How to Transform Anger

[@rollespil1000]

Thank you for making this video. It's exactly what the world needs: less anger, and more awareness. I used to have real problems with anger myself. It slowly changed when I began to focus on forgiving people. Not forgiving them because I felt they deserved it (that's pretty hard to do when you're really angry) but because I realized how much I love mankind. When I focus on that love I can think much more clearly about what actually happened, and what would be a good idea to do.

[@ReWildUniversity]

I love this. You've transformed anger into love. We need this in the world!! =) Kenton

[@marycahill546]

I am a psychiatric nurse and at times I have felt an anger born not so much from expectation as from fear of an aggressive. patient. Your bee analogy is right on! Thank you so much for these lessons ... personal responsibility, self awareness, making choices. My latest bout of anger, frustration, anxiety is over the way my hospital is introducing a new comprehensive software system for all our documentation -- overwhelming to most of us. You are teaching me I can accept this massive change, work to learn it as fast and well as I can rather than worry and complain. It's a choice. Thank you for helping me see that I do have power; I can make responsible choices regarding my thoughts and my actions. Peace of mind is a beautiful thing!

[@ReWildUniversity]

Mary, your words here have lifted my spirit greatly! When one of these videos can directly help someone -- well, that really makes my day. I'm enjoying your comments and presence here on this channel! =) Kenton

[@nicholasmaffucci65]

I think it's awesome that you're videos are taken outside with some nice background and nature's music

[@ReWildUniversity]

Thank you! When the birds or wind are talking, I love to let that be the music! =) Kenton

[@RobFarrell17]

Pearls of wisdom my friend. Thank you.

[@ReWildUniversity]

+Rob Farrell I'm so glad you found it helpful Rob! =) Kenton

[@QuantumMechanic_88]

Wow ... sitting here genuinely humbled . Anger and having the episodic "bad temper" BS is something I have struggled with my entire life . Have blamed this on my father - "he had a bad temper and I must have inherited it" . Have blamed many other things except my own reasoning and not having PMA = Present moment awareness . Am reminded of a very old Buddhist tale . A monk is travelling down a trail and is confronted by three armed bandits . He tells the bandits - " I have no gold . You can take what little food I have and my robe , but don't take away my peace " . The bandits wanted to know more about peace ... and the Buddhist monk taught . Those robbers became the protectors of this monk in his travels and teaching . Some say this was the beginning of Shaolin and similar disciplines . Thank you once again Kenton . Waiting for your book -Lefty

[@ReWildUniversity]

Lefty, whenever I see one of your comments, I am eager to read it. I loved this Buddhist tale! Thank you! =) Kenton

[@QuantumMechanic_88]

Alex - Many people internalize anger and carry it around with them like a bad piece of luggage . One of the best ways to dissipate negativity is with walking meditation or physical exercise meditation while counting your blessings . One of my favorite meditations (believe it or not ) is cleaning up the barn and pounding out a blade on the anvil . Thanks for being at Durango . You were a HUGE help . Please watch when you get a chance >> kzbin.info/www/bejne/naa9dZafaNBprdU

[@jackkrieger9150]

Another great man giving helpful advices for free with the mission of helping people. Thank you.

[@ReWildUniversity]

Thank you my friend!!!

[@RathwulvenBushcraft]

I totally agree. I have spent a long time in pain, depression and anger when I was a teenager. Later in life I had the privilege to encounter a shaman with whom I experienced the holy sacrament of salvia divinorum. I do not want to advocate any sort of abuse of psychedelic substances but just wish to mention that this spiritual experience has set open a door to a path towards self-realization. On this path I have spent years meditating, soul-searching and training mindfulness, just to realize at the end of my twenties that the biggest piece of the puzzle always lay right before my eyes: The very vulnerability you are talking about. It was not the meditation that made me realize a better self of me, also not the mindfulness-courses. It also was not the talks to gurus and shamans, and certainly not the sacramental use of psychotropic agents. In the end it was nothing but facing my own "humanness" so to speak, including all which you describe as resistances. What I learned along the way is that we always want to create an impression instead of living by means of expression. My apologies if this takes a little more text but I wish to share my view: Imagine meeting a beautiful woman in a bar. You tell her "I love your beautiful face." - do you do it out of free expression (i.e. without any desire to create an outcome)? Or are you rather complimenting her to receive a similar response? Maybe even to get a chance to take her home? The latter mindset runs on the concept of impression, not expression. Another example: You compliment your boss for the "great work" he has done. Do you really believe that and just wish to express a thought without any outcome? Or are you actually aiming at a promotion maybe, trying to pull some strings in order to get a certain result? Again, the latter is based on impression. So it goes with anger and frustration. If parents yell at their kids, do they do this just express themselves, or because they wish to intimidate the kids? For example to make them act a certain way? What about a hockey-coach screaming at his left wing? Is he expressing himself or does he want to force a different behaviour or performance? The list is endless. But all examples behave the same, structurally: If expectations are not met, we want to manipulate reality in way so they are. And then we are right in the middle of what you are talking about. The best wishes from NL!

[@ReWildUniversity]

This is so beautifully put, my friend. That you have come to this wisdom so early in your life is heartening -- imagine all the years you will have to share this with others. THANK YOU. =) Kenton

[@robertthewombat8094]

I was led here by a series of "coincidences", and you enduring what you did (however easier for you it might have been than it would have been for me) got my full attention, possibly because I do have a little personal history with nettles, and I remember, not anger, but being shocked at how intense the pain could be. When I was younger I was much better at doing what you describe, but over the decades I slowly lapsed. I was still not quick to real anger (beyond expressing momentary impatience), but when I felt completely justified over time my anger, while not controlling my actions, could still gain enough strength to damage me... did damage me, not long ago. These past couple of days, events have neatly conspired to first outrage me and then force me to recognize that the expectations that drove my outrage were not just unnecessary, but in this circumstance I was completely wrong, unjustified, and that I and no one else was at fault. Fate might have been a little more subtle about it, but clearly I needed the lesson. I think you have given me at least part of what I need to change permanently. Thank you.

[@ReWildUniversity]

Robert, it takes real courage to admit when we're wrong, and real awareness to turn that into a lesson to one's self. Way to go! =) Kenton

[@julieyang7]

Ok you gave me goose bumps. I love your perspective. I have never looked at anger like that. I can also see where I have failed to meet others expectations. Humbled.

[@ReWildUniversity]

So glad this video could resonate, my friend! =) Kenton

[@pipirioseco8755]

Hi, recent subscriber here. First of all, gotta say I'm loving your content! I've been a camping, hiking and bushcraft enthusiast for quite a while and been in love with nature for my entire life, and I just can't wait to take your practical teachings to the outdoors. However, the main reason I decided to comment isn't only to let you know how much I enjoy your channel. In fact, I decided to comment on this particular video for a particular reason. You see, I suffer from a personality based disorder that sometimes (more often than not) can really get the best of me. Not gonna get into much detail, but basically, one of the main issues that stem out of this disorder is anger. Rage even. This has led to some tough situations in my life and it has strained some of the most important relationships in my life (with myself and others). Anger is scary, anger is dangerous! It drives the people you love away. Anyway, going back to the reason of this comment.. the reason is to thank you. I'm gonna be perfectly honest here, it's not like this video miraculously changed my life, but it certainly helped me clear some things up. It gave me a little push of sorts. Your insight on 'expectations' was the key to this. It was just on point, really. Same with asking ourselves if anger is inevitable/necessary. I'm certainly still struggling with that thought! In a way, my mind is "rejecting" the idea that anger is avoidable - almost like an automated response. But with time and after a lot of thought I'm sure I'll be able to come to terms with that and the belief that anger can be transformed and ultimately avoided will set. So yeah, thank you so much for putting up this video. It was informative, insightful and just.. nice! Keep it up!

[@ReWildUniversity]

When I hear something like this, Pipi, it makes all the effort I put into these videos worthwhile. I know that anger can be so overwhelming, and can seem like it "takes us over". I want to express both compassion for what you face, and to draw awareness to the strength and searching that is so evident in your writing. You're not taking this lying down, so to speak! Thanks for taking the time to share, and please do let me know if this seems to make any shifts for you. =) Kenton

[@HamCubes]

If you're filled with rage, you're not paying attention to the right things.

