How to say NO to an emotionally needy friend when you feel drained?

[@danphilhill254]

This literally is what's happening to me. My friend is too needy and clingy and she depends on me a lot. I have problems of my own, I can't always deal with her problems and her calls.

[@littlewoo]

Hope you found something helpful in my video to support you in setting loving yet firm boundaries with your friend... I know it's hard to do that when someone is "depending" on you but you have a lot of stuff of your own to deal with...

[@brookewilson3126]

Do we have the same friend? 😋

[@avantiiresha6687]

My “friend” is even worst … she would call 3 times every freaking day and when you talk to her , she is answering her office emails , checking social media and keep putting you on hold because she is getting another call from work .. I have tried to answer as less as possible , do not answer her straight away but rather call back after a while, hang up quickly , do the same like answering my emails while she is talking and all .. but she still doesn’t get any hint ..

[@onecoolcat2478]

It's not my job - nor was I placed on this earth - to the be every person's savior

[@1c2h3e4u5n6g]

Anyone who doesn’t accept your clear boundaries, is not worth having around

[@iairarea]

I feel it's healthy to support my friends by being there when they are going through tough times...However, when it becomes an ongoing deep emotional complaining problem is where I have put the brakes. Instead of me investing so much time figuring out solutions for them and fixing it for them, I now validate their feelings and I suggest them to find a professional or someone with more experience than myself. If they don't have the money or don't want to , I suggest they be proactive and research the internet/youtube videos related to their issues. This is how I can support them and my own wellbeing.

[@sharxxii]

I helped my friend through a really dark time but its like I never stopped helping her. I'm going through things and she does not consider how I feel. She dumps baggage on me even when its something she needs to solve on her own. Thanks for this video. I felt a bit trapped.

[@littlewoo]

Thanks for commenting and sharing about your personal experience. I hope you found a way to set some boundaries and not feel so trapped by their constant need for your help... Wishing you well! xox

[@stephaniewalsh9685]

So sorry to hear that, I'm going through the exact same and it's constant calls every day and making me out to be a crap friend when I need space to sort my own issues, you can't give what you haven't got, what did you end up doing? Hope you're ok 😊

[@sharxxii]

@@stephaniewalsh9685 honestly I acted a little distant because she wouldn't stop then I finally talked to her. I explained that I had things going on and set boundaries. I set space between us by encouraging her that she'd do great things on her own (so she wouldn't need my help anymore) and she knew I was a little stressed so she backed off. Now things are great we open up to each other but there's boundaries. We're both very appreciative of each other and our friendship. Srry to hear that but do what you feel you need to do. Whether its setting boundaries or asking for space or just opening up. Hope it works out for you whatever you end up doing: )

[@valichkanyc]

Same. IMy there for a depressed friend. He's not there for me. He's depressed now bc he has a wife but also wants a gf. It's narcissistic at this point. I cannot keep hearing him cry over not having a gf while he has a wife.

[@Morguepie]

Thank you so much for this. I knew something was feeling off lately with this new friend, and I simply cannot cater to her needs and codependent nature when I can barely keep myself afloat. I needed to hear this because I love helping people and lending an ear when they need one, but I am not a personal caretaker or an alternative to counseling/therapy, and that’s what this person is expecting out of me and everyone else around them.

[@littlewoo]

My heart goes out to you and your new friend as you navigate this situation with 2 layers of compassion: compassion for them and compassion for your own needs. The more that we are fully afloat and grounded, the easier it is to provide the kind of help that doesn't drain us and that is actually best for them. Often, when someone is in survival mode, they are grasping desperately for something and it's not necessarily what is the best thing for them. It's often a short-term crutch or solution. Deep down, what they seek is the path to become self-empowered and whole again. So we must navigate with a deep faith in their higher needs and use our own inner guidance to show us ways to help that don't drain us. Or when we ourselves are in a bit of survival mode, we can focus on our primary duty first - to get grounded again so that we make the best decisions for all concerned... I invite you to visit my website littlewoo.org for more resources about self-empowerment! Waves of love to you! xox

[@jrudymorganclark2072]

Don't help or try to help nobody let them suffer don't show mercy or compassion for them especially for those needy people.

