How to save a loved one from game addiction | Matthias Dewilde | TEDxAntwerp

How to save a loved one from game addiction Matthias Dewilde overcame a long-lasting game addiction and co-founded GameChangers, a Belgian organization providing lectures, workshops, and therapy to help gamers and their families battle problematic game and tech use. Besides having spoken for the European Council and having been nominated for the Flemish Ministry of Media’s ‘Mediawijs’ Awards, he has also shared his story to over 25.000 children in schools, inspiring them to maintain healthy tech habits. He is the author of ‘Game Over’, which helps parents understand and tackle game addiction. Most of his proudest work however is with teenagers and adults struggling with game or tech addiction, whom he helps overcome underlying issues such as social anxiety, procrastination and escapism to help them create new, fulfilling lives free from addiction. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx

[@mariemadfitness]

4 things to help a loved one 1. Show genuine interest 2. Create screen free moments 3. Help them make progress in life outside of gaming 4. Set an example how to create a beautiful fulfilling life

[@rokljhui864]

'Screen free' moments ?. Enforce 2 hours maximum of internet per week. Ban smart-phones until age 18.

[@bibobrabo3402]

@@rokljhui864 are those restrictions even possible? Such a family should probably live in a forest.

[@valerieprice1745]

It's truly hopeless. As long as there's electricity, young people are doomed to an empty life. No wives or children. Nothing but work and game, work and game. They lose the ability to feel emotions. They have no desire for anything.

[@the_mirabela]

So be their mom? Great advice.

[@laviniacomisan]

Nope, doesn’t work.

[@ranguy1379]

I'm someone who grew up really addicted to video games, and now I'm trying to pick up the pieces. The hardest thing about stepping away from gaming is, as you said, they are really awesome. They are pieces of art, created by artists. But, I can't tolerate them because they are too disruptive in my life and I'm not a kid anymore. Yet, I feel a sense of pain when I think about all the amazing stories and experiences in games I've yet to play. I really feel a pain, as if parting ways with a really close friend. So I'm trying to figure out how to fit games into my life without destroying it. You seem to professionally help people like me, so you must have learned a lot about this problem. I hope you share your knowledge online, in more depth and detail. Most of the information online about this problem are not tested in practice enough. We need more people like you.

[@kagescar]

I got the same issue as you and I have come to a conclusion that there is no world where gaming is involved and I am successful, so I gave up and I have gone far in life I think but if I was still gaming I don't think I will be where I am right now

[@ranguy1379]

@@kagescar exactly. I've also finally stopped playing games. What I needed was to find something that was worth sacrificing gaming for. So I basically had to find a greater purpose. I think I'm done with gaming now. Glad you were able to do the same.

[@kagescar]

@@ranguy1379 I am really proud of you! Well done. it is not easy I wish that I could have gaming in my life in good moderation But I think I have an unhealthy relationship when it comes to gaming I think this is because when I was younger I was neglected a lot so I turned to gaming as a coping mechanism

[@ranguy1379]

@@kagescar interestingly, I was also neglected in my early childhood, although in my case I don't know if that was the reason why I got addicted to video games. Could be.

[@portman8909]

I still game, but sometimes we're just nerds. I picked up some board games, like risk and chess and now a couple days a week I play that with friends while we drink beers and talk about upcoming movies or stuff we've consumed. So I guess my point is, perhaps it's also just part of you and looking for more social similar activities like board gaming is maybe the best step up.

[@lisawillis3]

This is my 20 yr old son, addicted to the point he isn’t working or doing anything, doesn’t leave the house, doesn’t know what he wants to do, currently seeking outside help, hard stuff. I want to add that he is introverted, above average IQ and we suspected on the spectrum and highly creative. Let’s also add a pandemic in 2020 that interrupted junior and senior year.

[@tyiscut]

I’m 23 and am dealing with the same problems . Praying for us both 🙏🏽

[@Brihad740]

Same issue with my brother

[@adraf75]

I pray for you to overcome this. Just worry about my young kids who show signs of addiction 9, 12. God Bless

[@AnthonyHowland-mt5gz]

I was addicted to gaming but today i finally called it quits ive been 23 hrs sober from gaming i smashed my game disk and said bye bye games im proud of myself for stopping

[@HansMebius]

YES Good work! I hope my son do the same!

[@worldkho]

@@HansMebius how handsome is your son

[@Leopar525]

@@worldkhodont be a weirdo

[@Toomuchfakeinthisworld]

My husband is addicted to gaming and I suffer silently… just had a fight tonight… as I don’t bring it up alot because it causes him to victimize himself and tell me I’m the bad person… I can’t do this anymore.

