HOW TO RAISE GOOD KIDS! | Easy, Intentional Parenting Advice

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You asked, and I FINALLY made the video: I'm sharing the 12 things we do to raise good kids!
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SOME IDEAS FOR SETTING BOUNDARIES:
* What time is bedtime? Does it change on certain days?
* Is there a certain time your child can get out of their bed, leave their room, etc
* Purposely hurting others (physically, emotionally) is never acceptable
* When (after breakfast, after lunch, after dinner, how late?) your child can have snacks
* Where can your child take food/drink in your home
* Should your child follow directions quickly, the first time given, etc
* What does your child have to ask before doing?
* Where should your child sleep?
* When an adult speaks to your child, they should...
* How much _______ (screen time, sweets, etc) your child can have in a day
* When can your child go outside?
* Where can your child go when they're outside?
* Can they have devices at the table? A restaurant? In the car? In their backpack?
* Is there anything they have to wait to do until they're a certain age?
* We don't purchase things at the grocery store unless they've been added to the list
* What toys are only for outside?
* What should your child avoid doing to the family pets?
* Is your child expected to always tell the truth, be honest with all adults, be honest with parents, etc
* When/how often does your child have to bathe, brush teeth, wash hands, brush hair, etc
* Is your child expected to be kind to others?
* What should your child do if they see someone being unsafe or mean?
* Do they have to be dressed a certain way to be able to leave their room, etc? Is underwear ok? (I have four boys, ya'll. Getting a few of my kids to want to wear something other than just boxers is sometimes a struggle in our home. Is this something you feel is important to set a boundary for for your family?)
* What can their video games/apps/music they listen to be rated?
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SOME IDEAS FOR EASY REWARDS:
* staying up 10/15/20/30 extra minutes
* staying out later
* getting to bring a friend over
* extra story at bedtime
* building something specific they want out of blocks/playdoh, etc with a parent
* getting to choose breakfast/lunch/dinner
* paint their nails
* extra ____ minutes of screen time
* unlimited time on a device
* download a new app (preferably free or set whatever $ limit ahead of time)
* playing a board game of their choice with who they want
* playing a Mario Kart, etc game against a parent
* have a picnic/tea party (inside or out)
* family movie
* learning dance moves together from KZbin as a family
* extra piece of candy
* going to the library and loading up on books
* getting a new board game
* making slime together
* pack of gum
* getting to go to Target, Barnes and Noble, etc and pick out a new book of their choice
* extra dessert
* extra soda/juice/chocolate milk
* lego minifigure/Hatchimal colleggtible egg (get a container of 12 and only give one for each time they get to 6 or however many points)/LOL doll
* new sticker for their water bottle/sticker book/computer
* a new football/baseball card
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PRODUCTS SHOWN:
[[ I paid for all products shown in the video except for my phone case, which was gifted. I do receive a small commission from some of the affiliate links you see below, but it doesn't cost you any extra, & I appreciate it so much! - xo, Lo]]
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#howtoraisegoodkids #parentingtipsfor2020 #gamechangingparenting

[@pinkafterblue]

If you enjoyed this video, it would mean the WORLD to me if you took a moment to share it with others 💕 This was my most requested video EVER! I hope you all enjoy it. It can be so uncomfortable talking about parenting in such a candid way, but it is such an important conversation to have. We're not on this island alone. Raising little people to become good humans is our biggest job as parents. Thank you for opening up this conversation on my channel. Intentional parenting is something I feel incredibly passionate about.

[@leanneadams2549]

I wish i heard this 30 yrs ago when my kids were younger!!! But I can put this in use with my grandkids !!! So awesome!!!❤️

[@jessicalise4083]

This was amazing!! Thank you so much!! My son is just about 14 months old and I’m planning to apply as many of your tips as I can. I’m not planning on having any more children so I really want to focus on having a polite, considerate, and grateful little human 💜💜

[@faithsfamily6254]

I’m so thankful for this video my son is almost 15 months and he never listens to me and just yells at me and I was feeling like a failure all together. But now I see things that I need to change within my parenting/myself that will help him change in a positive way to where he sees I’m serious without me lashing out and that he doesn’t have control over me. This was so helpful, I will be taking lots of notes from what you said to implement as he gets older as well. 💕

[@RichardBornemann]

I think what you talk about at 2:53 is absolutely powerful. The idea of sitting down, taking some time, to set boundaries (or what I sometimes call policies, if they aren't exactly boundary specific) is being proactive so that as parents you can anticipate what is needed to guide your kids. It is so easy in parenting, to get behind with our kids, they grow and develop so quickly, and new behaviors can seemingly pop up out of nowhere. Really agree with your thinking on simply putting some time into anticipating and defining what your children need. Thank you, great video.

