How to REALLY spot a narcissist, FROM A DIAGNOSED NARCISSIST

[@jaredmello]

When 50% of clinicians diagnose NPD wrongly as bipolar, gives people like you and me ammo against people who call us out for not being licensed and just talking about our experiences.

[@Thenamelessnarcissist]

Honestly though! Sometimes I think we know more than them haha

[@jenniferbryn]

we do

[@williamblaze5527]

Their so-called expertise is a mere compilation of criminals and victims. Maybe if they didn't treat the rest of us like shit we might be more willing to enlighten their opinions. I'm not sure which part of shaming people into wearing a mask is confusing to them.

[@october8062]

@@Thenamelessnarcissist That’s not so far from truth, since you’re the one who experience and deal with it everyday

[@kateashby3066]

I JUST said this. I am a self diagnosed borderline because I check off all 9 boxes, have been institutionalized 8 times, arrested, alcoholic and addict, codependent, you name it. And I have no use for an official diagnosis because 1) most misdiagnose BPD, and 2) what’s the f’n point? If I meet the criteria, and I use DBT to get better, and I AM getting better,, then what the hell is a piece of paper certifying that I’m nuts gunna do? 😂 COULD it be CPTSD? Or just a huge coincidence? Sure. But the part that matters is that my life is a goddamned mess and I need to address it. So I don’t care what the label is. And wasting years in therapy to get a diagnosis is absurd. Also- it’s nearly impossible to find a therapist who works with it.

[@f.frederickskitty2910]

You have beautiful hair. My husband (also a narcissist but in denial) touches and plays with his hair constantly the same way. That's not an insult, just an observation. I have respect for you for not denying your NPD. It must have taken a lot of introspection to arrive there. I always knew something was off for years with my husband's behavior but it was our son, after completing an entry level psychology class, that named it for what it is. That insight was like magnets clicking together in my brain. How did I not know what I was dealing with for so long? I'm a registered nurse for pity's sake. Once I figured out the situation I educated myself and now I'm extremely capable in psychological warfare self defense. It's surprising how calling out jealousy, projection or gaslighting behaviors nips them in the bud. The cat's out of the bag now but it's been an exhausting 40 years.

[@kylekillgannon]

Don't compliment his hair. It will only give him more power.

[@chowell1451]

It’s appalling they don’t teach this shit in schools

[@kaylaaicher3902]

dude ive been listening to narc stuff for 2 days and found you and i think you are truly the real deal. you are helping me unpack (i hate that word) my most recent relationship with a narc. i wasnt crazy!!! you are confirming so much. thank you!

[@kimlaura8663]

This helps me understand the crazy shit I think and sometimes do. I hate myself so much I never thought I may have some NPD tenencies

[@IamStreber]

I have tendency that shine through, look up CPTSd every one of us a narcissistic traits and one doesn’t have to be a narcissist to use them.

[@ktwhimsy6946]

Oh boy. My ex sincerely thought many of the people who were “rude” to him, did do because they are jealous of “his broad shoulders”… he’d go on & on about how intimidating his physique must be…

[@ultravioletpisces3666]

Lol

[@anthonyreyes2171]

😂

[@lolololololollol4793]

lmfaooo the delusion. my exes whole family would call constantly call people fat and ugly when they were all at least 50 to 100 pounds overweight.

[@superespiritual1553]

How can therapists support narcissists actually looking to get better without invalidating the people who deal with them and are being hurt by narcissistic abuse? What I mean is, how not to give victims false hope whilst also not invalidating the small percentage of narcissistic people who are actually doing therapy regularly and making an effort to get better? How not to dehumanise the narcissist without creating unrealistic expectations for people dealing with them? Thank you so much for your amazing, helpful videos.

[@Thenamelessnarcissist]

Thanks so much! And honestly, it's a question I've grappled with alot in making my videos... I personally believe that anyone who exhibits narcissistic behaviors but doesn't think they need help, and aren't suffering, doesn't have a mental disorder. They're just abusers at that point. If they are willing to enter treatment I think that's the only point mental illness should be considered tbh. I think anyone suffering abuse shouldn't be even considering the partner if that makes sense

[@fructosecornsyrup5759]

​@@Thenamelessnarcissist Huh. I've never actually looked at it that way, very interesting.

[@mindyl5990]

@@Thenamelessnarcissistsome mental health professionals will say most abusive people are narcissists. Honestly, I agree with them.

[@imrealrelevant]

I don't think a narcissist would do that unless they really wanted help.

[@aidene5513]

@@mindyl5990 that is a beautiful way to over look a lot. But you can have any opinion. Especially since you are no mental health professional😪😪

[@spiralcat6376]

The difference between jealousy and envy and how often people get that wrong drives me nuts for some reason. I know you already said this but I like to summarize it. Envy is about something you want that you don't have and jealousy is about something you have that you are afraid you will lose

[@Thenamelessnarcissist]

I know right?? Like it feels like everyone gets them confused. I even slip up sometimes hahaha

[@spiralcat6376]

@@Thenamelessnarcissist I do too which drives me the most nuts xD

[@jaredmello]

That is honestly the first time I heard the difference explained that way.