[@amiraauthenticallyherself]

Im going through the same thing except it is a friend of 8 years. However, his behavior and the way he interacts with me and my twin is straining the friendship severely.

[@evilminionnumber2]

I feel you. I'm struggling with my own husband. We used to be close, we used to hang out and have fun together and play games together. But then, we got married and he got distant. And now he disappears into one player videogames and I make sure all the shores happen and everything else gets taken care of. I wonder how I can stop being seen as Mommy 2.0 and start being a partner again.

[@niemand7811]

Your husband is addicted to gaming? Maybe your relationship is not what it is supposed to be? Maybe he has no interest in you but knows the social struggle he will face when he divorces you? Maybe you are a boring person to be aound with and that is why he prefers to play video games? Just go away and leave him alone.

[@evilminionnumber2]

​@@niemand7811 Escapism is fun, but reality's eventuality going to happen whither you want it to it not. And the reality of a gaming addiction is you're going to ruin your social life, fall behind on your real world obligations and going to get a divorce if you don't find a solution you and that person you signed a contract with agree on. And the social consequences are going to hurt even more than a basic divorce if you leave your daughter at school for three hours because you were in the middle of a heated match or spent all of your savings on trying to get the right anime girl pixels.

[@chaatkedekh]

@@niemand7811 Whatt kind of bit*ch you are? Someone might be struggling with an addiction and you are just randomly targeting ppl personally. Hope you are living alone otherwise i pity ppl nearby you.

[@chunkEcheez]

Excellent talk. He is a great speaker - concise and incisive. I felt hauntingly like he was describing my own life and persona. Anything can be addictive, and the underlying process is universal. I have been addicted to substances and also to video games and the thoughts and feelings were indistinguishable between the two. I hope this talk gives people some succour.

[@carolinet7969]

Thank you so much. So much suffering caused to the person and everyone in the person's life. I will circulate this video in the hope that it makes its way to the people who really need this.

[@jaydub7386]

When my partner comes home from work, he spends most of his time playing Toon Blast on his phone. We don't talk or do anything anymore. He comes home. I make dinner, we eat, and we go to bed. I love him but I’m thinking of getting a divorce.

[@tyiscut]

Please talk to him and try and seek help for his addiction

[@FernandoLXIX]

Lol. Getting divorced because of a Toon Blast addiction is so damn ludicrous

[@MatthewFrattali]

Brilliant. Thank you.

[@jamesrademacher7873]

Very accurate depiction of my struggle

[@tyiscut]

Look at your beautiful family you have man . I’m a random stranger am proud of you . Wish I can someday have my own family 😢

[@Mizenga]

that just happened to me. I took me about a minute of no internet to start doing something productive instead of procrastinating.

[@fereshteha8501]

Great talk 👍👍👍

[@deeptanudey6631]

Totally agree 👍🏻

[@portman8909]

*Power goes out* proceeds to grab the board games.

[@wilcodenbrok8034]

I do agree with the approach. I am wondering tho, because sometimes smoking a cigarette does not work, as soon enough you will do it fulltime again. Isn’t going cold turkey the better method?

[@MatthiasDewilde]

Hi Wilco. It depends on how long this behavior has been problematic or an addiction for this person. For someone who is still young and where it's not yet an addiction or it's only in the early stages, a lot is still possible to learn how to moderate their gaming / screentime behavior, especially with a little help from the outside (parents / friends / counselors...). However, if it's been going on for many, many years and the person is older (20+) then trying to moderate can indeed be very hard. In such a case a period of quitting gaming altogether ('going cold turkey') can be very helpful. Even if for just a while, to at least break the negative habit loops and 'reset' the brain, so to speak. As well as to give oneself sufficient time to create new and healthier habits. Going cold turkey can be very intimidating though and hard to maintain. Compared to smoking, for many gaming and other screentime becomes something they do to fill most of their free time / day. To then suddenly stop and be left with an immense void and nothing to do is ... challenging to say the least. Willpower is not infinite, after all. Which why I still recommend the moderation approach first and most importantly to focus on improving their life outside of gaming, taking small steps every week.

