Signs of a Toxic Friend | Buddhist Philosophy

[@Backwoodsandblades]

Bravo. "Don't set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm." Well said.

[@eclatshwartzbaumcybertune2063]

I needed to hear that - thank you

[@User_forbidden]

I love this. I have to stop helping people who are able to help themselves

[@Dragonfruit260]

The best explained logic

[@donnerblitzen1388]

Wish I heard that years ago. Would of stopped so many bad decisions.

[@lindahemmings6746]

DonnerBlitzen138 don’t be too hard on yourself, we’ve all been there before

[@kellyssimplesouthernlife2174]

It took me 50 years to realize that the “toxic” friend was actually a great teacher for me, as she mirrored a lot of the behaviors that were in me yet I didn’t realize it. As I started correcting those behaviors she just drifted out of my life on her own. I still have friends who are great people but there might be that ONE behavior in each of them that rubs me the wrong way….thats when I know to pay attention, something is going on with that. I ask myself always, “where am I doing this in my own life?” I believe there’s no such thing as a perfect friend, just as there’s no perfect human being. We are all just here to grow and learn. Be easy on yourself if YOU are the toxic friend, the good news is, your aware of it and that means you will correct it and GROW.

[@tamwolf8135]

"..just .here to grow and learn..." I'm having that, thanks. Wise words, indeed.

[@karafan9]

👍🤝

[@CJ-ft9yo]

Beautiful words xx

[@flowmotion_2]

Mmm thanks for the wisdom

[@sunshine-qk8qe]

@ Kelly Donoho. Maybe in some settings , but certainly not in abusive relationships where physical or emotional violence against another human is occurring ,. or animal abuse , etc . That no way is mirrored as you put it .

[@crowkangi]

I’ve been toxic. Self absorbed and entitled. Doing my best to change, grow and heal. I was kind of lost for many years.

[@shouldabird]

Hey i'm exactly at the same spot right now. I realise i was toxic because i hated myself and didn'T forgive things from the past. Once you start having self-compassion and self-love, having better relationships comes naturally.

[@mrantone916]

🤮. Glad you “woke” up

[@crowkangi]

@@mrantone916 uh. okay

[@mrantone916]

@@crowkangi amen 🙏 bro I think everyone has been in your shoes some never wake up. We Basically fall into the seven sins.

[@disconnected9023]

follow bhuddism and youll be lost forever lol

[@evonne315]

I spent my entire life attaching to toxic people thinking I could help them, and not realizing I was at the same time trying to prove my own self worth. Then my own behaviour became toxic when they would not change, it confused and angered me. They would lead me on and tell me how great I am for them, until I was all used up and resented them. I finally am free of this dynamic but had to lose pretty much everyone and everything first, driven into chronic fatigue and spent the last year and half living as a hermit detoxing the behaviour and reparenting myself. I am just starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel, a life without attachments and where I am immune to the toxicity. Best to anyone out there working thier way through this. Its so hard, but once you know whats really going on there is no choice but to move through it.

[@MattMussett]

❤

[@philosophy.wyn-christian]

❤❤❤

[@BloomingRose60]

💗💗💗

[@ceasarwright7567]

You spent your life chasing chad and now youre all used up like garbage. How many nice guys did you ignore over the years choosing the looser adicts instead ? Well ... thats life I guess

[@phantomfacefinal7735]

I used to say the best way to find a good friend is to be one. Then I realized not everyone is looking for a friend, regardless of how friendly they appear, they’re searching for someone to come up off of.

[@ItsLady_Ray]

I agree. It’s obvious once you reach a certain age too. In most cases.

[@RA-vq3dk]

I can confirm your statement. I don't know who is more dangerous... The one pretending to love you while destroying you consciously but secretly or the other ones really pretending to themselves they love you but act hatefully unconsciously...

[@PatinaEdochie]

@@RA-vq3dk 💯smh 🙏🏽

[@lindahemmings6746]

🔥🔥🔥

[@ckfodel]

Truth

[@DemetriPanici]

*"The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts: therefore, guard accordingly, and take care that you entertain no notions unsuitable to virtue and reasonable nature." - Marcus Aurelius*

[@SubhamBoro]

Better then Buddha.

[@mountaintruth1deeds533]

Yes and why many stand alone, I have found few in 57 years that even are aware of the shadow of truth.

[@deepak8586]

amazing!!

[@hendrikvdmaesen8620]

@@mountaintruth1deeds533 What do you mean with the shoadow of truth? Can you elaborate?

[@SubhamBoro]

@Dipayan Pyne He didn't found solution for Dukha because he was already suffering from his previous war. They way of Buddhism was not founded by him, it was already present before he actually accepted they way of monk. The fact that he was once king who willfully accepted life style of monk, similarly people admired him like our present superstar of movies. People like to copy they admire. Remember he was preacher not founder of Buddhism, so he actually accepted the life style of monk and was in search of peace after his previous war.

[@suzyrokits3993]

…’We shouldn’t set ourselves on fire to keep someone else warm’ - great takeaway!

[@EXOdagr8t]

In my personal life I came to an analogy regarding relationships (both friendly and romantic). There exist three pillars. One pillar in common, and you have an acquaintance. Two pillars in common and you can have a friend. If you have all three, you have the recipe for a long lasting relationship. The first pillar is morality, a person who mostly agrees with your stances on the matters of the soul and being a good person. Note : If this is the only pillar you have in common with someone, then most likely or not you could say "Yeah he's a swell guy but we don't have anything else in common" The second pillar is mutual interests. Someone to discuss and share your hobbies with and enjoy them doing the same. Note : If this is the only pillar you have in common with someone, then mostly likely you cold say "Yeah she's the only person I know who read Heinlein, but other than that we don't have much in common" The third and final pillar is support. Someone who can help foster your growth and you in turn can help them, be it personal, career wise, or something other. Note : If this is the only pillar you have in common with someone, then most likely that person is a business partner. You got a sweet deal and can enjoy the fruits of your labor and it doesn't go beyond that. All three are needed in some capacity in order to build a lasting relationship that can weather many storms.

[@albertosanchez5016]

well written

[@skipperofschool8325]

this is good

[@bonniea.1941]

This is very good! Thank you for taking the time to post it!

[@soilthestillborn4949]

Had all of that with my gf, too bad she wanted more than one guy 💀

[@maxryder995]

69 Dude

[@roivosemraiva]

Having multiple toxic friends can be quite exhaustingly tiresome. I Rid myself of them during the Quarantine. Now, afterwards I realized they were not friends. Living quite differently now. And do have an awareness of toxicity in friendships; Even in marriages . Thank you for presenting such a report.

[@lindahemmings6746]

Good for you, I know that must not have been easy but well worth. Lesson learned

[@roivosemraiva]

Everyrhing in Life is all what we make it. Thank you

[@prismonthethehorizon5793]

Good luck on your new journey of levelling up. Soon you'll find the right people to surround yourself with and together you can help each grow to become your best version! Happy New Year xxx

[@keyworksales6241]

“The quarantine” lmao.

