How To Spot A Covert Narcissist

[@GuardianAngel..]

When you first meet a covert narcissist they are so sweet innocent and childlike there’s a magical quality to them they are the closest thing to a fairy 🧚‍♀️ that you will ever meet in the real world at first they motivate you and make you feel like anything is possible but as time goes by they slowly start to take a more sinister turn and when the mask comes all the way off you come to the shocking realization that this person was no fairy they were a goblin in disguise the whole time.

[@anndillard8681]

yes.. bi - polar.. very critical - negative.. subtle continual negativity.. and yes, depressed.. and yes draining.. and passive aggressive.

[@davidcrowley1985]

The overt narcasist is the loud brash soldier attacking you head on.. The covert is the much more deadly Sniper!!!

[@crencottrell7849]

Covert narcs are the more sneaky coward narcs

[@lazydaisy411]

I finally am free from my narcissist ex husband. He started out as an Overt narcissist, but then when he got sick, he started acting like a Covert. It was all very confusing. My divorce was final on Oct 6th and I’m still doing my inner work to make sure this doesn’t happen again.

[@paulzedx636ninja7]

In grade school when a person told me a covert was observing me in a creepy way, I didn't believe him. Coverts are always the ones you find out the last because it's difficult to believe the warning signs. 🙂

[@clairebearie87]

That's the crunch. Too bad to be true.

[@paulzedx636ninja7]

@@clairebearie87 It's crazy how coverts can sometimes appear to be like they have it together better than their targets. That's what makes it so difficult to tell someone about how abusive they really are. 🙂

[@clairebearie87]

@@paulzedx636ninja7 There's way too many false realities that it's better not to try explain them to others because if they haven't been through it they wouldn't get the different sides to them. What the friends see is not what you get but they wouldn't see that because the narc is SO AMAZING

[@paulzedx636ninja7]

@@clairebearie87 I know narcs can really make the victim look like the bad guy. And then convince everyone they can never do any harm. When in all actuality the opposite is true. 😂

[@clairebearie87]

@@paulzedx636ninja7 Nailed it! Walking away is the only option to stop heaping fuel to the fire. Nothing you can do will fix it, you just have to hope that your character speaks for itself and if not who cares. All that matters is that you can be happy with yourself and know that you are a decent person deserving of much better :)

[@pamhergenroedersulu]

Exhausting . Just wish I had known ..... but now educated . Just finally released after far too long. Been healing for a year . Have a ways to go . Thank you . Super clear .

[@Zeitgeist997]

You need to examine why you're so simple that you saw humanity not there in a selfish and weak individual. They all have the same personality profile type. They're too weak to better themselves and live off of writing proverbial hot checks to others by saying they'll get right later. It takes seeing humanity not there for you to not understand it immediately

[@Zeitgeist997]

Kinda like creeps who put sweaters on dogs or something

[@Zeitgeist997]

Jodi Arias killing Travis Alexander is the textbook template that outlines how someone can mistake the patronizing of others giving up on them as a green lights. Masons telling folks not rising up the ladder because of ego issues that their perceptionis reality was another example of that. That's a clever way of telling someone their thick headed and unfixable without them raging at you but those individuals took that crackhead logic and ran with it as a badge of honor and basically made themselves wizards by thinking whatever delusions that swirled in their baby brain was real life and they don't need to scrutinize their thoughts because their perception is reality. So being weak and not wanting the nuts to go psycho on them created a bigger societal issue for others. The same happened with Jodi Arias. She was a woman who wasn't heavy set and didn't have any obviously bad features. She was basically basic with Caucasian features so her toxic behavior got a pass cause she was a little lady to simps. So that went to her head and when Travis used her for pleasure and wasn't canceling the vacation with someone he liked more he took the brunt of the ignoring of her toxicity that everyone else she ever met did. She murdered him because her view of life was that she could be toxic and everyone looks the other way so now he's firmly saying no to her meant he's wrong so that mark of Cain that was always there came out and she took his life fully thinking everyone will side with her....why? Again, because she mistook others giving up on her by looking the other way or patronizing her as life. You have to check that insanity of ego at the first sign and if they break then you can't take that personally because they could hurt someone in the future being the way they are.

[@c.jacques4057]

l

[@larrywhittemore9362]

Exhausting....is the word!

[@GypsyMaeRose]

The best description of a covert narcissist I've ever seen!👏👏👏 You've just described my mother to a tee!

[@smurfmama2020]

Covert narcs even fool therapists. I had a friend who would manipulate her therapist to get money and gifts by telling her about her sexual abuse trauma. She told me Her therapist said that she never met anyone as abused as her, and that she’s surprised she actually survived. Her therapist gave her gifts of money, sent her son to camp, bought her a computer. It took me a few years to see through the mask but she discarded me when I finally saw. It’s not exactly so covert when you can see it. I saw it but didn’t want to believe it. Believe it when you see it. It will save you a lot of pain.

