how to stop feeling ugly - once and for all.

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why are we often so hard on ourselves when it comes to our appearance? why do we so easily buy into the pressure of ‘looking pretty’? and why do we so often feel downright ugly?
in this video i talk about how i've myself had plenty of moments where i haven’t been super happy with the way i look, and the first time i remember ever feeling ugly. but most importantly i share my tips on how we all can get out of this feeling-ugly spiral.
check out our PODCAST channel THE MUSTARDS : bit.ly/2BQIp5D
i talk about:
- why do we feel ugly?
- society’s pressure to ‘look pretty’
- being hard on ourselves
- self-esteem and confidence
- feeling good in your body and skin
- my transformation from feeling ugly to feeling pretty
- first time i felt ugly?
- being bored
- being influenced by social media, magazines and tv shows
- ‘are my thighs fat?’
- toxic teenage sisterhood
- stretch marks are sexy
- imperfections
- talking about our own flaws to push others up?
- we do not need to hide / treat / fix / get rid of any of our unique traits
- i don’t balance - i highlight.
- you are absolutely gorgeous as you are
check out our PODCAST channel THE MUSTARDS : bit.ly/2BQIp5D
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#beauty #selflove #bodypositivity

[@NiaPgn]

I struggle sometimes but the worst is when I see myself in pictures. I actually think I look like a whole swollen potato, especially in my face, in every picture or on video. I’m sad because people will not be able to look on my life because I’ve hidden from pictures for so long. I’m almost 40 and nowhere near getting better about this.

[@user-ft3iw8hc7g]

Same! Then I question myself is it how i really look and is it how other people see me...

[@neverbackdown8704]

@@user-ft3iw8hc7g they see u like u see urself in the mirror, when u see ur friend in a mirror he looks same as u see him in real life, pictures don't show the real you trust me, let someone take a video of you, and that you will know how u look for real

[@zf5214]

same. being unphotogenic sucks in a world focused on social media & selfies. i literally cry when i see pictures of myself 😭😭

[@90sHONEY]

It's even been proven scientifically that we are all unphotogenic in the way that nobody looks better in photos than in real life. You DO in fact look better in real life!!

[@get2myhead]

@@zf5214 same bruh i’m just convinced i’ll never be able 2 look good in pics

[@Ally-457]

"when I don't have a project my brain automatically tells me my appearance *is* my project"

[@sarahfreedom7837]

thanks for pointing it out - it is such a common thing to happen!

[@Hanna-nw8mn]

That's so important to remember!

[@fernanka6568]

Yes I can totally relate

[@fernanka6568]

Also very motivating this thought.....

[@TheCHADsession]

Wow that's soooo true

[@lavibele]

I heared someone on tiktok say "dress to express, not to impress" and that really shifted something in me. wanted to share because I thought it might resonate with you

[@DoTheFlopp]

It has with me

[@emilyjane9899]

Since high school started, my insecurity has become so powerful that I can't even spend a single day without thinking about how I look. The thing that hurts the most is that I told myself so many times that I'm ugly that I can't even believe that someone could think I'm pretty. My friends or other people tell me I'm good looking, but there's always something here making me doubt that. I feel horrible, ugly and disgusting, and I don't know how to stop myself from thinking that. I should be my biggest fan, but instead, I'm my biggest hater. I'm tired of this.

[@rola1780]

Same…

[@heesjayu]

I have never felt so related to a comment

[@capedbaldy4778]

Girl same here but the only difference is nobody says i’m pretty or even good looking …even when people say it , it is pretty obvious they’re just trying to be nice you know by saying things like “everyone’s beautiful “

[@awtumn]

I can definitely relate to this. Anytime someone compliments me, I believe they aren't being genuine. I just think "who could possibly find me attractive or good looking". It doesn't help that I use filters when I take pictures, which does a number on my body dysmorphia.

[@cathchapo]

I also noticed that we tend to "dissect" ourselves and that's when the things that could be considered as "flaws" pop out so much. When I stop myself and look at me as a WHOLE (not just my face, not just my belly, not just my thighs), I feel pretty!! But when I start focusing on the details, that's when I step on a slippery slope.

[@lizl1855]

This is sooo true!! I need to switch my mindset on this to focus on the whole!

[@lore5131]

Yes!💖💖💖

[@istdochscheissegal1]

I think this just flipped a switch in my mind

[@armyshope]

I like my details honestly

[@cathchapo]

@@armyshope I'm glad you do! Hopefully, we all get there at some point :)

[@Msfinable]

I feel the prettiest and sexiest when I'm in the middle of doing something I love. Assembling a piece of furniture that is pretty hard to put together but I'm acing it, doing spring work in my little garden box with soil on my face, after a long day of carrying my photohraphy gear and almost dying because I'm not strong but I DID IT, sitting in a library writing an essay I know my professor will be proud of. Those are the moments I feel absolutely GORGEOUS. (It doesn't have to be anything grand or super hard tho, but just doing something I enjoy)

[@majonaisse3986]

This! Somehow when doing something that makes you feel beautiful inside that beauty goes outside :)

[@meftu1374]

❤️❤️

[@lalunalilac]

Your comment made me giggle and made me believe you’re such a beautiful and talented person! ❤️i love to see it! Keep going ❤️

[@noblemily]

Yes! My first time feeling ugly is when I noticed my thighs looks bigger than average teenage girl, and boys always make fun of my muscular calves. I began to love my legs again after I realized I can kick those mean boys harder.

[@cybill28]

Yes, exactly! You go girl!

[@wildfrog7293]

Lol pepole make fun of your muscular calves, one of the dummest things i heard somebody is making fun of

[@itsdashy7790]

even though I'm not being bullied, i still can't believe that I'm pretty it's like I'm spoiled when other people get bullied and it's me here complaining abt my appearance when I'm not getting bullied but i still feel so bad

[@adil0028]

Obviously those boys ain't got no taste

[@mateoorbanic2561]

Muscular legs on women are way better than skinny model ones..