[@DayToDayMom]

Yay! have some errands to run but def watching this later!!! so glad you are back to posting again!!!

[@pinkafterblue]

Oh, girl. Meeee, too! 💕

[@TheCleavesCoopCustoms]

LOVED this video! So many good ideas to implement into our family. I have a rambunctious toddler, almost 2, and We’re struggling with tantrums but after watching this, I’m determined to try some new things and see if they work for us. Thanks for sharing! ❤️

[@pinkafterblue]

I'm so glad you enjoyed it. Feel free to share if you think any others you know could benefit. You can soooo do this, mama. Tantrums are difficult to deal with, but following through is the key to putting them far, far behind you!

[@thisboymomlife]

Glad your doing this video. I am looking to learn everything I can about parenting. And you definitely have great kids. Thank you

[@pinkafterblue]

Aww, thank you. I really appreciate the compliment on my children. I’m glad you appreciated it 💕 It was out of my comfort zone to make, but I’m so happy to help others.

[@kimm3385]

This video is amazing, so many useful parenting skills, excellent advice! I😍👍🤗😍

[@pinkafterblue]

Thanks, Kim! I'm glad you found it helpful.

[@LearningLeagueKids]

I love that you said to try to not respond emotionally. I find it so hard to put my feelings aside, I am human, I get tired and have a headache but I try so hard to have patience. We have to be the role model for our children!

[@traceysanfordemmanuel7704]

Really good information! Thanks for sharing your game changers! Parenting is definitely rewarding once you have the right tools to help your children grow. I’m learning how to use effective grand parenting tools at this stage of my life with 3 grandchildren at 3 different stages of life.

[@princessmia15820]

I absolutely love this video and all of your wonderful advice! It has only been one day of utilizing some of these tips, and my daughter has responded so well! My favorite tip has been balancing the negative talk with the positive talk. It seems like something so simple, but I never actually thought about it before!

[@beccacarson116]

Loren, I can't say thank you enough for making this video! It took so many things that I was contemplating and put in it all into a structured video with practical examples and loving encouragement. I know that so many parents are going to eat this video up! GREAT JOB!

[@Jaimelyn_disney11]

You are amazing with a lot of wonderful advice. Your children are so lucky to have you. Thank you for this video!

[@pinkafterblue]

You’re very welcome. I’m so glad I could help.

[@TheRavensNest]

I really loved this video!

[@pinkafterblue]

I’m so glad you enjoyed it.

[@lilimundo1]

Such a great video and such great advice. I am an infant teacher watching your videos teaches me so much. Your such a graceful human and an amazing mother and teacher! Thank you for all you do and for sharing your wonderful family with the world!!💞💞

[@pinkafterblue]

Thanks so much for taking the time to leave such a sweet comment. I really appreciate that! Thank you 💕

[@lucylocket546]

Excellent advice - consistency and boundaries sounds like old advice but good advice. The older I get the more I realise there is no point ‘reinventing the wheel’. This stuff works 👍🏻 I like using imagery of a mountain or brick wall. In the midst of it sometimes it easy to waver but once you see it through and see good results it’s a reminder it is the best to stick with your rules. Kids feel happier and more secure knowing this will be the case. Happier and more secure children mean a solid foundation for life. It’s hard work but it’s good work. Clearly you are nailing it - as much as anyone can ‘nail’ these things of course! Great video ⭐️😊

[@isabellascaramuzza3622]

You are so brilliant and so inspirational. Thank you for making me look forward to being a mom even more than I already am!!

[@pinkafterblue]

Aww, thanks. That really means more to me than you know!

[@mallorybell5359]

Thank you so much for this video! It's the first one I've watched that actually makes sense and seems practical and doable. My question is, how do I teach my two year old to obey the first time? I don't know if I should be doing time out the first time he disobeys, or if there's some other way. I know expecting it every single time is unrealistic, but I really want him to learn this. Thank you!

[@wendylock9071]

I love you clock in the back ground, xxxx your such a lovely person and wonderful mum, you have a fantastic family...... thankyou for all your beautiful videos xxxxxxxx love you all xxxxx xxxxxx xxxxxxxx

[@pinkafterblue]

Thank you! I ordered it but it’s from Joanna Gaine’s Magnolia Home collection from Pier 1. Your compliment is too sweet. Thank you thank you thank you.