[@ReWildUniversity]

+AeroDoe I love this. What a turnaround of that saying! =) Kenton

[@borealiswan2363]

You know the expression "blind with anger" "blind rage" .... blind furry

[@danielravenstar4442]

Now that you got all the stingers out, you can eat it... Sometimes its impossible to not be filled with rage at some point over the way things are coerced to. Be,,,, I use the larry crane release technique... Can you give this , whatever it is some acceptance, Can you give this some approval, Can you give this resistance some approval for being there... Can you give these feelings some love,,,,,,, Then ask ,,,, anger do you want to leave, then go... It's just phenomena passing through, In one ear, out the other, kinda thing ,, It's not you, it's just a feeling...... Let it go some , and more, and more, and more,,,

[@gordthor5351]

You are a very wise man. I just found your channel today and right after I watched one of your videos, I had to go to the bank (I try to avoid the crazy Christmas zoo) and when I got in my truck to leave the parking lot, an SUV pulled in and a passenger slammed (it shook my truck) their door into mine and left a fair sized dent. By the time I got out of my truck and checked to see if there was damage first(no harm,no foul),they were 100 feet away. ) I don't think they realized I was in my truck (hit and run).I said,"hey you hit my truck with your door",but they only paused for a second and it was like,"meh,whatever" and kept on moving quickly to avoid the issue. There was a driver in the SUV,but he blew it off as nothing just the same. I am the the type of person who will accept responsibility for my errors,so you can imagine how livid I was. The incident brought up emotions from a similar situation that happened over a year ago that I still get pissed about on occasion. It is more a matter of principle (how many other vehicles are these people going to carelessly ding and not care about),than who pays for the damage. I managed to type this with out getting angry in the slightest,after watching you slap stinging nettle all over your torso (even the armpits ,ouch). I always knew it was a matter of mindset,but thanks for giving a real example. I am totally at peace right now and that usually wouldn't be the case after such an incident where what my values consider to be utter disrespect (not just for me,but against fellow humans in general). At the time I even told myself that I just have to accept that there will be people like this and I can't let it consume me,but it was of little consolation.I have only watched 2 of your videos,but you have helped me more than you will ever know,because nothing bothers me more than what I described above (it is like a kick in the teeth) and I am already at peace with it. It is easy to talk,but you SHOW people. I see a calmness in you that is genuine. Thank you very much for your videos and I am looking forwards to watching all of them. Gord.

[@ReWildUniversity]

Gord, you've brought tears to me as I read this. Thank you for sharing that this made a difference to you. That means more than I can say. With love, Kenton

[@gordthor5351]

It is a day later and I haven't even really thought about the dent in my door,other than for a brief moment when I went out to my garage this morning,but it didn't cause any anger. Initially what bothered me the most about this incident was that I thought,"here we go again,I will be consumed with thinking about it and suffer the negative affects of being angry for weeks,but it feels so good that I couldn't care a less about my door and I know it is in the past,because it already doesn't bother me (as it always did in the past). The only reason I am even bringing it up is because I want you to know that you (somehow) reached my subconscious mind. My subconscious mind is the boss,so it needs to be convinced to affect any change. I really appreciate people whom can spark my intuition (subconscious) and you have mine on fire (and growing) with ever video I watch.You are super "deep". I know it must be time consuming for you to respond to all your comments and I have posted quite a few in the last 2 days,so I want you to know that it won't hurt my feelings if you don't respond to all of them. Not often do people even respond to 1-2 year old video comments. I am content in my life and I despise that,because it keeps me there. I want to be elated (realistically). I can figure out anything (logically and rationally),but no matter how much I analyse my own mind,I always fall short in figuring out how to get what is most important to me. I am a natural constuctivist,but I don't think that works in figuring out how to get what is most important to me. I have become more aware of the importance of expressing emotions (not just feeling them strongly),but I am not at the point where I can end an internet post with,"with love,Gord", even if that is the way I feel. However,you made me realize that it is all about realization,not just knowing something. I have always thought that "knowing" should be enough,but you made me realize that the conscious mind needs to know and the subconscious needs to realize. My main focus is my dominant subconscious cognitive function (introverted intuition),so it makes perfect sense why I need to realize,rather than know things. I think a lot of what I learn from you goes beyond your words to the subtle nuances you project (consistently). In one video you say to not freak out if a bee lands on you and in other videos you nonchalantly wipe away any flies or mosquitoes (that is consistency). If something isn't consistent my intuition can't see a pattern to form a big picture understanding. Thank you so much,Gord. I have probable left 1000 KZbin comments and never before have I felt compelled to sign off in a personable manner.

[@jordangould1541]

I never realized how important humour is when changing our expectations we place on other people and ourselves. What a great insight

[@ReWildUniversity]

Humor . . . such a priceless treasure! Namaste my friend! Kenton =)

[@NeverDoneEver]

This video is exactly what I needed! Not sure exactly how to find humor in the things that I am angry, about, as they seem like intractable problems, but realizing that the anger is based on my expectations is extremely useful. BTW, it was the Borg who said “resistance is futile”. The.Vogon said “Resistance is useless.”

[@ReWildUniversity]

Ah, I got my sci fi mixed! You're right Everett! =) Kenton

[@GEOPUZZLE]

Many may not consider this a "survival" video but this information is even more important than the knife, shelter, cordage...or anything else you may choose to carry in your pack. What is in your head and your heart is more important than the tools you carry in your pack. Thank-you for this video!

[@ReWildUniversity]

+Chuck Barnett Thanks Chuck. I'd agree completely -- skills such as fire-making and shelter-building are super important, but our greatest tool is our mind and attitude. =) Kenton

[@Artzman01]

I am studying a Masters in Psychotherapy, and I haven't ever heard someone talk about anger put so poignantly. A lot of this talk really spoke to me as I have always struggled with high expectations of myself and the issues I face if I don't meet them. You have really made me think about my situation and modus operandi, so thank you for talking so honestly about it. Although I may still avoid rubbing stinging nettles all over myself haha!

[@ReWildUniversity]

I'm honored by your words! And that great bit of laughter as well! I'm so glad you found this helpful. =) Kenton

[@erinowl4407]

Thank you so much for the video. It gives me hope. I have CPTSD and my greatest anger is toward myself. You have also given me a new sense of humor about anger - just hearing the words "Anger Management" (as the "cure" for anger "issues") now gives me a wry smile ........ I feel like you gave me freedom. I have the means to "do" this - I can and will do this. Wow is such a feeble word - but WOW ..... Thank you. Thank you. And BTW I have been doing an exerise I think from one of your "Quarantine" series where you said when you get frustrated to consider all you are grateful for. The other day I was trying to make dinner in the woods and EVERYTHING was going WRONG (expectations) and I got frustrated, angry (turned it on myself) - and used the awareness of what was happening and started saying things like: "I'm so grateful I get to be out here to make my dinner. I'm so grateful I have all this wonderful food to eat. Etc". It was HUMOROUS - and I felt "ridiculously free" - and happy - Thank you for that. Still working on that newly learned "awareness - reaction" of gratitude. Marvelous. :-)

[@ReWildUniversity]

Erin, I'll return with a WOW! That you are finding ways to transform the symptoms of CPTSD with gratitude and humor . . . that is so inspiring! I feel like every time you write, I can feel your positivity shining through. Love!!!

[@BRockBRollBU]

had a realization watching this... I tend to be very angry, but almost always I'm angry at myself. listening I've pieced together that I am rarely angry with others because I don't hold them to expectations. I never thought I even held myself to expectations, but I do. most of them are negative and sour expectations and I get pissed or depressed when i self fulfill them. like... "oh good job forgetting to do x, y, and z", "knew I'd fail", or "I thought i could actually do this... wow, i really am worthless". I've never actively tried to get rid of these expectations, as they have just always been there, but maybe I'll give it a shot. thanks for the brain candy.

[@ReWildUniversity]

So glad this spurred a realization, Ash! That's a powerful force, that self-expectation. It's interesting, because often we hold ourselves to standards that we'd never impose on someone else -- usually pretty impossible standards. Please let me know how things go after trying this for a while! =) Kenton

[@PiersChipperfield]

That message is so simple but yet covers the basis of every time I can think of being angry: my expectation of how the situation "should" have gone. Thank you Kenton, I'm hoping this will help me to reduce my anger at my wife, my situations, and my clients in my business. I put it to the test about 5 minutes after watching the video when using cling film (I think you would call it plastic wrap) to cover my leftover bread roll which is always an angry experience and it worked!

[@ReWildUniversity]

Awesome Piers! It's an amazing feeling to take back that energy that once went toward anger and have it available for something else! =) Kenton

[@SkinnyRiverArtist]

A month or so ago I commented on your drug video about how food is addictive in the same way and you responded, since then I've lost over a stone but have been struggling with anger and depression. Really needed this video, thank you man

[@ReWildUniversity]

+SkinnyRiverArtist Congratulations on losing that weight! And I am hopeful this video can help as well. You rock! =) Kenton

[@47kcr]

Wow! Mind blown! Didn't realize I was 100 miles down that road! I will meditate on this message for a while. Will watch this video a couple of more times and probably show it to my family,so expect some more views. Thank you!

[@ReWildUniversity]

I'm so glad this video held such power for you. This technique made a HUGE difference in my life! I hope it does in yours! =) Kenton

[@aaronramsden1657]

The verbal jiu jitsu part of this lesson really resonated with me, as I do the physical version, and I've noticed over the years as I grow in experience, the less I resist, the more efficient my movements are, and the more efficient my movements are, the less I need to resist

[@ReWildUniversity]

Aaron, Jiu Jitsu is among the best of martial arts for learning that "non-resistance", which often encourages whoever we're rolling with to commit to something that leads right into the hold we're looking for. Nice to hear you're training!! =) Kenton

[@LiveandLearn555]

I'm impressed with your self control. Thanks for sharing. I had allot of anger but grew out of it. My life was changed and I blamed everyone but myself. I could have used your practices back when you made this video. Anger only adds stress to your life and it's all downhill from there. I had to self medicate to cope. Then it affects your health. One big ugly circle in my case. I was looking in all the wrong places.

[@ReWildUniversity]

Powerful that you can admit that. Many of us hide from our own self-contribution to our situations, always blaming others or circumstances. And that only brings us down, as you've noted here. Thanks for becoming part of this channel -- I value your contributions here in the comments! =) Kenton

[@mesutapak]

Awareness is a great path to fine happiness in life. Thank you.