[@pikabiga]

Yep, had two friends who decided to turn against me. One of them has a problem with me, the other saw me as a rival for whatever reason and kept competing with me, and so they put a target on me. Learned from mutual friends that they were spreading lies and making decisions for me when I wasn’t there. Rly fucked up that people I’ve known for just 4 months are more honest to me than those two. After 10+yrs, despite the good, i learned friendship doesn’t work anymore if effort becomes one sided lol

[@arshigeforce7840]

Don't forget that you have to also consider this from your friend's eyes. you are also a friend to them. Don't just expect them to be the good one, you also should change you're self if you want to be a good friend for others, and if they can't see the value of you being a good friend then you can remove them from your life.

[@wildoo9870]

9:29

[@domihase8148]

I also had the same thought. All are complaning, that there are too little real friends in the world. But what about you? Are you considering yourself as a real friend? If there was another person exactly like you, do you would like to be friends with this person? If no, how can you expect someone else to want to be friends with you? Fix this first and the "right" kind of people get attracted to you. ^^

[@Coreisus]

Watching this realizing I'm pretty awful

[@domihase8148]

@@Coreisus That's great! :D Now the posibility of changing yourself arises. You can't change what you are not aware of. So now it's your chance, if you want to. :)

[@LazyOtaku]

Everyone is quick to recognize the toxicity of others - but quicker to fail to see how they are toxic to them

[@r.p.8906]

lack of empathy is a sure sign that the person is not your friend, because that person cannot be a friend to anyone. My major lesson so far.

[@Dowlphin]

There are gradations and situational conditions of empathy, so it is not a simple thing.

[@turtleanton6539]

Yes😊

[@AdnanMoe]

It’s a sign of emotional neglect in childhood. There you, manipulate them, let them start decompressing then tell them you feel bored and leave.

[@Mr.Honest247]

@@AdnanMoeNot just childhood but sometimes even when adults go through too much hardship and trauma, it can numb you and make it hard to feel anything anymore.

[@betterchapter]

Some of the most poisonous people come Disguised as Friends and Family

[@jean-claudephilgence8371]

Especially family

[@Koozomec]

Buddies are the familly we chose.

[@devilsadvocate1436]

Amen. I just love playing devil's advocate with bad family members if they took the initiative to play devil's advocate with me first. It's even more joyous at the family table when I show them that I can do what they do, but better. Though I am ok if family gives me actual constructive criticism and I do my best to differentiate between things I want to hear and things I need to hear for self-improvement.

[@normarodriguez5535]

Lordy ur not kiddin!

[@sentientpower]

It’s so hard when it’s family, but be brave and walk away from them. You only gain from walking away.

[@TheDhammaHub]

As the Buddha said: There isn't a single thing as beneficial as noble friendship. Sadly, it works the other way around too. A bad friendship can be very harmful indeed

[@AKNSW]

Ever heard of the story of two parrots?

[@TheDhammaHub]

@@AKNSW No, I am not a native English speaker and thus miss the cultural background

[@AKNSW]

@@TheDhammaHub its a Buddhist story i think

[@TheDhammaHub]

@@AKNSW Hmm... I must admit that I only know the lectures of the Buddha and nothing of modern Buddhist "culture" - you could explain it to me though!

[@camadams9149]

Me watching these type of videos is: 1) 50% to identify toxic people 2) 50% to identify any toxic behavior I have that needs fixing

[@darknes12354]

Until discovering your channel, I had been embodying all four of those toxic traits, believing them to be the only way people would ever want to be around me. I desired having friends, but didn’t know how to actually be their friend.

[@truescotsman4103]

I have long forgotten those traits I once shared with this list. in my experience what I've learned is the vast majority of people don't actually want friends they don't know what real friends are they don't know what friendship is that's why you can't find a friend. it's all mutual combat you use me a little I use you a little and we act like we love each other when we really don't. it's always about actions and you'll know when you break a limb or something and you have to call quote friend for a ride to the hospital and they say something like I'm busy I'm at work or I've got other things I'm doing right now and suddenly you realize that their job is more important than your broken body. I had this happen to me I had a friend that was more of an acquaintance from high school that I discovered at a bank in a city we both lived in far away from our hometown. immediately he uncharacteristically began to act like the best friend I never had claiming to be old buddies from our hometown together and it was completely false. I tried to build a realistic friendship with this person because I had a past I went to high school with him. he was the most toxic friend I've ever had in my life. sending me drunken texts in the middle of the night telling me I love you so much. remember we were just acquaintances from high school and only knew of each other were never friends we never hung out. he kept telling me oh I love you buddy or you know I love you and he would say it constantly. I actually had to say to him one day you know you can't just throw the word love around like that it loses meaning. and he got offended and at that point I could tell he was fishing for love trying to get me to reciprocate his toxic weird made up feelings. long story short that's what you get for trying to be friends with somebody. let it go if it happens it happens if not oh well you dodged a bullet.

[@amber40494]

@@truescotsman4103 well said!

[@michaeltrinh4394]

It's difficult to find people of an ideal level- and if you happen to be the standard of a good friend, you make the lesser ones feel inferior, and they try to harm you. Stay strong, and don't let their weaknesses corrupt you!

[@drtDogg14424]

Perfect timing for this video as I just came to the realization the other day that the person who I thought to be my best friend for 6 years turned out to be the biggest most fake toxic person.. was my only frirnd, I was hurt at first but now I can see the road ahead of me.. be cautious who you pick to be on your team.. sometimes your better off alone

[@pippinnai9443]

I had a friend who falls into the category of a “taker”. It is so exhausting, it is so draining that to keep up with her demands I actually fell into the “silver tongue” friend. As if to deceive her need to take take by convincing her that this was already a great friendship, all words. I would also disappear and ignore her messages from time to time just to feel peaceful and to regain energy, so I wouldn’t be there for her as I always said I would. This was a very enlightening video and it helped me to pinpoint these things. I was feeling guilty for not wanting this person in my life anymore. Thank you for showing me that I was being a toxic friend to her too.

[@adampeters7947]

'The Celestine Prophecy' taught me this years ago, and I am eternally grateful. Some people have a sucking quality to their energy. So pay attention to your energy, and to that of others.

[@Iranex1]

I think its important to also remember that people are multifaceted and can be different types of friends to different people. Some people just act differently around others. A good friend to one person may be a toxic friend to someone else. This applies to yourself as well. I try to keep this in mind, because there are times I have not been a good friend and the least I can do for those people is to reflect and improve.

[@redefinedliving5974]

bad take

[@Christodophilus]

I watched out of curiosity, having recently lost a marriage of 23 years, when my now ex walked out, to be with someone else. The hardest part was coming to terms with the fact, I'd lost my best friend. Yet I felt for a while they were toxic in my life too, but put it down to no-one is perfect. Yet all four hindrances discussed here, they excelled at - and did indeed cause suffering. I've reached a point in my journey of healing, to be able to watch this, and feel at peace.

[@Christodophilus]

@@smallhouseinthemeadow6131 Thank you for sharing. I have reached the same conclusion too. The pain was for the illusion, of what their love was meant to represent - not actually how they were treating me. Which was dishonestly and disrespectfully. I am working on being a good friend to myself. 🙂 Because the energy I once gave them, has returned o me.

[@wolfcola6329]

I have something similar to this as well and it can definitely be shattering. With Repercussions that last for years. You got this though. What's that about scar tissue being tougher anyways?