[@meilei8716]

I like this a lot. Thank you

[@back2nature608]

Envy is about something someone else has and you dont want THEM to have it!! You got it wrong yourself

[@gypsymonk8229]

You are making me to approach NPD from different angle. Definitely with more understanding and less intolerance. Nobody makes himself narcissist in perpouse , it's consequence of upside down world we live in. Everyone is screwed up in one way or another . Teaching self awareness is important, now you are on the good path, good for your Karma, keep on rocking and don't worry too much , you are not hurting anybody now , you are helping. 👍🙋‍♂️

[@sethstewart9704]

It's interesting you mentioned that you thought you were autistic. I recently discovered I am autistic, and most of my life I thought I might be a narcissist. Truth be told, your introspection has helped me to let that insecurity go. I think the similarity is the emotional disregulation, lack of eye contact, and the dulled relation to others. But mine feels like a pit, whereas yours you've described as a void. Thanks for sharing, this content is helpful.

[@danika9411]

An ex friend is probably narcissistic, but thinks he is autistic for the past few months. He can read people like a book though, but still started to think he might have ASD, because then ge gets a free pass for his behaviour 😅 He has to see himself as a good person. If he ever does something wrong he turnes it around and flips on you and makes you the bad person and himself "good" and the victim. There are multiple people with NPD in his family btw and none with ASD.

[@birdlover6842]

@@danika9411 I was dx npd, hpd then later on aspergers with mixed pd's. I wanted to have ASD for a hallway pass. Even though I clearly don't fit all the symptoms I would use it anyway. ASD and even bpd is more acceptable than npd, hpd. I didn't use bpd because I clearly don't have that one. So I would lie well sort of to myself. BTW no one has pd's nor ASD in my family. I am the lone purple sheep.

[@ChocolatexCherries3]

I was just going to say this! I have often wondered WTF is wrong with me and I often have gone worst case scenario but then i got dxed with autism and now im learning about these other disorders and im like oh no i dont think like this at all!!! intercommunity communication is so important

[@donnavickjones33]

I'm glad i found your videos . I was n a 4 yr toxic narcissistic relationship. I truly loved him & gave him tons of attention & praise. I had 2 leave to protect myself from the physical abuse. No contact for about 2 yrs. He just texted me, so these videos make me a little more tolerant to him. ( He still thinks it is my fault for 'abandoning him' & says he cried about me last night & needs some closure) I've studied narcissists for the last year, so i'm more aware now, & def hope to not get suckd by in to any more toxuc hell. (yes this time I did text back "u should know i really loved u, too ba d u couldn't comprehend that."..... yes I kno it's going 2 go in 1 ear & out the other, he will never believe it, i kno he just wants me around...i've heard most of his friends aren't around bc he drove them away 1 way or another. but appreciate your honesty, how long did it take u to realize u were NPD and about how long did therapy or whatever helped u to actually be able to admit all the things that u do so u can help others on here? just curious

[@kimlaura8663]

Thanks for opening up your inner landscape. This is good stuuf

[@spiralcat6376]

I never realized until recently the hating pity thing seems to be a thing all narcissists feel. I can't answer the question of why I hate pity so much

[@religiohominilupus5259]

Perhaps because pity is condescending (in addition to what Kfk Kfk listed)?

[@somethinggood9267]

It's probably because it makes you feel lower than the other person

[@Peruvian_Sky]

I do appreciate that you are helping people understand their experiences with narcissism in perhaps a more balanced way by offering insight into your own mind. One thing I don't understand though, is why narcissists would want to be praised for a false self. The praise, admiration and adoration is not actually of you then. My most recent ex molded himself into what i deemed the perfect partner, but of course he couldnt keep up the facade forever and his undesireable traits came through and it was shocking and scary to me to realize how much of a mask he had been wearing. That to me was rhe biggest problem because it meant our relationship had been built on a foundation of lies. Nothing healthy can come from that

[@anne-marie6098]

That was my realization two months ago about my covert narcissist ex-boyfriend. Just overnight he switched from a caring, loving humble individual into a callus cold heartless monster. 3 months into the relationship and he couldn’t keep up the mask. I’m not naïve and yeah I got caught up by the love bombing. It was a punch in the gut to understand that the person I fell in love with never existed.

[@josephmbimbi]

My pet theory is that it is indirect retribution. Just like any kind of virtue signalling, the virtue itself is valued by society / others the most, actions conforming to the virtue (compliance) is valued a little, bonus points if the intentions were aligned with the virtue, and extra points if it is done spontaneously, effortlessly, and in the "right" way. The goal is to rack up the most points, to get more of what you want and less of want you don't, out of others, and in life in general, it is perceived as a matter of survival, also as being in competition with others to grab these points, and my personal believe is that everybody plays this game, consciously or not, NPD or not. It is a status thing, it is not monetary The more genuinely you act, the more you gain energy and decrease stress, and the longer you can keep going, conversely the less genuinely, the more energy it costs, and stress increases.That's how the masks slips i believe, the energy level is depleted and/or the stress level went above a threshold for too long.

[@rongike]

my friend believes in the "fake it til you make it" mindset, so I guess they think if they try hard enough they will actually become that person

[@elizabelthe]

It’s kind of funny that you think strangers are judging you when in all actuality you’re the one judging them. Not “funny haha”, but funny :p I guess it could be more of the whole thinking people think like you. It seems like something like that is very instinctual

[@Thenamelessnarcissist]

Yeaaaah, lotta projection LOL thank you for the comment!

[@dogtrainingmexico]

Another terrific video, you are very articulate. Helps me greatly to understand some of my close friends... for some reason I tend to attract narcissist friends (but recently decided to drop a few of them - keeping 2 so I can focus on supporting them)

[@dogtrainingmexico]

One of these two is more like you, she hates pity and has a lot of anger... sometimes says she wants to punch someone (over things like parking disputes) but I think she never has punched anyone. She had an unspeakably horrendous childhood, so I have a sense of where her narcissism originated...