[@tarotlondon]

OMG thanks, I always attract these people into my life as I am a nurturer but then this also means you enable their bad behaviour and I need to learn how to create stronger boundaries!

[@littlewoo]

You're so welcome! Yes indeed - being nurturing and compassionate are life-affirming for all concerned when healthy boundaries exist! It's one of the great teachings for anyone who has strong empathy and desire to help or care for others... Love from Canada!!

[@bhadrakadabra]

I'm very tired atm, of any kind of interaction at all. I used to post a lot of stuff online, but i stopped and now my inbox is spammed with people asking me if I'm alright. I made the mistake of telling one person i need some space, and they started calling me up over and over. I understood it came from a good place, but i just wanted to stop being the entertainer or the 'reliable friend'. There are more oblivious people coming to me for 'help', basically so i can reaffirm what they already know. I'm tired

[@littlewoo]

Yes, communicating that you are tired and unable to offer the usual help is absolutely fair. I really hope you'll take significant time and space to replenish yourself! Also, you may want to contemplate why certain situations or relationship dynamics are draining you. Maybe some old wounds or beliefs are connected to these situations? This kind of burnout or fatigue is often a signal from your spirit to move into a new way of relating or interacting. In many cases, the helper/entertainer/rescuer feels the burden of other people's pain and end up unconsciously taking some responsibility for their wellness even though it's not their duty. This expectation is actually draining to both parties because the person needing help will feel co-dependent, helpless/scared of abandonment and even resentful if they are denied help from someone they've come to expect it from. (In reality, they've given away their power to someone else so it feels terrible but most are unaware of this dynamic so will blame others for failing them) Meanwhile, the helper will feel resentful as well for the burden of these expectations yet unconsciously, they have accepted them on some level. Thankfully, it only takes one person to end the dynamic and if you can realize this without feeling resentment but see the dynamic with compassion, you will find it easier to end these patterns over time and you'll discover new ways to express your light. There are many ways to help/entertain/support others that are not draining and it will come from your joyful expression rather than an expectation that traps both sides... Hope this is helpful to you as you move through this healing process. xox

[@dania8005]

@@littlewoo I really like this response. I was wondering (if you had the capacity), could you expand on how one person can end this dynamic (and help without draining oneself)? Is this a matter of the mind only (thinking it's draining)?

[@littlewoo]

@@dania8005 Hi there! There is a mental component to relationship dynamics so it helps to consider where the drain is coming from. For example: It can be an underlying belief about "being responsible for someone else's well-being, safety or happiness". That belief is draining because it is impossible to carry the burden for someone else's life in our hands; it is unhealthy and unsustainable. If the drain is from the way that we are trying to help, we can consider ways that are more uplifting and sustainable. But if the drain is from our own unhappiness and struggles, then we can focus on healing our wounds and doing some personal growth work. When we are living in alignment with our values, needs and purpose, we have much more energy and resources to help others in ways that do not drain us! When we are healthy and happy, we have more capacity to help our friends, family and community. Of course, I can only speak generally on KZbin comments since I would need to work with someone directly to know where their specific energy drains are coming from. (For direct help, I offer private sessions and group work - you can email me through my website littlewoo.org) xox

[@bhadrakadabra]

@@littlewoo the thing is i do enjoy lending an ear to people's problems. But people seem to immediately assign me as a personal therapist any time they have any issue, small or big. Which means most conversation always revolves around their life. Even yesterday i was too burned out to reply to one text so i didn't respond, so i got a call in the middle of the night. I was too worried, so i texted them back only for them to ignore it. Sigh

[@littlewoo]

@@bhadrakadabra Yes, it is a learning curve to figure out how we wish to show up for others. If you can, try to track the kinds of conversations and situations that tend to drain you and which ones you actually enjoy. Then make a list of personal guidelines to help you decide whether you want to get involved or not. It's an art AND a science so those guidelines are not etched in stone. However, it is helpful to have a set of warning signs listed and a set of your own boundaries more clearly defined. Once you figure it out, then you can give your time, energy and compassion without feeling used or burned out. xox

[@kenritch3941]

The Quarantine has a lot of needy people calling me. I had to limit the calls down to a few to almost none....