[@skylark2470]

Sometimes opportunity disguises itself as loss. I have learned that this year. Two severe illnesses later and I ended a 13 year relationship. 5 days after I broke it off, he said he was in a new relationship. I asked for how long. He answered, "two days". I grieved the illusion that our bond mattered. Clarity is sometimes born out of pain.

[@CK-solutions]

@@skylark2470 Definitely, and I feel your situation. My ex was seducing the woman he's now with, under the guise of helping her - an old school friend. This was while we were still in a relationship. It's hard to learn what you thought you had, wasn't that deep. But it's liberating to discover, you're now free to go deeper to learn about yourself. I'm enjoying that particular journey now. If you haven't discovered that path already, I hope you do too. 🙂

[@johndelaney2957]

Chris. You got discarded by a Narcissist.

[@xxChacaronXX]

"Friends" to avoid 1 - Enemies disguised as friends 2 - The taker 3 - The talker 4 - The flatterer 5 - The reckless companion

[@nameless7174]

6 - The victim

[@squidly6179]

The problem is there are so many predators in this world and they are very good at seeming friendly. Nowadays someone being friendly is instantly suspect.

[@apvanand4717]

correct

[@Evan102030]

Watching this, I had a sense of anxiety that I might recognize myself as I don't have many friends. But I'm happy to learn I am not one of these.

[@rainmanjr2007]

Our changes of priority and attitude, after waking up into Zen Taoism or Buddhism, can upset what the friendship has been based on. Nobody's fault but it can strike them as disrespectful. One then has to meditate on detachment. If you love someone then you're willing to set them free, I'm told.

[@jameschesterton]

I have one friend who I see about once a year, and that is fine by me.

[@SolusAgomor]

This might just be me, but here is something that might help you, the next time you doubt about the quality of your friendship: if your doubting about yourself, yet you’re alone, probably isn’t you at all. Unless you have remorse and guilt. While you’re self doubting about yourself, others are not. And that’s why you “don’t have many “friends””. 😉

[@gentillygirl545]

"We shouldn't set ourselves on fire to keep someone else warm." How I wish I would have realized this decades ago! 🤗

[@AniketKhanal2009]

After watching this, I've realised that I'm halfway into turning into a reckless friend myself. Thank you so much for this realization

[@katherineg9396]

"We shouldn't set ourselves on fire to keep someone else warm." Brilliant. How often we are told not to be selfish, to do for other people. You don't have to sacrifice yourself to help someone else do wrong, and that hurts them also.

[@AX33MJJ]

Just say “no” to your friend every once in a while when they ask for something; if the response is negative towards you, there’s your answer.

[@wchristian2000]

This is toxic behavior too imo

[@Joshy2-TJC]

Just wait until you genuinely can't say yes, don't just say no "to test them"

[@jjwebster1]

This video sums up everyone I know and 99% of people I've met. Loyalty, respect, integrity, morality and ethics are incredibly and increasingly rare commodities to be found in people. Being loyal, respectful, showing integrity trying to act morally and ethically isn't always reciprocated.

[@beckyd3546]

hang out with more buddhists...

[@rejectwokeness1314]

Agreed, there's no proper human beings out there including even family and close friends. It's much better to be alone because only you won't betray yourself

[@morgangreen2601]

It takes time and a lot of experience to learn how to balance your dealings with others so you can stay a good friend. Sometimes events in life can make you vulnerable to becoming toxic behaving friend. Maybe thats why when some people are depressed they socially withdraw, because they instinctively want to protect others from toxicity.

[@rainmanjr2007]

I would say they want to protect themselves from toxicity at such a vulnerable time.

[@domihase8148]

That's not a good habit. Solitude is one thing, but if you get in this kind of state, help is more benefitial. If you have no one to come to (no friends or family) then search for professional help. In the book "when everything is changing, change everything" that's the first great change you should do: stop isolating and connect with people, if you are feeling bad. Another option would be some spiritual forums in the internet. Have a nice day, friends. :)

[@yacovmitchenko1490]

The last sentence hit me hard.

[@applecrave1097]

@@domihase8148 some don't have the foundation in knowing that, sometimes some don't understand what the agony of being hurt is. Sometimes going to professional help means taking some steps getting there. But your comment is one way of letting people know and helping them too.

[@sunny-nq3yi]

@@domihase8148 easier said than done..

[@Engelhafen]

A toxic friend is very different than a friend that doesn’t meet our needs.

[@allenwalker1379]

It took me a few years to realize that a "friend" at work was actually feeding my fires of envy and greed in the work place. His words sounded sympathetic like, "You deserve better." or "You're not being treated fairly." This might of been true but a wise friend might have pointed out that I was incredibly blessed to have the opportunity to have a job I loved, or that I was young and being very well compensated for my age. His poisonous words fell on the fertile ground of my envy.

[@willjk69]

Exactly this. had basically me dream job at 19 and would complain about a particular aspect or something that was frustrating had occurred to my best friend he had his own business making a ton of money for people our age but was bitter and depressed. He convinced me that I hated the job and was being a slave to the system extra and that I was showing of about the job(even when I was predominantly discussing the downsides) I stopped that amazing opportunity to do illegal shit with him... Jordan Peterson put it brilliantly watch someone's reaction to good and bad news do they always down play something positive and do the make the negative about how they have struggled more than you then there not your friend. I have been guilty of holding a silent grudge and have been taking it out in small ways that are just as destructive and manipulative as he has been I can't completely blame him as I had been a cowered scared to say how I actually felt to save his from conflict and aggression I am as guilty as him the only two answers I see are leave or have the uncomfortable conversations i did the former for a couple years then fell back in to old ways now I'm trying the latter and life is slowly improving. The truth will set you free.

[@allenwalker1379]

@@willjk69 I feel your predicament. My favorite definition of Truth is that which conforms to reality as it is perceived by God. Jesus paid the price to free us from the slave chains of sin. God bless, best wishes to you.

[@legacy7381]

What? That's a you problem, not a him problem. It's nobody else's responsibility to remind you of gratitude mate

[@legacy7381]

It doesn't matter how blessed you are, if you aren't being treated fairly. Then why keep yourself on fire

[@Dalabombana]

Hmm, but what your suggesting sounds like toxic positivity - not empathy. Sounds like the guy was empathising with you. Unless he was after your position, how can that be toxic?

[@jamesstaggs4160]

We can also reinforce behavior if we stick with a toxic person. The less consequences someone suffers due to ill behavior the more likely they are to repeat that behavior.

[@paulsolon6229]

Yes

[@thechancellor-]

To the *incredible person* seeing this, I wish you all the best in life❤ don't over blame yourself, accept things and go forward. Don't let others define what “success” is for you. Get up, learn the skills needed and get after it, all the keys to a happy life is in your hands. Keep pushing.

[@arunimaagarwal4371]

Thank you so much for a beautiful message and such good vibes! Wishing the best for you in life always!

[@WhaleAndWasped]

Thank you so much! I hope you remember that you will accomplish all of your goals as well! You deserve a life abundant of unconditional love, tranquility and true happiness❤️

[@garychrome1027]

A toxic friend is bad, but the most dangerous person is the one who thinks he knows everything and thinks everyone else is toxic.

