could on how to solve it but i can at least attempt to pin point the problem. journaling is one of the best things you could do, create new memories to create new events that make those old memories seem not as important, live in the present, the more you focus on the past and future the more it impacts your current moment, impacting what can happen for you in the future and creating more bad past events, think ab it like this too, if your past events are you worrying ab those memories it creates a loop, which then impacts how you deal with it in the future as well. look at life objectively and remember that you are simply an observer of your mind. not all thoughts or memories need to be dealt with and not having to completely forget ab them or worry ab control over your mind can downplay any stress that may occur when the memory comes. the psyche is very smart but can very bad by setting it’s own traps, it’s just anatomy.

[@emes711]

overwhelmed. Thank you so much

[@peacockLife]

i never foresaw the downswing in the world to happen in my lifetime.. i suppose my expectation was wrong, and unrealistic. we had a pretty smooth several decades before this.. Wish i was more prepared

[@noremac4807]

May I ask what is the downsizing you are referring too?

[@prospect2]

sometimes even if you analyse and reflect on the past in full it can still bring negative emotions when you think about it and still never "leaves you alone", it could just be a personality thing i guess.

[@redtobertshateshandles]

Try concentrating on what you are doing now. I heard a psychologist on the radio say this about worrying. It worked for me. Though I admit I had trivial issues. If you have serious issues then you need to speak to an expert. I found that talking to a psychologist ( I connected with) was great.

[@devarmont87]

I understand what you are referring to you, so please hear me out. There's a difference between what you are referring to and healthy memory enquiry. With a memory, one of two or more things are happening, 1) you don't remember the details 100%, it's more like 5% and you fill in details based off your perception of how you feel right now or assumed you felt at the time. And 2) you are remembering the past through your current psychological filters and core beliefs about your own inner self worth. And 3) if the memory is fresh then the memory is more accurate. Now to the point - I've heard people talk about regressing memories as being dangerous due to reliving trauma, and yes this is true but... Its only trye when you empower the memory with ideology pertaining to your core beliefs about you or the event. As opposed to viewing the memory with a complete liberated freedom from within you. As an example - two memories One is someone breaking your heart, and the other is sharing a birthday with family. Here's the point - If you remember getting your heart broken in great detail, it is not the memory that hurts you, it is in fact the idea you hold about yourself that you embody. If you have low self worth, then during the remembering of a painful event, you'll be holding true in the meaning that you are worthless, and it is the pain of being worthless that makes you vulnerable. The visual acuity of the memory is as harmless as a tv screen. Think of a memory with family on a birthday (a pleasant one) Why does one memory hurt and the other not? Because the memory is not the thing that hurts you. Its the association that you emphasise and place on your self, or ot is the meaning you give to the thought that hurts you. It is you that hurts you. So when you regress memories to heal them, you must allow yourself to feel the pain with an open mind to find the pain within you, simply by looking at the pain it will disappear. This has long been the secret of many great masters. Your focus on the raw pain (unlabelled) will metabolize it. Its only when we look at the pain with a story like "he/she did that" or "I am the victim" or "it shouldn't have happened" it's these stories we hold true that emphasise the emotion that we hold about ourselves that make the memory stagnant. True liberation comes from acceptance. And to do that you must look and realise the memory is just, and the story you place on the memory is the pain. When you look into a memory, it is the story that you place on the event that hurts you. Understand that. Think of it like watching a movie. How can a movie hurt you? Yet we all cried in titanic right? Because the pain comes from what it means to us! To lose someone is painful. So it's the story of "I'm worthless, and my life isn't worth living if I lose this person" .. bang ! Emotion! The movie didn't do it. Your emphasised ideology of your self worth that you placed on the movie did it. So to regress a memory in a healthy way you must get good at looking at it unbiased. From the others perspective, and it helps to really understand your core beliefs and how they always come into determine your reality. I am tried and tested true with this. I've healed many many memories in my life, ones from my parents and lovers throug this. And yes it absolutely helps to write them down. Because weeks later you can reread your pain and realise how little you actually care, or you over exaggerated an event. Read Byron Katie - I need your love is it true Its not just love. Its all about false perspective

[@prospect2]

@@devarmont87 thanks for the long thought out response, ill try to look at my past events from an unbiased perspective and right them down.

[@jamesmaclean5586]

Every supposed fact.... most of them.... always go deeper.... and examining anything or anyone long enough can change understanding.... change a supposed fact.... this happens in court rooms as well.... it will also happen at the great and last day.... perfect clarity of understanding of our lives.... That is how great our Father in the Cosmos is.

[@giorgialeksandria6665]

I was bullied in school but when I started to train in Judo, 2 years after, Bullies did not come to closer anymore.

[@rationalityrules111]

This is such a beautiful phenomenon, a philosophy concert

[@ChandaAshley]

Wow. You just blew my mind with that story about your client.