[@littlewoo]

Sending you love as we continue moving through this covid-era... Many teachings to be experienced from the challenges and opportunities for growth!

[@pallasade1807]

This is the same exact theory I told me partner about a mutual friend we have who is draining us. Glad I got some validation on that. You're amazing :)

[@littlewoo]

Glad that you felt validated on this shared understanding! Thank you so much for your thoughtful feedback Piper!

[@emmac7880]

I have my close friend since 3 years old (I'm 40 now) her marriage has broke up, she has a severe disability, her children have been taken away......I've been her main carer and support for the last year and I can't breath anymore. I feel awful taking a step back but I just don't have a choice anymore. It got too the point a few days ago where my anxiety was through the roof. I kept thinking (and still do but working on it) that if I don't do everything for her than who will? Might take a while till the guilt and anxiety starts too lift but it will. My body and mind is telling me too start looking after myself x

[@littlewoo]

Hi Emma, I'm glad you are listening to your body/mind and will start looking after yourself! In this video, I talk about how often people feel they must do everything for their friend because this friend doesn't seem to have anyone else in their life. Maybe they truly believe you are the only person who can help but it's not true. I feel for your friend in the midst of their suffering but it's unhealthy to focus completely on you as their main source of care/support. There are more avenues of help out there. It's unreasonable to give the responsibility for their survival to you. Even though you can offer some love/support as a close friend, I agree that your own anxiety/health need immediate attention so it's right to take a step back. Much love from Canada...xox

[@user-cl6uj5bn2f]

Love the drowning analogy, I could relate so much to everything you said and I feel so vaildated in my current situation. Thank you!

[@littlewoo]

Thank you M.B. for leaving me a comment - I'm glad you resonated with the analogy and felt validated! May you find the way in the situation with clarity and self-compassion...

[@joshuamckillop5806]

You're gorgeous your style is so so unique and I love it.

[@bubblegumloading__________7817]

Thank you 🙏 really appreciated the drowning analogy- my friend is going thru rough breakup and her emotional outbursts drain me and she needs place to stay. I am letting her stay soon but I get so drained and she is so needy and I need my space. She says I should tell her when I need my space to leave me alone but it feels like a task to constantly keep her at bay. She is really good sweet friend in the past but really intense and her outbursts are triggering from my childhood trauma but she’s going through such rough time. Career wise she wants to do projects with me as well which I do as well but I am in constant inner conflict of my self care gut keeping head above water and being a decent person and friend. It’s been stressing me out all summer and ruined my bday worrying about her wellbeing. I really appreciate your words and support. I guess i just feel put on spot and feel horrible to set boundaries during one of the most difficult times of her life. she is so intense and obsessive regularly but rn it’s overwhelming. Bc she’s so intense I adopt a easy going attitude to please her control freak nature. I think she was coddled too much as kid, I was not and grew up in abusive home. I become a welcome mat. Any advice for when she stays as a guest? I can’t throw her out on street because she’s out of work from covid as well. Just a lot of pressure on me in all aspects. I have to be good friend constantly goes through my head bc she is good person and most supportive to me in my darkest times. But I feel like I have to be careful around her not t give her too much. Thank you I love your hair and calm advice ❤️

[@littlewoo]

