How to Set Boundaries WITHOUT Being Rude | Relationship Advice for Women by Mat Boggs

[@matboggs]

Join the Manifest Your Man Program here: www.bravethinkinginstitute.com/love-relationships/resources/mym/offer/strategy-session?div=lr&KZbin&Social&MYM_EVG&CNT_video

[@dasza84]

Mat, what should a person do if the boundries have already been crossed, but a person wants to take a step back??? Is it too late???

[@dumitriudaniela]

i always set direct, polite and quite charming boundaries, but men always get angry or upset after that. Which leads me to let these men go instantly. So sick and tired of attracting the wrong guys.

[@patriciarose2342]

I get the same. Unfortunately they're not men. Too many boys today 🙄

[@athena878]

I always feel this way too. Or I feel that I do assert myself in a polite way. Yet I’ve been told that I come off as “too nice” or maleable. So, these men that I choose to go out with, are getting the impression from me via either my tone, body language or something else. I’ve also become familiar with the idea that we attract who we think we are worth. I realized that I unintentionally seek out or attract “unavailable men”. I disregard red flags like he said in this video. I expect things from men that cannot offer me a healthy, stable relationship. I have also been in many situations where I went out with a man and they tried to make me feel guilty for not giving them what they wanted because I somehow gave them the impression that I could be easily manipulated or that I just wanted sex, like they did. Where did I meet up with them? What did we do? I’d look back and think, they hardly seemed even remotely interested in half of what I said. We had drinks at a bar and then went to hangout afterwards at their house. In a guys mind, they’re already thinking that they have a chance of having sex with me because I’ve agreed to do whatever they wanted. Went with their plan and just said “Ok 👍 I don’t care. You can choose.” Guys don’t care that I’m nice and easy going. I feel like I’ve mistaken masculinity with toxicity. Over and over. I think that’s why I’m attracted to guys who are just plainly assholes and very dominant. But a guy can exude masculinity and still be respectful. I just need to work on myself more so that I can feel deserving of being treated with respect.

[@linneasimchah1621]

@@athena878 Don't say that in a nonchalant way during first impressions: "ok, I don't care. You can choose." That is so weak. Sorry; not sorry.

[@TinfoilHatGirl]

@@athena878 LEAVE after being out to drink something. Don't go to someones place unless you are at a stage where you are ok to let more happen. And I know how difficult it is, I am dealing with it right now. The dudes are not willing to invest time to get to know someone on neutral grounds. They want Netflix n chill maybe after the second date the latest or you have to start arguing with them if you feel that's too early. And I know that you should not even argue but telling them "nice and polite" they just don't get it.

[@stevenjackson9301]

Great video. My ex-wife and I ALWAYS behaved like two children playing in a sandbox when we were married, and it was a great marriage till she left. We were best buddies and have mutual understanding. Totally, we support one another. I still adore her and frequently find myself thinking about her despite my best efforts to do otherwise. I don't know why I am bringing this up, but I simply can't help it; I love her so much.

[@stevenjackson9301]

@Paul Jones That's incredible, but how did you find a spiritual conjurer, and how can I get in touch with him?

[@stevenjackson9301]

Thank you for this valuable information,i just looked her up now online. impressive

[@melr6235]

@Paul Jones dabbling in witchcraft opens a door for destruction and demonic spirits have open access to not only being destruction to your relationship but also destruction to your life. I would encourage you to repent and renounce whatever words you came into agreement with the pyschi. Jesus Christ is the only way, truth and the life and he is the redeemer of relationships and orchestrator of restoration in marriages. Repent and turn to Christ to save you, your relationships and life. That sucks that you had to go so low in order to get somebody back into your life.

[@linneasimchah1621]

great marriage til she left ?!? What you were doing wasn't working and you were clueless about it. Your biased version of the marriage is far from the truth.

[@averagejane09]

Sorry you went through that. Did she let you know why she left? I know I would want to understand what happened. If you still have a good relationship, perhaps you could have an honest talk about it at some point. But, you would have to go into it being willing to hear what she is saying and know that it doesn't mean the relationship will rekindle. That might be hard. But, for interest in learning and growing so that perhaps you can either choose a mate who is more compatible or not make similar mistakes in the future, it might be a valuable conversation. Hope you are well.