[@Thenamelessnarcissist]

Thanks so much! I'm glad it was a good video! And it's nice to hear you're trying to support those friends, very encouraging to me tbh just remember to put your needs first!

[@paulettelamontagne6992]

Articulate? He talks faster than a chipmunk runs everything together won't stop playing with his hair in his mouth I think that dude's tweaking

[@Lana.Lulu.]

​@paulettelamontagne6992 Did you ever stop and think that it must be extremely hard to admit the things he was admitting?? I would be distracting myself like that as well. Maybe try to be more understanding, other than project your assumptions on to the rest of the world!

[@staciacrick3373]

Maybe he is anxious because he is opening up and sharing very vulnerable thoughts and experiences.​@@paulettelamontagne6992

[@kary305]

Many live an undiagnosed life!

[@heather_malesson]

Thank you for this video it is incredibly helpful and insightful. It really helped me understand.

[@amyoung101]

“Self esteem juice” poignant. Thank you for that visual and clarity. Time to turn off the tap!

[@zedbody]

Huh, the bipolar misdiagnosis thing hadn't occurred to me before, but considering how an "expansive", "grandiose" self concept is a common part of mania, I wonder how I'd never connected those dots. I'm not NPD myself, but ASD/ADHD/CPTSD/possibly BP spectrum, and I've been noticing that a lot of the underlying brain stuff in NPD people sounds very fundamentally familiar. IMO, all of these things generally (definitely for me) have a common thread of inconsistency in experience of self, particularly in those of us with a strong tendency towards dissociation. ADHD+BP for example have periods (hypo/mania, hyperfixation, maybe autistic special interests too) where the person will adopt a Thing out of nowhere and sort of find their whole identity and sense of meaning in that - until it just disappears and means nothing to you anymore. Even people who have a stable sense of self outside of episodes still experience a big shift there. I find that I really do have a false self I've designed for interfacing with the world. I just don't have the same relationship with it, or need for it to be approved of (i guess, wording is hard rn) as people with NPD. My false self doesn't really need to get anything from people except to not reveal too much vulnerability or raise red flags to make people start trying to figure out more about me than I'm comfortable, if that makes sense. I don't think I get supply from others, how people feel about my "front" is just irrelevant to whatever "real me" is, because it's just like they're talking about someone else, it's irrelevant. Though to be fair actually... I know I am a primary source for someone in my life who is NPD, and I do get a lot of bizarre "self" esteem juice out of the feeling of becoming part of HIS sense of self (dangerous game though it is). So maybe that's a weird inside out version of the same essential thing lol? It's an interesting symbiosis

[@claudiofreedom8738]

This is fascinating. I can relate to many aspects of this although i think I might not fulfill the complete "pathology". Anyhow: extremely valuable content for me atm to dig into the shadows, cheers buddy!

[@TEAMHYBRID007]

I've watched several of your videos and I can actually see that you're going through the process of healing because you're actually showing emotion genuinely and not from a victim's standpoint. What I would have to help you with your journey is a lot of times you play with your hair and you play with your glasses and you're always worried about what people think of you. When you're doing these types of videos it might be beneficial for yourself to be genuine to yourself and others by probably putting a hat on and probably removing the glasses. It might be something similar to a girl twirling their hair or doing something very similar. I think you're on the right track I believe narcissist do you have the ability to help other people better than normal people can because they are able to spot subtle body language and they already know what's going on so sometimes you can be the knight in shining armor to help them figure it out but do it from a morally perspective type of intersection. The goal is to help somebody else not to help yourself, the result is by helping somebody else you made yourself feel better in the end that is the true path of healing I see potential in you

[@teresaz7152]

Jacob? Was there a time when you were little that you remember being "normal"? In that I mean fully functioning with the regular full range of emotions and feeling whole before life situations and abusive situations stacked up on you?

[@explorer0213]

NPD starts very young 6 months to 2 years if there is no genetics no NPD. So no they don't know fully but as years go by the NPD will know they act and think differently.

[@lucian5646]

I love that I found this channel. My ex broke up with me and a few hours after I found she cheated on me. This of course hurt me. I may have not understood what her personality was close to but I overall treated her with patience and kindness. I unfortunately always put her emotions before mine and was scared to put boundaries. I was gaslit a bunch and blame shifted. It’s only been a month but I’m not angry anymore. I am coming out of the fog. I understand why I can’t look at her romantically anymore out of respect for myself and the fact we’re not fit for dating. Since delving deep and trying to understand narcissism, I pray if she ever tries to contact me in the future she allows me to show her this material and gain value from it. I wish nothing but healing for everyone.

[@jenilynneful]

Amazing video. Thank you. My husband was diagnosed bipolar ten years ago and it never fit to either of us. After learning about his family history of trauma and abuse I recognized the cptsd symptoms, but ultimately I believe he has NPD. At the moment he seems open to working on abusive behaviors and himself and his effort shows, for now. It was the cycles of vulnerability and grandiosity that the clinician mistook for bipolar. Only by living with him and really observing him, asking him probing questions and kind of therapizing him did I connect all the dots. (And years of research) At this point I have not suggested to him npd, I have focused on his childhood reality and his cptsd because I wanted him first to see he was wounded at that his behaviors were his resiliency, that he was a perfect child and deserved better, and that so do we. He’s in a vulnerable state rn because I put my foot down hard a couple weeks ago, so he’s been willing to receive information. He doesn’t want therapy but isn’t outright opposed. He wants us to just continue our talks. I don’t want to be his therapist, but I don’t mind being his partner on the journey. I’m curious to see how he handles his new insights during grandiosity. Do you have any thoughts?