[@Ana-sj5xx]

Growing up, my girl friends and I never talked about our bodies. We were the nerdy type and we never talked about "girl stuff" - and, sadly, self-hatred is very much girl stuff. However, in my first year of college, I had to sit behind this group of girls. Every day, before class started, they would pick their own bodies apart and say terrible things about themselves. They never told each other that they were wrong, that they were gorgeous. It was shocking to me. I gained so many insecurities in such a short time, so many things I had never even noticed, so many things I'm still working through. Women need to break this cycle.

[@sarahfreedom7837]

So true Ana! I hope every girls find at least one "Jenny Mustard" girlfriend to be there for her and to talk lovingly about herself and her body to set an example and break this cycle. And btw. you are beautiful!!! 🌼

[@helenavasic9989]

Very true we need to uplift each other! While on one hand you shouldn’t keep all ur insecurities in you can gain from venting to friends saying it all the time and not resolving the issue will weigh on all of you.

[@saltNpepper952]

That happened to me when i entered junior high too. Was never the type to be insecure but all of a sudden i suddenly wanted to be someone else so i could fit the standard of my community

[@onewayticket2148]

I’ve had the same experience as you. I hope I can keep my inner circle of friends as nice, supportive, and kind people.

[@AngelBien]

Amen sister! We need to build each other up!!

[@elisabethhogman7760]

I realized that I was cherry-picking from my friends’ beautiful looks: that one’s hair, the other one’s blemish free skin, the third one’s legs, creating an impossible standard for myself. It took me a while to realize that my friends were cherry-picking from me too, and that’s when it clicked for me. I’m not more or less than anyone else. We all have the same parts, just put together differently. So why should I waste time on beating myself up about my body? I realize I hold a lot of privilege, with my skin tone and body shape being represented everywhere I look. I have plenty positive time models around me, and it still took me around 12 years to go from kid-feeling-pretty to I’m-the-ugliest-thing-alive to damn-I-look-cute-today.

[@helenavasic9989]

I love this comparison the cherry picking idea makes it easy to see how impossible it is to reach the perfect idea of beauty!

[@arvin536]

The problem is nobody ever compliments me

[@delightfulmystery9527]

@@arvin536 lol I don't get compliments too but in my opinion I would much rather not hear the compliments than to hear them and doubt if they're even true. I would prefer the compliments coming from myself. But u know wut, let's do it why not, ur charming and lovely whoever u are. :)

[@jillmont3342]

@@arvin536 since no one compliments you, you just have to fuel your own confidence

[@yy.189]

oh my gosh yes i cherry pick too!

[@AB-jg3tb]

Big part also plays the moment you are told something is not "pretty" about you during teenage years. I think these comments really stick, even though they might be meant as joke and overtime become internalized self-critic. I remember two moments from my life during early teens when somebody very negatively commented my body and my face (not as a joke) and I can still feel the way I felt in those moments. Even though now I reliaze that those comments are completely irrelavent and I am great and beautiful exactly as I am. But boy was that a long hard way to get to this place.

[@carolannf]

I agree with this completely! I recall an aunt saying to me when I was 15 ‘you poor thing you got your mothers thick ankles’. That was 55 years ago and all my life until about 2 years ago I fretted about my ankles. I covered them up as much as I could, never wore a dress, always pants. 😢. Similarly, someone made a negative comment about my height (170cm/5’7”) being too tall for a girl. For years I slouched trying to look shorter. Thankfully I got over that quicker and love my height now and realized it’s not actually even very tall! Peoples words at a vulnerable age can have a huge impact. I never make a negative comment to anyone about their looks or appearance because of my own experience.

[@AB-jg3tb]

​@@carolannf The worst part is that your aunt probably forgot she said it a week later and it was kind of throw-away-comment for her. My mum once told me that my shoulds are too big. And just like you I covered that part through my whole teenage years. Few years back she asked me something about sleeveless dress (or something, not sure) and I told her "but you told me it doesn't suit me because of my shoulders". Turned out she did not remember that at all and swore that she does not (and never did) think that (which I believe since I actually really don't have broad shoulders). I am glad to hear that you got over that comment and I hope you are rocking some beautiful dresses these days!

[@ami-do5ku]

Yes it happened to me...I know how bad this is ...just here trying to feel better arrh

[@brooklynnx2663]

yes it’s way harder to be confident when people have made negative comments about your appearance. people (especially guys) are so rude to me and i don’t know why😐

[@fariadeel6677]

Same thing happened to me when I was 13.

[@bradgantt1818]

As a parent of a 21 year old daughter, I truly appreciate you shining a light on this important issue.

[@demetzy1]

I recently was looking at old photos and saw some of myself as a teenager and remembered how I agonised about my looks and I was so cute! I now try and remember and try to keep in mind that one day I when I am older I will look back on pictures now and think the same now- so enjoy it. I love my grey hairs as I have purple hair and they are like free highlights

[@ViviCaligo]

So something that's always been a big hit to my self esteem is my fine hair, when I realised that I was constantly trying to style it like someone with thick hair one of those switches flipped back. My hair is mine, it's never going to magically thicken so why not style it like it deserves, I can rock a blunt cut like a god damn queen.

[@surlespasdondine]

cool Marge Simpson pic.

[@kristinalazarus4956]

same!!! I'm wearing it long anyway, even though every magazine/people tells people with fine hair to cut it really short. I like it long, I try not to compare it to thick hair, but it's actually pretty hard not to

[@surlespasdondine]

@@kristinalazarus4956 I would swap with you, I love looking at long thin hair and I constantly despair because no matter how much I thin it out it always grows super thick again. I always try to flatten it because it doesn't look good, I feel like a lion🙃

[@hgzmatt]

@@surlespasdondine Same here! :D What a mane.. I think I want average hair, that will do.

[@zahraamin164]

same, giving up layers for the blunt cut was the best decision 😤

[@kaleysaari5246]

I remember looking at my thighs and thinking I was fat, too. I also felt mature for my negative mindset towards my body- which says a lot about societal pressure.