Hi dear one! I appreciate that you care about your friend and hope some of the following thoughts will help you and others who are reading this. Since you have decided to help by inviting them into your home (your sanctuary), I highly recommend that you pre-negotiate some things before they move in. Once someone moves in, it can be difficult to shift or make changes - especially if you have difficulties communicating your needs from the onset! Some items to negotiate: 1) House rules or guidelines. Everyone has different needs, standards and expectations so you as the host have a right to set those guidelines for your comfort. They, as your guest, can also share their needs yet you must respond honestly about your ability to meet those needs or not. Ensure they know that you have the right to end the arrangement if they don't honor the agreements. (note: It is possible to communicate this without animosity or bad feelings!) 2) Phases: If you can, negotiate a phase 1 stage of living together that has a specific duration (e.g. 2 weeks) so you can see how things are going in that phase. Are they honoring their agreements with you? At the end of that phase, discuss how things are going, make adjustments or re-assess whether you are willing to continue to Phase 2. 3) Specific timeline for staying: Aside from "phases", you may wish to set a more definite end time for this arrangement. e.g. 1 or 2 months. etc. Consider your authentic capacity - how long can you truly honor this living situation while maintaining your own mental and emotional health? You can decide at the end of the timeline to extend the living situation if it is going really well or you can request that she move out, having honored your generous gift already. 4) House meetings: Decide how often you need to have a meeting to discuss home-related things. This can be done in a fun way (e.g. over shared dinner together etc) but having an official time/space for this is very beneficial. All of these practices are tangible ways to practice communication and boundary setting. At first, your friend may resist or feel strange or even feel offended, but you must have guidelines for this living situation or you will end up drained or stuck in an unpleasant dynamic. Lastly, listen to the video again, to anchor the fact that you are NOT their only source of wellness, safety and support (even if they believe you are). That is a false belief that doesn't serve their creative power nor yours. You are a good person who clearly is willing to help when you have the energy/resources YET you are still a good person even if you set clear boundaries around how you are able to help this friend, at this time in your life. It is not true and it is not healthy (for either of you) to believe that you are their end-all and be-all, even if they believe it right now due to their circumstances. Wishing you much growth and empowerment from this experience... With love, xox little woo

[@bubblegumloading__________7817]

little woo Wow, thank you so, so much! You went above and beyond to answer and validate my situation. I will continue to rewatch this video many times. Going to try my best to find out my needs and vocalize them and be strong and stand my ground. You are so kind to offer such in depth advice to a stranger online and truly made me feel heard and better 💙💙💙 bless you little woo! ps: your animated intro is so cool! I am going recommend your channel to my sisters and my friends you have truly biggest heart 💙💙💙much love to you! Xoxox, v

[@littlewoo]

@@bubblegumloading__________7817 You're so welcome and thank you for your beautiful follow-up message! I wish you many blessings as you practice self-love, boundaries and clear communication while also offering love, care and support to your friend! xoxo

[@bubblegumloading__________7817]

little woo awww ❤️❤️❤️ thank you so much! Genuinely your advice and knowledge really made me feel better! All the best health and spirit to you kind soul and new friend! 💙💙🦋🦋

[@annabelsmart5305]

Wonderful invocation. I pray that more people like you, Little Woo, come into my life and that I might be a great friend to all those who into whose lives I arrive :)

[@alaysiakayebutler6299]

Broken record works with boundary pushing, as the original response was concise and perfect, just repeat it one more time. They think that they can sway you to their favor, when they dont take your clear boundary/response seriously.

[@katec9893]

I've watched a lot of videos on this topic and this is the best - clear, wise, compassionate and insightful.

[@littlewoo]

Thank you so much for tuning in and taking time to share such generous feedback! I really appreciate it Kate and so glad you enjoyed the video!!

[@katec9893]

​@@littlewoo No problem. I was feeling a bit frustrated after watching several videos about this that weren't helpful then I found yours. I hope you're continuing to share your light and wisdom with the world.

[@littlewoo]

@@katec9893 Oh I am touched by your very kind comment! I've been busy working with my local community but really thoughtful messages like yours do remind me of the many kindred spirits I'd still like to connect with online. Big hearts to you for sending some light my way... love from Canada! xox

[@arvindramachandran5249]

I am struggling with a situation pertaining to this topic and this message was so comforting to hear. Thank you very much.

[@littlewoo]

Glad this video offered some comfort or affirmation for you Arvind! Wishing you peace... xox

[@notaburneraccount]

I really like your concept of better care. I'll be sure to keep that in mind when people lean too much on me.