[@saintejeannedarc9460]

If he has NPD, don't things get pretty intolerable for you? He has to be willing to go to therapy though. If he got dx'd w/ BP, then he must have been open to therapy.

[@jenilynneful]

@@saintejeannedarc9460 he was ordered to therapy while in the military. He is iffy about therapy. And yeah, in fact today he's being a big jerk and is completely self consumed. Obnoxious

[@saintejeannedarc9460]

@@jenilynneful Sorry to hear that. It does sound like you're willing to do what it takes to work things out though.

[@abigailks1]

This speaks a lot to my journey, trying to figure out why my on again/off again ltbf acts and reacts the way he does. It's always been a rollercoaster. First, I thought he was bipolar, then CPTSD. Now I'm convinced he's a covert narcissist and probably mostly self-aware since he's been in therapy off and on for years. I was totally gaslit into thinking I was 50% of the problem in our relationship. I read so many self-help and relationship books trying to implement the communication techniques into our relationship to no avail. I started to feel like if I wanted a peaceful life with him, I would need to abandon everything that makes me me and just stay quiet. Then, I came upon a podcast on CPTSD, which led me to more on narcissism. I recognize a lot of the concepts my now ex says he's discussed in therapy as the same or similar to those concepts in the podcasts. Now I'm convinced that even though I have my own issues, like everyone, my 50% contribution to our problems mostly stems from a high tolerance for bullshit. In my case, since we're not married and not living together once I finally connected all the dots, I was able to go no contact after he took a reprieve from his latest months-long silent treatment. I understand he's still a person deserving of love and compassion, and when he's in therapy he's better. On the other hand, I'm not getting any younger. Life is already way too short, and for me, my mental health needs to take first priority over his mess.

[@saintejeannedarc9460]

@@abigailks1 If he's been in therapy for years and it's still mostly the same thing, you likely have to dip out for good. If he is NPD, he should have a dx by now, but he may be hiding himself or have a therapist that's not qualified to spot it. If you're still living separate all these years (not sure how many), it isn't a relationship that is progressing or likely to. I do see some people able to work it out w/ a narcissist, who is getting help. So no contact isn't the ultimate solution. They are all different levels and sometimes able to contribute to an actual relationship. They are also worthy of and needing love like us. We might not be the right people to give them taht.

[@mindyl5990]

How to spot, based on me with my husband - They can treat others well but they are different to you and their kids. Like a switch…nice and jolly on phone, then turn around and yell at wife/kids - blames everything on me or kids….nothing is his fault, including him misplacing something. Things also don’t naturally break. Someone must have done something to cause it. - Very judge mental and critical - everything is *MY*…my money, my house, my car, …. - quick to anger….everything makes them angry…always walking on egg shells around them - narcissistic rage….rage that seems beyond Human and if you believe in the devil or not…that is how I would describe narcissistic rage….the devil came out and that is my husband. - pretty much most narcissists are emotionally abusive - controlling - everything had to go how they want it to go or else….and in my marriage, someone chose the house we bought….wasn’t me. I was against it. Bed? Husband. Couch? Husband. Car? Husband. (And I hate our house and think he made a terrible decision to buy it considering his family lives with us! WAY TOO SMALL!!!!) And pretty sure he bought the new couch bcs one of our old ones had a small tear in it and he wanted to invite friends over. He denies it was bcs of that but I don’t believe him at all. He never even used the couch! - I was told how lucky I was when I got married..bcs my husband in their mind was this amazing guy. Even his own family doesn’t get to see the raging lunatic out of control brother/son they have. I sent my sil a video of his rage one. She asked me what I did to cause that. - Stance on LGBTQ is STRONG. Like beyond normal anti LGBTQ. Went to meet sons teacher first week of school, my husband only went with to look at the books and make sure their were no LGBTQ books - no empathy….my dad died and all my husband did was make like a complete hell for me…. - things don’t go his way he gets upset and has to fight. - they don’t want sex, at least not with you - nothing is team work. Kids? Woman’s job. Cleaning? Woman’s job. Cooking? Woman’s job. Never *our* job - they make assumptions extremely easily. One off lion means ….. Or ‘you were intentionally trying to p___ me off’ - this is a big one, but they have thoughts of revenge. You did anything even perceived as wrong to them, they will get their revenge. They might get revenge now…and in 2 months they might get revenge again. Revenge never leaves the mind. Revenge however does not exist in my mind. I can hate what he does but I don’t think of how to get revenge The list can go on. But I will also say my husband does recognize something is wrong with him. Right now he insists he has ADHD. I mention narcissism and there is absolutely no way. *I* am the narcissist. Not him. My husband…every time he is angry, he tends to block the cc, block internet on my phone, and sometimes blocks service on my phone. It drives me insane. So many more things I can say. - oh….and another common one….if they do you a favor, they won’t stop mentioning it. They will bring it up over and over and over again like you are forever in debt to them

[@theosaka69]

I am convinced now, that my daughter's father also has NPD, but he has been diagnosed with Bipolar disorder. His mother DEFINITELY is a narcissist and she FCKD him up. SMH

[@rebekahjette6304]

You are describing someone that I know. 💯

[@ultravioletpisces3666]

I have a question. Personally I think NPD is way more common than people claim. People are always saying that it’s rare and it’s wrong to think basically that the person you are dealing with a narcissist because it’s so rare. What are your thoughts on that? Thank you.