[@vikivictoria7343]

You have a great family!

[@pinkafterblue]

Thank you, Viki. We’ve been abundantly blessed 💕

[@staceyhoward7108]

Great advice.

[@serobinson1]

Since you said no excuse to hurt someone , How do you feel about defending themselves ? I know your boys are getting older, if some was actually hurting the / punching them etc would you want them to fight back and protect themselves ?

[@pinkafterblue]

I think about things from a legal standpoint when it comes to self defense. If their brother/sister hits them, no, they shouldn’t hit them back because they’re not in a life or death situation and there are other ways for them to get help since we’re right here for them in the home with them, and none of my kids really want to inflict harm on each other (though they may make a bad decision in the moment. It might be different if one of my children had a true problem with hurting another intentionally. I can’t imagine that.) If the only option outside of our home was to protect themselves with violence, then that is what they should do, but unless someone that wants to do them harm is holding them down and hurting them/forcing them and they can’t stop it any other way that they’ve tried, I can’t think of any other normal kid situation this would happen in outside of a life/death emergency situation.

[@pinkafterblue]

For example, Cruz has bit Jenna twice before while playing. He doesn’t realize what he’s doing and he’s not trying to hurt her. She realizes this, and even in the moment when he is latched on to her, she inherently knows from how she’s been brought up that her hurting him to get him to stop isn’t the right thing to do, and it isn’t her instinct. She’s never hurt him, even in those two moments. She tells him ouch and to stop right away and then runs to tell us so we can handle it in the right way. Her hitting him at that moment wouldn’t be the right thing to do, and she’d get in trouble for that, just as he would for biting. It would be different if when she told him to stop, screamed, or called for us, nothing worked.

[@serobinson1]

@@pinkafterblue that makes sense. I guess I have a different mindset sometimes because I work in a prison, so I always think of worst case stuff. Also I do live in a city that’s not always the safest, so I think that goes back to the area you live in and the peers they have . I am defiantly going to start trying some of these ideas with my 2 who fight non stop

[@katemiller7874]

In the boy world if doesn’t defend himself. He’s toast. We as women don’t get this as I’ve raised boys. I always told my sons you will not throw the first punch but you can finish it. The bully then respects them and leaves them alone. I’ve seen this work well.

[@chelseamcbride1032]

Thank you for doing this video I seriously learn so much from you! 💙👍😀 also, you look so pretty!!

[@pinkafterblue]

I'm so glad you enjoyed it! That means so much to me. And thank you!

[@nikkigravley7954]

Love this video! Kids 2, 4, 6, and 8.

[@pinkafterblue]

I’m glad you enjoyed it. We have 10, 9, 8, 3, and 8ish months.

[@elisacrawford4520]

I thought this video was great! Very insightful and exactly what I needed to help get my house back under control. If you don’t mind could you please tell me which chore system you use in your family? We need a new method around here. 😊

[@pinkafterblue]

Here’s ours! I hope it helps: kzbin.info/www/bejne/ppPRlp5vjch3qMk

[@elisacrawford4520]

Thank you 🙏

[@michellekey8150]

How do your boundaries work with responding to adults when they are reluctant/shy? When they don't respond adequately to an adult in a safe situation, what do you do to correct their behavior so they learn to look a person in the eyes and be cordial?

[@pinkafterblue]

My boys aren’t all particularly outgoing but they’re not extremely shy; however, sometimes one of them in particular can be reluctant to respond (or at least respond the way I’d hope) if he’s unsure what the intentions of the adult are. He can be very anxious. I also have the problem of them having a conversation together and not notice when an adult randomly speaks to them, or (more often) they’re just distracted and truly don’t notice. In any of those situations, I correct the behavior. Most of the time I say in from of the adult if I feel comfortable enough, “boys, did you hear _____? Are you going to respond?” and they either turn around, apologize, and say they didn’t, or they apologize and respond appropriately. Sometimes, I’ll wait until right after the encounter when we’re alone and then I talk to them about what they were doing, what the adult did, and why I was disappointed in them not responding. Then I model or tell them how I would have liked them to respond and if they think they’d be able to do that in the future, and then they’ve always apologized. I then let them know I’m so excited for the next time someone speaks to them because I know they’ll do better at making eye contact and responding politely. If they do, I celebrate it and specifically say what they did I thought was so brave and polite and mature of them to do/say the first moment of privacy I get. I may also try to incorporate using empathy into the teaching part if my child was solely not responding like we want because they are genuinely very shy and not just being reluctant. Make sure they understand that adults are just people, too, and how much their interaction with your child could’ve brightened their day, etc. Then I would include the other things I mentioned discussing. I don’t think I would excuse their behavior and do away with my expectation or lower my expectation, though, because feeling shy is an emotion as much as anger is. They’re not to blame for their emotions and it may be completely innocent; however, we still want them to become the best version of themselves so we just keep working on it. 💕