[@Queen_of_Swords1]

Thank you so much for the fresh air

[@Goldifarms]

This was a really good video. Really solid advice. Very helpful. Thank you. I hope you make more videos ❤

[@littlewoo]

Thank you so much for your thoughtful message! I'm glad you found this video helpful and appreciate your sentiments of support!!

[@nancymc]

You are so knowledeable. Thank you. This is helping me a lot.

[@littlewoo]

Oh thank you Clara!! So glad this was useful to you! :) Lots of love! xox

[@hadown11]

you are amazing! thank you for this useful video and sharing : ) bow to you.

[@bhadrakadabra]

The way i had to search so much to find this video

[@littlewoo]

Glad you found it and hope it was helpful to you Bhadra...P.S. I wrote you a longer reply on this thread as I found your other comment today. Much love!

[@adala130]

My Goodness, you are good. This is what l needed

[@littlewoo]

So glad that you found this helpful Emma! Blessings to you...

[@christinasapphire5511]

Great advice

[@littlewoo]

Hi Christina! Thanks for tuning in! If you ever have a life question, do email me via my website: littlewoo.org

[@stephaniewalsh9685]

Thank you for this, but what would be your advice when that person starts attacking your character and causing you emotional distress every time you have those few days where you don't have the energy for anyone else, never mind them because you need to deal with your own issues? This is my situation and this is the 4th time this has happened in 3 years with this person, they usually phone me 4 times a day when I'm working etc and just expect me to be their therapist 24/7, I never get around to sorting my own issues and I'm going through a really difficult time atm bereaving a very close family member I have lost to covid as well as many other pressures like housing, work performance in my new role etc, just explaining these to show that this person is completely ignorant of all that and how I might need space plus the fact I have been diagnosed with anxiety, and sorry to rant but I just feel so mentally, emotionally and spiritually drained atm that I don't think it is a friendship I can continue when all this person wants is to take all the time, expects me to be empathetic all the time and when I need a bit of space and compassion, suddenly I'm labelled a crap friend for not speaking to her for a few days when I'm drowning myself, just wondering how you/others would cope with this? Told her straight that her expectations are unrealistic, she's ungrateful and that I'm going through a lot myself but in her opinion, they're just excuses.

[@littlewoo]

Hi Stephanie! It sounds like this person is in survival mode and has become dependent on you as one of their key support systems. However, even a professional therapist (who has the skills and bandwidth to help), must set boundaries for how and when they wish to work with someone. Calling you four times a day without your consent, is clearly breaching your personal space, energy and boundaries. When they call you a "crap friend" or dismiss your boundaries as "excuses", it is their survival mode talking. They are terrified of losing your support so they are acting from their deeper wounds. In other words, they are interpreting your need for space as an act of abandonment or unkindness because they are wounded. Because they are in pain, they cannot see your pain or your needs. They are in a survival headspace so will interpret all that you say and do from their woundedness. SELF-LOVE, SELF-CARE and AGENCY As you've seen already, it's draining to acquiesce to someone's wounded interpretation of reality. This is where your own inner work comes into play. This situation is hard because their accusations are dredging up old wounds from your past. (maybe about not being seen as a good person or not being appreciated). I encourage you to see that you DO have integrity as a friend BUT you currently require all your energy for your own mental health. As I mentioned in the video, you cannot help anyone if you are drowning yourself. You must maintain (or repair) your own vessel in order to one day support others again. Don't allow their survival mode reaction determine your choices. You do care and your boundaries are NOT excuses. You need to stand behind these truths without guilt or confusion so that you don't submit to this person's incorrect interpretations. CLEAR COMMUNICATION OF BOUNDARIES Boundary setting is a science and an art - but the key is to recognize that your boundaries are valid without having to explain everything or get approval from someone. Your goal is the expression and honoring of your truth. For example, let them know with a brief communication, that you must address some important things in your life and that you cannot be their support system during this time. (You can say you will be in touch once you're ready to connect again) Or, you can set very clear boundaries for how much you can give to them right now. e.g. I can talk to you once a week, for an hour by phone. Ultimately, your time, skills and energy are YOURS to give and no one has the right to choose for you. NO DEBATES OR WAIVERING Don't get roped into a debate or try to prove the worthiness of your reasons. A clear and direct communication about your boundary is enough. When someone is respectful, it's okay to share more context if desired but when someone is reactive or desperate, it requires a firm energy. Do not waiver (due guilt, fear, doubt) and keep your word to yourself. If they call you more than you wish, ignore the extra calls and if needed, block the calls. The more desperate they are, the more firm you must be. This is not done with hate in your heart, it can be done with the discipline of your own self-care and integrity. They may kick and scream for your attention, but you must stay true to your boundaries and needs, without succumbing to their survival reactions. AGENCY & EMPOWERMENT FOR ALL BEING Lastly, as I said in the video, it is dangerous to believe that we are the only source of support for someone. This creates co-dependency and amplifies the false idea that they have no other means of help. This is not true. We are each more powerful that we realize. However, if we succumb to their belief that they have no one else, then we become the perpetual "Rescuer or Martyr", and they become the perpetual "Victim". Well, ain't nobody got time for that! When we are tapped out, we need to take stock and replenish. We must trust that this life has infinite channels and that we are not the only channel of support available to our friends and family. When we are nourished, it's easy, natural and joyful to share our time, energy and skills. Hope this piece will help you and others who tune in. Sending you much love! If you wish to stay in touch, please subscribe and once I start making videos again this year, you will be notified! However, the BEST way to stay in touch with me is by joining my private email list (i'm old-fashioned and still use emails to stay in touch). Visit littlewoo.org/ to join my list and receive updates directly. xoxox little woo