[@ohdwight]

i think it is more common too and many more women than experts tout .

[@georgiehughes4858]

I’m really interested in listening & learning about you… but your vulgar language destroys the opportunity. I’m wondering if you have an insecure reason for using vulgar language… BUT dear young man…. You’ll find many more folks will be drawn to you if you drop it.

[@Muck-qy2oo]

I also have narc traits. My father was one I believe and my mother to I feel.

[@spiralcat6376]

Those misdiagnoses make a lot of sense to me. Even my most grandiose X had a diagnosis of depression and was on depression medication

[@pauladuncanadams1750]

Excellent, thanks.

[@theblendedborderline]

Hi, pwBPD here and 100% know that thought/feeling or whatever that I'm going to be famous and I'm going to be wealthy and respected and all that stuff with no effort being put in. At least you started the KZbin channel that I have yet to do. Mine was going to be different in it's focus but I was still going to do one and then I didn't.... But I'm still going to definitely be famous ,right? 😬

[@Thenamelessnarcissist]

LOL I felt that, fucking sitting alone in my room like "ha yeah I'm so awesome I'll be a millionaire next year" meanwhile I'm literally a doordash driver with a small youtube channel lol these disorders can genuinely be hilarious sometimes

[@jinping-hz4wt]

​@@Thenamelessnarcissist 😅😅😅

[@explorer0213]

What is a door dash driver?

[@SK-wc3hs]

It's funny that from outside and someone who don't know you deeply would think because it seems so similiar that you have narccisism even thought that you have adhd.

[@whitedwarf29]

there is an easy way to describe NPD. People with this are like an egg hard and protective on the outside, soft and mushy on the inside. basically a psychopaths little brother. difference being is that a person with ASPD (phychopathic traits) is hard boiled hard on the inside and hard on the outside,. It may be hard to believe but you have the better diagnosis. If a therapist can get you to self regulate your validation process then most of the work is done (im thinking 60%), but with a psychopath they are adverse to change and you really can't do much with them, you may be able to try to get them to validate others ( feelings ) but in general change is a four letter word.

[@RatedArggg]

I've met dozens of narcissists, and they're all different from each other. I automatically distrust "experts" who start their sentences with, "The narcissist..." The narcissist does this, does that, thinks this, feels that. There's no such thing as THE narcissist. NOTE: Name-dropping doesn't make you look good. It makes you seem small, at least to me. When I meet a celebrity or important person, I feel pretty unimportant compared to them. I will always remember them, but they probably forgot about me two minutes later.

[@Thenamelessnarcissist]

Oh I agree, I shouldn't name drop and I try not to, I just got carried away cause people have been quoting him as a source and I wanted to address that. I'll be more conscientious in the future though. Fair take, thank you!

[@Tarotique]

Of course! They're all individuals with their own tastes/ likes/ stories/ uniqueness they do tend to act out their disorder in fairly stereotypical ways though...most people who are on the receiving end of narcissistic manipulation have very similar experiences.

[@amyoneelse]

A narcissist is always obsessed by their hair. They are so self conscious of that that is a dead giveaway

[@TheFirstManticore]

Kookie, Kookie? Lend me your comb.

[@salomeclaire7663]

Haha, so true! My ex narcissist had a hair transplant aged 26, and was obsessed with his hair, or lack thereof.

[@wb6266]

holy fuk. this is true

[@joannegillis6629]

Is this really a GOOD Tip ??!?

[@carmosin]

Unless they are bald.

[@aidene5513]

It is more than ok to look down on certain behaviors. Ppl can be so unnecessarily cruel and stupid to each other. Criticizing that, even if not in the most appropriate way is actually important. If ppl never get negative reactions they'll just keep doing it. And our opinion isn't even what matters, it's them feeling uncomfortable doing it. That's why they stop. If they get away with it for years we already know the 1 braincell arguments they'll use. Why me? Why know? I've always been doing it. And It's non of your business....... ......... I don't see why you should treat someone better than they treat their "environment"....... So there are many ppl to look down at.

[@JessCyph]

Great video. I’m actually interested in the fact that you’ve always had trouble sleeping and had bad dreams. My pwNPD also has trouble sleeping, but interestingly, he said he doesn’t dream at all. I wondered if that was true across the board, but doesn’t sound like it.

[@stormycraig6133]

My favorite video of yours I can see a lot of these in my husband.

[@Thenamelessnarcissist]

Thanks! I agree, the study was super interesting and covered the hurt AND suffering in the disorder. Best one I've ever read tbh

[@ivanstayner8818]

I believe you are a narcissit. But only because you have to adjust your hair every 5 seconds, and you cover your eyes with glasses because probably dont like how they look without them. I have ASPD, and I lOVE to toy with narcissist. Make them feel amazing, and then crush it. I LOVE to use Social Manipulation to toy with narcissists. Make them do something and tell them it will make them look AMAZING, when in reality it only makes them look terrible, and people see it, and they turn on the narcissist.