[@claudiacooper1934]

The acts of this therapist are questionable. This does not sound like a professional relationship.

[@nadsgee7245]

@@claudiacooper1934 I was thinking the same thing..very questionable behaviour and maybe fairly new to the therapy profession.

[@bridget02761]

The fool judges in a court of law as well.

[@smurfmama2020]

@@nadsgee7245 not at all she was a therapist for 20+ years. Truly manipulative narcissists fool therapists also. I had another friend whose therapist was a PhD is psychology, a professor of psychology and specialized in schizophrenia. He wrote many academic papers on it. My friend would bake eclairs for that therapist and the therapist would listen to a lot of Gossip in the name of “ therapy” because this guy was a huge covert narcissist. He was in therapy with him for 20 years and it was all listening to gossip. They are not immune to being manipulated. And can also be huge narcs themselves.

[@nadsgee7245]

@@smurfmama2020 wow, that's so worrying, she was practicing for so long, but maybe she had fallen into a rut with work and no refreshing her skills/training, it happens. However you have a point, that some therapist could be narcs themselves. I wonder what the warning signs are. 🤔

[@Emilys_opinion]

The most evil of them all because they are very well aware of what they are doing.

[@Scorpscorpdorp]

As an empath I was deeply bonded to the covert narcissist. It was hard to get out but I did it. I am beginning to slowly understand my subconscious programming. It is refreshing to repartner. I am about to start NARP. 😇

[@suzanozturk6005]

You'll love ❤️ NARP. Well done for getting it, you'll love it. 🦁🌹🦋🌷

[@violetsabe2913]

I met a covert narcissist at a meditation retreat last January. He fits your description very accurately. Worst of all, this guy does healing work. I felt something was off when he fiercely criticized the other people who were doing the same kind of work at the retreat. Then one day a lunch he snapped when someone gave me a compliment. I think I needed that cross that out of my list before my graduation (I'm a NARPer, now starting the Self Empowered Course). The difference is that after NARP the mask falls off faster, and we know exactly what it means and what to do about. I guess now I've met every type of narcissist. Thank you for another great video, and for all you teach and all you do.

[@joshdance9959]

I think that definitely there are narcissists who are both covert and overt combined.

[@tag_76]

This is spot on. I am constantly accused of seeking attention or flirting with other women if I have any conversation at all even when she is part of the conversation. I work from home and when I hold a Teams or Zoom meeting with my employees, I'm asked repeatedly about "who was that woman talking?" "where does she live?" "what job does she do for you?" "what did you have to talk to her?" and on and on. It's draining to say the least.

[@junkettarp8942]

Yes the victim...always the victim....never their responsibility.

[@nobibabe]

Thank you Melanie you are absolutely right that's how I got caught up with the Covert Narcissist, I wanted to help him love him onto wholeness"- in your words Melanie that's wrong town. I let him go and I didn't move in with him and I followed my Gut. When I'm ready to love again I know the red flags even more because of this Video. Blessings to you and yours 💕🦋

[@HellasGD88]

I think the lunatic i endured for 25yrs was both covert/overt

[@shaniom913]

Thank you, Melanie. So nuanced! I truly think my ex has traits of both variations of NPD. In the end I'm not sure how much it matters. He's a damaged, dangerous human being either way.

[@RMRetief1111]

FACT PACKED ♥️ Heal guys you deserve your freedom

[@msleaanderson4955]

Wow you literally described my covert to the T!!! Your wisdom and knowledge in this disorder is unmatched!

[@reneeschroeder5583]

You answered my question on how a person could be attracted to covert. I came into contact at a park this past season with a covert because I a am survivor from 8 years ago with overt and looked for red flags of this man to be like the grandiose and he was more quiet. I was on guard however I felt him sweeping me and thank god I didnt give my contact ph number. I am learning about covert and thank god I must of had angels looking over me the few times I saw him. He has ghoasted me which is better.

[@billfinn101101]

I was stunned by how he could turn a positive into a negative, and I was shocked that he saw me as the problem. The entitlement is very strong. When we first separated he wanted me to come on the family holiday ' because I can't have a break if you don't come'. I owed him. Glad it was finally so overt.

[@suzywilliams4424]

I met a very interesting narcissist recently who proclaimed she was only interested in channeling Love. She was very charming and wouldn't directly attack people. Instead, if someone felt upset by her behaviour she would tell everyone else that the person was a lovely person but just triggered and struggling. On the surface that sounded fine. But the message actually coming through was that the triggered person was crazy and dangerous. If you pointed this out to the flying monkeys they would argue that she wasn't saying anything horrible about that person, and they were indeed crazy and dangerous. This was in a community of people, so was very divisive and could have been very dark if we hadn't managed it in the right way.