[@donnerblitzen1388]

Never realized that I follow the Buddha more than I ever expected. What is said here rings oh so true for me. I had so many toxic friends who I believed were genuine and honest. About 3 years ago, I saw they weren't honest or genuine at all. I still consider them friends, but lost. I will not contact them nor associate with them but I do not wish any ill will towards them at all, for they were dealing with similar problems as I was and still are. I was a drug addict for 20 years, about 3 years ago I decided I needed to change - so I did. Got healthy, clean and sober, enrolled in community College to get better skills for work and grow as a person. I was severely psychologically damaged by my addictions, a mental health professional and meditation (along with stoicism teachings) have started my journey to feeling whole again. It's a long journey, but not one I am anxious about or scared. I know it's just very long. I just am lost on how to find true new friends that will last long.

[@warriordinag3921]

Everyone is different. Some people are good and some people are bad, you’ll just have to look for them and decipher for yourself.

[@uzi710]

Some people said that things happened to us when we least seek it - I found my best friend of 15 years when I decided not to keep hoping for someone to come and be my friend, decided to just be my own friend and do my best to give support to others whenever they need it. I think you'll find one as well, you just need to focus on yourself and learn the lessons that you need to go through alone first before it happens.

[@warriordinag3921]

@@uzi710 I think that has something to do with the tao te ching’s “action without action” philosophy. The universe fixes itself without interference. On the other hand, I suppose the campfire doesn’t spark itself!

[@amber40494]

You're on the right path, just keep working on yourself and being kind to others.

[@prismonthethehorizon5793]

1:28 The people we need to avoid are Toxic friends (Enemies in disguise). Love is the energy we need to release them in. Avoidance doesn't = conflict. Our letting go of toxic people doesn't have to be conflictual however our avoidance of toxic friends is a form of self protection. Resenting out enemies only affects our own mental state. It's like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. The feelings of hostility like Hatred belong to one of the 5 hindrances. The 5 hindrances are mental states that hamper progress like meditation practice. They disturb feelings of peace and harmony and that in turn effects our health. THE FIVE HINDRANCES: ANGER DESIRE STAGNATION AGITATION DOUBT 3:00 THE TAKER - They only take, ask alot but give little, perform duty out of fear and offer service to gain something. The taker is mainly driven by desire, by wanting and grasping. It's a needy character that is continuously looking for something to acquire and use friends as a means for that. People who always want something are never content so have no peace of mind. A taker as a friend is a restless character they aren't much interested in the friendship but in what they can get out of it. 3:50 As they are only out to receive they rarely think about giving so the friendship is not balanced and consists of a parasite and a host. The former sucking the latter dry. If we sacrifice ourselves to satisfy the needs of such a friend we harm not only ourselves but them by assisting them in walking the wrong path. We harm ourselves by letting someone exploit us but also from a Buddhists point of view the exploiter also suffers the pain of ongoing desire which overshadows the possibility of genuine balanced connection and the joy of giving. 4:29 THE TALKER - The friend with the silver tongue can be toxic as their words can be used as a tool to manipulate and get their own way. If your friend has a mouth full of promises and excuses but shows little action this individual can be toxic. The talker can be identified by four things: by reminding of past generosity, by reminding of future generosity, mouthing empty words of kindness and protesting personal misfortune when called on to help. 5:07 What makes a person? Words or actions? A friend who offers us nothing but empty talk won't follow up on our promises and is never around when you need them and always has an excuse. Their words may tell us how great the friendship is but their actions suggest otherwise. Empty words are useless as they're full of lies and false promises. People who offer us nothing more than glibness and superficial charm can be fun at times but shouldn't be considered as friends as they lack integrity and reliability. Whoever in hardship stands by that one is a friend. 5:49 THE FLATTERER - These fickle friends know how to use people's desire for praise and acceptance for their own benefit as they're masters at telling them what the want to hear. Although it may feel like great company having someone round you who stroke your egos a flatterer is not a good friend. The flatterer can be identified by four things. By supporting both bad and good behaviour indiscriminately, praising you to your face and putting you down behind your back. They have a lack of integrity, even though supporting you no matter what you do seems like a sign of great friendship, it's not. Someone who praises whatever you do simply feeds into your vanity, knowing that you'll keep them around and trust them as long as they tell you what you want to hear. If he/she then goes off talking badly behind your back, you'll know that their reverance towards you isn't authentic but just a way of manipulation. The danger of having such friends around is that they don't discern right from wrong not just in a moral sense but also in a rational sense meaning that they'll praise destructive behaviour both to ourselves and our surroundings, they might even encourage us to engage in self destructive behaviour so that they have a story to tell behind our backs. 7:17 THE RECKLESS COMPANION Some friends can be amazingly fun as they always seem carelessly engaged in these wild adventures regardless of harmful they may be. The reckless companion can be identified by four things: by accompanying you in drinking, roaming around at night, partying and gambling. 7:45 The problem with reckless companions is their restless, agitated mental state which can be contagious. Constant desire arouses them so they go from place to place, party to party, sleeping by day, drifting around at night searching for another fix. Not only does it affect our finances but has other associated dangers. 6 WAYS OF SQUANDERING WEALTH Heedlessness by intoxication Roaming the streets at inappropriate times Habitual partying Compulsive gambling Bad companionship Laziness A reckless companion engages in several if not all of these The backfire of this reckless behaviour are: Increased quarelling. Loss of wealth. Disrepute. Susceptibility to ill health. Never being satisfied. Crimes. Resentment. Addictions. Association and hanging out with destructive people. If we hang out with such people they'll carry us along into this way of life and ultimately will become destructive in own lives. These people put their desire for reckless behaviour before the wellbeing of others. Stay clear of: The friend who is all take The friend with empty words The friend with flattery And the friend who is reckless. The wise understand this and they keep them at a distance. Are we displaying these toxic behaviour ourselves? Are we unknowingly an enemy to our friends? You can cultivate yourself to become a better person to others and a good friend to have. GOOD FRIENDS 9:50 There are good hearted friends who you should associate and cultivate relationships with these are: THE HELPER THE ENDURING FRIEND MENTOR COMPASSIONATE FRIEND These people influence our lives in advantageous ways and are more likely to be calm, happy, wholesome and healthy individuals. THE HELPER - A helper protects us and assists us in various tasks. THE ENDURING FRIEND We share our secrets with and will stand by us in times of misfortune. MENTOR - A mentor teaches us and offers guidance towards good actions COMPASSIONATE FRIEND - A compassionate friend delights in our good fortune and praises our good qualities. Unlike a toxic friend a good friend uplifts us and doesn't pull us down. Out of universal kindness "We shouldn't set ourselves on fire to keep someone else warm". A friend will never try to pull you down but a frenemy will nearly always will.

[@ariyaddna]

👌🏻👏🏻

[@Tazytots]

One of my friends I knew throughout middle school and highschool had confided in me a few years after HS that they thought I was a toxic person and they needed to get away. To this day, I still do not understand why they said that, or what I was doing to prompt that reaction from them. Friends support eachother, criticize eachother when necessary, and keep eachother on the straight & narrow. 6 years later and I've come to the conclusion that they only said that because they wanted to surround themself with people who only ever agreed with their opinions. Most people do not actually know what toxicity is. They just use it as a buzzword to justify their own echo chambers, goals, breaking up a friendships, attacking someone else's, or doing harm to one's self-esteem. Differing opinions, no matter how mundane, can get you labeled.