[@ReWildUniversity]

Yes!!!! =) Kenton

[@JustinHunterTCM]

I'm an ex homeless soon to be homeless again. Most of them deal with drug addiction which is not something we should contribute towards. The best approach is to ask them if they need food, if they need any personal things (like underwear, socks, clothing, tooth brushes, tooth paste) and if there is any thing they would like to say or ask for and see if we can help towards. I've seen people take advantage of others and it is never good. Love my hobo brothers and sisters. Thank you for helping them. God bless.

[@ReWildUniversity]

What a good point. Our policy these days is to give food =)

[@miracleshappen4483]

This is exactly what I've been going through for the past 11 months. I have come to the same conclusion, though sometimes I cry. My body has now a neuromuscular condition which doesn't allow me to either walk or move freely and I totally depends on others for my food. I'm vegan and I sometimes discovered pieces of meat in my food which I quickly fed to the dog. You should know that my condition is due to a 2 month fast I did to cleanse my liver but during that time something really odd happened and I had to be hospitalized because I was no longer able to move my body properly, my head was fuzzy and the vision in my left eye deteriorated. In the hospital, they ran a few tests on me, mind you that I live in Siem Reap, Cambodia, but they never gave me food. I was no angry at the time but completely confused, I didn't know whether I was dead or alive. Thank God, the local people understood my situation and started sharing their food with me. I really didn't know what was happening when suddenly a group of volunteers showed up, fed me fish - which I ate because I didn't want to die of starvation. They eventually took me to their organization where they took great care of me though after a while, the behaviour of some of them suddenly changed and started screaming at me that I had to return to my homeland, a woman even came running to the kitchen and slapt me in the face twice for no reason (I was half paralyzed and couldn't defend myself) . I was transferred to a home staying place, where I still live today (my 80yo parents are paying, I'm almost 53). I've done a lot of spiritual practices in my life and now I've discovered that it is not people doing things to me but my own consciousness. If I have any expectations about food, I get little and tasteless food (I returned vegan soon after I was taken to the organization). I'm Italian, I love cooking and food so if I don't do what you are saying in this video, I get disappointed beyond belief. I believe in God who's always here to help me and get through this harsh test. The moral of my story is: never give up on yourself no matter what. I love you and thank you! 🤗💖😁

[@ReWildUniversity]

POWERFUL story, my friend. I'm so inspired that you can turn this situation into something positive. That is a rare and beautiful example of what we humans are capable of when we "let go". Love to you! Kenton

[@vulgtmngha3501]

I'm pretty sure I left a comment here when I first saw this video idk how many years ago, but I've deleted my YT channel since then, and that comment probably got erased as a result. Really just wanted to say that this video helped me so so much, at the time I first saw it I was really really struggling with some bad anger issues. And to be honest, I still do sometimes. It's a long and hard process. But it's so helpful to come back to this. I also have a friend that was expressing having a hard time with her anger, especially since she comes from a pretty bad home with parents that made it the default to be angry and aggressive almost all of the time. I sent this to her, (which is what brought me back to this video in the first place) not entirely sure if she'll watch it or not, but in application of the lesson in this video, I think it's probably best not to hold any expectation either way. I definitely think it has a lot of potential to help people, but not everything that helps me personally is going to help all of my friends, and that's okay. Love and support isn't something that's ever meant to be imposed onto anybody. Also, coming back to this video is interesting in the way you mention using humor to work with anger. I definitely agree, humor is a magical thing, and finding more applications for it is a very valuable thing to me. :o) It means a lot to me that you've shared so much with everyone, Kenton, for real. If you hadn't shared this video I'm not sure how, when, or if I would have learned how to get a grip on my anger. It really helped stop me from turning into the person I was terrified to see myself turning into. And it's so easy to not share things like this, there are so many excuses we can come up with in our heads. I've definitely experienced that kind of reluctance to step into the limelight. I really hope you understand how much overcoming such obstacles and sharing all of this with the world serves to enrich it in a very positive way, man. I think you are a huge success in everything you're trying to accomplish with this life you're living.

[@ReWildUniversity]

All I can say is that your words, my friend, have completely filled my heart and brought such joy. THANK YOU =)

[@beckyotteni5336]

Holy crap Man! You are hard core! GOOD LORD! Excellent points on "intense experience" and resistance. I love walking barefoot in the snow! Expectation... I like what you're saying. If you don't expect things, you don't set yourself up for disappointment. Also, it turns everything good into BLESSINGS! I love hearing the trees creaking behind you! "Anger needs resistance. Resistance is futile." Ok. Please help me wrap my head around radically accepting our current government. How do we just sit and notice, have humor and not resist those who are activity trying to kill us? I DO have expectations. I expect the gov't to represent We The People, or AT LEAST not get off scott free with blatant, irrefutable corruption.

[@ReWildUniversity]

My friend, you are right on! You've felt it with your barefoot walking in the snow, which some people would think is crazy unbearable! Woohooo! You've asked a great question. We often face this, when something beyond our current power (or seemingly so) is affecting our lives. I think it's vital to notice the difference between what we CAN change and we don't feel we're currently able to change (or we choose not to try). For instance, many people are upset about the government right now. But just being upset actually gives the thing we're worried about more power over us. Consider that if I sit for the next 20 minutes and am upset about the government, I'm flooding my system with stress hormones and degrading my own health. During that 20 minutes I might be surrounded by my family, the birds may be chirping outside the window, but I'm busy creating the very thing I'm worried about -- the government is killing me (or rather, my worry about the government is killing me). Instead, we are called to look around us and see what we CAN change, and apply our energies there. Our culture currently teaches a lot of talk and inaction -- sit on the couch and watch videos about what's wrong and flood our bodies and minds with stress. But there are people around us right now who could use a helping hand, or a listening ear, or some love. What if instead of spending time degrading our own health with fear and stress, we instead put our energies toward doing good? That, I think, is how real change will be made =)

[@beckyotteni5336]

You are so right. But GAH!!! It's a tricky balance between knowing enough to not be an ostrich with my head in the sand pretending everything is hunky-dory, when it's NOT, and getting sucked in on an emotional level that does nothing good in my immediate environment. Your whole family seems so calm. Maybe when I grow up I will be a calm person too... a fire lion can always hope!@@ReWildUniversity

[@ReWildUniversity]

@@beckyotteni5336 I think that's the essence, Becky! We can have knowledge of things, but if we become emotionally engaged without having any outlet for channeling that emotion, it just eats us up alive. We usually encourage people to find some cause that they feel strongly about and get involved with volunteering -- whatever the future holds, it will be essential that whoever is still here is focused on doing things better the next time around. And the cool thing is that we can start that right now! Mirabelle loved Lillee's comment, by the way! Write via our website anytime! =)

[@4directionsbushcraft]

Fantastic explanation and examples of this. I had a good idea what you had planned for those nettles lol. Thank you Kenton!

[@ReWildUniversity]

+4 directions bushcraft Glad you liked it! I've seen you go through some tough stuff without anger, so I'm guessing it's something you've already explored. =) Kenton

[@likearockcm]

watched this several times lots of wisdom.I personally don't get angry and haven't for years and years.frustrated and resolute ,yes. exception being pain which i listened to you carefully because i have been trying for quite a while to separate from pain by mentally putting the pain in a drawer and analyzing it.your idea of embracing the pain is great.also by eliminating expectations as you say is new to m e and i will incorporate that into my growth.i'm 65 now but there is always new wisdom to learn.you have provided me with some.Thank you.

[@ReWildUniversity]

65 an still growing and learning! I want to say the same thing when I'm 65 -- that I'm doing my best every day to learn and grow. =) Kenton

[@scribemike]

Wow. I was literally able to use the most basic part of this technique (recognizing expectation as the source of anger) to avoid fussing at my son while I was watching this video! I'll be practicing this. Literally, life-changing. Seriously, thank you, thank you, thank you.

[@ReWildUniversity]

I'm delighted to hear this! Parenting is probably the best "training ground" there is for mental/emotional training. And you used this new tool right away! Awesome! =) Kenton

[@bigben9100]

Hi Kenton. I started watching your videos a couple of months ago (overnight in forest with just a loin cloth) and found it amazingly insightful. I then watched the cold shower one and began having one every day....honestly it's amazing, things do seem 'brighter' if you start your day with them. I am now going through a very rough patch in my marriage and have just watched this one. I truly hope that I can use what you've said to help us not only avoid divorce but also re kindle our relationship. Thank you.

[@ReWildUniversity]

I hope so too, my friend. For Rebecca and I, something amazing happened when we applied this. When we knew how we wanted each other to behave, we "boxed" each other. That boxing caused resistance, and the feeling of not being truly loved and accepted. When we released those expectations, we were both allowed to be who we really are, and that was delightful. We can imagine that if we don't try to box somebody, that their worst will come out. Instead, we have to realize that their best will come out, while (and this is important) we still are completely open to loving their worst. =) Kenton

[@bigben9100]

Wow, thankyou for replying. My wife and I have been through some dark times recently and I hope that the worst is behind us. I know I am to blame for some of the failures and after sitting, thinking about how I have acted and expected things to be done or to be done a certain way, I can see that these expectations have caused the resistance and in turn this has caused me to become angry when inevitably my expectations weren't met. I've read up on you a little but only know the basics but honestly, I am totally captivated by you, Rebecca and your mantras. Thank you again for not only being entertaining but also providing strength, wisdom and inspiration, even remotely via technology!