[@rawgasmiclove]

The man I am dis-entangling from right now is like a split personality & is both covert AND overt but not at the same time. He is one one day & the other the next

[@yvonneerrend8217]

Most people mistake these people for being confident!. Sounds like most people I know..😊

[@clairebearie87]

Gee your hair is looking gorgeous :D thanks for your videos

[@rebeccas751]

Thank you Melanie. I know a narcissist that is a combination of both covert and overt depending on the day. Is this possible?

[@MelanieToniaEvans]

Yes Rebecca, there are certainly narcissists that can toggle between both overt and covert depending on what they feel will be best to grant supply and attention.

[@GypsyBrokenwings]

You described my youngest son (overt) and daughter in law (covert). Fooled again... out of concern for the grand daughter.

[@bs-rw6bb]

I think I am a covert narcissist but I am noticing my wrong doings and try my best to change myself as much as I can but problem is that all my ex partners were overt narcissists because their charisma and grandiosity is what I don't have and I was attracked by that. And then they were cheating on me, blaming me, disrespected me and my covert narcissistic traits were stronger and stronger because when I have a partner that openly cheats on me I can't help myself but think bad about that person and blaming them. I beleive if I have a person who is not a grandiose narcissist it would help me be better person too.

[@sideswiped6874]

keep in mid that all Coverts vibrate on different levels! meaning they all operate and pray differently. some are highly subtle, highly secretive, highly hidden because they do not pry on every one. let me explain with this example>. a given Covert (X) may know 50 people that think he is a wonderful and helpful person. yet out of all those 50 people this CoverX may only pray on "say" only 5 or 6%. yet off to the side, he will pull new people into his life to pray on, and none of those other 50 people know these new people he is prying on. as for the people he does not pry on, well those are the people that tickle his ego. because in his mind he has a hidden secret they do not know about! yes I know such a Covert!

[@smonaful]

17:20 funny but sad😆😕. Oh the seeming irony of it all 😳

[@lmgutier]

Do you think some characteristics can be switched? My Dad is more overt but he’s moody and hates people unless he’s drinking. My Mom sounds more covert, but is more “optimistic” and enjoys being around people.

[@lmgutier]

@CJ G Well in my life, in my home, it’s what I described above.

[@Theowlhawk]

Thank you Mel ❤

[@Secretbeachborder]

your hair looks wild I like it

[@rebeccajones8628]

I was thinking the same thing.

[@Secretbeachborder]

@@rebeccajones8628 I guess my comment was superficial and narcissistic though.

[@Wanderer727]

@@Secretbeachborder why?

[@Secretbeachborder]

@@Wanderer727 I m just recovering from a situation where I was thrashed by a narcissist. Didn’t know about the covert type. But I’m also of the mind that I have some of the traits as well. So even though my comment was honest and heartfelt I’m self conscious about making statements like that on a public forum. But what the hell she’s naturally beautiful .....

[@michelej9496]

Could people be attracted to the lifestyle rather than the actual narcissist?

[@shavonnawemadavid2998]

I have been watching a lot of these videos, I'm learning a lot, same time it's confusing, because I found that everyone is narc somehow, what to do.

[@wardbischoff9165]

The cat is most likely a covert narcissist, like all cats.

[@rebellucy5610]

And dogs are the opposite. They are Empaths!

[@darshanashvaequine659]

Totally disagree. Ridiculous.

[@wardbischoff9165]

@Anne M …Says you…

[@sinceresong9907]

Is it possible to be a mix of both overt and covert

[@TheyBenefit]

The 8:13 sound is a narc demon howling in victimization

[@kit2564]

MY NARCISSIST KEPT MENTIONING THE STATE DEPT AND NEVER ACKNOWLEDGED THAT I WORKED AT THE WHITE HOUSE. WHEN I FILED AN EEO COMPLAINT AGAINST A SEXIST BOSS HE ACTUALLY SAID "YOU DIDN'T' ACCUSE AN ARMY OFFICER " -- NO CONCERN FOR ME -- I LOVED HIM FOR 16 YRS, - A LOT OF DAMAGE...

[@MsEnter10]

my dad is a covert narcissist. hate to call him dad. but its not my fault he is my dad.

[@collie8]

I've seen covid narcissist yesterday

[@laciko12]

I heard COVID narcissist! LOL

[@drlarrymitchell]

Cue the Bond theme...