[@starsandbeyond5848]

This is a super helpful video.I have had a 15 year relationship so far with my husband and I believe one thing that helped him really take me seriously was the fact that I set my boundaries at the very beginning of our relationship and then every obstacle he overcame was like a reward for him. It was worth the wait.

[@tonirompasky5959]

I have a list of compromises! I list 10 things I am not going to compromise in a relationship and Those 10 things I use for my boundaries and no matter how crazy I am about them I will not compromise those 10 things.Thank you for you videos, they inspire me when I have moments that maybe I'm being difficult or selfish.

[@gemstar7447]

So true that I’ve had a reluctance to set boundaries. Now I’m learning to set boundaries effectively. Boundaries Framework: 1. Commit to set boundaries. 2. Make friends with setting boundaries. Associate boundaries as a good supportive thing that filters out misfits. 3. Decide in advance what the boundaries/standards are. 4. Set the boundaries from the beginning, before the boundary is crossed. Be self assertive, stand up for yourself and show you value yourself. 5. Be direct yet affirming when stating the boundary. Thank you!

[@dorothygoodon3610]

I have always had incredibly low self esteem. I always felt that in order to keep a man interested, I had to sleep with them and give them what they wanted. That led to so much heartache and so many trust issues. I’m now learning how to set boundaries for myself, and just ended things with a man because he took advantage and pushed me farther than I was comfortable with.

[@MariamSabaArt]

What I have found that works really well is to state my boundaries with confidence and to stay consistent. If I get wishy-washy with my boundary/ies (“well, I know I said ___ but this time we can _____.”) instead of being fun or sexy or conveys my flexibility, it ends up introducing a ton of confusion and usually discomfort for me later. I think his experience is he receives mixed messages which never feels great to me when I get them. Thanks for more great content Mat. 💜

[@pinkpearlx]

In my younger years do to daddy issues I had such low self esteem. I was so desperate to be loved. I would get hooked on a guy so fast thinking it would make him want to be with me. I had so many heartaches. Now almost 30 I finally started truly loving myself and putting up boundaries since doing so I find it harder to find someone. When a woman has boundaries it seems to scare these so call men but that's ok I know the right man will come along the wait is worth it.

[@lynnita321]

I recently gave my phone number to a few men that I met online saying "let's chat, I'd love to hear your voice." Next thing I knew one sent a text saying he would meet me after work and I just needed to pick the place - no phone call, just that. I politely replied saying my preference was to first chat, then if I felt comfortable we could discuss meeting in person. He sent a text back saying "I understand", and I never heard from him again. The old me would have never stated my boundary up front. After taking Mat's program I am empowered to stick to my boundaries and set standards. Thank you Mat for this video!

[@How.Dare.You.]

If you loose a "great guy", he was never for you

[@honestmom1958]

Love your videos and lessons! I set boundaries by letting men know I don't kiss on the first date no matter how much I like somebody, but that it's worth waiting for. Love your tip about affirming what we like about a man while also setting boundaries, as well as about the future aspirations. Good stuff as always!

[@rezotydnic]

Boundaries are soo important! And we as women must not be afraid to voice them. Mothers teach your daughters this please. My bf and I started out long distance. We talked for 2 months, daily, before our first in person date. We discussed everything, and got to know each other really well. We had lots of people in common, and hobbies, etc. We talked about our past relationships and what caused them to fail, etc. We discussed what our boundaries were in these discussions. I believe because of the distance, and our phone dates, we had a better connection when we actually did meet in person. We are middle age soo that makes a difference i think. We were capable of living in the moment. Taking our time. Enjoying the present and not thinking too far ahead. OR falling too fast. Having said that, when he came to my place for the first date weekend, it was like we had known each other forever. He felt like 'home' to me. So I would say set those boundaries from get go and if the guy is interested, he'll respect them and you.

[@linneasimchah1621]

Happy for you!

[@nataliasolakian7928]

Sometimes being too nice and accommodating gets nice girls nowhere which is why I set high boundaries and keep my distance when I see people taking advantage or abusing my emotional space.

[@marilynoverton8142]

Thank you so much, Mat, for sharing your great wisdom. I also appreciate no distracting background music!