[@diva2094]

I met a boy on the internet almost two years ago now. Hes so sweet we share ALOT of intrests we could talk for hours and hours i was talktive at first and we texted alot and i kinda helped him through a rejection he got recently at the time however as time passed he became just a normal friends of mine that im open with and stuff but i can feel him having something for me and he texts me almost every minute of the day and since i dont really have any intrest in him romantically it started to get annoying for me. like he's a regular friend now and i know if we keep texting constantly i'll end up saying something hurtful like i dont wanna date which is true but idk how to tell him to back off without him getting it as he's annoying or anything. Like damn cant they just be normal friends? I dont get all the constant text thing nowadays i dont even bother pick up my phone as much.. like if i reply he'll be going all day and me ignoring his texts now is my new guilt tbh plus im really really drained of energy cant even think about my own problems and he'e the kinda needy person who is always somehow troubled.

[@SharlenesJourney]

Is there an update on this? Where you able to figure out something I’m dealing with this now but it’s a gurl but literally same issue constant wanting to texting all day everyday small talk and no time for yourself but constantly drowning

[@diva2094]

@@SharlenesJourney long story short be honest lol you'll be at ease and not blame yourself if they wanted to press you any longer cuz u already stated what u have

[@morningglory.213]

so i recently started noticing this more clearly now, my sibling kinda friend whose 2 years younger than me ig bosses me around kinda cuz im always shy and empathetic towards others and she is generally confident and kinda narcissistic and way less empathetic ..so she has no problem stepping over my boundaries , sometimes she says she did that to help me but i clearly told her i dont need her or anybody's help especially when i told her not to meddle in VERY CLEARLY. so well i forgave her for it and now well i noticed her energy is really draining and its feeding on me its wierd but whenever i go and chat with her even, i feel drained even when we talk about very little things also she has too much drama going on and i have a hard time saying no...

[@littlewoo]

It's easy to get stuck in a friendship rut - where neither are feeling good around each other yet still spending time together by co-dependence, habit or because of fear (of hurting someone's feelings, causing conflict, triggering someone's anger, feeling guilty or unkind). I hope you will be able to create some healthy space to focus on your own growth and upliftment! When you feel more conscious, peaceful and grounded within yourself, it becomes much easier to communicate and uphold your boundaries. It becomes harder for the other person to guilt you, manipulate you or step over your needs/boundaries. Sending you love, xox little woo

[@morningglory.213]

@@littlewoo aww tyy 🥺❤️

[@user-cl6uj5bn2f]

Also beautiful hair 😄

[@angelica7161]

Beautiful thank you! :)

[@littlewoo]

Angelica Marie Colon Agront thank you so much! Much love... Xox

[@carolina_grace5721]

Thank you for this:) though i dont trust the universe because i trust God whom created it ...