[@jimhammond5310]

I was the world's angriest person before I became a Christian. It was my number one emotion. I found that it kept anyone from even thinking about crossing me in any way. This worked very well. But it also kept people away. This is a lonely existence. You're right when you said that 'expectations' are the key here. At present, I am almost completely without anger at all because I have almost NO expectations at all. Not even, of myself. I still do struggle with' the awareness' of my failures, and because I still have expectations of myself, I still get angry when I don't do what I expect of myself. But as far as other people go. I fully expect them to fail, most the time, and my confidence in their faults is well accepted. So much so, that I live in an almost constant shock when they don't fail. I expect nothing of anyone, except that they are just as screwed up, as I am. Trust me here. I will let you down. Expect nothing from, me.

[@ReWildUniversity]

Ha! I love this! We get to be surprised by good things rather than let down by "bad". =) Kenton

[@yeahnothanks100]

Ive been trying to manage my anger for a long time. Ive always struggled with it. This video confirmed some things I've been trying to change in my life, and was very helpful. But it's hard for me to let go of a lot of the anger I have for my parents. They have hurt me in certain ways in the past, which I try to forgive, and move on from. But they continue to hurt me in the same way to this day, and it makes me angry. Because I have the expectation of my parents to choose love for their children over their addictions. But it's incredibly hard to let go of that expectation, because I know that letting go of it would be like letting them "get away with" their behavior, which is a behavior I'm incapable of being happy around. They are good people at heart, but I can't change their ways, and we have a negative relationship because of it.

[@ReWildUniversity]

Not easy, is it? Something that helps me is to ask -- if I keep feeding this expectation, can I reasonably expect it to create change? If so, perhaps it's worth trying for a while longer. But if not, then releasing those expectations can sometimes do more than we imagine. I sent you a link via a different comment. Here it is again-- kzbin.info/www/bejne/jqmtlaRubZqjiKs This talks about how when we "visit" someplace in our mind over and over, we can get stuck there, but if we choose to visit other places, we can re-work those grooves. =) Kenton

[@hotdesertroks889]

I feel that on a matter of sheer principle, anger *shouldn't* be left out. It's a natural emotion, and I'm mostly opposed to stuff that tries to suppress or nullify aspects of our nature. That said, pragmatically, I just don't see anger as something that I want to or am able to foster as an emotion. On almost all practical levels, I feel that anger is something that I should work to stunt and prevent. In a perfect world, all aspects of my person -- emotions included -- would be living in a happy lil' garden where they're in a controlled environment where each facet could thrive and generally do what they're meant to do. Sadly, the world as you said is organic and messy, not perfect, and controlled by our individual preferences. For that reason, maybe something like anger that frequently clashes and doesn't play nice with our hectic, "organic" worlds may be best uprooted. Thanks for giving me something to think on! I'm proud to be a new subscriber :)

[@ReWildUniversity]

Joshua, I love our thinking here! It's easy to malign different emotions, forgetting that they all play a part in the human experience. You'll find me taking on a lot of our "negative" emotions on this channel, and like your wisdom notices, that's not because they are "bad", but just because they are overactive in most of us =) My hope is that these videos can help a few people find a bit more balance. I'm excited to have you as a subscriber, and to have your voice here! Thanks so much! With love, Kenton =)

[@danielmartinez3210]

Amazing advice! Glad I found your channel by chance!

[@ReWildUniversity]

Wow, so glad to have you here, Daniel! I hope you find as much value in the other videos!! With love, Kenton =)

[@leoangere5310]

As you were saying "When the world doesn't behave the way we'd like...", the video stopped buffering and I immediately reacted with a growl. Then I laughed until it started up again "...that's when we can start to get angry". This is probably my main issue when working on a car. I expect things to be within easy reach, to not break, to function as they are designed... actually, I pretty much expect everything to frustrate me, because in my mind the engineers and heads of manufacturing have only financial efficiency in mind and thus cut corners and give little consideration to the home mechanic... so my expectation of a 'one-hour job' actually taking one hour is unrealistic, even based purely on past experience and not thinking about the motivations of the industrial world. This morning I had to get up before I'd had my fill of sleep, and my mind defaulted to anger - at the person who woke me, at myself for having gone to bed late, at the fact that my brain and body felt leaden. I thought about what it would be like to take a cold shower in such a state, and decided it could be rather traumatizing (initially). It can be done, but it's best to get my mind out of anger mode before I allow the sensation of cold water to complete the transformation. So it's a choice, and choosing vulnerability in a stressful state is not something I am used to. Thank you for the video. I wish there was a shorter vid, just a minute or two, that we could watch at the start of each day to get our minds on track. But I will try to keep these things near at mind.

[@ReWildUniversity]

+Leo Angere You know, that's a really good idea -- a one or two minute video to start the day with. I'll have to give that some serious thought to see if I could come up with something that could really start things off right. Thanks for the inspiration, my friend! =) Kenton

[@ReWildUniversity]

+Leo Angere Also I had to laugh at how the buffering "spoke" to you so directly! Thanks for sharing!

[@TheRabidfan]

I really needed this man. Thank you.

[@ReWildUniversity]

+TheRabidfan My pleasure, friend! =) Kenton

[@igormanzoni]

Thanks a lot man! Lately I've become a gardener of anger blossoms. And the funny thing is that I used to think to be free of expectations. Your words made me realize that it's not true. I owe you a lot because with this new point of view I'm sure to get some work done about it.

[@ReWildUniversity]

SO glad this could inspire you, Igor! Please write again in a few months and tell me how things are going! =) Kenton

[@Irule2wheels]

as i have heard this so many times before you have finally put it in to a format that seems to allow me to understand. I thank you so very much. the example with the nettles i think may have been the key as i have learned long ago not to scratch or touch the affected area and just let it run its course and all will be fine. if i touch or scratch for the momentary or instant relief it only makes it last longer. i think you have found a way for me to finally set my mind right. Thank you very much.

[@ReWildUniversity]

+letsplay outside It means a lot to hear from someone who finds that this approach was "just right". Thanks much for your words, and I hope it brings you some new explorations into shifting emotions! =) Kenton

[@tyrval6914]

Remind me the way i learned to enter cold water. Pain is like rain. Do not resist to it, let it flow over you. You've wisdom and manage to explain the feelings. Please keep going :)

[@ReWildUniversity]

I love that you compare it to rain! One of the primary examples from my own life -- I remember that first moment when I was walking through the rain, hunched and face scrunched up, and then I suddenly realized that resistance was creating the discomfort I was experiencing. I opened up my arms, looked up to the sky, and discovered in that moment that the rain, which I had been resisting for so many years, was actually a delight -- almost like a tickle. Thanks for bringing back that memory. =) Kenton

[@milop8603]

Okay, this may sound weird at first, but I as a woman, noticed that I have a very negative picture of men. So I decided to work on it and actively search for men on KZbin or in real life, that don't apply to this picture. That are not emotionally weak or can't cope with their feelings, men who have a healthy relationship with sexuality and that I don't have to be afraid of. I'm aware that this is extremly negative and unjust to draw on all men. I'm still figuring out, how I should be acting and thinking... However, you gave me this. I'm still not sure if i'm coping with this right, I really want to.

[@ReWildUniversity]

Johanna, I don't think that's weird at all. So many men in our culture are either hyper-masculine (who appears strong physically and emotionally but is often very delicate emotionally when anything goes wrong), or hyper-feminine (going really far the other way). I'd like to see men embrace their strength, yet not be afraid of feeling. It's not an easy balance, but I think it can be achieved. =) Kenton

[@Xamager]

When my expectations aren't met, I tend to get depressed rather than angry (depending on the situation of course), but I guess the mechanism is the same. Anger can hurt people around you but it can also be a source of motivation (though obviously not an ideal one). Depression does the opposite: it hurts yourself and stops you from going forward, and it quickly becomes a vicious cycle of failed expectations and loss of motivation. So I'll definitely try to be more aware and see if I can break the cycle, in any case thank you for this great little piece of wisdom =)

[@ReWildUniversity]

Great awareness my friend -- it is the same mechanism, but as you note, depression can quickly become a downward cycle. I hope this helps! =) Kenton

[@Xamager]

Actually I had to go through therapy a few years ago, and one day the psychologist told me he was impressed by how "emotionally intelligent" I was, so I guess these things come a little more naturally to me. But more globally, the more I watch your videos, the more I notice that I already do some of the things you talk about, even if it's to a lesser extent: the "reach" movements remind me of what I do when I go rock climbing, "rewilding the tastebuds" reminds me of how I try to cook with local products, etc. Generally speaking, I think we share the same feeling that modern life makes us physically and mentally weak, stressed, disconnected from nature and ourselves, and simply unhappy. Of course I have bad habits (like sitting in front of the computer for hours every day), but watching your videos and seeing how calm and content you look is certainly a great encouragement to go further.