[@kevinkusman9137]

My problem is I never got resolutions to the most painful experiences in my past, and never will. I am a believer in changing points of view and looking at things from outside angles, so I dont pigeon hole my perspective. But it still doesnt help me resolve these hangups. I just pray that eventually the rage will become too tiresome to carry and the past will leave me be.

[@maheraahmed4210]

You are already exhausted from the rage. That's why you want it to leave you be. You have to tend to your fears as if they are a child. Ask him what's wrong so you (the adult) can help him overcome his fear.

[@Dapturner]

Search for Petersons video "How to deal with the death of an estranged parent." The video addresses your lack of sense of resolution. I hope you find the inner peace you're searching for.

[@BrackenSu11y]

Forgiveness, forgive yourself and forgive the people/person. Self love + forgiveness

[@annastone5624]

Yes it is lack of supervision, but a 6yo boy, is quite a difference from a 4yo girl. Even if they were unsupervised, he still bullied or assaulted her. So her experience is the same regardless. No one protected her. A 10yo girl assaulted by a 12yo etc is also case of lack of supervision, but it’s still assault. Being bullied at the workplace is also a case of poor supervision, in that case by management. In fact all bullies/sexual assaulters are getting away with what they do, because they have access to someone vulnerable who isn’t being protected. For the victim, why it happens, doesn’t change the fact that it happens and has happened to them.

[@feinberg4625]

EMDR works great as well

[@jerobarraco]

EMDR is awesome. similar to toltec recapitulation. writing your inner dialog down is also very helpful.

[@sweedlepipe]

What a good simple presentation of this video. Elsewhere it would be rehashed with a wretched two note piano repeat and fancy graphics making it difficult to understand.

[@Huckleberry04]

I have written things down in very detailed terms. I am still struggling to manage my emotions and letting things go. I heard that BPD could be treated with DBT but that it's not curable. I dont manage well once triggered all I want to do is get away so I dont hurt people. I feel so futile. It's such an ugly way to live and no one can or will be friends. So how does writing help with borderline personality disorder

[@andrewhanderson2587]

Thank you so much for this video, bless you.😢

[@smartypants9949]

Things stop happening to me when I stopped expecting it

[@Human_01]

You are 'good', and model human! 👍✨

[@hflory1]

Aldous Huxley was the first, in my personal history, to comment about the healing properties of writing off your inner demons. You start with the cathartic effect of writing and, your writings will ressonate with people and will become commercially viable. time will tell if you will become a remembered writer or your writings were just yours.

[@Ed-lian]

If somebody have a traumatic memory and things happened to them. It is also a big point of how you think of that. How you look at it. The thing that happened you cannot be changed But how you look at it.... is also up to you. But there are two places of storage of memory. You cannot access stored trauma with awareness, those stored in the "feeling" location. One is the consciousness the awareness The other is the feeling.

[@Human_01]

Great video, JP! 👍✨

[@Zarozian]

If only Guts had met Jordan Peterson sooner.

[@i_dont_care_about_roma]

Life isn't your anime fantasy, you are the fanfare I'm certain the person you describe would never appreciate. Cheers

[@Lima3578user]

8:00 negative emotion

[@FHBStudio]

The past is fixed and the world consists of facts. Memories are a model of the world which can change.

[@DiegoAndrade-ig1qs]

Where's the link for the complete video?!

[@joey9784]

Someone send full video

[@alisonthomson439]

Thank you Dr Peterson ❤️🙏🏽

[@i_dont_care_about_roma]

There's a reason you only communicate to reflect, Jordan

[@cosmomusic]

What lecture is this from?! Was waiting to hear the end of the story he was sharing but this is a snippet and wanna hear it!

[@JacobDover-s4m]

I have memories that still haunt me 😥😥😥.

[@tanyamiller6275]

Love you peterson

[@jeanninelouw3632]

Interesting and so valuable. You would so enjoy the work of James Hillman and Jung on these deeply mythical subjects of memory and the daimon which is our souls journey and these experiences of childhood when we are perversely polytheistic and still amoral and how that influences how we can reimagine the stories from our experiences

[@UMARATE]

I will write and throw in rough papers from now on

[@lawrencegreen8952]