[@jk_original]

True! I remember as a child i never understood why grown up women talk about being too fat or say things like they couldn't eat that piece of cake or whatever.. And when those thoughts occurred to me the first time I somehow felt good about it - because that made me an "adult"? That's so fucked up 😳

[@sarahfreedom7837]

@@jk_original It's crazy to keep realizing how many things in life were taught to be a definition of something! Hating our bodies = being woman, etc. And the moment you feel like you realize them all, another realization strikes and all you think is exactly what you wrote: "That's so fucked up 😳"

[@kalpic11]

That was literally the first thing I noticed when I started believing I was fat (thighs) I am now- but when I started thinking that as a kid I was literally skinny in pictures. Not to say fat is bad, just saying how perception can change how you see yourself.

[@SwedishTourist]

I think this might have happened to me, too. It’s fucked up, yeah.

[@anitamusayo9865]

my way of getting rid of the obsession for my imperfection was to 1) realize that it doens't have to matter how i look, like i can look real bad but that should not preventme from being a valid and worthy human being. i have the right to be "ugly" or whatever i look, i don't have to fit in! 2) if i stop judging others i'll also stop judging myself so harshly, which is similar to what you said, so gradually i stopped caring about how others look and especially stop TALKING about it with the people around because that'll only make me more self conscious

[@ayana1068]

As soon i see myself in pictures i cant stop thinking about how ugly i am and thats sad but cant help it ._. also i like that you speak about this topic on your channel :D

[@helenavasic9989]

omg I don’t love seeing myself in pictures either I can appreciate a selfie but if you take one of me it’ll take a million tries to get the angle right (bc my expression or something will look off to me)! I tell myself that picture is not who I am it’s a flat one dimensional photo of one moment it’s not three dimensional me no one sees me as that they just see me as ME! ❤️

[@christinaolivia3475]

I have never felt pretty... in the way that western society considers pretty. I have a high forehead and a big nose... small lips and boobs. I even have a dowagers hump from too much slouching when I was a shy, uncomfortable kid. Then one day I realized that in many other cultures my features are beautiful. I'm almost 40 and now I really don't care what people think. My mother, father, nonno and nonna areall beautiful and I am their byproduct. There should be no standard on beauty. My husband thinks I'm beautiful inside and out and so do I.

[@MakeUpWitch]

Wow, you look like those elegant ladies from historical portraits!

[@christinaolivia3475]

@@MakeUpWitch lol me?

[@marissa4603]

I have a high forehead and big nose too! :D I always loved them bc I think I look like a little fairy/alien~ I'm glad you feel beautiful now!

[@christinaolivia3475]

@@marissa4603 ooo i want to join the alien/fairy club! Being human is so boring!

[@sueg2456]

I have been told i was fat since the age of 3 years and that if i wax fat i would never get married. No man wants a fat wife. Now i am 55 an never married. My current boyfriend never comments and tells me i look pretty or anything when we go out. It effects me. It takes a lot to look myslef in the mirror and tell myself i am beautiful. Sometimes i cannot. At the end of the day i know i am not bad looking. Isn't it amazing what telling a child in formative years will do to them in later years.

[@CandyMountainTV]

oh god the 'double pressure' thing is 100% how i'm feeling, the way that modern girls/women don't "just" have to be pretty, we have to be pretty AND smart to be a 'good woman' or whatever fuck

[@alexforce9]

Just try to be a modern man when you have to be tall and successful. You at least have make up.

[@toxicsugarart2103]

@@alexforce9 men and women both have unrealistic standards, but don’t try to make it out like one group has it worse. This girl is just being frustrated with her own problems, and it undermines her struggle by saying “my problems are worse than yours”.

[@alexforce9]

@@toxicsugarart2103 Its just funny to see women to complain when they have to bring something to the table whe their own expectations of the others are sky high. And btw - men dont pressure women to be smart. We dont care about your educations or degrees. So if you feel pressure to get them - its from other women lol.

[@toxicsugarart2103]

@@alexforce9 I’m not saying all men think that way or that women can’t pressure other women. But it’s the same on both sides, the average woman doesn’t care about height or money either.

[@wendybone8104]

I find that other people never let me forget what I look like. It's really hard to maintain my self esteem when I'm feeling good and minding my own business, then a colleague says, "You OK? You look so tired." 😐

[@tonyadutoit4762]

This is something I feel like I can relate too as well. I have quite dark under eye circles and the skin is quite sunken in. I just think I look so tired and like a zombie, some days I just don't like the way I look at all.

[@martaascensao713]

Same! For a very long time everybody told me I was a walking skeleton. Then, I put on 8kg during quarantine and felt great. When I got out, people told me I am fat and I should lose weight. Never good enough..

[@louisehosie1]

I get this I'm 37 and only 5ft with a small frame and people remind me daily I'm small I get it all day every day, as if I don't already know? It kills me inside.....

[@trudymade8008]

“No and I’d appreciate if you didn’t point out your unprompted opinions about how I look. Thanks.”

[@jee-ah-nuh8815]

That's what people say a lot to me too, they point out my eye bags (which are genetically really big and blue) and call my nose a Jew nose

[@rebeccaenbrecht1087]

I don't have memories about me felling pretty ever in my life. Ever since I can remember I felt ugly. And it is really hard to not think about my flaws negativly when there are so many.

[@helenavasic9989]

I hope you can get to a place where you truly feel beautiful but just know this even those who have flaws who aren’t “societies idea of beautiful” are valid you deserve to be happy and love yourself for your own well being! Also the moments I’ll say I “felt prettiest” where not when I stared at myself but when I wasn’t analyzing myself and doing my favourite things and just having fun I hope you have and will have many more moments like that were you smile and just feel content 💗💗

[@LavendrHoney]

Right? Especially when the ppl in your life who are supposed to make you feel good are also the ones that bring you down

[@morningmooncreative]

There is an amazing book called beauty sickness which touches on how women are programmed to be hyper focused on their looks and how society is also programmed to value women’s looks before anything else and how it’s impacting our mental health. It’s extremely unfair because we are so much more than our looks.