[@ReWildUniversity]

I think that these things are "natural" within us. If we are living in a state of awareness and exploration, I believe we'll find many of these things for ourselves. It seems that you have done just this! =) Kenton

[@funkyspiral149]

Wow, your videos never cease to amaze me - each one is a blessing, a gift that this world so desperately needs right now! I'm also observing that I simply enjoy listening to you, no matter the content; I feel it's the presence, the awareness behind it all that transmits the most and has such a calming impact. As for this particular one - I very much agree with the general "model" of how anger forms out of reality not meeting our expectations / desires / mental models / attachments ... I observe the reactivity in myself and in others and I can conclude that in most of everyday situations it is indeed the case. However, there are exceptions (like everywhere, I think) and I'm dealing with one right now. For more than a month already, to be exact. I'd be deeply grateful if you could tell me your opinion about it. I’ll try to put it short: even though I liked one girl, I also hesitated to go into a romantic relationship a lot (especially because of her shady past). If I had any expectations, there were "negative" ("It's going to be so hard to trust her to be faithful / honest, there are a lot of possibilities I am hurt in the end ..."). Anyway, I really took time and meditated on this - and at last I surrendered myself in a sense that I had zero expectations whatsoever. It was one of the toughest things to do (and admit), but I did it. And it felt good, actually, I was free. Months were passing and we were getting closer and closer emotionally, intimately, everything was great, and on top of that I felt I still have no expectations of how things should work out. However, she had more and more generalized expectations in form of ideas about how we will live together one day, have a family ... I sort of tuned into these stories. Just to one day find out (at least directly from her, thankfully) that she had been cheating on me with several guys for the whole time. Initial rage quickly subsided as I’m that kind of person that almost never gets angry and I also meditated on how to “explain” her behaviour. She’s still very young, inexperienced and naïve; like Jesus said: "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing." I try to focus on positive aspects of the outcome, deep down I know it all turned out as it should and that it’s all a blessing, actually. Well, the only thing is that I’m consistently quietly angry at myself - for not stopping the course of actions when it was still time (there were a lot of “alarms”), for wasting time and energy for someone who I felt isn’t good for me, for repressing my intuition … for deciding to not have any expectations, basically. It’s the opposite of what you were saying in the video, but I believe that in my situation expectations actually wanted to protect my future self from the fake relationship. If I listened to my inner voice, I would spare myself a lot of turmoil. Huh, in the end I wrote a lot. Hope it’s not too much. Thanks again for everything that you are and much love =)

[@SergeantRed9]

I love this video and I'm going to do my best to work on seeing my expectations coming and trying not to become angry

[@ReWildUniversity]

Beautiful, Thomas. Not an easy road to travel, but so rewarding. =) Kenton

[@songmin0813]

Thank you so much! I absolute agree with you. Anger from my expectation from others.specially from my teenage son that is why I have problems with him now. I will try your method. I will stop my expectations from my son. Thank you again.

[@ReWildUniversity]

+Song Min I've been honored to work with some parents who are struggling with teenage sons or daughters. This really can work, but it's radical, and it does take time. But when we truly apply unconditional love, I have yet to see someone who doesn't rise up to meet that love by being their best selves. =) Kenton

[@TPPG_]

Meditation is key to managing my anger truely has helped 🙏 nameste brother

[@ReWildUniversity]

So glad you've found the power of meditation -- truly amazing how it can transform our minds!

[@LEGOAgenda]

You truly are very helpful thanks for showing the true way to live without anger. Keep up the good work I can really see that you are essential to everyone around you. Not many people I can say that have the knowledge that you have shown . One must accept the pain or circumstance as you said.

[@ReWildUniversity]

Thank you Joel. I'm honored by your words! =) Kenton

[@snaponjohn100]

Great video my friend!! I will start using your techniques...very insightful.

[@ReWildUniversity]

I hope you find it useful! =) Kenton

[@UnderscoreZeroLP]

Thanks for the wisdom! I would recommend the book "Thinking, fast and slow" by Kahneman. It gives a great scientific perspective on this issue, and I'm sure you know, the best way to understand an issue is to have lots of different perspectives on it. The first-person perspective is what our society tends to lack. On the other hand, more Eastern societies have had fantastic progress on this front, but were severely lacking in the science of the world, rather than our experience. This seems to be the case with Buddhism -- the great wisdom (ie empirical understanding of the mind) is clouded by mysticism and ignorance in terms of the natural sciences. Nonetheless, thank you again :) EDIT: I just want to add, I love how you use language to communicate your ideas so clearly. "The freedom from expectation is being radically loved". The text on the left to further clarify what you are saying in video is very helpful also.

[@ReWildUniversity]

Wow, I am so valuing your comments here! And I appreciate that feedback, too, on the side-notes. =) Kenton

[@redactedcanceledcensored6890]

Resistance is futile... but so seems choking the resistance. When I try to choke my anger, it later "blows up" in a more intensive way. I have no expectations now. Speaking from experience, life seems to work in order to make me suffer all the time. I resisted it until now, now I am accepting it: well-being does not exist.

[@workemail098]

Listen man, i feel no resistance would be called by the devil's advocate apathy but you make a strong point, thanks for posting this video.

[@ReWildUniversity]

Thanks for posting both a "devil's advocate" view and another perspective in the same comment! This concept is definitely outside our usual paradigm. =) Kenton

[@BlackRavenOutdoors]

You are a great mentor and teacher about life, you strike me as a shaman, Not entirely sure if you are or not, and I mean not to offend, but I mean it as a compliment. Really enjoy your views.

[@ReWildUniversity]

Thanks so much Antony. That's a great compliment. I'm not a shaman, but I do share the shamanic desire to see deeply into life and reality, and hopefully help others with what I find there. =) Kenton

[@Umbro565]

WOW!! Amazing insight! Thank you so much for sharing this message.

[@ReWildUniversity]

Absolutely! I'm glad it made a difference for you! =) Kenton

[@V1RU5420]

although most of it is not new for me your summerise is very good and helped me focus again. realy appreciate your work here thank you

[@ReWildUniversity]

So glad you're finding value in these videos!! =) Kenton

[@FREE_WILL_AAHhhhhhhhhhhhh]

I think that anger stems from frustration...not met expectations...my dad enlightened me to the thought that... "having expectations beyond what you can control is like premeditating resentment."

[@ReWildUniversity]

A very wise father you had!! =)

[@JennyverseLive]

What a terrific video. Thank you very much indeed.

[@ReWildUniversity]

Absolutely! =) Kenton

[@bardarajones3831]

i have so far seen 2 of your videos and have gained a great deal of respect for what you do

[@kiba3x]

+bardara jones Me too, the first was a naked man surviving a night in the snow :)

[@ReWildUniversity]

+bardara jones Thanks much! I'm so glad you're finding value in these . . . =) Kenton

[@jonpalmg]

Same boat here. Little did I realize that there was so much more than just "crazy survival skills" in this channel. In fact I think the more thought-provoking videos are much higher value than the instructional ones! Amazing!

[@ReWildUniversity]

Jon-Pal Gagnum Mouzakis I appreciate hearing that. The videos you are speaking of, that deal with gratitude or fear or meditation, are the ones I truly love making. It's great to hear when they make a difference for people!

[@durka07]

in tai chi we call this yielding. yield to the incoming situation, then react accordingly. the reaction typically involves the least amount of force as possible. this applies to the martial aspect as well as everyday activities. you yield to not having dinner ready when you get home, you let it pass, you then react by consciously trying to make the situation better...maybe like you said, by asking to cook dinner together for bonding and of course it may get a point across that dinner is something you appreciate.

[@ReWildUniversity]

+Dustin McCreery Perfect. You're the first to draw that parallel. For me it was Aikido, but much the same basis, I think -- "momentum" can be transformed into something other than the original intention when we yield or blend with it. I call the opposite approach the "football" approach, ramming head-on to meet force with force, which usually has rather predictable results. =) Kenton

[@Nillaferilla]

I watched this video last year and between then and now up until recently I almost did take anger out of my personality. But as of recent I have been finding my self VERY quick fused with things. SO here I am again to re-watch the video in hopes I can remember how I achieved the peace of mind I did 6+ months ago.

[@ReWildUniversity]

I too have experienced many "ups-and-downs" like that over the years. Each time you come back to that peace of mind, it will become more deeply fixed inside you. Those "relapses" are perfectly normal -- they're only dangerous if we give up, and you are forging ahead with full strength! =) Kenton

[@jimmyeatonbackyardcamping7226]

I'm glad to had found your talks to me hearing you talk gives me the same as if I were reading my bible Peace be with you May God be in your heart as he is in mine

[@ReWildUniversity]

What a beautiful compliment. Thank you for the blessings my friend! =) Kenton

[@JanLegris]

Best ever memory of bare feet in the snow was a pristine square of white at the business park where I worked. the gritted paths framed it but it was a lovely 25-30cm of untouched white. As I was barefoot anyway I walked carefully across the square on the diagonal leaving a beautiful set of barefoot prints... The people who came by after displayed some of the most awesome locked eye (walking with their eyes fixed on one point) it has been my pleasure to see. I did learn later that I had a reputation for being a mite wierd at the site, so yeah I may have paid for my delight ;) This was a lovely video to hear you speak on. Thank you for sharing.