[@janetdunbar8164]

Very excited video. I have been missing you. I wish you would show Cruz I your video. I grew so close to your family when he was born. Looking for more videos. Thank You

[@pinkafterblue]

I'm sorry - thanks for sharing this with me. I'll make sure to post one including soon!

[@breehopkins2086]

For example: If our boundaries are to not jump on the sofa or to not talk loud in the house. We say please do not jump on the sofa. And if they keep doing so address but how would u do so ? Time out doesn't work well. 😪 because we have added the behavior chart like u recommended which is helping with our 6 year old. But not the 2 year old he's still doing his own thing lol,😂i let them hit the point but he doesn't understand when its bad even though I tell him I'm going to have to take a point away because u keep hitting ur brother.

[@pinkafterblue]

He doesn’t care about the points, so I don’t think that’s going to work. With Jenna, she really cares about it for some unknown reason. I think she just hates hearing the negative sound and lives to “get points”, but if she didn’t, then that wouldn’t be a consequence for her. I think 2 is too young to implement the system since they’re still in the thick of their impulse control; however, we didn’t accept bad behavior from our two year olds. If he was jumping on the couch, we would stop him and talk to him about not jumping on the couch and that it would break our couch and isn’t safe. If he jumped again, we would pick him up and put him off the couch. If he climbed up and jumped again, we would pick him up and place him on the wall and set a two minute timer on our phone. We wouldn’t talk to him or look at him during that time, as your attention is really your reinforcer with a two year old than anything else. If he comes off the wall a few feet, as long as he looks as if he’s “being punished” (pause/turn off the tv and make sure toys aren’t in his reach at the spot on the wall you pick), then ignore his fur or whatever. Make sure your timer is really loud when it goes off so he can see that the time is what let’s him off the wall. Go hug him and tell him he’s fine is over and you know he’ll be a good listener now and don’t jump on mommy’s couch. Do that every time. If he’s too out of control in the moment that he doesn’t get happy when you tell him he can come off the wall and hug him, then he probably needs a nap and the next time he does it, put him back on the wall, set the timer, and tell him one time “if you don’t listen to mom, you’ll have to take a nap” (and then ignore everything he does right after this moment - he may throw a fit). Repeat the “coming off the wall” directions and follow through with the nap right away if he can’t control himself. Make sure everything you say you 100% do.

[@katemiller7874]

He’s too young to care about points. With time out you have to be consistent. 2 years old 2 minutes. If he gets up from time out put him back in it. Then when he’s done tell him why he was in it. say sorry. That’s it.

[@mfg18pink]

Your shirt is soo cute! Where is it from?!

[@pinkafterblue]

Thank you! It’s from Altar’d State.

[@slleeepingbeauty]

My son is 22 months old and still seems to lack a lot of understanding for things like cleaning up, listening to me, following directions he doesn’t want to do, and to stop pinching when he doesn’t get his way. He also doesn’t really talk much other than saying simple names for things and some letters and numbers. Would you still use the ignoring tantrums method? Or start trying to implement the distraction technique?

[@pinkafterblue]