[@Zeitgeist997]

These types of 'undercover dry crackhead narcissists' always compare themselves to others cause they have no self drive. So if you're alone and strong enough to ride solo and they're not they'll tell the friends they had to misrepresent themselves to get that you're hurting that you're alone. That's a perfect example of a dry crackhead that's covert. Don't see humanity that's not there within them. They cry for themselves for the same reason. Nothing wrong happens to them but they cry like the people they attack should be crying. It's supposed to be hard to detect. Evil would have been defeated a long time ago if it were different than being hard to detect without someone great pointing the tropes out

[@MJ-qb5ph]

My God - I think i have become one!

[@tjfSIM]

I expect you would know how a narcissist thinks 🙄

[@Theowlhawk]

❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@godisonelove3557]

That's my father.

[@skymeadow7762]

🙏🌹🦀☀️

[@OperationFoxley19441]

Most UK police officers are like this.

[@OperationFoxley19441]

@CJ G Yes I am.

[@OperationFoxley19441]

@CJ G 100%, London being the epicentre.

[@OperationFoxley19441]

@CJ G A lot of Covert Narcissists are also high performing Doctors, Surgeons and politicians. Politicians like Priti Patel.

[@OperationFoxley19441]

@CJ G The guy is a grade A psychopath underneath all that bumbling act.

[@Le_Brick420]

Imagine meeting Melanie for a lunch/date. I am curious as to what checks off your boxes in a man. I wonder if I would be subject to... personal study or research unbeknownst to my knowing, lol. Have a good day Melanie.

[@tomobedlam9045]

WOW! EVERY single thing you spoke of is EXACTLY what I went through! Here is my one year with my Covert Narcissist/Dismissive Avoidant: MONTH one : Great MONTH two : Greater MONTH three : Fabulous (heavy love bombing begins/mirroring,) one night out for dinner, I ordered Chardonnay which is the wine of my choice. Prior to meeting me, she told me her wine of choice used to be Pinot Grigio. When she ordered Chardonnay, she suddenly became and I quote, "I'm now a Chardonnay girl." She also began liking many things that I liked. MONTH four : Heaven (I love you...) MONTH five : Seventh heaven, this could be "the one." MONTH six : Mask starts to come off (devaluing starts...), No more love bombing which abruptly stopped. Learned that after they say the, "I love you" words, they then feel that they now "have you" and you will not leave them. This is when their true narcissistic ways begin to emerge. MONTH seven : full devalue/dismissive behavior, refusal to talk about issues by ignoring, silent treatment, she would just look away and it seemed I magically disappeared, aloofness, very strange behavior that you would not believe, until it happens to you. It's like they want you in the same house, but in different rooms. MONTH eight : distancing/lying begins (gaslighting also), sabotaging relationship by no longer putting in ANY effort. No reciprocity at all. One sided relationships are not fun at all, yes, you can be in a relationship and still feel lonely. MONTH nine : VERY passive/aggressive in nature, not a care in the world, lying clearly shows. Started to hear less and less from her or even see her. MONTH ten : Frustration sets in. MONTH eleven : I started to feel like everything was my fault. MONTH twelve : I left her for good, NO contact at all, PERIOD MONTH thirteen : suddenly new friend requests on social media from females I had no idea who they were. I don't know you, I don't add you. MONTH fourteen : Her; closure letter mailed to me, but, she'd like me to respond (Hoovering) Me; Still NO contact, too late for her, I DID NOT RESPOND. I felt like I was taking a ride on the crazy train in those last months. A total 180° turn around in her personality. During this entire year, I never met one of her friends, even after saying I would like to meet them. After asking, it was always one excuse after another why I could not meet them, although she met many of my friends during get togethers. Covert Narcissists are the WORST. Can anybody relate to this behavior?

[@tessatrow3351]

wow!! almost identical to mine!

[@anndillard8681]

yes.. victim mentality.. oh poor them.. whine whine whine.. they get a person to feel sorry for them.. then Wham!

[@mistercabron4712]

Its funny how you think you got it figured out.

[@martyrose]

Covert narcissist is another term for demon.

[@feeltheforce7922]

Yeah but everyone is practically a covert narcissist though. Welcome to planet earth!

[@lil--mo2025]

Lots of people have these traits, but I implore oh to see the major difference in those who repeat the exact same negative traits (at least 5 out of 9 in DSM) over and over in several areas of their life. Not just occasionally with certain people, places and things.

[@fleep9008]

@@lil--mo2025 this is a troll. Don't waste your time.

[@lil--mo2025]

Crazy…12 years ago I was in an LTR with an overt and after 2.5 years now I’m 7 months NC from a covert.

[@feeltheforce7922]

This has been so unhelpful. Instead of offering a solution, you energize the problem by focusing on it. Your videos are poison.

[@fleep9008]

You a funny little troll