[@GaryPrattLevel33Aged]

Being outside help

[@ashleyneiswk8384]

I was a good student and did everything properly until i knew abt a game called krunker...i rlly wanted to play it more and more and it gave me more happiness because u get to buy skins relics and lots of things,....this game used to come in my dream and also distracted my mind...im right now 11 yrs old i thought to take a decision to stop playin that game but it rlly hard as its......its was rlly easy for me to get used and addicted to the game but its rlly hard to get out of that game.......so i started askin few questions....for whom im playin this game ? but my minds gave a common reason that to make me happy but then i thought what will happen if i stop playin this game krunker so then i controlled myself and stopped playin krunker it was rlly hard but u need just controll a little and u will get out of addiction,..................trust me

[@the_mirabela]

Trying to get my S.O. to see that OSRS has completely taken him out of our relationship. Always waiting on a raid to finish, always spending my time alone, always wishing I could have a real conversation that didn’t have anything to do with people we’ll never meet and these cloaks and swords that he’ll never touch irl. Nothing feels genuine anymore when he’s thinking about the next time he can get on Runescape… Also the fact that it’s now playable on the phone? Falls asleep with it on his chest while it’s still playing... I’ll take any advice, thank you

[@in4doggoss446]

Having to wait for raids was a huge factor in me breaking up with my ex. I’d spend hours cooking a 3 course dinner and he’d sit there in silence and raid. I couldn’t take the disrespect

[@aishailyasvannieuwenhuizen]

I'm in the same boat as you. We've been married for a year and I feel I'm sinking in to sadness and loneliness. I've attempted speaking to him about the impact on our relationship and just on his own growth. We've seen marriage counsellors. It's really hard because I feel exhausted of voicing my opinion. So I'm going to get family involved and need to explore my options.

[@cubiczirconia209]

Osrs is based hard to get away sorry about that

[@the_mirabela]

@@cubiczirconia209 It’s the way it’s programmed… Jagex knows what they’re doing

[@krishnendu_69]

I addicted to a particular game called pimd.. I can't keep me from checking it in every 10 minutes when I'm home .. if someone hire my tutors in that game my heartbeat increases my hands began to shake until they stop it.. I can't keep my mind from thinking about it... I really want to stop this addiction 🤧

[@tyiscut]

You have to delete the accounts and game if you want to stop truly

[@skraaaaz]

I don't know any better. Been playing since 4 years old. My parents were into gaming alot so i was into it aswell. i grew up staring at a screen while the reality around me kept on going. Even when my whole family came over for a birthday party i wasn't interacting with anyone and when they interacted with me it was in this looked down upon way that made me angry with them and ignore them even more. i almost failed school because i didn't care about my life back then. My situation got worse and worse but still i was just playing games while starving and unemployed. i tried to work but that meant i only had like 4 hours a day to play games if i ignored all of my surroundings. At work i was anxious everyday untill it got unbareable and had to stop. i'm 33 years old now put away in this small apartment and i can't just start a new game in life. i can't go back all i can do is go forward and guess what i'll be doing. Gaming to escape reality because i can't fix reality anymore.

[@tyiscut]

Your ONLY 33 you still have time . Please try and quit this addiction to give your self a better chance at a better life . Worst thing worst you can always redownload the games . I’m rooting for you . (I also deal with this addiction) deleted all my gaming accounts today’s

[@sunshinedayz2172]

I believe in you to make it in life. Please don't give up on yourself. At least give yourself a chance to try. Your life is worth finding out how successful you can be.💕👍🙏

[@RayMak]

Games really destroy lives and relationship

[@rainy.d7404]

He did not mention world of warcraft, whhhhat? 🙄😬

[@jodyyoutube7463]

Does it really matter? Think about it.

[@rainy.d7404]

@@jodyyoutube7463 i was joking ...get a sense of humour 😆🤣

[@leoyang8035]

I also think game is not the root cause of the problem. I was addicted to videos games when I was a kid. Then my parent sent me to a boarding school which doesn’t have any screens. But then I was addicted to some other things.

[@GregtheGrey6969]

It's a addiction to being distracted. The core of all addiction.

[@tyiscut]

@@GregtheGrey6969never thought of it like that before

[@GregtheGrey6969]

@tyiscut hope my knowledge sets you free brother.

[@Jolgarz]

@@GregtheGrey6969yesssssss that can be adhd? I mean i see comments about people feeling disrespected and alone, but i think this addictions ocurr mostly because we cannot connect with other people? For example i have been addicted to exercise, youtube, videogames, substances (briefly), and in school teachers often felt angry with me because i rather spent my time drawing than paying attention,because when i do, i feel really sleepy, cannot sustain a relationship because there is always some novelty that catch my attention more than people 😅, I mean I dont think i hate them, but i don’t feel comfortable revolving around other people’s needs. That is why i rather be a freelancer and loner, i have experienced something similar and i loved it, so couldn’t it be that as bad as it sounds, some people just don’t want company, just money and games to feel happy? I feel that for sustaining relationships there are too many tough steps to do for the rest of my life, and i don’t like that idea.

[@luluzyz1116]

It's all or nothing for me, I am applying to graduat school. So I have to stop gaming altogether for a year. Hopefully I will get accepeted. Then I can play game for 2-3 months before graduate school. That's my plan.