My best advice is to think about why he's throwing the tantrum. In those moments, I'd guess it is to gain control of the situation and get what he wants or get attention (even though it's bad attention). If this is the case, I'd 100% do planned ignoring with this behavior. Even if he gets louder. Don't look at him or talk to him when he's doing it. Walk away if you can, but don't tell him you are. I would try the deescalation after three-five minutes if he is still tantruming. Say in a happy or at least neutral way a question you know he knows the answer to or can answer. Oh no, I can't find your (something he LOVES. blanket? Where is it? or something like that. If he doesn't answer, he's not in a place of control yet or else he is still trying to let his emotions have an effect over your expectations. Wait another 2-3 minutes and try again. I would only ask the question once. If he doesn't answer, that's his choice. Don't get into another back and forth power struggle with him in case he is choosing not to answer you and is trying to see what you'll do if he continues to disobey you. If he truly can not control himself after tantruming for long periods of times, then I would think he needs a nap. Don't ask him, but make him take a nap or go to sleep. Something else you can do if you think he DOES have it in him to stop throwing the tantruming but he's doing it to try and get what he wants, is you can give him some time to cry and do planned ignoring for two minutes and set the timer. If he isn't back into control at that point on his own, then tell him stop crying or you'll have to stand on the wall/in the corner. If he doesn't, escort him to the wall or corner and set a timer for however old he is in minutes. He can't come off the wall or corner until that time is up. If he tries to leave, tell him if he leaves the wall, youll have to start his time over. Don't make eye contact with him while he's there. If he does leave, don't get upset about it, just calmly pick him up and put him back on the wall/corner and reset the timer. Once the time is over (he's probably going to tantrum or cry the whole time once he actually stays there), go over and tell him his time is up and he can come off the wall. Immediately give him a hug and tell him you love him, but we don't ____. and tell him say yes maam, or ok mom, etc to try and get some kind of compliance. Then do this every time. Even if it happens in the middle of a store - put him on a wall. I've been there and I've lived through it :)

[@katemiller7874]

He’s 22 months he’s still a baby. They really don’t get a grip til they are 3 years old plus boys arent that verbal. He’s probably frustrated as hell with your words. Confusing.

[@DarkBunny03]

I loved this video so much! I have a daughter who is very strong willed she will yell and cry if your demands are not met. Which is hard with a 3 month old son on top of it. For example she is a little over weight and I'm trying to help her by having her drink water she always refuses and throws a big fit she only likes juice and milk which I know is not healthy for her on a regular basis, but she will consistently not drink it and will almost go thirsty until I give her a milk or a juice it's insane I'm not really sure what to do. She is this way with a lot of things ..

[@shannonburke5565]

Maybe you can tey watering down her juice to make it slightly healthier. Then start using them as a reward. If she drinks 3 oz of water she can have a cup of juice etc.

[@pinkafterblue]

First of all, I think it's very brave of you to ask for advice with something as personal as parenting. Good job, mama! Her demands shouldn't be met in my opinion because we should give her what she needs and not what she wants, especially when she isn't asking nicely. Every day we let things like this go by, the harder it may be to eventually change these habits, especially if we tell her no sometimes and then sometimes give in to her demands. & Even if she DOES begin to ask super nicely for more, I think you should set your boundary with one cup of juice and one cup of milk and the rest is water (or whatever you want your rule to be), and that should be that no matter how much she pushes back, refuses water, or asks. If she doesn't drink the water, she must not be thirsty. I wouldn't worry. In the morning, I would ask her what she wants to drink and if she asks for milk or juice, I would say, OK but if you have it now, you can only have ____ and then water for the rest of the day. Are you sure you want it now?" if she says yes, I'd happily give it to her. Later, present the same offer but only give her the two remaining choices. If she picks to use up her milk or juice (which she probably will), say OK but later all you can have it water, are you sure you want it now?" If she says yes, I'd happily give it to her. Later when she has her next meal, don't ask her, just make her the cup of water before you sit her down to eat so you're not asking her again. If she complains, I'd say, "sorry baby, remember we only have one juice and one milk, and then water." If she doesn't drink it, that's ok. If she tantrums, that's ok. Just do what you know is best for her in the longrun. She'll come around, but only if she sees after a few days that you mean what you say, and that no matter what she does (and she may pull out some bad tantrums or even new negative behaviors as she pushes back), the expectation is the same. You can do this

[@DarkBunny03]

@@pinkafterblue you are so wonderful! thank you so much for the advice !😭💕💕🙏

[@katemiller7874]

Milk is very healthy for her as a growing child. After 2 years she can have 2 percent milk or skim. Ya juice isn’t that great unless orange juice in the morning. Don’t tell her she’s on a diet at all that’s a huge mistake parents make. Be consistent but let her be a kid too and enjoy treats.

[@kristenmiller8725]

We are struggling so bad with our 7 year old daughter..I'm just so lost . I feel like a huge failure.. she's great at school but at home it's a whole another story. It's not listening, and mouthing off constantly.

[@katemiller7874]

Does she have rules at home like school. Does she get a lot of positive attention from mom and dad. Does she have older siblings that are supportive of her. Your not a failure just change up what currently isn’t working.