[@Izuuun]

I always loved stretch marks, probably because no one ruined them for me before I came to like them, I also noticed that now that I'm on my fitness journey I feel so much more confident the stronger I get, every new bit of visible muscle is so exciting ✨

[@avaanarchy]

Kinda late, but I am the same way! When I was younger, I was pretty lanky and all the pretty older girls were curvy and shorter, so I started to work out cause I felt insecure My motivations are different now, but back then I noticed I had gotten some stretch marks, and I knew that was when skin stretches a lot or “constricts?” More, so I felt like I was getting results. I’m really happy they never got ruined for me

[@Izuuun]

@Hela ni I purposely scratched my chicken pox scabs so I could have scars 🙈😅

[@raidexe]

@Umbra they’re not cool when they literally are everywhere covering your body

[@summero-my5in]

Yeah I’ve never been bothered by stretch marks or cellulite, some things I hear other women complain about a lot

[@AK-kb5rr]

I feel like the secret to not feeling ugly is to stop comparing yourself to others and making the time to appreciate everything that makes you, you... like your personality, your hobbies or talents... not just your looks. Having said that... easier said than done lols I love your videos ~! thank you for sharing, Jenny!

[@maddydohnt3736]

what if you have no talents lol

[@bingbong6323]

@@maddydohnt3736 omg exactly. like sometimes i think i have to make up for my lack of personality and talents with my looks, that's why i'm so harsh on myself. i have 0 personality and think like a hive mind, and i have no cooking, no cleaning, no drawing/painting, no musical, no computing, no dancing, no language, no literature, no athletic, no... skills at all.

[@maddydohnt3736]

@@bingbong6323 me too 💀

[@bingbong6323]

@@maddydohnt3736 no talent ganggg 🥳✌

[@evazhang6502]

@@bingbong6323 when I read your comments, it makes me wanna give you a big hug. I felt like this way before as well, I wanna tell u that you are wrong about it :)! You have personality of course! Everyone has an unique personality! You are beautiful in your own way! You just haven’t really opened it up to yourself!!

[@sakurajennifer]

I felt the boredom reason so so so badly! Since COVID happened I just had way too much time to think about all my insecurities and all of the compulsive behaviour came with it. Happy to share now that I've been able to funnel that energy to a better purpose :D

[@zenabumblebee9738]

I know my body's only purpose is to house my soul, so looks truly don't matter. But I honestly can't think of one time that I felt pretty in my life, and that hurts my soul.

[@sherbetstraw]

Aw I’m sorry 😞

[@mar-kelw3673]

That would be hard. But you’re not alone in that feeling so maybe that can comfort u a little.

[@sherbetstraw]

Because I believe in God, I know that he at least thinks of me as his beautiful creation. Don’t know if that helps you at all. Do you believe in God?

[@sabrinabenoit6836]

You said that so perfectly…

[@AmyTiptonJohnson]

My mom always said that for women, their early 30s are the best years - it's when you become confident of who you are in all aspects. Now that I'm past those years, I think she was right because somewhere in your 40s (for a lot of us) your body begins to change again and it's kind of like going through puberty backwards where you are once again awkward, uncomfortable, moody, and don't seem to fit anywhere or into anything. A lot of women overcome this and feel "pretty" again, but it's different than before. I think the important thing to know is that even if you accept how you look at one age, it isn't going to last and you'll have to keep adapting and accepting. It's better to try and take looks out of it altogether and accept who you are as a person but that isn't easy, and is probably harder these days with social media and influencers.

[@TraciTariVlog]

Wow this is so interesting! As a girl in my mid 20s I look forward to the ups and downs of the journey 😊

[@sarahfreedom7837]

Amy you are so lucky for having a role model to share this little secret with you 😀 I wish it was spoken about more often - about the fact that "it all gets better with age"! Maybe women would even stop fearing aging so much and look forward all the mental benefits that aging actually brings!!! 🌼

[@sophiafried_]

i find 40/50 year old women so so beautiful. i think it's something about owning yourself in a way that isn't possible when your 20 or 30. i hope I remember that when I reach that age and can see myself how I see these gorgeous middle aged beauties now (im 25)

[@jennyh.2381]

I’m in my early 30’s and I am no more confident now than I was when I was younger. I hope that someday I will feel confident.

[@Zerion]

At least attractive people have heydays when they are young, we uggos had nothing and had to work harder.

[@tiaxhna532]

I watched this because It was highlighted to me how much I avoid taking photos. I have no real photos with my friends,bf,mom etc because I can’t look at my face. I am working on it but I didn’t realise so many people felt the same

[@lilah1531]

Me too I hate taking pictures.

[@user-hx6vo6lc1k]

I grew up hearing that I am fat and not beautiful, especially from my mom. And I wish!!! that she would have put emphasis on me getting smarter, acquiring logical and cricical thinking skills, reading books etc instead of me just getting prettier and slimmer...

[@AngelaGrant-uf9go]

Yep..I hear ya💚

[@nichelleswinney9337]

I never comment, but this is perfect. I've said this exact thing, and felt this exact way when I was younger, even the picking apart what we hate about ourselves between friends. I am 53 now, and love who I am, flaws and all, it is me. I love and have accepted my imperfections and focus on the positive, and relay this to the ones who I love and are struggling with self love. Comparisons are the worst, because no one is the same, that is the beauty of it. It is utterly unfair to compare ourselves to anyone (magazines, social media etc) we are all truly unique. Thank you. I am sharing this.

[@jessthelingwist]

A very important message. Thank you for this video. As a teenager I always felt ugly. I had acne, was wearing glasses, didn’t wear the newest stuff and we had a very serious bully problem at school resulting in groups of boys telling me and my twin sister: you’re so ugly, one should decapitate you. Needless to say that words like these hurt a lot and leave their scars. I still find myself looking in the mirror sometimes thinking that I’m ugly but I have to say that it’s not as bad as during my teenage years. Accepting the way your body looks is difficult sometimes. But I also have to say that the older I get, the less „ugly-moments“ I have, e.g. I completely stopped wearing make up, even though I always thought I’m only pretty wearing it. Long way to go, but I’m getting there.

[@sarahfreedom7837]

Cheering you on with your journey Jessica! Also, the older you get the easier it will naturally be I think 🌼 take care beautiful!