[@taotaostrong]

The Buddha recognized, BPD, NPD, mania, and depression long before the DSM, and Buddha did a better job. 💞

[@Matt-dt1td]

Wait … when did he recognize those behavioral disorders ? I don’t recall him identifying them ? … just curious and here to learn

[@JCS_fan]

@@Matt-dt1td If you are dealing with a conventionally "toxic" person, it is likely that they have a cluster B disorder of some sort, such as NPD or BPD.

[@Win16.]

@@JCS_fan crazy because the toxic people I’ve come into contact with doesn’t suffer from a cluster B personality 🤷🏽‍♀️you don’t have to have a mental disorder to be an asshole

[@Pineapplesthattalk]

@@JCS_fan shut up

[@L3243-r3z]

Currently Going through a rough patch with a good friend.. this video was beautiful and eye opening. #1 toxic friend is her and shamefully I discovered I might be toxic friend #4 Thank you for uploading!

[@rickbailey7183]

“We shouldn’t set ourselves on fire to keep someone else warm.” Good one… I’ll have to remember it.

[@belavera994]

we shouldn't set ourselves on fire to keep someone else warm, let alone see that someone, who's completely fine with our suffering, as a friend.

[@MrDannyRuss]

We shouldn't but we could. That's called love.

[@pyellard3013]

IDK... A parent would if the child was dieing of the cold.. Isn't it a matter of how cold it is? Is self sacfice to save lies wrong?

[@belavera994]

@@pyellard3013 no, there are definitely exceptions like the example you've given here, but most people set themselves on fire for someone who would never do the same thing for them and it's something I wish nobody would do and instead find the people or just one special person who really cares about them too and loves them back.

[@landocal0]

You don't have to be around anyone you don't want to be around.

[@Expose_bankers_and_auctioneers]

unless you're a kid. Poor kids

[@jarrodhall3686]

@@Expose_bankers_and_auctioneers Or have a job that takes you out of the house.

[@GabagoolFool]

Situational

[@thuglifeinventor]

Whenever I was facing this, there were no actual videos like this, this video explains all kinds of people I have met in my life. One missing, manipulation through gifts, your closest can change your decision by giving gifts and making you feel grateful so that you are tied to them and their decisions forever for life.

[@graveyard-reads.]

I have been going through many people in my life including family who are showing their true colors. My family has said outright that I'm no longer a part of the family due to my stance covid restrictions mandates, and the other is my best friend who when we had our first disagreement, she lashed out very angrily. I'm trying to be the most honest and loving person to myself. I've always have put people first instead of my own needs, and finally I'm finding freedom from sticking up for myself and realizing some people are not worth my happiness. It's extremely sad and lonely feelings, but as I meditate each day, my strength is slowly beginning.

[@Msminimumdose]

For me, the outside world reflects my inner world… I’ve had toxic friends that are takers and blamers but it’s because I take myself for granted and had a strong inner critic that blamed me when things went wrong. When I started to put my needs and desires first (not be manipulating others to give them to me) by acting on what feels good to me, guess what? Those friends disappeared and new heart centred relationships could appear in my life! Now my friends can only reach me through the heart, and not the head...

[@MR_Rojela]

The way you construct your closing remarks in every videos are really impactful! Thank you!

[@ReincarnatedStargazer]

In Feb, disassociated from a taker. We had different life paths. This person was an extrovert while I'm introverted, and felt I was broken because I had no interest in her activities. Constant agitation. In Oct, disassociated from a reckless companion (it was a short-lived friendship). In Nov, disassociated from a taker (trauma bonder). She created chaos and frequently dumped it on me. She was vastly afraid to be with herself long enough to sort out unresolved issues. I have one compassionate, non-needy friend. I stopped setting myself on fire to make someone else feel warmer. And, I've never felt better. Blessings to all.

[@J.R.Swish1]

Sometimes one friend is more than enough. Sometimes even none can be ok, if you are enough of a friend to yourself (which many forget they must be).

[@josyk2142]

I have someone like that too. She always calls me up to go with her grossers shopping or cleaning her car. Rather calling me for general outgoings. Now she was sick and asked me to go with her to an appointment. I mean well I would but it would take me half an hour and she has other friends too but I didn’t had time also I don’t know If I would go if I had time I really don’t and that’s the sad thing … You can tell me while I am washing your car with whom you went out all night or what you did do but you can’t take me for granted that’s for sure. It was good back then she shared with me and i did. with her but sometimes it’s just too much.

[@mihaelaclaudiap..2]

“Friendship ... is born at the moment when one man says to another "What! You too? I thought that no one but myself . . .” ― C.S. Lewis

[@royferguson3909]

don't set yourself on fire, to keep other people warm. this is brilliant, thanks for this

[@TheSunflowerGalaxy]

It is more difficult to walk away from toxic family members. They know more and find reasons to be involved in your life.

[@alvatoredimarco]

Walking away from family members frequently seems to require resorting to confrontation.

[@TheSunflowerGalaxy]

@@alvatoredimarco Results will vary. In my personal experience, this adds fuel to their cause, and playing martyr encourages others to take their side and rally against you. Just a never ending conflict. All you can really do is walk away.

[@teamgratitude-ifern]

thank you einzelganger for being a mentor and a (long distance) friend to me.

[@bryanutility9609]

So glad I found new friends. It took a while to let go of resentment but all better now.

[@stikkontakt4]

It continues to amaze me how my boi Siddhartha really did go on and figgure life out 2.5 k years ago ! All you gotta do is open your heart and mind to this beautiful knowledge 🙏🏼

[@aleksandra_jesus]

By WALKING AWAY you help toxic people more than by staying ♥️

[@MattMussett]

What is they are obsessive

[@BNJA5M1N3]

In hardship no one stuck by me at all.... not even family... i am content alone but so appreciate the people who come upon my path as temporary and shallow as they may be

[@Stanleyasango]

This is so magnificent. It clearly proves how much knowledge came from Buddhism and generally Eastern philosophy

[@talibanairport1544]

I didn't know that that needed any proof.

[@Gigusx]

@@talibanairport1544 Some people learn late.

[@antoinesubitlescoups338]

Not more than western philosophy.

[@antoinesubitlescoups338]

@@talibanairport1544 Don't have to show your ignorance publicly. We get that.

[@talibanairport1544]

@@antoinesubitlescoups338 My ignorance? You mean wisdom. Western philosophy and culture offers very little of value to the world. Maybe you're the ignorant one.

[@gigidope]

I definitely need to make sure I am being a good friend, as well as separating myself from toxic friends. Thank you for the content 🙏

[@icelandicwitch5749]

I have spent my life surrounded by the most appalling toxic friends .

[@WowDaniX]

I once was popular with many friends. Now I have no friends and i’m at peace.

[@starshiptrooper4455]

It really resonates with me right now. It feels quite sad being in a mindset where you have to evaluate a person’s intentions, but if you don’t, you will almost certainly pay a price - people-pleasers often take a while before they learn this (that was me once.) I suppose reflection equals maturity and the buddhist teachings offer a path for us to follow, and comfort in knowing that severing ties is ok. I wonder how buddhists view gaslighting by friends and family, because that is also a tool used to exert power, and in those instances cutting ties sometimes isn’t always enough when people drop poison in social networks. I think getting distance may also mean cutting out shared associations to avoid you getting dragged back into the vacuum of a toxic person. Sorry I’m rambling. Just thinking out loud, thank you for giving me something new to consider.