[@ReWildUniversity]

Jan, that's awesome! I love it when we can peacefully challenge people's paradigms like that -- what better than barefoot tracks in snow? =)

[@naimchakif5224]

Dear Kenton, first of all thank you so much for the fast reply .. and after reading carefully what u have wrote to me i believe ur so right about me punishing my self and feeling bad at my self .. and i know i went so far with that .. i might be little sensitive when i expect from my self to be good to people who actually cares for me but then i fail them and i fail my expectations as well this always put me in state of hating my self and not wanting to be happy or enjoying my life .. i left my hometown and went to an island in Asia from where I am now at the moment writing to u cus i thought it would help me and that didn't actually help me not just a bit .. and for that i believe ur right i should try love my self and forgive my self for past behaviors and focus on putting effort loving my self and treat my self good to be able to give love and care for my beloved one's .. thank you u opened my mind on something that i never thought it could be a solution to my suffering .. i will from this point start doing what i like and just feel happy for the moment regardless of my negative thought of my acts in past hoping to fix it in the soon future .. u helped me alot not just little and it's really good to know that there r still some people who cares for others without expecting something in return as u r doing .. i wish u all the happiness and success in ur personal and career life .. you r one of a kind .. cheers for that kind regards, Naim Chakif

[@ReWildUniversity]

+Naim Chakif Thank you so much, Naim. And you should get great kudos for having the courage to "see yourself" so clearly. Your love, courage, and caring comes through in your writing, and I believe in you -- I know you can find this love for yourself, and then it's going to spread out to everyone around you. Thank you for your courage, my friend! =) Kenton

[@VideosMilitary]

I need to work on this. Something will make me angry and I carry it for days, replaying scenarios in my head. I feel the anger in my body in a spot around my diaphragm. When I feel angry I feel tension there. That can't be good for me.

[@ReWildUniversity]

That's great observation! You're way ahead of the game if you're aware of that sensation. In fact, if we pay attention, we'll find that anger often begins as that physical sensation. One "trick" is to tune into that sensation as soon as we feel it. What does it really feel like? And in observing it, the anger will often fade. I love that you're working on this -- it can indeed transform! =) Kenton

[@dannybond2193]

the thing im getting from this is ''mind over matter'' pain thresh hold is a physcological thing not a physical thing :)i know this seems off topic but i got over being very ticklish by mentally telling myself it doesn't tickle if that makes sense.thanks for your views on this topic Kenton :) keep doing what your doing, the world is lucky to have people like you, share you knowledge :)

[@ReWildUniversity]

It absolutely makes sense! Although I can't do it with any amount of pain, I have found that much of what I formerly thought was painful isn't actually very uncomfortable at all. It really can seem like "mind over matter"! If you've done it with tickling, you can do it with pain! =) Kenton

[@ddscout23]

Excellent video Kenton! A quick question, how does this apply to more explicit situations of expectations? Examples might be in commerce/business situations where there is an explicit agreement that a company will provide a product or service but then fails to come through on it. Or maybe someone tells you something but is either lying intentionally, or just doesn't know know what they're talking about and so can't fulfill they're promise. In cases like these where an expectation is part of the interaction how do you deal with it and not get upset?

[@ReWildUniversity]

+ddscout23 What a great question! In situations like these, I have found that getting angry seldom gets me what I want out of the situation. Say they lied intentionally. When I used to get angry with people for something like this, they would typically get angry in return, and when we get angry we usually go into "justification mode", justifying our own actions. So in effect, my anger acted to send the other person into justification mode, where they programmed themselves to feel more strongly that their lie was justified. However, if instead of getting angry with the person who lied, I sit down with them and explain how I respect them as a person and value their friendship, but don't understand the interaction that happened between us, then they tend to open up and examine their behavior themselves. The moment I judge or get angry, they will get defensive and the door closes, but when I approach without anger, the "justification mode" isn't enabled, and there is a much better chance for real communication and change. The same with a service or product that doesn't fulfill its promise. If I call up the company and yell at them, I'm likely to get hung up on, as happened in a recent case I saw of someone complaining about a fitness product they had purchased and wasn't functioning properly. However, if I express that I really want to be a future customer and that I'm excited about their product/service, but I am encountering a problem with it not doing such-and-such, I've tended to have the person on the other side of the phone go to extreme lengths to help me out. To not get upset in the first place? It's about seeing the world as messy and unpredictable, and if we expect anything, expecting things to not turn out quite the way we think they will, and to cultivate a curiosity about how things will turn out. Then I can get that product in the mail, find that it isn't performing as I thought, and laugh at the situation. Now I'll have a chance to talk with a stranger on the phone when I call up with my concern. And oddly, sometimes those calls can be really fun, because when you're on the phone for a while with a tech person, you can probe in a little bit and they might start sharing some stories or their own wisdom or adventures. I've met some surprisingly interesting people when calling to get my internet service restored! =) Kenton

[@storm830x]

Very helpful methods and great explanation as well as the examples.

[@ReWildUniversity]

Thank you Mark! =) Kenton

[@EmmanuelBrandt]

a real game changer in my life. Many thanks for this lesson!

[@ReWildUniversity]

So glad it was valuable to you, Emmanuel! =) Kenton

[@kimjrgensen4724]

Fighting the anger often. Sometimes it gets to me... Sometime I can back out... Definately gonna use the humor on "expectation not met". Good stuff Teacher! Again :)

[@ReWildUniversity]

+Kim Jørgensen I'm glad you're going to give this a try. I've really seen it work some amazing transformations over time. It's powerful stuff to try to deal with, this anger, but freedom from it is worth every bit of work. =) Kenton

[@mattminney2617]

Thanks friend, for the good words, that are a true life style builder. I and so many people live through allot of false ways of living. I think that because of the health affects of anger, we see so often.

[@ReWildUniversity]

I appreciate your words, Matt. I'm glad this video can help a little! =) Kenton

[@carlhakansson88]

This is very helpful, and a great way to deal with every day challenges. PS Cold showers are amazing. Keep it up!

[@pmugglerm]

Thank you sir, for your kind, kind words! And thank you, little bee, for such a timely example! :D

[@ReWildUniversity]

I was pretty grateful to that bee. Impeccable timing! =) Kenton

[@northcountrytrapper]

This video could not have come at a better time for me, thank you very much.

[@ReWildUniversity]

+Troy Orr You are welcome, Troy! =) Kenton

[@KasadollsPageOhthatTG]

Thank you for making this. i needed this today.

[@ReWildUniversity]

So glad it could help! =) Kenton

[@devincarranza]

whenever I try to start a friction fire I get really angry when I fail, and just give up for the day. I will try to transform my anger into humor and keep trying until it starts. Thank you for making this video Kenton. :-)

[@ReWildUniversity]

+Devin Carranza You know, Devin, friction fire would get me frustrated too, and oddly, once I transformed that, it became pretty easy. I had been "trying too hard", and a friend helped me to just relax about it and sort of "give up". It was when I gave up and just sort of did it for fun that I got my first coal! I hope that humor can help with getting consistent coals! =) Kenton

[@devincarranza]

Thanks :-) ReWildUniversity​

[@ReWildUniversity]

Devin Carranza Absolutely my friend!

[@bernardmobe6631]

Hi, I love seing your videos, this one is very interesting. I am on my way to reconize my anger, and it brings me to open my yes to what i accept from people sometime. It is a very tricky way to fell what is just about my personnality and what is my educated behaviors. Sometime it is just hard to know and feel what is what ? Do I acte according to my deep personnal feelings or do i behave as a programmated individual having expectations from people and life. I hope that i have been clear enought in my words, when I try to explain my point of vue. Regards from France, in the Alpes montagne, where snow has come Bernard.

[@ReWildUniversity]

Bernard, this is such a vital question, and asks us to "know ourselves" on a deep level. As you say, it can be very difficult to know the difference between our inner personality and our conditioned responses. Regards back from Wisconsin, USA! We have snow here as well -- it just fell two days ago! =) Kenton

[@tfjzz]

so much high value content on your channel..thank you very much for sharing..been watching through all of your videos..greetings from slovakia!

[@ReWildUniversity]

Appreciated! Greetings back from Wisconsin, USA! =) Kenton

[@tfjzz]

:) knife noob question: noticed you carry a kukri type knife-machete..could you share some details on that one? thank you!

[@ReWildUniversity]

trafficjuzz I spent some time in Nepal, but couldn't find a "real" one there -- just the ones they make for tourists. Years later, a martial arts teacher of mine gave me the knife you saw on this video, and said it was a genuine issue Gurkha blade. Not sure if it's true, but it's definitely of a different caliber than any other kukris I've seen. Good carbon steel and all handmade. Pretty cool that you noticed! =) Kenton

[@Niveous23]

I agree with much of this. Your experiences have shown you that anger is fruitless or inferior at least to what you call "awareness". I love having that form of awareness. (never stung by a bee) I even use this awareness as a good listener and team player/leader. For me, anger is all of the things you say it is and so much more. In situations that are always going to be painful and dangerous, anger is your shield and sword (and yes, these terms don't seem productive) I'v used anger to ward off, run from, learn from, and put down harmful developments for me and for people I care for. My anger becomes ugly and destructive when I treat it like a monster. I guess where I'm coming from is anger isn't mutually exclusive to all your positive advice. I have humor, awareness, vulnerability, and anger. There is no power struggle, and my anger is now an old friend that simply asks if I need it. It doesn't grab me and shake me, and I think that's because I no longer grab it and shake it.

[@Niveous23]

+Niveous23 that being said, i can think of no better person to promote this new spin on anger. thanks for the great thoughts.

[@ReWildUniversity]

+Niveous23 Like A Pezz, another commenter, you've learned to harness the power of anger in a positive way. When you say it doesn't grab you and shake you, it sounds like it's not "owning" you, but you are "owning" it. I almost wish we had words for two different emotions here -- one for the anger that possesses and controls us, and one for "anger" that we harness and use consciously. Very interesting thoughts you've brought up! =) Kenton

[@Niveous23]

Yea, i just wanted to share. you've given me a lot to think about. Glad I found your channel. it's pretty amazing.