[@tyiscut]

U r pretty hope it all worked out

[@pgiulan]

What does he mean by signs of being gifted? 7:15

[@MatthiasDewilde]

Hi Paul, I'm talking here about people with (highly) above average intelligence. They sometimes lack challenge in school or at home which makes video games (of which many can provide many challenges) more appealing.

[@DIGVIJAY.SINGH.]

@@MatthiasDewilde agree indeed 🤗🙂

[@lovealways7625]

​​@@MatthiasDewilde thank you. I believe my 10 y/o has a gaming disorder, although I'd say still in the early stages. Everything you say here is so helpful, and I'll definitely try your recommendations. Thank you !

[@worldkho]

speedrunners tend to be low functioning autists

[@lilymackay5742]

My fiance is addicted to VG. Its destroying our relationship and Im trying to save it ...

[@fapstronaut3671]

What is VG?

[@plutoplatters]

@@fapstronaut3671 " video games" ?? just maybe

[@lindaob2447]

I feel you my husband spend more that 700 monthly i don't know what to do

[@marielaveau5321]

My husband is almost 58 years old and addicted. It's awful, 6 to 9 hours a day. Lies, sneaks around, even plays at work. It's heartbreaking and infuriating. 🤬

[@happyflower9359]

My husband is so addicted to his game. He has spent upwards of $100,000 on it! It comes before everything and he really doesn't see it. It is so difficult to watch someone you love let themselves become so consumed by a fake world. Not to mention the pain as their partner feels, praying that things will change.

[@lisaotruba8974]

I am trying to save my marriage from gaming and when he plays Spades and they cheat the players on him or he loses he takes it out on me so this is destroying my marriage!!!! Help please!!!!!

[@ermelinda2223]

I think you should reach out to somebody about this. Maybe someone who can give you good relationships advice.. but other than that I don’t think anyone else on here can help you. Sorry you’re going through this.

[@reedannielle6521]

How do you enforce heslthy barriers when your partner gets defensive 😮‍💨

[@Papiliodani]

Didn't see the screen at first, thought this was Otzdarva lol

[@GregtheGrey6969]

Clash of clans...10 years, 3 accounts.

[@tyiscut]

Duck bro I’ve been there too that game is badd.

[@GregtheGrey6969]

@tyiscut I'm still leader of a dying clan. The game has been dying for years. The big players (whales) like me refuse to spend money.

[@Gold13sWRLD]

I am in this and I don’t like it 😭

[@alphatitanoid]

👀

[@yolandagrabowski6043]

Games are good for aiding against alzeimers. But, I'm tired of blowing my day when I had enthusiasm to do something else.

[@tyiscut]

Same . Let’s kick this for good bro 👍🏽

[@yolandagrabowski6043]

@@tyiscut Sugar causes relapse.

[@deepakadivasi3233]

Hii

[@BarryCooperNeverGetBusted]

Geeze man. Ten minutes in and you basically said nothing.

[@mikest2851]

Get a mac😂

[@plutoplatters]

Growing up < a huge way to stop

[@tyiscut]

Heard you

[@worldkho]

give me a gf and i will never game again

[@BarryCooperNeverGetBusted]

Get off the games and find a gf.

[@worldkho]

@@BarryCooperNeverGetBusted you mog me its not as easy for me as it is for you

[@BarryCooperNeverGetBusted]

@@worldkho Why look for easy? Things that matter in life are difficult. Are you unable to do difficult things?

[@user-ru5jl9mq2s]

L video

[@kway5169]

Video games aren’t addicting, it’s you that makes them addicting

[@kagescar]

Video game producers hire psychologists and trained professionals to keep the audience hooked on

[@niemand7811]

@@kagescar That's a myth. There is no gaming addiction no matter how loud the choire sings about it. People who claim to be addicted to games often times hide some real problems they then just hide behind something else once they gave up gaming.

[@kagescar]

@niemand7811 yea ofcourse I agree but that is what addiction is, it's a symptom of a bigger thing that is going on, gaming can sometimes just be a form escapism, but also if you think about it from the perspective of the gaming companies to have you hooked you will play more, so I don't agree that it is a myth

[@fereshteha8501]

​@@niemand7811nonsense

[@tyiscut]

You can get addicted to anything buddy . So yes it’s real I’ve dealt with it .

[@Mizenga]

that just happened to me. I took me about a minute of no internet to start doing something productive instead of procrastinating.

[@voiceofomiej7722]

You lie

[@Mizenga]

that just happened to me. I took me about a minute of no internet to start doing something productive instead of procrastinating.