[@DH-gk8vh]

I was a people pleaser, known by psychologists as a co-dependant most of my life. I'm not completely healed, but I have changed enough that my life has changed a great deal. Years later I find I am still working things out. I have learned I grew up in a family of controlling narcissists. I was the youngest and grew up with very little attention or guidance. I married into a similar family. Years later with my kids grown I cut out my sister due to extreme toxicity that had come to a head. In order to make sure I maintained my distance I had to disconnect from my siblings, because I was being pressured to show up at family events where I knew she would be. My mother-in-law is highly toxic, and I cut ties with her. My kids still see her and my husband occasionally, but I don't. She still tries, but I will never see her again. I feel free of the pain they caused and content in my new life free from them. I don't hate them. I did it for me. No one has a right to use and abuse you, no matter who they are. Not even family. Take care of yourself, and that includes your mental health. Dr. Phil once said "I'd rather be alone and healthy than sick with you."

[@amber40494]

@@DH-gk8vh I've had similar experiences and have no contact with family anymore. I'm still a people pleaser and fawn on people. Guess it's a defense mechanism. Thought if I got away from toxic family and psychopath ex I would be ok. I still hurt myself trying to please others, mostly people who are users

[@DH-gk8vh]

@@amber40494 I learned as much as I could about co-dependency, made many changes over time and have had a great deal of healing as a result. Then I got into Buddism and meditation. I highly recommend: Melody Beattie Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself I found her information to be incredibly illuminating. I was so bad I couldn't tell anyone no. Now I have no problem doing that. I no longer try to fix people, and recognize when someone is trying to use me. Get your life back. I wish you the very best.

[@amber40494]

@@DH-gk8vh thank you. I've been practicing Buddhist meditation for 13 plus years. Buddhism has really helped me but I am still a people pleaser, easily manipulated. I read Melody Beatties books years ago but didn't seem to get it. That's wonderful that you have healed so much. I'm not as bad a codependent as I was but it's still wrecking me! Good luck and all the best to you and thanks for the suggestion I'll try her books again

[@YAMISOOLD2009]

@@DH-gk8vh Love what you wrote. I am also a people pleaser on the road to recovery. Families often try to manipulate through guilt and shame and become toxic. I understand completely what you did and have done something similar in my life. We have to put ourselves first or we can and will be used up and burned out by others. I think if we are mentally and emotionally full and healthy then and only then can we truly be a friend and a help to another person.

[@FreddieKayBeats]

I came to realize most of my friends if not all are toxic, it’s the feeling of loneliness I get when I don’t see or interact with people that leads me to reconnecting and reliving toxic patterns I suppose. Thank you for the wisdom! If any one has time, I would greatly appreciate it if you would check out my first song I rapped and produced. Much love!!!

[@janieeauschn2673]

Well said - Universal kindness/compassion, includes ourselves and not allowing ourselves to suffer needlessly. Thank you!

[@edlauren9434]

Very interesting! The analogy of an anger and a bottle in poison is great! I’ve realized the same on my own a few years ago and that was a huge relief that made my life better!

[@cutzymccall7675]

It's not simply about the friend being toxic or an "enemy." Sometimes we just grow apart or they trigger something in us that is toxic. In other words, we can develop differences in our lives, with certain friends. Our paths, our values may change. If you find yourself resentful, annoyed, angry, hostile or exasperated by someone continually, let them go asap for their sake as well as yours. We may be as toxic to them as they are to us. I have to be honest, though this growing apart has happened to me, I have never had a "bad" friend. I seem to have a great s--t detector when it comes to people. My friends are primo! P.S. Friends should boost each other. Maybe it's "shared vanity," but my friends and I praise each other a lot because we know how hard life can be and we want to see our friends feeling good about themselves. And our praise is never false. We know our friends' gifts, and we acknowledge them. I like being this kind of "friend" to my clients, too, in my profession as a psychic advisor.

[@DuneGuy796]

Love your videos! I listen to them on my breaks at work in the car.

[@GardenYourHeart98]

thanks, I just let go of a toxic friend recently and this was reassuring

[@kraftyhandz]

People in their 20s definitely praise The Reckless Companionships. I say that cause I’m in my 20s right now and I was once that and surrounded by individuals like that. It’s sad that people in this age gap are stuck trying to figure out what they want in their life and they look towards partying/superficial friendships for validation. Hit one year sober last week but I had to go through hell and back to grow. It’s necessary to hit the bottom to grow as an individual. It’s up to the character to change. For the people that remain lost, I feel bad and sad for but I remember that is their choice. Love this video.

[@johncrondis4563]

I don't really like the word toxic as we are all prone to mistakes, using others, impressing others, flattering them disingenuously, not wanting to deal with hard stuff because we have our own hard stuff to deal with....it's just living life sometimes. We are all incomplete and imperfect, and we usually attract people that have similar levels of issues as ourselves, and so to label them as toxic just because we have gained some heightened awareness, or some healthier habits is dangerous in my mind. I know the video says stay compassionate, but what is easier: labelling something as bad and rejecting it, or working on our moment to moment vibration and making it loving? I feel by using the word toxic and enemy we will most likely do the former and have a harder time doing the latter. I think there is a lot more nuance in these, and a lot more of it requiring self-reflection and work on our own habits and thoughts. Just my take, I do feel it is good to move towards better habits and more people that share those ways of life, but it is more about self-work, and moving TOWARDS the good, and not moving AWAY from the bad. Usually we resonate with the bad habits in our friends because we are also drinking, indulging, flattering, taking, using, making excuses, gossiping, judging, etc etc to some extent too, so once you just let go of those habits you will find you are hanging out with those friends a little less because now you do different things. Maybe they will start to do different things to if you show them and do them with them, and if not, it's all good, just go do what you wanna do without thinking of the other as a toxic enemy.

[@Muthurtucker]

Toxicity is chronicled as recidivist negatively perceived personal affect.

[@rat_priestess]

yes, religion and teachings has a way of guilting us to change our behaviors while claiming to be our enlightenment. breaking us to rebuild us as what the teaching sees as a “good soul.” for example, let’s say there is a friendship where there is a taker and a silver tongue friend. these videos allow us to recognize the symptoms but not the problems. the takers are often going through something intensely emotional and when they find someone who is seemingly always there, often inadvertently end up requiring too much of the friendship. the silver tongue friend, overwhelmed, is merely trying to protect their own resource. it would be far better to both to encourage open communication and love between both parties for many continued years of happiness. instead the teachings end on condemnation, resulting too often in unnecessary and painful endings. it is better to use these words as guides instead of ultimate truth and to never call anything the path of true wisdom but instead, rely on our own inner selves.

[@swiftkarma4436]

@@jayrober4834 exactly

[@softie4645]

Sometimes I watch these videos and worry that I'm a toxic friend, and thus I'm really conscious about my actions to other people and it's kind of suffocating sometimes

[@Respect2theFallen]

This was a great watch. Thanks. Definitely dodged staying around some toxic people recently. Seeing better actual friends this year with similar goals & aspirations

[@DMRoper1]

"We shouldn't set ourselves on fire to keep someone else warm." Wisdom.