[@ReWildUniversity]

Niveous23 Thanks for being a part of it, and for taking the time to share your insight with me and others on this channel! Appreciated =)

[@TrollDragomir]

I love stinging nettle. It's delicious, it makes awesome cordage, it's healthy, it tells you when the soil is good, and it can keep your food fresh for longer. And as we can see here, it can also help you let go of your fears and anger. This practice reminded me of how some South American tribes weave bracelets out of leaves, stick really painful ants into it and put it on their children as a test of their mind. Might seem cruel and unnecessary to some, but it ensures that they won't panic if something bad happens to them in non-controlled environment.

[@ReWildUniversity]

Nettle rocks, doesn't it? =) I had never heard of that. Definitely "out of bounds" by modern standards, but then again, so many things are. I think we're missing something by not getting to experience such things and gain the mental fortitude that comes with it. =) Kenton

[@stefm8251]

I love your "Jedi way" to transform anger , so if I got it right , try to be free of expectations or recognize them early , use acceptance and self humor . I see our modern culture and society as an expectation-maker , stressing us more and making us more subject to anger . a common example is driving in traffic downtown , it could drive crazy normal folks , an other good reason to have time in nature to let our mind slow down and loosing the timeline ,allowing us to recharge our emotional resilience ( like batteries we need to refill our resilience tank.) Thank you , have a good day my friend .

[@ReWildUniversity]

My friend, I can't recall if I suggested self humor in this video, but in any case, it's one of my favorite tools. When I take myself too seriously everything seems to get tense . . . =) Kenton

[@davidwright5695]

Fear, frustration and pain lead to anger, those are the leading reasons or some form of the three, so identify and you can become more free of anguishing anger.

[@gemstones7171]

I am really enjoying the journey of your videos, thank you for sharing your time and wisdom :-)

[@ReWildUniversity]

+Gemma Young Thanks Gemma! That means a lot! =) Kenton

[@TechTins_Projects]

Superb. all you have said makes total sense. I think anger is a word we have introduced to explain elevated frustration. It is damaging to us and everyone who is near us. In my opinion, there are zero advantages in keeping hold of extreme frustration. I have battled with it for years. My anger is weird. Always directed at things I failed to do never at a person. For example if I make a table and it goes wrong at some stage it drives me crazy sometimes. If something I am doing does not go the way I expect it to I get really frustrated. Been like that since a kid. Its caused me to stop trying new things and to hence avoid trying to make or grow things etc. It has locked me down. Wasted so many years because of it.

[@ReWildUniversity]

+Tech Tins You've spoken to it directly! Elevated frustration indeed. And as you note, it can close off entire portions of our lives. I hope this technique can help a little. Sometimes it can seem like no progress is being made, but if you trust that you're backing up that road a little each time, I think you'll notice that things are slowly shifting. Thanks for sharing your experience here! =) Kenton

[@TechTins_Projects]

ReWildUniversity Its been a nightmare my whole life. Only since January after my partner left me. (She had enough of my negativity.) I decided to try and find out what was wrong with me. After a lot of grief and soul searching I found out that It started when I was young. I tried to build something complex at an age when I knew nothing and worked for many months on this project to finally find out after many hours I had got the whole design wrong from day 1. I was about 10 years old. It was a huge blow for me as I had built it all up in my mind. That is when all the negativity began. Down hill ever since. From then on too scared to try new things. Pathetic really, but its the truth. So 44 years later this January I decided to confront this negativity and find out what was wrong with me. I now allocate an hour per every task I want to complete (projects I have only ever dreamed about before) and then move on to next task. The big problem along with the frustration is fear of failure. I have found that doing it this way and keeping a log book seems to help. Since January I have completed three big projects which I had no idea I could ever do. Was a huge boost for me. Still a long way to go but I am getting there slowly. Videos like yours and other info I have found from like minded people as yourself. are helping me a lot. I am well educated but I have no money and I have no partner any more and its all due to this pathetic negative mind set that I think finally I am starting to break free from. Your helping a lot. So many thanks for what your doing with these videos.

[@ReWildUniversity]

Tech Tins AWESOME that you have had the courage, tenacity, and wisdom to find your way through this. These are things that consume many of us, and I'm inspired by your strength, my friend.

[@TechTins_Projects]

ReWildUniversity Your reply has made me quite emotional. But at least now its being channeled the right way. Thank you.

[@ReWildUniversity]

Tech Tins I'm so honored that you have shared, my friend.

[@gemstones7171]

I've heard you say that you're from a martial arts background- do you practice tai chi- if so would you consider doing a video of some of the moves easy for beginners and maybe what they mean? :)

[@ReWildUniversity]

+Gemma Young I'm so sorry, but Tai Chi isn't in my background. I've considered including some martial arts in some of my videos, but for the time being I'm focusing on the mental/emotional aspect of rewilding, along with skills. Thanks for the suggestion, and I'm sorry I can't help! I do have a friend who does a lot of Tai Chi, and really loves it. Definitely worth exploring! =) Kenton

[@ToniMattTony]

You had me in tears by the end of this video. Hope to see you soon. Tony W.

[@ReWildUniversity]

Tony, so glad this could help you! =) Kenton

[@calvinkeyes]

So excellent Kenton - big thank you.

[@ReWildUniversity]

So glad you liked it Calvin! Great to hear from you here! =) Kenton

[@KingSkyliner]

I bet it felt like climbing Everest, realizing you made it to the end of the video with that many nettle stings. Kudos sir!

[@ReWildUniversity]

Well, I'm way too wimpy for Everest, but it was indeed pretty cool to be able to keep doing the video with all that sting! =) Kenton

[@mzeemrefu]

thanks for this. these videos are in some sense an exercise in what you are talking about.

[@ReWildUniversity]

You are welcome my friend! =) Kenton

[@gypsyjunklady]

I Always appreciate your insights!

[@ReWildUniversity]

+Jessica Silva Thanks so much Jessica! =) Kenton

[@ToniMattTony]

Thank you for this video. Evers since my Brain surgery I have not been able to control my emotions, they say the part of my Brain where the tumor was located was effected, the doctors answers are "take Valium". This I don't want to do as it is highly addictive, I will give this a try. Thank You Thank You Thank You. Tony W.

[@ReWildUniversity]

Tony, congrats for questioning those "expert opinions" and trying to find your own way through. You can do it! Bravo for not taking the valium. =) Kenton

[@ToniMattTony]

Thank you Kenton, your opinion is greatly appreciated. Tony

[@FRE4KSO]

Thanks mate, I going to try that!

[@JH_1095]

thanks for that info.... I think it can be very helpful.

[@ReWildUniversity]

+MyBLUEARROW I hope it is . . . I know this is something many of us struggle with. =) Kenton

[@TheDarkCountess1]

This is a really good video, and many of the thoughts you brought up are ones I've pondered myself. I do have some questions though, which I'd like to hear your feedback on, if that's possible of course. When it comes to expectation, I would say your points are very true of it creating conflict. And I think it stems many times from hoping someone else will make life easier for you, without having to communicate those needs clearly. As you mentioned, the hope someone is going to have dinner made. The wish stems from being tired, hungry, and really wanting to have food prepared already for both those reasons. It's not really a bad or uncomprehensible wish, however anger often erupts when the desperate hope isn't met. But my questions arise from other forms of anger, ones not so much linked to expectation. For example when someone is hurtful towards you, or inconsiderate. The anger arises from a sense of injustice, the sense of not deserving being treated badly, or getting neglected. Do you think it's proper to accept the situation completely? Or is it more understandable to reject the wrong treatment? As another example, lets say someone you love gets harmed. Is anger still completely wrong and unhelpful? In this case the anger arises from a sense of protectiveness, and disapproval over what your loved one has suffered. In that light, is anger still totally uncalled for? Is there a better way to handle it, or is anger sometimes alright if handled correctly? Sorry this is such a long comment, however I hope it's enjoyable to read, and the questions are interesting rather than foolish.

[@ReWildUniversity]

These are VERY interesting questions! I think there are times when anger can be appropriate and useful, but mostly, I think those times are rare. Using some of the great examples you asked about -- such as someone hurting you or someone you love. We must be careful to distinguish acceptance from passively "taking it", or allowing continued abuse. If someone is unkind to me, I've found that if I react in anger, I almost guarantee a more aggressive response. But if I transform it INSIDE MYSELF (that's an important bit), and then respond to them with, say, humor, I can often transform the situation from one of aggression to connection. If someone harms someone we love, it's more difficult. Yet even here, anger is often "useless" in that it simply clouds our minds, and gives the perpetrator the reaction they were probably hoping for. Again, if I can enact an inner transformation, I'm able to see the situation more clearly, and make changes more effectively, than if my mind is all stirred up with anger. Sometimes, though, I've found that there are people who are at the place in their lives where they can't seem to "hear" anything except for a high-potency emotion like anger. Although even here, I've found that expressing hurt or vulnerability often has as much chance of making a difference than does anger. In the end, it becomes a matter of looking at a situation and asking, "how can I best transform this situation?" If someone I loved has been hurt, they may need my love and compassion and nursing -- if I run off in a fit of anger, I'm not there for them. I don't think there are hard-and-fast rules in life, but in general, I've found that if we look carefully, we'll find that anger is using up energy that we might use more effectively for other things. Thanks for this great question! =) Kenton

[@Soundvermont]

Might be a bit of fear under that anger at least I notice for me with being laid up with the foot surgery. So I might want to dig deeper and explore what I'm fearful of. Again thank you and I look forward to your videos.

