How to spot a narcissist #3: Couples Therapy (Annie & Mau)

Part 3 of my analysis on Annie and Mau's couples therapy sessions, where I determine if one, both, or neither of them are narcissists.

[@eliseadayme7306]

This part where he refuses to take any responsibility triggers me so much. My narcissistic ex used to tell me “I am not responsible for how I make you feel. They are your own feelings, so it’s your responsibility.” The quote is verbatim. It’s been 5 years that I left him and I still feel all sort of ways about it. You cannot argue or negotiate with a narcissist bcz they are incapable of seeing the world from any other standpoint.

[@kimberlyhacker3334]

Watching this... oh, my life has been so great ever since I divorced the narcissist.

[@thenarcissistwatcher]

Congrats - enjoy the peace (and sanity) 😁

[@millie9814]

There are so many narcissists it's unbelieavable

[@_Garlic_Queen]

I feel like Annie's way of communicating can appear a bit strong and forceful at first, whereas Mau is quite calm. However, it's probably because she has the frustration of not being listened to for her entire marriage...

[@user-rc2fj9nx1l]

He wants her to look crazy and emotional. He's attempting to look like he is calm, and that he has emotional regulation. He is trying to manipulate both Annie and the therapist.

[@angelacoleman6580]

Well any normal breathing soul would.

[@shelleycharlesworth5177]

I knew a borderline narcissist and nothing was ever his fault…he could never apologize -he had no empathy-he was haughty and talked down to me all the time and had explosive anger issues….I finally saw the light and went no contact. I was trauma bonded and no contact breaks the trauma bond.

[@tanyaflanders2196]

He's so exhausting.

[@madeleineparis2187]

He is absolutely unbelievable. I wonder what his childhood looked like… just trying to understand all his narc behaviour.

[@sophiapetrillo3008]

Extremely negligent mother. He ran away with an older woman as a teen.

[@shelleycharlesworth5177]

@@sophiapetrillo3008 he isa huge piece of work and deplorable..ugh..

[@beckyg325]

I love your content so much!

[@olgat.155]

Just watch his body language. His posture is dismissive and aloof, uncaring . It shows no interest in working things out with his wife.

[@SoftestHard444]

Mau is so condescending & insufferable

[@Star-dj1kw]

✅ good video

[@slothrop4751]

Horrendous work from Orna trying to put words in his mouth and making him say things he doesn't feel like saying. Then "Bear that insult!". WTF.

[@user-rc2fj9nx1l]

No. She is correct here. He says he's insulted by Annie saying he's not perfect. The therapist says, "Okay. Then, bear the insult." Meaning, yes. It's okay to feel hurt that your partner is criticizing you. Take the criticism in, feel the pain you're trying to block by ignoring the criticism, and use that to change. He won't, of course, because he's an abusive narcissist. But anyone without a major personality disorder would be empathetic to their partner and want to change to have a better relationship.

[@slothrop4751]

@@user-rc2fj9nx1l no. It's not a therapist's job to say "this is where you're wrong and this is what you should think, feel, say or do instead". Therapists should help patient reach their own conclusions.

[@teinetoa0416]

@@slothrop4751 she is challenging him in way that no one has; therapy is for growth if the therapist sees a pattern it’s her job to help the client to become curious about it. However, when you’re dealing with a person with NPD, insight is more than likely poor and he will not come to that conclusion on his own.

[@slothrop4751]

@@teinetoa0416 might as well say "dude, you're being a little bitch, shut the f up and do as I say, I'm the expert here and you're mentally ill".

[@birdiewolf3497]

Yeah she’s telling him to bear that insult to make the relationship work!! That’s why they are in couple’s counseling!!! Like Mau is essentially saying he’s not doing anything wrong. He’s doing everything right. Annie is the crazy one doing the crazy things. And it’s insulting to suggest that he needs to be more respectful and be less dismissive. So it’s like bear that insult!!!! Do you want the relationship to work or not? Do you want to meet your partner’s needs or not? The answer can be no. Anyway, Orna has to do a lot of work in steering Mau because he’s a narcissist!!! They aren’t going to tell you anything except things that exist on the surface, because they are so disconnected from their sense of self they don’t know anything. That’s what makes them narcissists! Annie is bearing the insult. Annie didn’t argue him down when he said that the way she comes at him is hurtful. Do we actually know that to be true? Annie seems to have developed an extreme level of patience to deal with his foolishness. Annie took in what he said, and let him feel the way he wanted to feel. Because at the end of the day what is important isn’t defending her actions if it makes her partner feel bad, it’s about what will make the relationship work.