[@ultravioletpisces3666]

Weird

[@Ninabeana13]

I have absolutely been dealing with this for over a decade with my spouse and we have children. It’s definitely not fun protecting them from learning his behaviors but they most likely have picked up some. He’s discarded me for the last time, 5 times he’s moved out and it’s fucked with our finances and my psychological state. He’s not physical but has in the past blocked me or locked me out, took my keys or threw my phone. He’s not much of a yeller but stabs below the belt if I say any differing opinions or something he doesn’t like. I feel like I’m walking on land mines all day. When I’ve finally had enough I am the one who yells back I don’t insult or attack him but I plead with him to stop especially if the kids are in listening range. It’s so hard to deal with this, he has this fantasy he will be a famous musician and he totally projects this on me. He expected me to be this panty dropping guitar goddess when we met. I wish I had time to write music, I am too busy raising our children and taking care of the whole household responsibilities 100%. He complains that I never fulfill his needs but also that I am always unhappy with him. The truth is he pays half the bills with me and that’s basically it, and sometimes he’ll spend money on us. But that is all he feels he’s required to do. I can’t ask for help because he blows up and complains that nothing is every clean enough, I don’t make enough money and I should get a better job like him, my parenting skills aren’t up to par, I can never live up to his standards, even down to the body wash or food I buy, the way I clean, the items I own, the color of my hair, even the way I’ve paid our bills successfully for over a decade isn’t good enough. Everything he berates me with is something he hates in himself. His moods and decisions change so quickly and so often must be so exhausting. It’s absolutely so sad, I can’t imagine feeling that bad internally! I just hope he keeps his first appt back in therapy, he’s canceled it for 6 months now and I’ve required it for 3 years now! He went when I first told him it was a requirement for giving him a chance again, he canceled after a few visits. I had called to let his therapist know the behaviors he was displaying towards me because I overheard him once making up terrible lies about me to his therapist. As soon as anyone sees his BS or overhears the way he speaks to me, he discards them. He told his therapist he was doing great at work and with his band and didn’t need therapy anymore.

[@fructosecornsyrup5759]

Oh, honey... I am so sorry you have to put up with this. Honestly at this point, it's probably best just to cut your losses and leave for good. No contact, don't feed into it. The more you come back, the more affirmation he gets that treating you terribly is the way to keep you around. I know the prospect can be difficult, especially with kids around, but if you want to find them a good example, best remove the person making it worse. You can hope he realizes something is wrong and seeks help, however don't tie yourself up in it.

[@rayisrael6746]

Thanks for making this content. Thank you for the insight.

[@spiralcat6376]

Wait what is the difference between remorse and regret?

[@JeanetteDenman]

Can you as a. Narsasist without councillor cry properly watery tears. Like us empaths can and is the reason for the ma's. Can you feel joy properly or laugh a belly laugh. Properly without. Councillors. I can ferl sometimes and you are hurting is his true. My Jeanette denman ok. I need truthfully awnsrrs

[@paulettelamontagne6992]

I'm convinced my grandson's father is a malignant covert narcissist. He has no empathy he's cruel he's abusive my daughter is not in the picture I raise my grandson the first seven years of his life. This Man shows up he wants no game plan he wants to know slow inter adduction to his home he wants me to hand him over I said no I'm slapped with a subpoena within a five weeks the man literally said I appreciate all you've done but I want my son. My grandson ever met him was scared of him this man did not care. Florida has no grandparents rights after reintroductions only a year of parenting time he was given full custody and I have not been allowed to see my grandson in 3 years. He's horrible I beg I cry I apologize for what I don't know and he says nothing

[@lolololololollol4793]

im so sorry im praying he can come back to you💗

[@TheLololourdes]

Thanks for sharing! However, I had to look away because of the amount of times you touched your face and hair. That was so distracting and made me feel anxious. I was imagining how wonderful it would be if you didn’t do that. But other than this, what you shared here was extremely helpful, thank you.

[@rusty6415]

Easy look for the guy who wears shades indoors

[@cosmicmoonpie1857]

yes i absolutely love to see it! keep going 🙏😎🧡

[@cosmicmoonpie1857]

ok thank you for saying the stuff about the people on the street because i swear to god this is the most obvious thing to look for (from my numerous experiences) i do so many of these things 😂 i’m also trying to stop pretending to know what people are talking about lol

[@Thenamelessnarcissist]

Thank you!!

[@marymary1877]

Were you abused as a child?

[@_Beetcoin_]

Do you have a link to the study? I can't find it. Are you sure it is "Living with pathological narcissism: a *quantitative* study"? I did find however "Living with pathological narcissism: a *qualitative* study". Thank you for your very insightful content. It's even scary how well it describes some of my traits and behaviors.

[@Thenamelessnarcissist]

HAHA I must have dyslexia or something cause I definitely misread. That title makes a lot more sense now though… 😂 but the qualitative study is the correct one

[@ultravioletpisces3666]

@@Thenamelessnarcissistyou took that way better than I expected. Lol

[@TEAMHYBRID007]

Punching yourself in the leg when you're feeling shamed ultimately makes you feel physical pain rather than mental rumination you need to do practices to understand introspection that way you're not so triggered it is a form of therapy it's called exposure therapy do it for the right reasons and the right causes and you'll see the right results

[@paulettelamontagne6992]

Leave your hair alone

[@s.hicks7213]

I probably shouldn’t say this but…oh well. You have great hair. I love it 😎

[@ellevi295]

this is very brave of you, well done

[@baileymoran8585]

Ngl, I was hoping that you would be like ‘how to spot us… we’re just that awesome,’ as a joke, lol.

[@Sarit473]

Spot a narcissist is easy if you have been in contact with them for most of your life. First thing: the eyes..specific stare, eyebrowns etc..It's easy to spot them, people are not trained a lot to spot them IoI 🤣

[@JustKJ109]

Narcistic can be on ur team . But maybee selfish but still bless ur team.