[@ReWildUniversity]

+Robin Farrar You're absolutely correct. I didn't cover it here, but resistance is essentially a form of fear, or at least very closely related. Fear can enact resistance which invokes anger. =) Kenton

[@Soundvermont]

+ReWildUniversity Yes indeed so let the diving in continue!

[@vidsfsx]

wow this was very helpfull! Thank you,sir.

[@ReWildUniversity]

Absolutely! =) Kenton

[@alessandropasquini927]

The concept of expectation, that lead to an identification with a particular event or situation, that you introduced here was very true and profound. I feel that. I want to share with you my situation by the way. I am preparing myself for a test that we have here in Italy in order to have the permission of entering a particular University. The test is on September and i am growing in myself expectations and i am anticipating that moment cause i fear it. You know, it is a very difficult test and i have already failed it the last year. However i would love to be at ease with the moment. But how? How can i have a goal and working hard without getting consumed by the goal itself? Humor is not a solution cause i really want to pass that test, it would be just hypocritical toward myself to joke with that. I would love to read your answer. Keep up the great content.

[@ReWildUniversity]

+Alessandro Pasquini Great question Alessandro. The answer depends a little on your personality. Some people feel they perform better with some amount of stress, but if the fear, stress, or anxiety is using mental energy that you could otherwise be using for the test (this is the case with me -- I don't find that my performance ever increases if I feel stressed, so I cultivate a non-stress state), then here is something that can work. I'll use the example of a past client who was TERRIFIED of job interviews. He'd go in and barely be able to answer a question, he was so anxious. Here was a clear case of fear using mental energy that was needed for performing well. So I asked him to "give up" on his next job interview. Firmly decide that he wouldn't get the job. He really settled that into his mind, and then went to the next job interview. Well, he didn't get the job. But the good news is that he wasn't nervous, because he already knew he wouldn't get the job, so, having already "failed", he had nothing to fear and just could pay attention to the interview. As you might imagine, he was pretty excited. Three interviews later, and he was having to choose between two jobs, one in his home state, and another in Silicone Valley. He went to the valley, working at the job of his dreams in a tech company where there was no schedule, great pay, free food and drinks all day . . . The transformation happens when we realize that the important thing isn't really what we think about the job interview or the test -- the only thing that matters is how much mental energy we will be devoting to the task vs. devoting to trying to fight down our nervousness. Sometimes, if we give up the goal, we find that our nervousness evaporates, and we have 100% of our energy to devote to the task -- which usually means we perform better than we ever imagined! The secret here is that you truly have to give up. Realize that we don't know what is good or bad in our lives, because we can't predict the future (you might get into this university and then find it wasn't what you were hoping for, or you might fail the test, walk out the door, and meet a person who will change your life). Once we give up the goal, then we can apply ourselves fully to the task at hand. Of course, the other half of this is learning to pursue goals without desire. This is where the sense of play comes in. We can go after something with all our energy, but if we do it with a sense of play, we are often much more likely to see it achieved than if we feel serious about it (because the seriousness breeds anxiety, which takes mental energy.) I know this isn't for everybody, but perhaps it will help a little! =) Kenton

[@FarmerBenny]

Thanks for making these videos!

[@ReWildUniversity]

Absolutely! I'm glad you appreciate them! =) Kenton

[@lethimwhoboasts]

It is an interesting view... I have been studying Narcissistic personality traits over the last few years... Manipulative, crazy-making, lying, explosive anger for no apparent reason, latching on for your energy, and melting down into abandonment when they don't get it... The mind of a 6-year old wrapped in adult faculties... You are right... You cannot be hurt by them if you do not have expectations from them. I thought one person's words put it rather vividly... You can only be controlled to the degree that you control others. You can only be hurt to the degree that there is a need for feeling good located in others (rather than yourself). Psychological trauma, as I learned, occurs when we experience reality without our defenses, without our mental construct of how things "ought" to be... All trauma is the result of experiencing life as it really is. I think your language describes it well enough, as well, all anger needs resistance. And, the resistance is the thing inside of us, the phychological/mental/etc belief, the expectation, the requirement of "ours".... I probably come at this from a radically different perspective than yours... I see these things reflected in the words of Jesus in the Gospels. "Do not resist an evil person". Those who hear his Words and do them is the one who has "dug deep" and built on the rock (dug deep psychologically, spiritually, emotionally)... And, for those with deep abandonment (the root of narcissistic traits), lack of nurture can only truly be solved by, well, forgiveness. People, many people, go from one thing to the next, always looking for the love they never received... Some have called it a "love debt". The biggest freedom I think I have ever seen was simply accepting that that need wasn't met, never will be met, and to face the reality. For those who have never felt loved, to accept that, die to it, and, as Christ said, he who loses his life will find it. The fear center of the brain accepts the defeat, and, as I like to say... It's not going to kill you.. If you pass out, the autonomic nervous system will kick in and breathe for you. As I said, I see things differently, I see many of the truths of what I believe Jesus was teaching in all of these things. The one who was traumatized at a young age will re-live that trauma their entire life either as a perpetrator or a victim until they get it out. But, in the end, the negative emotions we experience are what are within us already. As a Christian, I can let go of all my expectations, all my walls, all my need to resist and control, knowing I have a Father who loves and protects. The eyes of a child are ever full of wonder.

[@ReWildUniversity]

I love that you have taken your faith so deeply, and taken the time to really try to hear Jesus's words. Although I am not deeply familiar with Jesus's teachings, I do think that the words you have quoted, which I might sum up as "love your enemy", are one of the most uncomfortable and most profound of Jesus's messages. I don't think he was saying that just for fun =) And how radical a message it is, if we take it deeply and fully. Bless those who curse us. There's a similar old Zen story about a monk who lived in poverty in a shack in the woods. One night a thief came, and finding nothing to steal, was going to leave. The monk stopped him and insisted that the thief took his clothes. As the thief left, the monk stared at the full moon and lamented, "I wish I could have given that fellow this moon". Thanks for sharing your beautiful perspective. May more of us come to hear the wisdom in those radical words! =) Kenton

[@lethimwhoboasts]

I think those words are much deeper than probably you or I realize, "Love your enemy"... It is an amazing thing to truly come to have warm affection for all, including those who do you ill.. Not just tolerate, not some false trauma bonding (Stockholm syndrome), and not simply have a non-reactive posture, but to truly want the best for them, even while they are doing wrong... Without losing the perspective of right and wrong, that is... Yet, that, as I understand it, is who God is... I don't think it's possible to do in ourselves--we're just not that good. It's funny, because in one parable, those who had done this, by helping the "least of these", didn't even realize they had, and those who failed were shocked that they had missed it. It was something on the inside. To not live into a place of peace, whatever you want to call it, but to exist as it, and live out from there. Not a function of doing or getting into, but rather being, and flowing. I appreciate your time in vids and comments. When it comes down to it, there are not a whole lot to Jesus' teachings... Like the smallest of things, they can be told in a short sitting, but when truly lived, they are the greatest of all....

[@ReWildUniversity]

lethimwhoboasts Thank you for these wise words. This idea of "loving your enemy" is indeed something I ponder on and strive for every day, but I certainly don't live it anywhere near perfectly =)

[@MagiMystik]

I hear you and have walked the same road.

[@ReWildUniversity]

I hear you, Magi. Good to hear from someone who has. =) Kenton

[@primitivecraig5500]

I'm going on a week survival with minimal gear on my own I was wondering if you no a way to self motavat me to do it while I'm there

[@ronbrown8611]

you have to find the motivation yourself not from others

[@primitivecraig5500]

+Ron Brown thanks mate but iv done it now I was succesfull

[@primitivecraig5500]

+Ron Brown I did it at the age of 15 about a year ago and now o did it with less tools I went for week with shorts too and knife and that is it

[@ronbrown8611]

+Primitive Survival damn that's young well done

[@primitivecraig5500]

+Ron Brown thanks mate

[@davidwright5695]

Homelessness is a state of mind a concept of the modern world and in all actually it is freedom from the modern anchor we all bind ourselves to. To be homeless is to be free, that's just my interpretation of the problem.

[@ReWildUniversity]

I personally know some people who would agree with you, who have consciously chosen homelessness. Other homeless are suffering from mental illnesses and are in real need of help. But I do agree -- we shouldn't always equate the concept of "homelessness" with being a bad thing. That's probably difficult for many of us to see if we are immersed in the sense of security we get from having a home/money/etc. Yet most of us learn that this sense of security doesn't equate with reality, and that true freedom comes from other things . . . =) Kenton

[@davidwright5695]

With the exception of mental illness of course, it is how we perceive our expectations and hopes that do lead us to anger for the most part and I couldn't agree with you more, very nice piece and should help many with unmanaged anger find peace within their perspective lives.

[@davidwright5695]

I think you should make another video on basic emotions and how to manage or mitigate them simply because some people need just a little more "how to's" with their own humanity. I believe that would help a multitude of people living in the darkness of themselves.

[@ReWildUniversity]

David, thanks for this wonderful idea. I'm going to be giving it some thought -- I do agree there is a real need for learning how to manage our emotional states. =) Kenton

[@kevinpride6543]

David Wright : a romantic viewpoint on one hand. On the other the harshest reality( addictions, felonies, psychosis, bad fortune, etc.).