[@manupolewka7512]

Yes, very good ! Step by step ! You will get there ! You are beautiful the way you are ! Have a nice day ☀️☀️

[@CameronSmithsss]

In my world there is no such thing as ugly everyone just has different teachers U r all beautiful and amazing

[@TheSeledoonArmy]

Honestly I ain't gonna stop feelin ugly cause I know I'm ugly but at this point I just accept it. My main focus now is money and providing for my family.

[@suwaibah4890]

Self-acceptance is the most liberating… beautiful and whole feeling yet.

[@MAG1256]

The bit about having to look good and sound smart (double the pressure!) really spoke to me! A study on student feedback for university science courses in the US showed that while comments for courses with male lecturers focused on course content, a large proportion of feedback for courses with female lecturers focused on * how they looked and dressed * ! That spoke volumes for me.

[@khushimishra2947]

My first time feeling ugly was my family constantly pointing stuff out that is wrong with me.... even now I cant get myself to look in the mirror without crying

[@cupcake4041]

Omg saaame my own mother who brought me into this world points out my insecurities and it kinda hurts although to her it's alright. My siblings also and all my friends. I can't even get myself to look at the mirror

[@wildpuddle]

I’m so sorry that you are treated this way. It will get better one day and you will be able to be surrounded by people who treat you the way you deserve to be treated.

[@wildpuddle]

@@cupcake4041 I’m sorry that your mother is unable to see that what she says hurts you. It will get better one day even though it may not seem like it. (Also if you are saying your friends make fun of your appearance, they aren’t your friends) stay strong

[@khushimishra2947]

@@wildpuddle Thank you so much, those words mean a lot!

[@iodonieaa]

My mum just thinks I’m being stupid complaining about this which hurts

[@izamalczykjewelry]

My perspective has shifted over the years from trying to be pretty to focusing on being interesting. This is where your own personal quirky style can lift you up and change your perception of yourself. Accepting your own composition with all its weird, hence unique aspects is what makes you special while complying to current beauty standards will always put you in line with others.

[@ameliam1396]

You’re lovely! What a beautiful and well intentioned video. I feel your kindness through the screen.

[@Iolanthe333]

I started thinking I was ugly at the age of 4 or 5 because the children at my school bullied me for having glasses. :/ Then I had really terrible acne in high school and felt so disgusting all the time. I still go in and out of the ugly feelings because I have bad scarring and occasional breakouts. But I'm getting there at age 30.

[@lindagray1809]

And then I got old...glasses, scarring, flab, and now wrinkles and sag. It's fascinating but horrible.

[@anski2209]

some days ago i found stretch marks on my hips and tbh i was so happy about them! i don't know why but although i know that i am 'meant to hate them' by society, i really love them. they feel like a new beginning, like a snake getting rid of its old skin in order to grow new skin. so so beautiful!

[@danitiwa]

Zebra print

[@devincristopher3]

I became more confident when i moved to dallas and saw other boys carrying purses and realized i was not as alone in the world as i thought 🎀 I'm back in tennessee now but with a world more confidence🎀❤️🎀

[@whitealbum4603]

Through the whole junior high school i felt as insecure as never before, the other girls looked like goddesses to me while I was the ugly and lonely one. I would never reveal I felt like this even when my thoughts became too overwhelming for me to control. I'd use sarcasm and pretend to be confident about my looks when needed. I hated going shopping so much. It meant I had to try various clothes on, only to realize I look terrible in them, i saw myself as fat but i really wasn't. My mum had always been prasing me for turning into such a pretty girl, but I couldn't let myself believe her. I wanted to change myself so much, until I found some old photos of my deceased grandma in her 30s. I realized i was her complete copy. I had never liked my face, but something changed in me when I spotted the resemblance. I felt proud. Because she was a beautiful and very sweet person and her loss had an important impact on my family but i was too young to understand it when it happened. I still prefer baggy clothes and feel awkward in the beach, but I sometimes have some time for myself to appreciate my talents, goals and progress over the years. I've only got 2 more years of school left and a whole life ahead me. No matter how sexy and pretty the popular of my class girls are, they will never be me: an adhd art teen with an overdose of creativity, humour, incredible daydreaming abilities and determination when it comes to topics that interest me.

[@user-mx1tp5xs4u]

I feel like as a kpop stan i got much more insecure since there perfect with their body and faces and voice👤💔

[@kaiheartsyou]

me too

[@vina221]

Your comment about by commenting about things we don’t like will make others also think about them is so true! Thanks for this video- it’s high time we change the way we talk about ourselves and giving ourselves more love

[@sarahfreedom7837]

So true Davina! We can make the difference ourselves every day! I am much aware of this fact and I make sure I always say positive things about myself and my body in front of my younger sister and it does make a huge difference in the way she is accepting her body while growing up!!! 🌼

[@irenechristou1698]

i'm grateful for my first interaction with stretch marks. i saw a post on social media that compared them to a tigress' stripes. not only have i NEVER felt insecure about them (or believed society's opinions on them), but they also happen to be my favourite part of my body! i like to think of them as tiny lightning bolts gracing my skin

[@sarahfreedom7837]

Beautifully said, Irene! Your body must be thanking you for this approach every day! 🌼

[@lilibaro1579]

hey you! yess you who is reading this! you are being pretty!

[@Alisha.10]

The annoying thing is that looks can get you far in life. I believe my appearance has prevented me from getting taken seriously. I get treated differently when I make an effort with makeup. I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have got messed around if I “looked the part” 🙃 It’s nice to think that looks aren’t everything but it’s not realistic in today’s society

[@helenavasic9989]

I agree looks sadly play a too large role (and I’m so sorry you were treated that way) nonetheless glad this video highlights how we shouldn’t let that cause insecurities and self hatred inside us.