[@Losochill]

Great video man! It is really eye opening!

[@richarddavis748]

The constant hair tweaking 😅

[@Jen-ln5hp]

You don't "go out of your way to do things for people" you deliberately create a sense of obligation in others. You leverage whatever it is you've done to help someone by either asking for a mile in return or constantly making them feel guilty for "all the things I have done for you" lol that's not going out of your way, it's called having ulterior motives

[@Chantills]

Absolutely love your awareness!

[@MonogoMango]

I guess I have to fucking watch this or remove it from watch later because I don't want to watch this today.

[@ThatBolMichaelDeBlasio]

YO, MY MAN? I have a SERIOUS question for you. Maybe you can talk about it a little bit, not just because it’s very interesting,but also because I think that it could really help a lot of people, especially people who live with a narcissist. So the question is, how the hell are you able to be so honest about your narcissism and your true thoughts, so well? I mean other narcissist don’t seem to be able to do that, ya know? And I’m sure that you probably keep a few of your thoughts to yourself and that’s normal, or it’s common at least. And yeah it’s possible that your not being fully honest, but I think that it’s very unlikely that your being dishonest, or that your faking the funk, or whatever. I mean obviously you’re saying many things about yourself that are usually hard for people to admit. Especially on camera for thousands of other people to see. So I think that you’re def being, at least for the most part, pretty damn honest. And I give you mad respect for that bro. Cuz it’s not a common thing at all. So in a very real way you really are special compared to most people. Just try to be humble about it, right? Don’t think of it as your better than anyone else, just think of it as, your good at something, or like you have a good skill, that you are better than most people at. It’s just a suggestion. But let me stop preaching already and get back to my point. Cuz nobody needs me to tell em what to do. And who the hell am I, right. So anyway, I think that I might know a Narcissist and I really just wanna help this person feel better about them self, but like, for real though! So how did you get to a place in your personal growth where you were able to be not only be honest with yourself, but also, honest with other people too? PLEASE SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON THIS!!!

[@michelemartins6188]

I loved your video, it was very clear, and help us how to deal with a person with narcissistic personality disorder

[@impatient1]

I love the way you say grandiosity, off with the haters heads 😂

[@Thenamelessnarcissist]

LOL thank you!! I think it sounds smoother anyways! hahaha

[@JS-oh4ee]

Thank you for your honest insight and sharing you vulnerabilities. I have one suggestion. Please don’t take this as a criticism but simply as a suggestion. If you could try not to use course words, especially the f-bomb. Otherwise, thank you again. I have several narcissists in my life and it can be really hard.

[@teresaz7152]

That was good info.❤

[@el_aleman]

how to spot a narcissist: work in the medical field, it’s full of them

[@ix-cacaoakasweetlibrasun3567]

I came here to diagnose my ex but find myself relating 😅😅😅😂👀🤔

[@dottyp137]

Can you put the research paper in the comments please. Thanks for the video ☺️

[@sanagul-origin5412]

+

[@Mom_Luvs_Tech]

This all sounds like the guy I dated. He is arrogantly religious.

[@ShellBell7]

Thank you. This is helpful.

[@arcoirissonhos9384]

obrigada, gratidão Jacob 🫵🏼🫶🏼

[@SayofRah]

This made so much more sense to me about why I fell off with a narcissist as an autistic person because I think we’re actually kind of balancing each other out with the narcissist can realize how genuine the autistic human is being about our thinking the narcissist rad as fuck.. I feel like we can kind of have a symbiotic relationship didn’t work out for me and I’m not planning on dating again. I’m good. I fell in love with somebody that couldn’t love themselves enough to be able to make it work … but that doesn’t change how I felt. Now, I guess I just wanna be an advocate for both narcissist and hyperverbal high masking autistics

[@sweet2sourr]

Are there any antisocials here? Can you spot a narcissist or borderline?

[@Thenamelessnarcissist]

Isobel Angeli is! She was talking about it in my last stream!

[@DosBear]

You actually come across as very insecure to me. I lost count of the number of times you readjusted your hair. I believe the disorder is being completely misreprented on many of the channels I have listened to as well. Best of luck moving forward. ack-o-laids is now you pronounce that word you have trouble with. Cheers

[@salomeclaire7663]

Wow, hair is adjusted 74 times during a 30 minute video!

[@mistiprice8648]

Ha I cried tears of frustration taking notes on this one. This is going to be a longer road to recovery than I thought 🥲 but it feels like I'll inadvertently become eternally apathetic if I don't start sorting my shit out now, so you're a great help. keep these videos coming 😂

[@incognito595]

I can now sniff out a narc 10 miles away. You know them right away, if you pay attention. You will never see any concern for anyone else..

[@NatashaBailey]

This is a particularly good video to watch for lists of behaviours that narcissists display - real life examples listed here.

[@peeweelickdoughal639]

It’s proven that you are feeling other peoples brain waves through their eyes when you make eye contact . Eye contact is a hard thing to do, especially in this world where everybody’s mind is chattering.