[@nataliasolakian7928]

Btw Matt you are one of those RARE guys who I wish had 12 brothers. You are intelligent, handsome, Godly and well spoken. Unfortunately a big chunk of guys lack these skills which are ultra essential and vital to long term healthy marriage and family life. Props and blessings to you and thank you so much for your kindness, respect and intelligence as well as wisdom.

[@violanovakova4752]

That affirming part is such a great tip! Thank you for this

[@maggiemaggie2685]

Great stuff, dear Matt. What about further into the relationship, when you have to set boundaries for more subtle personality offenses.? Many Blessings and thanks for your wisdom and insights. 🙏

[@donnayderonov3428]

Hi Matt! Thx for your great channel! Do you have any suggestions on setting boundaries after they have been crossed. I am in the process of learning healthy boundaries for myself and don’t always have them ahead of time. Do you have an approach to setting them after that fact and in a positive/ less scolding way? Thanks a bunch and Happy New Year!

[@wildnfree24]

If you need to think hard about setting boundaries in a relationship, it may not be the right relationship to start with.

[@heyu123]

But everyone needs boundaries incl kids 😅

[@jenniferlu7649]

I don't think this is true. It could be the person is not good at setting boundaries in the first place and need practice with it.

[@reginaquartey3196]

Your videos are the best of all this going to build me up with this boundaries it puts guys off but the one who understand what it take’s ❤will stick around

[@ASpiritOracle-Prayer]

This came to me at just the right time! Thank you Matt

[@oluwadamilolaoriade5426]

I end up the relationship with him last night, because I don't like how he has been doing with me lately and he wasn't going to change about that. I love him so much and I believe he loves me too but something is missing presently

[@lummecelli2297]

I've been struggling a lot with my boundaries once I've decided to please God having sex only after marriage. Txs Matt for this vídeo

[@shawnanaeve2527]

I’m getting into the dating world. And I’m not quite sure how to present my boundary of sex after marriage without sounding harsh. What is a way you presented it?

[@lummecelli2297]

@@shawnanaeve2527 Well, the first thing I always try to do is avoiding too hot physical contact, even though I wanna do it/I try to control myself . Another important issue is to date in public places,; what I always keep in mind is to show the guy that sex with our God´s blessing is what I belive is right...(but if I were you I´d pray/fast in order to asking our Lord to direct your steps and help you say everything you have in a sweet way. God bless you/Good luck) If this is the guy Jesus has for you he´ll understand and accept all of your boundaries agreeing with them;

[@beatrizbecker3728]

@@shawnanaeve2527 Just an idea, but if you like you can also frame it as a question of female psychology/physiology. It's a proven fact that sex increases emotional attachment exponentially for most women, so you might tell your dates you don't want to get attached in that way to a man you have not yet decided is the right one for an exclusive, committed, long-term relationship (aka marriage).

[@improperff6152]

​@@beatrizbecker3728 q

[@paulinanakabugo1271]

Amen 🙏 , yes ladies let's have boundaries

[@randomfun3845]

Awesome advice!

[@averagejane09]

Identifying boundaries is half the battle. I think a lot of us go around not really thinking about boundaries consciously, what they are and how to communicate them. It really is hard though when you like someone and you are afraid to lose them. And then sometimes, we don't know we have a boundary somewhere until it is crossed. And if we don't understand boundaries and why they are important to our well being, it might take a few rounds to realize that a boundary violation is what is happening. We may only realize something felt bad and did't really like it but might talk ourselves out of it. Only when we realize....wait...that was a boundary I didn't realize I had and therefore didn't protect it...we then have to make a choice and have to communicate it....and it sure isn't easy.

[@slonikvasa]

One guy once called me ‘boring’ for not wanting to sleep with him on the first day, and another said ‘you’re all women are evil’. Those things made me lose interest in dating and just a thought of it made me anxious

[@monikavarro2020]

You just described me in the first half of the video.

[@WOGJesusSaves]

This message is right on time

[@timelessredlipstick]

I love this!! Thank you.

[@Kelly-ie1hx]

No one does it like you, Matt.

[@monikavarro2020]

When I try to enforce my boundaries the guy says to me "But I need sex". I told him to go to a prostitute but he said he wants me. Any advice how to get the message through his thick skull I'm not interested??