Very true. I had two narcissistic parents who scapegoated me. My father started the abuse before I can remember. I know, because I saw what he did to my little sister and he liked her MUCH more than he did me. He could turn a "Kodak Moment" into pornographic ugliness with his sickness. My mother told me I would be better off dead if I disappointed my parents, which is all ever I seemed to do. Any friends or mentors I had soon died or moved away. I was intensely curious, a bit creative in verbal and other ways, and an empath. He twice carried me to a circus when I was 4 to see my distress at the wobbling stack of chairs with a clown in the top chair. He fed off my facial reactions because, I think, he felt dead inside. He was sadistic, constantly threatening me verbally, telling me he played for keeps and that was true. He was harming me and he intended to do so. The abuse continued most violently when out hunting and fishing with him, which should have been our quality time. I was confined to my room after the evening meal for years on end. The family was watching tv and I was isolated in my room. I was left home on the family's vacation. Writing was a huge help and watching KZbin's video's on Narcissistic parents helped me to begin to see my dystopian childhood in a clearer light. I am 80 years old and ready to move into an assisted living arrangement that is badly needed, but my mind is still sharp. My father rationalized his behavior toward men as trying to crush my spirit. Little boys are rambunctious. I was a wiggle de worm, and probably ADHD. Randy Newman, the songwriter (You've Gotta Friend in Me, Short People, etc.) was on a concert tour of Europe and between songs was asked how many children he had. He replied that he had 4 kids. He said he had two boys first and then two girls. He said that if he had had the two girls first and then the two boys, he would have thought the boys were retarded. Some of the women that I shared this with positively exploded in sustained rib-busting laughter.

[@elloohno1349]

Can you please Link the source of the clip I want to watch the rest of it please!

[@TopperPenquin]

I have heard enough. Firstly this person has committed murders on multiple levels and how any derangement can be implemented on me I would like to know? Secondly I agree with you. Thirdly most of the world's current problems can be attributed to such persons.

[@debbiefox8675]

Wow wow wow thnsk you so much

[@aanchaallllllll]

0:11: 💡 Expressing emotion about past trouble can be curative and lead to improvement in well-being. 3:56: 🔑 The speaker discusses a strange experience involving childhood memories and trauma. 7:08: 🔥 A person is plagued by memories of being bullied in high school, leading to murderous fantasies. Recap by Tammy AI

[@martinbrousseau2560]

Triage in mental health is important to identify injuries much like triage in medical aid.

[@kacythomas1327]

I overcome all the people who gave them to me that's how.....

[@ghasaqkareem]

Is there a full version to this?

[@selmatlemsani2789]

Can someone please tell me Which lecture is this one ?

[@misterman3379]

I find writing out bad events or negative emotional experiences doesn’t really help me at all. Seems to make it worse often

[@lilachiricli6756]

Try it again and then set fire to the paper in a suitable container. Put the ashes in the bin.

[@lilpotato20]

It depends on the person, I agree.

[@lilachiricli6756]

It's so that you can face what has happened again and reprocess. You write it down, leave for a few days then read. It's painful, but cathartic and helps you to not run on the automatic processing that is ingrained in you from the programming instilled by the experiences. It's not easy. Some were "trained" not to tell and some just don't. That's when pen and paper is invaluable - helps you respect how you actually feel rather than pushing it aside and ignoring. Doing it regularly helps you understand that you feel differently about things at different times and moves you more towards the more positive outcome for yourself that you want and need, making you a stronger person inside and more capable of being in control of yourself. Write about the good stuff too.

[@misterman3379]

@@lilachiricli6756 ok. I’ll give it a go. Got nothing to lose. Thanks

[@misterman3379]

@@lilpotato20 thank you … yeah seems to work for some people. Maybe my approach is wrong some how.

[@idkwth5056]

Where was this clip taken from? I need to see the whole thing

[@the-quintessenz]

I didn't really get the method. Can someone explain please? As I understood, you write down bad memories with less emotional, but in descriptive language. Then you get rid of them over time? This sounds to me like a matter of correlation vs causation tbo...

[@redtobertshateshandles]

I heard a psychologist on the radio once. I was a truck driver with lots of time to think about the time I got bullied or whatever. I'd just come off the freeway so yeah, thinking about this rubbish. The psychologist says " concentrate on what you are doing, and the worry will disappear. " So I concentrated just driving my truck, enjoying the sunshine, changing gears etc, and I just forgot about the silly stuff. Jordan?? Sometimes I have to watch twice, as I have a short attention span.

[@stephtimms1776]

I wrote mine in the emotion as descriptive as possible, then later read and reflected on it all with reason and prayerfully seeking inspiration from God, recording my thoughts. I needed to do it more than once, each time it came up causing roadblocks... less and less over time, learning more each time about myself, others, and life. I threw away some of my writings but kept what I learned.

[@redtobertshateshandles]

​@@stephtimms1776like Steph says. Writing in an understanding manner. Once the girl understood that her brother was only 6 years old it lessened the importance.

[@keithburt7874]

Remarkable: I just realized an Ex required that I exercise my Will instead of living in the Grace of the Spirit of God, the actual attitude that caused the Adversary to fall, Peace3ed

[@casebycase_904]

The audio is bad 😢 could u fix and upload this

[@tatianagoncalves944]

Hello!Is ls the link of the whole lecture available?

[@womanofvalor7]

How do I write them down - is there a template I can use

[@plainsimple442]

Fear is a survival instinct.

[@zeroceiling]

But also perhaps just a learned response to an inescapable threat.