[@saintejeannedarc9460]

I think my ex of 10 years has NPD. He's admitted a lot of the traits himself before I looked into it. He left me devastated w/ last years of cheating and total disconnection. He kept admitting lack of empathy. He'd claim shame, but didn't show it. He was always hypersensitive to valid criticism and would excuse his "flaws", like laziness, lying, cheating and not working for years. He had no conscience about the cheating while he did it and would say he compartmentalize being out all night w/ her, then in church w/ me the next day. When he was working and someone offended him, he'd often outright say how he was smarter than them, how dare they etc. He didn't really put me down outright or go into devaluing rages. The devaluation was being ignored or giving me a dismissive look, while agreeing to do it (always later) when it came to doing necessary household things. Took huge effort to get help, which I thought was male/female dynamic at first. He would pop off at strange little things though.

[@transcendence8888]

I'm sorry I'm about to take your self-esteem juice, but affirmation means self (self esteem) regulation what you're talking about is validation, because validation is outside of ourselves and we allow it to temporarily raise our self-esteem. Validation does not permanently help our self-esteem because it is an external dialogue that we either choose to accept or deny. Affirmations are things we tell ourselves that we use to build our own esteem of self. In fact maybe if you do a ritual of daily affirmations, you may feel less of a need for external validation. Because no one is actually worthless, even if their actions say otherwise.❤

[@jakecrosby8737]

Jacob, I have a situation I want to explain to you and see if you can explain it for me.

[@spiralcat6376]

You are good looking, well-spoken, charismatic, and excellent at research. You have all of the skills of a KZbinr

[@ruaillebuaille3116]

Can you be a bit careful with the fluffing of the mask? I say that only because I think Nameless is trying to create a real space on this channel. On no other channel (outside of narcissist land) would people feel the need to tell the presenter that they're good looking and charismatic. He's absolutely a good researcher, which is helped by his intelligence, but that's something that's also largely innate. What he's good at is applying his natural skills to something that's helping him understand himself and express what he's learning to other people in a meaningful way. But intelligence and logic alone don't cut it, they need to be fed back to the emotions, and both parts learn to validate and allow for the other. That's the hard part. Those and any other skills he has or builds can be used in many other areas of his life that have nothing to do with being a KZbinr. Sorry for talking "about" you on your own channel Nameless! And I don't disagree with anything Spiral Cat has said. Just wanted to address the potential for a validation rabbit hole.

[@spiralcat6376]

@@ruaillebuaille3116 I wasn't fluffing. That was my honest opinion and I will not withdraw it

[@spiralcat6376]

@@ruaillebuaille3116 maybe you wouldn't compliment someone who is having insecurities about a new endeavor but I always would. Special treatment is not a thing I do. Furthermore in my opinion the mask is real. It is a part of the person even if it feels fake to the person

[@spiralcat6376]

@@ruaillebuaille3116 personally I think it's probably to do with your own trauma and narcissism that you think you know when to give validation and how much. I let my honest feelings about things be my guide you should try it

[@spiralcat6376]

@@ruaillebuaille3116 most importantly, you should try not feeling responsible for managing someone else's self-esteem because you are not

[@UrsulaZA]

I’m scared of breaking rules. Something inside me feels like the world is going to crash down if a rule is broken. I do think if you break laws set out for all, you’re less than.

[@TEAMHYBRID007]

And quote unquote talk to text sucks basically doing the right thing is doing the right thing for everybody else in the particular situation that you're in not to gain personal gain in that aspect I don't believe you would end up in a respected situation I could see the point of doing it from a self survival situation some people in the concentration camps gave away the last piece of bread in order to help other people. Some of those people that took everything and gave nothing to everybody else usually died. The people that actually helped sometimes made it out sometimes it didn't but you know what it's better to try and fail than not try at all

[@champagne.future5248]

Your insights are invaluable

[@N3-de2bq]

Thank you for sharing that.

[@JustKJ109]

I dont think we should judge for fixing there hair often. They did it all the time in those 50s movie's with grease

[@annetallegrand5656]

You trigger me😂 in a repulsive way! and I’m known to usually love ❤️ a cute narc.

[@JenVisualsASMR]

Can you make a video or denying a narc money or anything financially or saying no? Thank you

[@TheFirstManticore]

Actual diagnosis is the therapist's business. As for friends and family, we mainly have to deal with the behaviors.

[@Talentedtadpole]

The gulping is so annoying

[@sayusayme7729]

Thank you, very enlightening.

[@learnaslwithmusic2]

Learning a lot from your channel. I truly appreciate it.

[@AprilRagg-bv2ty]

I am in love with a narcissist. I had to break up with him a year ago because he was very unreflected and was breaking me piece by piece, but I still love him and probably always will. I understand he's coming from a hurt place. He is beautiful behind the mask he wears for the world. I always wonderd, because it sadly enough didn't work with him. Do you think you could let your guard down if someone took the time to understand you, get where your coming from and just love you unconditionaly - without fear, but with boldness told you that you where acting fucked up but that you are understood and loved?

[@maniaccatcrazed3584]

Hi Mama

[@VioletFallen]

I have been watching videos on npd but i hated how dehumanizing the content was to people suffering with this personality disorder,basically a big hate fest. I couldn't get the info i needed because i love someone who has this so im really glad to be able to hear facts without bias. I wish there was a cure because i can see him suffer and its rough to watch . Idk if he will watch but i forwarded a link of this to him.

[@lolololololollol4793]

i thought that too while watching other people talk about npd. it is most likely because they are people who have experienced it firsthand. however, i do believe its easy to have sympathy for him while he discusses his experiences and past actions calmly but in real life seeing him actually inflicting it onto other people is a different story. especially when they are violent or physically abusive. im conflicted because it isnt their fault and there is little to no treatment that will cure it. i wonder if it is tantamount to having sympathy for a psychopath.