How to Stop Bullying, Abusive, Controlling Husbands | Dealing with Narcissistic Husbands

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In this video, Dr. Ben Leichtling discusses abusive, bullying, controlling husbands and how to deal with them. Sometimes the behavior of abusive spouses is subtle, so it's important to recognize the signs of a controlling, bullying husband so you can formulate a plan for dealing with him. Getting controlling, abusive, narcissistic husbands into therapy is not necessarily the best first step for how to stop bullying in your home.
Watch for these warning signs to recognize if you are the victim of a bullying husband:
1. He thinks he knows best about everything; just ask him. He points out all of your mistakes and failings. He thinks you should ask his permission before you do anything. He makes your life miserable if you don't do what he says. His absolute certainty seduces you into self-doubt and self-bullying. You become unsure of your own judgment and wisdom.
2. He thinks he is more important than you are. Your life should be devoted to his needs. His desires, jealousies, issues and concerns (not yours) should be the focus of all interactions. His feelings get hurt so easily that you're too polite or too afraid to upset him by trying to make your feelings or opinions matter.
3. He thinks his sense of humor is correct. He can say whatever he wants and you're supposed to take it. He may put you down in public or he may only do it in private so outside people will think he is so sweet. He makes nasty, vicious, demeaning, hurtful remarks or tells embarrassing secrets about you. Then he laughs like it's a joke. If you object, he says you're too sensitive or he was just kidding. Your feelings are stupid and not logical. And you better not say anything he doesn't like.
4. Everyone is a pawn in his game. You have value only as long as you can help him or you worship him. He is selfish and arrogant. He thinks he should be waited on. Anyone who doesn't help or who gets in his way becomes an enemy. You're afraid that if you disagree, he will strike back at you.
5. He thinks his excuses, excuse him. His reasons are always correct. His feelings are his justifications for anger, retaliation and revenge. If you don't agree, you simply don't understand or you're evil. Self-deluded, narcissistic spouses think their jealousy, anger and hatred are not bad characteristics.
6. His logic, reasoning and rules, rule. He is allowed to do anything he wants -- to take what he wants, to attack or to strike back in any way he wants -- but everyone else should be bound by his rules. If your feelings are hurt by what he has said or done, it's your fault and your problem. He is right and righteous. Everything is your fault. He is a great debater or he simply talks so loud and long that eventually you give in.
7. He doesn't have anything to learn. He insists on doing things his way, even though he fails repeatedly. He won't listen; especially when he is failing.
Also, anyone who bullies helpless people -- like clerks and waiters -- will eventually get around to bullying you. Get rid of him on the first date.
You can never be kind, nice, sweet or caring enough to change him. He is a bullying, controlling spouse and it is not your responsibility to be his rescuer or therapist. You cannot solve his psychological problems.
Don't debate or argue with him. Don't wait for him to agree or to give you permission to change your life. Don't wait for him to empower you. Take power; whether he likes it or not. Plan in secret if you have to. Dump him and get away as fast as you can.
Ignore your self-bullying -- that little voice that doesn't like you, that tells you that your bullying husband might be right. If you don't trust your own guts you'll get sucked in, just like you would into a black hole.
Relentless bullies -- abusive, controlling spouses -- are predators who go after the weak, the isolated and those who don't resist.
If you don't stop allowing yourself to be bullied, he will think you are easy prey. Like a shark, he will just go after you more.
Call Dr. Ben at 1-877-8BULLIEs to discuss your personal situation and to get the coaching you need to plan and execute a strategy for getting out of your abusive situation. Take control and start living your life today.
Here is a link to another of Dr. Ben's stop bullying videos. This one discusses how the abuse of bullying husbands can lead to self-bullying behaviors: • How Abusive Husbands S...
Here is another video on stopping negative self-talk and stopping self-bullying: • Stop Negative Self-Tal...
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