[@Cyber_Kriss]

Thank you, Einzelgänger. YOU are a true friend. 🙇‍♂

[@metaphysicswithariyana2794]

Thank you for showing the flip side of the toxic- SO important!👍😉

[@maryp9923]

After I met my boyfriend I distanced myself from most people I used to talk to, my boyfriend and I started off as best friends and it developed into other things after a while, after talking to him I felt like my other interactions are empty and draining. He was a good example of what a great friend was and I started comparing us to the other people in my life. I feel like sometimes you have to keep everyone a few arms lengths away from you.

[@robertlenoir531]

Very helpful. After a discouraging and very costly (monetary) treatment by a "friend" I looked for a Buddhist site and came across this one. Time will tell but on listening and making pages of notes perhaps these wise words will make me "freer" or at least a good start on the path to freedom and being a more enlightened Buddhist novice. Thank you.

[@Sir_Binga]

Breaking up with Family Members is the hardest thing I have ever done. The abuse goes for ages until you realise who you need to cut off from your life. And once you start with it, it gets even harder. They dont want to loose you, to abuse you. They show kindness to get you back and once they succeed, it starts all over again. Fake promises, doing things you dont like, not telling the truth, saying one thing but meaning the other, justifing thier behaviour to not apologise bcs. of thier huge Ego... Its like a trap with deadly claws, once you fall for it, it hurts even more getting out of it. It could rip you apart by trying to escape, so you might consider to stay, so you wont die trying. Im at the very start of all that and at the very end of my strenght at the same time. They wont let me live in peace until I have cut them off completley. Always remember thier actions and compare them to thier words. If they dont match, nothing is ever changing, they most likely never will or do. If they dont want to change themselves for you or others, even with you trying to help them and only getting hurt in the process, well, you know whats best for you. Dont let anybody tell you how you feel or how to life your life, when you, deep within, know who you really are by listening to your inner self. Whoever reads this and feels the same, take care of yourself and create your own life by detatching yourself from every restriction that holds you back and prevents you from growing into something truly beautiful.

[@Peanuts76]

yes, this is me, it's like living with fake people who never accept you and you end up try to please them, and they are the same, they always expecting you to behave to be someone else, your living like a zombie, like a robot, like a doll, your heart feel empty, your soul crushed, you lose your sanity....

[@Peanuts76]

abuse, blaming, gaslit, triangulation, word salad, fake promises, conditional love.... damn hell i hate my family

[@Dezzyyx]

I'm going through this word for word, uncanny. I'm committed to stick with it despite the struggle because as you say it really won't change, and after 33 years I'm at my limits, or can at least see the pattern to know that I can't live like that forever, so what choice is there but to end it. I'm afraid it will for various reasons go back to how it was though, somehow you end up back there, despite strong resolve and that I don't actually need them like that. It's like time just mellows it gradually and suddenly the whole issue has faded without you realizing. Only after you realize things are now back to how they were.

[@bolddaredevil2648]

@@Peanuts76 its sad when u realize there r wholesome positive families out there u just didnt knew it could be that way..

[@Peanuts76]

@@bolddaredevil2648 i know, that trauma kills me, everyday, for about this past 2 years, everyday i was like crying over my past, missed opportunities, and over someone i loved..... It depressing honestly, i realize i need help....

[@Oliver.Verdant]

Thank You for this. I only tried to show love to everyone and tried to share my sympathy for everyone and tried to show all the power and voices in the individuals who inspired me and gave me courage. I wanted to show all the possible perspectives and voices of everyone. I didn't realize my energy was misguided. I always try to help those around me. Thank You

[@Oliver.Verdant]

I needed to heal and let go of all the pain the was given to me. Thank You so much for this video.

[@ardaaksoy9161]

I'm having the same. Not for so many years, but I'm surrounded by takers. Have you done something towards distancing?

[@Oliver.Verdant]

@@ardaaksoy9161 I cut social media, I stepped back and had to just get back in tune with the natural world. I lost my mind with how much I had buried inside. It became problematic and socially corrosive. I learned, once you fall apart, cut your losses and just step back, because you're likely to make a bigger mess when you can't handle it.

[@ardaaksoy9161]

@@Oliver.Verdant Yes, it makes sense... Thank you

[@komalkoul6486]

its not possible to find anyone without one of these. always work on yourself n be clear about what works for you, work on healthy balance at all levels. n always b willing to loose people things etc as soon as they stop serving purpose or start going against your values

[@badgrand]

So difficult.. I don’t have the balls, but nothing more to give..

[@jeffmckinnon5842]

I keep everyone at a distance. I seldom use the word "friend" and I am leery of people who attempt to get too close, too soon. There is plenty of time to declare a friendship, after it has proven to be mutually beneficial. We no longer live in a world where trust is a given. Perhaps we never did. I expect a lot, out of a friendship. I also expect to do my part, and honor it's value. True friendship is not having to keep score.

[@ecohumanism]

This is the wisdom based on the wise approach to the personal experience. Probably many people can feel how precise these observations are, especially those who know about narcissism and machiavellianism, and even know where this toxicity coming from.

[@Johny40Se7en]

Love that end quote "We shouldn't set ourselves on fire, to keep someone else warm", besides, "the cold never bothered me anyway" 😅😆😝

[@lookintopsilocybin]

Disney is a toxic friend, I think it's best to "let it go" 👀

[@ohcharlie428]

@@lookintopsilocybin aaaaah ya beat me to it -.- i wanted to say let it go. Well punned sir

[@Johny40Se7en]

@@lookintopsilocybin Modern Disney sure, but not the old and gold stuff. The older films actually have meaningful values at their roots, some of which have been picked apart by other philosophers, such as the absolute gem, Jordan Peterson 😊😉

[@lookintopsilocybin]

@@Johny40Se7en agreed, now you're talking about the deeper meaning in stuff. I think you might like a KZbin channel called "like stories of old".

[@nalrp9451]

LOL

[@FelixSkura]

There are people you miss and you let them know. And there are people you miss but they can’t and shouldn't know

[@chuckandmax7313]