[@littlewoo]

Yes... Universe, God, Divine Source... so many ways to express it...

[@grandy]

LOVE!

[@littlewoo]

Hi Garvin!! Waves of love back to you! :)

[@noochy9091]

During quarantine I obviously turned to video games. Me and my friends played and we like to joke with each other calling each other names. Nobody actually cares. But a guy joined our gaming group and he claims he’s not sensitive but will lots of the time throw childish fits and threaten suicide due to our “toxicity.” I’ve expressed why does he play with us then and he replied with, “because it’s fun,... and I know you guys don’t actually bully me.” This is after many suicide threats in the weeks past. Keep in mind I’m the only guy in our group that talks him out of hist quote on quote “suicidal thoughts.” It’s a fuck ton of pressure for just wanting to play some games with some friends. I try to drop this kid and sort of ghost him. He messages me on my console after spam messaging me over snap chat saying, “Admit, you hate me and (friends name) does too.” My other friends just ghost him but then the attentions all back on me like it always is. He tells me he has no friends, some more pathetic garbage that I’m done with and blames me more and then I tilt the subject to something more friendly and we’re done for the night. I feel trapped. I’m done dealing with this, I need advice ASAP.

[@nonsensical1521]

Hey Noochy, I've dealt with a similar situation with a friend of mine for roughly two years now, he has issues brought on by poor friends and even poorer significant others in the past, he would say and do things similar to the sensitive friend you have. I doubt I'm as experienced as Little Woo, but what I am seeing is a weird mixed signal from your guy. He threatens suicide at your supposed 'toxicity', and then turns around and says 'I know you guys don't actually bully me'. (I'm not the only one confused by that, right?) Don't try talking him away from an edge that doesn't exist, odds are that he doesn't mean it. And if you're determined that he isn't worth keeping in your life, then don't 'sort of' ghost him, make the break clean and absolute. If you have friends who know him and still keep contact, kindly respect their choice if they want to keep up contact, just tell those friends not to update you on how the guy is doing, and don't get in the same Discord calls or voice chat lobbies if he is in them. And if your friends try to hound you about being on speaking terms with the guy again, don't go for it. And if you yourself start to feel guilty, remember that in regards to the stuff he is saying, it doesn't add up. Just my two cents as someone who weighed the pros versus cons of people and has had to ghost and burn bridges several times.

[@noochy9091]

Nonsensical Thanks for the advice. I know I need to come clean with him and end the ‘friendship,’ but I don’t know when’s the best time. Also, as sad as it seems, his controlling parents force him to stay inside during quarantine so he claims he has no one left. So really, I think if he felt sad enough he would end up killing himself and then I would be fucked. Quite ridiculous for just wanting to play games.

[@nonsensical1521]

@@noochy9091 Oh, I see how that would be difficult. Alright, well, might I suggest giving him an ultimatum? Something like "I have to level with you, I can't keep letting you saddle me with your emotional baggage, it's not healthy for either of us in the long run. I'm sorry it has to come to this but this has gone on longer than reason permits. Either you seek help to bring this stress-inducing roller coaster to a stop, or I am leaving." As for the best time, I suggest waiting until he does it again, but if the situation is so bad that you feel anxious waiting for things to hit a boiling point again, doing it sooner rather than later is better. Or even right this instant to rip the band aid off?

[@nonsensical1521]

@@noochy9091 Additionally, you could take pictures of past conversations where he had his fits and suicidal threats as a way of legal protection if his parents or others he knew take it to court, and that is assuming that he goes through with taking his own life.

[@noochy9091]

Nonsensical I’ll try to end it all this week. Thanks for the advice. I’ll update you on it because why not.

[@LezlieTripathyfilms]

Thank u

[@littlewoo]

My pleasure Leslie! xox