[@camellializ]

Thank you Jenny for this video 💕 I remember feeling inadequate in my body as young as 5 years old, at my first day at kindergarden. I asked a group of girls playing "mermaids" if I could play with them and even though most of them said yes, one girl said "she cannot be a mermaid because mermaids are pretty and not fat". When I ran away crying and told my aunt (who worked at the school) she said something like "you souldn't be upset, you can't expect people to not notice your overweight". I remember being ashamed of my body from that day on and it only got worse over the years. It's sad that I'm 25 years old, no longer fat at all, but still remember it vividly. I've worked hard on accepting myself and I've improved a whole lot. All the things I used to hate, now I don't mind. Some of them I even love now, but I still haven't spend a whole day without thinking my legs are too thick, my arms too fat, my stomach too big, etc. :( I feel this conversation is sooo important and I wish someday we can live in a wold where every girl and boy and other can feel beautiful no matter what, because we all are. However, this tips are a GREAT start. Brilliant as always 💕

[@selmadebbache2346]

"i don't balance... I highlight" 🙏

[@esme374]

I'm 13 and I have super low confidence and feel ugly almost every day because I have a face full of acne. I look at everyone else and they all have only a few blemishes if not totally clear skin and it makes me feel terrible and like everyone thinks I'm ugly. I just want to hide myself away. I wash my face 2 times every day and I moisturize, but it just doesn't go away. Thank you for making this video and helping me to realize that ugliness is only a worry and can not be described with any appearance

[@BakedBiLex]

This video is what I needed through my own healing journey, thankful for your vulnerability

[@V01D.mp3]

I related to this so much! Back when I was a small child, I used to love my face so so so so so much. Then, something changed around my late teens. Not even the bullying in my early teens brought me down but an abusive relationship was all it took to completely strip me from my self-esteem. I am healing. It is a process and I'm loving myself and the way I look more and more again every day.

[@sarahfreedom7837]

Wanted to send you a warm hug Elina! Keep going and stay gentle and loving to yourself in the healing process. I know you can make it and I wish you all the strength in the world! Rebuilding self-esteem is a challenge and you deserve finishing it 🌼

[@SingYourselfWell]

💖 Lovely and so so necessary, Jenny! As my body ages, I often think, what the heck did I ever complain about in my youth when things were pretty good?! Now the challenge is to STILL, even now, be grateful for health, looks, and my individual traits, even when wrinkles are increasing. And yes, projects, what we want to create in our life for ourselves and others, are so much more important than looks. And suddenly looks don't even exist! Thanks for this Jenny. 💖

[@marianamihalache8554]

I stopped feeling ugly after I have done a combination of things to have my negative energy removed. After a while not only I started feeling beautiful but I also started ro look much better . I started getting approached and I don't even struggle to put makeup on or nice clothes. I just feel better and more confident. I don't know which one of these things worked but I did a spell with black candle ,salt and a mirror to remove the negative energy, someone did some kind of spell for me as well to make me feel better and attract love, I burned bay leaves and also my aunt went to the church to pray for me and she got me some souvenirs(It is a very famous church in my country). She bought a flower which she named after me and the flower started blooming after a while . This is my experience. I have to mention I never used black spell to hurt anyone ,I just used to manifest good energy in my life.

[@uuhhhahahahahajahahha]

that's really inspiring:)

[@letalnosc3664]

thank you for this video, it's really hard not to fall into this dark hole full of insecurities now and it's nice to hear all the things you said in this video. I think the biggest thing for me is not matching to beauty standards when it comes to my body because i don't really have big curves & my lips are more on the smaller scale and no matter how much i try to accept it, something always pulls me back & points out all of my insecurities and i start comparing myself to other people. And i swear, seeing myself in pictures is literally the worst thing that makes me feel ugly almost instantly, even if i feel pretty that day after looking at myself in the mirror.

[@arnaudromeronina7496]

But what if other people (like friends, family) tell you your igly and point out your insecurities everyday? It doesn’t help

[@vansan3211]

I just found your channel via your childfree videos being suggested to me (34 year old married woman getting my tubes removed in March 2021). I’m now watching all of your other videos. You’re such a beautiful person with wonderful, unique insight. I was a big tomboy growing up (my whole life, really!), so I never wanted to be pretty or even look like a girl until 8th grade. I remember wanting to be pretty and thin starting in 8th grade, but I was very athletic and not accustomed to dressing nicely or wearing makeup. I developed eating disorders that extended through high school- first exercise-induced anorexia for two years and then bulemia for 3 years, varying in severity. One way I was able to recover from the eating disorders was exactly what you mention: I kept myself busy. My parents specifically used to plan a family activity after dinner so that I wouldn’t be tempted to retreat to my room and purge. I have found what you say to be so true my entire life: when I don’t feel positively challenged in life, when I don’t have a project, or feel bored, I tend to criticize my looks and make my looks my project. So happy to hear that you’ve learned to absolutely love yourself in your entirety. I’ve come a very long way and these past 2-3 years have probably been the most impactful after going through a health struggle, overcoming that health problem, and being forced to rediscover myself and my identify. Cheers to you!

[@prarthanachandra6646]

for the longest time, I found humour in self depreciation and could never take a compliment without deflection. Only recently did I realise that this stemmed from my own inner insecurities- and realising this fact and attempting to do otherwise has been the most liberating step in my self-love/acceptance journey!

[@aishasato465]

I'm so happy that you've found peace in your self journey. As for me, it's hard for me to admit, but I never had that initial "I'm so pretty" phase in my childhood. My parents are wonderfully incredible people, but I cannot remember a single time they called me pretty, in fact, I distinctly remember more than a few occasions where I was criticized for my body. As I grew up, gained more insight and experience, my self esteem is much, much better than it was when I was a teen, but I'm still on my journey, no rush :) Im not sitting here crying about how my parents were mean to me because they really werent, they provided me with an amazing upbringing, but I do feel it couldve helped me a bit more in how I treated myself if theyd maybe done things a bit differently. I'm in my early twenties now, and the other day I saw a girl rocking big curly hair, and I dont think I'll ever forget the sparkle in her eyes when I told her she looked gorgeous. I think I am healing.

[@helenavasic9989]

Love this comment I wish you the best in your self love journey! Remember it’s not always linear we all have our good and bad days but over time you will put less emphasis on what everyone else thinks! Have a lovely day gorgeous your comment really resonated with me thanks for sharing❤️

[@Hakwoxdbjwznek]

Thank you so much for this video! You seem like such a well intended person, and this video just is so right. I can totally relate, and I’m so glad I decided to watch it!