[@pinkpearlx]

End it. If he can't respect you and your boundaries kick him to the curb. You deserve better

[@monikavarro2020]

@@pinkpearlx I'm not dating him. We're friends and he treats me well as a friend but he also wants more than I'm willing to give. I just want a friendship and he wants more.

[@barbarakelly1916]

@@monikavarro2020 Trying to push a non-dating friendship into a sexual relationship is the act of a selfish, immature and desperate person. Run!

[@carolinamedel7025]

He sounds very immature. You need to spell it out for him. That means, explain to him what a friendships means to you. If he doesn't get it, that means he's a friend with an interest and that is merely to have sex with you.

[@crystaldance5731]

Thankyou mat ❤️😊

[@monikavarro2020]

I have a male friend who gets angry I won't sleep with him even though we're not dating and I don't find him attractive. He finds me attractive but the feeling is not mutual. 😅

[@danicaharley6273]

You don't owe him anything hun. I think you need to be with a better friend ? Perhaps a gentleman with some manners?

[@NoNames-vw3bq]

That's not a friend. Maybe put more space between the two of you.

[@monikavarro2020]

@@danicaharley6273 I agree with you. He doesn't see it that way.

[@monikavarro2020]

@@danicaharley6273 He's been waiting for me to change my mind when I told him I'm not interested in him.

[@Brumbasse22]

Sounds like a "niceguy" type. There are better people for you out there

[@niag9950]

Matt what’s the deal with the person from what’s app crashing your jam. Is this to communicate with you or is someone sleeve scamming your prospects?

[@niag9950]

I’m talking about the person that comments on everyone saying use what’s app to reach “him”?

[@nataliasolakian7928]

I need a gentle guy who RESPECTS me and helps me grow not one who treats me with contempt, hatred, disrespect and harshness. No woman deserves that.

[@deliapasqualini970]

Correct.

[@aliciacoble7854]

My Hubby's family consider ANY type of boundary as rude ,doesn't matter how polite you put it

[@beckyholter9188]

I'm in a long distance relationship with a guy. We have been chatting since August. He is going to buy me plane tickets to go see him in February. How can I set boundaries with him?

[@kamfan80]

Get proof of purchase --- of the plane tickets in your name; receipts; everything. Do NOT get swept up in the offer... DO NOT be in a rush to take a man at his word re this sorta stuff. Be clear headed; calm; measured, get proof in your hands. 💖

[@beckyholter9188]

@@kamfan80 don't worry. I am going to get proof. Thanks for caring.

[@MariamSabaArt]

Once you know what your standards and limits are, you can share them before you fly in? It probably depends on the boundary since it’s not likely you want to give him a huge list he has to memorize. 😅

[@MariamSabaArt]

I hope it works out! 😊

[@dianaschoen4485]

If hes paying, he will expect to sleep with you....hapoenned to me.....

[@shawnanaeve2527]

What would be an affirmative way to express your boundary if you are choosing to save sex for marriage?

[@kamfan80]

Well bloody said Matt💯%. #Australialovesyou 💖🇦🇺💖.

[@midamalait5194]

Hello Mat i found this really great advices, i will try what your wife did one of this days thanks Mat.

[@justme-sz7xv]

My fiance has threatened to end our 3 year relationship when we started the relationship he never said anything after being really deep in the relationship months later he started telling me what he don't like he claims he's left more other important things such as family therefore I need to sacrifice as well If I don't leave my material things he will end our relationship I ended setting my boundaries too late months after the relationship I'm a smoker I wear one nose ring I've always weared three earing I love having my wine on Fridays and if not weekends all depends not always he met me with the things I do and wear now he wants to change me I believe I should stop leave and change on my own not feel forced AM I WRONG ??

[@timcox1682]

Fuck, boundaries are a hell reality if person wants another person on their terms how they are to be, BUT if it’s not who they really are & they indulge it..bye bye soul.

[@sheikchy5752]

Yes

[@karentierney8964]

You gotta kiss a lot of frogs before you met your Prince

[@SaraH-od3et]

Great advice!

[@mirembeleahaisha]

I really love this. Thanks