Thank you for that information, I don’t think the fact that it was a Buddhist perspective had any less truth to the statements made. I feel a very strong love for the Buddhist and love the happy character as a symbol of serenity and self reflection, a being of supreme wisdom and gentleness. I found the 4 character traits of the bad friends very interesting and would want to discuss the subject more with the Buddha on his opinion of there being certain people that have a little bit of each kind of bad friend, only possessing one or two of the traits but still being a truly bad friend. I reflect in myself the character of the good friend and share likewise certain aspects of each kind of good quality yet also have demons of my own that cause me to be a toxic friend to myself. At times I can be so good to myself and quite flattering, then at times I am destructive and bitterly cruel to myself, pointing out all the flaws that only I would know about. I am diagnosed with some mental disabilities such as severe anxiety disorder, major depression, acute agoraphobia and have at times seen and heard things that I knew were not supposed to be there. I take medications for each disorder and have been for many years. It has left me in a state of perpetual numbness and monotone in thought, yet a simple distraction or change to my routine and safety can cause me to become violently I’ll for days. I live with a person that I know is toxic, but being that I am the faithful friend that stands by you to the end has made it a paradoxical situation where I know I want the person out of my life but can’t let go, either out of dedication or fear that I will not be able to be without them. He is a taker, but he definitely does not flatter me, no on the opposite he points out my flaws and likes to tease. He has destructive behaviors that he has crafted me into indulging with him, he is very jealous of my talents and when I have something important that I need to do, he finds a way to put a roadblock on my path and cause me to panic. He enjoys seeing me become in a state of panic and has at times created scenarios of lies and falsehoods to make me believe that something I fear is actually coming after me. He has stolen my property and sold it, only to deny any knowledge of what I’m talking about and telling me that there must be someone else coming into my home and stealing from me. I have many phobias and he enjoys pushing them as far as he can to see what the result will be, then he tries to act like he’s the good friend and only wanting to help me. It got to the point where I sold my house and moved to another state because I thought someone was trying to get me and cause me harm, and I secretly planned my whole move. I finally told him I was leaving and he said that was fine he could take care of himself and I felt pity on him because he has no job and would be homeless as he lacks the ability to conform to a routine or schedule and is unemployable. He also has mental issues of ADHD and OCD as well as being a bit bipolar with PTSD. I have been his loyal friend for so many years and supported him when everyone else unfriended him, tarnishing my own reputation, and also due to my disabilities I am not able to do a lot of activities as I have very low energy, so I just told him he could move with me because I needed his help to move. I thought a change of state would be good for both of us but I see I am only setting myself on fire to stay warm, that last statement really made me reflect on my situation. And now that I have brought him to a new state where he doesn’t know anyone and neither do I, I’m kind of trapped. I e had mostly toxic relationships throughout my life and I have never heard someone say they loved me to the point that I felt they were telling the truth, except for my dear mother who was my only love, but I lost her 3 years ago to cancer. My mother had me without a father for me, she remarried three times but not one of the men she married would have any claim to me, the same thing has always been that way with never being chosen to participate in activities with others as I was always the smallest kid in school and victim to years of bullying. I have found a few good friends on my journey but I have not been able to keep them around very long, and it breaks my heart each time they go away. Death has claimed many of them, and to cope I have found it better to be in the presence of dogs rather than people. I’m sorry for spilling out my heart on you dear reader, and it’s kind that you read this far, sometimes I think the comments section is my therapist and as I don’t get to talk to people very often, when I do I just babble on forever, not really clear on the point I’m trying to make. I’m southern and we can’t help but tell a long story just to say a few words. I hope you have a beautiful life and don’t take anything negative from my words. Just say a prayer for me that I can find the inner peace of the Buddha and the wisdom of Solomon and a heart like king David, and somebody willing to take a chance I’m being my good and faithful friend.

[@krisscanlon4051]

I started on this journey twice in my life. 2012/2017 changed me forevermore plus a bigger moment in 2021. I got sober in 2012 and then watched as i removed toxicity from me and ultimately rejected toxic ppl in my life...the least amount as possible...all or nothing is my personal recovery.

[@sentientpower]

Thanks so much for sharing. This answers some important questions for me. I had forgotten that being compassionate includes toward myself in certain situations 🙏🏽

[@treefrog0826]

It wasn't my enemies I had to worry about, It was the ones who said I Love You

[@mdmmalou]

Have you ever considered that, looking back on the very first encounter with a 'toxic' person (whom you befriended or loved) you had already been warned by your intuition? It happend to me multy times, until I learned my weak spots. 🚩😊

[@HideorEscape]

Yes! My first gf who I have found on a dating app, didn't respond right on the second day.. Guess what? After a while ghosting is what killed the deep friendship / online relationship I had with her and I suffered greatly for that. I should have listened to my instinct because right on the second day of no response she already has hurt me.. The cycle repeated a few times until 1 last time and that was the end.

[@Johny40Se7en]

"Always listen to the gut, there are trillions beings telling you thins all the time, who are not prejudice in any way" 👍😜

[@LazyOtaku]

That must of been an awkward time in front of a mirror.

[@TaroLoaf]

Had intense bad vibes from coworker one day at work. I foolishly shrugged it off as her just having a bad day due to sleep deprivation. Several months later I pretty much got fired because of her occasional antagonization. It was all manipulation. One day she would be nice but I would get this feeling in my gut. One day she would be mean.

[@ONLYLOVEIZATION]

YES! It’s easy to ignore it and blast on ahead anyway when one is lonely. Only to realise later that God was trying to warn you ahead of destruction.

[@dalesco4205]

Let me suggest another kind of toxic friendship I will illustrate with a personal example: I had a friend from whom I learned a lot and for this I will always feel grateful. Nevertheless, he eventually abused his role as a mentor, using it to feel good about himself. He gradually became dogmatic, to the point where his friendship became toxic and I had to end it.

[@Selsmittenxo]

I've been through the same

[@applecrave1097]

That turned into a ego situation, I think, since I don't know the whole story.

[@H0kram]

It is not possible to be friend with someone who actively tries to not feel inferior to you. You can have a relationship with that person, but the trust levels are too low to call it a friendship. If you're too close to such a person and play their game, eventually, you become an arrogant fool as well. It goes into seeking of control, small manipulations, all that composes the mindset of someone who deep down, lacks a tremendous amount of self love, and quite possibly, a lack of identity. That hole is not contagious by itself, but the behaviors are. If you go beyond discussing it and start counter acting it using the same techniques, you'll just find yourself in the same shoes. So yes, I think it's best to end it, or to be distant enough so you're not emotionnaly engaged.

[@dalesco4205]

@@applecrave1097 True, his ego got badly bruised after going through a rejection and the mistake we made his family and myself was to comfort him in his choice of life, to become a recluse on his parent's property, then later on his sister's, staying in his own fantasy world. With time he became quite intolerant of other opinions, especially mine after it was revealed there was a fairly large difference between our IQs. It shouldn't be a big deal and it doesn't really mean that much but he felt he had to prove me wrong on most points we'd discuss afterwards. It's sad, he wasn't like that when I first knew him.

[@dalesco4205]

@@Selsmittenxo What happened?

[@elizabethlebaron9545]

This is a great break down of this sometimes subtle and difficult situation to fully grasp and apply. Thank you!

[@JarodJesus]

The one good thing about this video is that it also helps to indentify this behaviors in ourselves, not only in the people that have wronged us.

[@zigentala]

I love your channel! Your videos always align with my life and it’s scary but they’ve helped me so much !!!

[@kiliankiel3844]

Thanks to your subtitles I can work with this without knowing how to spell the Pali words in minute 0:56 -> ,,Sigalovada Sutta". Your channel is a dear ,,friendship" when life gives us hartship. Minute 9:14 - very important!!!

[@d.nakamura9579]

Love this channel! Such quality content. Timely and yet timeless.

[@Heyoka86]

I realize I've never had a friend outside of these categories, which kind of explains my tendency to self-isolate.

[@bheeshmar6217]

I had 2 friends that also wer very toxic....I have thrown them also away....I don't feel alone....I feel clean

[@grumpycheerleader]

Avoidance is excellent medicine. If everyone did this the narcissistic people would run out of supply and be forced to face themselves without escape….which is very compassionate because the only way out is through…. Removing a pleasant stimulus or reward is a very gentle way of shaping behavior. Your friendship, time and attention is the reward.

[@MagnificentlyHighAlien]

This makes me appreciate my homie even more, I've been toxic on more than one occasion. I apologized and we're still going strong now after 10 years. The only things we don't share are girlfriends and toothbrushes.

[@ENIGMAXII2112]

I must show this to two very important people in my life..