[@curseword86]

Wow! That bit about it feeling glamorous as a teen when degrading ones self.... accurate as heck! I was always the bigger body type... chubby, boobs, belly and an ass... when the stretch marks came in I became obsessed with covering up with jumpers and baggy jeans.. I would also cut any part of my body that had an imperfection 😥 Now I'm 34 and left with scars... I refuse to read magazines that suggest I need to be or look a certain way.. I'm busy fixing my psychology at present and that's been so freaking rewarding when it comes to how deeply I can love myself... as I am... Your content is always fantastic! Thank you for today's thoughts!

[@lauraneiva3512]

Every woman should watch this video! Thank you!

[@zucchina89]

I love your philosophy about when and how to talk about imperfections, so much 🤗 I will be making this my mantra, thank you for this precious thought, you gorgeous human!

[@margkw4]

So true!!! I can relate to most of the facts you state, and having battled the past 15 years with anorexia I still find it hard to love my body as it is!! My struggle now, that I am 35, is to teach my 2year old daughter to love her self as it is, because she is perfect the way god made her

[@tokitobe2450]

The secret is age & realism! I've long accepted I look perfectly average - better than some, less beautiful than others, with above average physical strength (not visible). Average/above average is fine by me. But a friend got utterly offended when I told her we both look pretty average for looks, which is simply a fact. Nobody would mistake us for models or actors. The key is to ditch the socially imposed standard that all women *have to* be beautiful. Actually we don't owe that to anybody, and there's still a very high probability of finding love.

[@LoveRadha]

I never thought to love my imperfections, I'm in my 30's, I haven't felt beautiful since I was a 18, everyone said I was but one person kept pointing out things that were wrong with me, and so I changed my looks so much that I no longer recognize myself. That same person was depressed and I also learnt what depression feels like because of them, these things are really contagious, I hope you all get through it, it's nice to see someone be real and positive about it

[@constancegabriel-haevecker5912]

Thank you for this video! I had a few lightbulb moments watching it. And in the add I immediately saw after titled "lose those love handles", my brain read "love those love handles" at first. Thank you for that!

[@oliwiawierny1194]

I feel warmth just listening to you.

[@TrueStature]

Oh yes, I like how you said it's going from "pretty to ugly". So much truth. Thank you

[@daral.4032]

Thanks Jenny, I found your video when I was feel particular ugly and sad about it. It made me feel better, tack så mycket!

[@sharonhollander7001]

I can relate to that so much! When I was younger I thought that I was genuinely beautiful and I don't know when it happened but something changed and I became very aware of my imperfections and my appearance. It might have been when I first got a phone and discovered bad selfie angles actually! I think I'm finally getting to the other side of it and coming back to how I felt when I was younger. Its not that I don't care what people think anymore, just that I care more about what I think and how I see myself, if that makes sense. I see my insecurities as things that make me unique and although that's very cheesy, thinking like that makes me feel more secure in who I am.

[@KajaKubicka]

YES!! we need more videos like this one!

[@alessiasutherberry]

Love this video so much! Super enlightening 💛 women deserve to feel beautiful and beauty is different for everyone x

[@mrsjaynesarah1923]

I really needed this. You're amazing ❤

[@JulieLeChef]

I love this! Thanks Jenny

[@AstroMarta]

This is so needed and so calming!

[@talyahrachel]

i think the first time i noticed i had a body that needed to be prettier was when a friend of mine started pointing out things on herself that she changed and how i should too. shaving her hair arms and hairy legs and “wow, you have the same kind of hairyness as me, i bet you would look so beautiful with smooth skin.” i know it was not from a place of hate or bullying, and it was really likely that someone said the same things to her and created insecurities that were shared with me (ones i also went to share with my sisters). it’s a terrible cycle and i am so glad to grow up and learn to be pretty by just being myself.

[@helenavasic9989]

True I saw a good example that even body shaming yourself is harmful to those around you ie your example! I love this channel not only for messages like this but how everyone talks about body shape and what to wear for your body shape but in a video she mentioned highlighting things you love about yourself (so big hips show them off or whatever you love) it’s not about do cover up that about embracing your body

[@Nicole-on3qt]

This is propably the most beautiful eye shadow I've ever seen and she has such pretty big eye lids. That combo is just perfect :)

[@Akira-fc3qp]

This is such a great video! Thank you for making it! I would add to the feeling bored point: For me, it's also when I have a bigger problem that I feel I focus more on my "faults" to shift the (negative) energy. It's easier to focus on something on my body than on the real problem that cannot be solved - like the loss of a loved one or a breakup.

[@lucinda7597]

something that ive come to realize is that everyone wants what they cant have: for example i have incredibly thick and hard to manage hair, and for a period of time i absolutely hated it. i would constantly straighten my hair to the point of bad heat damage yet it would never turn out the way i wanted and i wanted so bad to have thin, straight hair that was easy to brush. that all changed when i talked to a friend who had this type of hair, and she confided in me that she absolutely hated fine hair because she didnt like the way it styled and hated the lack of volume. she told me that she wished she could have my hair, now i love my hair and wouldnt change anything aboyt it, what people need to remember is that people are going to be unhappy no matter what and the only thing you can do is embrace and love what you already have

[@thistleteastudies]

Thank you so much for this video Jenny. ❤️ I feel like with lockdown and being stuck in the house makes it so much harder to mute those online voices. It’s nice to see a video putting it all into perspective.

[@MrMoreiraalmeida]

I remember a day in my teenie years where my sister and I were crying next to my mother, because I had akne all over the place and ugly hair growing on my arms and legs and my sister had issues with beeing too fat... We don't miss our teenage years at all. I found out that I have PCO and got help from a doctor. It took me years to accept me the way I am. Thank you for your videos, they mean a lot to especially young women. Your work is much appreciated!

[@rnmatsuda]

Thank you for the video. It makes so much sense. I just read Lauren Olivera's post on IG yesterday. It was about how we treat others and ourselves - a comparison in a way. If we think someone else is gorgeous even with their "flaw" then we also think we are gorgeous with our "flaw". If we think that other people can be forgiven for mistakes they made then we can also be forgiven for mistakes we made, etc. It was written so simply but yet so wonderfully clear. If we treat others with kindness then we should treat ourselves with kindness, too. Thanks again Jenny for coming through. I also remember the pointing out imperfections days with girlfriends. It was one of the biggest paradoxes for me in school when after/before a gym class the thinnest (not even kidding) girl in the room complained she was fat. For me her innocent complaint meant she was clearly thinking that I was way fatter than her but I'm not sure now. In that moment it felt like she called me fat. It makes me sick to my stomach to think how society has treated women's and other bodies to sell products and brainwashed us in the process.

[@oykuunal]

I have just discovered your channel and I am absolutely loving it! I think you have an amazing way of talking about things that resonate with all of us whilst also being original. This video has really made an impact on me so thank you very much

[@theweddingsitaly]

You are right during teenage lots of stuff and contrasting voices about our imperfections, the way we behave and other things that happen. Being busy with our projects and life helps to survive to everything

[@DaniQz]

This is the first video I clicked on this morning when trying to find a video to make me feel better about my looks and it definitely did. It even left me smiling :) I'm glad I came across it.

[@njc6897]

Love your content! I am excited for this video.

[@pca511]

thank you!!!! i get it now: keep myself busy so i dont focus only on my looks

[@fernanka6568]

I love your channel because of those videos Jenny. Your thoughts are refreshing and inspiring :) also you speak very coherently and calm

[@cobaltgirl14]

This video is amazing, thank you ❤️

[@aiya3130]

Wow, so much of this blew my mind! Thank you for this video!

[@clarawakonig3706]

dear jenny, what a great video! could you talk about how you quit being mean to yourself / saying harsh things to yourself? For me it seems like the most amazing thing you can achieve to appreciate your whole self. It is such a fix routine to talk to one self in such a hurtful way. I feel powerless and unable to control it at all. thank you and love

[@OttrPopAnimations]

YOURE SO BEAUTIFUL I CANT

[@tuleenkhayat5590]

My mom makes me wear stuff I don't want or feel comfortable in, she doesn't let me express who I truly am but thank you for this, new sub

[@ZingaroInc]

Thank you for sharing! Especially the part where you mention focus on your body when you are bored. Very recognizable.

[@mariaeugeniabaez2946]

Thanks for always bring us such healthy thoughts and feelings!! I´m from Argentina and here the body image is huge!

[@jasminush]

I met a guy once who said that he loves stretchmarks. he found them really sexy and said that it gives a girl realness and personality...changed my life.

[@shaikm5151]

Lemme tell you that 99% of dudes do not care about stretch marks and the majority of them like stretch marks. There’s nothing wrong with them I hope people start to realize that

[@clairehewitt3381]

I totally agree with your viewpoint. I'm nearly 42, and I think I've only really been at peace with the way I look for the last 3 or 4 years. I remember teenage obsessing over tiny imperfections and comparing myself to others (pre-social media era) it was magazines and music videos where I drew my comparisons. I was teased in school for having a big forehead and hated it for years, but there is not a lot I can do about the shape of my skull! So I've learnt to embrace it as how I am, I got that trait from my grandfather and I can see him in my features which I'm proud about. As the mother of two young girls I can already see the influences they are encountering that I was never exposed to at their age. It's made me conscious of how I talk to them and how I talk about myself and my appearance in front of them.

[@lauraburon4540]

It totally makes sense to me everything you mention in this video! I also think there was a change around 11/ 12 (probably when the hormones kick in) where I started seeing myself as ugly. To a point I think it's natural to have some sort of dysmorphia when our bodies are going through so many changes. But society, expectations and the lack of representation definitely played a big role and still do in my self image. Nowadays, as an adult I try my best with having the right balance of looking good for my own wellbeing and not falling too much into what is expected from me. The good thing about quarantine is that it is giving me more time to work on how i think and to learn, read, etc instead of having to think too much about my looks.

[@brendasmith291]

Thank you for sharing this 🤗. I started feeling insecure when adults started telling me I should find friends less pretty than their daughters so I wouldn't stand out as the ugly one. Then strangers commenting on my appearance "if you gained 10 lbs you might look normal". "Nothing could hurt that head". I don't know what would ever possess an adult to say something like that to another person but it was so harmful. I have come a long way in accepting myself but tonight I was inexplicably triggered by my 8 year old telling me to fix my hair so that his friends wouldn't make fun of me. I am embarrassed to say that after correcting him for his comment I retreated to the bathtub and cried. And considered never leaving my house again because for so much of my life I thought everywhere I went people were thinking about how ugly I am and this little comment from a little child brought all of that screaming back in to my brain. But I will hold myself up because I am good enough exactly as I am and hopefully I can teach my child to see women and people for who they are instead of how they appear.

[@thunderstorm2771]

This is smart and empowering :) Really refreshing hearing these ideas on social media platforms. Thank you

[@Lenna27boef]

5:10 THIS! I'm here for this! My exposure to toxic media was limited as a child, yet I've felt insecure and ugly for most of my life, and in my adult years it is an ongoing battle. A couple of years ago I realized exactly where that thought came from: My mom. She would (and still does) stand herself in front of a mirror and constantly criticize herself again and again, going on a near-daily basis. There was a constant noise of self-deprivation in my childhood home. She would grab her stomach flab, rustle it while calling herself ugly names, and whenever she put on clothes she would exclaim that 'she was really too fat to be wearing this' or putting on make-up she would go 'this won't cover my wrinkles, it's pointless'. I tried confronting her about it a couple of times, saying that she's taught me the language of self-hatred, but she keeps going 'I don't understand why you've got issues with your body, your body is fine' and 'but I wasn't criticizing YOUR body, I was only talking about myself'. I don't think she'll ever understand how contagious that shit is. But at least she complies these days when I tell her to stop everytime she starts a tirade of self-hating comments.